Grey's Anatomy (2005–…): Season 11, Episode 10 - The Bed's Too Big Without You - full transcript

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[ Glass rattles ]

[ Glass rattles ]

[ Elliphant's "never been
in love" playing ]

¶ Summer's cold
and I am broke, man ¶

¶ and my bills don't wait ¶

¶ mommy's angry, club is old ¶

¶ and I'm born too late ¶

¶ vicious city try to break me ¶

¶ but I walk right through ¶

¶ I couldn't care less
nor am I fearless ¶

¶ on my way to you ¶



Meredith:
They found this guy in Maine

who had been living
completely alone in the woods

for 30 years.

¶ I don't care,
no, I don't care ¶

they called him
the last true hermit.

¶ Radio keep crying but... ¶

[ both moaning ]

[ Laughs and squeals ]
[ Laughs ]

30 years without the warmth
of human touch.

[ Cell phone vibrating ]

Without conversation.

Jo: [ Moans ]

¶ People keep jumping ¶

[ cell phone continues
vibrating ]
[ Laughs ]



The hermit felt more lonely
when he was out in the world...

Alex! Alex!

Than he ever felt
in the woods by himself.
[ Squeals ]

¶ Hearts keep on breaking,
souls keep on aching ¶

¶ but I never
been in love before ¶

surrounded by people
but drowning in solitude...

That kind of loneliness?

¶ Yeah, yeah, oh, oh ¶

¶¶¶

¶ oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ¶

can swallow you whole.

[ Machine whirring ]

[ Woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. ]

Hey! I texted you.

Yeah, I saw that.
I was busy.

Well, Cristina would've
responded.

That's not how it works.

Not if she was doing
what I was doing.

You pause. That's the rule.

What?
If the text is urgent,

Cristina would say to Owen,
"pause,"

and I would say to Derek,
"pause,"

then we'd text each other back.

In the middle of sex?
If the the text is urgent.

The fact you are checking a text
while you're doing it

is already sad.
We had a special ringtone.

Hey, you want
a special ringtone?

No. Wait, this pause thing...

[ Laughs ] Like, your legs
are in the air

and you're screaming and...
Pause.

No, I don't pause.
Jo doesn't pause.

She fast-forwards
and she rewinds,

but she doesn't pause.
Okay, that's gross.

Do you wanna scrub in
on my I.V.C. Sarcoma?
[ Exhales deeply ]

Is it a kid?
No.

Then no. Why?

Because I want some company.

Get a resident.

I have a resident.
I want a grownup.
Bye.

Cristina would've scrubbed in.
You're no good at this.

Bailey!

You wanna scrub in
on my I.V.C. Sarcoma?

Well, you don't need me for
that. don't you have a resident?

Residents are boring.
All they wanna do is learn.

Come on.
It's gonna be good.

It's all over the liver,
hepatic vein.

It's gonna be bloody and gross.

[ Elevator bell dings ]
Does look like fun.

Page me when you're ready.
See you in the O.R.

Adrian Nelson, 51.
Presents with abdominal pain.

Scans show a leiomyosarcoma

behind the liver,
including the I.V.C.

What's the surgical plan?

Laparotomy to isolate
the vessel,

resect the tumor,
and then replace with a graft.

It's a pretty straightforward
procedure, Adrian.

I don't foresee any problem.

Could I ask you to...

I-it's silly. Never mind.

Meredith: What is it?

She wants you to...
To swear on the book.

[ Horn honks in distance ]

"The odyssey."

It's... it's the first book
I ever sold Adrian.

The day we met.

Michael's a rare book vendor.

Our hands touched
when I was ringing her up...
[ Chuckles ]

And it was...[ Laughs ]
It was such a high.

It was electric.

We were both too shy
to ask for a date.

So I wrote my number
on a bookmark.

I saw it as soon as I got home,
and then I called.

We've been together ever since.
[ Chuckles ]

This book, it's... it's...
It's our wedding ring.

Could you swear on the book,
Dr. Grey,

that you'll do your best?

It would mean so much.

[ Telephone rings in distance ]

Dr. Wilson, too.

Sure.
I swear.

[ Elevator bell dings ]

So Dr. Wilson will prep you,
and I'll see you up there.

[ Lowered voice ]
They're adorable.

They're weirdos.

[ Heartbeat whooshing ]
Okay, you're gonna feel
a little bit of pressure.

And this will tell us
conclusively

if the osteogenesis imperfecta
is type ii or III?

Yeah.
It's probably type ii though,
right?

I mean, so far there's been
no indication of fetal distress.

Well, we'll know soon enough.

