Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 6, Episode 16 - Son of Drobny - full transcript
The duck shipped to Lisa by her uncle is the son of Drobny, the heroic WWII fowl who saved her life when she was in the Hungarian underground. When the locals learn there's a war hero's son in town, they begin plotting an elaborate celebration in hopes of luring in tourists. As usual, they ignore Oliver's attempts to tell them that their guest of honor is just a duck.
(upbeat ensemble tones)
- Good morning.
- Hello, dear.
- What's that?
- What does it look like?
- It looks like you're
about to take a mud bath.
- It's hot cakes batter
with chocolate syrup.
- Yuck.
- Would you like to have some
sausages with your hotcakes?
- Yeah, that'll be fine.
- Hotcakes and
sausages are comin' up.
- On second thought, I think
I'll make myself some eggs.
- Mrs. Douglas?
- You dumb clod.
- Mr. Douglas.
What are you doing
hiding back there?
- I am not hiding, I was
going to cook some eggs.
- Why don't you use a bowl?
It's a lot neater than
breakin' 'em in your hand.
Mrs. Douglas, there's a letter
came for you from Budapest.
It's got the Royal Seal on it.
- Oh, then it must be
from my father, the King.
- Your father, the King?
- No, it's not from my father.
It's from the Crown
Prince, Uncle Yiannos.
This is a surprise.
- It sure is, I didn't know
Uncle Yiannos could write.
- Why that's the last
thing to say about
a man when he's sending
us a wedding present.
- What's he sending us?
- He doesn't say,
he just says it
will be arriving at
our estate soon.
- Our estate?
- And that we should instruct
our servants to
handle it with care.
- Servants, what's
he talking about?
- He ends with "Love to
you, my dear and as always,
"my best to your
husband, the Count."
- Golly, is Mr. Douglas a Count?
- Oh no, that was the fellow
my Uncle Yiannos
wanted me to marry.
If I told him whom
I really married,
he never would have
sent us a present.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat ensemble music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres, we are there
(upbeat ensemble music)
- I wonder what Uncle
Yiannos is sending us.
Maybe it's that oil painting
of my father in his King suit.
Or maybe it's a box of
assorted crown jewels.
- Lisa, I'm reading.
- What are you reading?
- It's called The
Finger of Suspicion.
- I didn't know you
were a Finger story fan.
- It's a murder mystery.
- Who did it?
- Well I don't know who did it.
I'm just getting
to the part where
the detective is about
to solve the crime.
- Why don't you
peek at the ending?
- I don't want to
peek at the ending.
- Do you want to talk about
Uncle Yiannos' present?
- No.
- What do you think
he's sending us?
- I just said I
didn't want to...
- Remember the last present
he sent us from Hungary?
- Yes, a large package
of dirty laundry.
- Well, some people like
to send important vines.
Uncle Yiannos likes to
send important laundry.
- Excuse me, huh, I've got,
oh for...
- What's the matter?
Didn't the fellow you
thought did it didn't did it?
- I don't know who
did it, I can't read it.
Somebody spilled some
marmalade on the page.
Who would do a thing like that?
- Mr. Douglas, I just,
oh, are you reading
The Finger of Suspicion?
- Yes, I...
- Do you know who did it?
- No, somebody spilled
marmalade on the last page.
- I'm sorry about
that, I tried to clean it.
I wiped off mode of the ade
but I couldn't do anything
about the marmal.
Anyway, you
didn't miss anything.
The ending will
still be a surprise.
- Oh good.
- Of course, it wasn't
a surprise to me.
I knew all along the murderer
was the guy with the lamp.
I guess you did too.
No, I guess you didn't.
- You miserable...
- Before you hit
me, I just came in to
tell you Uncle Yiannos'
present is outside.
- I don't understand,
who brought it?
- Nobody.
- Well then how did it get here?
- I guess it
walked in by itself.
- He guesses it walked here.
- There it goes.
- What the...
- That box must
be awfully tired.
It's a long walk from Budapest.
- It didn't walk
here from Budapest.
- There it goes again.
- Get the crowbar.
- What are you gonna
do, club it 'til it stands still?
- No, I'm gonna open it.
- Oliver, I think
that box likes you.
- This is ridiculous,
what could be in that...
- Here you are.
- I guess we're the only ones in
Hootersville who
has a walking box.
(tepid ensemble music)
What's in it?
- How do I know?
I haven't opened it yet.
- Maybe you'd
better not open it.
I saw this science
fiction picture once where
this guy got a moving
box and he opened it
and the Blob of Glurk came out.
It kept growing and pretty soon
it had covered the whole world.
- Our Uncle Yiannos wouldn't
send us a box of Glurk.
- [Oliver] Why not?
A man who would send
you his dirty laundry
would send you anything.
