Grey's Anatomy (2005–…): Season 11, Episode 13 - Staring at the End - full transcript

The hospital doctors become fascinated with Dr. Herman's case when Amelia gives a lecture detailing the intricacies of the surgery. Arizona and Herman continue to bond over the amount of cases they are trying to complete before th...

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Dr. Herman: I don't like
questions without any answers,

like "where do we go
when we die?"


I mean, I know what happens
physiologically speaking,


but beyond that,
what really happens?


Anything?

That's what you
start asking yourself


when you live on a clock.

All these questions
without any answers...


They'll drive you nuts.

That's why I like what I do...

Fixing babies, birthing babies.



No ambiguity there,
no questions,


just answers...

Clear, precise, obvious answers.

And life...
Beautiful new life.


Hope for the future.

God, I miss that.

[ Knock on door ]

Morning!

Robbins,
are you ever not chirpy?

Does that ever happen?

Are you ever not snarky?

Also, you snore.

I-I can't crash here again
tonight without earplugs.

Okay, so,
we have seven cases today.



The first one is in two hours.

Also, it's Friday,
so that's mri day.

You know the drill.

47 minutes of my
very limited life-span wasted.

Mm, come on, come on.

God! I'm coming.

Stop chirping.
Stop snarking.

Whew! After this, we've
got the diaphragmatic
hernia. Baby's 27 weeks.

We'll do a, um,
tracheal balloon occlusion...
[ Sighs ] Hey.

Figured you could
use this...
Which should, if we're lucky,
ensure the blood...

before
the big lecture.
Oh, um, thanks.

Thank you.

Um, they already scheduled

a follow-up procedure
on the baby, as well.


[ Continues speaking
indistinctly ]
You're cultivating
quite a bit of buzz, you know?

Really?
Mm-hmm.

I heard from two hospitals
wanting us to record your talk.

[ Sighs ]

but we won't be
too close to the due date.


And if...
I have a lot
on my plate right now,

just with, uh, Herman
and her tumor.

Uh, her surgery.

I really need to focus...

On the tumor.

Don't need any distractions,
and you're...

Very hard to ignore.

Hey, I ju...
It was just coffee.

No, I-I so appreciate
the coffee.

Uh, I was just getting
some coffee for myself, and...

It's good coffee. It...

[ chuckles ] It's great coffee.

I-I, uh... I can...

I can just get
my own if... if you...

I mean, you can get your own
so easily. [ Chuckles ]

I-I don't want to get
my own coffee. I... [ Sighs ]

I mean [Chuckles] I do.
I can. I will.

I... I can get my own coffee
all day long. I just...

Owen.
[ Sighs ]

Thank you for bringing me
the coffee.

I really like it.

[ Chuckles ]

Uh, you're welcome.

So, how's my head?

The tumor seems stable.

I was worried about
the inferomedial margin,

but the good news is,
there's no sign of growth.

It hasn't invaded
the optic nerve yet.

Well, how long till it does?

I need a number, Shepherd.
I have things to plan.

About six weeks...
Maybe eight

if you go in for the
localized radiation treatments

I've prescribed for you.

I'd like
for those to start today.

No, no, no, no.

I tried that.
Hated it.

Doctor's orders.
It is our best chance

to shrink the part of
the tumor on your optic chiasm.

Oh, crap.
Miranda:
Glenda castillo!

We're headed to surgery,
Dr. Bailey.

No time to talk.

But you haven't
given me an answer.

Actually, I have.
It was no.

But you haven't given me
the right answer.

You could at least
meet with her.

I've seen the case, okay?

I-I'm sorry,

but I'm working on
a very limited time frame

with a very specific list
of surgeries to teach Robbins,

and glenda castillo
isn't one of them.

Okay, well, as a personal favor
to me, just me per...

I have no time
to make it personal.

It's a no.
I'm sorry.

I'll get you some names...
Good people.

She can see one of them.

Um, sorry.

[ Monitor beeping ]

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Three down, all these to go.

Arizona: We've got four months'
worth of surgeries up here.

I mean, how are we gonna
get four months of surgeries
done in eight weeks?

We just do, I suppose.

You'll do the next one yourself.
I'll watch.

What?

No. No, thank you.