[ Whooshing continues ]

It'll be okay.
O.I. Type III, it's hard, sure,

when there's surgeries and
challenges, but we're surgeons.

We can... We can handle
challenges, right?

Mm-hmm.
I mean, we'll...

We'll still be able to give
our baby a wonderful life.

Right?

Many type III babies live
very, very happy lives.

Shouldn't Dr. Herman
be doing this?

Mm, it's very routine procedure.

Dr. Herman is the big gun.

We only fire the big gun
when we need the big gun.

I'm the little gun, so...

[ Whispers ]
Let the little gun work.

[ Whooshing continues ]

Thank you so much. I know that
took up a lot of your time.

I just wanna get
all of the views

with the thinnest cross sections
I can get.

And I find that adorable.

You really think you can
pull off your plan, huh?

I've got
all your past medical records.

Once I get a firm grasp

on the roads your other surgeons
took to get to "no,"

I can cut away a clear path
to "yes."

By the time I'm done
with your tumor,

I'm gonna be able to tell you

what street
this bastard grew up on

and where it lost its virginity.
Hmm.

Well, you certainly are
confident.

Thank you.
Or delusional.

One of the two.

It's hard to tell.
They look similar.

So I think we need to talk
about what we'll decide

if it turns out
the baby's type III.

I already told you, he won't be.

Yeah, I know that's what
you believe. So do I, obviously.

But if he is type ii,
then it's so terrible...

I know.
And fatal...

[ Sighs ] Usually.

All right? And before that,
it's even worse.

I-I know all of this. I just...
I don't wanna talk about it.

But we should talk about it.
We need to talk about it.

W-why? Why can't we just wait
until tomorrow?

Because we should have a plan.
What do you mean?

Okay, well, uh,
what do you wanna do?

That's what I'm saying.
I think we should decide.

No, no. I'm... I'm...
I'm asking what you want.

I want for us to
figure this out together.

I don't... I don't think
that's true.

I think that you already know
what you would wanna do.

So...
What?

Just... yeah, just say it
out loud.

Don't...
Right now.
Well, what do you wanna do?

[ Sighs deeply ]

If our baby is type ii, I...

I think we should terminate.

And I don't care whether
our baby is type ii or type III.

[ Voice breaks ] Either way,
I wanna keep him.

Wh... April.

I told you I didn't wanna
talk about this.

Jo: Look at
all these adhesions.

Miranda: No way
to see 'em coming.

Sneaky little bastards
won't show up on the scan.

Meredith: And there's more
of them posteriorly, too.

I need some more exposure.

You're thinking of extending
the incision?

I have to. I can't see
what's up in there.

This tumor just keeps coming.

And all the landmarks
are obscured.

I'm lost in here.
It's like going blind.

Hey, uh, would you bring
those scans closer, please?

Man: Yes, doctor.

See, the tumor should be
in the suprahepatic I.V.C. Only.

Meredith: That can't be right.

It doesn't show
any further local invasion.

Show me the coronal view?
[ Beep ]

What's the tumor doing
all the way over there?

That's what I want to know.

How old are these scans?
They're only two weeks old.

And they're completely outdated.

I mean, this thing is growing
too fast.

Nothing is where
it's supposed to be.

Tumor has extended to
the I.V.C. Tributaries.

Yeah, these scans are useless.
I can't see what I'm doing.

Oh, god. It's also spreading
through the diaphragm. Suction.

I can't even see where...
Neither can I.

Don't touch that. It's tearing.
[ Suction gurgling ]

Well, the tumor's extended all
the way up between the lungs.

Someone page cardio!

It's all the way up into
the pericardium.

Get the suction out. don't touch
it. don't do anything.

Page... page cardio 9-1-1!

We gotta get out. Everybody out.
Hands off.

What are we doing?
What's going on?

Can someone say something?
What are we doing?

It's spread from her major
blood vessels to her liver,

diaphragm, pericardium,
and maybe even her heart.

How can one tumor
grow this big this fast?

It is everywhere.
It's a monster.

So what do we do?

I have no idea.

Meredith: Michael,
I'm afraid Adrian's tumor

has grown considerably

and it's now reaching around
her heart.

So Dr. Pierce is here.

Her... her h-heart?

It's entangled through the vein
that stretches up

from her liver to her heart.

And it's growing more rapidly
than anticipated.

So we need to take her
for more m.R.I.S

so we can see how extensive
the tumor's growth is.

Now there's all of you.

Three doctors.

[ Voice breaks ] Three is a lot.

Look, um, odysseus didn't return
to ithaca all by himself.

He needed a lot of help, right,
from the phaeacians?

