Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 6, Episode 25 - Hawaiian Honeymoon - full transcript
Lisa cons Oliver into taking a fifth honeymoon together, this time in Hawaii. When they check into the honeymoon suite, they are unaware that the hotel manager's groovy daughter has also given her friends the suite. Since the suite has two bedrooms, the two couples simply have to avoid each other. This proves impossible.
(playful music)
(rooster crows)
- Oliver.
Oliver wake up, the
rooster is alarm clocking.
(audience laughter)
- Alarm clocking?
- Yes, I set his crow for 7:30.
- How do you set
a rooster's crow?
- Well you see
he has a little knob
on the back of
him that you just...
- Never mind.
- Oh Oliver, I had the
most marvelous dream.
I dreamt it was morning
and we woke up,
and you said, "Where
is my bathrobe?"
- Where is my bathrobe?
- Well in the dream
it was under the bed.
- Under the...
- [Woman] Tied to your suitcase.
(audience laughter)
- What the?
- And you said that
dreams never come true.
- Lisa why did you do this?
- Well I am not very good
in interpretating dreams
but I would say that
the reason your bathrobe
is tied to your suitcase
is that you don't forget it
when you pack for your trip.
- Lisa what kind of
a trip are you trying
to con me into taking?
- A honeymoon.
- We went on a honeymoon
when we were first married.
- But a thing like
that can't last forever.
(audience laughter)
- Look Lisa...
- If you don't want to go on
a regular, official honeymoon,
why don't we go on a
second honeymoon?
- We've already had
a second honeymoon
and a third, and a fourth.
- Well why don't
we make this a fifth?
Which is one of your
favorite kinds of bottles.
(audience laughter)
- Look Lisa I can't...
- Oliver, I know one of
the most romantical places
we can go to.
- Where is that?
- Well I'll give you a hint.
It's where all the
girls wear grass skirts
and they do this dance
where they shake their alohas.
And all their fellows
ride on their surfbroads.
(audience laughter)
- Surfbroads?
- Yes, can you
guess where it is?
- Oh yes!
And I'd love to go there.
But I don't think we could get
a visa to travel
in to East Berlin.
(audience laughter)
(playful music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm-livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Good-bye, city life
♪ Green acres, we are there
(luau ukulele music)
- Nice to have you
back Mrs. Grace.
- Oh thank you.
And remember me
to your Father, Pam.
- Yes I will.
Morning Molly.
- Oh aloha, Pam.
(speaks foreign language)
- Do you know
what you just said?
- [Molly] What?
- The top of your volcano
is full of coconut candy.
(audience laughter)
- Boy, Hawaiian is sure
a tough language to learn.
- Why are you
taking a course in it?
- I just feel I should do
something for my ethnics.
(audience laughter)
- My Father in his office?
- Oh no, he's eating
breakfast in the tiki room.
- Morning Dad.
- Ah, morning.
Would you like some breakfast?
- No thanks, I've eaten.
Oh guess who
checked into the hotel?
Marla Grayson.
- Ah, very pretty lady.
- And the first thing she did
after putting her jewels in
the safe was to ask about you.
- She's got nice jewels.
She's got nice legs too.
(audience laughter)
- Charlie?
- I said you'd call
her for cocktails.
- What time you gonna call her?
- I'm not going to call her.
- Big mistake,
those jewels are real.
So are her legs.
(audience laughter)
- Charlie would you...
- Dad, why do you
avoid Mrs. Grayson?
- Please, Pam.
- Aren't you ever gonna
get married again?
- Why should I?
- I need a Mother.
- You can have mine.
(audience laughter)
- That'll be all Charlie.
Thank you.
- Dad.
- Pam, I'd like to go
over these figures.
- Trying to figure out why
business was off 15% last month?
- How'd you know that?
That Dottie,
doesn't stop listening
in to my telephone
conversations.
- You know Dad, if you
want to boost business,
I have a couple of
really groovy ideas.
- Thank you, but I don't need
any help running this hotel.
- But...
- And if you don't
stop butting in,
back you go to England
to live with your Aunt again.
- Oh I'm only trying to help.
- That mail for me?
- Mm-hmm.
I was talking to Bill Miles,
the Public Relations man
from the airlines, and he said...
- Hmm, got a request
from the Shriner's
to have a convention
here, 300 people.
- You know what
happened when you had
the Shriner's convention
here last year?
The pool was full of fezzes.
(audience laughter)
I'd turn them down.
- You'd turn them down?
Pam a hotel cannot
exist without conventions.
- Well in my Business
Administration class...
- Which you are
going to be late for.
- I just want to tell you
what the Professor said.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Who's the telegram from?
- I thought you'd left.
- Who's Lisa Douglas?
- She wants me to reserve a
suite and a private surfbroad
for her husband.
(audience laughter)
- Surfbroad?
- Probably a
typographical error.
- What'll you do if it isn't?
(audience laughter)
- Goodbye again.
