Green Acres (1965–1971): Season 1, Episode 12 - Lisa Has a Calf - full transcript
Eleanor the cow is pregnant and everyone thinks that it's Lisa who is expecting.
Captioning made possible by
mgm home entertainment
Oliver: ♪ green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me that countryside ♪
Lisa: ♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ good-bye,
city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
[Sizzling]
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
Ooh!
Isn't this cozy?
[Thunder]
Ohh!
Our first rain storm,
and here we are,
snug against
the elements.
[Clunk]
Oh, darling,
I'm scared.
There's nothing
to be scared about.
This house is built
to stand. It's strong.
[Wind howling]
[Thunder]
It got weak
doorknobs.
Aw, that's nothing.
The penthouse
in New York
didn't have
weak doorknobs.
Honey...
Or loose bricks
in the fireplace.
Lisa...
And holes
in the roof.
Lisa, this rain is good
for our wheat crop.
Well, I'm not
a wheat crop.
Darling, couldn't
you fix the roof?
Yeah. Soon as
the rain stops.
But then we
won't need it.
I can't fix it
while it's raining.
Oh, we sprung
another leak.
I'll put a pan
under it.
Oh, oh, oh!
Oliver!
Sorry.
Oh, pardon,
mignon.
I wish mignon
had enough room
down there
for for me.
That's one of
my best hats!
It was $125.
$125?
It doesn't even
hold water!
[Knocking on door]
Who is it?
Eb: It's me!
Let me in!
Just a minute.
[Wind howling and thunder]
Oh, what's that?
Wood for the fire?
No, sir. I found
this outside.
It's the porch rail.
Where do you
want it?
Oh, put it
right over there.
I'll fix it
as soon as
it stops raining.
I thought you were
going to fix the roof
when it stopped raining.
I'll do that, too.
You going to fix
the barn door?
What's wrong
with it?
I don't know.
I can't find it.
Did it blow off?
No, sir, it's still
on the barn,
wherever that is.
What?
Just joking.
I don't think
that's funny!
It got a big laugh
on the Beverly
hillbillies.
You see,
granny came in--
look, will you spare me?
I'm not interested.
Mr. Douglas, I got
some exciting news.
The coast guard wants us
to abandon ship?
What is it?
Well...
[Whispering]
Lisa...
Do you know what?
How could I?
He didn't whisper
loud enough!
Our cow Eleanor's
expecting!
Expecting what?
She's expecting
a calf.
Oh! I didn't even
know she was married.
Oh! Cows don't
get married.
Eb!
They don't even
get engaged.
Eb, please...
How is she?
Oh, fine. She's just
a little wet.
The barn's leaking
to beat anything.
Oh, the poor thing.
In her condition...
Lisa, cows are
used to being wet.
They stand out
all the time
in the rain
and the snow.
Maybe your cows do,
but not mine.
Lisa, that's
our comforter.
Eleanor needs
comforting much more
than we do right now.
She's going to be
a mother.
Honey, she's a cow.
A cow by another name
is still a mother.
[Moos]
That doesn't
make sense.
It would if you
were a mother.
My arm's
getting tired.
Oh, you don't have
to hold that umbrella.
Oh, yes, you have
to hold it.
You hold it.
Oh, this is
ridiculous.
[Moos]
She wants it!
Look, I'm not going
to stay here all night
holding am umbrella
over a wet cow.
All right, then,
I'll hold it.
[Moos]
Oh, you're welcome.
Come on, eb, let's
get out of here.
[Thunder]
Men...They don't understand
us women at a time like this.
You want a pickle
or something?
I'll get you some
first thing in the morning.
[Rooster crowing]
[Thud]
[Crash]
[Eleanor mooing]
Shh!
Moo!
Eleanor, who brought
you in here?
Mrs. Douglas.
What did she...
What is she doing
in the kitchen?
She ain't cooking
breakfast.
She's supposed to be
in the barn.
Mrs. Douglas left
a note about that.
[Lisa's voice]
Darling, I got tired
of holding
the umbrella,
so I brought Eleanor
in the kitchen.
She should keep dry
at 3:00 in the morning.
P.S. don't wake me.
What?
That's what it says,
darling.
Take Eleanor back
to the barn.
[Chugging]
[Gears screeching]
That sounds like
Mr. haney's truck.
Sounds like he's really
got it loaded down today.
Well, whatever
he's got on it,
I am not buying.
Maybe you ought to.
Take his mind off Eleanor.
Eleanor?
Want me to hide her?
Why?
Well, she must've been
in her condition
when he sold her to you,
so he'll claim the calf.
Oh, come on!
Did the same thing
to Henry Cartwright.
Went to court,
and Mr. haney won.
Well, if he wants to
get me into court,
he'll find out he's
up against somebody
who knows something
about law.