- What happened?
- It bit me.
- Then it can't be Glurk.
Glurk don't have any teeth.
- [Oliver] It's a duck.
- It's Drobney.
- Aren't you gonna
salute, Mr. Douglas?
- Why should I salute a duck?
- Why this isn't any
duck, this is Drobney.
But it can't be Drobney,
it must be his son.
- Would you mind telling
me who Drobney is?
- We served together in
the Hungarian
Underground during the war.
- You served with a duck?
- No, it must have
been his father.
Look, he is wearing his father's
medal, the Hungarian DDC.
- The Distinguished Duck Cross.
- Oh, you've heard of it?
- No, I never heard...
- How did Drobney get
his DDC, Mrs. Douglas?
- I remember it like
it was yesterday.
We were in the farmhouse
completely surrounded by Germans.
Things looked hopeless.
- Red Dog three,
this is Pussycat two.
Come in, Red Dog,
come in, Red Dog.
Sergeant Groenitz,
I can't raise General de
Gaulle's headquarters.
- Well try his
answering service.
(gunshot booms)
How is the ammunition
holding out?
- We have got three
rounds of bullets
and four rounds of those
meat balls you made for dinner.
I'm getting more hits
with the meat balls.
- Well there isn't time to make
anymore, they're closing in.
Take those in the kitchen and
I'll take care of the Germans.
Here, take this.
Hurry up, there you go.
(tepid ensemble music)
(singing in foreign language)
- This house is under... Oh.
Fraulein.
- Hello, dear.
- Excuse me, Fraulein.
We have a report that there are
Resistance people in this house.
- Do I look like I
have Resistance?
- Oh, you are alone, Liepschen?
- I am always alone,
it's my sister who
always goes to the war.
My mean stepmother
makes me stay at home
and clean up the house
and wear these old clothes,
which you might have
noticed are falling apart.
- Yeah well you're not alone
now, my little apple strudel.
- Not now, wait, there's
somebody coming.
Wait for me upstairs in
the attic, here take your gun.
There you are.
(singing in foreign language)
- You're under arrest.
Fraulein.
We have a report that
there are Resistance.
- Do I look like I
have any Resistance?
- No.
Are you alone?
- I am always alone.
It's always my sister
who gets to go to the war.
- Who cares about your sister?
- Not now, wait for
me upstairs in the attic.
Here take your
gun, there you are.
(upbeat ensemble tones)
(singing in foreign language)
- Ah, Fraulein
we had a report...
- I am all alone.
- Good.
- In the attic.
(upbeat ensemble tones)
- We still cannot get General
de Gaulle on the radio.
- There is only one way to
reach him, he's our only hope.
Corporal Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- What's he doing here?
I thought he was
still on furlough.
- He knew we needed him.
Drobney, take this message
to General de Gaulle.
You understand?
And remember, our
lives are in your feet.
- In the attic.
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Did Drobney get the message
to General de Gaulle in time?
- Before I could say
one more "in the attic,"
the General arrived
and saved us.
- Wow, what a story.
- Excuse an obvious question but
why didn't you use a carrier
pigeon to take the message?
- That's exactly what the
Germans thought we would do.
So while they were
looking up in the air,
Drobney walked right by them.
- Wow, what a duck.
Tell us about when the General
gave him his
medal, Mrs. Douglas.
- Nevermind that, look,
tell us what you did with
those Germans in the attic.
- Well, that's another story.
(duck quacking)
- Hi Sam.
- Oh, hi Haney.
- How about closing
up the store for
a half hour and sharing
a haircut with me?
- What do you mean
share a haircut?
- Well over at the barbershop,
they're having a sale.
Two haircuts for
the price of one.
Now of course I don't need
a haircut but since you do,
I thought I'd do the neighborly
thing and get in on yours.
- Well that's darn nice of
you but I don't need a haircut.
- Maybe you could
have your head waxed
and I could have
the free haircut.
- Haney, I can't
afford a wax, a haircut.
Business is terrible, that's
why I'm having this sale.
- Everybody in
town's having a sale
but what good does it do?
Nobody in the Valley
has any money.
- What we gotta do is figure
some way to attract
outside money here.
Remember the crowds that
used to flock in on weekends?
- Yeah, too bad Knute Kalle's
two-headed rooster died.
- There must be
another way to bring
people here besides
a two-headed rooster.
- What do you think about havin'
'em play the World Series here?
- The World Series?
- They could play
in Nutley's Alcove,
that holds close to 200 people.
- That's ridiculous.
- How about holding
the Olympics?
We never had them here.
- Never had who here?
- The Olympics.
- Oh, then you're
missin' something.
They're the best rock and
roll group west of Pecos.
Come to think of it,
West of the Pecos
isn't a bad group either.
