Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 2, Episode 9 - The Hooterville Image - full transcript
The Hooterville farmers have decided that Oliver is ruining the town's image by doing his farming chores in a suit. Oliver eventually gives in to their demand to wear overalls, but they weren't planning on the high-fashion pair that Lisa's dressmaker has designed.
♪ Green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Lisa! Did my shirts come back
from the laundry?
(Lisa)
Didn't send them
to the laundry.
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
Lisa, why didn't you--
darling, do you know
how to fold up
an ironing board?
Yes, but you just...
What are you doing
with an ironing board?
Well, what else do you use
to iron shirts?
You mean you--
do you like them?
Perfect!
I remembered what you said,
not too much starch
in the collar.
Darling! Oh.
Mmm.
How come you're kissin' her,
when I'm the one
that ironed them.
I thought
you ironed them.
Well, you saw
the ironing board
then you jumped on
the wrong concussion.
She means
the wrong concession.
Not concession, confusion.
Uh, conclusion.
Uh, anyway,
eb is teaching me
how to iron.
He already let me do
part of it, look.
I can guess which part.
Oh, well,
that was an accident.
I left the iron on the shirt
while I went
to the washing machine
to put your grey suit in.
You put my suit
in the dishwash--
well, I didn't
turn the water on.
Thank goodness.
I remembered you said
you liked it dry-cleaned.
Lisa, that's not
the way--
aren't you going to ask me
where I learned how to iron?
No.
It's a pretty intriguing
story.
Eb.
Lisa, I wanted
to wear this suit.
Well, wear another one.
You got another suit?
Yes, uh--
why did you say
you don't jump
to the wrong concussion?
Because, what--
how many suits
have you got?
Uh, 12.
H-How many shirts
have you got?
2 or 3 dozen,
I don't know.
How many pairs of shoes
have you got?
What is this,
an inventory?
No, it just that
I'm impressed.
Wait till I tell
the other hired hands,
that I work for a man
that's got 12 suits,
3 dozen shirts,
and... how many pairs
of shoes did you say?
8.
Gee, all I've got
is one suit, one shirt,
and one shoe.
That's all you...
One shoe?
You never noticed, huh?
That's because I wear it
on a different foot every day.
Uh, darling,
y-you're wrong.
I knew a doctor once
who jumped
to the wrong concussion.
Lisa, why don't you
tell that to eb,
eb will tell you
the intriguing story
of how he got into
the laundry business,
and I will get dressed.
Good day.
Boy, some mornings,
he's just peachy
to have around.
You decent?
Huh?
It's ok, Ralph.
Oh, bro--
howdy doody.
I told you--
aren't you going to return
my howdy doody?
Howdy doody.
You didn't give it
very much.
I think it helps
if you smile when you say it.
Howdy doody?
Look, I don't need you two to
give me howdy doody lessons.
I told you a month ago
to fix that door.
We just found out
what's wrong with it.
What?
Keeps falling off.
For crying out...
Are these your shirts?
Yes.
How many
have you got?
Oh, a couple of dozen.
How many suits
have you got?
12.
How many
pairs of shoes?
8.
How do you like that?
I've got one suit,
one shirt, and 3 shoes.
3 shoes?
Yeah, I just found one.
You know anybody
who lost a shoe?
Yeah, eb.
How long has he been
wearing high heels?
Take that up with him,
will you?
No, not me.
He always wants to tell me
that stale intriguing story
about how he worked
in a laundry.
You're not gonna
wear that tie, are you?
Yes, why not?
It ought to be blue.
To match your eyes.
His eyes ain't blue.
You got a yellow one?
[Sighs]
Here's your coat.
Thank you.
Boy,
you sure look spiffy.
You want a flower
for your buttonhole?
No, no. I'm just going out
to pull up a tree stump.
In this suit?
Yes.
And, uh, fix the door,
will you?
What a dude? Phew.
Ah, it wouldn't hurt you
to dress that way.
What for?
I ain't gonna pull up
any tree stumps.
You like to buy
a pair of overalls, newt?
I just got
this shipment in.
Uh, no thanks.
Uh, I just got these
to the point
where they sit when I do.
Well, how about you, Fred?
No, my pigs are
just gettin' used to these.
They'll give you
good service.
They're 20 percent cotton,
10 percent wool,
12 percent thread,
and the rest is material.
No, thanks.
Newt, they got all
the latest features in 'em.
They got genuine imitation
steel buttons,
zipper wallet pocket,
and a double reinforced seat
for the man who does
a lot of tractor ridin'.
Fred...
Mornin'!
Oh, hi, haney.
Guess what I just saw?
Fred, these come with
a lifetime guarantee.
Or 4 years,
whichever comes first.
Uh, you got any
that fit Doris?
Might solve
my Christmas shoppin'.
Ain't you interested
in what I just saw?
No. Uh, what size
does Doris wear?
Well, she wears
a triple "e" sneaker.
Triple "e"!
Well, maybe we can
reconstruct her from that.
I just saw Mr. Douglas
pullin' up a tree stump.
With his bare hands?
No.
Doris always does.
He was using his tractor.
The one you sold him?