After all,
I'm an attorney.
You ever tried a case
in the superior court
of pixley...
Judge haney presiding?
Judge haney?
Mr. haney's grandfather.
Well, if we get
into court,
he'll have to
disqualify himself.
We'll get
another judge.
The other judge
is his uncle.
Hangin' haney.
Oh...Well...
Better take my advice
and let me hide her.
All right, if it
will make you happy.
Haney: Mr. Douglas!
I'd better take her
out the front way.
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas!
Shh!
Mrs. Douglas is
still sleeping.
[Crash]
What was that?
Nothing.
[Thumping]
Oh, it was mignon.
She's very clumsy.
Uh, what have you
got on your truck
this morning?
Oh, nothing you'd
be interested in.
Just a lot of junk that
i got back from a fella
I had to take to court.
The judge
awarded them to me.
Uh, which judge?
Your uncle or
your grandfather?
My cousin--
no bail haney.
By the way,
Mr. Douglas,
how's Eleanor?
Why do you ask?
Well, I just
ain't seen her.
Well, she, uh--
eb took her out
for a walk.
A walk?
Yes. She's been
cooped up.
The rain and all.
Say...
I'd love to see
what you've got
on your truck today.
I just might be
in the mood
to buy something.
See anything there
you like?
How about
the moose head?
Oh, that's not
for sale.
I'm taking that home
to Polish the antlers
and clean the eyeballs
fer a feller.
Wait a second...
There's something
you might like.
You mind
holding this?
Now, come over here...
Where the light's good.
You recognize
this feller?
Fellow?
It's a self-portrait--
Beethoven.
He was a composer.
That's why he's made
his self up like this.
He didn't want folks to
know he was a-paintin'.
I don't think
that I'm in the market.
Good morning,
darling.
Well, good morning.
I think she was
talking to me.
What's that?
That's a portrait
of Beethoven
when he was
a young girl.
I mean, what you
have in your hands.
Oh, this?
This is a cradle.
That would be
just right for--
Lisa!
Darling,
did you tell Mr. haney
about the good news?
What good news?
Oh, it's
a family matter.
A family matter?
Well, you see, i--
um, how much
you want for this?
Well, it's an antique.
You know that this
come over on the--
I'll take it.
You don't want
to hear
the story
that goes with it?
No.
I do.
Lisa, go back to sleep.
You need your rest.
I'll give you
$10 for the cradle.
Well, you could've
had it for 8,
if you'd listened
to the story.
There.
Now, if I need
anything else,
I'll let you know.
Hey, Mr. Douglas,
you buying that for--
uh, mignon.
Mignon is expecting
the stork, too?
No--uh, yes.
I'll explain later.
Well, I can tell
that you got a lot
going on
around here.
Best I be running along.
Yes. Thank you
very much, Mr. haney.
Are you sure?
Sam, why would he buy
a $6.00 cradle for $10,
that I would've
sold him for 8?
That don't mean
they're expecting.
Did they come
right out and say
they're going
to have a baby?
Mrs. Douglas was
trying to tell me,
and he kept
shushing her.
I'm convinced.
Have a cigar, haney.
Hold it!
That'll be 20 cents.
Charge it
to Mr. Douglas.
What?
He's going to be
passing them out
eventually, anyhow.
If Mr. Douglas wants
to pass out cigars
for his baby,
that's up to him.
Well, I got to go home
and knock down
my chicken Coop.
What for?
The douglases
are going to need
a load of new lumber
for the nursery.
That haney...
[Ringing]
Get that,
will you, Joe?
Will I get
a cigar?
No!
Drucker's store,
run by drucker
the cheapskate.
Just answer it!
don't make
editorial
comments.
Hello? Hello?
Hello, hello,
yourself.
Who is this?
Who is this?
I am Mr. Douglas' mother.
I'm calling
from New York,
and I'd like--
hi, eunice.
How are you, honey?
Oh...Is this
Mr. Carson?
It ain't
Vincent Lopez.
I'm trying to get
in touch with my son.
Oh. He been avoiding
you again, huh?
The hooterville operator
said that the lines
to his farm were down
because of the storm.
I can take a message
for you, grandma.
Mr. Carson...
My name is Mrs. Douglas.
You want the kid
to call you that?
What kid?
Well, I guess you ain't
heard the news yet.
The young Mrs. Douglas
is having a b-a-b-i-e.
B-a-b-i-e?
What is a babbie?
don't you know how
to spell? That's baby.
I can sp...
A baby?
Yeah. Say, uh, would
it be all right
if I got a cigar
and charged it
to your son in honor
of the occasion?
Get off this phone,
you clod!
I've got important
things to do!
A baby! Oh!
A baby!
[Gasps]
Oh, that poor child...
