Grey's Anatomy (2005–…): Season 11, Episode 11 - All I Could Do Was Cry - full transcript

April: There's a thing we say
when someone dies.

We say it
to the patient's family.

Amelia: There are
on-call rooms for that.

We say,
"I'm sorry for your loss."

With type ii, we're dealing
with low birth weight,

underdeveloped lungs,
swallowing problems,

respiratory problems.

If carried to term,
type ii infants typically die

within a few hours of delivery,
sometimes days.

Your baby's also at high risk
for intrauterine fracturing.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.



Um, did you say intrauterine?

Yes.
My b...

My baby's bones
are breaking inside of my belly?

The place
he's supposed to be safe,

his... his bones are breaking.

[ Voice breaking ] No, I just...
Um, c-can he feel it?

His bones breaking?

I mean, he can feel it, right?

So, he's in...
He's in pain.

Again, I am so sorry.

It's a pat little phrase,
and an empty one.

[ Indistinct talking,
monitor beeping ]

Man: Clear!

It doesn't begin to cover



what's actually happening
to them.

Man: Clear.

It lets us empathize
without forcing us

to feel
their devastation ourselves.

It protects us...

Man:
Time of death...

[ Woman wails ]

from feeling that pain.

That dark, sinking,
relentless pain...

The kind that can eat you alive.

And every day,
I thank god for that.

[ Door opens ]

I thought they went home.

They wanted to talk some more.

I'm not sure it helped.
Why didn't you call me?

I mean, I can help them.

They need someone who knows them

and who cares about them
and who can make it...

Who can make it what?

Nice.

I want to make it
as nice for them as it can be.

And you're not nice.

You really care about them,
don't you?

Yeah, I do.
They're my friends.

And that right there

is why you have no business
in that room.

There's only one set of feelings
that matters here,

and it's not yours.

I don't know what's gonna
help them, but it isn't you.

April Kepner
is no longer your patient.

Excuse me.

[ Door opens ]

April:
[ Crying ] There's no way,

no way for me
to do what I need to do...
April...

and what I-I believe
that I should do.

Shh, shh, shh.

There is a way, sweetheart.

There's always a way.

Now, here's what we'll do.

You will choose a day.

Soon.

Set it aside
and arrange to be induced.

And you'll give birth
to your beautiful little boy.

And you'll give him a name

and have him baptized
right then and there.

Then you're gonna get
to hold that baby.

And you'll pray for him
and sing to him.

You're gonna look at him.

You're gonna look at him

and memorize every little detail
of his face.

And you will do that
as long as he lives.

You will do that
until god takes him.

That's how you will do this.

[ Sobs ] We can do that.

Can you do that for me?

Oh, of course
I'll do that for you.

I'll do that
for you and him and us.

Okay.
Okay?

Okay.

So, I'll just...

I'll just hold him
until god takes him.

That sounds lovely.

Maybe god won't take him.

Maybe... maybe
there will be a miracle.

Okay.

I'll just pray for a miracle.

Okay.
Okay?

[ Sobs ]

Okay.

Okay.

[ Exhales sharply ]

Lord...

Bailey!

Grey! What?!

Sorry.
I have a favor to ask.

I'm on call this weekend.
Can you take it?

Why?
What do you need to do?
I want to go see Derek.

I don't really want
to talk about it in here.

No, I can't.

Little tuck is with his father,

and Ben and I have the weekend
to ourselves.

Which is exactly why
I'm asking...

Then you know
exactly why I'm saying no.

Huh!

[ Breathes deeply ]

Lord...

[ cellphone vibrating ]

Oh, well, crap.

You know what I was gonna say.

Woman: Somebody get me
an O.R., please?

Move beds three and four
to the burn center.

Man: Coming through!
It's a mess in here.

Yeah, Kepner's out.

Things don't run right
without her.

We have a GSW in five.
Bailey, can you take that?

Yeah, b-b-but how are they...
Kepner and Avery?

No word.
I'm admitting
that femur break in bed six.

Bed five needs a rt consult.
Okay, hold on.
Hold on, um...

Okay, well, where's Kepner?
I can just tell her.

Uh, she and Avery are out today.

Oh, god, today?
[ Sighs ]

Okay,
what are we gonna do for them?

Flowers?
No, that's weird.

Yeah, no,
w-what else can we do for them?

Do for who?
Together:
Kepner and Avery.

Oh, god, what do you do?
Flowers?

Vetoed.
Food?

Who cooks?
Nobody cooks.

Oh, Kepner cooks.

We could do a fruit basket?

Oh, stop.
We could all sign a card.