Well, we're the phaeacians.

You want all the phaeacians
you can get.

We are going to figure
this tumor out.

[ Woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A. ]

Oh.

Mmm! So light.

And it's last year's model.

We're weeks away from unveiling
one that will weigh 30% less.

Mm.
Wow. Very impressive.

[ Chuckles ] Your project
is impressive.

Robotic limbs for injured vets?

Sexy as hell.

And we at cybersystems are dying
to climb into bed with you.

Well, that's very flattering.

Owen: Mm-hmm.
Good. I want it to be.

[ Elevator bell dings ]
I'll leave you this folder

so you can go over
the materials.

I'll be in Seattle another day,

so please, call me
if you need... Anything.

Thank you.
Thank you for coming in.

So...[ Sighs ]
What do you think?

I think you should definitely
go for it.
Really?

'Cause I was not that impressed
with these transducers.

What? No.

No, those...
Those things are crap.

I'm talking about her.

Her vibes?
You didn't feel her vibes?

Major vibage for major hunt.

[ Scoffs ] You read that
totally wrong.

Oh, please.

[ Breathy voice ]
"Your project's sexy as hell.

Ooh, ooh,
let's climb into bed."

I was actually uncomfortable.

Stop it!
[ Giggles ]

There you are.
Where have you been?

I was performing a c.V.S.
On April Kepner.

We're just waiting
for the results.

[ Whispers ]
God, I hate waiting.

In peds, it is...
It's much easier.

You know,
the parents are right there.

And... and you talk to them,

and then their kid
is right there,

so they can hold them close
and hope for the best.

The cat's on the roof.

With this,
there's no kid to hold.

The problem feels
so theoretical.

You know, there's no cat,
there's no roof.

There's just two scared parents
feeling totally helpless.

And you've had
the results rushed?

[ Sighs ] Yeah. I should
get them in, like, 24 hours.

Well, then there's nothing more
to do about it today,

which is good.

I have been working miracles.

I have found us
the most incredible surgeries,

all for the next few weeks.

Look, a t.T.T.S.
In a 19-weeker.

A 21-week t.R.A.P. Sequence
that needs an r.F.A.

A unilateral pulmonary agenesis.

And that is just the beginning.

The beginning of what?
Your crash course.

I have hunted down
the most screwed up,

medically compromised fetuses
that I could find,

and I'm bringing them all here
to this hospital

for you to learn and us to save.

And you'll get to fix them all?

We will.

Start reading.

You can thank me later.

Mm.

And then... and this sounds
crazy, I know, so don't even...

I'll... I'll build in
a distribution

of a radioactive seed
during surgery,

keeping Dr. Herman's tumor bed
free of recurring cells.

I thought you were gonna
use a laser.

I am. I already did.
We're way past that.

Richard: Try and keep up.

Uh, I'm sorry, Shepherd,
but this is a great opportunity

for them to learn.
I know. It's fine.

The laser is for ablating cells
off the optic nerve...

It's a massive butterfly glioma.

Well, it's not just massive.
I mean...

It's magnificent.
No, no, no.

I-I mean that,
won't a laser take months?

A-again, uh, before that,
I'll be using

the ultrasonic
surgical aspirator

to mush and flush the cells,

then the sexy laser and the...
Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm just lost.

Um, you were just talking about
laser ablation.

So is that confined to
the optic chiasm

or will that extend...
Guys, step back.

Look at the whole big,
beautiful, shapely thing.

Every part of this tumor's body
will respond differently.

You will need a multitude
of approaches.

You will have to be gentle
with one part

and rough with the other.

That is the only way
she will respond.

Get it?

I don't see tumors
the way she does.

[ Clears throat ]
Didn't five surgeons say

any one of these approaches
would likely kill the patient?

Six.

But none of them tried it all
at the same time.

It should work.

Maybe we should start over again
from the beginning.

Okay.

I will begin with
a, uh, bifrontal approach.

I-is that the right atrium?
I can't tell.

Everything looks like mush.

Well, look at this angle
right here.

Is that invading
the right atrium?

I think that's
a motion artifact.

Crap.
Adrian's back in her room.

Stable for now.
How we doing here?

Has the cyclops
revealed himself?

The cyclops?

Well, the patient's a fan
of "the odyssey,"

so I'm calling the tumor
the cyclops

'cause it's a big, ugly monster.

And I feel like I'm working
with one eye

because I can see it,
but I can't get a sense

of the whole thing.

Every view is incomplete.

Okay, what if we get a new set
of scans, with contrast,

this time with
3-d reconstruction?

