Grey's Anatomy (2005–…): Season 17, Episode 14 - Look Up Child - full transcript
Jackson pays a visit to his father that helps set him on the right path.
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It's a natural
progression in any profession
for the student to
become the teacher,
the mentee to become the mentor.
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It's not that much
different from parenting.
I'm your son.
We learn from our ancestors
how to make the perfect soup.
How to soothe an
aching head or heart.
Your call
has been forwarded
to an automated voice
messaging system.
We measure
milestones and percentiles
and first steps
to try and gain insight into
the person they'll grow into.
Tate, you're early.
I've just started
packing lunches.
As if knowing a bunch
of numbers on charts
is any true measure of what
we might make of ourselves.
Jackson.
Hey, Dad.
Alright.
I know it seems, like,
impulsive and out of nowhere,
but it's not... it's just, uh
uh, fast.
But it's not, like
impulsive, impulsive.
It's...
I thought it through. It's
just I thought it through...
Oh!
Everybody alive?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's not...
Not why I'm here.
I thought you were Tate.
He delivers meals for me to people
in the community that need them.
Okay. Not Tate.
Well, come on in.
Take a load off.
I tested clean yesterday
and haven't seen anyone.
I haven't seen anyone, either.
I just made a fresh
pot of coffee.
Want some? I'm good.
How have you been?
I've been thinking a
lot about you lately,
what with everything
going on in the world.
I was gonna call,
but the way we left
things last time,
I figured you did not
want to talk to me.
And I didn't want to be
one of those added things
on top of the
pandemic to deal with.
How have you been?
How's your little girl?
She must be, what...
She's 3 1/2 years old.
Her name is Harriet.
Right.
Look, I didn't
travel all this way
to just catch up, so, um...
I need... answers.
Well, I've got about 150
lunches to put together,
so if we're gonna talk,
why don't you grab a pair
of gloves over here with me
and, uh
help me out?
Oh, my God, it's your night.
It's... Wait... It's your night?
How can it be your
night with Harriet?
She's not packed, she's
not ready, she's sick,
and I have a calendar. It's okay, no,
no, it's not... it's not my night.
No? Alright? April, hey.
It's not? No, no,
no, it's alright.
Okay. Just take a breath.
What's going on? What's wrong?
She has a temp of 102, and...
and she's coughing... Okay.
And she has no
appetite. Come here.
But I-I took a rapid
test... It's not COVID.
Come here, munchkin.
Come here. That's good.
Hey. Why didn't you call
me? I don't know what it is.
Whooping cough or
RSV or rickets?
It's not rickets. People
get rickets, Jackson.
And... And Matthew just
went out East with Ruby
to see his sister,
and the power keeps
going on and off,
and I know, I am a doctor,
I need to take a deep
breath and I should be cool,
but I am... You're not
being cool right now.
You're not even breathing,
okay? Go ahead. Oh, God.
She's been sick
before, obviously,
but, like, COVID just makes
everything feel so... big.
And I know I need to calm down,
but no one in the
history of calming down
has ever calmed down by
being told to calm down,
so I'm not gonna, okay? I'm not
gonna tell you to calm down, alright?
I'm not telling you to calm
down, I promise. I just...
Why don't you let me
in the house, maybe?
Yeah, yes, okay.
Just... sorry. Okay?
Come in. Hey, sweetheart.
I can't tell you
how long it took me
to come up with
this nifty system.
First, we start with
a bunch of these,
what I've coined
the brawn bundle.
Here's how we do it...
Two pieces of smoked ham,
one slice of honey
turkey, and provolone.
Are you serious with all this?
Roll it up, and once you
have your ingredients set,
you move down here to the bread.
You won't believe how
much time that saves.
Try a piece.
Look, I'll make the
damn sandwiches with you
in order to... it's fine.
Okay?
But I don't need
to taste anything
or have any food or coffee.
Just... I don't need
anything from you, honestly.
I just need answers.
Okay.
Answers?
Mom said something to me
that I cannot get
out of my head.
Yeah, she has a talent for that.
She said, for the
first time ever,
that I sounded like you.
Did
you piss her off?
I said I can't really see change
coming from inside
the foundation.
There's too much bureaucracy.
Well, to be honest,
I haven't thought about the
foundation in a long time.
Yeah, but what do you
think she meant by that?
Years ago, I learned
to never put words in
your mother's mouth.
If you had to guess.
I've never been one
for the establishment.
I always thought the
whole system is rigged.
So, how we doing over there?
You know, I don't think
ham-and-turkey sandwiches
get enough credit.
They're simple, but
they get the job done.
So I said that the whole
system's just broken,
needs to be thrown
out and rebuilt,
understanding that that's
damn near impossible
considering how many
people benefit from it
the way it is right now.
That does sound
a little like me.
You look like you could
use some more turkey.
Ever use a commercial
meat slicer?
When would I have
done that? Summer job?
Anyway, it reminds
me of the O.R.,
without the pressure of
possibly killing someone.
Come on, let me show you.
Yeah, I can figure
it out, thank you.
Okay.
You might want to...
You might want to
turn it on first.
Yeah, right.
Just, what is it?
Here, let me show you. Okay.
First of all, you
gotta lift this.
Here's your gauge for how thick
you want to make
the slice of meat.
Okay. Got it. Thank you.
The carriage goes
back and forth.Great.
I got it.
Kinda relaxing when you
get a rhythm going, huh?
So... you're saying
you wanted change,
but what?
You felt powerless 'cause
you were an Avery or...?
As you know,
the Avery name carries a
great deal of influence,
but it also carries
a great deal of baggage.
That amount of money
can become a burden
pretty quickly.
Everybody knows you have it, so
they expect you
to be responsible
to fix everything with it.
And there's almost
no one in your shoes,
so almost no one
seems to get it.
At least not when I said it.
Certainly not when
the name is synonymous
with just the worst
behavior imaginable.
Well, not here it's not.
Here, nobody knows
who my father was
or that I come from money.
Out here, they just think
I'm Robert who runs the diner.
April: God.
Uh, Matthew's been
working a lot.
I mean, I've been working a lot.
Yeah, don't worry about
it. My place is, uh...
Please don't do that.
Don't be all weird-nice with
your voice an octave higher
like you do with people
at hotels or at the bank.
I have a weird bank voice now?
It's making you nuts.
You...
You can say it.
Just mess everywhere.
Pillows all over the place.
I maintain that throw pillows
are useless and stupid, yeah.
How long has my
munchkin been sick?
Couple days.
She just hasn't
wanted to do anything,
just lie on me.
Also, she needs a bath.
She smells like feet.
Well, I hate to break it to
you... that's you. No, it's not.
100 percent you.
Oh, God. That is
me. Jackson: Yeah.
Go take a shower.
April: Jackson, I...
April, go take a shower, please.
Hey, Jackson. Mm-hmm?
I'm calming down.
See? I am. I am.
10 minutes. 10 minutes.
She ever taken a 10-minute
shower in her life?
I don't think so.
Some tunes? Good idea.
Let's see what she's got.
We got this, right?
We got this, baby.
We got this.
You're gonna feel
better in no time.
Harriet and Dad.
We got this.
April: Oh, come on!
Or maybe we don't.
I gotta give it to you...
That's some good turkey.
Best in the state.
Yeah, I'll take
your word for it.
So, what'd your dad think
when you decided to
walk away from it all?
At first, he thought
it was just a phase.
But then when he
realized I was serious,
he stopped speaking to me.
Completely?
He said I was selfish,
compulsive, lazy,
a stain on the family name.
Which I now see is
such a complete joke.
No, he was never interested
in talking to me,
unless it was about
the hospital image
or profits or expansion.
If I have to have
one more conversation
about cutting hospital
costs, I swear...
