Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 3, Episode 26 - The Hungarian Curse - full transcript
The Hungarian man who saved the life of Lisa's uncle moves in, seeking repayment for his good deed. Lisa feels an obligation to help Lazlo, but Oliver is simply irritated by his constant money-grubbing. Oliver's also unfazed by Lazlo's threats to cast a Hungarian curse on him.
[ Oliver ]
♪ Green Acres ♪
♪ Is the place to be ♪
♪ Farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ Land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ Keep Manhattan
Just give me
that countryside ♪
[ Lisa ]
♪ New York is where
I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue ♪
♪ The chores ♪
♪ The stores ♪
- ♪ Fresh air ♪
- ♪ Times Square ♪
- ♪ You are my wife ♪
- ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
[ Together ]
♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
Oh, for--
Uh, wait a minute.
This come off.
Yes, uh, I know.
You like it to do that?
Well, no, I-I--
You want me
to fix it for you?
No, no, no.
I always put it back on.
And it always comes off?
Uh, uh,
can I help you?
I-I'm looking
for Miss Gronyitz.
- Yes?
- No, no. He's looking
for Miss Gronyitz.
Why, that's me
before I was married.
Oh, yes.
I keep forgetting.
That's your maiden name.
Are you Miss Gronyitz?
That's right.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Ah!
[ Chuckles ]
Who's this?
I don't know.
- What are you
kissing him for?
- He's Hungarian.
- You don't kiss a perfect--
- Excuse. I have letter.
Oh.
Well!
[ Giggles ]
Lisa, will you stop kissing him.
Now what does the letter say?
Oh.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
What does it say in English?
It doesn't say
anything in English.
It's in Hungarian.
Would you translate it,
please?
Oh. Well, it's a letter of
introduction from my uncle.
It says that Lazlo
saved my uncle's life
during the war,
and it's up to us
to repay him.
No, no. I don't want anything
for saving a man's life.
How about a hundred dollar?
You just said
you didn't want it--
- That's for the barrel of wine
I hid him in.
- What?
He said that was for the barrel
of wine he hid him in.
I heard him.
It was during the war.
The Germans were
chasing your uncle.
I hid him in a barrel
of wine in my wine cellar,
and he drank his way out.
I figure the wine was worth
a hundred dollar, including
the Budapest sales tax.
Well, that's fair enough.
What do you mean fair?
Why should I--
Well, now,
let's not argue here.
Did you have breakfast?
No.
Come.
I'll make you some.
Can I make you
some more hotcakes?
No, no.
I-I had two plates
of them already.
They were wonderful.
Oh.
What brings you
to America?
Certainly not
these miserable things.
Well... I came here
to make a living.
And your uncle said
I should look you up...
because your husband
is a wealthy farmer.
- He'd give me a job.
- You're hired.
How much do you want?
- A hundred dollar.
- A hundred--
- Is that the only figure
you know?
- I know two hundred.
Well, you better stick
to a hundred, 'cause you're
not even gonna get that.
I'm very good
at fixing thing.
I-I could fix the stovepipe.
No, you can't fix it.
I tried.
- I can do it.
- Go ahead, try.
I'm not gonna charge you
anything for this,
only time and labor.
- How much is that?
- A hundred dollar.
A hundred--
I'll give you five.
Five hundred dollar?
You Americans don't know
the value of money.
[ Hammering ]
- See, Oliver, he fixed it.
- Yeah, but it won't
stay that way.
It will when I'm finished.
Would you give me a hand?
What do you want me to do?
Hold the pipe steady while I
give it a couple of good bangs.
Uh-huh.
Ohh!
I burned my hands!
Well, that's why
I didn't hold it.
Well, that's very--
Darling, use the pots holder.
Hold it steady.
[ Hammering ]
[ Lazlo ]
There.
Anything else
you want me to do?
If I were you,
I would put out my tie.
What?
It's on fire!
[ Screams ]
Hold still.
What did you do that for?
Well, there wasn't time
to call the fire department.
Well, you wouldn't have
any more trouble with that.
The slightest jar
and it'll bend back
the way it was.
Try it. Try it.
You see, Oliver,
the pipe didn't bend.
No, the ceiling fell down.
Well, you can't
have everything.
Well, I can fix that.
How much?
Another five hundred.
Five!
Okay.
Oliver, the ceiling
is fixed.
Oh, good, good.
Here's your $10. Good-bye.
Oh, Lazlo isn't leaving.
I asked him to stay with us
for a while.
Lisa--
I'm not going to stay very long.
Uh, four months at the most.
- Four months?
- Five, if you insist.
We insist.