Well, the woman's lying open
in her bed.

We don't have time
for a lot of trial and error.

I just wanna reach in
and grab it.

Well, we could go in with these,
but, yeah, I can't see.

If I could just
hold it in my hand

so that I could see it...

Holy crap.

What?
She's having an idea.

I already had it last year,
and it's brilliant.

[ Typing ]
We are going to print it.

The whole tumor.

I tried it
with the portal veins,

but it's not working.

But with this, we don't need it
to function.

She's got a functioning tumor.

[ Beep ]
We just need to be able
to see it

so we know how to kill it.
Know your enemy.

Is this gonna work?
It'll work.

Ooh, 2% left to upload.

This is how we beat this thing.

This is how we get
visualization.

We are going to have a tangible,
anatomically correct

3-d model of this exact tumor,

and correlate to
the adjacent organs...

Done!
Loaded! [ Laughs ]

[ Printer whirring ]

In 10 hours.

The longest documented surviving
type ii case that I could find

lived for all of 18 months.

In an I.C.U. His entire life,

hooked up to a feeding tubes
and a ventilator.

That's not a life.

That's not a life I want
for my son.

I... of c...
Neither do I. I...

Okay. So then how can you...

Because we don't know
what will happen.

We don't even know
if he's type ii.

Okay, but what if he is?

[ Whispers ] Any amount of time
that he survives...

Any amount of time that he lives
will be...

Will be with us,

in our arms...
Yes.

Knowing that he's loved
and wanted.

And his bones can break
if you touch him.

His bones can break
if we're changing his diaper.

We're doctors.
We can handle it.

If... if anyone can handle it,
we can.

I'm not saying
we can't handle it.

I'm asking if we should.

Yeah, we're doctors.

Maybe we are better equipped to
make an educated decision here.

And maybe we were
given this baby for a reason.

Karen: April.

[ Sighs ]

You called your mom.

Yeah. People need their mom
in a crisis.

No, not everybody does.

I came as soon as I got
your call, sweetie.

It's okay.
Everything's gonna be okay.

I'm here.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Are you working today?

No.
Then let's get out of here.

You could use
a change of scenery.

That's actually
a really good idea.

We should take the day,

go somewhere nice,
maybe drive to the ocean.

Let's go to church.

You'll find comfort there.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Yeah, go ahead.

Let's go pray.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Monitor beeping steadily ]

She is doing fine.

Those chairs will
kill your back.

You should go home
and get some rest.

I-I can't.

I-I can't go home alone
when she's like this.

Thought I'd just stay and read.

Okay. That's fine.
[ Gloves snap ]

But I can't read either.

Can't concentrate.

It's odd. I-I've... I've never
had that problem.

I think it's because...

I don't know where she is.

I-I always know where she is.

Well, she's right here.

It's just as if she's asleep
in the bed next to you.

Not really.

[ Voice breaks ]
Because she might not wake up.

I feel like...

Like she's sailed away

and I don't know
if she's coming back.

That's the feeling, you know?

Michael, we are working
very hard to solve this.

I know.

I know. I just...

I just want her to come back.

I do, too.

This h.L.H.S. Case
seems impossible.

Mother's pregnant
for the third time,

and each baby was stillborn.

Well, this one will be, too.

22q11 deletion?

She should adopt.

[ Folder clatters ]

Now this one, however...

Tracheal balloon occlusion
for c.D.H.?

Card that puppy.

How do you do this without...
I mean, these stories are awful.

They're patients, Robbins.

The more you find,
the more you learn,

the more we save.

It's as simple as that.

Your work is making
these three categories...

Possible, impossible, maybe.

Any other approach
is a waste of our time.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Kat Dahlia: ¶ think that cupid's
up to something ¶

ahh.
[ Clink ]

[ Chuckles ] [ Chuckles ]

Oh, wow.

¶ But lately
color seem so bright ¶

holy crap.

[ Gasps ] It's fate!

Look!
It's your sexy tech rep!

[ High-pitched voice ]
Your sexy tech rep!

She... she's not
my sexy anything.

Not yet, but she could be.

[ Laughs ] I came out tonight
with you to... to unwind,

not to...

And she's a... she's a tech rep.
That's a conflict of interest.

Not if we don't buy
her transducers.

Mm.
They're junk, anyway.

Come on! You gotta get back
in the saddle.

And she's got a nice saddle.

Oh, yeah. [ Chuckles ]
[ Glass thuds ]

What? Whoa. Whoa.
What are you doing?

Ahh.

Okay, so listen,

I'm not, uh, really great
at this kind of thing,

so I'm just gonna blurt it out.