(slow playful music)
- Ah, Mr. Carter, you eat all
your breakfast this morning?
(audience laughter)
I'm so glad to see the
15% knock on the head
didn't kill your appetite.
(audience laughter)
(playful music)
(lively flute instrumentals)
- Hey Pam!
- Oh, hi Richard.
Hi Lily.
- Guess what?
We're getting married
tomorrow night.
- Really? Congratulations
that's great.
- I know.
- We want you to
come to the wedding.
- Oh just tell me where.
- We thought it'd be
romantic to have it
on the beach at Molokai Cove.
- Where you spending
your honeymoon?
- Oh Richard's friend
has a shack on the beach
that he's gonna lend
us from 8:00 to 4:00 AM.
- 8:00 to 4:00 AM?
- He's a bartender,
that's the shift he works.
(audience laughter)
- Well that's no way
to spend a honeymoon.
Hey, how would you two like
to spend your wedding night
in the honeymoon suite of
the Moana Rexford Hotel?
- We can't afford
anything like that.
- Won't cost you a cent.
You'll be my Father's guests.
- Don't you think you'd
better ask your Father first?
- Ah, you don't want
to worry about that.
If Dad were here he'd
offer it to you himself.
- But you will ask him?
- But of course!
(bell rings)
- Hey we'd better get to class.
- Okay, I'll see
you tomorrow night.
- Bye bye.
- Hi Dad.
- [Mr. Carter] Hi.
- Huh, having lunch?
- Yes.
(audience laughter)
- I had lunch.
- Had breakfast
too, yours and mine.
(audience laughter)
- Dad can I ask you a favor?
- It depends.
- It's not a very big favor.
- It never is.
- Well all I wanted to ask you
is if these two friends
of mine could come...
(lively band music)
- What is that?
- Oh I forgot to tell you
that the Three Coconuts
were coming for
an audition today.
(lively band music)
- Stop it.
Stop that!
(lively band music)
- Dad!
- Get your friends out of here.
- But Dad I thought it
would be a great idea to have
a live rock group in the lobby.
So that when the guests come...
- People come here for
a little peace and quiet.
- Well when I heard
them in school they were...
- Pam will you please
stop trying to do favors
for all your college friends.
(sighs)
I don't want to see another
one of them in this hotel.
- Well that's the end
of the honeymoon.
Unless...
- I can't do it Pam.
I just can't do it.
- [Pam] But nobody's reserved
the honeymoon suite have they?
- Well no but...
- Then there's no harm
in letting Lily and Richard
use it for one night.
- Pam you'd better
ask your Father.
- I can't, he's still smarting
from the Three Coconuts.
(audience laughter)
- Well...
- Molly do you want to see
Richard and Lily spend their
wedding night in
some beach shack,
and have to get out of bed
at four o'clock in the morning
because the bartender came home?
- What bartender?
- Please Molly just
give me the key.
- Oh.
(playful music)
- Oliver?
- Hmm.
- Do you think the
hotel understood
the telegram I send them?
- Why shouldn't they?
- Well I don't know Hawaiian
so I sent it in English.
(audience laughter)
- I think they'll
have an interpreter.
- When do we get there?
- A couple of hours.
- Do you want to play some gin?
- No thank you.
- Do you want to drink some gin?
(audience laughter)
- No.
- Well everything alright folks?
- He's not much fun since
he gave up drinking gin.
- Lisa...
Aren't you Jack Skylar?
- Oliver, Oliver
Douglas, how are ya?
- Lisa this is Jack Skylar, we
flew together during the war.
- Oh, are you flying
the plane now Jack?
- Well yes.
- Then who's holding the shtick?
(audience laughter)
- Shtick?
Oh the co-pilot.
- Has he got a shtick license?
(audience laughter)
- You always did go for
the dodo's didn't ya, hmm?
(audience laughter)
- What did he mean by that?
(slow luau music)
- [Officiant] Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
to join this man and
woman in holy matrimony.
Lily, do you take Richard to
be your lawful wedded husband?
- I do.
- [Officiant] And
Richard, do you take Lily
to be your lawful wedded wife?
- I do.
- Richard place this
ring on Lily's finger.
I now pronounce
you, man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(upbeat guitar
instrumental music)
- Oliver.
- Hmm what?
- I've been thinking.
When we get to the
hotel why don't we
take the honeymoon suite?
- What for?
- If you don't know what for,
we don't need the
honeymoon suite.
(audience laughter)
Oh come on Oliver
what do you say?
- Lisa if we'd gotten married
I'd be happy to take the
honeymoon suite but...
Any room will be good enough.
(audience laughter)
- Oliver!
I got a good idea.
Why don't we get married
before we get to the hotel
then it's going to be
like a real honeymoon.
(audience laughter)
- Lisa isn't it enough
that I agreed to take you
to Hawaii without
getting married?
(audience laughter)
- [Lisa] Oliver.