Someone's got to do it.
I just knew it
wasn't gonna be me.
I was never gonna be
the son my father wanted
because I didn't want to be
the man the role required.
That's why you're here.
Why's that?
Because
you're ready to
leave it all behind.
Why does anyone have an
electric water heater?
A power outage is when you
need hot water the most.
Well, Harriet cried
herself to sleep.
I propped her head up to
help with the coughing.
Okay, thank you.
And I found a flashlight
and a few candles,
but I can't find any damn
matches in this place.
Oh, yeah, well, I'm married
to a first responder.
The matches are in a drawer
even I've never found.
Alright. Well,
then, stove it is.
Geez.
Can you get some more candles?
What?
Oh, crap! Sorry.
This is a nun.
I just grabbed the, uh...
The first nun you could find?
Saying
I'm going to hell?
Since when do you
believe in hell? True.
But they're your candles,
so you're going to hell.
Okay.
Alright, just give me
this. Yeah, grab that.
Her fever's at 102,
so you might be right about RSV.
Okay.
So we just give
her acetaminophen
and wait it out unless
she gets short of breath?
Versus driving in a blackout
to Grey-Sloan in a pandemic?
Yeah, we're not going anywhere.
The risk of exposure alone...
We don't need doctors,
April. We aredoctors.
And if she gets worse...
Which she probably won't.
Exactly.
Yeah.
How's Meredith doing?
I've been praying for her.
Oh, she's, uh...
She's awake. Yeah?
And she's getting better
every day, stronger.
Oh. Yeah.
So, tonight wasn't your night.
Yes. As usual, your
calendar is impeccable.
Well done.
No, I'm just saying,
uh, tonight...
Tonight wasn't your
night, so why are you...
How have I never
been to your place?
I feel like I guess we
must always do drop-offs
at mine or work.
It's... It's nice.
It looks really nice.
I like what you've
done. Jackson...
You guys are happy, you
and... you and Matthew?
We're busy, like everyone else.
And Harriet and you
and him and Ruby,
the same house, it's going...
Exposed brick is... is cool.
I know you've always liked...
Do you really think I can't
tell when you're being cagey?
I'm not being cagey. Am I happy?
Exposed brick? Would you
just talk like a person?
I went to see my dad again.
Oh, God. Is he sick?
No, he's the same as always.
Obliviously medium happy about
his obliviously medium life.
I thought you never
wanted to see him again.
I didn't.
I needed to know if I
was right about what I
what I wanted.
And we're back to being cagey.
I'm not trying to
be cagey, April.
He couldn't handle it.
Okay?
He couldn't step up
or step into his own,
and I can.
I want to take over
the foundation.
Is this the, uh,
coffee you showed me
last time I was here?
We sold out of our first batch.
The local paper wrote us up,
so we decided to add
four more roasts.
I was gonna branch out into
other parts of the state,
and then, ah, COVID.
Yeah, I remember. You
guys got hit pretty hard.
Hospital was turning
people away, right?
It was a lot.
I did everything I could
to keep this place
open after COVID hit.
But then I ended up
just bagging up food
for the regulars.
Word spread,
and every morning,
I come in here
and crank up the
Doobie Brothers,
start packing lunches.
It was weirdly therapeutic.
Kept my mind occupied.
Well
you got quite the
bubble out here.
Built a very different
life for yourself.
We're all raised to think
that's some kind
of wild concept.
But what's wild is
going to work every day
doing something you do not like,
thinking one day, it'll
just magically stop.
Yeah.
I just feel stuck.
Hmm.
Like there's two of me.
Like there's this...
This successful surgeon that
I worked so hard to become,
was trying to push
the foundation
to be more progressive.
And also just the guy
that didn't ask for
any of this, you know?
I'm worried that
maybe it's too late...
The system's beyond repair.
Maybe I could be effective
from the outside.
Or maybe you could
let go of the idea
that it's your job
to save the world.
You know, there's nothing wrong
with wanting to
keep things simpler.
Yeah, I think about that a lot.
Actually, I think, you know,
I could get a small
place in the woods,
maybe open a private practice,
do things
I really care about.
Explore the great
outdoors with Harriet.
We all deserve to live
our lives however we want.
Sure, yeah.
You are an older white guy
who's always had money, so...
If nothing changes in the world,
you're still gonna be
fine, but I... I hear you.
You given any
thought to what if?
What if I didn't come back here?
What if you chose
differently, yeah.
Well, I'm more of a, hmm
"never look back" type.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, um...
When I was here last time,
I wanted to ask you why,
and I... I didn't...
I couldn't...
I guess I used to
say I was over it,
but I'm not.
I need to know why you left.
'Cause, um...
I realize that it's
really messed me up
pretty badly.
And, um...
It just made it hard to, like,
maintain relationships
and stuff.
Having this inclination
to run away all the time.
And I know, I know...
Running away doesn't
actually solve anything.
I know that.
So... And I've tried.
I've tried really hard to
rid myself of the shame
and the pain that comes
with all that, and, uh...
You know, just kind
of doubled-down
on being the best
at everything...
The best father I
could possibly be.
I probably stayed in my marriage
longer than I should have,
went along with
foundation business
longer than I should have,
but no matter what,
when it gets rough,
I just end up... right there,
running, into the woods.
Try to fight the you in me.
Can you not just sit there looking
at me? Can you say something?
Pretend that I'm
worth talking to?
I don't know how you can just
say nothing all the... Ow!
God! Aah! Damn it!
God!
Oh, man. You alright?
No, I'm not alright!
Give it... I got it!
Pressure, pressure, pressure.
Okay.
Temp's down to 101.
It's just a bad dream.
Oh, yeah? How's her
breathing? It's better.
Oh, good, alright. Yeah.
So we could be out
of the woods. Yeah.
So, were you hoping
Matthew wasn't gonna
be here tonight? What?
No, I don't have a
problem with Matthew.
Really? What?
Whenever you guys are in
the same room together,
you say one of three things...
"Yup," "Sure," "Not a problem."
Well, okay, yeah.
We're not best friends,
but, I mean, it's civil.
He seems like a fine guy.
He seems, uh, kind. Kind?
I don't have a badword
to say about him.
That... That's something.
So then why did you want to
come tell me this in person?
You're considering
running the foundation.
What's that got to do with me?
That's the thing...
I'm not just considering it.
I'm doing it.
Running the foundation means
I got to move to Boston.
W... Without Harriet?
No. God, no.
I'm moving to Boston,
and I really need
you all to come.
The foundation will
employ you and Matthew.
You'll be set.
You can do whatever you want
in terms of an outreach
program or design or build.
Anything you want to
do, we'll fund it.
I would never leave Harriet.
I could never,
ever leave Harriet,
which means I really need
you all to come with me.
Please.
Doesn't look like there
are any tendon injuries.
Yeah, the cut's not that deep.
Okay.
Another wash, then
let's glue it.
I can handle it from here.
Actually, just hand me the glue.
Okay.
Ow.
Just give me your hand.
Come on, man. Let
me do this. Okay.
I may not have
practiced in a while,
but it is like riding a bike.
Not exactly, but okay.
Hold it together.
See? Alright.
That is not bad.
Okay. Does it hurt?
Do you want any Tylenol
or anything? Um.
No, no, no. It's
actually just...
It stings a little
bit, but that's fine.
Thank you. Look at us.
We ought to open up
a family practice.
You know, I'm gonna...
I'm just gonna grab some air.
April:
I get it, Jackson.
You're not the only
person in quarantine
who's drowning in big.
"What the hell am I
doing with my life?"
Kind of questions.
But you don't just up and
move across the country
on a whim.
No, no, no, that's not what
this is. It's not on a whim.
