Grey's Anatomy (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 8 - It's All Too Much - full transcript

No one ever imagined
we would make it this far.

Incision-less surgeries,
4D imaging,

mechanical organs,
stem cell therapy...

Every medical innovation
seemed impossible,

unimaginable
until it was achieved.

And luckily, we haven't
stopped making advancements.

Your recent COVID test
has come back negative,

your ABG's improved,

your RSBI
looks promising,

and oxygen requirements
have decreased.

If you keep this up,



I may just try weaning you
off the vent later today.

Because the other side
of the unimaginable is death.

And the pain
that comes with loss.

Dr. Altman?

Bailey said
you'd need some help

covering the COVID ICU
since...

Since we lost... Yeah, uh...
Uh, o-okay.

And that side
never stops coming.

We need some good news,
Meredith.

Please, just...
we really need some good news.

It's you again!

Captioning provided by
ABC Studios and ABC, Inc.

Ford,
Built Ford Proud.

You going in today?



Day off.

Hey, if I say something,
can you not judge me?

Because we're friends who bang,
not friends who judge.

Mm, I have wrapped my head

around the concept,
yeah.

I need joy in my life.

Val died,

and DeLuca...

I can't even say it yet.

And I physically have
no more room left in my body

for sadness.

So I am switching specialties
to OB

and all I need from you
is encouragement.

You thought
I would judge you for that?

I literally spend all day
every day at work

wanting to
walk out that door

just to go off into the woods by
myself hiking for three months

until there's a vaccine.

There's not gonna be a vaccine
in three months.

I'm sorry...
You just said no judging.

I know,
but that's just ridiculous.

Wait, so, you for real
about switching specialties?

Yes.

Wow.
Yeah.

What was that?

In lieu of confetti.

No.

The kids loved Andrew.

He used to
play his guitar for them

and teach them songs
in Italian.

He brought gelato
to every birthday.

And every half-birthday.

Which all three of these kids
now think is an actual thing.

I'm just so sorry.

For all of you.

Aunt Maggie!
It's your turn!

Okay, Zozo.

I'll be there.

Know what?

I think this crowd could benefit
from some new East Coast moves.

Ndugu moves.
What do you say, Zola?

Gimme a shot? Yeah!

Alright.
Make room.

Unh!

And I just wish I had the chance
to thank him for it.

Do you think
that was okay?

It's a video tribute for someone
whose brother got murdered.

Nothing's "okay."

But funerals
no longer exist, so...

Do you want me
to record yours?

I'm, um...

Yeah, just, um...

No.

And, uh, later today, I need you
to meet a team...

...from county
at the loading dock.

We're giving them PPE.

They're wearing trash bags
over there.

Mm.

Do we have extra PPE?

We have more than others.
Which is extra.

When was the last timeyou
were home?

Hunt! Yeah, Altman.
Come in.

Meredith's stable.

I'm actually gonna try to
reduce her vent settings today.

I'm hopeful.

Hunt,
how are we with beds?

The normal COVID floor
capacity's at 80%, ICU is okay.

Morale is pretty low
with DeLuca...

It's hit everyone
pretty hard.

Well, I expect
DeLuca's autopsy results

by the end of the day.

You asked for his results?
Why?

Andrew DeLuca
was one of our own.

Obviously,
something went wrong.

I want to know what that was.

That's all.

Bailey, I already told you
every step of what happened.

Well after I could have donesomething to
change the outcome.

Shut the door
on your way out.

Yes?

Yeah.

Alright.

Dr. Connor to the
ICU.Thank youfor coming with me.

I wouldn't miss it.

I have privileges,
right?

My department,
my world.

Dr. Gruber to the OR.

Helm, what do we got? Dr. Gruber to the OR.

Byron Gibbis, 52, foundpassed
out on his front porch.

He's febrile, tachycardic.
I also heard a big murmur.

Rapid COVID was negative,

no signs of head trauma,
but I did order a pan scan.

Let's add a cardiac CT.

Um, do you work here?

Dr. Winston Ndugu,

cardiothoracic surgeon
from Tufts.

He's got Osler's nodes.

Oh, my God.
My God.

Byron, I'm Dr. Maggie Pierce.
You're at Grey-Sloan Memorial.