Which was winnin',
the tractor or the stump?
That ain't the point.
It was the way
he was all duded up.
Ivory league suit,
silk tie, vest.
He looked like the best man
in a $16 weddin'.
Well, he always
dresses that way.
Yeah, he's got a suit
for plowin',
one for tree stumpin',
one for irrigatin'.
Well, he shouldn't
wear 'em around here.
The tourists stop by,
they see him,
and they think
they're still in the
outskirts of Chicago.
That's a fact. He ain't doin'
the hooterville image no good.
Yeah, and after all
the trouble we went to,
to make it what it is.
What is it?
We're just plain simple
farmin' folk.
That go about
our business un-duded up.
Yeah. If he's gonna stay
around here. He's gotta be
made to conform.
And I got just the thing
for his conformation
on my truck.
A line of overalls--
wait a minute.
What do you think
these are?
I don't know.
What are these?
Haney.
I guess it's about time
somebody talked
to Mr. Douglas.
How do you tell a man
he ain't wearin'
the right clothes?
Easy.
You just say,
"you ain't wearin'
the right clothes."
That'd hurt his feelings.
Didn't hurt mine none
when you told me.
But he's sensitive.
Well, somebody's
got to tell him.
How about you, Sam?
Not me.
How about you, haney?
You've got a nice oily way
of sayin' things.
Not me.
I ain't losin'
one of my best customers.
Good morning,
gentlemen.
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Howdy.
Morning, Mr. Douglas.
Now's your chance, Sam.
Fred, I told you, i--
been, uh, tree stumpin'
Mr. Douglas?
Well, yes, i--
i-i-i could tell.
Y-You're wearin' your
tree stumpin' suit.
Oh.
Mr. Douglas,
how many suits you got?
12.
We only figured you for 3.
Tree stumper, a plower,
and an irrigator.
No, I've got
a barn painter, and I've--
would you be interested
in a pair of heavy-duty,
conformin' overalls?
No.
I got 'em out on my truck.
Give you a good buy.
Haney, don't sell your
cheap overalls in my store.
You see, even Sam admits that
they're priced reasonable.
I don't need any.
I came in to see
if you could get me
another one of these.
It pulled off of that
"reasonably priced" tractor
that somebody sold me.
Just like a city feller.
Changin' the subject.
Just to get out of
buyin' a pair of overalls.
I don't want any overalls.
Now can you get me
another one of these,
Mr. Drucker?
Yeah, I'm sure I can.
Thank you.
Good day, gentlemen.
Well, it didn't do no good
talkin' to him, did it?
No.
It's pretty obvious.
He just don't
want to be one of us.
Of course, he does.
Well, I didn't see him
changin' his suit
for a pair of
my reasonable-priced overalls.
Well, if our talkin'
don't do no good,
we've got to do
a little showing.
What are you
gonna show him?
How ridiculous he looks
wearin' them city clothes.
Something very peculiar.
What's peculiar?
All of a sudden,
everybody seems interested
in how many suits I have.
How many shirts and shoes.
Well, they're
just interested.
Women always ask me
how many dresses I have.
Well, women are just nosey.
How many dresses
do you have?
Including
this year's style?
None.
What are you talking about?
This closet's
half-filled with...
[Grunting]
What's the matter
with the door?
Well, you told
the Monroe brothers to fix it
so it won't fall off.
Well, I can't open it.
Well, then it can't fall off.
How are we supposed
to hang up our clothes?
Oh, you climb out the window
and you hang it in the closet
from the outside in.
We're gonna put
a wall up out there.
Well, that isn't
very clever.
Then how can you
hang the clothes in?
Through this door.
If I've gotta go through
this every time
[grunting]
I want to hang up...
I--i--i forgot to tell you
the Monroe brothers
put a strong spring in.
Of all this stupid--
where are they?
They went over to Mr. Ziffel
to do some work.
On my time.
Well, they didn't want
to do any more work
on the door till you approved.
I don't approve of it.
Well, tell them,
don't tell me.
I will.
(Fred)
You lookin' for me,
Mr. Douglas?
Oh, hi, there.
Yes, I wanted to, uh...
Hi, there.
Oh, I forgot my spats.
Your spats?
Yeah. Did you
want somethin'?
Uh, yes. I was, uh, looking
for the, uh, Monroe brothers.
Oh, they're over
at newt Kiley's.
Ah, well, I'll--
well, you'll have
to excuse me.
I've got to go
and slop my pigs.
Slop your pigs? The way
you're dressed I thought
you might be going to a party.
No, no, no.
This is my
pig-sloppin' suit.
Well, see you around
the haberdashery.
Mr. Kiley?
Mr. Kiley?
(Kiley)
Be right out.
How you like it?
It's my oil-changin' suit.
Your oil-changing...
Well, uh, I was looking
for the Monroe brothers.
Oh, uh, they went
over to Ben Miller's.
Ah, I'll go
over there and, uh...
Yeah, thank you.
[Car tires screeching]
[Horn honking]
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Hiya, uh. What is--
going on a weddin' trip?
No, just our regular
2:00 run to pixley.