I think that you were interested

in more than
just our program today.

Oh, you picked up on that?

I was right! Ha ha ha!

I knew it! Okay.
So this should be easy.

Owen is a little bit shy,
but he's a great guy.

And, uh...
The feeling's mutual.

So...

¶ Love ¶

[ chuckles ] So what do you say?

¶ I'm confused, I'm dazin' ¶

I would say that
there's something about him

that doesn't quite...
Feel like he's my type.

What?! No! He's...
[ Laughs ]

He's very attractive. He's nice.
He's funny.

People like funny, right?

I mean, come on.
Give him a chance.

What about him isn't your type?

He has a penis.

[ Door bell jingles ]

[ Laughs ] Oh!

[ Chuckles ] Ohh.

Oh.

Wait. No. You were...

[ Sighs ]
You... you were flirty.

I was,

but not with him.

¶ Again ¶

oh.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Um...

Wow.

I am wildly saddened
by my, uh, intense...

[ Laughs ] Lack of game
right now.

I can't believe
I didn't see that coming.

I... there was a time
when I would've been all,

"that's right.
I know it's me."

But right now,
I'm just like, uh,

"uh..." [ Laughs ]

'Cause, uh, you looking at me
like that...[ Inhales deeply ]

You are gorgeous, by the way.
Uh...

Do people just tell you that
all the time?

[ Laughing ]
Because you are gorgeous.

I'm not.

Am I?

No.

Am I?

No. Wait. No, no. Wait, wait.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Not into women?

No, no, no. I am, totally.

Women. Men. People, really.

I'm just... I'm just...
I'm just...

I'm just not really shopping
right now.

I'm... I'm divorced.

And it's...[ Chuckles ]
Was recent and painful

and brutal.

Brutal, actually.

[ Exhales deeply ]

Well, if you wanna forget
for just a little while,

I fly out tomorrow.

Doesn't have to be anything more
than one night.

I would love...

¶ I think I'm in love ¶

I would love to love that.
I'm just not ready.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

¶ I think I'm in love ¶

¶ I think I'm in love ¶

w...

¶ again ¶

[ knocks on door ]

Hi, guys.
Hey.

You're here late.

Well, we're on a timeline.

I, uh, was taking a look
at Dr. wall's notes,

and I found
some contradictory information.

He was the second opinion?

Wall is where?

Case western.

Uh, he was third.

Mm.
He's radiation.

Right. Just getting my dates
straight.

What are all these?

Cases. Fetuses.

Each card represents a fetus
that I'm gonna

teach Robbins how to fix.

That I... Estimate we can get to
in the time I have.

And those?
Uh, these?

No. These are the ones
that I could save,

uh, if I had time.

You should just think of them
as babies who will die

if it turns out
that you're full of crap

and can't take out my tumor.

Ah. No pressure.

Oh, no. Pressure.

We're...
We're on a timeline here, right?

Try being me.

Okay. [ Chuckles ]

Woman: Dr. meadows,
labor and delivery.

Dr. meadows,
labor and delivery.

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Door opens and closes ]

Oh, good! You're home!

Just in time for dinner.

Smells good.

How was church?

[ Gasps ] The choir was there,

practicing for their service
tomorrow night.

Really beautiful.
We should all go to it.

Ah, I don't think

we'll know what we'll be up for
tomorrow, Karen.

Because of the test results?

April told me about the test,
and I told her

there's really no point
in even getting those results.

Excuse me?

God gives what he wants to give.

No test is going to change that.

[ Exhales deeply ]
And April's already so upset,
so stressed.

It's not good for the baby.

Just focus on loving
that sweet little baby.

That's all that matters.

No, that's definitely not
all that matters.

I know.

It's hard to understand
sometimes

how his plan will unfold.

Yeah, but I'm not worried
about his plan, am I?

I'm worried about our plan.

He never gives us
more than we can handle.

Getting the results,

being informed about
our baby's condition...

That's how we handle it.

I called our pastor at home.

April spoke to him at length.
He was very helpful.

April.

Me. Let me help you.

[ Sighs ] Whatever happens,
we will shoulder the burden

when it is placed upon us.

We will.

You and I.
We'll shoulder the burden.

She's just trying to help.

Is she, though?
Really? Is she helping?

Don't snap at her.

Don't talk to her in that tone.
What tone?

I'm not talking using a tone.
I'm trying to understand.

You're trying to talk
my little girl

into doing something
she knows in her heart and soul

she does not want to do.

I'm not trying to talk her
into anything.

I'm supporting her in trying to
make the best choice possible

for our baby, for her,
for our family.

