Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 1, Episode 19 - Sprained Ankle, Country Style - full transcript

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Oliver: ♪ green acres
is the place to be ♪

♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪

♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪

♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me that countryside ♪

Lisa: ♪ New York ♪

♪ is where
I'd rather stay ♪

♪ I get allergic ♪

♪ smelling hay ♪

♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪

♪ darling,
i love you ♪



♪ but give me
park Avenue ♪

♪ the chores ♪

♪ the stores ♪

♪ fresh air ♪

♪ Times Square ♪

♪ you are my wife ♪

♪ good-bye,
city life ♪

Both: ♪ green acres,
we are there ♪

[Theme music playing]

[Whispers]
Morning, Eleanor.

[Moooo]

Shh!

[Milk squirting]

Darling...



Hmm?

There's a leak
somewhere.

Is it raining?

No, it's milkin'.

Eb...

Couldn't you wait
till we get up?

I could,
but Eleanor can't.

I tried to get her
to give butter.

It's softer.

Oh, that's very funny.

Just--just finish milking,
will you?

How much longer
are you and Mrs. Douglas

gonna flake off
here in the barn?

What's that
"flake off"?

Oh, that's a slang word.
It means "sleeping."

We'll be
flaking off here

till our bedroom
is ready.

The Monroe brothers
promised

to finish it
this morning.

Yeah, they promised it
last week,

and they promised it
the week before.

Well, I wish you'd
move out of here.

Eleanor's gettin' a complex
tryin' to give quiet milk.

Eb...

She'd like
to let herself go.

Oh, Eleanor,
darling,

you can let
yourself go now.

We're awake.

[Mooo]

Eb, will you
finish milking

so we can get up
and get dressed?

[Music playing]

Boy, am I hungry.
What are we having--

aww.

Ohh! Hotcakes.

Vaffles!

That's not the way
you make va--

uh...Waffles.

Wait.
I'm not finished yet.

[Sizzles]

4, 3, 2, 1!

Vaffles!

It looks like
a waffle.

Taste it.

Ooh!

[Crunching]

Well?

I think I'll just
have some coffee.

When you came in,
you said you were hungry.

Well, I was hungry
until I tasted the--

uh, coffee
will be fine.

You don't like
my cooking.

No, I love
your cooking.

It's the eating
that gives--

pour my coffee.

You wouldn't
like that, either.

Well, how can I tell
till I've tasted it?

Will you pour
the coffee?

I won't take
the chance.

I'm taking the chance.

What?
Well, I mean--

in New York, you never
quarrelled about my cooking.

In New York,
you never cooked.

Let's go back to New York.
Then we won't have to fight.

If you're fightin',
we'll come back later.

We're not fighting.

We were just
going to start.

Oh, go right ahead.
We'll come back later.

What do you want?

We just finished
your bedroom.

What?

And you said
they would never do it.

He said that?
Mm-hmm.

I never thought
they would!

Well, you ought to have
more faith in human nature.

Ralph!

Howdy doody.

don't you want
to see it?

It looks beautiful. We took
the bed out of the barn

and moved the furniture
back in.

Come on. Let's look
at it right now!

Right this way.

Ah-ah!

Ladies first.

Oh!

What's that?

Ribbon...For the
ribbon-cuttin' ceremonies.

This is a bedroom,
not a freeway.

Oh, darling, if they
want to have a ribbon,

let them have a ribbon.

All right. Give me
the scissors.

I'll cut the ribbon.

Not so fast.

There's a ceremony
that goes with it.

Oh, this is
ridiculous.

Mr. Douglas, we worked
hard on this job.

Hard!

We're proud
of our work.

Proud!

This is an occasion.

An occasion!
Yeah.

All right, let me
cut the ribbon.

Not so fast.
Ralph?

[Playing tattoo]

Hey, that's
pretty impressive.

Well, now can i--

[continues playing]

[Strained note]

You finished?

[Plays final note]

Now?

Not so fast.
I have a short speech.

Oh, please, let me
cut the ribbon.

Oh, darling, I would
like to hear his speech.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen,
we are gathered here today

to pay tribute
to the Monroe brothers--

now give me
the scissors!

I'm not--
I'm not through.

Yes, you are.
And get off the furniture.

Have you got
the scissors, Ralph?