Lisa,
would you mind telling me
where he's going to sleep?
Oh, this room would be fine.
Hey! This is our room.
Oh, you don't keep it
very neat.
In Hungary, you always give
your guest your bedroom.
Unless you have
a wine barrel.
We don't have a wine barrel.
Oh, then I'll
take this.
Lisa, may I talk to you?
Of course.
Would you wait outside?
Okay.
No, no, not you, him.
Oh, for--
Oh, don't worry about that.
I'll fix it.
Now, Lisa--
That's an $8.00 job.
Would you just
wait outside, please?
- As I started to say--
- Eight dollars isn't much
to fix the door.
- Will you please
listen to me.
- I'm listening.
All right, Lisa--
Are you finished talking?
We didn't start yet.
You let me know.
Yes!
Okay.
Why are you hollering at him?
- I'll tell you why I'm--
- You just don't like
Hungarians.
- I didn't say that.
- Well, you better don't holler
at him, because if you do,
he's gonna put the Hungarian
curse on you, and you know
what's going to happen?
I don't care.
He is not staying here
four months.
He can stay a couple of days,
then he can be on his way.
Well, that's a nice way
to treat somebody
who saved my uncle's life.
That has nothing
to do with me.
When you married me, you
married me for better or worse,
and that includes my uncle.
Lisa, I appreciate
what he did for your uncle,
but that doesn't mean
he's going to stay here for
four months and sponge off us.
How long can he sponge off us?
I'll give him a week
at the outside.
You mean, you won't
let him come inside?
No, I meant--
Look, and another thing,
he's not using our bedroom.
If he wants to stay,
he can sleep with Eb.
Well, do you want to
call him in and tell him?
All right.
Lazlo!
I talked with my wife and--
It's okay.
I'll sleep with Eb.
Did you taste your hotcakes?
No.
- Why not?
- I remember how
they tasted yesterday.
Oliver!
Good morning, Eb.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Oliver, Eb is
speaking Hungarian.
He said, "Good morning, Mama.
Good morning, Papa.
Isn't it a lovely bathtub?"
Bathtub?
He got the last word wrong.
I did? Well, Lazlo
just started teaching me
Hungarian last night.
He's charging me
10 cents a word.
Well, don't pay him
for the bathtub.
That's wrong.
He's my friend.
You know what
he did for me last night?
He let me sleep on the floor.
Some friend.
He is. He said that mattress
on the bed would ruin by back.
So he let me
sleep on the floor
and he took the bed.
Oh, that's real friendship.
Yeah. There aren't many men
that would be that thoughtful
about a stranger's back.
Oh, boy.
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
Look what he did for my uncle.
All he did
for your uncle--
- Is there any sauerkraut juice?
- No, I used the last of it
to make the hotcakes.
Since when do you drink
sauerkraut juice?
Oh, it's not for me.
It's for Lazlo. I'm taking him
breakfast in bed.
Well, you're not
taking him breakfast.
And you'd better get dressed
and get to work.
- You don't expect me
to work today.
- Why not?
- It's Kosciuszko's birthday.
- Kosci--
- That's what Lazlo said.
- That's a Hungarian
national holiday.
That's why I made the hotcakes
with the sauerkraut juice.
Look, if I remember
my history correctly, Kosciuszko
was a Polish-American.
He was a general
in the American Revolution.
That was a different one.
This Kosciuszko was the man
who got the 64-hour work week
for the Hungarian workmen.
Yes, and that's seven hours
less than I work.
Eb, will you please get dressed
and be back here in 15 minutes
ready to go to work...
or you can spend
Kosciuszko Day in line
at the unemployment office.
Lisa, I foresee nothing
but trouble with Lazlo. Now I'm
gonna have to ask him to leave.
If you ask him to leave on
Kosciuszko Day, you're asking
for a Hungarian curse.
If I knew one, I'd use it.
Lazlo, I want to--
What are you doing?
Fixing your barn door.
It was going to fall off.
Uh-huh. Well, never
mind that. I want to talk
to you about something.
- I want to talk to you
about something too.
- What?
- What are you gonna pay me
for fixing the barn door?
- I didn't ask you to fix it.
Well, that's why I'm gonna
charge you only $10. Otherwise,
I would charge you 20.
That's a little steep,
isn't it?
Well, I get double overtime
on Kosciuszko Day.
All right, I'll pay you
the $10, but I want you
to pack up and leave.
- What about the money
for the door?
- Okay, here's your 10.
- Twenty would be better.
- You're getting 10.
Now go pack. I'll drive you
into town, you can catch
the Cannonball into Pixley.
Afternoon, Mr. Drucker.