This is between April
and her god.
[ Scoffs ] Okay.

And if you think
she is going to agree

to abort her child...
Our child!

You are...
get that straight.
It's our child.

Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it! Stop it!

None of this is helping!

You are not helping,
neither of you.

I am standing here,

listening to you tell me that
god only gives me one choice,

and you telling me that I should
forgo god's choice.

And the truth is,
I don't know anything

expect that I am scared and sad
and I'm alone.

You're both just standing there,

yelling at each other
and talking at me,

but I am alone,
and it is terrifying!

And the louder you get,
the more terrified I become,

so I just need you both
to just shut up!

Can you...
Can you do that?

Can you please... can you please
both just shut up?

[ Exhales shakily ]

[ Siren wailing ]

[ Printer continues whirring ]

What are you guys
still doing here?

We're solving a tumor
by 3-d printing it.

[ Sighs ] Yeah.

What are you still doing here?

Also solving a tumor.

Maybe you should 3-d print
your tumor.

[ Sighs ] Visibility
is not my problem.

I can see my tumor
in all its problematic glory,

and it's giving me
the middle finger

in front of Richard Webber
and a bunch of residents.

Where are the kids?

Upstairs.

Daycare. Nightcare.
Whatever care.

It's open 24 hours.

You know that's only
for surgeons on call, right?

Bailey, don't judge me.
Derek lives in D.C.

No, I'm saying if they ask you,

make up something about
being on call.

When I had my genome lab,
I was on call twice a week.

You all realize
that printing this thing

is gonna take, like,
five more hours?

7-ish.
7 hours and 20 minutes.

7 and a half.

I'm just saying you could go
home, sleep, and then come back.

Someone has to stay
in case the printer crashes.

[ Whirring continues ]

Plus, I don't mind.
I like the sound.

It's kinda soothing.

[ Sighs ]

It feels weird to sleep alone.

I'm not used to it.
I don't know why.

He used to go away all the time,

but this time, he's...

He's gone,

and I know he's gone.

And the bed feels lonely.

It's like I don't know how
to sleep alone.

You don't.

I mean, before three months ago,
any time I called your house

or came over or skyped
or whatever,

Cristina was there.

There's no way you ever slept
alone. I mean, you had Derek.

And if you didn't have Derek,
you had Cristina.

I'm guessing
if it came down to it,

you were, like, the middle spoon
in the middle of

a very weird spooning situation.

I've never met
a less alone person

than you used...

Used to be.

I have to learn to sleep alone.

Ben snores.

And he sometimes talks
in his sleep.

And he's hot.

Like... A furnace.

Like flames shootin' out of him.

He's lucky I love him.

And he's a resident
and hardly home at night.

Or he'd be dead.

Woman: ¶ I will be your... ¶

I miss sleeping
with a man in my bed.

You know,
facing away from each other,

barely touching expect for just
the arm thrown over your waist.

When I'd wake up at night,

terrified of...

Me,

I liked knowing he was there

and I wasn't by myself.

¶ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

[ sighs ]

I cannot sleep with someone
lying next to me.

Literally cannot.

My one serious guy? Dean.

Dean just loved to spoon
and snuggle,

and I would just...
Lie there,

[ laughs ] Staring up silently,

counting the seconds
until he would fall asleep

and I could sneak off
to sleep on the sofa.

And then I'd sneak back into bed

before he woke up
in the morning.
[ Giggles ]

Yeah, people think that's a cute
story. It's not a cute story.

That sofa was hard as a rock.
I was exhausted.

Dean is a really sweet guy.

He's tall and kind.

Civil rights lawyer.

He's funny.

So when he proposed,
I explained to him

about the sleeping.

I said, "you know,

maybe you could sleep in a room
down the hall."

I wanted to sleep alone.

And what happened?

Well, he is now married

to someone who loves
to spoon and snuggle.

[ Chuckles ]

And I sleep like a baby
every night.

I might be too good
at being alone.

[ Sighs ]

¶ Ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ let the light back in ¶

maybe I could...[ Sighs ]
Print a Derek.

[ Whirring continues ]

Just for sleeping.

¶ Ooh ¶

¶ ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ let the light back in ¶

¶ ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

¶ ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ¶

[ crickets chirping ]

Hey, move your butt.

[ Chuckles ]

Hello again, cyclops.

Jo: It is crazy cool amazing.

It could not be more amazing.

Okay, hit me. What's next?

I think we can divide
the diaphragm

to resect
the pericardial component

of the tumor.

Maggie: But carefully.

We'll need to dissect
2 to 3 centimeters

proximal to the I.V.C. First
to control flow.