What's the, uh--
well, the tinder's
about empty. We stopped
to get some wood.
Floyd!
[Thud]
Oh!
Floyd, will you watch
what you're doin'?
I just shined
my patent-leather shoes.
Well, you should've
chopped the wood.
You're supposed
to chop the wood.
You're the fireman.
Well, you're wearin'
the wood-choppin' suit.
This ain't
a wood-choppin' suit.
Is it, Mr. Douglas?
Well, I, uh...
Well, this ain't
a wood-choppin' suit,
this is a caboose suit.
Whatever it is,
let's get going.
We're 15 minutes late, see?
That's right.
I'm supposed to be
at my tailor at 4:00.
Charlie was running the train
in a swallow-tailed coat
and Floyd was chopping wood
in a tuxedo.
Darling, would you
hold this in front of you?
Everybody in the valley
is making fun of me.
Why?
Because of the way I dress.
Would you roll up
your pant's leg?
What for?
I want to see
if your knee shows.
They're wearing
them shorter this year.
I don't care how short
they're wearing them.
Well, what are you
so mad about?
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm so mad about.
I don't enjoy the community
making fun of me, that's all.
Well, if they're
making fun of you
for the way you dress,
then maybe
you ought to dress
the way they dress.
Why should I?
It's man's inherent right
to dress the way he pleases.
Darling,
would you please open
the closet door?
The constitution
of the United States,
guaran--
guarantees a free press,
a free speech,
and free clothing.
Well, not free clothing,
but the freedom
to choose the clothing.
Anyway, nobody's
going to tell me
how to dress.
Oh!
Darling,
are you all right?
Oh, i--i forgot to tell you
the Monroe brothers came back
to take the Springs off.
Alice, don't eat so fast.
Henrietta, keep your beak
out of Genevieve's bowl.
Chloe.
Chlo--
♪[playing]
Chloe, why do you always
have to play the piano
at lunchtime?
Lisa.
Oh, darling, one moment.
I have chicken trouble.
Chloe, stop playing
the piano.
Playing the pia--
how did she learn
how to do that?
I don't know. One day
she brought home the piano
and started playing it.
Oh, that's impossible.
Look, Lisa--
uh, darling, I'm out
of chicken feed.
When you're going
to Mr. Drucker's store,
can you bring me some?
I'm not going in
to Mr. Drucker's.
Well, why are you
all dressed up?
I'm not dressed up.
Well, people just don't
dress like this on a farm.
How about you
feeding chickens--
how much did that
negligee cost?
Including the bows?
Yes.
That cost extra.
The point--
will you stop
playing the piano.
Whatever the negligee
cost, it's worth it.
Otherwise we wouldn't
get any eggs.
The negligees give
the girls an insedative.
An insedative.
Yes, they look forward
to every morning
to see what I'm wearing.
And if they don't lay
any eggs they know I won't
come out wearing them.
That's ingenious.
You ought to send that in to
the department of agriculture.
They'll get
a bulletin out on it.
"How to increase
egg production by wearing
expensive negligees."
I don't think the department
would be interested in putting
out a bulletin on that.
Mr. Kimball.
Uh, you see, Mr. Douglas,
the average farmer has neither
the money nor the Patience
to dress up his chickens
in expensive negligees
just to get more eggs.
No, that isn't
what i-- what I...
Uh, forget it.
Forget what?
Uh, look, about the--
♪[playing]
Doggone it.
Nobody plays chopin
like Chloe.
Mr. Kimball--
uh, darling,
don't forget to get
the chicken feed.
I won't.
You better remind me.
I'm kind of forgetful.
I remember once my mother
asked me to bring home...
What did she ask me
to bring home?
Oh, yes.
My father.
Mr. Kimball--
oh, if you gonna go out
and dig some ditches,
don't let me stop you.
I'm not going
to dig any ditches.
Isn't that your
ditch-digging suit?
Oh!
Now it's your turn.
Turn to what?
To laugh
at the way I dress.
Well, if you want me to.
Ha, ha.
Is that enough?
Mr. Kimball--
Mr. Douglas,
I have been appointed
a committee of 2...
Well, the other fellow
couldn't show up,
but he gave me his proxy.
So, I'll get
right to the point.
You say you will,
but I doubt it.
Hmm? Oh!
Mr. Douglas,
before you moved here,
this was known as
a peaceful little community.
Well, there were
a few fights.
But, otherwise, it was
a peaceful community.
With a few fights.
I know what you're
leading up to.
And if the people
of this community are upset
about the way I dress,
I'm sorry.
Well, as Benjamin Franklin
once said:
"Being sorry
is the first step towards
the retreat of
the individual's immortality."
That doesn't
make sense.
It doesn't?
Oh, I guess the chief
must've said it.
He's a little, uh...
Why is it important
that I wear overalls?
Well, you moved out here
because you wanted to become
a farmer, didn't you?
Yes.
How can people tell
you're a farmer
if you don't wear overalls?
What I wear has nothing
to do with whether or not
I'm a farmer.
It's what I grow.
Then you certainly
should wear overalls.
What?
Oh, I didn't mean to insinuate
that you're a bad farmer.