In hooterville!
Cut off from civilization
at a time like this!
Good afternoon,
Mr. Douglas.
Hi, Mr. kimball.
Barn get flooded
last night?
Oh, just
a little water.
Eb and I are
bailing it out.
You like to do a little
indoor skin-diving,
Mr. kimball?
Where did you
get those?
The feller in the boat
gave them to me.
The boat?
Mr. kimball, is there
any law against fishing
for barracuda in a barn?
Keep bailing.
Yes, sir.
He's quite a comic.
Yeah.
Of course, there is
a law about fishing
for barracuda in a barn,
or is it trout?
No, it's barracuda.
I remember one time
at the county agents meeting,
we had this other agent--
Mr. kimball,
i want to talk
to you
about Eleanor.
I was going
to ask you about her.
Is she sick?
Oh, no, no.
She's expecting.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you,
thank you.
Gives you a warm
feeling, doesn't it?
Yeah. I can imagine.
Why?
Uh, well, uh, I mean,
she's the first thing
born on my farm.
My fields are all
planted with wheat.
I feel like
a real farmer.
Yeah. I see
what you mean.
Yeah.
I don't really
see what you mean,
but if that's
what you want.
Although I don't know
why you want it.
Well, I guess
i can see it.
It kind of gives you
a warm feeling.
Yeah. That's
what I said.
About what?
About the calf
and the wheat.
Oh. That's where
i heard it.
Oh, hello,
Mr. kimball.
What've you
got there?
I brought lunch.
Oh, that's very
sweet of you.
Heh. For Eleanor.
What?
You want
your kiss back?
No.
Poor darling. I'm very
worried about her.
You know,
she wouldn't eat
a stick of hay
all morning.
[Moos]
So, I cooked her
something nice and warm
in her condition.
Want me to translate
that for you?
Oh, no, no, no.
I understand her perfectly.
Well, not perfectly,
but...
Well, what did you bring
for old Eleanor?
Hot cakes.
Hot cakes.
Very interesting.
Well, not interesting...
She can't eat those!
Even I can't eat--
i mean...
I know what you mean,
but I brought it
for someone
who appreciates
good cooking.
There you are,
darling.
You're wasting
your time.
A cow
will not eat...
[Smacking]
Would you like
to have another one?
Smart guy.
Did you ever
hear of a cow
that ate hot cakes?
Mr. Douglas, animals
do a lot of things
that we in the department
just don't understand.
I remember, the chief
once had a prize hen.
Well, it wasn't
a prize hen...
It just liked to lay eggs
in a loving cup.
It had the same strange
taste that Eleanor has.
You mean, it liked
hot cakes?
No. Rutabagas
with chili.
You don't expect me
to believe that!
Have you ever read
the department of agriculture
bulletin number 228-74?
No, I haven't.
Well, you ought
to read that sometime.
Oh! I have
a meeting at 3:00,
and, uh, uh...
No, that was yesterday.
Or is it tomorrow?
Well, I have to be
someplace at 3:00,
and I better be there--
wherever it is.
Oh, Mr. kimball,
is there anything
special we should do
for Eleanor?
No. You're doing
all you can.
Well, not all you can,
but, uh...
Well, just keep up
with the hot cakes
and the comforter,
but don't overdue
the rutabagas with chili.
No, that's for chickens.
Well, bye.
Darling, isn't
Mr. kimball helpful?
Did you understand
what he said?
Every word.
Well,
not every word,
but most of it.
Well, I didn't
understand
most of it...
Where are you going?
I'm going to catch
a barracuda for supper.
Kate, Kate, I got
some great news.
Guess what?
You got a job!
Look, if you're going
to joke about it,
I won't tell you.
I wasn't joking.
Well, I'll tell you
anyway.
The douglases
are going to have
a b-a-b-i-e.
A babbie?
don't anyone
know how to spell
around here anymore?
The douglases are
going to have a baby.
Oh! That's wonderful!
Who told you?
Haney. He sold them
a cradle this morning.
Well, I bet Mr. Douglas
is excited.
Yeah. Haney said he
acted just like
a newborn father.
He won't admit it.
Oh, I don't
believe that.
Haney said he tried
to make him believe
that the cradle was
for that dog
of theirs mignon.
That's min-yon.
That's the way haney
said Douglas acted.
When is the stork due?
I don't know.
You know, maybe
i should go over and see
if there's anything I can
do to help Mrs. Douglas.
What's this for?
Sweeping the porch.
Mrs. Douglas!
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Bradley.
Why, you shouldn't
be standing on chairs!
The only way I can find
what I'm looking for.
Well, you get down
and I'll look.
Oh, would you?
Well, sure.
Thank you.
How are you feeling?
Well, I'm a little
tired today.