No, I only brought
the bugle.

They're out in the truck.
Will you play somethin' else?

No, no!
Never mind, never mind!

Well,
that isn't official,

but I guess
it's all right to go in.

Ladies first.

It's nice and big,
isn't it, darling?

It's not
finished.

Finished? Did we
leave out a wall?

No.

Remember the time
we left that wall

out of that house
we built

for drury Wilson?

No, we left
the roof off.

I meant the walls
are not plastered.

Did you want 'em
plastered?

Of course I want 'em pl--

you'll have to get
yourself a plasterer.

We don't do that.

You contracted to--

what's that?

Alf: What's what?

Oliver:
These footprints.

It looks like
grauman's Chinese!

Chinese what?

Chinese theatre!

Oh, we don't build
Chinese theatres.

No, just chicken coops
and bedrooms.

And look
at the floor!

It slants downhill!

Well, naturally.
If the roof leaks,

you gotta get
good drainage.

The roof
better not leak!

And I didn't want
a cement slab.

I wanted a wood floor!

Oh. Well,
we don't do flooring.

You like that?

What's that?

Your fireplace.

Fireplace?

We'll be so nice
and cozy

on cold winter nights.

Yeah, but where's
the fireplace?!

Oh, you'll have to get
a stone Mason to build it.

We don't do
that kind of work.

Do you want to see your
closet, Mrs. Douglas?

My closet? Oh, darling,
isn't that wonderful?

At last
i have a place

to put my
clothes away in.

Well, come on.
Open it.

Doesn't Ralph first
has to play her buggle?

No, she doesn't have
to play her buggle!

I don't want
to interfere

with any
ceremony.

There's going to be
no ceremony!

Oh!

The door
is not supp--

there's no wall!

He's got an eye
like an eagle.

There's supposed
to be a wall here!

Well, if you insist.

I insist!

Ok, we'll
take care of it

right after
the concluding ceremony.

What concluding
ceremony?

Presentation
of your check to we,

the Monroe brothers--
except Ralph--

for a job well done.

I am not--

sound pay call,
Ralph.

Hold it!

Lisa: Oliver,

you didn't let Ralph
blow her buggle!

I don't care if she
blows her brains out.

I'm not paying them till
this room is finished.

Now see here--

you see here!

Now, first
you fix this closet.

Then you put
this wall on,

and then you lay
the floor down,

and then you plaster
the walls,

and then you fix
the fireplace,

and then we'll talk
about payment.

Now you did it.
You made Ralph cry.

I'm sorry,

but that's
the way it is.

Oh.

Ohh, Ralph, darling,
don't cry.

Everything is going
to be hunky-dinky.

[Crying]

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

Oliver!

Oliver: What
do you want?

Where are you?

I'm up here!

Wha-what are you
doing up there?

I just put up
the TV antenna.

Ask eb
how the picture is.

Eb, my husband
wants to know

how the picture is.

It's not very good.

It's not very good!

What's wrong with it?

What's wrong with it?

I saw it before.

He saw it before!

I just want to know
what it looks like.

My husband just wants
to know what it looks like.

It's kind of round,
and it's got lines on it.

It's round
with lines on it!

That's the test pattern!

What is the test pattern?

Just ask him
if it's clear!

Well, it isn't
clear to me!

Lisa, will you please--

will I please what?

Ohh!

Oh! There you are.

Oh, darling,

you didn't have
to come down.

I could've asked eb.

I didn't want
to come down.

I fell through
the roof!

Oh, my poor darling.
Did you hurt yourself?

No, I don't think so.

Ohh.

Tell Mr. Douglas
it's ok--

oh,
there you are.

He fell through
the roof.

Well,
whatever he did,

the picture's
much better.

Come on, help me up!

Oh! Ooh! Ooh!
Oh, my ankle!

I hurt my ankle.
I think I sprained my ankle.

We'd better show it
to a doctor.

[Music playing]

Now, then tell me,
Mr. Douglas,

does this hurt?
Ohh!

Hmm.

How about this?

Uhn.

Hmm.

Doctor, what does
that "hmm" mean?

Oh, that's just
something

they taught us
at medical school.

When you're not quite
sure, you say, "hmm."

You use that practicing
law, Mr. Douglas?