- Hank, Haney is talkin'
about the Olympic Games.
- The Olympic Games,
have they got a guy
with electric hair and a
green beard on drums?
- We're trying to think of an
attraction that'll
bring people into town.
- Oh, how about
Sophia Loren on drums?
- Say, have you fellas
heard the big news?
- The Big News,
they're a good group too.
- What news, Eb?
- Drobney is staying
with the Douglases.
- Who is Drobney?
- He's the son of
a famous war hero.
His father was given the
DDC by General de Gaulle
for carrying a message through
a whole Division of Germans.
- Sam, I think this is
what we're looking for.
- They're going to have what?
- A Drobney day in Hooterville.
- That's the most
ridiculous... (duck quacking)
- Now you woke him
up with your yelling.
- I don't care...
- When everybody heard about
the son of a famous war hero
being in town, they decided
to have a celebration for him.
- He says he'll be there.
- It's gonna be a big thing.
- They had a Drobney day for
Drobney's father in Budapest.
- They do a lot of strange
things in Budapest.
- It was a big celebration.
They have the Bourgeois Ballet
and the Canadian
Mounties Marching Band.
- Well the Chamber of Commerce
has big plans for this one.
There's a meeting going on
right now in the high school.
(duck quacking)
- Eb, did you tell 'em
Drobney was a duck?
- No.
- Why not?
- They didn't ask.
- I better go straighten things
out before they go too far.
- Now here are the suggestions
the committee's made for
our Drobney day celebration.
The Bourgeois Ballet, the
Canadian Mounties Marching Band
and Carol Bakewell's
All-Girl Bell-Ringers.
- Mr. Drucker, I'd like to...
- You're out of order.
- Well I just want to
tell you something.
- Will you sit down?
- Look...
- This meeting is for
Chamber of Commerce
members and since
you're not a member,
you'll have to wait
your non-Chamber turn.
- We're trying to
bring money into town.
- Yes.
- Why don't you
find a friend and go
over to the barbershop
and get a haircut?
- I don't need a haircut.
- I think that since
Drobney's the son of
a Hungarian war hero,
we oughta get an American
war hero to give him
a personal welcome.
- Like who?
- Well there's only one great
American war hero I know.
- Yeah, John Wayne.
(audience laughs)
- It seems to me we oughta get
somebody important
like the Governor.
- I think we should
get a military man.
- How about the
Lieutenant-Governor?
- That's a good idea.
- The Lieutenant-Governor
isn't a military man.
- All those in favor of getting
the Lieutenant-Governor,
raise their hands.
Motion's carried, well I guess
that about wraps things up.
- Wait a minute,
you can't have this
celebration for Drobney.
- What's the matter, you got
something against war heroes?
- Of course not but...
- Didn't your wife tell
you how Drobney's
father got that message
to General de Gaulle?
- Yes, but...
- Did she tell you what happened
with those Germans in her attic?
- I didn't come here to talk
about the Germans
in my wife's attic.
Well I mean, I...
- I hear this
Drobney is the son of
the Count that your wife
was madly in love with.
- He's not the son of any
Count, Drobney's a dumb duck.
- And you ain't got no call
to bad-mouth a war hero.
- My humblest apologies,
have your Drobney day.
Get the Lieutenant-Governor.
I'm sure he'll be thrilled to
meet your guest of honor.
- When is the
Lieutenant-Governor's plane due?
- It just landed.
He'll be comin' through the
gate in a couple of minutes.
- Hello there.
- Gentlemen,
you've got a beautiful
day for your celebration.
- Nevermind that,
where is Drobney?
- He went in the,
to wash his feet.
- Well I'd better get him.
- The Lieutenant-Governor's
gettin' off the plane.
- Where is Drobney?
- There's nobody in there
but a duck washing his feet.
- That's Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- Mr. Douglas, what
kind of a joke is this?
- It's no joke, ask my wife.
- That is Drobney.
Well, the son of Drobney's.
- Excuse me, I'm
Lieutenant-Governor Clyde.
Are you gentlemen the welcoming
committee from Hooterville?
(stuttering, stammering)
- Yes Your Honor,
we're the welcoming
committee and this is...
- Well gentlemen, I am
very glad to meet you.
I'm very glad to
meet you indeed.
Where is the guest of honor?
- He couldn't... (duck quacking)
- There he is.
- You know him?
- I certainly do.
Oh, he's the son
of Drobney all right.
Why, he's the spitting
image of his father.
- You knew his father?
- I was in General de
Gaulle's headquarters
when he staggered
in with the message
that saved those
people in the farmhouse.
- I was in that farmhouse.
- You're not Lisa Groenitz,
the Underground fighter?
- That's me.
- It's an honor to meet you.
Everybody in the
ETO heard about you.
Say, what did you do with
those Germans in the attic?