Well, I can
understand that.
Uh, oh! What're you
looking for?
A can of rutabagas
and chili.
Rutabagas and chili?
You know something?
I don't think
they come in cans,
or any place else.
But, how about
some pickles?
No. Rutabagas
and chili.
Well, when I go
back to the hotel,
maybe I can
fix you some.
Would you?
Sure.
Uncle Joe told me
the good news.
Oh, Oliver wanted
to keep it a secret.
Well, I won't say
a word.
This is your first,
huh?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I've only been here
6 weeks.
But...Rutabagas
and chili, huh?
Well, maybe I can fix
you some for supper.
Oh, no, no. We're
having fish for supper.
Oliver is in the barn
catching a barracuda.
Barracuda...
I'll tell him
you are here.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'll find him.
You stay
right there.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley!
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Did you have
any luck?
Oh, this belongs
to eb.
Have you seen Lisa?
Yes. I was just
talking to her.
Um...Mr. Douglas,
is she feeling all right?
Well, she's
a little tired.
You know,
she was up
until 3:00
this morning,
holding an umbrella
over the cow.
Well, I, uh,
i heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thank you,
thank you.
You know, you've had
a lot of experience
with this,
haven't you?
Oh, yeah.
We had 3.
Tell me, did you
have any help?
Yes.
You think it's
really necessary?
Well, uh...
Mr. kimball was here
this morning.
He said there should
be no problems.
Mr. kimball?
Yeah. She's healthy.
She's strong.
You know,
she ate
a whole plate
of hot cakes
out in front
of the barn
this morning?
Really?
Well, I think
i better get back
to the hotel,
Mr. Douglas.
No, no.
Stay for supper.
No, thank you.
Uh...
Barracuda doesn't
agree with me.
Where do they catch
barracuda around here?
Mr. Douglas!
Mr. Douglas!
What's the matter?
Eleanor's going
to have her calf.
Oh, darling, what
are we going to do?
I'll get a vet.
Oh, I'd better
stay with her.
She shouldn't be left alone
at a time like this.
Where can
i get a vet?
There's doc Johnson
over in crabwell
corners.
[Truck chugging]
[Brakes screeching]
Aah!
Mother!
Dr. Fillmore, what
are you doing here?
I brought him.
What for?
Well, your mother
heard the news,
and she got
hysterical...
Hysterical?
Just because
we're having a...
Lisa:
Oliver, help!
Sounds like
the stork's on his way.
What? Oh, Lisa!
She's not in there.
She's in the barn.
The barn?
How could you?
Lisa: Oliver,
come quickly!
Oh, doctor,
please! Please!
Now, you got
this all--
don't you
speak to me!
Oliver, how could you
do a thing like this?
In the barn!
I suppose tomorrow,
you'll have her
out in the fields!
Why not?
Why not?
Oliver, you are no
longer a son of mine.
I disown you.
Mother!
Oh, Lisa.
Get back
in that barn!
The doctor just
chased me out.
He what?
Darling, the doctor
said the calf will
be here any moment.
Calf?
Yes. That's what
I've been trying
to tell you.
Our cow's having a calf.
But, Mr. Carson
told me--
I thought that she...
Uhh!
Ohh!
For crying out loud.
Just have this
filled out,
and give it to her
twice a day.
Thank you, doctor.
I know this
is a little bit
out of your line.
Oh, that's all right.
It was a nice
change of pace.
And don't worry
about the calf.
She's a fine,
healthy girl.
Mother, we're going
to name her after you.
Eunice cow.
Thank you.
Good-bye, Lisa.
Good-bye,
darling.
Good-bye, Oliver.
Good-bye, grandma.
Grandma?
We're ready,
Mr. haney.
Are you sure you don't
want to sit up front?
Not without
a seatbelt.
Come along, doctor,
you can treat me
on the way home.
Uh, Mr. Douglas,
now, about that calf...
Uh, Mr. haney,
that calf belongs to us.
You've got
no claim on her.
Oliver's going
to fight you
in every court.
Oh, but I don't want
to fight you.
You can have the calf.
She's yours.
Well!
Just pay me 50 cents
a day rental for her.
Out.
But, I...
Out!
[Starts engine]
Good-bye, mother!
Good-bye, grandma!
Well, we had quite
a day, didn't we?
Oh, it isn't
over yet.
Eleanor isn't
the only one
who needs rutabagas
and chili.
Lisa...
Oh, not me, darling.
Alice.