Okay, I'm stopping.
I lit a candle
in the chapel.

It made me feel better.

You can all just, um,
give them privacy.

That's all they're gonna want.

Uh, Shepherd.

Uh, you said you wanted

to go over Dr. Herman's
tumor plan.

You want to get lunch?
Oh.

Uh... I can't.

I-I got to push it.

Drew Hawkins,

in for a surgical resection
of a butterfly glioma.

Can you see the light
even a little?

Nope.
It's just black.

Total blindness now
for about a month.

But I can still smell.

What is that, lilac perfume?

Lavender shampoo.

And why has drew gone blind?

The blindness in both eyes

is caused by a lesion
in the optic radiation.

Nailed it, Dr. lavender.
[ Chuckles ]

Oh, can we show her the trick?

Sure.

Catch!

Oh, wow.
Pretty fly
for a blind guy, right?

How?
Drew has
cortical blindness.

His eyes still see,
but only the subconscious part

of his brain
receives the signals.

Your subconscious saw the pen.

Once I decompress the tumor,

I may be able
to free up the visual cortex,

possibly restoring your sight.

And maybe I'll see again?

Drew, we talked about this.

I am gonna try
for total resection,

but at the very least,
I will buy you time.

I know, I know,
but there's a chance?

There's a chance.

[ Siren wailing ]
What do you have for me?

Brenda bonaman, 44.

Isolated shotgun wound
to the neck.

She has right shoulder
dislocation status

post mechanical fall.
Who shot her?

My husband.
Your husband?

Not like that!
Not on purpose!

It was an accident.
Was it, Howard?

Was it an accident?

Did you confuse me with a moose?

Brenda, if I wanted
to shoot you, I'd have
done it in the woods.

You'd still be out there.
Okay,
l-let's calm it down.

Miranda: Let's get her
to trauma one now.

Shoulder dislocation.

The acromion's fractured.

I'm gonna need to do a reduction
under anesthesia.

Might as well wait.
She's got a zone two injury.

Wounds from the cricoid
to the mandible.

She's got to go straight
to the O.R.

Oh, god.
Brenda, I'm sorry.

Howard, shut up.
And, uh...

Why were we pointing
a shotgun at our wife today?

I was putting it away, and it...

We had just come back
from duck hunting.

Duck hunting...
His big idea of an adventure.

It was fun!
You had...

I wanted to go to Belize.

Well, it rains in Belize, too.

I don't get shot in Belize!

[ Groans ]

Brenda, what's hurting?
Everything hurts!

Doctor, here's
the X-ray.
Okay.

Okay, yeah, it's this pellet.

It's close
to the major blood vessels.

Miranda: And we'll know for sure
once we open her up.

Come on, let's go.
Oh, god!

Howard...
Baby.

Brenda, honey, I'm here.
I'm sorry.

All right, we got to go.
Sir, could you move, please?

Warren,
follow up on her labs.
And have them rushed quick.

I need them upstairs.

Is she...
What is happening to her?!

Listen, you can wait
right over there, okay?

And, listen, as...

As soon as we know something,
we'll come get you.

We are gonna take
very good care of her.

All right.

Um... What do I do
with this?

Uh, that's
a patient's personals release.

But, uh, you take it
to the clerk.

But first,
take these up to the lab.

Tell them to rush the results.
You got it?

What time did you come
to bed last night?

I didn't until this morning.

Ugh, my palms are so sweaty.

[ Knock on door ] Hi.

So, I just need a few signatures
before we begin.

Um, so, what exactly happens
after this?

How do we get started?

Well, uh, after we're done here,

I will take you to your room.

I'll give you the medication
that starts dilation,

then the pitocin.

And your body will know
what to do from there.

So, this is
for the birth certificate.

Have you decided on a name?

Uh, we are still working
on that.
We're... yeah.

Okay, well,
you can just sign now

and we'll
fill in the rest later.

Uh, these are the consent forms.

I think we signed those.
Not these.

Uh, what we're doing today
is an induction termination.

You're at 24 weeks,
so, technically,

we could intervene
to keep the baby alive

after the delivery.

And these are just forms

to make it official
that... You don't.

I need both signatures.

What are those other forms?

Uh...

These are, um...
For the death certificate.

Really?

Can we not... Yet?

It's better

to get all of the paperwork
out of the way,

and then you never have to worry
about it again.

Do you need a minute?

Yes, please.

[ Door opens, closes ]

All I wanted was
to start a family with you.

Oh, I know.

I know.

This isn't fair.

None of this is fair.

You're right.
I know.

I don't care what she says.

I'm not signing these.