Since the moment I
met you at Mercy West,
you have rejected your
family name, the legacy,
even the freaking plane.
You've... You've wanted
nothing to do with any of it.
I resisted. That's not
necess... No, no, no.
Sorry, you've been running,
kicking and screaming.
That is not where
this is coming from.
Okay? I can use this
as an opportunity
to make some profound
changes in the world.
You understand?
I respect that. I mean,
I-I admire that, Jackson.
As long as it's not an inconvenience
to your perfect little life here?
Uprooting my entire life
is not an inconvenience.
Okay, you're right.
But I need this.
I know that I need to do this.
I can feel it in my gut, and I
just want to trust that for once.
Okay.
How many times have you
"felt in your gut"...Don't
the need to just pack up a tent
and go for a walkabout
and talk to yourself
amongst the trees?
So I'm the only one that's walked
away when I was having a hard time?
Just me, huh?
How many times have you been
sitting in the front
pew at a church,
talking to God about
the plans for your life?
It's not the same
thing. I... Why not?
Why is it that you can find
solace and purpose in a church,
but I can't find it in nature,
where I can actually have some
time that's quiet
hear myself think,
think about what I want,
not what everybody
else expects of me?
So how long did you spend
thinking about going
to see your father?
How much time did
you spend doing that?
Don't reduce it to that! Or did you
just, like, get in a car and... and go...
No, it's not on a whim, okay?
It was a realization. Okay, I...
I needed clarity,
and I went and talked
to Robert, and I got it.
You have never
wanted any of this.
And... And I'm just
supposed to roll with it
and see what happens?
What... What happens
when you regret it?
What happens when you realize
that you actually hate it?
What you're asking of me,
of... of our family, of
our daughter, it's...
What happens if it doesn't work?
Matthew got on one knee
and proposed to you...
Please don't. Jackson,
I'm... No, no, no, it's true.
He got on one knee
and proposed to you
in front of me.
I stood there,
watched another man
become your husband
and stepfather to my
child our child... Mm-hmm.
And at no point did I
come to you and say,
"Yeah, but what if
it doesn't work?"
I didn't do that.
I had your back that
day and every day since.
He bugs the hell out
of you, doesn't he?
I'm allowed to be
frustrated at the guy
who makes sandwiches weird.
Who... I-It's... And he
calls her Hair-Hair. I know.
I know. I'm working on that.
What I'm not allowed
to do, April,
what... what I've
actually never done,
is stand in the way
of the happiness that
you chose for yourself.
I had your back.
I know this is a surprise,
but I'm just asking
you... Do the same for me.
I...
I... I want you to
be happy, Jackson.
You deserve it.
But running the foundation?
I... I'm sorry.
It's just...
You're not that guy.
I don't think you ever will be.
Jackson: So, that's it? I'm
either gonna fail or quit?
I'm sorry, Jackson. I
didn't... I didn't mean that...
Yeah, you did. That's
exactly what you meant.
Ok...
Fine. Yeah. I did.
Jackson, you are a
brilliant surgeon.
You rebuild people's faces,
you rebuild their lives.
You find a way to
make them breathe
when... When it
seems impossible.
You gave a little
boy back his hands.
You prayed me back
into the world
when I was almost dead.
Y-You take out
impossible tumors,
and you make people
walk out into the world
with their heads held high.
That's where you've
left your mark.
It's what makes you exceptional.
Wh...
Why would you want to
give all of that up?
It's not about what I want.
It's what I need to do.
Well, you know what? It's a
little late to decide that.
Excuse me?
You don't get to choose who
I am in this world, April.
Nobody does.
Not my father,
not Mom... nobody.
And you don't get to choose
your career over mine.
That's... I am happy.
I'm helping people.
I'm really helping them.
I am building support systems
and resources for people
in rural communities,
and they need so much,
and I can actually
do that for them.
And you can keep doing that.
You can do it on an
even bigger scale.
You can do it
across the country.
I'm... You're literally
just gaining resources.
April, I am not trying
to diminish your work.
We have an opportunity
to do something really
amazing for all of us.
Matthew will go along with it.
He'll follow you.
That's why I like him so much.
Oh, God.
You know what?
You... You didn't
always have my back.
When I found what
I needed in Jordan,
you didn't go with me.
You left me alone. I went alone.
April, that's not fair.
You ran away from me.
And Samuel and the
pain and the grief,
which is understandable.
You know, I was
resentful at the time,
but I get it.
You were surviving.
You had to do what you
had to do to survive.
But this isn't that, anyway.
I'm not running fromsomething.
I'm trying to run tosomething.
Trying to make something my own.
It's not fair, Jackson.
If you had the opportunity
to finally make
it all make sense,
to become what you
were meant to be,
wouldn't you try really,
really hard to get there?
I would.
I did.
That's all I'm asking for.
I got it.
99.3.
Oh, good. Alright.Yeah.
So she's a little
more comfortable.
Yeah. She's talking
in her sleep.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Anything good?
Just gibberish.
She said, "Amananome."
Ah. That is the sea anemone.
Oh.
She's been waking me
up the last few weeks
with a different
sea creature fact.
Are they really "facts," though?
In her
head, they are.
It's the best alarm clock,
ever, I'll tell you.
Last week, she told me
that she could hear "werewoofs"
throwing up in your basement.
Really? I don't even
have a basement.
Oh, I'm aware.
There's no convincing
her otherwise.
So stubborn.
Which I would say comes
from her mother... Mm.
But I think we both know
50/50 split... right
down the middle.
Yeah.
I could never give that
up going to Boston.
Sea creature alarm clocks,
holding her when she's sick.
But I can't walk
away from this chance
to make real change
in the foundation.
I mean, Mom was able to do both.
And I know in my
gut, that I can, too.
I mean, I owe it to
Harriet to try, at least.
I know. And I know
I can't do it all,
but, April, I am telling you,
I can take this foundation
to a whole new chapter.
I mean, creating real
racial equity in medicine.
Are you kidding?
It's a revolutionary,
lasting change.
I could look my
daughter in the face
and know that I've done
everything I possibly can
to give her a better world.
I know. I know.
I could do all that
and... and be the father
that mine never was.
And all I need to do is
turn my life upside down.
Puts a lot into
perspective, huh?
Yeah, I come out
here every morning
just to take it all in.
Feel like I got a lot
more thinking done
these last few days out here
than probably
all year.
Might find it hard to believe,
but I've been thinking a
lot about our last visit.
Everything you said.
And the truth is,
I left because that's what I do.
I chose this place
because it's safe.
Running the restaurant,
bagging lunches,
none of it requires much of me.
I can walk away and
not look back any time.
And just forget about who
you're leaving behind, yeah?
I was convinced you were
better off without me.
Without a father?
How would you think
I'm better off without
my father never being
there for any birthdays,
any graduations?
That time I got beat
up by Billy Paxton?
At my wedding?
The birth of my child,
your granddaughter.
My divorce... maybe that
would've been a good time
for you to step in
and share some wisdom.
A hug, I don't know.
Help me make some decisions?
It's not like it was
a few months, man.
Or a year or 10 years.
It's my entire life.
How could you think that's
better? In my father's eyes,
I was the screw-up
in the family,
and I absorbed that story.
Maybe I became it.
And I didn't want to
pass that down to you.
Robert: I did not
want to mess you up.
Congrats.
I get that now.
I hurt a lot of people.
You, your mother.
And to have found out I
have a granddaughter that I
may never meet...
Yeah, well, it didn't have
to be that way, did it?
You're absolutely right.
So I buy her presents.
An art set, a basketball,
tricycle, board games.
What are you saying? And
you didn't send them?
I don't have the right.
I don't deserve
to take your time,
be in your space.
Not one day has passed
that I haven't
regretted leaving you.
It haunts me in my sleep,
when I wake up in the morning.
