Greek (2007–2011): Season 2, Episode 20 - Isn't It Bro-mantic? - full transcript

Previously...

Why do you always
have to go to extremes?

First it was taunting Casey
and then breaking Rusty's nose.

And then, rubbing a townie
in Frannie's face.

- You're leaving.
- It's just one month.

- I love you.
- I love you.

I'm with Max.

Why can't you find someone else
is perfect for you?

Because no other girl in the world
compares to you.

- It's old habits.
- Old habits

like having a great time together.
What does that tell you?



- It tells me that we can't be friends.
- See you around.

I'm sorry for the douche move.
I knew you wanted her first

and I made my move anyway.

Last night,
under the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel

I fell for you.

What do you think about this one?

For dinner with Jordan
or Desert Storm?

Crap.

Why are you sweating this date?
You ve been together for a week already.

I'm sure she knows by now
you can't dress yourself.

This is different.
This isn't just hanging out.

This is a real date.

At a restaurant.

With reservations.



I even borrowed Casey's car.
Hey, is this still stylish?

Was it ever?

She just got out of a relationship
with Andy, who dresses like a pop star.

And now she's dating me.
So I gotta step it up.

The crucial first real date.
Always awkward.

You know,
I usually take the band-aid approach.

Rip the damn thing off,

let the scab heal,
and move on to the next one.

It's gonna be intimate.
Candlelit. Amazing.

And scab-free.

And if everything goes well,
you can stay at Jordan's

- and I can sleep in your room tonight.
- Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I thought things quieted down since
Griffin and his girlfriend broke up.

They did. But Griffin's getting
over his heartbreak

with a steady rotation of Tri-Pis.

You have no idea
how much those girls love dirty talk.

Now instead of living in a porno,

t's like I'm listening
to the director's audio commentary.

If you need it,
Dale's at a barn-raising this weekend

trying to convert some Amish people

so his bed's open.

Yeah, the futon's OK.

- That one's not bad.
- Really?

Not bad, as in:

"I'm so happy this guy
is my amazing new boyfriend", not bad?

Exactly.

It's Dale's.

Really shows it off, right?

You might want to wear a jacket.

You know, I have to say,
as weird as it is to be the one

who's not going out tonight,
watching the "getting ready" routine

from this point of view
is quite interesting.

Where's my sculpting gel?
Jenny, you're a fricking klepto!

And a little scary.

You know you love it.

You sure you don't want
to come out with me?

We're gonna go see some movie
called 9 1/2 Weeks at the Titan.

And be the third wheel
to a soft-core porn trip to the movies?

Thanks, but not my style, Ash.

Bye, Jessicas!
Don't drink too much.

Are you sure?

Cause I hate the thought
of you spending another night alone.

No way. Since Max's been gone,
I've gotten so much done.

Cleaning, organizing. I'm thinking
about taking up an instrument.

Besides, Max is gonna call me any minute
and then it's going to be two hours

of catching-up talk, followed by...

gross-when-it's-other-people
but-cute-when-it's-you phone smooching.

Melinda, Hilary.
Remember, sex isn't love!

All right, if you say so.

Well that sucks.

"OK. Love you."

Don't you just love long,
scalding hot showers,

they're so invigorating!

Totally.

So, Betsy,
what are you up to tonight?

I'm just going out to dinner with Vince.
What about you?

I don't know.

I guess I might just hang out
at the house. Watch TV or something.

Really? Do they still have television
on Friday nights?

I think so.

Do you want to join us?

-=Greek 220=-
"Isn't It Bro-mantic"

Timing: Kappa Team

- Yeah, how're you doing?
- Good.

This is a really nice restaurant.

I know, they have reservations
and everything.

I told you our first date
was going to be special.

I thought you meant we'd sneak wine
coolers into a movie or something.

May I help you?

Reservation for two, please.
Under Cartwright, Russell.

I'm sorry, I'm not seeing
anything here, Mr. Russell.

It's under Cartwright.
Russell's my first name.

Then why'd you say it second?

I was...

just being fancy.

We're preparing your table now,
Mr. Cartwright, Russell.

Miss? Can you make sure
it is your finest table?

It's the only table we have left.

Wonderful.