Jo: I didn't even know
this place was here.

Shh.

[ Breathes deeply ]

Okay, let's go.

Shh.

I found it first...

Their baby's problem.

I know, but that isn't...

I wished horrible things
for them, Jo.

Jackson left me for her,

and I wished them misery
and fights and breakups.

I mean, I'd see them

sitting together
in the cafeteria,

and I'd wish them
food poisoning.

Then I found this.

You would
never have wished them this.

[ Sighs ] You know that.

If you hadn't have found it,
somebody else would have.

It wouldn't have changed
anything.

It's not on you.

If anything, it just means
that you're a good doctor.

Okay.

I'm gonna go
make a blind man see.

[ Chuckles softly ]

Zola's gonna push
for cookies after dinner.

Don't fall for it.

And Bailey's blanket
is in the dryer.

Yeah, why don't you
tell this to Jo?

She's gonna be doing it.
What?

You offered.
I didn't offer.
Jo did.

I'm on call all weekend.
What's going on?

I can't leave my kids
with Wilson.

Wilson is a hoodlum.

I leave my kids with my person.

Cristina did it
all the time.
[ Cellphone vibrating ]

Cristina Yang
watched your kids?
Yes.

I don't buy that for a second.

Talk to Jo.
No Jo!

She asked you to watch her kids?

Yeah, she's wigging out

about trying to go to D.C.
to see Derek.

Why didn't she ask me?
I'm a person.

[ Scoffs ]
That's not what she meant.
What...

And you don't want to be,
trust me.

It's a pain in the ass.

[ Brenda yelling, groaning ]

All right,
let's get her prepped.

We need to put her under.
It hurts.
It hurts!

Okay, we know,

but we're gonna put you
to sleep,

and then we can attend
to that shoulder.

No, no, my stomach!

Uh, hold the anesthesia.

She's complaining
of abdominal pain.

I'm here.
Where do you need me?

Uh, can you bring
the ultrasound?

All right,
I don't see any wounds

in her torso or her legs or...

Uh, Bailey?

I don't think you'll need
that ultrasound.

Come here and tell me

if I am seeing
what I think I'm seeing.

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.

What?!
What's going on?

Uh, let's page o.B.!
Okay, okay.

Brenda,
how far along are you?
What?

I don't know...
why didn't you tell us
that you were pregnant?

Because I'm not!
That's impossible.

Tell them to get here fast!
Bring me the stirrups.
Yes, doctor.

No, I'm not pregnant!

I cant get pregnant!
I can't have a baby!

You are having one.

I'm looking at its head
right now.

Aah!

Anderson?

That's a last name
as a first name.

I hate last names
as first names.

I have a last name
as a first name.

This is gonna be too big on me.

I should've brought
something from home.
Come on.

I still like...
No!

I'm sorry.

I know he's your favorite uncle,

but you can't name a child
norbert.

Norbert's the kid that gets
his lunch money stolen.

Now...
he's the kid that gets punched
on the playground.

That's not gonna be our kid.

[ Door opens ]
All right, ready for...

[ Sighs ]

I'll come back.

Okay.

I think it's time
to put on the gown.

No, it's not time.

We don't have a name yet.

We can't do this without a name.

We may only have
a couple of minutes

with our son once...

I am not gonna spend that time
trying to figure out a name.

Can we...
just give me...
just give me a minute, okay?

Just wait.

I just, I want...
I just want to wait in case...

In case what?

It happens.

Jackson, they happen, all right?

Mir... miracles, they...
They happen to people.

There are documented
medical cases

that cannot be explained
by science.

What if this is
one of those and...

And we're deciding
to do this today,

when if we just...

I don't even know why
I'm talking to you about this.

I'm not doing this.

I thought I could, but I can't.

I won't.
April.

Where are you going?

Miranda:
Okay, call o.B. Again!

Here, hold pressure.

Uh, get a baby warmer in here.

Uh, gown us, please.

How does someone
go through nine months

and not even know
she's pregnant?

It happens.
How did we not know?

What happened
to those damn lab results?
I don't... I don't know!

I gave them to an intern,
and I told her...

I gave them to you,
not to an intern.

So you damn well better find out
what happened to them. Now!

[ Breathes deeply ]

Who the hell left this here?

Uh, what do you need?

This kind of crap

would never happen
when Kepner's here.

I-I'll take it up there.

[ Sighs ]

So, if o.B. Doesn't get here,
um, who's catching?

Uh, you are.
Oh, I was gonna say you were.

Uh, I fix bones.
Brenda:
You guys are wrong!

I'm not pregnant!

[ Screams ]
Is that
another contraction?