I appreciate
the vote of confidence,

but I'm not even actually sure
that I know how...

I need to see
what you've learned,

what you can and can't do
on your own

while I'm still around
to fix it when you screw up.

Gee, thanks.

It's not a vote of confidence.
It's a necessity.

Training wheels are off,
Robbins.

Time is up.
What's next?

Uh, your radiation treatment.

[ Clears throat ] Ugh.

Radiation hasn't worked yet.

I don't see why it's suddenly
supposed to start working.

Radiation is bull...

Shepherd says
that it's necessary.

She's the doctor here.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Conversations stop ]

"Life will out."

The origins and lessons
of life and evolution

are long and complex,

but what they basically
boil down to is, life will out.

Life will always
find a way to continue.

Always.

Life... Will... Out.

This is a massive
grade iv astrocytoma.

I want you to take a look at it.

Really look.

Look at its size.

Look at the way
it invades healthy tissue.

Look at its vasculature.

It is blood and tissue
and flesh.

It's growing...
[ Monitor beeps ]

adapting to its environment,

struggling to survive,
to stay alive.

It is alive.

We don't like
to think of it that way,

but it's nested in the womb
of a human brain,

feeding on its host,
growing and fighting for life...

Almost like a fetus.

No, scratch that.

Let's just
for science and giggles

say exactly like a fetus.

Because like a healthy fetus,
it is thriving.

You know, there are even
some types of tumors

that grow teeth, hair...
[ Audience murmurs ]

a stray eye.
[ Audience groans loudly ]

[ Chuckles ]

Have I repulsed you?

It's gross, right?
Woman: Yeah.

I mean, that is a problem.
[ Sighs ]

Nobody wants something
that nasty in their head.

I'd like you for one moment
to consider the idea

that, to the tumor,
we are the problem,

we are the invader.

We are the danger.

To the tumor, we are the cancer.

And the tumor?

Well, the tumor sees itself as
a sweet, cute, fat-cheeked baby

just trying to make its way
into the world,

and we want to stop it,
destroy it,

tear it from its happy
little home like barbarians.

To the tumor,

we are the soulless,
murderous monsters.

Why do I do this?

Why do I call it "baby"
and talk about killing it?

Because this kind of tumor
deserves respect.

It deserves a little humanity.

Charming, isn't it?

They put clouds on the ceiling
to distract you.

Least they could do is put
something interesting up there,

like porn.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckles nervously ]

It's not just a tumor.

It's ingenuity.

It's strength.

It's adaptability.

It's poetry.

It's one of god's masterpieces.

It is alive.

Mm.

[ Clips fastening ]

[ Breathing rapidly ]

You okay?

Sure.

And like any living thing,
it wants to stay alive.

Like any living thing,

it is going to fight like hell
to survive.

And when I saw open that skull
and come face-to-face with it,

with that tumor,
with that living thing,

it will be
almost impossible to remove...

Well, I'll see you after.

Because it would rather
destroy the brain that holds it

than go gently
into that good night.

[ Breathing deeply ]

It is alive.

And what's it all come down to?

Life...

Will...

Out.

Amelia:
So, our fat-cheeked-baby tumor

that's nestled in that brain,

it's a creature of habit.

It has the same routine
day in and day out...

To grow, to spread out,
to take up space.

[ Machine beeps, whirs ]
That's it.

At this point, our baby tumor
is so enmeshed, so invasive,

it's touching virtually
every single brain structure.

It's pushed
existing tissue aside,

shoved brain matter out of
the way to find room for itself.

How do you remove it without
destroying the brain around it?

How do you kill the baby
without killing the mother?

I stare at these scans,
and the tumor stares back at me,

daring me to try to extract it.

I mean, this tumor
is bold and brazen.

This tumor
thinks it's in charge.

This tumor
thinks it owns the place.

I don't have to
explain myself to you.

You missed your radiation
session this morning.

I told you,
I'm not doing that anymore.

That is not your call.

My tumor, my head...
It absolutely is my call.

The tumor will be
exponentially easier to remove

after the radiation.

Nicole, please.

Go to radiation!

I will think about it.

O-Kay.

The thing about
a tumor like this is,

you can't let it intimidate you.

The tumor
isn't smarter than you.

You just need
a plan of attack.
[ Monitor beeping ]

Dr. Herman:
Here. Feel that?