Oh, hi, Mr. Douglas.
Say, you must be Lazlo.
Sure glad to meet you.
Eb told me all about you.
- You're the fellow
that saved Mr. Douglas's life.
- No, he didn't--
Eb said he pulled you out
of a wine barrel when you were
going down for the third time.
I wasn't in any wine barrel.
Well, whatever he pulled you
out of, you certainly owe him
a great debt.
Which he don't
want to pay.
I gave you $30.
Thirty dollars?
Is that all your life
is worth to you?
He saved my wife's
uncle's life?
- Well, you still owe him
a great deal.
- Yes, he does.
But, uh, 30
is as high as he'll go.
You miserable--
- It doesn't matter whose life
he saved. He's leaving.
- Why?
Well, someone throws
your bag out the window
and you after it,
you figure
you're not wanted.
I didn't throw you
or your bag out the window.
It hurts him to remember.
- What time does
the Cannonball get here?
- It's not running today.
- Why not?
- It's Kosciuszko Day.
Well, I'll go unpack.
Don't bother.
You're leaving tomorrow.
Oliver,
you know what happened?
Oh, you changed your mind
about Lazlo.
The only reason he's still here
is because the train
isn't running today.
I could have told you that.
They never run on Kosciuszko's
birthday.
I'm sick and tired
of hearing about--
Well, it's a good thing
that Lazlo didn't leave,
because Eb is sick.
Oh?
Oh, that's too bad.
He wasn't the one
supposed to get sick.
What do you mean
wasn't the one?
Well, you see, when you threw me
out the window this morning,
I put the Hungarian curse
on you,
and Eb must have been
standing in the way.
Oh. That's
sheer nonsense.
Well, if Eb wouldn't have
been standing in the way,
you'd have the flu too.
Is that what Eb has,
the flu?
No, he has the flu too.
That's one thing you can get
from the Hungarian curse.
Oh--
Well, I'll go unpack.
Y-You'll need some help as long
as Eb has got the flu too.
I have never been so--
Ohh!
I'll fix that.
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Hi, Mr. Kimball.
What are you doing?
Weeding.
Oh. Gee, this is
a pretty bad light to weed in.
You ought to get yourself
a weeding lamp.
[ Chuckles ]
That's from the new
County Agent Joke Book.
The department put it out so
your county agent could cheer up
some of the farmers he services.
You look more cheerful already.
Well, now that
I've cheered you up,
I'll be on my way.
- Good.
- By the way--
- By the way what?
- What does that mean?
You said, "By the way,"
then you never finished
what you were going to say.
- About what?
- How do I know?
[ Snaps Fingers ]
Now I remember.
Oh, by the way, how's Eb?
He's all right.
Just had a bad cold.
Oh. Well, I brought him
something over to cure it.
A pan,
some water...
and a chicken.
What's that?
It's a do-it-yourself
chicken soup kit.
- What?
- It's a great farm remedy.
It's good for anything,
except the chicken.
Now the way you make it--
Oh, I'm sure we can
figure that out.
That's very
thoughtful of you.
Oh, well, in that case,
I guess I'll be running along.
Well, I don't have to run.
I can walk.
By the way--
- Mr. Kimball.
- Yes?
Oh. By the way, since Eb
is sick, do you need anybody
to help you around here?
No, I have somebody--
Lazlo.
- Oh, your uncle.
- He's not my--
I heard he saved you from
drowning in a brewing kettle.
Boy, if it hadn't
been for him, you might
have foamed to death.
Good-bye, Mr. Kimball.
Yeah. Good-bye.
Good-bye, Sophia.
Take good care of yourself.
[ Chuckles ]
Lisa?
Hello, there.
Here, this is for you.
And this is for you.
What's this?
- A man left it.
- A summons.
Alf and Ralph
are suing me.
Yes, for $50,000.
For breach of contract.
What are they talking about?
They're mad at you
because they were fired before
they could finish the bedroom.
- I didn't fire them.
- No, Lazlo did.
- What?
- Well, he said
it was ridiculous...
that they couldn't finish
the bedroom in two years,
and that he could do it.
I didn't tell--
Where is he?
He started work.
Lazlo, I want to
talk to you.
Uh, not now, I'm measuring.
I don't want you to measure it.
Well, then how is he
going to finish it?
He's not going to.
You had no right
to fire Alf and Ralph.
They're suing me
for $50,000.
Don't worry.
I'll handle the case for you.
I used to do a little
law work in Hungary.
I can handle the case myself.
I'm an attorney.
I'm glad you got
something to fall back on,
the way you run this farm.