- Well you see, I...
- Yes?
- This is my husband.
- Oh yes, the Count.
- I didn't marry the Count.
- Well I'm glad to meet
you anyway, Mr. Groenitz.
- The name is Douglas.
- Well if we're being informal,
you can call me Harry.
- No, I mean my last name...
- We'd better get going or
we'll be late for
the festivities.
We've got a car outside.
- Thank you.
Would you do me the honor of
riding with me, Mrs. Groenitz?
- Douglas.
- Yes, and I'm Harry.
It's nice to meet you.
- You ride with Drobney.
- Drobney. (duck quacking)
Shut up.
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Mr. Douglas? (knocking)
Mr. Douglas?
- Oh, for...
I'm coming.
- Mr. Douglas.
- I was just going
to take a bath.
- Look at this,
it's a Drobney day
special edition with
pictures and everything.
- I'm not interested.
- Look right here.
There's a picture
of Drobney receiving
a medal from the
Lieutenant-Governor.
- I don't care...
- And there's one of the
Governor riding in the parade
with Lisa Groenitz, the
famed Underground fighter.
- Her name isn't...
- They even mentioned you.
Douglas Groenitz.
- Douglas Groenitz?
I'll read it in the tub.
(upbeat ensemble music)
Now will you get
out of that bathtub?
I ran that water for myself.
Oh, you miserable...
Drob old boy, why
don't you finish your bath
and then take a nice,
long walk in the woods?
It's a perfect day for it.
- Oliver, I've been looking
everywhere for Drobney.
Do you know where he is?
- Yes, I think he went out
for a little walk in the woods.
- And why would he do
that? (distant gunshot booms)
What was that?
- What was what?
- Mr. Douglas, do you
want to go hunting?
The duck hunting
season opened today.
- Oh, you...
- Oliver, Drobney's out there.
- He is?
I'll bet you sent
him out there to
get even with him for
swimmin' in your bath.
- Eb, I...
- We gotta find him.
Drobney!
- Oliver, how could
you do such a thing,
sending him out
there to be shustered?
- There's nothing to worry
about, he's a big war hero.
He can dig himself a
foxhole or a duck hole or...
- Oliver, you're going out there
and find him, now come on.
- Okay, on one condition.
- What is that?
- You tell me what happened
with those Germans in the attic.
- Fine, first you find
Drobney and then I tell you.
(duck quacking)
Oh Drobney, you're safe.
Oliver.
Let him go.
What's sauce for the duck
is goose for the gander.
(lightning crackling)
Oliver.
- I looked all over those
woods for three hours.
I couldn't find a
trace of Drobney.
- Oh, that's all
right, I'm sorry.
- Oh don't worry about
it, I'm sure he'll be all...
(sneezing)
I'm soaked.
I'm gonna take a hot bath.
Drobney!
What are you doing here,
you web-footed little...
- Oliver, let Drobney
finish his bath.
- Why should I let
him take his bath?
I've been running all over
the town looking for the little...
(wind howling)
- I couldn't find
Drobney anywhere.
- Oh he's all right,
he never left home.
- Thank goodness.
He might've gotten
swept away by the flood.
- What flood?
- You saw the rain.
- The weather forecast
said it was a brief shower.
- Yeah, the last time they
had a shower like that,
half of Hooterville
floated away.
- I tell ya, it's nothing
but a brief shower.
(anxious guitar tones)
Well at least it
stopped raining.
- Oliver, how long are we
going to stay up here on the roof?
- Somebody oughta be along soon.
- Yeah, that's
what you said when
we moved up here six days ago.
- If we could just
get word to town,
let them know
we're stuck up here.
- Drobney will save us.
- Now how could that...
- Do you have a pen?
- Yes, I sure do.
- What are you gonna do?
- You have a piece of paper?
- Yeah right here, listen,
take the X page out
of my address book.
It only has six names on it.
- Six?
- Hey look, there comes Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- Drobney.
- Come on boy.
- Come on.
Drobney, now take this
message and get help.
Go on, go on get
help, go on Drobney.
Get help just like
your father did.
- You're wasting your time.
- See you soon.
- Boy, there goes a brave duck.
(splash)
- It says the worst flood
in the state's history.
Thank goodness it's over.
- Oh Oliver, it's
been three weeks.
What do you suppose
happened to Drobney?
- Well offhand I'd
say he copped out.
- They said his
father wouldn't do it
either when he went for
the French Underground.
- Lisa, let's forget about
dopey duck, I've had enough...
(duck quacking)
- It's Drobney.
And you said he copped out.
- Where's he been?
He left three weeks ago.
- Wait a second, there
is something in his pouch.
There you are.
Listen to this, it's from
the French Underground.
"Your message for help received.
"Send money and
we will send help.