- Alright if it'll
make you happy.
We'll take the honeymoon suite.
- Do you think the stores will
be still open when we land?
I want to buy a black nightgown.
(audience laughter)
- Why?
Are you in mourning?
- Oh boy!
Now I wish we
weren't going to Hawaii.
(audience laughter)
Hi Jack!
- Hijack? (screams)
(slow ukulele music)
- [Pam] Hey!
- Do you know where Pam is?
- Pam is?
- Yeah.
- Uh, well... (buzzer)
Oh the switchboard.
- Where's Dottie?
- Oh she left early.
- Well answer that.
- [Man] This way please.
- Oh good evening
folks, may I help you?
- Oh yes, I'm Oliver Douglas.
This is my wife.
- Hello there.
- How do you do?
I'm Bob Carter, Manager
of the Moana Rexford.
We expected you earlier.
- Well the plane was late.
There was some nut
screaming and yelling.
(audience laughter)
- Well I'm glad
you finally got here.
- Did you reserve a nice
surfbroad for my husband?
(audience laughter)
- Well no I didn't you see...
- My wife meant surfboard.
- Oh well that I think
we can take care of.
- Oh good.
- Excuse me.
Molly this is Mr. and Mrs.
Douglas they have a reservation.
- Oh yes, we reserved a very
nice room on the third floor.
- Instead of that, we'd like
to have the honeymoon suite.
- The honeymoon suite?
- Well this isn't an
official honeymoon.
We didn't get married.
- You um...
- She means this time.
This is our fifth honeymoon.
(audience laughter)
- May I have the key to the
honeymoon suite please?
- The honeymoon suite?
- Yes, 1078.
(slow playful music)
- Come on.
(slow playful music)
The honeymoon suite.
With the choice of two bedrooms.
- Two?
- Some honeymoon couples
come equipped with families.
(audience laughter)
Come and look around.
(slow music)
- Oh it's beautiful Pam.
- Well I guess
you two are tired.
Like to go to bed, or watch
television, or something.
(audience laughter)
- Thanks Pam.
- Thanks.
- Good night.
(slow playful music)
- Here we are.
Pam what are you doing here?
- Oh I was just checking to
see that everything was alright.
- Oh!
Well this is my daughter Pamela.
This is Mr. and Mrs. Douglas.
- Hello dear.
- How do you do?
It's very nice to meet you.
- She speaks with an accident.
(audience laughter)
- Look who's talking of
speaking with an accident.
(audience laughter)
- My daughter was raised
and educated in England.
- Oh!
- Mr. and Mrs. Douglas
have rented this suite.
- Oh I'm sorry to hear that.
- Huh?
- I mean I'm sorry they didn't
take the room they'd reserved.
It's much nicer.
- The suite has two bedrooms.
- Oh Daddy no they
wouldn't like that one.
- Why not?
- Well you know how damp
that one gets this time of year.
I'm sure it wouldn't do
Mr. Douglas's rheumatism any good.
- Oliver, isn't that
thoughtful of her?
- Ah thoughtful, I don't
have any rheuma...
- This one's much nicer.
(slow playful music)
- Oh Oliver.
Oh it's lovely!
- It has a nice balcony
overlooking the ocean.
Mr. Douglas can sit
out there in the sun.
It'll be so good
for his arthritis.
- Oh he has rheumatism.
(audience laughter)
- I don't have...
- Pam will you
please go downstairs.
- Yes.
Excuse me.
Put those in there Joe
before they change their mind.
- Right.
(slow playful music)
- [Bob] (laughs)
No trouble at all.
I'll take care of it as
soon as I get downstairs.
(slow playful music)
(upbeat tambourine
instrumental music)
- I've got to get
them out of there.
(telephone ringing)
Why don't they answer?
- Well if you were on your
honeymoon would you?
(audience laughter)
(telephone ringing)
- Hello.
- Pack your clothes
and get out of there fast.
- Hello.
Hello!
- Who was that?
- I don't know.
Somebody said, to
pack and get out of here.
- I told you we should
have gotten married.
(audience laughter)
- Oh that's a...
- Oh I don't know
what it is with you.
The house stick always
spots you right away.
(audience laughter)
- For the love...
- Oliver why don't we order some
champagne and caviar, hmm?
- Oh good idea.
(buzzing)
- Oh it's 1078.
- Aren't you packed yet?
- This is Mr. Douglas.
- Oh I'm sorry, may I help you?
- Can you connect me
with room service please?
- I'll take care of it.
What would you like?
- Molly.
Molly!
- Oh yes Mr. Carter?
- Have you seen Pam?
- Pam who?
(audience laughter)
- My daughter.
- Well it seems to me I
just saw her somewhere.
(audience laughter)
- Well if you see her, tell
her to come to my office.
- Yes sir.
(slow guitar
instrumentals music)
Your Father wants you...
- I heard him.
- Where are you going?