On the contrary,
you're not a good one.
No, that still ends up
with you being mad.
Uh, let's see if
I can put it another way.
No, I don't guess I can.
No matter what you think
of my farming. Wearing
overalls isn't going to help.
That's what I was
going to say.
No, that way, uh, you still
come out on the short end.
Let's start
from the beginning.
Well, not
the beginning, uh.
Let's try, uh, 1789.
That was the year
that Betsy Ross made
the first pair of overalls.
Betsy Ross
made the first flag.
That's right.
Flag overalls.
That was her brand.
You could buy them
all over the country.
Well,
before long all the farmers
along east coast were wearing
Betsy's flag brand overalls.
Except Florida.
Which was then known as
lower New Jersey.
Lower New Jersey.
Into what?
Mr. Kimball,
you're wasting time.
And you refuse to wear
the accepted uniform
of the American farmer.
That's right.
You're turning your back
on Betsy Ross and
our founding fathers.
I am.
Mr. Douglas,
your unpatriotic attitude
leaves me no alternative.
I'm going to see to it that
you are not invited
to the 4th of July picnic.
Mr. Kimball,
would it really make
people happy if I were
to wear overalls?
Yes.
All right.
I'll wear them.
Ah.
I knew that July 4th picnic
would shake you up.
Nobody likes to be left out
of the 3-legged race.
I'll be back
in half an hour.
Mmm.
I thought you said
you weren't going
to Mr. Drucker's store.
I'm going in to buy
some overalls.
Well, I'm glad. Because
I think you're going to win
that 3-legged race.
Me?
Oh, you were
listening, huh?
Yes, but you don't
have to go into
Mr. Drucker's store
because I got you
some overalls.
When did you
know that i--
a week ago.
That's how long it
usually takes you
to change your mind
when you say that
you won't change your mind.
Unless you say that
you positively
won't change your mind,
then it take you
3 days.
Darling, here are
your overalls.
Happy 4th of July.
Well, thank you.
I hope you like them.
Well, there's nothing
to like about them.
Overalls are overalls
and these aren't overalls!
My dressmaker said
they were.
Your dressmaker!
I called your tailor,
but he wouldn't touch them.
I-- good for him!
This is Italian silk,
and real mink,
and your Harvard motto
on the gold buttons.
"Beat Princeton"?
Isn't that your motto?
Oh, our motto is--
oh, try them on.
Lisa, why did you--
well, don't you want
to look like Mr. Ziffel
and the rest of the boys?
I look ridiculous
in these!
Well, that's a nice thing
to say, after I went
all the trouble
to climb up the pole
and call your tailor
in New York and--
and held on while
he was insulting me.
And then calling
my dressmaker, and I think
I'm going to cry.
No, no, no, don't cry.
Well, then try them on.
Yes.
How much did you
pay for these?
$150.
How much did you say?
$150.
Don't bother to cry.
I'll do it for you.
Are you satisfied?
Beyond my wildest dreams.
You look beautiful.
I feel like chorus boy
for Oklahoma.
Where did you get
this shirt?
My dressmaker
threw that in.
Oh, how thoughtful.
There is more
that goes with it.
There can't be.
Oh, yes, there is. Here.
Howdy y'all, Rhett.
Ain't seen you 'round
the cotton gin lately.
I wouldn't wear
this even on Halloween.
Oliver!
Unzip me.
I wouldn't do it.
Just like a dressmaker,
to put the zipper in the back
where you can't reach it.
[Knocking on door]
I'll get it.
Lisa, will you...
Oh. Hello fellows.
Hello, Mrs. Douglas.
We heard
the good news.
What good news?
About Mr. Douglas
goin' overall.
When we heard, we rushed
right home and got out
of those monkey suits.
Yeah. We're sure glad
the war's over.
Lisa, now, will you
help me unzip...
How do you like
Oliver's overalls?
Wow! Italian silk.
Real fur.
Gold buttons with
"beat Princeton" writ on.
I reckon we know
when we're being
funned at.
Ah, looks like the war's
on again.
Oh, no, no, wait a minute.
No, these are not my overalls.
They're just something
my dressmaker...
Her dressmaker...
Now you see what you did,
they're mad at me again.
Oh, Oliver
oh, unzip me.
This collar is killin' me.
I never thought
Mr. Douglas
would do this to us.
Well, hiya, fellows.
Hey, look, I'm wearin'
regulation overalls.
Betsy's flag brand.
Hey, you can go home now
and take off those clothes.
You tell him, Fred.
I'm too choked up.
You tell him, Sam.
Mr. Douglas, they can't
take them suits off.
Why not?
The wives won't let us.
What?
They burned
our overhauls.
Doris says
it's first time in years
I didn't look like a slob.
Women won't ride on the train
unless I'm wearin'
a clean dickey.
Are you tryin'
to tell me that--
Mr. Douglas,
if you wanna be one of us,
you better get rid
of those overalls,
go home and put on
your plowin' suit,
or your ditch-diggin' suit,
or whatever suit
you're gonna wear to do
whatever you're gonna do in.
Mr. Douglas,
are we gonna have
more trouble with you?
No.