- Look here--
- I think, uh, I'll do it
in knotty pine.
That'll be fine.
I don't like knotty pine.
I do. I used to be
an interior decorator.
Of course, all my jobs
were bigger than this.
This shouldn't take me
more than three days.
Three days?
That'll be fine.
It'll be fine
if he can do it.
Well, he's done
everything else
he said he could do.
[ Lisa ] He'd be a good man
to have around all the time.
I agree.
Lazlo, if you can do
this bedroom in three days,
I might be willing to
discuss your staying here.
Boy, am I starved.
Lunch will be ready
in a minute.
Would you mind telling me
what you're doing?
I'm making a chicken sandwich.
That's a chicken sandwich?
Two slices of bread
with a chicken in between.
Do you expect me to eat that?
No, this is for Lazlo.
Oh. Couldn't happen
to a nicer fellow.
Where are you going?
I'm taking it into him.
He doesn't want to
stop for lunch.
He's been working
like this all morning.
No, no. I'll take it to him.
I wanna see how he's doing.
[ Hammering ]
Lazlo, I brought your--
Huh?
[ Chuckles ]
How do you like it so far?
Is that what you've accomplished
since this morning?
- That's a nice day's work, huh?
- No, it's not.
Oh, my favorite.
A chicken sandwich.
Oh, wait a minute!
You're not gonna eat that
in front of me?
You're a vegetarian?
Lazlo, you said you could finish
this bedroom in three days.
That's right.
Well, at the rate you're going,
the only way you can do that
is to have 15 men help you.
That's a whole day's work?
I think he's doing
a wonderful job.
Yeah, so do I.
At this rate, he'll
never finish in three days,
and we can get rid of him.
You better not or he's
going to put the Hungarian--
Will you go
and fix breakfast?
Well.
- [ Knocking ]
- Who's that?
Uh, Mr. Haney.
Can I come in?
Yes, come in.
Good morning!
In here, fellows.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here?
Who are these men?
Uh, the 15 fellows
that you ordered.
- That I ordered?
- Well, Lazlo did.
Yes. I took
your suggestion.
You were right.
It'll take 15 men
to help me finish.
You had no right--
That'll be $150.
All right, everybody,
get to work.
[ Chattering ]
Hey! Whoa! Hey!
Now wait! Wait a minute! Hey!
[ Whistles ]
Hold it! Hold it!
Here, everybody, out!
Everybody out!
Yeah, but, uh--
Come out!
Out! Out! Out! Out!
Get out of here! Go on!
And that includes you,
Mr. Haney.
I just want to ask
Lazlo something.
Uh, what time do you want
the furniture delivered?
Uh, 4:00 would be fine.
What furniture?
The furniture he's
delivering at 4:00.
Where shall I put it?
In the barn.
You are not putting it
in my barn.
Well, Mr. Douglas,
it seems a shame for you
to spend $500 for furniture,
and then just
let it sit outside.
I didn't order
any furniture.
Lazlo did.
- What?
- It's gonna go in the house
that you're buildin' for him.
I'm not building any--
And the lumber's only
gonna cost $1,200.
Well, that's less
than we figured.
Would you two mind telling me
what you're talking about?
As long as I'm going to stay,
I have to have a place for
my wife and me to live in.
Your wife?
Well,
I'm sending for her.
I'll need a $400 deposit
for the airplane ticket.
Forget it!
She could come by boat,
but she gets seasick.
Your wife is not coming here.
You want my children
to come by themselves?
Your children?
- Fedor, Magda, Johann,
Akim, Bela--
- Look--
- I'm not finished yet.
- Yes, you are. And you're
packing and leaving right now.
But--
Mr. Haney will drive you
to the station into town.
That'll be, uh, $8.00.
Beat it, the both of you!
Well, if that's
what you want, good-bye.
But before I go--
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
One thing I can say. I'm glad
I wouldn't be around to see
what's going to happen to him.
Oliver, where is Lazlo?
I threw him out,
for good!
- You didn't?
- I most certainly did.
Before he left,
did he do something like this...
and did he say
something like this?
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
- Yes, he did.
- Bye.
- Where are you going?
- I'm not going to stay and see
what's going to happen to you.
Lisa!
Lisa!
Oliver, you better
get out of here...
before the Hungarian curse
starts to work.
Lisa, there's no such thing
as a Hungarian curse.
- What was that?
- Offhand, I'd say it was
the stovepipe and the ceiling.
The stovepipe
and the ceil--
There goes the barn door.
The tractor.
Let's see.
What else did Lazlo fix
besides the stovepipe,
the ceiling, the barn door,
the tractor?
There was one other thing.