- I've got to take some caviar
and champagne up to 1078.
(slow ukulele music)
(knocking)
- Oh hi Pam.
- Richard you and Lily must...
- Champagne and caviar?
Oh Pam you didn't
have to do this.
Thanks very much.
- Oh no, no.
No Richard, no that's not.
- Yes?
- Peace.
(audience laughter)
- Did you want something?
- Yes I just wondered if
you had enough ashtrays?
- We don't smoke.
- Well then I guess
you do have enough.
(audience laughter)
Good night!
- Good night.
(slow guitar music)
- Oliver, it's been
over a half an hour.
Didn't the champagne
get here yet?
- No.
- Well why didn't
you call again?
- Oh they'll bring it.
(lively rock music)
(door slams)
There that must be room service.
(lively rock music)
What the?
- What's that?
- [Oliver] A half a
bottle of champagne
and some half-eaten caviar.
- Is it cheaper this way?
(audience laughter)
- Well I didn't or...
(buzzer)
- May I help you?
- Yes this is Mr. Douglas.
I called room service
and they brought up
a half a bottle of champagne
and some partially eaten caviar.
- Well isn't that the
way you ordered it sir?
(audience laughter)
- No I (sighs)
Could I talk to the
Manager please?
- Molly.
- It's Mr. Douglas, he
wants to talk to the Manager.
- Plug me in.
Managers office may I help you?
- This is Mr. Douglas.
I'd like to talk to the Manager.
- Well I'm afraid he
isn't here right now.
- I have a half a
bottle of champagne
and some caviar
that's been eaten...
- Oh leave it outside the door
and the maid will pick
it up in the morning.
(audience laughter)
- (sighs) Look please, would
you let me talk to the Manager?
- I've told you the Manager
is not here right now.
- Oh yes he is.
- Hello this is Bob Carter.
- This is Mr. Douglas in 1078.
There's something very
strange going on here.
- I'll be right up.
(upbeat music)
- Where are you going?
- Up to 1078.
- But that's the
honeymoon suite.
You can't go up there
at this time of night.
- Pam I don't know
what is going on here.
But I'm sure that
when I find out
it's going to have
something to do with you.
- But Dad.
- Let go of my arm.
- Oh Mrs. Grayson, Dad was
just on his way up to get you.
- I was not.
- You were to.
He's going to take you to
the tiki room for a cocktail.
- Oh well isn't that sweet.
- Well no listen I can't...
- Well I'd tell you it's
a little late for cocktails
but I'd love to have
a nightcap with you.
- Yes but I have to...
- I'll take care of 1078.
Have fun.
- Thank you.
- Manager's on his way up.
- Is he going to throw us out?
(audience laughter)
- Why should he throw us out?
- I thought I heard voices.
- Well...
No wonder you wanted a
suite with two bedrooms.
You've got girls stashed
away in every room.
(audience laughter)
- I don't even know who...
- You ought to take it
easy with your arthritis.
(audience laughter)
- Rheumatism.
- What's going on here?
- This happens to be our suite.
- Richard, you and Lily
have just got to get out of here
before, oh I see
you've already met.
- Yes would you mind explaining
what these people
are doing here?
- Explain?
- Yes.
- Well, Richard and
Lily just got married,
and they were going to
spend their honeymoon
with this bartender.
- That's who he wanted to
spend his honeymoon with.
(audience laughter)
- Well since they couldn't
afford a real honeymoon,
I said they could
use the suite here.
Because I didn't know
you were going to take it.
- Ah! (laughs)
Well I understand.
- We don't want to
get Pam in trouble.
We'll pack our things
and get right out.
- Why do you have to do that?
There are two bedrooms.
- We couldn't...
- Oh why not?
Here you be our guests.
- Well...
- I tell you what,
we'll all have breakfast
together in the morning.
But not too early.
(slow luau instrumental music)
- The next time you
bring any of your friends
into this hotel.
- The Douglas's didn't mind Dad.
They were quite happy about it.
- They could have started
a lot of trouble for the hotel
if they'd wanted to.
- I don't why you're so grouchy.
Everything worked out just fine.
- Luckily.
- Oh by the way,
how was your evening
with Mrs. Grayson?
- And that's another thing,
stay out of my love life.
(audience laughter)
- I'm sorry.
Guess I've done it again.
- You certainly have.
- I don't mean to meddle.
- But you do.
Why don't you just relax?
And try not to help me.
It's too much of a strain.
(audience laughter)
- Well if that's the
way you want it?
- That's the way I want it.
- Okay, from now
on I promise not to...
(telephone rings)
- Hello.
What?
Porpoises?
I didn't order any porpoises.
What?
Oh wait a second.
Young lady.
(audience laughter)
Do you know anything
about three live porpoises
who's just been
delivered to this hotel?
- Oh them?
(audience laughter)
Well you see Dad, I met
this man and he was stuck
with these porpoises, so I
thought it would be a great
publicity idea for the...