Yep, and then we can clamp

and create
the veno-venous bypass flap.

You sure you don't wanna do
a sternotomy?

Now you have something to say?
Where were you yesterday?

You should've showed me this.
Karev, what's your point?

Well...[ Sighs ] I would do
McGinn's technique

to access the chest
with less invasiveness

to avoid diaphragmatic hernia
postradiation.

[ Sighs ]

He's got a point.
Back to the beginning.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

¶¶¶

Meredith: Okay, so feel this
right here.

Okay, that's... What?

Like, 5 centimeters
superior to the renal vein?

Okay, but stop.

Close your eyes

and just feel.
Okay.

Because all we have to go on
is muscle memory.

Um, it's...
2 fingerbreadths

from the confluence
of the hepatic veins.

And then we anastomose
the bifurcated graft.

Bailey?
Yeah.

Write that up.

¶¶¶

you're their board bitch.

You're jealous, aren't you?
No.

A little.

Wilson!
Oh, yeah. Uh, on it.

¶¶¶

okay, my finger is in
the foramen of winslow.

Bailey, can you feel me?

Yeah, I'm right behind you.

I can feel the edge
of the lesser omentum.

I think that gives me
enough space

to control the porta hepatis.

Mm-hmm.

Yes. Yes. I can palpate
a good window.

Good. That works.

[ Cell phone chimes
and vibrates ]

No.
All right, what next?

There is no next.

The wound-v.A.C.
Has frank blood.

She's bleeding. We have to
get her up to the O.R.

You need
an extra set of hands?
Yes. Wilson's.

Take that white board. Bring it
up where everyone can see it.

We haven't even gotten to the
retroperitoneal dissection yet.

We will when we get up there.
We'll figure it out as we go.

You are coming with me.

I'm into the retrohepatic area.
More suction.

Jo: Okay, then you're on
to step two.

Step two... access
the pericardial I.V.C.

Bailey, a little more
retraction?

Okay, I'm at the pericardium.

Well, it branches 2 centimeters
in either direction,

so you're close.

Damn it.
Adhesions here, too.

Meredith: There's
too much blood. Suction!

I need to do a partial resection
of the liver,

but I just can't see to do it.
[ Suction gurgling ]

Same problem up here. Can I get
some more suction, please?

Should we control
the hepatic veins

and resect part of the liver?
I'm trying.

I think that's the only way.

But without visibility,
I might hit a major vessel.

Pierce?

I can't see the field.

Yeah, I can't see anything.

Crap. They're drowning.

I'm not sure the model's
gonna help them.

It's not telling them any more
than the scans did.

And they still can't
see enough to...

The model is how they'll see,

without adhesions and bleeding
in the way.

How the pieces relate
to her anatomy.

It's the big picture.

Oh, my god.

I get it.

You're welcome.

[ Sighs deeply ]

How's it coming?

You know, by millimeters.

Your notebook-wielding minions
got bored

and ditched me
for another tumor.

Well, I thought you might
need this.

Are you keeping tabs on me?

Is that what's happening?

No. Why would you say that?

Because you might be worried
about me,

and that I...
[ Inhales deeply ]

Have decided I can do something
that cannot be done

just so that I can prove
that I am okay

and that I deserve to be here.

That I'm overreaching.

Should I be keeping tabs on you?

[ Scoffs ] I mean,

you saw the look on those
residents' faces yesterday.

They think that I am
certifiable.

And...[ Laughs ]
Why shouldn't they?

Why should I think
that I can do this?

Why shouldn't I think that
I'm gonna kill this woman

and all those little babies
with her?

You are not doing that. No.

Nobody thinks
that this can work.

No one understands it.

You were talking way over
those residents' heads.

And you think so fast
it made my eyes spin.

But you have a plan.

And just because you're the only
one that can see the endgame

doesn't mean that you're wrong.

It just means it's lonely.

And scary.

You'd be a fool
if you weren't scared.

[ Blows air ]

I'm-a leave you be.

Ugh. don't. Then I'll be alone
with this thing.

[ Inhales deeply ]

What you were talking about
yesterday...

The whole big, beautiful body?

Um, I think I get it.

I think.

So you do the fluoroscein first.

Tell me why.

So you can keep an eye
on the pituitary stalk

even though
you're nowhere near it.

Because?

Because...

You want to appreciate
the whole thing at once.

Right?
Yes.

Thank you.

You can go now.

Steph: [ Chuckles ]

Meredith: Oh, there. Got it.
Just ligated the hepatic veins.

What's next?