Oh, that's right,
your front porch.
[ Lisa ] This has been
a Filmways presentation,
darling.
♪ Green Acres ♪
♪ Is the place to be ♪
♪ Farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ Land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ Keep Manhattan
Just give me
that countryside ♪
[ Lisa ]
♪ New York is where
I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue ♪
♪ The chores ♪
♪ The stores ♪
- ♪ Fresh air ♪
- ♪ Times Square ♪
- ♪ You are my wife ♪
- ♪ Good-bye, city life ♪
[ Together ]
♪ Green Acres, we are there ♪♪
Oh, for--
Uh, wait a minute.
This come off.
Yes, uh, I know.
You like it to do that?
Well, no, I-I--
You want me
to fix it for you?
No, no, no.
I always put it back on.
And it always comes off?
Uh, uh,
can I help you?
I-I'm looking
for Miss Gronyitz.
- Yes?
- No, no. He's looking
for Miss Gronyitz.
Why, that's me
before I was married.
Oh, yes.
I keep forgetting.
That's your maiden name.
Are you Miss Gronyitz?
That's right.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Ah!
[ Chuckles ]
Who's this?
I don't know.
- What are you
kissing him for?
- He's Hungarian.
- You don't kiss a perfect--
- Excuse. I have letter.
Oh.
Well!
[ Giggles ]
Lisa, will you stop kissing him.
Now what does the letter say?
Oh.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
What does it say in English?
It doesn't say
anything in English.
It's in Hungarian.
Would you translate it,
please?
Oh. Well, it's a letter of
introduction from my uncle.
It says that Lazlo
saved my uncle's life
during the war,
and it's up to us
to repay him.
No, no. I don't want anything
for saving a man's life.
How about a hundred dollar?
You just said
you didn't want it--
- That's for the barrel of wine
I hid him in.
- What?
He said that was for the barrel
of wine he hid him in.
I heard him.
It was during the war.
The Germans were
chasing your uncle.
I hid him in a barrel
of wine in my wine cellar,
and he drank his way out.
I figure the wine was worth
a hundred dollar, including
the Budapest sales tax.
Well, that's fair enough.
What do you mean fair?
Why should I--
Well, now,
let's not argue here.
Did you have breakfast?
No.
Come.
I'll make you some.
Can I make you
some more hotcakes?
No, no.
I-I had two plates
of them already.
They were wonderful.
Oh.
What brings you
to America?
Certainly not
these miserable things.
Well... I came here
to make a living.
And your uncle said
I should look you up...
because your husband
is a wealthy farmer.
- He'd give me a job.
- You're hired.
How much do you want?
- A hundred dollar.
- A hundred--
- Is that the only figure
you know?
- I know two hundred.
Well, you better stick
to a hundred, 'cause you're
not even gonna get that.
I'm very good
at fixing thing.
I-I could fix the stovepipe.
No, you can't fix it.
I tried.
- I can do it.
- Go ahead, try.
I'm not gonna charge you
anything for this,
only time and labor.
- How much is that?
- A hundred dollar.
A hundred--
I'll give you five.
Five hundred dollar?
You Americans don't know
the value of money.
[ Hammering ]
- See, Oliver, he fixed it.
- Yeah, but it won't
stay that way.
It will when I'm finished.
Would you give me a hand?
What do you want me to do?
Hold the pipe steady while I
give it a couple of good bangs.
Uh-huh.
Ohh!
I burned my hands!
Well, that's why
I didn't hold it.
Well, that's very--
Darling, use the pots holder.
Hold it steady.
[ Hammering ]
[ Lazlo ]
There.
Anything else
you want me to do?
If I were you,
I would put out my tie.
What?
It's on fire!
[ Screams ]
Hold still.
What did you do that for?
Well, there wasn't time
to call the fire department.
Well, you wouldn't have
any more trouble with that.
The slightest jar
and it'll bend back
the way it was.
Try it. Try it.
You see, Oliver,
the pipe didn't bend.
No, the ceiling fell down.
Well, you can't
have everything.
Well, I can fix that.
How much?
Another five hundred.
Five!
Okay.
Oliver, the ceiling
is fixed.
Oh, good, good.
Here's your $10. Good-bye.
Oh, Lazlo isn't leaving.
I asked him to stay with us
for a while.
Lisa--
I'm not going to stay very long.
Uh, four months at the most.
- Four months?
- Five, if you insist.
We insist.
Lisa,
would you mind telling me
where he's going to sleep?
Oh, this room would be fine.
Hey! This is our room.
Oh, you don't keep it
very neat.
In Hungary, you always give
your guest your bedroom.