"P.S. what do you want us to do
"with the four
Germans in the attic?"
(upbeat ensemble music)
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
- Good morning.
- Hello, dear.
- What's that?
- What does it look like?
- It looks like you're
about to take a mud bath.
- It's hot cakes batter
with chocolate syrup.
- Yuck.
- Would you like to have some
sausages with your hotcakes?
- Yeah, that'll be fine.
- Hotcakes and
sausages are comin' up.
- On second thought, I think
I'll make myself some eggs.
- Mrs. Douglas?
- You dumb clod.
- Mr. Douglas.
What are you doing
hiding back there?
- I am not hiding, I was
going to cook some eggs.
- Why don't you use a bowl?
It's a lot neater than
breakin' 'em in your hand.
Mrs. Douglas, there's a letter
came for you from Budapest.
It's got the Royal Seal on it.
- Oh, then it must be
from my father, the King.
- Your father, the King?
- No, it's not from my father.
It's from the Crown
Prince, Uncle Yiannos.
This is a surprise.
- It sure is, I didn't know
Uncle Yiannos could write.
- Why that's the last
thing to say about
a man when he's sending
us a wedding present.
- What's he sending us?
- He doesn't say,
he just says it
will be arriving at
our estate soon.
- Our estate?
- And that we should instruct
our servants to
handle it with care.
- Servants, what's
he talking about?
- He ends with "Love to
you, my dear and as always,
"my best to your
husband, the Count."
- Golly, is Mr. Douglas a Count?
- Oh no, that was the fellow
my Uncle Yiannos
wanted me to marry.
If I told him whom
I really married,
he never would have
sent us a present.
(audience laughs)
(upbeat ensemble music)
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
♪ Farm livin' is the life for me
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
♪ Darling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
♪ Goodbye city life
♪ Green Acres, we are there
(upbeat ensemble music)
- I wonder what Uncle
Yiannos is sending us.
Maybe it's that oil painting
of my father in his King suit.
Or maybe it's a box of
assorted crown jewels.
- Lisa, I'm reading.
- What are you reading?
- It's called The
Finger of Suspicion.
- I didn't know you
were a Finger story fan.
- It's a murder mystery.
- Who did it?
- Well I don't know who did it.
I'm just getting
to the part where
the detective is about
to solve the crime.
- Why don't you
peek at the ending?
- I don't want to
peek at the ending.
- Do you want to talk about
Uncle Yiannos' present?
- No.
- What do you think
he's sending us?
- I just said I
didn't want to...
- Remember the last present
he sent us from Hungary?
- Yes, a large package
of dirty laundry.
- Well, some people like
to send important vines.
Uncle Yiannos likes to
send important laundry.
- Excuse me, huh, I've got,
oh for...
- What's the matter?
Didn't the fellow you
thought did it didn't did it?
- I don't know who
did it, I can't read it.
Somebody spilled some
marmalade on the page.
Who would do a thing like that?
- Mr. Douglas, I just,
oh, are you reading
The Finger of Suspicion?
- Yes, I...
- Do you know who did it?
- No, somebody spilled
marmalade on the last page.
- I'm sorry about
that, I tried to clean it.
I wiped off mode of the ade
but I couldn't do anything
about the marmal.
Anyway, you
didn't miss anything.
The ending will
still be a surprise.
- Oh good.
- Of course, it wasn't
a surprise to me.
I knew all along the murderer
was the guy with the lamp.
I guess you did too.
No, I guess you didn't.
- You miserable...
- Before you hit
me, I just came in to
tell you Uncle Yiannos'
present is outside.
- I don't understand,
who brought it?
- Nobody.
- Well then how did it get here?
- I guess it
walked in by itself.
- He guesses it walked here.
- There it goes.
- What the...
- That box must
be awfully tired.
It's a long walk from Budapest.
- It didn't walk
here from Budapest.
- There it goes again.
- Get the crowbar.
- What are you gonna
do, club it 'til it stands still?
- No, I'm gonna open it.
- Oliver, I think
that box likes you.
- This is ridiculous,
what could be in that...
- Here you are.
- I guess we're the only ones in
Hootersville who
has a walking box.
(tepid ensemble music)
What's in it?
- How do I know?
I haven't opened it yet.
- Maybe you'd
better not open it.
I saw this science
fiction picture once where
this guy got a moving
box and he opened it
and the Blob of Glurk came out.
It kept growing and pretty soon
it had covered the whole world.
- Our Uncle Yiannos wouldn't
send us a box of Glurk.
- [Oliver] Why not?
A man who would send
you his dirty laundry
would send you anything.
- What happened?
- It bit me.
- Then it can't be Glurk.
Glurk don't have any teeth.
- [Oliver] It's a duck.
- It's Drobney.