And I am truly, truly sorry.
And yet I know an apology
will never make up for it.
And I have to live with that.
I will never get over it.
Oh, Jackson.
Crossroads like this, you
don't arrive at them often,
but I know you will be okay,
no matter what road you choose.
I'm still an Avery, right?
I still find some way to
walk away from it all.
Apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.
Isn't that what they say?
Nice.
That's great. No, I'm sorry.
I just thought that was funny.
I'm the tree, you're the apple.
Do you really think that?
I'm sitting here, aren't I?
Jackson, let me assure
you, you are not me.
The fact that you're even
questioning your choices
is proof of that.
And if that's not enough,
you are committed, Jackson.
Committed to your
work, to your family,
to people in need.
And I know sometimes you
want to run away from it all,
but anybody with
any sense does that.
It's very different
from actually following
through with it.
I was scared.
I'm scared.
Yeah, but you're scared
of doing the wrongthing.
I was too scared to
do the rightthing.
You're not a runner.
If you were, you would
have been long gone by now.
Do you know how easy
it would have been
for you to walk
away from everything
after it all came out
about the foundation?
Did you even consider it?
Not really, no.
Of course not.
'Cause you have it in your
soul to do the right thing,
to make things right.
And you didn't just
fix a disaster,
you made it better.
So if you don't
want to stay, don't.
But don't blame it on me.
'Cause on your worst day,
you are 10 times the man I am.
Jackson? Hey.
Come in. I can't stay.
Honey, it's pouring out here.
Here, Mom.
I mean, I can't stay at
Grey-Sloan in Seattle.
I can't keep doing
what we've always done.
You know how many
people of color
we've already lost since
the pandemic started?
The system keeps
diminishing and erasing us.
T-They're literally letting
people just die in the streets,
and we can do
something about it.
I got to show Harriet
that we can put our money
and our attention
where our mouths are.
And we can acknowledge the
connection between our work
and what's actually
happening in the streets
and give a sense of equity
in this world, okay?
It's not gonna
change after COVID.
We know that.
White supremacy is woven into
the fabric of this country,
and that means medicine, too.
People
that look like us
should not have to be
gaslit, shamed, and ignored
when they're just
going to the doctor,
constantly having to prove that
their lives have any value.
It's like this constant
cycle of stress
from poverty and
trauma and racism,
and it's definitely
impacting mental health...
It's definitely killing us.
Where are people
supposed to turn?
They don't feel safe
going to the doctor.
They're scared to call the cops.
This is like a
deep-seated neglect.
And if our deaths are not
affecting their profit margin,
then it's not gonna change.
I want to take over
the foundation.
What?
I want to reallocate
every penny that we have
to equity in medicine...
Women's health, trans
health, racial equity.
I want everyone who this country
abuses to be served, okay?
We need to challenge all
the ways that we teach,
everything that we're doing.
If that means dismantling
the whole medical system
a-and... and designing something
that actually serves everyone,
then that's what I want to do.
I-I see that now. I'm ready.
Jackson, where have you been?
It doesn't even
matter anymore, Mom.
It matters that I'm back
and I know where I belong.
Oh!
I gotta go. I love you. Ah!
Where on God's
earth are you going now?
I got to go talk to April.
What?! Jackson...
Here we go. Yummy!
Are you gonna go
with crazy fork?
Pancakes go in your belly.
Why do you always
go for the big ones?
Harriet: Hey.
Take all the small
pieces, alright?
You want to cut
your own little piece?
A small one. What
are you doing...
A small one this time,
that's soaked up in syrup?
Extra syrup?
Ooh. There she is.
There she is. Hi!
Harriet: Mommy!
Hi!
Oh! No fever.
Oh, good, good, good.
I want orange juice.
Yeah, you can have
some orange juice.
You want me to get
it for you, baby?
No, I get it myself.
Okay.
Jackson: Okay.
Go ahead, baby.
Are you gonna unscrew
the top and pour it?
April: You are
that guy, Jackson.
I was an ass for
saying otherwise.
Yeah?
Pillows in every
room.
They come in handy.
Hey, are you sure about this?
I'm not sure it's
gonna work, but...
I'm sure it's what I want, yeah.
Why is our timing
always so terrible?
I thought that was kind of
our thing... bad timing.
We just never figured out
how to want the same
thing at the same time.
Even with Harriet.
Yeah, but, I mean, it
worked out pretty well.
Yeah, but we were fighting,
and then we had sex
while our marriage
was falling apart.
That was actually our thing...
Arguing until we were blue in
the face and then having sex.
Yeah, I guess we
were doomed, huh?
Look, if you're really
living your dream here,
I'll give it up,
because you're right.
I'm totally springing
it on you guys.
No. What?
You do not get to
do all the speeches
and the convincing
and that thing where
your face just lights up
just to take it all back again.
Don't take it all back.
You deserve this.
Wait. What are you saying?
I am saying
we will make Boston work.
I'm saying yes.
What? You're saying yes?
To my question, you're
saying yes? Yes.
I'm saying... Yeah. I thought
that's what you wanted.
Yeah, but... Yes?
Like, I didn't think
it would be that easy.
I'm sorry. You call
this night easy?
No, not... not easy like that,
but, like, I thought
you'd have to pray
or consult with Matthew, maybe
get your pastor involved,
some additional praying... Yeah.
Yeah. Matthew will be fine.
Alright, well,
when does he get back?
I can help with the
pitch. I can talk to him.
What do you want me
to...? Uh, no. No. No.
No, that's a horrible
and weird idea...
Yes... Obviously.
Um, but tell him that I
can help him with work.
I'll make sure everything is
arranged for him and for Ruby.
We split up.
Oh.
We kept trying to tell ourselves
that our whole winding road
was God's plan to
bring us back together.
But he was still so
angry and so hurt.
I mean, I left him at the
altar, and then his wife died.
You know, you don't
just stop feeling hurt
'cause it's a better story
if God brought us
together in our pain.
He denied it for so long.
You know, he tried so
hard not to hate me.
I think loving me,
making us a full circle
was the story he was writing.
I mean, I guess it was the
story we were both writing.
I mean, I was trying
to get past my guilt.
He was... He was
trying to forgive God
for the loss of Karin.
But, y-you know, ultimately,
we learned that...
life just isn't always so tidy.
And God's plan isn't always
so easy to understand.
He's always been so
good with Harriet,
and I adore Ruby,
but we both started
working longer hours,
just avoiding coming home.
And then, his sister got sick.
She lives in Philadelphia.
So he and Ruby went to
Philadelphia to be with her,
and... now she's better,
uh, but they're still
in Philadelphia.
And
they are not coming back.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I mean, I
was gonna tell you,
but, you know, hundreds of
thousands of people were dying.
I just didn't think my
marriage counted as a casualty.
And you were maybe a little
too proud to tell me?
Yeah, fine.
I was a little...
A little too proud.
You okay?
It's hard to say.
But
it looks like I'm
moving to Boston.
So...
Fingers crossed
for new horizons.
Fingers crossed
for new horizons.
Jackson: No one
said it was easy,
becoming the person
you're meant to be.
It takes bravery a step
into the power you found
and earned and deserve.
He'll come back.
And you'll visit,
and he'll visit.
I know.
You know, it's okay to be sad.
It's hard handing over something
you put your life into.
I'm not sad.
It's just, like,
I never in my life
felt pride quite like this.
The trick is, to take the
people who were there for you,
with you.
To remind you you're not alone.
It's gonna take a few days,
figure out what
to tell the chief.
Feels weird to say Boston.
Feels like a...
I don't know.
It feels "I don't
know" to me, too.
Thank you. Oh!
Harriet: Mommy, Daddy!
I got her.
You go.