Uh, no, doctor.
In law, we use a--

"ahem!"

Ohh, yes.

There was a medical
school down south

that used to favor
"ahem".

But most of the big
schools teach "hmm."

We had a doctor
in New York

who used to say
"uh-huh."

He must've been
a specialist.

Uh, doctor,
what about my ankle?

Well, it's just
a bad sprain.

We'll just
tape it up,

and you'll
have to see

that your husband
stays in bed

a few days
and keeps off it.

I've got a lot of work
to do around the farm.

Darling, the doctor said
you have to stay in bed.

Aren't you going to give him
one of those shots?

What kind of a shot?

Well, you know,
with a hypochondriac needle.

Hypodermic.

Oh, yes,

I figured that's what
your wife meant.

Well, whatever
you call it,

aren't you going
to give him one?

No, I don't like
to give shots

unless its
absolutely necessary.

You see, it makes me
feel a little faint.

Doctor, how long
will it take

till my husband
gets well?

Oh, a week.

But you'll have
to see that he stays

off his feet
for 2 or 3 days,

and if he has
any pain,

just give him
a couple of aspirins.

Well, aren't you going to
give him some subscription?

Prescription.

I figured
that one out, too.

[Music plays]

Darling, darling,

you don't look
comfortable.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine.

Come on, come on,
let me fluff you.

No, i--I'm all right.

[Bonk]
Ohh!

Oh, I'm sorry!
Come on, let me fix it.

There. Now,
isn't that better?

Lisa. Aah.

Oh! Oh,
i almost forgot.

Wait, wait.

There. There we go.

Aah!

Ooh!

Oh, darling,
I'm sorry.

Ohh.

Now, is there
anything else I can do?

Uh...

Yes, I'm hungry.

How about
some hotcakes?

Oh, no.

How about
some vaffles?

No!

How about--
oh, dear!

That's all I know
how to cook.

I'll just take
a little sleep here.

Let me fix your pillows.

No, I'm fine, I'm fine!

Well...

Well, you call me
if you want me.

Yes, I will.

My name is Lisa.

I know.

Have a good shnooze.

[Music playing]

[Sighs]

What the--

oh, howdy doody.

Went back
to bed, huh?

I guess the ceremonies
wore him out.

I sprained my ankle.

Oh, how'd
you do that?

I fell
through the roof.

You didn't break
our new roof?

No, it was
in the living room.

Oh.
Does it hurt?

Not much.

Well, let me make you
more comfortable.

No, it's fine!
No, no.

You want
to watch TV?

[Tools clatter]

No.

We'll move it closer.
Give me a hand, Ralph.

Look, don't bother.

No bother.

[Grunting]

What's wrong?

Must be stuck
in the cement.

I guess this spot
wasn't quite dry.

We'll have to saw
the legs off to move it.

Leave it there!

[Turns on TV]

Can you see it
all right?

Yeah, he can see it
all right.

Isn't that
ed Sullivan?

No, that's a test pattern,

and would you mind
turning it off?

Please.

[Turns off tv]
Thank you.

And fix the door
on the closet

and leave me alone.
The doctor said

I should get
some rest.

Yes, sir.

[Music playing]

How do you feel,
darling?

Is that ok,
Mr. Douglas?

Oh, that's fine.
Thank you.

See,
what we--

I'll see you later!

Yes, sir.
Ohh!

You're killing me!

Lisa: I'm sorry,
darling.

Sheesh.

There you are.

There you are.
There.

Now, then, is there
anything else you want?

What are you serving?

Nothing.

What did you bring
the tray for?

Well, to put
the flower on it

to make you feel better.

Well, thank you.

You're welcome.

Aren't you gonna
bring me any food?

Why don't you watch
television?

It'll make you relax.

Call me
if you want anything.

Now, remember--
my name is still Lisa.

I'll remember.

[Music playing]

[Music playing]

[Knock on door]

Come in.

Oh, Mr. kimball.

That's pretty clever.

A secret door.

Although,
it wasn't too secret.

I found it right away.

Well, I didn't find it.

Alf told me
where it was.

Or was it Ralph?
Which one is the her?

Ralph.

Then it was the him.

Oh, I see they finished
your bedroom.

Looks very nice.

Well, not nice.
It looks, um...