- Where are you
going to put them?
- In the swimming pool?
(audience laughter)
- I'll call you back.
(laughs)
In the swimming. (laughs)
(lively music)
(playful music)
(rooster crows)
- Oliver.
Oliver wake up, the
rooster is alarm clocking.
(audience laughter)
- Alarm clocking?
- Yes, I set his crow for 7:30.
- How do you set
a rooster's crow?
- Well you see
he has a little knob
on the back of
him that you just...
- Never mind.
- Oh Oliver, I had the
most marvelous dream.
I dreamt it was morning
and we woke up,
and you said, "Where
is my bathrobe?"
- Where is my bathrobe?
- Well in the dream
it was under the bed.
- Under the...
- [Woman] Tied to your suitcase.
(audience laughter)
- What the?
- And you said that
dreams never come true.
- Lisa why did you do this?
- Well I am not very good
in interpretating dreams
but I would say that
the reason your bathrobe
is tied to your suitcase
is that you don't forget it
when you pack for your trip.
- Lisa what kind of
a trip are you trying
to con me into taking?
- A honeymoon.
- We went on a honeymoon
when we were first married.
- But a thing like
that can't last forever.
(audience laughter)
- Look Lisa...
- If you don't want to go on
a regular, official honeymoon,
why don't we go on a
second honeymoon?
- We've already had
a second honeymoon
and a third, and a fourth.
- Well why don't
we make this a fifth?
Which is one of your
favorite kinds of bottles.
(audience laughter)
- Look Lisa I can't...
- Oliver, I know one of
the most romantical places
we can go to.
- Where is that?
- Well I'll give you a hint.
It's where all the
girls wear grass skirts
and they do this dance
where they shake their alohas.
And all their fellows
ride on their surfbroads.
(audience laughter)
- Surfbroads?
- Yes, can you
guess where it is?
- Oh yes!
And I'd love to go there.
But I don't think we could get
a visa to travel
in to East Berlin.
(audience laughter)
(playful music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm-livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Good-bye, city life
♪ Green acres, we are there
(luau ukulele music)
- Nice to have you
back Mrs. Grace.
- Oh thank you.
And remember me
to your Father, Pam.
- Yes I will.
Morning Molly.
- Oh aloha, Pam.
(speaks foreign language)
- Do you know
what you just said?
- [Molly] What?
- The top of your volcano
is full of coconut candy.
(audience laughter)
- Boy, Hawaiian is sure
a tough language to learn.
- Why are you
taking a course in it?
- I just feel I should do
something for my ethnics.
(audience laughter)
- My Father in his office?
- Oh no, he's eating
breakfast in the tiki room.
- Morning Dad.
- Ah, morning.
Would you like some breakfast?
- No thanks, I've eaten.
Oh guess who
checked into the hotel?
Marla Grayson.
- Ah, very pretty lady.
- And the first thing she did
after putting her jewels in
the safe was to ask about you.
- She's got nice jewels.
She's got nice legs too.
(audience laughter)
- Charlie?
- I said you'd call
her for cocktails.
- What time you gonna call her?
- I'm not going to call her.
- Big mistake,
those jewels are real.
So are her legs.
(audience laughter)
- Charlie would you...
- Dad, why do you
avoid Mrs. Grayson?
- Please, Pam.
- Aren't you ever gonna
get married again?
- Why should I?
- I need a Mother.
- You can have mine.
(audience laughter)
- That'll be all Charlie.
Thank you.
- Dad.
- Pam, I'd like to go
over these figures.
- Trying to figure out why
business was off 15% last month?
- How'd you know that?
That Dottie,
doesn't stop listening
in to my telephone
conversations.
- You know Dad, if you
want to boost business,
I have a couple of
really groovy ideas.
- Thank you, but I don't need
any help running this hotel.
- But...
- And if you don't
stop butting in,
back you go to England
to live with your Aunt again.
- Oh I'm only trying to help.
- That mail for me?
- Mm-hmm.
I was talking to Bill Miles,
the Public Relations man
from the airlines, and he said...
- Hmm, got a request
from the Shriner's
to have a convention
here, 300 people.
- You know what
happened when you had
the Shriner's convention
here last year?
The pool was full of fezzes.
(audience laughter)
I'd turn them down.
- You'd turn them down?
Pam a hotel cannot
exist without conventions.
- Well in my Business
Administration class...
- Which you are
going to be late for.
- I just want to tell you
what the Professor said.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
Who's the telegram from?
- I thought you'd left.
- Who's Lisa Douglas?
- She wants me to reserve a
suite and a private surfbroad
for her husband.
(audience laughter)
- Surfbroad?
- Probably a
typographical error.
- What'll you do if it isn't?
(audience laughter)
- Goodbye again.
(slow playful music)
- Ah, Mr. Carter, you eat all
your breakfast this morning?
(audience laughter)
I'm so glad to see the
15% knock on the head
didn't kill your appetite.