You were found unconscious,
and an ambulance...

Get away from me! Okay...

No, I'm serious.
Everybody back up, okay?

I'm not getting COVID.
Where are my clothes?

Sir, please just...

Everybody here is sick.

Oh, God.

Okay, Byron, I know that this is a shock

and I know
that you're scared,

but if we don't geta look at your heart,

you may not make it home.

We have all been tested.

If you need a maskor if
you need a face shield,

we can get you
whatever you need.

But, please, just stay.

I was so good.

I didn't go anywhere.

Let's get you ready
for CT.

One minute I'm sad,
'cause I think about his sister

and his familyand what a great guy he was.

Next minute,
I'm filled with guilt.

Then I'm filled with rage.

That a person could

do thatto another human being.

I'm scared. Hopeless.
Sometimes numb.

I can always go back to guilt.

Guilt is my go-to.

My go-to is numb.

Wow.

Did you just describeexactly what was wrong

with our relationship
in only five words?

I think maybe I just did.

I just...
DeLuca. I...

I-I just can't
get my head around it.

What is this?

Looks like whiskey.

Mm, what was it doing

on the top shelf behindthe
fancy candlesticks?

What were you doing
on the top shelf

behind the fancy
candlesticks?

Are you drunk?

It's 9:00 in the morning.

Plenty of people get drunk
at 9:00 in the morning.

Yeah, well, not me,
Amelia.

I live at home
with four kids.

Sometimes late at night...

...I have a drink in the garage
and I play my guitar.

We're in a pandemic.

You drink in the garage?
Do you hear yourself?

Do youhear yourself?

Hiding alcohol
is an objectively bad sign.

Or it's a sign that I'm trying
to be respectful of you.

If you have a problem, you can talk to me.

I'm, like, literallythe
best person in the world

you could talk to. Do you know
stressed out I am? All the time?

And now on top of everything,
if it wasn't hard enough,

now I have to make sure that
I don't accidentally mention

that their friend Andrew
was stabbed to death

by somebody
who sells children for sex.

Okay, that is all of
us. That is not just you.

And not all of us
have to drink to cope.

You don't haveto,
or you don't getto?

Because I get to.
Because I'm not an alcoholic.

I'm not in recovery and...

Y'know what?

I can't be here right now.

You're leaving?
Yes.

Because I don't want to say
something that I might regret.

Because I love you
and because I'm a good guy.

But sometimes, Amelia,
you drive me insane.

And... And this is
one of those times.

So, yes, I'm leaving.

And I'm taking this
with me.

Oh, and, uh,
just so we're clear...

I'm coming back.

Because
I'm not a bad guy!

No pressure, Grey, but we
reallyneed you to pull through this.

This place
can't stand another loss.

Are we ready?

I'm gonna lighten
her sedation...

...and then gradually
turn down all of her settings.

And if she tolerates it,
then we'll move forward

with spontaneous
breathing trials.

Dr. Altman, I'm more
than able to handle this

with the
respiratory therapist.

Maybe you should
get some rest.

I know how closely
you worked with Dr. DeLuca.

Which has nothing to do
withgetting Meredith off the vent.

Come on, Grey.

Come on, Grey,
you can do this.

You look just like Ellis
just now,

the way you're looking
at your feet.

So serious.

Then she gets that
worried little brow.

This is torture!

You're right here,
and I can't...

It's torture!

It's a torture
of your own devising.

You were always good
at that.

Good at what?

Torturing yourself.

I don't do that
as much anymore.

You never got to
meet Ellis.

We didn't even know.

I wish
you got to know her.

She looks just like you.

She breaks the rules
just like you.

And she's quick to anger.
And quick to laugh.

And she's smart and pensive
and stubborn, just like you.

Hates pink and purple,
loves brown and green,

and... and gets enraged
at the thought

of anybody wanting to
cut down a tree.

Is... Is this thing clean?

People say you can't get sick
from surfaces, but you can.

We thoroughly disinfect the entire room

in between patients.

Sir? Just...
I need a minute, okay?

Can I leave my face shield on,
please?

Sure. Oh, God.

If you'd like,
I can stay with you.

I can hold your foot or... No, no, no,
no. I don't want anybody touching me.

Nobody touches me, okay?

Osler's nodes,
so... endocarditis.