[Cheeping]
Captioning made possible by
mgm home entertainment
mgm home entertainment
Oliver: ♪ green acres
is the place to be ♪
♪ farm livin'
is the life for me ♪
♪ land spreadin' out
so far and wide ♪
♪ keep Manhattan,
just give me that countryside ♪
Lisa: ♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay ♪
♪ I get allergic
smelling hay ♪
♪ I just adore
a penthouse view ♪
♪ darling I love you,
but give me park Avenue ♪
♪ the chores ♪
♪ the stores ♪
♪ fresh air ♪
♪ Times Square ♪
♪ you are my wife ♪
♪ good-bye,
city life ♪
♪ green acres,
we are there ♪
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
[Sizzling]
[Thunder]
[Thunder]
Ooh!
Isn't this cozy?
[Thunder]
Ohh!
Our first rain storm,
and here we are,
snug against
the elements.
[Clunk]
Oh, darling,
I'm scared.
There's nothing
to be scared about.
This house is built
to stand. It's strong.
[Wind howling]
[Thunder]
It got weak
doorknobs.
Aw, that's nothing.
The penthouse
in New York
didn't have
weak doorknobs.
Honey...
Or loose bricks
in the fireplace.
Lisa...
And holes
in the roof.
Lisa, this rain is good
for our wheat crop.
Well, I'm not
a wheat crop.
Darling, couldn't
you fix the roof?
Yeah. Soon as
the rain stops.
But then we
won't need it.
I can't fix it
while it's raining.
Oh, we sprung
another leak.
I'll put a pan
under it.
Oh, oh, oh!
Oliver!
Sorry.
Oh, pardon,
mignon.
I wish mignon
had enough room
down there
for for me.
That's one of
my best hats!
It was $125.
$125?
It doesn't even
hold water!
[Knocking on door]
Who is it?
Eb: It's me!
Let me in!
Just a minute.
[Wind howling and thunder]
Oh, what's that?
Wood for the fire?
No, sir. I found
this outside.
It's the porch rail.
Where do you
want it?
Oh, put it
right over there.
I'll fix it
as soon as
it stops raining.
I thought you were
going to fix the roof
when it stopped raining.
I'll do that, too.
You going to fix
the barn door?
What's wrong
with it?
I don't know.
I can't find it.
Did it blow off?
No, sir, it's still
on the barn,
wherever that is.
What?
Just joking.
I don't think
that's funny!
It got a big laugh
on the Beverly
hillbillies.
You see,
granny came in--
look, will you spare me?
I'm not interested.
Mr. Douglas, I got
some exciting news.
The coast guard wants us
to abandon ship?
What is it?
Well...
[Whispering]
Lisa...
Do you know what?
How could I?
He didn't whisper
loud enough!
Our cow Eleanor's
expecting!
Expecting what?
She's expecting
a calf.
Oh! I didn't even
know she was married.
Oh! Cows don't
get married.
Eb!
They don't even
get engaged.
Eb, please...
How is she?
Oh, fine. She's just
a little wet.
The barn's leaking
to beat anything.
Oh, the poor thing.
In her condition...
Lisa, cows are
used to being wet.
They stand out
all the time
in the rain
and the snow.
Maybe your cows do,
but not mine.
Lisa, that's
our comforter.
Eleanor needs
comforting much more
than we do right now.
She's going to be
a mother.
Honey, she's a cow.
A cow by another name
is still a mother.
[Moos]
That doesn't
make sense.
It would if you
were a mother.
My arm's
getting tired.
Oh, you don't have
to hold that umbrella.
Oh, yes, you have
to hold it.
You hold it.
Oh, this is
ridiculous.
[Moos]
She wants it!
Look, I'm not going
to stay here all night
holding am umbrella
over a wet cow.
All right, then,
I'll hold it.
[Moos]
Oh, you're welcome.
Come on, eb, let's
get out of here.
[Thunder]
Men...They don't understand
us women at a time like this.
You want a pickle
or something?
I'll get you some
first thing in the morning.
[Rooster crowing]
[Thud]
[Crash]
[Eleanor mooing]
Shh!
Moo!
Eleanor, who brought
you in here?
Mrs. Douglas.
What did she...
What is she doing
in the kitchen?
She ain't cooking
breakfast.
She's supposed to be
in the barn.
Mrs. Douglas left
a note about that.
[Lisa's voice]
Darling, I got tired
of holding
the umbrella,
so I brought Eleanor
in the kitchen.
She should keep dry
at 3:00 in the morning.
P.S. don't wake me.
What?
That's what it says,
darling.
Take Eleanor back
to the barn.
[Chugging]
[Gears screeching]
That sounds like
Mr. haney's truck.
Sounds like he's really
got it loaded down today.
Well, whatever
he's got on it,
I am not buying.
Maybe you ought to.
Take his mind off Eleanor.
Eleanor?
Want me to hide her?
Why?
Well, she must've been
in her condition
when he sold her to you,
so he'll claim the calf.
Oh, come on!
Did the same thing
to Henry Cartwright.