- Aren't you gonna
salute, Mr. Douglas?
- Why should I salute a duck?
- Why this isn't any
duck, this is Drobney.
But it can't be Drobney,
it must be his son.
- Would you mind telling
me who Drobney is?
- We served together in
the Hungarian
Underground during the war.
- You served with a duck?
- No, it must have
been his father.
Look, he is wearing his father's
medal, the Hungarian DDC.
- The Distinguished Duck Cross.
- Oh, you've heard of it?
- No, I never heard...
- How did Drobney get
his DDC, Mrs. Douglas?
- I remember it like
it was yesterday.
We were in the farmhouse
completely surrounded by Germans.
Things looked hopeless.
- Red Dog three,
this is Pussycat two.
Come in, Red Dog,
come in, Red Dog.
Sergeant Groenitz,
I can't raise General de
Gaulle's headquarters.
- Well try his
answering service.
(gunshot booms)
How is the ammunition
holding out?
- We have got three
rounds of bullets
and four rounds of those
meat balls you made for dinner.
I'm getting more hits
with the meat balls.
- Well there isn't time to make
anymore, they're closing in.
Take those in the kitchen and
I'll take care of the Germans.
Here, take this.
Hurry up, there you go.
(tepid ensemble music)
(singing in foreign language)
- This house is under... Oh.
Fraulein.
- Hello, dear.
- Excuse me, Fraulein.
We have a report that there are
Resistance people in this house.
- Do I look like I
have Resistance?
- Oh, you are alone, Liepschen?
- I am always alone,
it's my sister who
always goes to the war.
My mean stepmother
makes me stay at home
and clean up the house
and wear these old clothes,
which you might have
noticed are falling apart.
- Yeah well you're not alone
now, my little apple strudel.
- Not now, wait, there's
somebody coming.
Wait for me upstairs in
the attic, here take your gun.
There you are.
(singing in foreign language)
- You're under arrest.
Fraulein.
We have a report that
there are Resistance.
- Do I look like I
have any Resistance?
- No.
Are you alone?
- I am always alone.
It's always my sister
who gets to go to the war.
- Who cares about your sister?
- Not now, wait for
me upstairs in the attic.
Here take your
gun, there you are.
(upbeat ensemble tones)
(singing in foreign language)
- Ah, Fraulein
we had a report...
- I am all alone.
- Good.
- In the attic.
(upbeat ensemble tones)
- We still cannot get General
de Gaulle on the radio.
- There is only one way to
reach him, he's our only hope.
Corporal Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- What's he doing here?
I thought he was
still on furlough.
- He knew we needed him.
Drobney, take this message
to General de Gaulle.
You understand?
And remember, our
lives are in your feet.
- In the attic.
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Did Drobney get the message
to General de Gaulle in time?
- Before I could say
one more "in the attic,"
the General arrived
and saved us.
- Wow, what a story.
- Excuse an obvious question but
why didn't you use a carrier
pigeon to take the message?
- That's exactly what the
Germans thought we would do.
So while they were
looking up in the air,
Drobney walked right by them.
- Wow, what a duck.
Tell us about when the General
gave him his
medal, Mrs. Douglas.
- Nevermind that, look,
tell us what you did with
those Germans in the attic.
- Well, that's another story.
(duck quacking)
- Hi Sam.
- Oh, hi Haney.
- How about closing
up the store for
a half hour and sharing
a haircut with me?
- What do you mean
share a haircut?
- Well over at the barbershop,
they're having a sale.
Two haircuts for
the price of one.
Now of course I don't need
a haircut but since you do,
I thought I'd do the neighborly
thing and get in on yours.
- Well that's darn nice of
you but I don't need a haircut.
- Maybe you could
have your head waxed
and I could have
the free haircut.
- Haney, I can't
afford a wax, a haircut.
Business is terrible, that's
why I'm having this sale.
- Everybody in
town's having a sale
but what good does it do?
Nobody in the Valley
has any money.
- What we gotta do is figure
some way to attract
outside money here.
Remember the crowds that
used to flock in on weekends?
- Yeah, too bad Knute Kalle's
two-headed rooster died.
- There must be
another way to bring
people here besides
a two-headed rooster.
- What do you think about havin'
'em play the World Series here?
- The World Series?
- They could play
in Nutley's Alcove,
that holds close to 200 people.
- That's ridiculous.
- How about holding
the Olympics?
We never had them here.
- Never had who here?
- The Olympics.
- Oh, then you're
missin' something.
They're the best rock and
roll group west of Pecos.
Come to think of it,
West of the Pecos
isn't a bad group either.
- Hank, Haney is talkin'
about the Olympic Games.
- The Olympic Games,
have they got a guy
with electric hair and a
green beard on drums?
- We're trying to think of an
attraction that'll
bring people into town.