(audience laughter)
(playful music)
(lively flute instrumentals)
- Hey Pam!
- Oh, hi Richard.
Hi Lily.
- Guess what?
We're getting married
tomorrow night.
- Really? Congratulations
that's great.
- I know.
- We want you to
come to the wedding.
- Oh just tell me where.
- We thought it'd be
romantic to have it
on the beach at Molokai Cove.
- Where you spending
your honeymoon?
- Oh Richard's friend
has a shack on the beach
that he's gonna lend
us from 8:00 to 4:00 AM.
- 8:00 to 4:00 AM?
- He's a bartender,
that's the shift he works.
(audience laughter)
- Well that's no way
to spend a honeymoon.
Hey, how would you two like
to spend your wedding night
in the honeymoon suite of
the Moana Rexford Hotel?
- We can't afford
anything like that.
- Won't cost you a cent.
You'll be my Father's guests.
- Don't you think you'd
better ask your Father first?
- Ah, you don't want
to worry about that.
If Dad were here he'd
offer it to you himself.
- But you will ask him?
- But of course!
(bell rings)
- Hey we'd better get to class.
- Okay, I'll see
you tomorrow night.
- Bye bye.
- Hi Dad.
- [Mr. Carter] Hi.
- Huh, having lunch?
- Yes.
(audience laughter)
- I had lunch.
- Had breakfast
too, yours and mine.
(audience laughter)
- Dad can I ask you a favor?
- It depends.
- It's not a very big favor.
- It never is.
- Well all I wanted to ask you
is if these two friends
of mine could come...
(lively band music)
- What is that?
- Oh I forgot to tell you
that the Three Coconuts
were coming for
an audition today.
(lively band music)
- Stop it.
Stop that!
(lively band music)
- Dad!
- Get your friends out of here.
- But Dad I thought it
would be a great idea to have
a live rock group in the lobby.
So that when the guests come...
- People come here for
a little peace and quiet.
- Well when I heard
them in school they were...
- Pam will you please
stop trying to do favors
for all your college friends.
(sighs)
I don't want to see another
one of them in this hotel.
- Well that's the end
of the honeymoon.
Unless...
- I can't do it Pam.
I just can't do it.
- [Pam] But nobody's reserved
the honeymoon suite have they?
- Well no but...
- Then there's no harm
in letting Lily and Richard
use it for one night.
- Pam you'd better
ask your Father.
- I can't, he's still smarting
from the Three Coconuts.
(audience laughter)
- Well...
- Molly do you want to see
Richard and Lily spend their
wedding night in
some beach shack,
and have to get out of bed
at four o'clock in the morning
because the bartender came home?
- What bartender?
- Please Molly just
give me the key.
- Oh.
(playful music)
- Oliver?
- Hmm.
- Do you think the
hotel understood
the telegram I send them?
- Why shouldn't they?
- Well I don't know Hawaiian
so I sent it in English.
(audience laughter)
- I think they'll
have an interpreter.
- When do we get there?
- A couple of hours.
- Do you want to play some gin?
- No thank you.
- Do you want to drink some gin?
(audience laughter)
- No.
- Well everything alright folks?
- He's not much fun since
he gave up drinking gin.
- Lisa...
Aren't you Jack Skylar?
- Oliver, Oliver
Douglas, how are ya?
- Lisa this is Jack Skylar, we
flew together during the war.
- Oh, are you flying
the plane now Jack?
- Well yes.
- Then who's holding the shtick?
(audience laughter)
- Shtick?
Oh the co-pilot.
- Has he got a shtick license?
(audience laughter)
- You always did go for
the dodo's didn't ya, hmm?
(audience laughter)
- What did he mean by that?
(slow luau music)
- [Officiant] Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here
to join this man and
woman in holy matrimony.
Lily, do you take Richard to
be your lawful wedded husband?
- I do.
- [Officiant] And
Richard, do you take Lily
to be your lawful wedded wife?
- I do.
- Richard place this
ring on Lily's finger.
I now pronounce
you, man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
(upbeat guitar
instrumental music)
- Oliver.
- Hmm what?
- I've been thinking.
When we get to the
hotel why don't we
take the honeymoon suite?
- What for?
- If you don't know what for,
we don't need the
honeymoon suite.
(audience laughter)
Oh come on Oliver
what do you say?
- Lisa if we'd gotten married
I'd be happy to take the
honeymoon suite but...
Any room will be good enough.
(audience laughter)
- Oliver!
I got a good idea.
Why don't we get married
before we get to the hotel
then it's going to be
like a real honeymoon.
(audience laughter)
- Lisa isn't it enough
that I agreed to take you
to Hawaii without
getting married?
(audience laughter)
- [Lisa] Oliver.
- Alright if it'll
make you happy.
We'll take the honeymoon suite.
- Do you think the stores will
be still open when we land?
I want to buy a black nightgown.
(audience laughter)
- Why?