You must be methodical.

You want to find a
spot with just the
right amount of give.

That's where you want to cut.

Scalpel.

Point of access is key.

You're up, Robbins.

Arizona: I know.

I've never done
that part before.

So, um, you were
really serious about that?

It's time.
Make the cut.

But I don't know...
I've never...

Make the cut.

[ Clears throat ]

And then you start.

That is
the most daunting step...

Pushing a blade into that
first squishy blob of flesh...

Because the first cut
is what sets the tone.

It determines every single move
from that point on.

So, you have to be careful.

You have to be sure.

Or you're in trouble.

Dr. Herman: It's like a...
Arizona: [ Laughs ]

Just look at them.

Alex: Who?
Arizona and Herman... they're
practically joined at the hip.

Arizona: I'll take
one of those, too.

Well, she is Herman's fellow.

Isn't she sort of supposed
to follow Herman around?

They're laughing
all the time,
[ Nicole and Arizona laughing ]

And Arizona seems so...

Happy...
Like really happy.

So?

You seem happy... Ish.

What do you even care?
I don't, obviously.

I'm just making conversation.

Arizona: [ Laughs ]

don't you guys think it's weird
how they're always together?
They're not
always together.

They do bunk up together
sometimes.

What?
Alex.
Robbins has been crashing
with Herman.

She hasn't slept
at the house all week.

What?!
Alex.

I-I don't mean
like that.

They're not together together,
and you know that.

[ Sarcastically ]
Mm-hmm.

Arizona used to hate her.
Now they're having sleepovers?

Well, it's a good thing, right,
that they're getting along?

Herman's not exactly
the warmest person, so...

Yeah, whatever.

When you talk to Derek tonight,

would you ask him something for
me without saying it's for me?

I don't know that I w...

Just ask him what he'd use

to avoid disrupting
the gratiolet radiations

off the geniculate body
of the thalamus.

Why don't you
ask him that?
No, no, no.

No, no. That's the point.
You ask him.

I can't ask him for help.

I cannot listen
to the smugness in his voice.

You can hear it.

He has transcontinental
smugness. You know what?

Forget it. I'm fine.
I don't need him.

I don't need Derek.

I will figure it out myself.

When did this happen?

She found the perfect rebound

without having to actually
find a [Laughing] rebound...

I mean, she just gets
all the good times and the fun,

none of the bad times
or the mess,

no chance of getting hurt.

You don't even have to wax.
It's not fair!

[ Slurps ]

Oh, my god. Am I
seriously wishing for
a sexless relationship

where I don't
have to groom myself?

Is that where I am now?

It sounds good to me.

Welcome to my life these days.

You chicks need to get laid.

That also sounds good to me.

[ Sighs ]
Not without
the grooming.

It's in there.
He can find it.

What, he can't do
a little work first?

[ Chuckles ] I like her.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Cash register beeping ]

Miranda: Eddie.

Arizona: Excuse me?

Uh, glenda castillo,

the patient you and Herman
turned down last week,

her husband's name was Eddie.

I lost him six months ago

after he was injured
in a head-on collision.

My hands were inside of his body

when his heart stopped beating.

My hands held glenda's

when I told her
Eddie died on my watch.

Three weeks later,
she found out she was pregnant.

She's not insured,

but she remembered me
and this hospital,

so, she came here

to see if I could give her
some prenatal care,

and guess what we found out.

Her baby has a tumor...

A large, dangerous tumor

that's not just messing
with the baby's system,

it's messing with hers.

[ Sighs ] I couldn't save
her husband's life,

but I can help save her baby.

I-I owe this
woman that much.

Herman has to
take her on as a patient.

Just... just have her
meet glenda, all right?

Then she'll...
I can't, I can't!

I can't trick her into
seeing a patient she
doesn't want to treat.

Who's in charge of her schedule?

Who tells her
where to go and when?

Who tells her what surgery
or post-op or anonymous consult

she should see next?
[ Sighs ]

Uh...

[ Heartbeat ]

I'm concerned
about her blood pressure.

It's increased to 140 systolic
in the past week,

and her swelling's gotten worse.

Glenda:
Uh, I used to have ankles.

Now I have balloons with toes.