Unless you have
a wine barrel.
We don't have a wine barrel.
Oh, then I'll
take this.
Lisa, may I talk to you?
Of course.
Would you wait outside?
Okay.
No, no, not you, him.
Oh, for--
Oh, don't worry about that.
I'll fix it.
Now, Lisa--
That's an $8.00 job.
Would you just
wait outside, please?
- As I started to say--
- Eight dollars isn't much
to fix the door.
- Will you please
listen to me.
- I'm listening.
All right, Lisa--
Are you finished talking?
We didn't start yet.
You let me know.
Yes!
Okay.
Why are you hollering at him?
- I'll tell you why I'm--
- You just don't like
Hungarians.
- I didn't say that.
- Well, you better don't holler
at him, because if you do,
he's gonna put the Hungarian
curse on you, and you know
what's going to happen?
I don't care.
He is not staying here
four months.
He can stay a couple of days,
then he can be on his way.
Well, that's a nice way
to treat somebody
who saved my uncle's life.
That has nothing
to do with me.
When you married me, you
married me for better or worse,
and that includes my uncle.
Lisa, I appreciate
what he did for your uncle,
but that doesn't mean
he's going to stay here for
four months and sponge off us.
How long can he sponge off us?
I'll give him a week
at the outside.
You mean, you won't
let him come inside?
No, I meant--
Look, and another thing,
he's not using our bedroom.
If he wants to stay,
he can sleep with Eb.
Well, do you want to
call him in and tell him?
All right.
Lazlo!
I talked with my wife and--
It's okay.
I'll sleep with Eb.
Did you taste your hotcakes?
No.
- Why not?
- I remember how
they tasted yesterday.
Oliver!
Good morning, Eb.
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
Oliver, Eb is
speaking Hungarian.
He said, "Good morning, Mama.
Good morning, Papa.
Isn't it a lovely bathtub?"
Bathtub?
He got the last word wrong.
I did? Well, Lazlo
just started teaching me
Hungarian last night.
He's charging me
10 cents a word.
Well, don't pay him
for the bathtub.
That's wrong.
He's my friend.
You know what
he did for me last night?
He let me sleep on the floor.
Some friend.
He is. He said that mattress
on the bed would ruin by back.
So he let me
sleep on the floor
and he took the bed.
Oh, that's real friendship.
Yeah. There aren't many men
that would be that thoughtful
about a stranger's back.
Oh, boy.
Well, that doesn't surprise me.
Look what he did for my uncle.
All he did
for your uncle--
- Is there any sauerkraut juice?
- No, I used the last of it
to make the hotcakes.
Since when do you drink
sauerkraut juice?
Oh, it's not for me.
It's for Lazlo. I'm taking him
breakfast in bed.
Well, you're not
taking him breakfast.
And you'd better get dressed
and get to work.
- You don't expect me
to work today.
- Why not?
- It's Kosciuszko's birthday.
- Kosci--
- That's what Lazlo said.
- That's a Hungarian
national holiday.
That's why I made the hotcakes
with the sauerkraut juice.
Look, if I remember
my history correctly, Kosciuszko
was a Polish-American.
He was a general
in the American Revolution.
That was a different one.
This Kosciuszko was the man
who got the 64-hour work week
for the Hungarian workmen.
Yes, and that's seven hours
less than I work.
Eb, will you please get dressed
and be back here in 15 minutes
ready to go to work...
or you can spend
Kosciuszko Day in line
at the unemployment office.
Lisa, I foresee nothing
but trouble with Lazlo. Now I'm
gonna have to ask him to leave.
If you ask him to leave on
Kosciuszko Day, you're asking
for a Hungarian curse.
If I knew one, I'd use it.
Lazlo, I want to--
What are you doing?
Fixing your barn door.
It was going to fall off.
Uh-huh. Well, never
mind that. I want to talk
to you about something.
- I want to talk to you
about something too.
- What?
- What are you gonna pay me
for fixing the barn door?
- I didn't ask you to fix it.
Well, that's why I'm gonna
charge you only $10. Otherwise,
I would charge you 20.
That's a little steep,
isn't it?
Well, I get double overtime
on Kosciuszko Day.
All right, I'll pay you
the $10, but I want you
to pack up and leave.
- What about the money
for the door?
- Okay, here's your 10.
- Twenty would be better.
- You're getting 10.
Now go pack. I'll drive you
into town, you can catch
the Cannonball into Pixley.
Afternoon, Mr. Drucker.
Oh, hi, Mr. Douglas.
Say, you must be Lazlo.
Sure glad to meet you.
Eb told me all about you.