Okay, you just controlled
the lower end of the tumor,

so...
[ Suction gurgling ]

That's as far as you got.
That's the last step.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, so next we...

Dissect around the diaphragm.
Finish my dissection
retroperitoneally.

Uh, that's...
Two ways to go.

[ Monitor beeping rapidly ]
Her heart can't handle
all the clamping.

Whatever we do,
we have to do it now.

You mean cut blind?

No. Wait. Jo, bring the cyclops
over here.

On it.
Bring it over here,

hold it up, turn it slowly.

Okay, so we're gonna anastomose
the graft to the lower end.

And then I'll start
from the upper end, yeah.

Okay.

Find me.

I am at the diaphragm.

6-oh prolene and graft stat.

I'm on top of
the right hepatic vein.

This is where we cut,
right here.

That's my finger.

Oh. Okay.

No, it's, uh...

Got it. Here. It extends
10cm off where the veins meet.

Right? This is it.
This is it right here.

This is where we cut right here.

How much do you trust
that thing?

I'll let you know in a second.
Metz.

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Monitor continues
beeping rapidly ]

No excess bleeding.

Not any more than before.

Your dissection was flawless.

Then she's comin' out.

Okay, cyclops,
show me that ugly face.

[ Squishing ]

Ugh! So gross
and so freaking cool! [ Laughs ]

Oh! Got some bleeders!

Beautiful bleeders,
right where we can see them.

Jetta: ¶ running through
the black night ¶

¶ I'm sure
I had the green light ¶

¶ car ran over ¶

¶ I thought that I would die ¶

¶ then from the X-ray ¶

¶ back to the rat race ¶

oh! [ Sighs deeply ]

She was...
Really pretty.

The... Woman.

At the bar.
Oh.

With the nice transducers.

Ugh. I'm not ready.

You gotta start sometime.

Owen...[ Chuckles ]

The last woman that I kissed
in that bar,

I ended up marrying.

Well, maybe just
take the next one home then.

Uh...
Right?

Shut up.
[ Laughs ]

Hey, you're not ready either.

You know,
I can't even imagine it.

[ Exhales deeply ] Mm.
It's sex.

Sure, you know, I've gone out
and had one-night stands before.

Mm-hmm.
But...

[ Inhales sharply ]
I don't know.

I can't...

Something real?

I pulled that icicle
out of her chest.

Hell, I-I bathed her when
she couldn't bathe herself.

I can't imagine belonging
to anyone like that again.

Have we used up all our happy?

¶ I pay a high price ¶

you ever afraid of that,
that this is all there is now?

It's like I had
a certain amount of happy

that was supposed to last
my whole life,

and I've used it all up.

Do you think that's true?

God, I hope not.
Huh.

Meredith: The last true hermit
was found

and dragged out of hiding
and into the world.

Most might find
his existence sad,

but the hermit knew
something we didn't.

[ Ringtone plays ]

Mm! Pause!

No!
[ Grunts ]

Oh! Steph's rocking neuro
with girl Shepherd.

She got assigned
her crazy tumor! Yeah!

Who taught you "pause"?

Oh, um, Grey told me about it
when we were scrubbing out.

Great rule. Now...

Unpause.

[ Grunts ]

¶ Time, it finally feels ¶

he knew that when
it comes down to it,

even when you're with someone...

[ Fan blades whirring ]

¶ Oh, whoa ¶

¶ oh, whoa, oh ¶

¶ oh, whoa ¶

or in the noisy rush
of people...
[ Air whooshing ]

¶ Oh, whoa, oh ¶

[ air turns off,
blades continue whirring ]

It's just you.

¶ Under the motel neon sign ¶

¶ room 105 ¶

the one you can count on...

¶ The back of the alley ¶

and lean on...

¶ You're wearing my coat ¶

and depend on.

[ Beep, dialing ]

It has to be you.

Hi.
Hey.

Is something wrong?

No.

Just... What are you doing?

Nothing.

Nothing. You?

I'm just lying in bed
with my tumor.

Aw! You brought it home.
[ Laughs ]

Can I see it?
Mm-hmm.

And once you figure that out...

[ Gasps ]

That's when being alone...

Well...

It's no 3-d husband,
but it's something.

It'll do for now.

[ Laughs ] Oh, my god.
I have to...

Becomes a choice.

¶ Like coming home ¶

[ inhales deeply ]

[ Exhales deeply ]

[ Door opens ]

[ Door closes ]

Um, it'll be a minute.

[ Whispers ] Okay.

What?

This is a big guns conversation,
isn't it?

[ Exhales sharply ]

Yeah.

[ Door closes ]

April, Jackson,

we have your test results.