[ Laughter ]

So, your baby has a large tumor
in his lower back.

It's most likely benign,

but because of its size
and vascular nature,

it could cause an accumulation
of fluids in the baby.

[ Sighs ] But the tumor
can be removed, right?

Dr. Bailey
says amazing things about you,

that you're one of the best.

Bailey said that?

How flattering.

That was glenda castillo.

I told you no twice now.

And you, how am I
supposed to trust you at all

when you
pull something like that?

She didn't do anything

except try to get
your help on a patient

who needs your help.

But if you heard her story,
if you knew she was...

Is that how
Bailey convinced you?

It's a tactic, Robbins,

appealing to your
sad, bleeding heart.

Doesn't work with me.

Well, then, let me
appeal to your ego.

You walk around here
telling anyone who will listen

that you're the best.

Well, then, be the best.

You can save her baby's life,

so save that baby's life!

No.

Ohh.

What the hell?
Robbins, drop it.

No, I get that... I get
that I've seen tumors
like that before,

but this can't all be
about my education.

I mean, at some point,
I have to...

At some point, we
have to make decisions
and stick to them.

I wish we had time,
but we don't.

We have very little control
over the time we have,

and we have a plan.

Can't we make an exception?

Can't we just, you know,
sort of adjust the plan?

You... fine.
You want to?

Adjust the plan.

What are you doing?

Take down one of these cards

so we have time
to help Mrs. castillo.

Which one?

How about Meghan Carlson...
Congenital airway obstruction?

Her husband's in Iraq right now.

Or Julie hall...
Vasa previa.

She went through two years
of fertility treatments.

So, pick one.

Decide which baby
doesn't get to live

so glenda castillo's does.

Go ahead.

Pick a card.
You choose.

That's what I thought.

[ Monitor beeps,
machinery whirring ]

Dr. Herman:
[ Breathing shakily ]

No.

No.

Get me out!

Get me out of here!

Get me out!

You have to.
I don't.

The radiation treatments
are going to help.

They are gonna shrink
the borders of the tumor,

which will
make it easier to resect.

It's a minimal gain for you.

I will take what I can get.
I am trying to save your life!

You are making me feel
like I've already died.

I'm sick.
I'm losing my hair.

I refuse to spend
the last few months of my life

feeling like a pile of crap.

No more.

That's final.

Woman over p.A:
Dr. Stanley, please report...

I am going to give you
more than a few months.

I am going to save your life.

And I am about to get up
in front of a bunch of people

and tell them
how I plan on doing it.

It makes it really hard
for me to do that

or even care about doing that

when you don't
seem to care at all!

Well, that's your problem.

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Richard:
Well, the word's spreading.

This was a good idea, hunt...

A master class in neurosurgery.

This is gonna put
Amelia Shepherd on the map.

Mm. Unless it fails.

It won't.

If it does...

There's a lesson in that, too.

So, she just spitballs
this stuff with you?

It's just the two of you
hanging out, talking tumor?

Pretty much.

I want to talk tumor!
[ Chuckles ]

I want to talk tumor
so bad.
Shh!

Oh, my god.
Look at that thing
yeah.

Previous attempts

to treat Dr. Herman's tumor
with radiation

proved unsuccessful.

I had hoped to use
high radioactive doses

to reduce the margins,

but at this juncture,

that course
seems to be unrealistic.

But that's not enough
to make me quit.

This tumor is fierce
and intimidating and aggressive,

but so am I.

[ Monitor beeping ]

Dr. Herman:
Now, the trick to this is,

you can't touch the vessel while
you're lasering the mass...

Not even a little bit.

If you do...

Arizona: The field fills with
blood, obscuring the camera,

and visualization
is compromised.

First, I need to see the tumor,
all of it...

Every margin,
every last ripple and Ridge.

So, what do you do?

I have two choices...

Open her up
and stop the bleeding if I can,

or deliver the baby
regardless of how early.

Very good.

So, I will employ
fluorescein dye

to delineate
every border of the tumor,

to help me anticipate
every possible problem

before I get to it.

I don't want to leave anything
up to chance.

Julie: [ Groaning ]
[ Monitor beeping rapidly ]

Dr. Herman:
What happened?

Maggie:
The pressure's dropped.

She's in a lot of pain,
and she's cramping.