Then conform.
This is the new
hooterville image.
(Lisa)
this has been a filmways
presentation, darling.
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me
that countryside ♪
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling, I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ goodbye, city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
Lisa! Did my shirts come back
from the laundry?
(Lisa)
Didn't send them
to the laundry.
Oh, for cryin' out loud.
Lisa, why didn't you--
darling, do you know
how to fold up
an ironing board?
Yes, but you just...
What are you doing
with an ironing board?
Well, what else do you use
to iron shirts?
You mean you--
do you like them?
Perfect!
I remembered what you said,
not too much starch
in the collar.
Darling! Oh.
Mmm.
How come you're kissin' her,
when I'm the one
that ironed them.
I thought
you ironed them.
Well, you saw
the ironing board
then you jumped on
the wrong concussion.
She means
the wrong concession.
Not concession, confusion.
Uh, conclusion.
Uh, anyway,
eb is teaching me
how to iron.
He already let me do
part of it, look.
I can guess which part.
Oh, well,
that was an accident.
I left the iron on the shirt
while I went
to the washing machine
to put your grey suit in.
You put my suit
in the dishwash--
well, I didn't
turn the water on.
Thank goodness.
I remembered you said
you liked it dry-cleaned.
Lisa, that's not
the way--
aren't you going to ask me
where I learned how to iron?
No.
It's a pretty intriguing
story.
Eb.
Lisa, I wanted
to wear this suit.
Well, wear another one.
You got another suit?
Yes, uh--
why did you say
you don't jump
to the wrong concussion?
Because, what--
how many suits
have you got?
Uh, 12.
H-How many shirts
have you got?
2 or 3 dozen,
I don't know.
How many pairs of shoes
have you got?
What is this,
an inventory?
No, it just that
I'm impressed.
Wait till I tell
the other hired hands,
that I work for a man
that's got 12 suits,
3 dozen shirts,
and... how many pairs
of shoes did you say?
8.
Gee, all I've got
is one suit, one shirt,
and one shoe.
That's all you...
One shoe?
You never noticed, huh?
That's because I wear it
on a different foot every day.
Uh, darling,
y-you're wrong.
I knew a doctor once
who jumped
to the wrong concussion.
Lisa, why don't you
tell that to eb,
eb will tell you
the intriguing story
of how he got into
the laundry business,
and I will get dressed.
Good day.
Boy, some mornings,
he's just peachy
to have around.
You decent?
Huh?
It's ok, Ralph.
Oh, bro--
howdy doody.
I told you--
aren't you going to return
my howdy doody?
Howdy doody.
You didn't give it
very much.
I think it helps
if you smile when you say it.
Howdy doody?
Look, I don't need you two to
give me howdy doody lessons.
I told you a month ago
to fix that door.
We just found out
what's wrong with it.
What?
Keeps falling off.
For crying out...
Are these your shirts?
Yes.
How many
have you got?
Oh, a couple of dozen.
How many suits
have you got?
12.
How many
pairs of shoes?
8.
How do you like that?
I've got one suit,
one shirt, and 3 shoes.
3 shoes?
Yeah, I just found one.
You know anybody
who lost a shoe?
Yeah, eb.
How long has he been
wearing high heels?
Take that up with him,
will you?
No, not me.
He always wants to tell me
that stale intriguing story
about how he worked
in a laundry.
You're not gonna
wear that tie, are you?
Yes, why not?
It ought to be blue.
To match your eyes.
His eyes ain't blue.
You got a yellow one?
[Sighs]
Here's your coat.
Thank you.
Boy,
you sure look spiffy.
You want a flower
for your buttonhole?
No, no. I'm just going out
to pull up a tree stump.
In this suit?
Yes.
And, uh, fix the door,
will you?
What a dude? Phew.
Ah, it wouldn't hurt you
to dress that way.
What for?
I ain't gonna pull up
any tree stumps.
You like to buy
a pair of overalls, newt?
I just got
this shipment in.
Uh, no thanks.
Uh, I just got these
to the point
where they sit when I do.
Well, how about you, Fred?
No, my pigs are
just gettin' used to these.
They'll give you
good service.
They're 20 percent cotton,
10 percent wool,
12 percent thread,
and the rest is material.
No, thanks.
Newt, they got all
the latest features in 'em.
They got genuine imitation
steel buttons,
zipper wallet pocket,
and a double reinforced seat
for the man who does
a lot of tractor ridin'.
Fred...
Mornin'!
Oh, hi, haney.
Guess what I just saw?
Fred, these come with
a lifetime guarantee.
Or 4 years,
whichever comes first.
Uh, you got any
that fit Doris?
Might solve
my Christmas shoppin'.
Ain't you interested
in what I just saw?
No. Uh, what size
does Doris wear?
Well, she wears
a triple "e" sneaker.
Triple "e"!
Well, maybe we can
reconstruct her from that.
I just saw Mr. Douglas
pullin' up a tree stump.
With his bare hands?
No.
Doris always does.
He was using his tractor.
The one you sold him?
Which was winnin',
the tractor or the stump?
That ain't the point.
It was the way
he was all duded up.