Yes, but what is
the underlying cause?

He denies
intravenous drug use,

there's no indwelling catheter,
no diabetes...

He said he hasn't left his house
since lockdown, right?

May I?

Hey, Byron. Yeah?

Have you had any trouble
with your teeth lately?

I had a... a popcorn kernel
stuck in my teeth,

and I picked it out
with a paperclip

and... and now my gums
are a little sore,

but I-I'm not going
to the dentist.

I'm not gonna lay there with
my mouth open for 20 minutes

inhaling somebody's
spit droplets.

No way.Bingo.

Dental infection, which led
to bacterial endocarditis.

Aortic valve abscess almost
completely blocking the valves.

Helm, order some antibiotics
and book an OR.

I thought of it.

You just said it first.

Oh, yeah, I believe you.

100%.

Were you looking
for me, dear?

Yeah, I was.
Yeah.

You know, I built my life,

my sanity,

my sobriety...

around the surrender
to a higher power.

I mean, for me,

it's the belief
that there's some purpose.

That there's
a... a bigger plan.

Something that if
I got all the way above it

and could look down on it

like, um...

Like a jigsaw puzzle, okay? Mm.

That somehow it would...
It would make sense.

My faith is rooted
in the trust

that there's a... a meaning
and a wisdom

that I'm just not elevated
enough to see or understand.

A faith that
whoever made this puzzle,

it makes sense to Him.

Today,
I'm... I'm struggling.

I'm struggling
with my faith.

I'm struggling
to trust anything.

And I just cannot
see any wisdom in this.

I live
with stage 4 cancer.

A cancer
very few people survive.

I just got the results
from my latest scan,

and... nothing has grown.

It makes no sense.

Everywhere we look,

someone is dying
that was healthy yesterday.

It makes no sense.

"Puzzle"
is the right word.

You can look for the pain,
the lost, the unbearable.

Or you can look
for the beauty, the grace...

the miracle.

And nothing grew?

Nothing grew.

Okay, so, I know
that people buy and trade

and get rich
and then just lose everything.

But what exactly
is the stock market?

It's a good thing you already
know how to live out of a car.

Why? Well, questions like that

make me think you're
gonna end up back in one.

Uh...
who is it?

It's Jackson Avery!

I'm here for a quick bang.

I...
Jo!

I...

Shut up.

Bad time?

Oh, crap.

Hey. Really bad time.

Um, I brought whiskey.

Oh, we're day drinking.
Ah!

Sorry, dude.
I didn't realize, uh...

No, no, it's cool.

Guess you're aware of our...
situation, then.

Yep. Sweet deal.

Here.

Oh, no,
I'm on, uh, call.

Oh! Dibs.

Okay. Cheers.

Happy...

all-our-friends-are-dying
day.

I told him we'd move as fast
as was safely possible.

His echo showed
his ejection fraction at 64%,

so hopefully his heart is strong
enough to have a good outcome.

Who cleans his teeth
with a paperclip?

Isolation makes people
do crazy things.

We're not meant
to be alone.

People physically
need people.

Oh, no, no! Don't...
Don't... Don't touch me!

Just back away!
Please, everybody, back away.

Dr. Pierce! I'm sorry.
I can't be here!

I can't do this. I can't!
Get away from me! Dr. Pierce. Dr. Pierce.

Dr. Pierce! A little help? I can't be here!
I can't be here!

Oh, God. I can't!
I can't be here.

I can't.
I need to get out of here!

Okay, call security.
I'm gonna go to the elevator.

You go to the OR board.
I don't know where that is.

It's... Did anyone lose
a naked man?

Because he went that way.

Oh.

Byron?

Hey, Byron.

I'm... I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

I can't do this.
I can't be here.

I...

Oh, my God, my masks.
I'm not wearing my masks.

Honey, you're not wearing
anything.

My best friend, Rory,
he was healthy as a horse.

Never worked a day job
his entire life,

he didn't smoke,
he didn't drink,

he... he ran triathlons.

He got the virus,
he was dead in a week. A week!

Wife and kids didn't
get to say goodbye to him.

Do you know
how many people

they're projecting die
from this?

Hundreds of thousands. I know.

And if you
want to walk out of here,

I'm not gonna stop you.