Julie: It hurts!
It hurts, it hurts!

Arizona: It's okay, Julie.
We've got you, we've got you.

She has a vasa previa.

She's scheduled
for an ablation tomorrow.

I've been trying
to get her pressure back up,

but there is no fetal heartbeat.

[ Flatline ]

Damn it.
Where's her husband?

Julie: Is that blood?!
I'm bleeding?!

Gown me.
Keep him out of here.

Robbins, you're gonna get this
baby out right here, right now.

Here?

We need a c-section tray
set up in here.

Call peds.
Get an Incubator, stat.

Wait! What?!
I'm gonna have the baby now?!

Julie, I'm gonna
give you something to
calm you down, okay?

I never had to do a crash "c"
on my own before, okay?

I mean,
n-not like this.
Dr. Herman:
You know what to do.

It's the same three basic steps,
just like any other c-section...

Open the abdomen,
open the uterus, deliver.

Okay, I'm okay.

Pressure's steady at 100/60.

Okay, I-I can do this.
Betadine.

Okay.

Robbins?
I'll do... I'll do this.

It's fine, Robbins.

I'll do it.

Scalpel.

[ Sobbing ]

[ Muffled ] I'm so sorry.

We did everything we could do.

[ Sobbing continues ]

I'm so sorry.

Good job. Let's go.

[ Crying, sniffling ]

Stop crying.

Oh, for the love of...

Stop crying!
I'm...

Stop it now! Just...

Stop it right now.

There's no time for crying.

[ Marker scratching ]

We have work to do.

What?

H-how can you even...

'cause that's the way it goes,
Robbins.

[ Sighs ]

Call Bailey.

Tell her we're on.

[ Machinery whirring ]

Amelia: Now, arguably, the most
important part of the brain

is the part
that makes us hope...

Dream...

Imagine.

One singular,
almost immeasurable part

is what makes you you...

And me me...

And everyone... Everyone.

It's technically called
the fornix,

but I call it
the "dream box."

The question is...
[ Monitor beeps ]

what happens when
the dream box is being invaded,

when a tumor is so large,
so demanding,

it's sucking the dream box dry?

It's taking over...

It's stealing away
hopes and dreams.

Imagine,
when that tumor is removed,

what... what
will actually be left?

Or, rather, who is left?

Anything?

Anyone?

Dr. Herman: I remember my mom
telling me once

that when we die,
we go to heaven.

I couldn't picture it.

All I could imagine
was what we see in cartoons...

Little people in robes
with wings, sitting on clouds.

But nobody really knows
what's up there, do they?

Arizona:
When I was a kid,

I used to think
that we were like dandelions...

Like, the part that makes us us
would just blow away

and land and grow into...

I don't want
to be buried, by the way.

Have me cremated.

W... excuse me?

If I survive the surgery
but don't wake up,

give me five days...
A week, tops...

Then pull the plug.
This is...

We don't need
to be talking about this.

If I do wake up but I'm
dependent on vents or tubes,

pull the plug then, too.

Y-you know what?
You're not... you're not dying.

You're not gonna wake up gorked.

Shepherd knows
what she's doing. She does.
Okay. Sure.

She does!
I heard you.

[ Sighs ] [ Wings fluttering ]

That bird is gonna poop on us.

Oh...

What's next today?

Glenda castillo.

Glenda: I'm so glad
you brought me back in.

[ Heartbeat ] Have a look.

Well, the teratoma has grown.

It's showing
early signs of hydrops.

Is everything okay?
Glenda, your baby's
retaining fluid,

which is starting
to affect his heart.

I'm recommending
we do the surgery tonight.

Tonight?

No, that's way too soon.

The tumor is creating pressure
on your placenta.

It's not only
endangering the baby,

but now it's
putting you at risk.

But my baby
wouldn't survive, would he,

if you suddenly had to deliver?

'Cause I'm only 24 weeks along,

and I-I know that it
would help him if he had
time to grow, right?

If I could just hold on
for a few more weeks...

It's not what's best for you.

I don't care about me.

Glenda, if Dr. Herman
thinks that...

No, my husband is dead.

[ Voice breaking ] But this baby
that is inside of me,

this baby of ours,
I cannot risk his life.

I won't.