Get ready to go.
You have an entire
legacy behind you
as you create your own.
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---
It's a natural
progression in any profession
for the student to
become the teacher,
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It's not that much
different from parenting.
I'm your son.
We learn from our ancestors
how to make the perfect soup.
How to soothe an
aching head or heart.
Your call
has been forwarded
to an automated voice
messaging system.
We measure
milestones and percentiles
and first steps
to try and gain insight into
the person they'll grow into.
Tate, you're early.
I've just started
packing lunches.
As if knowing a bunch
of numbers on charts
is any true measure of what
we might make of ourselves.
Jackson.
Hey, Dad.
Alright.
I know it seems, like,
impulsive and out of nowhere,
but it's not... it's just, uh
uh, fast.
But it's not, like
impulsive, impulsive.
It's...
I thought it through. It's
just I thought it through...
Oh!
Everybody alive?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's not...
Not why I'm here.
I thought you were Tate.
He delivers meals for me to people
in the community that need them.
Okay. Not Tate.
Well, come on in.
Take a load off.
I tested clean yesterday
and haven't seen anyone.
I haven't seen anyone, either.
I just made a fresh
pot of coffee.
Want some? I'm good.
How have you been?
I've been thinking a
lot about you lately,
what with everything
going on in the world.
I was gonna call,
but the way we left
things last time,
I figured you did not
want to talk to me.
And I didn't want to be
one of those added things
on top of the
pandemic to deal with.
How have you been?
How's your little girl?
She must be, what...
She's 3 1/2 years old.
Her name is Harriet.
Right.
Look, I didn't
travel all this way
to just catch up, so, um...
I need... answers.
Well, I've got about 150
lunches to put together,
so if we're gonna talk,
why don't you grab a pair
of gloves over here with me
and, uh
help me out?
Oh, my God, it's your night.
It's... Wait... It's your night?
How can it be your
night with Harriet?
She's not packed, she's
not ready, she's sick,
and I have a calendar. It's okay, no,
no, it's not... it's not my night.
No? Alright? April, hey.
It's not? No, no,
no, it's alright.
Okay. Just take a breath.
What's going on? What's wrong?
She has a temp of 102, and...
and she's coughing... Okay.
And she has no
appetite. Come here.
But I-I took a rapid
test... It's not COVID.
Come here, munchkin.
Come here. That's good.
Hey. Why didn't you call
me? I don't know what it is.
Whooping cough or
RSV or rickets?
It's not rickets. People
get rickets, Jackson.
And... And Matthew just
went out East with Ruby
to see his sister,
and the power keeps
going on and off,
and I know, I am a doctor,
I need to take a deep
breath and I should be cool,
but I am... You're not
being cool right now.
You're not even breathing,
okay? Go ahead. Oh, God.
She's been sick
before, obviously,
but, like, COVID just makes
everything feel so... big.
And I know I need to calm down,
but no one in the
history of calming down
has ever calmed down by
being told to calm down,
so I'm not gonna, okay? I'm not
gonna tell you to calm down, alright?
I'm not telling you to calm
down, I promise. I just...
Why don't you let me
in the house, maybe?
Yeah, yes, okay.
Just... sorry. Okay?
Come in. Hey, sweetheart.
I can't tell you
how long it took me
to come up with
this nifty system.
First, we start with
a bunch of these,
what I've coined
the brawn bundle.
Here's how we do it...
Two pieces of smoked ham,
one slice of honey
turkey, and provolone.
Are you serious with all this?
Roll it up, and once you
have your ingredients set,
you move down here to the bread.
You won't believe how
much time that saves.
Try a piece.
Look, I'll make the
damn sandwiches with you
in order to... it's fine.
Okay?
But I don't need
to taste anything
or have any food or coffee.
Just... I don't need
anything from you, honestly.
I just need answers.
Okay.
Answers?
Mom said something to me
that I cannot get
out of my head.
Yeah, she has a talent for that.
She said, for the
first time ever,
that I sounded like you.
Did
you piss her off?
I said I can't really see change
coming from inside
the foundation.
There's too much bureaucracy.
Well, to be honest,
I haven't thought about the
foundation in a long time.
Yeah, but what do you
think she meant by that?
Years ago, I learned
to never put words in
your mother's mouth.
If you had to guess.
I've never been one
for the establishment.
I always thought the
whole system is rigged.
So, how we doing over there?
You know, I don't think
ham-and-turkey sandwiches
get enough credit.
They're simple, but
they get the job done.
So I said that the whole
system's just broken,
needs to be thrown
out and rebuilt,
understanding that that's
damn near impossible
considering how many
people benefit from it
the way it is right now.
That does sound
a little like me.
You look like you could
use some more turkey.
Ever use a commercial
meat slicer?
When would I have
done that? Summer job?
Anyway, it reminds
me of the O.R.,
without the pressure of
possibly killing someone.
Come on, let me show you.
Yeah, I can figure
it out, thank you.
Okay.
You might want to...
You might want to
turn it on first.
Yeah, right.
Just, what is it?
Here, let me show you. Okay.
First of all, you
gotta lift this.
Here's your gauge for how thick
you want to make
the slice of meat.
Okay. Got it. Thank you.
The carriage goes
back and forth.Great.
I got it.
Kinda relaxing when you
get a rhythm going, huh?
So... you're saying
you wanted change,
but what?
You felt powerless 'cause
you were an Avery or...?
As you know,
the Avery name carries a
great deal of influence,
but it also carries
a great deal of baggage.
That amount of money
can become a burden
pretty quickly.
Everybody knows you have it, so
they expect you
to be responsible
to fix everything with it.
And there's almost
no one in your shoes,
so almost no one
seems to get it.
At least not when I said it.
Certainly not when
the name is synonymous
with just the worst
behavior imaginable.
Well, not here it's not.
Here, nobody knows
who my father was
or that I come from money.
Out here, they just think
I'm Robert who runs the diner.
April: God.
Uh, Matthew's been
working a lot.
I mean, I've been working a lot.
Yeah, don't worry about
it. My place is, uh...
Please don't do that.
Don't be all weird-nice with
your voice an octave higher
like you do with people
at hotels or at the bank.
I have a weird bank voice now?
It's making you nuts.
You...
You can say it.
Just mess everywhere.
Pillows all over the place.
I maintain that throw pillows
are useless and stupid, yeah.
How long has my
munchkin been sick?
Couple days.
She just hasn't
wanted to do anything,
just lie on me.
Also, she needs a bath.
She smells like feet.
Well, I hate to break it to
you... that's you. No, it's not.
100 percent you.
Oh, God. That is
me. Jackson: Yeah.
Go take a shower.
April: Jackson, I...
April, go take a shower, please.
Hey, Jackson. Mm-hmm?
I'm calming down.
See? I am. I am.
10 minutes. 10 minutes.
She ever taken a 10-minute
shower in her life?
I don't think so.
Some tunes? Good idea.
Let's see what she's got.
We got this, right?
We got this, baby.
We got this.
You're gonna feel
better in no time.
Harriet and Dad.
We got this.
April: Oh, come on!
Or maybe we don't.
I gotta give it to you...
That's some good turkey.
Best in the state.
Yeah, I'll take
your word for it.
So, what'd your dad think
when you decided to
walk away from it all?
At first, he thought
it was just a phase.
But then when he
realized I was serious,
he stopped speaking to me.
Completely?
He said I was selfish,
compulsive, lazy,
a stain on the family name.
Which I now see is
such a complete joke.
No, he was never interested
in talking to me,
unless it was about
the hospital image
or profits or expansion.
If I have to have
one more conversation
about cutting hospital
costs, I swear...
Someone's got to do it.
I just knew it
wasn't gonna be me.
I was never gonna be
the son my father wanted
because I didn't want to be
the man the role required.