Are you in mourning?
- Oh boy!
Now I wish we
weren't going to Hawaii.
(audience laughter)
Hi Jack!
- Hijack? (screams)
(slow ukulele music)
- [Pam] Hey!
- Do you know where Pam is?
- Pam is?
- Yeah.
- Uh, well... (buzzer)
Oh the switchboard.
- Where's Dottie?
- Oh she left early.
- Well answer that.
- [Man] This way please.
- Oh good evening
folks, may I help you?
- Oh yes, I'm Oliver Douglas.
This is my wife.
- Hello there.
- How do you do?
I'm Bob Carter, Manager
of the Moana Rexford.
We expected you earlier.
- Well the plane was late.
There was some nut
screaming and yelling.
(audience laughter)
- Well I'm glad
you finally got here.
- Did you reserve a nice
surfbroad for my husband?
(audience laughter)
- Well no I didn't you see...
- My wife meant surfboard.
- Oh well that I think
we can take care of.
- Oh good.
- Excuse me.
Molly this is Mr. and Mrs.
Douglas they have a reservation.
- Oh yes, we reserved a very
nice room on the third floor.
- Instead of that, we'd like
to have the honeymoon suite.
- The honeymoon suite?
- Well this isn't an
official honeymoon.
We didn't get married.
- You um...
- She means this time.
This is our fifth honeymoon.
(audience laughter)
- May I have the key to the
honeymoon suite please?
- The honeymoon suite?
- Yes, 1078.
(slow playful music)
- Come on.
(slow playful music)
The honeymoon suite.
With the choice of two bedrooms.
- Two?
- Some honeymoon couples
come equipped with families.
(audience laughter)
Come and look around.
(slow music)
- Oh it's beautiful Pam.
- Well I guess
you two are tired.
Like to go to bed, or watch
television, or something.
(audience laughter)
- Thanks Pam.
- Thanks.
- Good night.
(slow playful music)
- Here we are.
Pam what are you doing here?
- Oh I was just checking to
see that everything was alright.
- Oh!
Well this is my daughter Pamela.
This is Mr. and Mrs. Douglas.
- Hello dear.
- How do you do?
It's very nice to meet you.
- She speaks with an accident.
(audience laughter)
- Look who's talking of
speaking with an accident.
(audience laughter)
- My daughter was raised
and educated in England.
- Oh!
- Mr. and Mrs. Douglas
have rented this suite.
- Oh I'm sorry to hear that.
- Huh?
- I mean I'm sorry they didn't
take the room they'd reserved.
It's much nicer.
- The suite has two bedrooms.
- Oh Daddy no they
wouldn't like that one.
- Why not?
- Well you know how damp
that one gets this time of year.
I'm sure it wouldn't do
Mr. Douglas's rheumatism any good.
- Oliver, isn't that
thoughtful of her?
- Ah thoughtful, I don't
have any rheuma...
- This one's much nicer.
(slow playful music)
- Oh Oliver.
Oh it's lovely!
- It has a nice balcony
overlooking the ocean.
Mr. Douglas can sit
out there in the sun.
It'll be so good
for his arthritis.
- Oh he has rheumatism.
(audience laughter)
- I don't have...
- Pam will you
please go downstairs.
- Yes.
Excuse me.
Put those in there Joe
before they change their mind.
- Right.
(slow playful music)
- [Bob] (laughs)
No trouble at all.
I'll take care of it as
soon as I get downstairs.
(slow playful music)
(upbeat tambourine
instrumental music)
- I've got to get
them out of there.
(telephone ringing)
Why don't they answer?
- Well if you were on your
honeymoon would you?
(audience laughter)
(telephone ringing)
- Hello.
- Pack your clothes
and get out of there fast.
- Hello.
Hello!
- Who was that?
- I don't know.
Somebody said, to
pack and get out of here.
- I told you we should
have gotten married.
(audience laughter)
- Oh that's a...
- Oh I don't know
what it is with you.
The house stick always
spots you right away.
(audience laughter)
- For the love...
- Oliver why don't we order some
champagne and caviar, hmm?
- Oh good idea.
(buzzing)
- Oh it's 1078.
- Aren't you packed yet?
- This is Mr. Douglas.
- Oh I'm sorry, may I help you?
- Can you connect me
with room service please?
- I'll take care of it.
What would you like?
- Molly.
Molly!
- Oh yes Mr. Carter?
- Have you seen Pam?
- Pam who?
(audience laughter)
- My daughter.
- Well it seems to me I
just saw her somewhere.
(audience laughter)
- Well if you see her, tell
her to come to my office.
- Yes sir.
(slow guitar
instrumentals music)
Your Father wants you...
- I heard him.
- Where are you going?
- I've got to take some caviar
and champagne up to 1078.
(slow ukulele music)
(knocking)
- Oh hi Pam.
- Richard you and Lily must...
- Champagne and caviar?