Ivory league suit,
silk tie, vest.
He looked like the best man
in a $16 weddin'.
Well, he always
dresses that way.
Yeah, he's got a suit
for plowin',
one for tree stumpin',
one for irrigatin'.
Well, he shouldn't
wear 'em around here.
The tourists stop by,
they see him,
and they think
they're still in the
outskirts of Chicago.
That's a fact. He ain't doin'
the hooterville image no good.
Yeah, and after all
the trouble we went to,
to make it what it is.
What is it?
We're just plain simple
farmin' folk.
That go about
our business un-duded up.
Yeah. If he's gonna stay
around here. He's gotta be
made to conform.
And I got just the thing
for his conformation
on my truck.
A line of overalls--
wait a minute.
What do you think
these are?
I don't know.
What are these?
Haney.
I guess it's about time
somebody talked
to Mr. Douglas.
How do you tell a man
he ain't wearin'
the right clothes?
Easy.
You just say,
"you ain't wearin'
the right clothes."
That'd hurt his feelings.
Didn't hurt mine none
when you told me.
But he's sensitive.
Well, somebody's
got to tell him.
How about you, Sam?
Not me.
How about you, haney?
You've got a nice oily way
of sayin' things.
Not me.
I ain't losin'
one of my best customers.
Good morning,
gentlemen.
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas.
Howdy.
Morning, Mr. Douglas.
Now's your chance, Sam.
Fred, I told you, i--
been, uh, tree stumpin'
Mr. Douglas?
Well, yes, i--
i-i-i could tell.
Y-You're wearin' your
tree stumpin' suit.
Oh.
Mr. Douglas,
how many suits you got?
12.
We only figured you for 3.
Tree stumper, a plower,
and an irrigator.
No, I've got
a barn painter, and I've--
would you be interested
in a pair of heavy-duty,
conformin' overalls?
No.
I got 'em out on my truck.
Give you a good buy.
Haney, don't sell your
cheap overalls in my store.
You see, even Sam admits that
they're priced reasonable.
I don't need any.
I came in to see
if you could get me
another one of these.
It pulled off of that
"reasonably priced" tractor
that somebody sold me.
Just like a city feller.
Changin' the subject.
Just to get out of
buyin' a pair of overalls.
I don't want any overalls.
Now can you get me
another one of these,
Mr. Drucker?
Yeah, I'm sure I can.
Thank you.
Good day, gentlemen.
Well, it didn't do no good
talkin' to him, did it?
No.
It's pretty obvious.
He just don't
want to be one of us.
Of course, he does.
Well, I didn't see him
changin' his suit
for a pair of
my reasonable-priced overalls.
Well, if our talkin'
don't do no good,
we've got to do
a little showing.
What are you
gonna show him?
How ridiculous he looks
wearin' them city clothes.
Something very peculiar.
What's peculiar?
All of a sudden,
everybody seems interested
in how many suits I have.
How many shirts and shoes.
Well, they're
just interested.
Women always ask me
how many dresses I have.
Well, women are just nosey.
How many dresses
do you have?
Including
this year's style?
None.
What are you talking about?
This closet's
half-filled with...
[Grunting]
What's the matter
with the door?
Well, you told
the Monroe brothers to fix it
so it won't fall off.
Well, I can't open it.
Well, then it can't fall off.
How are we supposed
to hang up our clothes?
Oh, you climb out the window
and you hang it in the closet
from the outside in.
We're gonna put
a wall up out there.
Well, that isn't
very clever.
Then how can you
hang the clothes in?
Through this door.
If I've gotta go through
this every time
[grunting]
I want to hang up...
I--i--i forgot to tell you
the Monroe brothers
put a strong spring in.
Of all this stupid--
where are they?
They went over to Mr. Ziffel
to do some work.
On my time.
Well, they didn't want
to do any more work
on the door till you approved.
I don't approve of it.
Well, tell them,
don't tell me.
I will.
(Fred)
You lookin' for me,
Mr. Douglas?
Oh, hi, there.
Yes, I wanted to, uh...
Hi, there.
Oh, I forgot my spats.
Your spats?
Yeah. Did you
want somethin'?
Uh, yes. I was, uh, looking
for the, uh, Monroe brothers.
Oh, they're over
at newt Kiley's.
Ah, well, I'll--
well, you'll have
to excuse me.
I've got to go
and slop my pigs.
Slop your pigs? The way
you're dressed I thought
you might be going to a party.
No, no, no.
This is my
pig-sloppin' suit.
Well, see you around
the haberdashery.
Mr. Kiley?
Mr. Kiley?
(Kiley)
Be right out.
How you like it?
It's my oil-changin' suit.
Your oil-changing...
Well, uh, I was looking
for the Monroe brothers.
Oh, uh, they went
over to Ben Miller's.
Ah, I'll go
over there and, uh...
Yeah, thank you.
[Car tires screeching]
[Horn honking]
Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Hiya, uh. What is--
going on a weddin' trip?
No, just our regular
2:00 run to pixley.
What's the, uh--
well, the tinder's
about empty. We stopped
to get some wood.
Floyd!
[Thud]
Oh!