That's why you're here.
Why's that?
Because
you're ready to
leave it all behind.
Why does anyone have an
electric water heater?
A power outage is when you
need hot water the most.
Well, Harriet cried
herself to sleep.
I propped her head up to
help with the coughing.
Okay, thank you.
And I found a flashlight
and a few candles,
but I can't find any damn
matches in this place.
Oh, yeah, well, I'm married
to a first responder.
The matches are in a drawer
even I've never found.
Alright. Well,
then, stove it is.
Geez.
Can you get some more candles?
What?
Oh, crap! Sorry.
This is a nun.
I just grabbed the, uh...
The first nun you could find?
Saying
I'm going to hell?
Since when do you
believe in hell? True.
But they're your candles,
so you're going to hell.
Okay.
Alright, just give me
this. Yeah, grab that.
Her fever's at 102,
so you might be right about RSV.
Okay.
So we just give
her acetaminophen
and wait it out unless
she gets short of breath?
Versus driving in a blackout
to Grey-Sloan in a pandemic?
Yeah, we're not going anywhere.
The risk of exposure alone...
We don't need doctors,
April. We aredoctors.
And if she gets worse...
Which she probably won't.
Exactly.
Yeah.
How's Meredith doing?
I've been praying for her.
Oh, she's, uh...
She's awake. Yeah?
And she's getting better
every day, stronger.
Oh. Yeah.
So, tonight wasn't your night.
Yes. As usual, your
calendar is impeccable.
Well done.
No, I'm just saying,
uh, tonight...
Tonight wasn't your
night, so why are you...
How have I never
been to your place?
I feel like I guess we
must always do drop-offs
at mine or work.
It's... It's nice.
It looks really nice.
I like what you've
done. Jackson...
You guys are happy, you
and... you and Matthew?
We're busy, like everyone else.
And Harriet and you
and him and Ruby,
the same house, it's going...
Exposed brick is... is cool.
I know you've always liked...
Do you really think I can't
tell when you're being cagey?
I'm not being cagey. Am I happy?
Exposed brick? Would you
just talk like a person?
I went to see my dad again.
Oh, God. Is he sick?
No, he's the same as always.
Obliviously medium happy about
his obliviously medium life.
I thought you never
wanted to see him again.
I didn't.
I needed to know if I
was right about what I
what I wanted.
And we're back to being cagey.
I'm not trying to
be cagey, April.
He couldn't handle it.
Okay?
He couldn't step up
or step into his own,
and I can.
I want to take over
the foundation.
Is this the, uh,
coffee you showed me
last time I was here?
We sold out of our first batch.
The local paper wrote us up,
so we decided to add
four more roasts.
I was gonna branch out into
other parts of the state,
and then, ah, COVID.
Yeah, I remember. You
guys got hit pretty hard.
Hospital was turning
people away, right?
It was a lot.
I did everything I could
to keep this place
open after COVID hit.
But then I ended up
just bagging up food
for the regulars.
Word spread,
and every morning,
I come in here
and crank up the
Doobie Brothers,
start packing lunches.
It was weirdly therapeutic.
Kept my mind occupied.
Well
you got quite the
bubble out here.
Built a very different
life for yourself.
We're all raised to think
that's some kind
of wild concept.
But what's wild is
going to work every day
doing something you do not like,
thinking one day, it'll
just magically stop.
Yeah.
I just feel stuck.
Hmm.
Like there's two of me.
Like there's this...
This successful surgeon that
I worked so hard to become,
was trying to push
the foundation
to be more progressive.
And also just the guy
that didn't ask for
any of this, you know?
I'm worried that
maybe it's too late...
The system's beyond repair.
Maybe I could be effective
from the outside.
Or maybe you could
let go of the idea
that it's your job
to save the world.
You know, there's nothing wrong
with wanting to
keep things simpler.
Yeah, I think about that a lot.
Actually, I think, you know,
I could get a small
place in the woods,
maybe open a private practice,
do things
I really care about.
Explore the great
outdoors with Harriet.
We all deserve to live
our lives however we want.
Sure, yeah.
You are an older white guy
who's always had money, so...
If nothing changes in the world,
you're still gonna be
fine, but I... I hear you.
You given any
thought to what if?
What if I didn't come back here?
What if you chose
differently, yeah.
Well, I'm more of a, hmm
"never look back" type.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, um...
When I was here last time,
I wanted to ask you why,
and I... I didn't...
I couldn't...
I guess I used to
say I was over it,
but I'm not.
I need to know why you left.
'Cause, um...
I realize that it's
really messed me up
pretty badly.
And, um...
It just made it hard to, like,
maintain relationships
and stuff.
Having this inclination
to run away all the time.
And I know, I know...
Running away doesn't
actually solve anything.
I know that.
So... And I've tried.
I've tried really hard to
rid myself of the shame
and the pain that comes
with all that, and, uh...
You know, just kind
of doubled-down
on being the best
at everything...
The best father I
could possibly be.
I probably stayed in my marriage
longer than I should have,
went along with
foundation business
longer than I should have,
but no matter what,
when it gets rough,
I just end up... right there,
running, into the woods.
Try to fight the you in me.
Can you not just sit there looking
at me? Can you say something?
Pretend that I'm
worth talking to?
I don't know how you can just
say nothing all the... Ow!
God! Aah! Damn it!
God!
Oh, man. You alright?
No, I'm not alright!
Give it... I got it!
Pressure, pressure, pressure.
Okay.
Temp's down to 101.
It's just a bad dream.
Oh, yeah? How's her
breathing? It's better.
Oh, good, alright. Yeah.
So we could be out
of the woods. Yeah.
So, were you hoping
Matthew wasn't gonna
be here tonight? What?
No, I don't have a
problem with Matthew.
Really? What?
Whenever you guys are in
the same room together,
you say one of three things...
"Yup," "Sure," "Not a problem."
Well, okay, yeah.
We're not best friends,
but, I mean, it's civil.
He seems like a fine guy.
He seems, uh, kind. Kind?
I don't have a badword
to say about him.
That... That's something.
So then why did you want to
come tell me this in person?
You're considering
running the foundation.
What's that got to do with me?
That's the thing...
I'm not just considering it.
I'm doing it.
Running the foundation means
I got to move to Boston.
W... Without Harriet?
No. God, no.
I'm moving to Boston,
and I really need
you all to come.
The foundation will
employ you and Matthew.
You'll be set.
You can do whatever you want
in terms of an outreach
program or design or build.
Anything you want to
do, we'll fund it.
I would never leave Harriet.
I could never,
ever leave Harriet,
which means I really need
you all to come with me.
Please.
Doesn't look like there
are any tendon injuries.
Yeah, the cut's not that deep.
Okay.
Another wash, then
let's glue it.
I can handle it from here.
Actually, just hand me the glue.
Okay.
Ow.
Just give me your hand.
Come on, man. Let
me do this. Okay.
I may not have
practiced in a while,
but it is like riding a bike.
Not exactly, but okay.
Hold it together.
See? Alright.
That is not bad.
Okay. Does it hurt?
Do you want any Tylenol
or anything? Um.
No, no, no. It's
actually just...
It stings a little
bit, but that's fine.
Thank you. Look at us.
We ought to open up
a family practice.
You know, I'm gonna...
I'm just gonna grab some air.
April:
I get it, Jackson.
You're not the only
person in quarantine
who's drowning in big.
"What the hell am I
doing with my life?"
Kind of questions.
But you don't just up and
move across the country
on a whim.
No, no, no, that's not what
this is. It's not on a whim.
Since the moment I
met you at Mercy West,
you have rejected your
family name, the legacy,
even the freaking plane.
You've... You've wanted
nothing to do with any of it.