Wait, what?

But I will follow you.

Because your heart's
only gonna get worse,

and I owe it to you,

I owe it to my oath,

I owe it...

I lost someone, too,
Byron.

Not COVID.

But I know that pain,

and I know how unfair it is
and how enraging it is.

But I think...

I think we owe it
to the people we lost

to live the lives
that they can't.

Even when it seems hard,
and even when we're afraid.

Byron, you have a problem
that we can fix.

We can fix this.

But you have to let us.

I don't want to die.

I don't want to die.

I don't want you to die,
either.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's get you
a gown first.

She didn't even know
that she was pregnant.

And then
we saved her baby.

And then...

she died.

It's like,
during a pandemic,

shouldn't all the other
tragic crap take a break?

You're seriously
gonna quit surgery?

I need some good things
in my life.

And babies are good.

You realize OB
is all about moms, yeah?

Yeah, who are happy
because they're having babies.

Not having my own
any time soon...

Fingers crossed.

...or maybe ever,

so I might as well hang out
with some others.

I got like 15 of themat home.

Hang out with those.

It's so unfair!

You and Amelia
didn't even want a baby,

and then you got one
and neither of you died.

Oh, poor you.

You're young and single
and dating a plastic surgeon.

No, we're not...
Not dating. It's just sex.

And you can still work.
Oh.

Last time
my life sucked this bad,

I quit medicine
and moved to Venice Beach.

Ah, yes.
The bike shop, right?

Heaven.

Jackson wants to
run away to the woods.

Oh, nice.
Can I come?

No, that would defeat
the purpose.

What isthe purpose?

You kidding? Escape.
Outta here. Mm.

Escape from pain and rage
and responsibility.

Escape from humanity.

I mean,
trees don't murder people.

Trees do not
politicize a disease

and convince
millions of people

not to protect themselves
and others

by using a simple piece of damn
fabric on their faces, so...

Trees don't even
have faces.

You know what?
Maybe you can come.

Ohh!

Uh, primary repair
of the stomach...

...diaphragm,
splenectomy,

and repair
of ventricular injury...

All intact.

Ultimately died
from coagulopathy.

Like I told you. Well, now we have it
in writing.

Which will make
the M&M go smoothly.

The M&M?

Bailey, what in the hell
are you trying to prove?

It's Andrew DeLuca.

He gave five years of his life
to this hospital.

We own him due diligence.

What about what you owe to your
doctors that are still here?

The ones who've sacrificed
their lives to fight a pandemic,

who hardly sleep or eat
or even shower,

who see their families
on screens...

Their faces are full of bruises
because of the damn PPE,

and now you want them
to sit in front of a computer

and be grilled
on whether they messed up

trying to save
one of their own?

Let them grieve,
for God's sake!

You are causing me harm.

You are causing harm
to Hunt and Altman.

DeLuca was a victim
of a horrible crime,

and he lost
too much blood.

No mistakes were made,
no stitch was missed.

And the mere suggestion
that any of us

didn't do everything possible
to save his life...

...it's a pain
I wouldn't put on anyone.

I want you closer.

Could you please
just come here?

Do you remember when
you were trying to teach Zola

how to ride a bike?

She got so frustrated
because she couldn't,

and she threw it down,
and she goes, "Mama, you do it."

And you couldn't stop laughing,
and she got so mad.

Well, I was trying
not to laugh.

So am I.

I can't do it for you.

It's your beach.

Zola's amazing,
isn't she?

I mean,
she's just so brilliant.

She writes me letters
in her journal.

Did you know that?

Well, what is that?
What is that face?

Would you start a surgery
with a face like that?

No!

No.

You would relax.

It hasn't been that long.

Maybe we could decrease
sedation a bit further,

at least run another ABG.

And hope she doesn't go
into cardiac arrest

while we wait
for the results?

I'm turning the settings
back up.

Grey's staying
on the vent.

How's the book report
coming?

That was
one of my favorites.

That's what grownups say
to convince you

to finish your homework.

You got me there.

I'm supposed to write a whole
page about living forever.

Mom says it's impossible.
So what's the point?

Your mom is pretty smart.

If I made a medicine
where you could live forever,

would you take it?

I don't know.

Uncle Link said,
"Heck yeah."