Rusty, this is so sweet.
Thank you.

It's just you and me,

and the romantic ambiance...

and my sister.

Isn't that one of our pledges?

So hot, man. So hot.

You're missing quite
the story in there.

Griff's Tri-Pi

broke out a leather riding crop.

The riding crop.

I remember it well.

It was after the role playing,
but before the toe sucking.

Good times.

I don't know
why he wants to be a dermatologist

because he obviously has
such a jump start on gynecology.

Stop by around 3:00 this morning
and ask him. I'm sure we'll be up.

You know, I gotta run right now,

but listen, maybe later

we'll reopen that roommate request
you'd asked about.

Yeah, Ev. That'd be great.

Hang in there, man.

- Mind if I crash your study spot?
- Yeah, Grant. Pull up a chair.

That is, if you don't mind studying
in the middle of a bachelor party.

It must get tedious for you,

to listen to those hook up stories
from all the brothers.

Whatever. It's like watching
an episode of Entourage.

Except cheaper.

And actually watchable.

But you don't feel isolated?

Sometimes, but...

it's a cross I have to bear
being the only gay guy at Omega Chi.

Not necessarily...

Marco?

I so knew that Men's Fitnesssubscription
had nothing to do

- with his flabby calves.
- Not Marco.

Pierre?

I thought he was just really French.

You?

There it is.

Does anyone else in the house know?

No, just you.
I've told a few friends from back home.

But I'm just not ready
to announce it to the world yet.

That's great, man.

I don't know what to say.

Welcome to gay.

I hope I'm ready.

- Who's your favorite singer?
- Britney.

- Movie?
- Hairspray?

Fashion designer?

Too slow. Thanks for playing.

No, but two out of three
on your GaySaTs? You'll be fine.

It's so crowded in here.

I called for these reservations
a couple of hours

after our Art History midterm.

That's great.

I love it.

I'm so glad that...

Sorry!

Nothing to see there.

Please enjoy your night.

How long have you been together now?

Six months last Tuesday!

That's great.
I'm proud of you two.

It must make not drinking a lot easier
when you have a partner who's an alco...

not drinking.

Vince had to give his chip back.

I said I was sorry.

He went to a CRU game last week
and ran into his old friend, Mr. Vodka.

But it's fine.
It's fine, really!

It's fine.

- Would you look at all these salads.
- You know what's a funny word?

- Radicchio.
- Well, everybody makes mistakes.

See? She gets it.
Why can't you?

Radicchio is a funny word.

Let's not talk about it, OK?
It's called Anonymous for a reason.

You didn't have a problem
blabbing to my mom about it.

I never said anything
about you being drunk.

She asked where you were
and I said, "Asleep in the bushes."

You guys, let's order.

Let me start with our specials.

We have a Penne ala Vodka.

That sounds good.

You are never gonna change!

- I gotta...
- Go.

So... can I start you off
with an appetizer?

That was bad.

It's OK, Casey.
It wasn't your fault.

No, they just left.

They were my ride.

- We can give you a ride.
- Really?

- That's so sweet.
- But we haven't ordered yet.

It might be awhile.

That's OK, neither have I.

Have you seen how many salads
they have on the menu?

I can't decide!

Maybe we could order a few different
ones and then we can all share?

Alice, right?

You were in my Econ class
last semester.

It's been a while.

- Kha'y.
- Kha'y.

It's good to see you.

Amphoras!

Kha'y!

I'm pleased to say that the Alumni

and I have been impressed
with each and every one of...

you.

Tonight we give you your final task

before we leave you to make
of the Society what you will.

It is a Rite of Passage.
It is a task of critic...

- Grand Master Bowman?
- Mr. Cappie,

does this question pertain
to the Amphora Society?

Is it relevant
to our centuries-old tradition,

and not just something
about a society mascot,

or if Joshua Jackson
and/or Paul Walker

will be speaking to the group?

Yes, sir. The first one.
The centuries-old tradition one.

- What's your question?
- Thank you very much, sir.

I was wondering...

Is there a secret dry cleaner
for these robes?

Just because, you know,

I don't really wanna get
that out there in the...

in the general public. Plus,
they do such a good job there at the...

cleaners.
So, I was wondering, did...

if you know of a place?