I resisted. That's not
necess... No, no, no.
Sorry, you've been running,
kicking and screaming.
That is not where
this is coming from.
Okay? I can use this
as an opportunity
to make some profound
changes in the world.
You understand?
I respect that. I mean,
I-I admire that, Jackson.
As long as it's not an inconvenience
to your perfect little life here?
Uprooting my entire life
is not an inconvenience.
Okay, you're right.
But I need this.
I know that I need to do this.
I can feel it in my gut, and I
just want to trust that for once.
Okay.
How many times have you
"felt in your gut"...Don't
the need to just pack up a tent
and go for a walkabout
and talk to yourself
amongst the trees?
So I'm the only one that's walked
away when I was having a hard time?
Just me, huh?
How many times have you been
sitting in the front
pew at a church,
talking to God about
the plans for your life?
It's not the same
thing. I... Why not?
Why is it that you can find
solace and purpose in a church,
but I can't find it in nature,
where I can actually have some
time that's quiet
hear myself think,
think about what I want,
not what everybody
else expects of me?
So how long did you spend
thinking about going
to see your father?
How much time did
you spend doing that?
Don't reduce it to that! Or did you
just, like, get in a car and... and go...
No, it's not on a whim, okay?
It was a realization. Okay, I...
I needed clarity,
and I went and talked
to Robert, and I got it.
You have never
wanted any of this.
And... And I'm just
supposed to roll with it
and see what happens?
What... What happens
when you regret it?
What happens when you realize
that you actually hate it?
What you're asking of me,
of... of our family, of
our daughter, it's...
What happens if it doesn't work?
Matthew got on one knee
and proposed to you...
Please don't. Jackson,
I'm... No, no, no, it's true.
He got on one knee
and proposed to you
in front of me.
I stood there,
watched another man
become your husband
and stepfather to my
child our child... Mm-hmm.
And at no point did I
come to you and say,
"Yeah, but what if
it doesn't work?"
I didn't do that.
I had your back that
day and every day since.
He bugs the hell out
of you, doesn't he?
I'm allowed to be
frustrated at the guy
who makes sandwiches weird.
Who... I-It's... And he
calls her Hair-Hair. I know.
I know. I'm working on that.
What I'm not allowed
to do, April,
what... what I've
actually never done,
is stand in the way
of the happiness that
you chose for yourself.
I had your back.
I know this is a surprise,
but I'm just asking
you... Do the same for me.
I...
I... I want you to
be happy, Jackson.
You deserve it.
But running the foundation?
I... I'm sorry.
It's just...
You're not that guy.
I don't think you ever will be.
Jackson: So, that's it? I'm
either gonna fail or quit?
I'm sorry, Jackson. I
didn't... I didn't mean that...
Yeah, you did. That's
exactly what you meant.
Ok...
Fine. Yeah. I did.
Jackson, you are a
brilliant surgeon.
You rebuild people's faces,
you rebuild their lives.
You find a way to
make them breathe
when... When it
seems impossible.
You gave a little
boy back his hands.
You prayed me back
into the world
when I was almost dead.
Y-You take out
impossible tumors,
and you make people
walk out into the world
with their heads held high.
That's where you've
left your mark.
It's what makes you exceptional.
Wh...
Why would you want to
give all of that up?
It's not about what I want.
It's what I need to do.
Well, you know what? It's a
little late to decide that.
Excuse me?
You don't get to choose who
I am in this world, April.
Nobody does.
Not my father,
not Mom... nobody.
And you don't get to choose
your career over mine.
That's... I am happy.
I'm helping people.
I'm really helping them.
I am building support systems
and resources for people
in rural communities,
and they need so much,
and I can actually
do that for them.
And you can keep doing that.
You can do it on an
even bigger scale.
You can do it
across the country.
I'm... You're literally
just gaining resources.
April, I am not trying
to diminish your work.
We have an opportunity
to do something really
amazing for all of us.
Matthew will go along with it.
He'll follow you.
That's why I like him so much.
Oh, God.
You know what?
You... You didn't
always have my back.
When I found what
I needed in Jordan,
you didn't go with me.
You left me alone. I went alone.
April, that's not fair.
You ran away from me.
And Samuel and the
pain and the grief,
which is understandable.
You know, I was
resentful at the time,
but I get it.
You were surviving.
You had to do what you
had to do to survive.
But this isn't that, anyway.
I'm not running fromsomething.
I'm trying to run tosomething.
Trying to make something my own.
It's not fair, Jackson.
If you had the opportunity
to finally make
it all make sense,
to become what you
were meant to be,
wouldn't you try really,
really hard to get there?
I would.
I did.
That's all I'm asking for.
I got it.
99.3.
Oh, good. Alright.Yeah.
So she's a little
more comfortable.
Yeah. She's talking
in her sleep.
Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Anything good?
Just gibberish.
She said, "Amananome."
Ah. That is the sea anemone.
Oh.
She's been waking me
up the last few weeks
with a different
sea creature fact.
Are they really "facts," though?
In her
head, they are.
It's the best alarm clock,
ever, I'll tell you.
Last week, she told me
that she could hear "werewoofs"
throwing up in your basement.
Really? I don't even
have a basement.
Oh, I'm aware.
There's no convincing
her otherwise.
So stubborn.
Which I would say comes
from her mother... Mm.
But I think we both know
50/50 split... right
down the middle.
Yeah.
I could never give that
up going to Boston.
Sea creature alarm clocks,
holding her when she's sick.
But I can't walk
away from this chance
to make real change
in the foundation.
I mean, Mom was able to do both.
And I know in my
gut, that I can, too.
I mean, I owe it to
Harriet to try, at least.
I know. And I know
I can't do it all,
but, April, I am telling you,
I can take this foundation
to a whole new chapter.
I mean, creating real
racial equity in medicine.
Are you kidding?
It's a revolutionary,
lasting change.
I could look my
daughter in the face
and know that I've done
everything I possibly can
to give her a better world.
I know. I know.
I could do all that
and... and be the father
that mine never was.
And all I need to do is
turn my life upside down.
Puts a lot into
perspective, huh?
Yeah, I come out
here every morning
just to take it all in.
Feel like I got a lot
more thinking done
these last few days out here
than probably
all year.
Might find it hard to believe,
but I've been thinking a
lot about our last visit.
Everything you said.
And the truth is,
I left because that's what I do.
I chose this place
because it's safe.
Running the restaurant,
bagging lunches,
none of it requires much of me.
I can walk away and
not look back any time.
And just forget about who
you're leaving behind, yeah?
I was convinced you were
better off without me.
Without a father?
How would you think
I'm better off without
my father never being
there for any birthdays,
any graduations?
That time I got beat
up by Billy Paxton?
At my wedding?
The birth of my child,
your granddaughter.
My divorce... maybe that
would've been a good time
for you to step in
and share some wisdom.
A hug, I don't know.
Help me make some decisions?
It's not like it was
a few months, man.
Or a year or 10 years.
It's my entire life.
How could you think that's
better? In my father's eyes,
I was the screw-up
in the family,
and I absorbed that story.
Maybe I became it.
And I didn't want to
pass that down to you.
Robert: I did not
want to mess you up.
Congrats.
I get that now.
I hurt a lot of people.
You, your mother.
And to have found out I
have a granddaughter that I
may never meet...
Yeah, well, it didn't have
to be that way, did it?
You're absolutely right.
So I buy her presents.
An art set, a basketball,
tricycle, board games.
What are you saying? And
you didn't send them?
I don't have the right.
I don't deserve
to take your time,
be in your space.
Not one day has passed
that I haven't
regretted leaving you.
It haunts me in my sleep,
when I wake up in the morning.
And I am truly, truly sorry.
And yet I know an apology
will never make up for it.
And I have to live with that.