Floyd, will you watch
what you're doin'?
I just shined
my patent-leather shoes.
Well, you should've
chopped the wood.
You're supposed
to chop the wood.
You're the fireman.
Well, you're wearin'
the wood-choppin' suit.
This ain't
a wood-choppin' suit.
Is it, Mr. Douglas?
Well, I, uh...
Well, this ain't
a wood-choppin' suit,
this is a caboose suit.
Whatever it is,
let's get going.
We're 15 minutes late, see?
That's right.
I'm supposed to be
at my tailor at 4:00.
Charlie was running the train
in a swallow-tailed coat
and Floyd was chopping wood
in a tuxedo.
Darling, would you
hold this in front of you?
Everybody in the valley
is making fun of me.
Why?
Because of the way I dress.
Would you roll up
your pant's leg?
What for?
I want to see
if your knee shows.
They're wearing
them shorter this year.
I don't care how short
they're wearing them.
Well, what are you
so mad about?
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm so mad about.
I don't enjoy the community
making fun of me, that's all.
Well, if they're
making fun of you
for the way you dress,
then maybe
you ought to dress
the way they dress.
Why should I?
It's man's inherent right
to dress the way he pleases.
Darling,
would you please open
the closet door?
The constitution
of the United States,
guaran--
guarantees a free press,
a free speech,
and free clothing.
Well, not free clothing,
but the freedom
to choose the clothing.
Anyway, nobody's
going to tell me
how to dress.
Oh!
Darling,
are you all right?
Oh, i--i forgot to tell you
the Monroe brothers came back
to take the Springs off.
Alice, don't eat so fast.
Henrietta, keep your beak
out of Genevieve's bowl.
Chloe.
Chlo--
♪[playing]
Chloe, why do you always
have to play the piano
at lunchtime?
Lisa.
Oh, darling, one moment.
I have chicken trouble.
Chloe, stop playing
the piano.
Playing the pia--
how did she learn
how to do that?
I don't know. One day
she brought home the piano
and started playing it.
Oh, that's impossible.
Look, Lisa--
uh, darling, I'm out
of chicken feed.
When you're going
to Mr. Drucker's store,
can you bring me some?
I'm not going in
to Mr. Drucker's.
Well, why are you
all dressed up?
I'm not dressed up.
Well, people just don't
dress like this on a farm.
How about you
feeding chickens--
how much did that
negligee cost?
Including the bows?
Yes.
That cost extra.
The point--
will you stop
playing the piano.
Whatever the negligee
cost, it's worth it.
Otherwise we wouldn't
get any eggs.
The negligees give
the girls an insedative.
An insedative.
Yes, they look forward
to every morning
to see what I'm wearing.
And if they don't lay
any eggs they know I won't
come out wearing them.
That's ingenious.
You ought to send that in to
the department of agriculture.
They'll get
a bulletin out on it.
"How to increase
egg production by wearing
expensive negligees."
I don't think the department
would be interested in putting
out a bulletin on that.
Mr. Kimball.
Uh, you see, Mr. Douglas,
the average farmer has neither
the money nor the Patience
to dress up his chickens
in expensive negligees
just to get more eggs.
No, that isn't
what i-- what I...
Uh, forget it.
Forget what?
Uh, look, about the--
♪[playing]
Doggone it.
Nobody plays chopin
like Chloe.
Mr. Kimball--
uh, darling,
don't forget to get
the chicken feed.
I won't.
You better remind me.
I'm kind of forgetful.
I remember once my mother
asked me to bring home...
What did she ask me
to bring home?
Oh, yes.
My father.
Mr. Kimball--
oh, if you gonna go out
and dig some ditches,
don't let me stop you.
I'm not going
to dig any ditches.
Isn't that your
ditch-digging suit?
Oh!
Now it's your turn.
Turn to what?
To laugh
at the way I dress.
Well, if you want me to.
Ha, ha.
Is that enough?
Mr. Kimball--
Mr. Douglas,
I have been appointed
a committee of 2...
Well, the other fellow
couldn't show up,
but he gave me his proxy.
So, I'll get
right to the point.
You say you will,
but I doubt it.
Hmm? Oh!
Mr. Douglas,
before you moved here,
this was known as
a peaceful little community.
Well, there were
a few fights.
But, otherwise, it was
a peaceful community.
With a few fights.
I know what you're
leading up to.
And if the people
of this community are upset
about the way I dress,
I'm sorry.
Well, as Benjamin Franklin
once said:
"Being sorry
is the first step towards
the retreat of
the individual's immortality."
That doesn't
make sense.
It doesn't?
Oh, I guess the chief
must've said it.
He's a little, uh...
Why is it important
that I wear overalls?
Well, you moved out here
because you wanted to become
a farmer, didn't you?
Yes.
How can people tell
you're a farmer
if you don't wear overalls?
What I wear has nothing
to do with whether or not
I'm a farmer.
It's what I grow.
Then you certainly
should wear overalls.
What?
Oh, I didn't mean to insinuate
that you're a bad farmer.
On the contrary,
you're not a good one.
No, that still ends up
with you being mad.
Uh, let's see if
I can put it another way.