- Oh, how about
Sophia Loren on drums?
- Say, have you fellas
heard the big news?
- The Big News,
they're a good group too.
- What news, Eb?
- Drobney is staying
with the Douglases.
- Who is Drobney?
- He's the son of
a famous war hero.
His father was given the
DDC by General de Gaulle
for carrying a message through
a whole Division of Germans.
- Sam, I think this is
what we're looking for.
- They're going to have what?
- A Drobney day in Hooterville.
- That's the most
ridiculous... (duck quacking)
- Now you woke him
up with your yelling.
- I don't care...
- When everybody heard about
the son of a famous war hero
being in town, they decided
to have a celebration for him.
- He says he'll be there.
- It's gonna be a big thing.
- They had a Drobney day for
Drobney's father in Budapest.
- They do a lot of strange
things in Budapest.
- It was a big celebration.
They have the Bourgeois Ballet
and the Canadian
Mounties Marching Band.
- Well the Chamber of Commerce
has big plans for this one.
There's a meeting going on
right now in the high school.
(duck quacking)
- Eb, did you tell 'em
Drobney was a duck?
- No.
- Why not?
- They didn't ask.
- I better go straighten things
out before they go too far.
- Now here are the suggestions
the committee's made for
our Drobney day celebration.
The Bourgeois Ballet, the
Canadian Mounties Marching Band
and Carol Bakewell's
All-Girl Bell-Ringers.
- Mr. Drucker, I'd like to...
- You're out of order.
- Well I just want to
tell you something.
- Will you sit down?
- Look...
- This meeting is for
Chamber of Commerce
members and since
you're not a member,
you'll have to wait
your non-Chamber turn.
- We're trying to
bring money into town.
- Yes.
- Why don't you
find a friend and go
over to the barbershop
and get a haircut?
- I don't need a haircut.
- I think that since
Drobney's the son of
a Hungarian war hero,
we oughta get an American
war hero to give him
a personal welcome.
- Like who?
- Well there's only one great
American war hero I know.
- Yeah, John Wayne.
(audience laughs)
- It seems to me we oughta get
somebody important
like the Governor.
- I think we should
get a military man.
- How about the
Lieutenant-Governor?
- That's a good idea.
- The Lieutenant-Governor
isn't a military man.
- All those in favor of getting
the Lieutenant-Governor,
raise their hands.
Motion's carried, well I guess
that about wraps things up.
- Wait a minute,
you can't have this
celebration for Drobney.
- What's the matter, you got
something against war heroes?
- Of course not but...
- Didn't your wife tell
you how Drobney's
father got that message
to General de Gaulle?
- Yes, but...
- Did she tell you what happened
with those Germans in her attic?
- I didn't come here to talk
about the Germans
in my wife's attic.
Well I mean, I...
- I hear this
Drobney is the son of
the Count that your wife
was madly in love with.
- He's not the son of any
Count, Drobney's a dumb duck.
- And you ain't got no call
to bad-mouth a war hero.
- My humblest apologies,
have your Drobney day.
Get the Lieutenant-Governor.
I'm sure he'll be thrilled to
meet your guest of honor.
- When is the
Lieutenant-Governor's plane due?
- It just landed.
He'll be comin' through the
gate in a couple of minutes.
- Hello there.
- Gentlemen,
you've got a beautiful
day for your celebration.
- Nevermind that,
where is Drobney?
- He went in the,
to wash his feet.
- Well I'd better get him.
- The Lieutenant-Governor's
gettin' off the plane.
- Where is Drobney?
- There's nobody in there
but a duck washing his feet.
- That's Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- Mr. Douglas, what
kind of a joke is this?
- It's no joke, ask my wife.
- That is Drobney.
Well, the son of Drobney's.
- Excuse me, I'm
Lieutenant-Governor Clyde.
Are you gentlemen the welcoming
committee from Hooterville?
(stuttering, stammering)
- Yes Your Honor,
we're the welcoming
committee and this is...
- Well gentlemen, I am
very glad to meet you.
I'm very glad to
meet you indeed.
Where is the guest of honor?
- He couldn't... (duck quacking)
- There he is.
- You know him?
- I certainly do.
Oh, he's the son
of Drobney all right.
Why, he's the spitting
image of his father.
- You knew his father?
- I was in General de
Gaulle's headquarters
when he staggered
in with the message
that saved those
people in the farmhouse.
- I was in that farmhouse.
- You're not Lisa Groenitz,
the Underground fighter?
- That's me.
- It's an honor to meet you.
Everybody in the
ETO heard about you.
Say, what did you do with
those Germans in the attic?
- Well you see, I...
- Yes?
- This is my husband.
- Oh yes, the Count.
- I didn't marry the Count.
- Well I'm glad to meet
you anyway, Mr. Groenitz.