So, if there is a choice

between helping me
or helping my baby,

I choose my baby.

What does she think
we're trying to do here?

I am not negotiating
with a patient.

I am the doctor. I'm gonna
tell her when we're go...
[ Laughs ]

I'm sorry.

Robbins,
what's the hell?
What's funny
about this?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
It's just... it's just...

It's funny listening
to you get so bent out of shape

when this is
the exact same thing

that you've been doing
to Amelia Shepherd

ever since she offered
to save her life.

I mean, she has.
Exactly.

"We'll do the surgery
when I'm ready."

And it's so frustrating.

It's torture,
and it drives us crazy.

So, it's just fun
to watch it happen to you.

It's like divine justice.

Pretend that I'm not here.

Keep going.

I will give Ms. castillo
an extra week,

but I want her admitted.

And if she so much as
hiccups funny,

I'm taking her to surgery.

J... understood.

Hey, thank you
for taking her case.

[ Chuckles ]

Oh, shut up.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Laughter ] [ Liquid pours ]

¶ I want to tell you
everything ¶

[ laughing ] I can't...

¶ My darkest secrets,
won't you keep? ¶
holy... oh. Ah. Ah.

How do I access that area of
the brain when it's so hidden?

And once I access that area,

even with the perfect tools,
the perfect approach...

¶ I'll share
my house and things with you ¶
How do I keep
from screwing it up?

¶ This world of mine
is your world, too ¶
Amelia: If there's
edema, it's post-fixed.

It's too narrow,
too close the fornix.

If I hit the hypothalamus,
game over.

Not gonna work,
not gonna work, not gonna work.

¶ Let it grow around ¶ come on!

Do you want some food?

Amelia: Have I
figured this out yet?

No.

Then I don't want any food.
¶ my fee-e-e-e-t ¶

[ breathes deeply ]

¶ They'll grow around ¶

this has never been done before.

All these steps in this order
on this kind of tumor

has never been done.

Is that a good thing
or a bad thing?

Who do I even think I am?
Who am I to even try this?

Okay, a bad thing.

[ Sighs ]

¶ As the days turn into weeks ¶

Stephanie:
Have you called your brother?

¶ Weeks to years ¶
what did I say
about my brother?

I know.
You don't need him.

I was just thinking you could,

just to have someone
to bounce these ideas off of

who understands this kind of
thing the way that you do...

A peer.

He might have a suggestion.

I do not need my brother!

I am not stuck!
I am thinking!

I am figuring it out!

I am right on the edge
of figuring it out,

of making the breakthrough
of a lifetime!

I am this close!

My genius is flying around
this room right now,

trying to find a clear path
to land on me,

but I can't clear
the runway for landing

because I can't find any quiet

because some idiot resident
keeps talking to me!

[ Papers rustling ]

¶ Let it grow around ¶
I shouldn't have
said that.

I didn't mean it.
I'm tired, and I'm frustrated.

I...

I am so sorry.
I just [Sighs]

This tumor is making me crazy.

Edwards.

As bad as you want
to get that tumor,

that's as bad as I want
to watch you get that tumor.

You're tired and frustrated
and terrified, but guess what.

I don't give a damn.

You're supposed to be my mentor.

You are my mentor.

I believe in you,
I look up to you,
I want to be you.

That's an enormous
responsibility,

so don't call me names.

And stop pouting because you
don't understand what to do.

Be worthy of being believed in,
of being looked up to.

Or if you can't
actually be worthy,

if I am actually
wasting my time,

if there is nothing about you
that is special or wise,

for god's sake,

at least have the decency
to pretend that there is.

Get it together,
Dr. Shepherd.

¶ Let it grow around ¶

¶ my fee-e-e-e-t ¶

[ sighs ] ¶ ooh ¶

¶ let it grow around ¶

get it together,
Dr. Shepherd.

¶ My fee-e-e-e-t ¶

Dr. Herman: [ Laughs ]
¶ ooh ¶

¶ let it grow around ¶

[ laughs ]

¶ My fee-e-e-e-t ¶

[ cellphone chiming, vibrating ]

[ Laughter,
indistinct conversations ]

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Hey.
Um, how are you?

Uh, good.
How's Dr. Herman? Is she good?
Is everything good?