You are the most...

accomplished,
and promising students at CRU...

Believe me, if I could shoot myself
a quizzical look, I would right now.

But tomorrow night,
we will ask you to tell us

about the people
behind those impressive resumes

by performing the traditional
Amphora Emotional Purge.

In an effort to strip away
the psychological masks

and safeguards that would prevent

your fellow Amphoras
from knowing your true selves,

you will stand before us
and reveal everything.

- Naked party.
- Your disappointments,

your mistakes,

your embarrassments,
your worst secrets

and your most agonizing
emotional heartaches.

Be prepared. We'll see you then.

It sounds like we're about to get
to know each other really fast.

I guess it comes
with a secret society.

Know what else comes
with a secret society? Me.

Hi, I'm Cappie. Don't tell anybody.
It's a secret.

If I would've known she'll be here,
I'd have suggested roller skating.

Well, for future reference,
you should know

I'm wicked at skee-ball
and ass at air hockey.

Despite everything, I still had fun.

Really?

Yeah. I was with you.

You're so great.

I'm so sorry! I slipped.

Please. Go back to...

You know.

- Oh, my god.
- See you tomorrow.

I'm not sure Jordan liked the movie.

You couldn't just taken a cab home
from the restaurant?

- But this is my car.
- It was the worst first date ever.

First dates are always terrible.
I treat them like a band-aid and...

Rip them off.
Yeah, I know. I get it.

Let's just go.

You know, it's still pretty early.
You want to go bowling or something?

Are you being serious right now?

- Dobler's?
- Let's go.

Are you mad at me or something?

Oh my God, have you seen
this movie 9 1/2 Weeks?

So there's this scene where the mom
from 8 Mile strips to this song...

I think I've just reached my threshold.
Sorry, Ash,

I can't stomach any more
straight sex stories.

Right.

Griffin. Sorry.

So tell me about your night.

You know, nothing too exciting.

Hung out at the house,
studied a little bit,

- and a brother secretly came out to me.
- Was it Marco?

Oh my God, 'cause he's my pick in our
"Next to Come Out at Omega Chi" pool.

- His nails are nicer than mine.
- I'm not telling you.

Because you're the one who outed me. And
every time you out a guy to his house,

- a fairy loses its wings.
- No! Come on, you have to tell me.

- I learned my lesson.
- Nope.

Tell me please.

- Tell me, I'm dying.
- All right, fine.

It's not Marco.

- It's Grant.
- What?

- Yeah.
- It's always the hot ones.

Anything happen after that?

What? Because we're both gay,
we have to hook up?

No. Because Grant's awesome. And...

You guys would make
the cutest couple.

Well,
Grant does have a few of the...

OK, all the qualities I look for
in a prospective boyfriend.

But you know what they say,
you can't have gay sex where you eat.

Then don't screw around
in the kitchen.

Not gonna happen. He hasn't come out
to the rest of the house.

Why not? Omega Chi is fine
with you being gay.

Yeah, one gay.
I mean, two of us hooking up?

That's when they have to start worrying
about having next year's Rush underneath

a rainbow banner.

Stop making excuses.

Fisher and I were worried about
how ZBZ would handle our relationship.

But we came out to everyone
and now everything's great.

Yeah,
This isn't really the same thing.

Fine, don't go after the hot guy
you have tons in common with.

Your loss. And his.

- Hi!
- Hey, Case.

You want me to call Jordan over?
You can ruin breakfast for us, too.

OK, so maybe your first date
wasn't the best date ever,

but from where I was sitting

it looked pretty romantic.

And where you were sitting
was very, very close.

You can't be mad at me.

No, I love having my sister
go on dates with me.

It's not that big of a deal!

Remember when Charlie Adams

took you to see Planet of the Apes
with Mark Wahlberg

and I begged Mom to make you take me
because I wanted to see it so badly?

- No! It's not the same...
- Yes. The only thing different,

is that you didn't get yourself
sick on Sno-Caps and Mr. Pibb.

I'm so sorry, Rusty.

It's fine.

You've got to let me
make it up to you.

How about
a fun brother-sister mall day?

We could have lunch, shop,

I can help you pick out some
new shirts that are a little more...