- The name is Douglas.
- Well if we're being informal,
you can call me Harry.
- No, I mean my last name...
- We'd better get going or
we'll be late for
the festivities.
We've got a car outside.
- Thank you.
Would you do me the honor of
riding with me, Mrs. Groenitz?
- Douglas.
- Yes, and I'm Harry.
It's nice to meet you.
- You ride with Drobney.
- Drobney. (duck quacking)
Shut up.
(upbeat ensemble music)
- Mr. Douglas? (knocking)
Mr. Douglas?
- Oh, for...
I'm coming.
- Mr. Douglas.
- I was just going
to take a bath.
- Look at this,
it's a Drobney day
special edition with
pictures and everything.
- I'm not interested.
- Look right here.
There's a picture
of Drobney receiving
a medal from the
Lieutenant-Governor.
- I don't care...
- And there's one of the
Governor riding in the parade
with Lisa Groenitz, the
famed Underground fighter.
- Her name isn't...
- They even mentioned you.
Douglas Groenitz.
- Douglas Groenitz?
I'll read it in the tub.
(upbeat ensemble music)
Now will you get
out of that bathtub?
I ran that water for myself.
Oh, you miserable...
Drob old boy, why
don't you finish your bath
and then take a nice,
long walk in the woods?
It's a perfect day for it.
- Oliver, I've been looking
everywhere for Drobney.
Do you know where he is?
- Yes, I think he went out
for a little walk in the woods.
- And why would he do
that? (distant gunshot booms)
What was that?
- What was what?
- Mr. Douglas, do you
want to go hunting?
The duck hunting
season opened today.
- Oh, you...
- Oliver, Drobney's out there.
- He is?
I'll bet you sent
him out there to
get even with him for
swimmin' in your bath.
- Eb, I...
- We gotta find him.
Drobney!
- Oliver, how could
you do such a thing,
sending him out
there to be shustered?
- There's nothing to worry
about, he's a big war hero.
He can dig himself a
foxhole or a duck hole or...
- Oliver, you're going out there
and find him, now come on.
- Okay, on one condition.
- What is that?
- You tell me what happened
with those Germans in the attic.
- Fine, first you find
Drobney and then I tell you.
(duck quacking)
Oh Drobney, you're safe.
Oliver.
Let him go.
What's sauce for the duck
is goose for the gander.
(lightning crackling)
Oliver.
- I looked all over those
woods for three hours.
I couldn't find a
trace of Drobney.
- Oh, that's all
right, I'm sorry.
- Oh don't worry about
it, I'm sure he'll be all...
(sneezing)
I'm soaked.
I'm gonna take a hot bath.
Drobney!
What are you doing here,
you web-footed little...
- Oliver, let Drobney
finish his bath.
- Why should I let
him take his bath?
I've been running all over
the town looking for the little...
(wind howling)
- I couldn't find
Drobney anywhere.
- Oh he's all right,
he never left home.
- Thank goodness.
He might've gotten
swept away by the flood.
- What flood?
- You saw the rain.
- The weather forecast
said it was a brief shower.
- Yeah, the last time they
had a shower like that,
half of Hooterville
floated away.
- I tell ya, it's nothing
but a brief shower.
(anxious guitar tones)
Well at least it
stopped raining.
- Oliver, how long are we
going to stay up here on the roof?
- Somebody oughta be along soon.
- Yeah, that's
what you said when
we moved up here six days ago.
- If we could just
get word to town,
let them know
we're stuck up here.
- Drobney will save us.
- Now how could that...
- Do you have a pen?
- Yes, I sure do.
- What are you gonna do?
- You have a piece of paper?
- Yeah right here, listen,
take the X page out
of my address book.
It only has six names on it.
- Six?
- Hey look, there comes Drobney.
(duck quacking)
- Drobney.
- Come on boy.
- Come on.
Drobney, now take this
message and get help.
Go on, go on get
help, go on Drobney.
Get help just like
your father did.
- You're wasting your time.
- See you soon.
- Boy, there goes a brave duck.
(splash)
- It says the worst flood
in the state's history.
Thank goodness it's over.
- Oh Oliver, it's
been three weeks.
What do you suppose
happened to Drobney?
- Well offhand I'd
say he copped out.
- They said his
father wouldn't do it
either when he went for
the French Underground.
- Lisa, let's forget about
dopey duck, I've had enough...
(duck quacking)
- It's Drobney.
And you said he copped out.
- Where's he been?
He left three weeks ago.
- Wait a second, there
is something in his pouch.
There you are.
Listen to this, it's from
the French Underground.
"Your message for help received.
"Send money and
we will send help.
"P.S. what do you want us to do
"with the four
Germans in the attic?"
(upbeat ensemble music)
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.