- You're the fellow
that saved Mr. Douglas's life.
- No, he didn't--
Eb said he pulled you out
of a wine barrel when you were
going down for the third time.
I wasn't in any wine barrel.
Well, whatever he pulled you
out of, you certainly owe him
a great debt.
Which he don't
want to pay.
I gave you $30.
Thirty dollars?
Is that all your life
is worth to you?
He saved my wife's
uncle's life?
- Well, you still owe him
a great deal.
- Yes, he does.
But, uh, 30
is as high as he'll go.
You miserable--
- It doesn't matter whose life
he saved. He's leaving.
- Why?
Well, someone throws
your bag out the window
and you after it,
you figure
you're not wanted.
I didn't throw you
or your bag out the window.
It hurts him to remember.
- What time does
the Cannonball get here?
- It's not running today.
- Why not?
- It's Kosciuszko Day.
Well, I'll go unpack.
Don't bother.
You're leaving tomorrow.
Oliver,
you know what happened?
Oh, you changed your mind
about Lazlo.
The only reason he's still here
is because the train
isn't running today.
I could have told you that.
They never run on Kosciuszko's
birthday.
I'm sick and tired
of hearing about--
Well, it's a good thing
that Lazlo didn't leave,
because Eb is sick.
Oh?
Oh, that's too bad.
He wasn't the one
supposed to get sick.
What do you mean
wasn't the one?
Well, you see, when you threw me
out the window this morning,
I put the Hungarian curse
on you,
and Eb must have been
standing in the way.
Oh. That's
sheer nonsense.
Well, if Eb wouldn't have
been standing in the way,
you'd have the flu too.
Is that what Eb has,
the flu?
No, he has the flu too.
That's one thing you can get
from the Hungarian curse.
Oh--
Well, I'll go unpack.
Y-You'll need some help as long
as Eb has got the flu too.
I have never been so--
Ohh!
I'll fix that.
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Hi, Mr. Kimball.
What are you doing?
Weeding.
Oh. Gee, this is
a pretty bad light to weed in.
You ought to get yourself
a weeding lamp.
[ Chuckles ]
That's from the new
County Agent Joke Book.
The department put it out so
your county agent could cheer up
some of the farmers he services.
You look more cheerful already.
Well, now that
I've cheered you up,
I'll be on my way.
- Good.
- By the way--
- By the way what?
- What does that mean?
You said, "By the way,"
then you never finished
what you were going to say.
- About what?
- How do I know?
[ Snaps Fingers ]
Now I remember.
Oh, by the way, how's Eb?
He's all right.
Just had a bad cold.
Oh. Well, I brought him
something over to cure it.
A pan,
some water...
and a chicken.
What's that?
It's a do-it-yourself
chicken soup kit.
- What?
- It's a great farm remedy.
It's good for anything,
except the chicken.
Now the way you make it--
Oh, I'm sure we can
figure that out.
That's very
thoughtful of you.
Oh, well, in that case,
I guess I'll be running along.
Well, I don't have to run.
I can walk.
By the way--
- Mr. Kimball.
- Yes?
Oh. By the way, since Eb
is sick, do you need anybody
to help you around here?
No, I have somebody--
Lazlo.
- Oh, your uncle.
- He's not my--
I heard he saved you from
drowning in a brewing kettle.
Boy, if it hadn't
been for him, you might
have foamed to death.
Good-bye, Mr. Kimball.
Yeah. Good-bye.
Good-bye, Sophia.
Take good care of yourself.
[ Chuckles ]
Lisa?
Hello, there.
Here, this is for you.
And this is for you.
What's this?
- A man left it.
- A summons.
Alf and Ralph
are suing me.
Yes, for $50,000.
For breach of contract.
What are they talking about?
They're mad at you
because they were fired before
they could finish the bedroom.
- I didn't fire them.
- No, Lazlo did.
- What?
- Well, he said
it was ridiculous...
that they couldn't finish
the bedroom in two years,
and that he could do it.
I didn't tell--
Where is he?
He started work.
Lazlo, I want to
talk to you.
Uh, not now, I'm measuring.
I don't want you to measure it.
Well, then how is he
going to finish it?
He's not going to.
You had no right
to fire Alf and Ralph.
They're suing me
for $50,000.
Don't worry.
I'll handle the case for you.
I used to do a little
law work in Hungary.
I can handle the case myself.
I'm an attorney.
I'm glad you got
something to fall back on,
the way you run this farm.
- Look here--
- I think, uh, I'll do it
in knotty pine.
That'll be fine.
I don't like knotty pine.
I do. I used to be
an interior decorator.