No, my...
Ow, my shoulder!

[ Mutters ]

Okay, more Lidocaine.

Brenda, we can't put you under
until the baby's born.

All right,
someone, uh, call peds!

I'm having a baby?
I am?

Yes, you are, Brenda.
I can't have babies.

I want to,
but they told me I can't ever.

Okay, well,
they were wrong, sweetie.

You can and you are,
so get ready.

On the next contraction,
I'm gonna need you
to push, okay?

[ Gasps ] [ Monitor beeping ]

Pulse ox is dropping.

The hematoma's compressing
the trachea.

She's gonna lose her airway!
Oh, god, okay.

Okay, all right,
we're almost there, Brenda.

I want you to push for me, okay?

One, two, three, push!

[ Monitor beeping ]
That's great.
That's great.

Okay, try it again.
One, two, three, push!

[ Beeping continues ]

No! No, no, no.
Don't push.

She's straining too hard.
She's dislodged the clot.

Uh, lap pads, lap pads.

Hold pressure with me here.

Bailey.
Bailey, it's okay.

It's okay.
You did it, Brenda.

You did it.

Brenda, you have a little girl.

[ Monitor beeping rapidly ]

Hey, you know how this is done?

Not a clue.

Hey, uh, did Yang
ever watch Meredith's kids?

[ Scoffs, chuckles ]

See, I knew it.
Mer's full of crap.

I don't have to babysit
for her.
No, no, she did.

Cristina would take zola.
She'd take her home.

And then when
the diaper blew out,

she'd hold her up to me
like a bag of medical waste.

Cristina would study.

She'd eat all of zola's snacks.

And I would be the one
down on the floor

playing with blocks,
so yes and no.

What are you doing this weekend?

I'd do it for Cristina,
I'm not doing it for you.

Damn it.

So, his eyes still work,

it's just the communication
to the brain?

But his tumor's
in the corpus callosum,

pushing
into both occipital lobes.

Right.
He'll probably
never see again.

But you said...
I said we'd try.

What's this?
Taking on new cases?

You told me you were going
"all my tumor, all the time."

Giving up on me?
On the contrary.

I'm going to use a co2 laser

to peel a man's glioma off
layer by layer.

It's the same technique I'll
be using on your optic nerve.

It's how I'll keep you
from going blind

when I save you.
Ah.

And here, I thought I'd won
you over to the dark side.

Never.
Keep hope alive.

So, we're practicing on him?

On drew for Herman?

Even though you don't think
he's gonna see again.

That's one way to look at it.

Another way
is we're giving him time...

More years to live.

Let's go.

Have radiology send everything
up to the O.R.

[ Baby crying ]
Okay, put her out.

Let's intubate!
Wait, wait,
can I hold her?

I'm here! Glove me.
Okay, we need
to help you breathe now.

I just need to see her.

I need to hold her.
She's crying.

Where's my baby?

No... oh, no.

I'm... I'm gonna take her
and do an exam.

She'll be here
when you wake up, okay?

Let me hold my baby!

Look, if we do,
she might lose you, honey.

There's no time.
Let us work.

Please...

I'm so sorry, Brenda.

[ Monitor beeping ]

She's throwing multifocal pvcs.

What the hell!
Uh, it's probabl...

Um, ultrasound!

Here.
Let me have those films.
Okay.

Where are you?

Oh, damn it.

Where is what?

There was a pellet
at the vessels.

It should be right there,
and it isn't.

Which means it moved
into her heart.

[ Rapid beeping ]

Runs of v-tach!
Okay, uh, 75 of lido.

Let's get a repeat chest film!

Page cardio!

Brenda, no more surprises!

It was a urine sample
and two blood draws.

I-I gave it to an intern,
and I told her to...

I found it sitting
on a supply rack.

Which intern?
Yeah, I don't know.

She was about this tall,
dark haired?

Hey, Richard.
When you find her, find me.

No, when I find her,
I'm gonna kill her.

Hi.

So, I'm on call this weekend,

and I was wondering
if you could take it.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I might have plans.

Catherine Avery's in town,
and she's going through hell.

And I'd like to be able
to tell her

I'll be available
if she needs me for anything.

Never mind.
I'll find someone else.

I-is there a problem?
I-it's not a big deal.

We can just drop it.
Everything okay?

Yeah, it's fine.
Really?

You can tell me.
I'd rather not.

You said it was important.

It's just, mm, sex.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

Emergency sex with my husband.

Should've dropped it.
Told you.

[ Siren wailing ]

April.

Just wait.
Let me go.

Okay, you're right
about miracles, okay?