Went to court,
and Mr. haney won.
Well, if he wants to
get me into court,
he'll find out he's
up against somebody
who knows something
about law.
After all,
I'm an attorney.
You ever tried a case
in the superior court
of pixley...
Judge haney presiding?
Judge haney?
Mr. haney's grandfather.
Well, if we get
into court,
he'll have to
disqualify himself.
We'll get
another judge.
The other judge
is his uncle.
Hangin' haney.
Oh...Well...
Better take my advice
and let me hide her.
All right, if it
will make you happy.
Haney: Mr. Douglas!
I'd better take her
out the front way.
Good morning,
Mr. Douglas!
Shh!
Mrs. Douglas is
still sleeping.
[Crash]
What was that?
Nothing.
[Thumping]
Oh, it was mignon.
She's very clumsy.
Uh, what have you
got on your truck
this morning?
Oh, nothing you'd
be interested in.
Just a lot of junk that
i got back from a fella
I had to take to court.
The judge
awarded them to me.
Uh, which judge?
Your uncle or
your grandfather?
My cousin--
no bail haney.
By the way,
Mr. Douglas,
how's Eleanor?
Why do you ask?
Well, I just
ain't seen her.
Well, she, uh--
eb took her out
for a walk.
A walk?
Yes. She's been
cooped up.
The rain and all.
Say...
I'd love to see
what you've got
on your truck today.
I just might be
in the mood
to buy something.
See anything there
you like?
How about
the moose head?
Oh, that's not
for sale.
I'm taking that home
to Polish the antlers
and clean the eyeballs
fer a feller.
Wait a second...
There's something
you might like.
You mind
holding this?
Now, come over here...
Where the light's good.
You recognize
this feller?
Fellow?
It's a self-portrait--
Beethoven.
He was a composer.
That's why he's made
his self up like this.
He didn't want folks to
know he was a-paintin'.
I don't think
that I'm in the market.
Good morning,
darling.
Well, good morning.
I think she was
talking to me.
What's that?
That's a portrait
of Beethoven
when he was
a young girl.
I mean, what you
have in your hands.
Oh, this?
This is a cradle.
That would be
just right for--
Lisa!
Darling,
did you tell Mr. haney
about the good news?
What good news?
Oh, it's
a family matter.
A family matter?
Well, you see, i--
um, how much
you want for this?
Well, it's an antique.
You know that this
come over on the--
I'll take it.
You don't want
to hear
the story
that goes with it?
No.
I do.
Lisa, go back to sleep.
You need your rest.
I'll give you
$10 for the cradle.
Well, you could've
had it for 8,
if you'd listened
to the story.
There.
Now, if I need
anything else,
I'll let you know.
Hey, Mr. Douglas,
you buying that for--
uh, mignon.
Mignon is expecting
the stork, too?
No--uh, yes.
I'll explain later.
Well, I can tell
that you got a lot
going on
around here.
Best I be running along.
Yes. Thank you
very much, Mr. haney.
Are you sure?
Sam, why would he buy
a $6.00 cradle for $10,
that I would've
sold him for 8?
That don't mean
they're expecting.
Did they come
right out and say
they're going
to have a baby?
Mrs. Douglas was
trying to tell me,
and he kept
shushing her.
I'm convinced.
Have a cigar, haney.
Hold it!
That'll be 20 cents.
Charge it
to Mr. Douglas.
What?
He's going to be
passing them out
eventually, anyhow.
If Mr. Douglas wants
to pass out cigars
for his baby,
that's up to him.
Well, I got to go home
and knock down
my chicken Coop.
What for?
The douglases
are going to need
a load of new lumber
for the nursery.
That haney...
[Ringing]
Get that,
will you, Joe?
Will I get
a cigar?
No!
Drucker's store,
run by drucker
the cheapskate.
Just answer it!
don't make
editorial
comments.
Hello? Hello?
Hello, hello,
yourself.
Who is this?
Who is this?
I am Mr. Douglas' mother.
I'm calling
from New York,
and I'd like--
hi, eunice.
How are you, honey?
Oh...Is this
Mr. Carson?
It ain't
Vincent Lopez.
I'm trying to get
in touch with my son.
Oh. He been avoiding
you again, huh?
The hooterville operator
said that the lines
to his farm were down
because of the storm.
I can take a message
for you, grandma.
Mr. Carson...
My name is Mrs. Douglas.
You want the kid
to call you that?
What kid?
Well, I guess you ain't
heard the news yet.
The young Mrs. Douglas
is having a b-a-b-i-e.
B-a-b-i-e?
What is a babbie?
don't you know how
to spell? That's baby.
I can sp...
A baby?
Yeah. Say, uh, would
it be all right
if I got a cigar
and charged it
to your son in honor
of the occasion?