That sounds like him.

Me, I don't know.

I think the fact
that we can't live forever

is one of the things
that makes life so special.

Impermanence.

I think if we could
live forever,

we'd spend so much time
losing the people that we love

instead of holding tight
while we still can.

Impermanence.

I like that word.

Me too.

If I had the medicine,
I'd give it to my mom right now.

Me too.

Hey,
you want to call her?

Alright.

Hello there.

Can we have a minute?

Of course.

Hi, Mommy.
I miss you so much.

I love you.

Um, I've been writing
a page about living forever.

How are you doing?

It didn't work?

Altman wants to try again
in a day or so.

When I lost my wife,
um...

...the therapist,
she said that

there's no wrong way
to process the loss,

the grief.

But there is.

Over a bloody computer screen,
it's...

...it's wrong.

Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.

Dr. Lyon,
call the blood bank.

Ohh!
Oh!

You know the rules.
Who deserves it?

Deserves what?
Rules to what? "Make it Sadder."

We tell our sob stories,

and whosever story is saddest
wins the last shot.

"Make it Sadder"?
That's fun?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Alright.
I'll be the judge.

I'll be the judge.
Alright, go.Okay.

Alright.

I am currently raising
four children

in a hellscape of a world

where people
don't listen to science.

My parents are going ahead
with their second wedding

even though
there's a pandemic,

so they'll probably
get sick and die.

And, uh, my last shred
of me-time...

Sneaking an occasional drink,

which was already
pretty pathetic,

I know... is now ruined.

Strong. Yeah.
Mm, alright.

I had plans the weekend
that everything shut down.

I had crawled out
of my depression,

and I was all set
to start over by...

going...

...going on dates.

Oh, yeah. Aww!

Okay, yes, yes.

You guys,
I even bought outfits, okay?

Hang on. Okay.
Ah! Okay.Alright.

Let me show you.

What do we have?
Oh, this is cute, right?

The perfect thing
to declare someone dead in.

Oh, what about this?

This, for the, um,
career girl

that just spent, um,
seven hours

making more room for bodies
on the morgue truck.

Or...
Or...

How about this?

This, for... for
the funeral of a co-worker

who got stabbed to death...

who doesn't even
get a funeral.

Okay,
Jo wins the last shot.

No, no!

Yes. No way. Unh-unh.

Unh-unh. Thank you so much.

She has an entire loft
all to herself!

Mnh-mnh.

Hold on.
Ahh!

What's that?

It's Richard.

The memorial for DeLuca
is tonight.

Alright, I'll drive.

Let's, um, get ready.

Orderly to 6 East.

Hey. Uh, just moved
Mr. Cabrera up here.

Another complete white-out.

How's Meredith?

Um, uh...

It... It didn't work.

And I'm questioning
why I even thought it would.

Well, DeLuca's autopsy results
came back.

We did everything
that we could.

I know that.

And he's still dead.

Your kids call every day
on a video chat.

Don't know
if you can hear them.

Don't even know
if you can hear me now.

You look perfect.

Maybe... Maybe

it's none of my business,
Grey,

but I'm begging you.

Fight.

That's up to you.

But if you're asking me,

you should hear him out.

They need you, Grey.

The little one...

Ellis. She looks just like you.

She got
all your expressions.

She doesn't smile
easy or often,

but when she does, sweet Jesus,
it lights up the room.

What did you do
to make her smile?

You shoulda seen it...

She smiles and she smiles,

and it gets bigger
and bigger until...

Boom!...
She just bursts out laughing.

What did you do
to make her laugh?

Then her brother gets annoyed
because she's laughing so hard

right in his ear.

That's Bailey.

And then the oldest one
comes in,

and she takes the tablet
and says they're hogging it

and that she needs
time with you, too,

because she's the oldest
and she's your favorite.

Zola.

Then I hear a click and a lock,
but we're in darkness.

Can't tell who has it,
'cause I can't see a face.

But then I hear a voice,
and it's the oldest one.

And she's
sittin' in the dark.

She's in her closet.

That's where she goes
to write letters to her dad.

And she says,
"I'm really sorry, Mum.

Didn't mean for things
to get so violent.

Ellis can be
truly infuriating."

They need you, Grey.

I know.

They need you to fight.

We all need you to fight.