I will never get over it.
Oh, Jackson.
Crossroads like this, you
don't arrive at them often,
but I know you will be okay,
no matter what road you choose.
I'm still an Avery, right?
I still find some way to
walk away from it all.
Apple doesn't fall
far from the tree.
Isn't that what they say?
Nice.
That's great. No, I'm sorry.
I just thought that was funny.
I'm the tree, you're the apple.
Do you really think that?
I'm sitting here, aren't I?
Jackson, let me assure
you, you are not me.
The fact that you're even
questioning your choices
is proof of that.
And if that's not enough,
you are committed, Jackson.
Committed to your
work, to your family,
to people in need.
And I know sometimes you
want to run away from it all,
but anybody with
any sense does that.
It's very different
from actually following
through with it.
I was scared.
I'm scared.
Yeah, but you're scared
of doing the wrongthing.
I was too scared to
do the rightthing.
You're not a runner.
If you were, you would
have been long gone by now.
Do you know how easy
it would have been
for you to walk
away from everything
after it all came out
about the foundation?
Did you even consider it?
Not really, no.
Of course not.
'Cause you have it in your
soul to do the right thing,
to make things right.
And you didn't just
fix a disaster,
you made it better.
So if you don't
want to stay, don't.
But don't blame it on me.
'Cause on your worst day,
you are 10 times the man I am.
Jackson? Hey.
Come in. I can't stay.
Honey, it's pouring out here.
Here, Mom.
I mean, I can't stay at
Grey-Sloan in Seattle.
I can't keep doing
what we've always done.
You know how many
people of color
we've already lost since
the pandemic started?
The system keeps
diminishing and erasing us.
T-They're literally letting
people just die in the streets,
and we can do
something about it.
I got to show Harriet
that we can put our money
and our attention
where our mouths are.
And we can acknowledge the
connection between our work
and what's actually
happening in the streets
and give a sense of equity
in this world, okay?
It's not gonna
change after COVID.
We know that.
White supremacy is woven into
the fabric of this country,
and that means medicine, too.
People
that look like us
should not have to be
gaslit, shamed, and ignored
when they're just
going to the doctor,
constantly having to prove that
their lives have any value.
It's like this constant
cycle of stress
from poverty and
trauma and racism,
and it's definitely
impacting mental health...
It's definitely killing us.
Where are people
supposed to turn?
They don't feel safe
going to the doctor.
They're scared to call the cops.
This is like a
deep-seated neglect.
And if our deaths are not
affecting their profit margin,
then it's not gonna change.
I want to take over
the foundation.
What?
I want to reallocate
every penny that we have
to equity in medicine...
Women's health, trans
health, racial equity.
I want everyone who this country
abuses to be served, okay?
We need to challenge all
the ways that we teach,
everything that we're doing.
If that means dismantling
the whole medical system
a-and... and designing something
that actually serves everyone,
then that's what I want to do.
I-I see that now. I'm ready.
Jackson, where have you been?
It doesn't even
matter anymore, Mom.
It matters that I'm back
and I know where I belong.
Oh!
I gotta go. I love you. Ah!
Where on God's
earth are you going now?
I got to go talk to April.
What?! Jackson...
Here we go. Yummy!
Are you gonna go
with crazy fork?
Pancakes go in your belly.
Why do you always
go for the big ones?
Harriet: Hey.
Take all the small
pieces, alright?
You want to cut
your own little piece?
A small one. What
are you doing...
A small one this time,
that's soaked up in syrup?
Extra syrup?
Ooh. There she is.
There she is. Hi!
Harriet: Mommy!
Hi!
Oh! No fever.
Oh, good, good, good.
I want orange juice.
Yeah, you can have
some orange juice.
You want me to get
it for you, baby?
No, I get it myself.
Okay.
Jackson: Okay.
Go ahead, baby.
Are you gonna unscrew
the top and pour it?
April: You are
that guy, Jackson.
I was an ass for
saying otherwise.
Yeah?
Pillows in every
room.
They come in handy.
Hey, are you sure about this?
I'm not sure it's
gonna work, but...
I'm sure it's what I want, yeah.
Why is our timing
always so terrible?
I thought that was kind of
our thing... bad timing.
We just never figured out
how to want the same
thing at the same time.
Even with Harriet.
Yeah, but, I mean, it
worked out pretty well.
Yeah, but we were fighting,
and then we had sex
while our marriage
was falling apart.
That was actually our thing...
Arguing until we were blue in
the face and then having sex.
Yeah, I guess we
were doomed, huh?
Look, if you're really
living your dream here,
I'll give it up,
because you're right.
I'm totally springing
it on you guys.
No. What?
You do not get to
do all the speeches
and the convincing
and that thing where
your face just lights up
just to take it all back again.
Don't take it all back.
You deserve this.
Wait. What are you saying?
I am saying
we will make Boston work.
I'm saying yes.
What? You're saying yes?
To my question, you're
saying yes? Yes.
I'm saying... Yeah. I thought
that's what you wanted.
Yeah, but... Yes?
Like, I didn't think
it would be that easy.
I'm sorry. You call
this night easy?
No, not... not easy like that,
but, like, I thought
you'd have to pray
or consult with Matthew, maybe
get your pastor involved,
some additional praying... Yeah.
Yeah. Matthew will be fine.
Alright, well,
when does he get back?
I can help with the
pitch. I can talk to him.
What do you want me
to...? Uh, no. No. No.
No, that's a horrible
and weird idea...
Yes... Obviously.
Um, but tell him that I
can help him with work.
I'll make sure everything is
arranged for him and for Ruby.
We split up.
Oh.
We kept trying to tell ourselves
that our whole winding road
was God's plan to
bring us back together.
But he was still so
angry and so hurt.
I mean, I left him at the
altar, and then his wife died.
You know, you don't
just stop feeling hurt
'cause it's a better story
if God brought us
together in our pain.
He denied it for so long.
You know, he tried so
hard not to hate me.
I think loving me,
making us a full circle
was the story he was writing.
I mean, I guess it was the
story we were both writing.
I mean, I was trying
to get past my guilt.
He was... He was
trying to forgive God
for the loss of Karin.
But, y-you know, ultimately,
we learned that...
life just isn't always so tidy.
And God's plan isn't always
so easy to understand.
He's always been so
good with Harriet,
and I adore Ruby,
but we both started
working longer hours,
just avoiding coming home.
And then, his sister got sick.
She lives in Philadelphia.
So he and Ruby went to
Philadelphia to be with her,
and... now she's better,
uh, but they're still
in Philadelphia.
And
they are not coming back.
I had no idea.
Yeah, I mean, I
was gonna tell you,
but, you know, hundreds of
thousands of people were dying.
I just didn't think my
marriage counted as a casualty.
And you were maybe a little
too proud to tell me?
Yeah, fine.
I was a little...
A little too proud.
You okay?
It's hard to say.
But
it looks like I'm
moving to Boston.
So...
Fingers crossed
for new horizons.
Fingers crossed
for new horizons.
Jackson: No one
said it was easy,
becoming the person
you're meant to be.
It takes bravery a step
into the power you found
and earned and deserve.
He'll come back.
And you'll visit,
and he'll visit.
I know.
You know, it's okay to be sad.
It's hard handing over something
you put your life into.
I'm not sad.
It's just, like,
I never in my life
felt pride quite like this.
The trick is, to take the
people who were there for you,
with you.
To remind you you're not alone.
It's gonna take a few days,
figure out what
to tell the chief.
Feels weird to say Boston.
Feels like a...
I don't know.
It feels "I don't
know" to me, too.
Thank you. Oh!
Harriet: Mommy, Daddy!
I got her.
You go.
Get ready to go.
You have an entire
legacy behind you
as you create your own.
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