Were you sleeping?

No, I was just resting.

Um, I had
a little accident.

Oh, much damage
to the car?

I fell
through the roof.

Oh, that's very unusual.

Well, not unusual.

It happened to
my brother 3 months ago.

Or was it 4 months ago?

No, it was my sister.

She was looking for his
skateboard, and uh...

Is that ed Sullivan?

That's the test pattern.

Oh. Boy, it sure looked
like ed Sullivan.

Oh, my ankle.

What's the matter
with it?

I sprained my ankle

when I fell
through the roof.

Oh, you poor fella.

Aah! You mallet-head!

I'm sorry
about the ankle.

Did you ever find
your skateboard?

Mr. kimball,

I'm supposed to have
a little peace and quiet.

Oh, you go ahead

and have your peace
and quiet, Mr. Douglas.

I'll, uh, just watch
ed Sullivan. Heh.

Mr. kimball,
if you don't mind--

shh!

[Music plays]

How's it look?

Huh? Ohh.

Good afternoon,
all you good folks

out there
in television land.

I'm curly Robins,

the host of your magnificent

multi-million dollar
movie matinee.

Today old curly's
got a good one for you--

Conway tearle
and Mae marsh in, uh--

what? Oh.

Ohh. I'm sorry.

They haven't finished
showing that one

over at the county seat
TV station.

But we've got
an English mystery for you,

and this portion
is brought to you

through the courtesy
of, uh...

Of, uh...

Of the pixley diner.

And here's today's special--

first of all,
we have a choice

of soup, salad and beverage.

Then we have a tender,
succulent porterhouse steak.

And then we have
steamin' hot baked potato,

and then we have corn on the cob
drippin' with butter,

and yummy chocolate cake.

Complete dinner--49 cents.

49 cents?

Yeah.

Yeah, but he raised
the prices.

Sure makes you
hungry.

It sure does.

Hey, would you like
half a sandwich?

Oh, I see
you got your tray.

You've already
eaten.

No, no, I, uh--
shh!

[Music playing]

Dame Mae fishman?

Oh, boy,
she's great.

You ever see her?

Not recently. I--

shh!

[Thunder]

Oh, darling,
you're awake.

Oh, hello, Mr. kimball.

You have a visitor.

Who?
Mrs. ziffel.

Oh, come in,
Mrs. ziffel!

Hi, Mr. Douglas.
Hi.

Heard you had
an accident,

so I thought I'd bring you
over a box of ca--

[woman screaming on TV]

Butler: Madame, cook has
prepared roast goose

stuffed with wild rice
for dinner.

For dessert,
cherries jubilee.

Lisa.

Lisa.

Shh!

Lisa, I'm starved.

Will you get me
some food?

Oh, yes, darling.

[Woman shrieking on TV]

Lisa!

Yes, yes, darling.

Mr. Douglas,

we're gonna take
our lunch br--

hey, alf,
I'm hungry.

[Monster roars on TV]

[Man screams on TV]

[Chomping]

This is all
you have to do?

Yes, ma'am. You just
add a can of water

to the can of soup
and heat it up.

Well, if I would've known
it's this easy,

I would've made it
every morning for breakfast.

Uh, folks,
could I have a little--

all: Shh!

Hi, Mr. Douglas.

Oh, Bobbie Jo.

Mom heard
you were laid up,

so she sent over
this basket of fried--

[gunshots on TV]

Fried what?

All: Shh!

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

[Spooky music playing on TV]

Oh, thank you, Lisa.

[Crying]
I was starving!

All: Shh!

Bobbie Jo.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Good-bye!

All: Shh!

[Music playing]

Oliver?

In here!

Oliver!

What did you come
out here for?

A little peace
and quiet.

That wasn't very nice,

with all those people
coming to see you.

They came to see
the picture.

But they came, and they
all brought you food.

Yeah, and they ate it.

It isn't who eats it.
It's the thought.

Well, maybe.

But at least
they came to see me.

You know, in the city,
nobody would do that.

You remember that time
in New York I had that cold?

I was in bed for a week.
Nobody came near me.

I did.

Yeah, and you caught
my cold.

Oliver.
Hmm.

Can you catch
a sprained ankle?

I don't think so.

[Mooooo]

[Music playing]

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