I don't know that I can.

It's... so warm here.

The water is so cool.

I feel so relaxed.

And there's no pain.

I watched my kids
lose their mum.

You don't want
that for your kids, Grey.

There are people getting better
here every day.

You could be
one of those people.

I believe that you could.

'Cause I've heard the stories
about other fights

you've already won, so...

So I'm asking you
to fight.

You fight, Grey.

It's okay.

I'll be right here.

Dr. Webber
set something up for DeLuca.

A memorial.

I'm not a great Jew.

I cheated
at my bar mitzvah.

I was too busy trying
to ignore Lenny Rapkin's shins

that I didn't learn Hebrew,

so I just wrote it out
phonetically

and read that instead.

I skip half the High Holy Days
and repent for it at Yom Kippur.

And if I'm honest, I...

go back and forth
about believing in God,

which is actually very Jewish,
but...

It's the traditions
that I find helpful.

When a loved one dies,
we have...

rules about how to grieve
and move on.

Protocols.

We force ourselves
to sit in the pain.

We cry.

And we laugh.

And we eat a lot.

And it doesn't bring
the person back,

but it does
start the healing.

Chief, your mom died.

My mom makes me crazy,

but I'm gonna fall apart
when she dies.

And you have people
you can be with.

People who love you and miss you
and need to grieve with you.

This pandemic
has taken so much.

Don't give it that,
too.

Hey.

Oh, sorry.

Um, I'm about to head back in
to check on Mr. Gibbis.

He's sedated and stable.

You gonna go
to the memorial?

I thought bad things
about him.

When he was sick, I thought,
"Great, more surgeries for me."

I had no compassion.

And now he's just...

dead.

And we can't hug.

And as a rule,
I hate hugs, but...

...I haven't physically touched
anyone without gloves

in over two months,

and I-I feel like
I'm turning into that patient.

Another week of this and...

I'll be running through
the hospital naked.

Stand up.

And turn around.

I'm sorry?

Just trust me.

Thank you.

Spread out, please.

We may be outside, but we still
need to maintain our distance.

Richard.

I'm...

I need to
take some time off.

I'm not sure how long.

But I-I need to go home.

However long you need.

Everybody, can I have
your attention, please?

Thank you.

I appreciate
you all being here tonight.

Grey-Sloan is a family.

And Andrew DeLuca
was a member of that family.

And his death,
however brave...

Well,
it's still heartbreaking.

We can't honor his life
like we might have in the past,

but we can still honor him.

Dr. Perez?

Hello.

Uh, my name is Andrew DeLuca,
and I'm thrilled to be

applying to the surgical
residency program

at Grey-Sloan
Memorial Hospital.

A bit about me.

I am Italian,
but I grew up in Wisconsin.

A lot of doctors
in my family,

including my big sister,
Carina.

Um, I grew up stealing
her game of Operation,

so I guess you can say
it's, uh, been a dream of mine

for a very long time.

The idea of doing my training
at Grey-Sloan

and... and learning
from surgical legends

like Richard Webber
and Miranda Bailey

and Jackson Avery
and Meredith Grey...

uh, well, it just doesn't
get any better than that.

I think the reason I want to
become a surgeon

is that I've always had

this insatiable desire
to help people.

And I think I get that from
my mom, who I lost too soon.

And, uh, she had
this really giving heart,

and she always pushed me to
do as much good as possible,

so I guess
I'm doing this for her.

Now, you should be warned,

I can be relentless at times,
and very stubborn.

But I promise that,
if I match with you...

I will give you
the very best of me.

Thank you.

Alright.

At all costs,

we avoid
negative experiences.

We ignore pain.

We steer clear
of the unfamiliar.

We lie when asked
about how we feel.

We shouldn't do that.

I stopped by
the hospital for, um...

I watched.

I won't keep booze
in the house anymore.

That's not what I need
from you.

What I need from you
is no more secrets.

It's just...
We have this baby together.

We have this whole life
together, so...

I want to really know you.

Deal.

I reek of whiskey right now,
or I would hug you.

I will hold my breath.

Because I've learned something
from these last several months.

Teddy?

Hey.

Teddy.

I'm gonna take you home,
okay?

Okay.

The body
can only take so much.

Captions by VITAC...