Get off this phone,
you clod!
I've got important
things to do!
A baby! Oh!
A baby!
[Gasps]
Oh, that poor child...
In hooterville!
Cut off from civilization
at a time like this!
Good afternoon,
Mr. Douglas.
Hi, Mr. kimball.
Barn get flooded
last night?
Oh, just
a little water.
Eb and I are
bailing it out.
You like to do a little
indoor skin-diving,
Mr. kimball?
Where did you
get those?
The feller in the boat
gave them to me.
The boat?
Mr. kimball, is there
any law against fishing
for barracuda in a barn?
Keep bailing.
Yes, sir.
He's quite a comic.
Yeah.
Of course, there is
a law about fishing
for barracuda in a barn,
or is it trout?
No, it's barracuda.
I remember one time
at the county agents meeting,
we had this other agent--
Mr. kimball,
i want to talk
to you
about Eleanor.
I was going
to ask you about her.
Is she sick?
Oh, no, no.
She's expecting.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you,
thank you.
Gives you a warm
feeling, doesn't it?
Yeah. I can imagine.
Why?
Uh, well, uh, I mean,
she's the first thing
born on my farm.
My fields are all
planted with wheat.
I feel like
a real farmer.
Yeah. I see
what you mean.
Yeah.
I don't really
see what you mean,
but if that's
what you want.
Although I don't know
why you want it.
Well, I guess
i can see it.
It kind of gives you
a warm feeling.
Yeah. That's
what I said.
About what?
About the calf
and the wheat.
Oh. That's where
i heard it.
Oh, hello,
Mr. kimball.
What've you
got there?
I brought lunch.
Oh, that's very
sweet of you.
Heh. For Eleanor.
What?
You want
your kiss back?
No.
Poor darling. I'm very
worried about her.
You know,
she wouldn't eat
a stick of hay
all morning.
[Moos]
So, I cooked her
something nice and warm
in her condition.
Want me to translate
that for you?
Oh, no, no, no.
I understand her perfectly.
Well, not perfectly,
but...
Well, what did you bring
for old Eleanor?
Hot cakes.
Hot cakes.
Very interesting.
Well, not interesting...
She can't eat those!
Even I can't eat--
i mean...
I know what you mean,
but I brought it
for someone
who appreciates
good cooking.
There you are,
darling.
You're wasting
your time.
A cow
will not eat...
[Smacking]
Would you like
to have another one?
Smart guy.
Did you ever
hear of a cow
that ate hot cakes?
Mr. Douglas, animals
do a lot of things
that we in the department
just don't understand.
I remember, the chief
once had a prize hen.
Well, it wasn't
a prize hen...
It just liked to lay eggs
in a loving cup.
It had the same strange
taste that Eleanor has.
You mean, it liked
hot cakes?
No. Rutabagas
with chili.
You don't expect me
to believe that!
Have you ever read
the department of agriculture
bulletin number 228-74?
No, I haven't.
Well, you ought
to read that sometime.
Oh! I have
a meeting at 3:00,
and, uh, uh...
No, that was yesterday.
Or is it tomorrow?
Well, I have to be
someplace at 3:00,
and I better be there--
wherever it is.
Oh, Mr. kimball,
is there anything
special we should do
for Eleanor?
No. You're doing
all you can.
Well, not all you can,
but, uh...
Well, just keep up
with the hot cakes
and the comforter,
but don't overdue
the rutabagas with chili.
No, that's for chickens.
Well, bye.
Darling, isn't
Mr. kimball helpful?
Did you understand
what he said?
Every word.
Well,
not every word,
but most of it.
Well, I didn't
understand
most of it...
Where are you going?
I'm going to catch
a barracuda for supper.
Kate, Kate, I got
some great news.
Guess what?
You got a job!
Look, if you're going
to joke about it,
I won't tell you.
I wasn't joking.
Well, I'll tell you
anyway.
The douglases
are going to have
a b-a-b-i-e.
A babbie?
don't anyone
know how to spell
around here anymore?
The douglases are
going to have a baby.
Oh! That's wonderful!
Who told you?
Haney. He sold them
a cradle this morning.
Well, I bet Mr. Douglas
is excited.
Yeah. Haney said he
acted just like
a newborn father.
He won't admit it.
Oh, I don't
believe that.
Haney said he tried
to make him believe
that the cradle was
for that dog
of theirs mignon.
That's min-yon.
That's the way haney
said Douglas acted.
When is the stork due?
I don't know.
You know, maybe
i should go over and see
if there's anything I can
do to help Mrs. Douglas.
What's this for?
Sweeping the porch.
Mrs. Douglas!
Oh, hello,
Mrs. Bradley.
Why, you shouldn't
be standing on chairs!
The only way I can find
what I'm looking for.