Yeah, I mean, she's killing
me with back-to-back
surgeries but...

[ chuckles ]
Yeah, and Amelia's plan?
You good with that?

Callie, what are you...
[ Sighs ]
What?

I'm not...
I'm just checking in, okay?

I'm just... Seeing how you are
and, uh, how, um...

Callie?
Well, it just seems like

you and Dr. Herman are getting
along really, really well,

and you used to complain
that she was killing you,

but now you're happy
that she's killing you,

and it seems like you
really, really like her.

I do. [ Chuckles ]
Actually, I do. She's great.

She's...
I mean, she's amazing.
And she's sick.

So, I-I worry.
Amelia's got it covered.

She's gonna be fine.
I-I worry about you.

I know I shouldn't.

I know it's none of my business,
but, uh, old habits.

Well, that's, um...

Thanks.

[ Cellphone chimes, vibrates ]

Oh, I-I got to go.
Okay, okay.

Man:
Wow, that's tall.

Woman:
Yeah. Really big.

Just so you know,
the auditorium is packed.

The fire Marshall actually
made me move a bunch of people

out to an overflow room.

Amelia.

Just give me a minute.

Amelia.
Shh!

Hang on.

You can talk to me.

You're wound pretty tight.

I just want you to know
you can talk to me.

[ Sighs ]

My whole career, I have been
the other Dr. Shepherd.

He's the real one.
I'm the other one.

Right now, this plan of mine
is theoretical.

It's just talk.

But at some point,

I am going to slice into
Dr. Herman's brain,

and I have this sick feeling

that when I face that tumor,

I will discover that I am not
just the other Dr. Shepherd...

I'm the wrong
Dr. Shepherd.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Hey.

911?
What's going on?

Look, I know you've
been having me take
the lead so I can learn,

but you need
to handle this case.

Why would I do that?
Because it's emergent,

and I've never tried
cutting umbilical bands.

First time
for everything.
Well... [ Sighs ]

Listen to me, okay?

I'm not ready
to take this over yet.

Doesn't matter.

Stop! Stop!

You... [ Stammers ]
You're not hearing me.

It does matter.
I'm not ready.

And you think I am?

You think this is easy for me?

You think I'm ready?

I was fine.
I got fine with dying.

And then you infected me
with your stupid...

With Shepherd and her plan
and your stupid hope.

[ Voice breaking ]
And now it's harder than ever

to hand all this over.

I don't want to.

I'm scared to.

And [Sighs] I'm scared
to let go of it,

and it's all your fault, so...

I think the very least
you could do is deserve it.

Take over, do well,
make me not regret it.

Can you do that?

Please?

Amelia:
This is the part

where things
get a little fast and furious.

It is arguably
the most dangerous,

most precarious
portion of the operation.

It also needs
to happen the fastest.

Every step,
every move before this

has laid the groundwork
for this very moment,

the moment where I place
the radioactive seeds.

It requires precision...

I just need to slip
these shears under the band.

And accuracy and speed...

Things that do not
go together well.

[ Sighs ]
I can't get the last band.

This grip's not flexible enough.

Dr. Herman: Can you
coax it through?

Mm. It's not... no.
It won't give.

You have to cut
that last band.
I know.

Have you tried
a smaller scissor?
Mm. It's not
the problem.

Imagine picking up
little grains of salt

while wearing oven mitts.

That is what I'm doing
inside somebody's brain.

Hand me a glove.
What?

Somebody hand me a glove.
Scissors.

There's this thing
that we used to do in peds.

I think it'll work.

I just need
a more flexible opening,

and I can make it
out of a glove.

That's not in my notes, Robbins.

[ Monitor beeping ]

Are you serious?
It's gonna work.

But once I do it,

once I place the final seed,

well...

It's smooth sailing.

Ha! Did you see that?!

It worked! It... it...
It absolutely worked!

'Night, 'night, tumor baby.

It has been lovely,

but we are done.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Amelia: I'd like to open things
up to a few questions.

Yes.

Are you nervous?

Uh...

I'd be crazy not to be.

Yes, of course I'm nervous,
but I'm also very excited.

This is history.

This surgery will be history.

How could I
not be excited about that?

[ Shears snip,
monitor beeping ]
Excellent, excellent.

You should be
very proud of yourself.