Sometimes they happen.

There are hearts
that start beating again.

There's cancer
that just goes away on its own.

I know.
I've seen it.

It happens sometimes.

But this, April...
This is not that.

I know.

This isn't fair.

It isn't... Just.

And I have spent my life
believing in a god who is just.

He gave me a calling,
and I followed it.

I save lives every day.

I feel like I'm...
I'm finally becoming the person

that he wants me to be.

And then this...
To be handed this?

It's cruel.

[ Crying ] I feel like god
is laughing at me.

If this is a test, I fail.

[ Breathes deeply ]

All those years trusting
and believing

and praying...

And if this...
If this were just,

even a tiny bit,
then I could maybe...

[ Breathes deeply ]

I can't.
I have to go back to work.

I ha...
I have to go to work.

[ Babies crying ]

You're messing with me.
I'm not.

You are.
I'm not.

That's your little girl.

It's a mistake.

Brenda couldn't have a baby.
She wasn't pregnant!

She was and she did.

It was your wife...
Shotgun wound.

Had a baby.
No, she couldn't get
pregnant!

We tried!

For years!

We saw doctors.
All of them said we couldn't.

And Brenda was so... Sad.

And mad, at herself, and at me
'cause we can't have a baby.

You do.

We didn't know it?

We... we just didn't know
she was pregnant?
It happens.

This was the whole reason
for the hunting trips

and the jet skis,
trips to Bali and stuff.

I said to her,
"babe, if it's just gonna be us,

let's make us an adventure."

But she really wanted a baby.

We both did.

You can hold her if you want.

Yeah?

Yeah.
Yes.

How's my wife?

Maggie: She's gonna die
if I don't get that out.

The pellet is bouncing
all around the right ventricle.

That's what's causing
her arrhythmias.

I'm gonna have to open her up.

Let's get ready
to put her on bypass!

Damn it, how did we get here?

Look, she had a baby
she never had a chance to hold,

so if you could just...
That's not helping.

I'll prep
the femoral artery.
[ Monitor beeping ]

Maggie: She's arresting!
Crash cart!

Charge to 200.

Husband wants to know
how she's doing.

Clear!
Aw, crap.

[ Flatline ]

I have a pulse.
We have sinus!

Splash her with Betadine.
Get me some towels.

For what it's worth,
this is kind of a miracle baby.

I mean, they never thought
they could have one.

So, you might be saving
a whole family.

None of this is helping me!

Ten blade!

She's gonna die
if I don't get that out.

[ Monitor beeping ]

[ Sighs ]

God...

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ]

I don't know.

I don't know, uh...

If you're out there or not, um,

or if you can even hear people

who don't know
if you're out there.

Or if you give a crap
about what they say.

But, um... God, yahweh,

Buddha, e.T.,
whatever...

April... Knows.

Right?
She believes.

And she needs you.

So, uh...

Um, show up for her?

Please?

Show up for April.

She loves you.

She needs you.

Please, uh...

Show up for her.

Please.

[ Sighs ]
Didn't expect to see you here.

They asked me for some privacy,
so... I'm staying away.

[ Sighs ]

What can I do?

How many months has it been

since that day in Boston?

Um... About six.

Six months.

Six.

Yet it took something like this

for you to pick up a phone
and call.

I wanted to, uh,
several times, I...

Richard, I-I-I think

we don't need to talk
about that right now.

Okay.

If there's any way I can help...

if there is anything
I can do for you,

or for them...
I'm here.

I think I just want to be alone.

[ Sighs ]

Amelia:
And you have to keep the laser
moving all the time.

Remove the tumor cell by cell

like zapping dust
off of a carpet.

Without
singeing the carpet.
Exactly.

Now, when we use this
on Herman's tumor,

it'll be on her optic chiasm
and nerve.

And rather
than restoring drew's sight,

we'll have to keep her
from going blind.

See. There.
You just said it.

Said what?
You said
"restoring drew's sight."

You need to let that go.
I knew it.

You wouldn't have said it
if you couldn't do it.

You wouldn't have even tried.
The tumor is everywhere.
It's impossible.

I knew that 20 minutes
into this surgery.

Okay, so, why don't you stop?
Why are you still working?

To improve my technique.

That's...

You should stop.
Why?

You don't feel
the slightest bit guilty?
Guilty? Why?

For using this nice, funny man,

for turning him
into a skills lab.

I can't use a human being
for practice.

You feel guilty

because you are
thinking about you.

And this has nothing to do
with you.

This is about drew.

This was his last hope.

The chances were slim,
and drew knew that.

So I am thinking about
what to say to him

when he f