No, I don't guess I can.
No matter what you think
of my farming. Wearing
overalls isn't going to help.
That's what I was
going to say.
No, that way, uh, you still
come out on the short end.
Let's start
from the beginning.
Well, not
the beginning, uh.
Let's try, uh, 1789.
That was the year
that Betsy Ross made
the first pair of overalls.
Betsy Ross
made the first flag.
That's right.
Flag overalls.
That was her brand.
You could buy them
all over the country.
Well,
before long all the farmers
along east coast were wearing
Betsy's flag brand overalls.
Except Florida.
Which was then known as
lower New Jersey.
Lower New Jersey.
Into what?
Mr. Kimball,
you're wasting time.
And you refuse to wear
the accepted uniform
of the American farmer.
That's right.
You're turning your back
on Betsy Ross and
our founding fathers.
I am.
Mr. Douglas,
your unpatriotic attitude
leaves me no alternative.
I'm going to see to it that
you are not invited
to the 4th of July picnic.
Mr. Kimball,
would it really make
people happy if I were
to wear overalls?
Yes.
All right.
I'll wear them.
Ah.
I knew that July 4th picnic
would shake you up.
Nobody likes to be left out
of the 3-legged race.
I'll be back
in half an hour.
Mmm.
I thought you said
you weren't going
to Mr. Drucker's store.
I'm going in to buy
some overalls.
Well, I'm glad. Because
I think you're going to win
that 3-legged race.
Me?
Oh, you were
listening, huh?
Yes, but you don't
have to go into
Mr. Drucker's store
because I got you
some overalls.
When did you
know that i--
a week ago.
That's how long it
usually takes you
to change your mind
when you say that
you won't change your mind.
Unless you say that
you positively
won't change your mind,
then it take you
3 days.
Darling, here are
your overalls.
Happy 4th of July.
Well, thank you.
I hope you like them.
Well, there's nothing
to like about them.
Overalls are overalls
and these aren't overalls!
My dressmaker said
they were.
Your dressmaker!
I called your tailor,
but he wouldn't touch them.
I-- good for him!
This is Italian silk,
and real mink,
and your Harvard motto
on the gold buttons.
"Beat Princeton"?
Isn't that your motto?
Oh, our motto is--
oh, try them on.
Lisa, why did you--
well, don't you want
to look like Mr. Ziffel
and the rest of the boys?
I look ridiculous
in these!
Well, that's a nice thing
to say, after I went
all the trouble
to climb up the pole
and call your tailor
in New York and--
and held on while
he was insulting me.
And then calling
my dressmaker, and I think
I'm going to cry.
No, no, no, don't cry.
Well, then try them on.
Yes.
How much did you
pay for these?
$150.
How much did you say?
$150.
Don't bother to cry.
I'll do it for you.
Are you satisfied?
Beyond my wildest dreams.
You look beautiful.
I feel like chorus boy
for Oklahoma.
Where did you get
this shirt?
My dressmaker
threw that in.
Oh, how thoughtful.
There is more
that goes with it.
There can't be.
Oh, yes, there is. Here.
Howdy y'all, Rhett.
Ain't seen you 'round
the cotton gin lately.
I wouldn't wear
this even on Halloween.
Oliver!
Unzip me.
I wouldn't do it.
Just like a dressmaker,
to put the zipper in the back
where you can't reach it.
[Knocking on door]
I'll get it.
Lisa, will you...
Oh. Hello fellows.
Hello, Mrs. Douglas.
We heard
the good news.
What good news?
About Mr. Douglas
goin' overall.
When we heard, we rushed
right home and got out
of those monkey suits.
Yeah. We're sure glad
the war's over.
Lisa, now, will you
help me unzip...
How do you like
Oliver's overalls?
Wow! Italian silk.
Real fur.
Gold buttons with
"beat Princeton" writ on.
I reckon we know
when we're being
funned at.
Ah, looks like the war's
on again.
Oh, no, no, wait a minute.
No, these are not my overalls.
They're just something
my dressmaker...
Her dressmaker...
Now you see what you did,
they're mad at me again.
Oh, Oliver
oh, unzip me.
This collar is killin' me.
I never thought
Mr. Douglas
would do this to us.
Well, hiya, fellows.
Hey, look, I'm wearin'
regulation overalls.
Betsy's flag brand.
Hey, you can go home now
and take off those clothes.
You tell him, Fred.
I'm too choked up.
You tell him, Sam.
Mr. Douglas, they can't
take them suits off.
Why not?
The wives won't let us.
What?
They burned
our overhauls.
Doris says
it's first time in years
I didn't look like a slob.
Women won't ride on the train
unless I'm wearin'
a clean dickey.
Are you tryin'
to tell me that--
Mr. Douglas,
if you wanna be one of us,
you better get rid
of those overalls,
go home and put on
your plowin' suit,
or your ditch-diggin' suit,
or whatever suit
you're gonna wear to do
whatever you're gonna do in.
Mr. Douglas,
are we gonna have
more trouble with you?
No.
Then conform.
This is the new
hooterville image.
(Lisa)
this has been a filmways
presentation, darling.