[ Chuckles ]

Close up now.

Where are you going?

Richard: What you're describing
is seven different surgeries

all using the hardest techniques
you've ever tried.

How long do you anticipate the
entire surgery actually taking?

18 hours...
[ Audience murmuring ]

give or take some hours.

[ Laughter ]

Jo:
Uh, follow-up question...

Do you need a second resident
on the case?

Uh, not unless Edwards
is planning to bail on me.

You planning to bail, Edwards?

No, ma'am.

Yes, in the back.

Callie:
Will you have help?

Um... Sorry?

Well, I'm just, uh...

Well, are you gonna be doing
this whole surgery yourself,

or is Derek...
Uh, Dr. Shepherd coming?

I'm... I'm just...
I'm just asking.

I mean, given everything,
is it a good idea?

Should you
be doing this yourself?

[ Audience murmurs ]

Well, I am, so...

Next question.

[ Indistinct whispering ]

I need you to scan me.

Something's happening.
I'm experiencing symptoms...

Fuzziness around the edges,
a little like, uh, blinders,

and it's, uh, dark... darker
than it should be, I think.

Okay.

Let's go.

[ Machinery whirring ]

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Sighs ] [ Monitor beeping ]

Bailey?
Where's Dr. Herman?

She stepped out.
What do you need?

Uh... It's
glenda castillo.

Hey, I need Herman right now.

Glenda castillo's baby
is in distress,

and glenda
is severely hypertensive,

showing signs of heart failure.

We need to operate
on her immediately,

so if you could finish up...

What are you doing?

Why are you
standing there? I...
Arizona.

Oh, god.

It's time.

Now?

I'm gonna go...

Get an O.R. ready.

Okay.

Okay.

You ready
f-for this?

Mm-hmm.

A-Amelia.

I'll get an O.R. prepped.

You'll inform the patient?

Dr. Herman:
Oh. Robbins.

[ Grunts ]
Surgery's all finished?

Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

[ Breathes deeply ]

I see.

Shepherd's
prepping the O.R.?

Yes.

If I had to guess,

I'd say the tumor's
invaded the optic chiasm.

Ah.

My chariot awaits.

A little privacy, guys?

Did you, uh, need me
for something... a patient?

Um, yeah.

Glenda castillo's baby
has hydrops.

Mom is mirroring,
and she's going into chf.

Wow.

Looks like a big day
for both of us.

What you need to do first

is try to embolize
the vessels fetoscopically.

Make sure her blood pressure
is stabilized.

She has you.

Amelia has you.

This is the point
where you trust her, okay?

Don't go in without checking
glenda's platelet counts

and crossmatching.

This is the point
where you trust her, okay?

All set.

Don't let glenda's
platelet count drop below...

100. I know.

Will you tie me?
Yeah.

[ Sighs ]

[ Both breathe deeply ]

[ Hollow wood's "seasons"
plays ]

[ Sighs ]

Let's do this.

Dr. Herman:
I never placed much value

in wondering about an afterlife.

My concern was always this life,

what would I do with it?

How would I make my mark?

Be sure, be fast. You don't have
half the time you imagine.

Try to ablate all the vessels,
but don't wait too long.

Don't be afraid
to make that call.

If she's awake, she'll
tell you for the 15th time

to save her child's life
before hers.

Listen to her,
let her say her piece,

then you do
what needs to be done.
I don't think... I don't...
I don't know...

[ sighs ] I don't know
if I can do this.

I can't.
I can't do this.
You can.

Nicole.
You will.

Let's get you inside now, okay?

I wanted to break new ground.

¶ Light turned to dark ¶
I wanted to leave a legacy.

I wanted my life,
my brain, my existence...


¶ But death
can't take you away ¶

to mean something.

¶ I'll take these memories ¶
[ Air hissing ]

Hey, hey, hey,
you're gonna be fine, okay?

Amelia's got this.
You've got this.

The thing that I never
really thought about, though,


the thing I never really
wrapped my brain around


until now was...

[ Breathes deeply ]

¶ And sail away ¶

wait, Robbins.

No.

Don't you dare.

Don't you dare say it, Nicole.

In order to do that,
in order to be remembered,


in order to leave
something significant behind...


Time to go.

[ Air hissing ]

you have to leave.

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