Oh Pam you didn't
have to do this.
Thanks very much.
- Oh no, no.
No Richard, no that's not.
- Yes?
- Peace.
(audience laughter)
- Did you want something?
- Yes I just wondered if
you had enough ashtrays?
- We don't smoke.
- Well then I guess
you do have enough.
(audience laughter)
Good night!
- Good night.
(slow guitar music)
- Oliver, it's been
over a half an hour.
Didn't the champagne
get here yet?
- No.
- Well why didn't
you call again?
- Oh they'll bring it.
(lively rock music)
(door slams)
There that must be room service.
(lively rock music)
What the?
- What's that?
- [Oliver] A half a
bottle of champagne
and some half-eaten caviar.
- Is it cheaper this way?
(audience laughter)
- Well I didn't or...
(buzzer)
- May I help you?
- Yes this is Mr. Douglas.
I called room service
and they brought up
a half a bottle of champagne
and some partially eaten caviar.
- Well isn't that the
way you ordered it sir?
(audience laughter)
- No I (sighs)
Could I talk to the
Manager please?
- Molly.
- It's Mr. Douglas, he
wants to talk to the Manager.
- Plug me in.
Managers office may I help you?
- This is Mr. Douglas.
I'd like to talk to the Manager.
- Well I'm afraid he
isn't here right now.
- I have a half a
bottle of champagne
and some caviar
that's been eaten...
- Oh leave it outside the door
and the maid will pick
it up in the morning.
(audience laughter)
- (sighs) Look please, would
you let me talk to the Manager?
- I've told you the Manager
is not here right now.
- Oh yes he is.
- Hello this is Bob Carter.
- This is Mr. Douglas in 1078.
There's something very
strange going on here.
- I'll be right up.
(upbeat music)
- Where are you going?
- Up to 1078.
- But that's the
honeymoon suite.
You can't go up there
at this time of night.
- Pam I don't know
what is going on here.
But I'm sure that
when I find out
it's going to have
something to do with you.
- But Dad.
- Let go of my arm.
- Oh Mrs. Grayson, Dad was
just on his way up to get you.
- I was not.
- You were to.
He's going to take you to
the tiki room for a cocktail.
- Oh well isn't that sweet.
- Well no listen I can't...
- Well I'd tell you it's
a little late for cocktails
but I'd love to have
a nightcap with you.
- Yes but I have to...
- I'll take care of 1078.
Have fun.
- Thank you.
- Manager's on his way up.
- Is he going to throw us out?
(audience laughter)
- Why should he throw us out?
- I thought I heard voices.
- Well...
No wonder you wanted a
suite with two bedrooms.
You've got girls stashed
away in every room.
(audience laughter)
- I don't even know who...
- You ought to take it
easy with your arthritis.
(audience laughter)
- Rheumatism.
- What's going on here?
- This happens to be our suite.
- Richard, you and Lily
have just got to get out of here
before, oh I see
you've already met.
- Yes would you mind explaining
what these people
are doing here?
- Explain?
- Yes.
- Well, Richard and
Lily just got married,
and they were going to
spend their honeymoon
with this bartender.
- That's who he wanted to
spend his honeymoon with.
(audience laughter)
- Well since they couldn't
afford a real honeymoon,
I said they could
use the suite here.
Because I didn't know
you were going to take it.
- Ah! (laughs)
Well I understand.
- We don't want to
get Pam in trouble.
We'll pack our things
and get right out.
- Why do you have to do that?
There are two bedrooms.
- We couldn't...
- Oh why not?
Here you be our guests.
- Well...
- I tell you what,
we'll all have breakfast
together in the morning.
But not too early.
(slow luau instrumental music)
- The next time you
bring any of your friends
into this hotel.
- The Douglas's didn't mind Dad.
They were quite happy about it.
- They could have started
a lot of trouble for the hotel
if they'd wanted to.
- I don't why you're so grouchy.
Everything worked out just fine.
- Luckily.
- Oh by the way,
how was your evening
with Mrs. Grayson?
- And that's another thing,
stay out of my love life.
(audience laughter)
- I'm sorry.
Guess I've done it again.
- You certainly have.
- I don't mean to meddle.
- But you do.
Why don't you just relax?
And try not to help me.
It's too much of a strain.
(audience laughter)
- Well if that's the
way you want it?
- That's the way I want it.
- Okay, from now
on I promise not to...
(telephone rings)
- Hello.
What?
Porpoises?
I didn't order any porpoises.
What?
Oh wait a second.
Young lady.
(audience laughter)
Do you know anything
about three live porpoises
who's just been
delivered to this hotel?
- Oh them?
(audience laughter)
Well you see Dad, I met
this man and he was stuck
with these porpoises, so I
thought it would be a great
publicity idea for the...
- Where are you
going to put them?
- In the swimming pool?
(audience laughter)
- I'll call you back.
(laughs)
In the swimming. (laughs)
(lively music)
(playful music)