Well, you get down
and I'll look.
Oh, would you?
Well, sure.
Thank you.
How are you feeling?
Well, I'm a little
tired today.
Well, I can
understand that.
Uh, oh! What're you
looking for?
A can of rutabagas
and chili.
Rutabagas and chili?
You know something?
I don't think
they come in cans,
or any place else.
But, how about
some pickles?
No. Rutabagas
and chili.
Well, when I go
back to the hotel,
maybe I can
fix you some.
Would you?
Sure.
Uncle Joe told me
the good news.
Oh, Oliver wanted
to keep it a secret.
Well, I won't say
a word.
This is your first,
huh?
I don't know.
You don't know?
I've only been here
6 weeks.
But...Rutabagas
and chili, huh?
Well, maybe I can fix
you some for supper.
Oh, no, no. We're
having fish for supper.
Oliver is in the barn
catching a barracuda.
Barracuda...
I'll tell him
you are here.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'll find him.
You stay
right there.
Oh, Mrs. Bradley!
Hello, Mr. Douglas.
Did you have
any luck?
Oh, this belongs
to eb.
Have you seen Lisa?
Yes. I was just
talking to her.
Um...Mr. Douglas,
is she feeling all right?
Well, she's
a little tired.
You know,
she was up
until 3:00
this morning,
holding an umbrella
over the cow.
Well, I, uh,
i heard the good news.
Congratulations.
Thank you,
thank you.
You know, you've had
a lot of experience
with this,
haven't you?
Oh, yeah.
We had 3.
Tell me, did you
have any help?
Yes.
You think it's
really necessary?
Well, uh...
Mr. kimball was here
this morning.
He said there should
be no problems.
Mr. kimball?
Yeah. She's healthy.
She's strong.
You know,
she ate
a whole plate
of hot cakes
out in front
of the barn
this morning?
Really?
Well, I think
i better get back
to the hotel,
Mr. Douglas.
No, no.
Stay for supper.
No, thank you.
Uh...
Barracuda doesn't
agree with me.
Where do they catch
barracuda around here?
Mr. Douglas!
Mr. Douglas!
What's the matter?
Eleanor's going
to have her calf.
Oh, darling, what
are we going to do?
I'll get a vet.
Oh, I'd better
stay with her.
She shouldn't be left alone
at a time like this.
Where can
i get a vet?
There's doc Johnson
over in crabwell
corners.
[Truck chugging]
[Brakes screeching]
Aah!
Mother!
Dr. Fillmore, what
are you doing here?
I brought him.
What for?
Well, your mother
heard the news,
and she got
hysterical...
Hysterical?
Just because
we're having a...
Lisa:
Oliver, help!
Sounds like
the stork's on his way.
What? Oh, Lisa!
She's not in there.
She's in the barn.
The barn?
How could you?
Lisa: Oliver,
come quickly!
Oh, doctor,
please! Please!
Now, you got
this all--
don't you
speak to me!
Oliver, how could you
do a thing like this?
In the barn!
I suppose tomorrow,
you'll have her
out in the fields!
Why not?
Why not?
Oliver, you are no
longer a son of mine.
I disown you.
Mother!
Oh, Lisa.
Get back
in that barn!
The doctor just
chased me out.
He what?
Darling, the doctor
said the calf will
be here any moment.
Calf?
Yes. That's what
I've been trying
to tell you.
Our cow's having a calf.
But, Mr. Carson
told me--
I thought that she...
Uhh!
Ohh!
For crying out loud.
Just have this
filled out,
and give it to her
twice a day.
Thank you, doctor.
I know this
is a little bit
out of your line.
Oh, that's all right.
It was a nice
change of pace.
And don't worry
about the calf.
She's a fine,
healthy girl.
Mother, we're going
to name her after you.
Eunice cow.
Thank you.
Good-bye, Lisa.
Good-bye,
darling.
Good-bye, Oliver.
Good-bye, grandma.
Grandma?
We're ready,
Mr. haney.
Are you sure you don't
want to sit up front?
Not without
a seatbelt.
Come along, doctor,
you can treat me
on the way home.
Uh, Mr. Douglas,
now, about that calf...
Uh, Mr. haney,
that calf belongs to us.
You've got
no claim on her.
Oliver's going
to fight you
in every court.
Oh, but I don't want
to fight you.
You can have the calf.
She's yours.
Well!
Just pay me 50 cents
a day rental for her.
Out.
But, I...
Out!
[Starts engine]
Good-bye, mother!
Good-bye, grandma!
Well, we had quite
a day, didn't we?
Oh, it isn't
over yet.
Eleanor isn't
the only one
who needs rutabagas
and chili.
Lisa...
Oh, not me, darling.
Alice.
[Cheeping]
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