Of course, all my jobs
were bigger than this.
This shouldn't take me
more than three days.
Three days?
That'll be fine.
It'll be fine
if he can do it.
Well, he's done
everything else
he said he could do.
[ Lisa ] He'd be a good man
to have around all the time.
I agree.
Lazlo, if you can do
this bedroom in three days,
I might be willing to
discuss your staying here.
Boy, am I starved.
Lunch will be ready
in a minute.
Would you mind telling me
what you're doing?
I'm making a chicken sandwich.
That's a chicken sandwich?
Two slices of bread
with a chicken in between.
Do you expect me to eat that?
No, this is for Lazlo.
Oh. Couldn't happen
to a nicer fellow.
Where are you going?
I'm taking it into him.
He doesn't want to
stop for lunch.
He's been working
like this all morning.
No, no. I'll take it to him.
I wanna see how he's doing.
[ Hammering ]
Lazlo, I brought your--
Huh?
[ Chuckles ]
How do you like it so far?
Is that what you've accomplished
since this morning?
- That's a nice day's work, huh?
- No, it's not.
Oh, my favorite.
A chicken sandwich.
Oh, wait a minute!
You're not gonna eat that
in front of me?
You're a vegetarian?
Lazlo, you said you could finish
this bedroom in three days.
That's right.
Well, at the rate you're going,
the only way you can do that
is to have 15 men help you.
That's a whole day's work?
I think he's doing
a wonderful job.
Yeah, so do I.
At this rate, he'll
never finish in three days,
and we can get rid of him.
You better not or he's
going to put the Hungarian--
Will you go
and fix breakfast?
Well.
- [ Knocking ]
- Who's that?
Uh, Mr. Haney.
Can I come in?
Yes, come in.
Good morning!
In here, fellows.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What's going on here?
Who are these men?
Uh, the 15 fellows
that you ordered.
- That I ordered?
- Well, Lazlo did.
Yes. I took
your suggestion.
You were right.
It'll take 15 men
to help me finish.
You had no right--
That'll be $150.
All right, everybody,
get to work.
[ Chattering ]
Hey! Whoa! Hey!
Now wait! Wait a minute! Hey!
[ Whistles ]
Hold it! Hold it!
Here, everybody, out!
Everybody out!
Yeah, but, uh--
Come out!
Out! Out! Out! Out!
Get out of here! Go on!
And that includes you,
Mr. Haney.
I just want to ask
Lazlo something.
Uh, what time do you want
the furniture delivered?
Uh, 4:00 would be fine.
What furniture?
The furniture he's
delivering at 4:00.
Where shall I put it?
In the barn.
You are not putting it
in my barn.
Well, Mr. Douglas,
it seems a shame for you
to spend $500 for furniture,
and then just
let it sit outside.
I didn't order
any furniture.
Lazlo did.
- What?
- It's gonna go in the house
that you're buildin' for him.
I'm not building any--
And the lumber's only
gonna cost $1,200.
Well, that's less
than we figured.
Would you two mind telling me
what you're talking about?
As long as I'm going to stay,
I have to have a place for
my wife and me to live in.
Your wife?
Well,
I'm sending for her.
I'll need a $400 deposit
for the airplane ticket.
Forget it!
She could come by boat,
but she gets seasick.
Your wife is not coming here.
You want my children
to come by themselves?
Your children?
- Fedor, Magda, Johann,
Akim, Bela--
- Look--
- I'm not finished yet.
- Yes, you are. And you're
packing and leaving right now.
But--
Mr. Haney will drive you
to the station into town.
That'll be, uh, $8.00.
Beat it, the both of you!
Well, if that's
what you want, good-bye.
But before I go--
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
One thing I can say. I'm glad
I wouldn't be around to see
what's going to happen to him.
Oliver, where is Lazlo?
I threw him out,
for good!
- You didn't?
- I most certainly did.
Before he left,
did he do something like this...
and did he say
something like this?
[ Speaking Hungarian ]
- Yes, he did.
- Bye.
- Where are you going?
- I'm not going to stay and see
what's going to happen to you.
Lisa!
Lisa!
Oliver, you better
get out of here...
before the Hungarian curse
starts to work.
Lisa, there's no such thing
as a Hungarian curse.
- What was that?
- Offhand, I'd say it was
the stovepipe and the ceiling.
The stovepipe
and the ceil--
There goes the barn door.
The tractor.
Let's see.
What else did Lazlo fix
besides the stovepipe,
the ceiling, the barn door,
the tractor?
There was one other thing.
Oh, that's right,
your front porch.
[ Lisa ] This has been
a Filmways presentation,
darling.