... of the same
because your shirts are so handsome!

What do you say?

I gotta meet Jordan
for coffee in a little bit

and I've got stuff to do
at the house all day.

What about Sunday?

Yeah.

Maybe.

What about brunch?

Great!

- Sounds like a plan.
- Great. I'll call you.

"I'll call you." Great, brunch.

Alice in Wonderland.

- Cappie, hi.
- Hello.

You ready for tonight? Have you taken
full inventory of your scarred psyche?

I just had a conference call
with all my therapists,

even the one from when I was five.

And apparently,
I used to cheat at Candyland!

Kinda damaging.

- What's going on, guys?
- Evan, hi!

Cappie and I were discussing
tonight's Emotional Purge.

That's funny... But listen,

I don't think the three of us should be
standing around like this in public.

Because The Amphoras have a big presence
in the Defense Department.

So a missile... could just,
you know...

come on and hit us at any moment.

Just...

So, Evan, have you thought about
what you're gonna say tonight?

I'm not sure
if I trust everyone in the group

with my deepest,
darkest secrets, so...

We're all feeling that.
I'm sure you'll be great.

And I'm officially late
for student government.

But I'll see you guys later tonight!

- You not find me trustworthy?
- You find that surprising?

What makes you think I'm gonna
purge secrets to Evan Chambers?

Why do you feel the need to call me
by my full name every time we talk?

I like it. It makes you sound
like a comic book villain.

So why don't you trust me,
Evan Chambers?

Don't know, you just apologized
for cutting in on Casey,

now you're doing
the same thing with Alice.

- Is that trustworthy?
- Stop crying, Evita.

Firstly, Alice and I were talking,
not picking out window treatments.

And second,
you did not see her before me.

I seem to recall
my hood being pulled off first.

You're unbelievable, you know that?
You saw us and had to swoop in.

- It's like a compulsion.
- Your face is like a compulsion.

- That doesn't even make sense.
- Your face too.

Stop acting like a child.

Is someone projecting
his insecurities on to me?

Please, Cap.

I have no problem competing
with you for Alice.

She obviously prefers someone
with a little ambition.

You know, like everyone else
in the Society except for you.

First I'm not trustworthy
and now I'm the runt of the Society?

Evan Chambers you dastardly menace!

You've got me
questioning everything!

Rusty totally blew me off.

- I thought he asked you to brunch?
- Yeah, "brunch".

That's like Cartwright family code for:
"I don't want to talk right now".

- Are you going to be OK, Case?
- Uh-huh.

Uh-huh, as in "yes,"
or uh-huh, as in,

"keep asking me questions until
you figure out what's bothering me"?

When did this happen?

I've become the Rusty
and he's become the Casey?

I think you're just lonely, Case.

Which is what happens
when your boyfriend runs off to England

for, like, ever,
trying to harness the sun's...

Whatever for spacey stuff.

Long distance is hard.
Remember me with Travis?

I was out of my mind.
I even joined the Curling team,

until I realized it had
nothing to do with hair.

You guys did long distance
for years.

- Max's been gone for three weeks.
- Stop it!

And you're not Rusty.

You have much, much
daintier features than him!

- Except his hands.
- You know what? You're right.

I'm not Rusty. I have lots of friends.
I'm the Pledge Educator,

I have, like, 20 friends I'm supposed
to be hanging out with right now.

- It's like, my job.
- Exactly!

Now go force those Pledges
to spend the night with you.

I didn't mean it like that.

- Hi.
- Hi!

You're in a good mood.
I was worried.

Why would you worry?

You seemed a little flustered
at the end of our date.

Are you kidding?

I always have my sister and her
angry friends crash my first dates.

It's called lowering your expectations.
You'll see

on our second date
how much it pays off.

OK, well, now that I know your secret,
you're really gonna have to wow me.

It's not that original,

but there's a bunch of bands playing
at the Union tonight. Wanna go?

- I'd love to, but I can't.
- What? Why?

Casey just sent a text to pledges.

She's calling a mandatory game night
at the house.

Come on.

I think I've found a solution
to your roommate problem.

You castrated Griffin?

That probably would've been easier than
finding someone willing to live with,

but no. I found you a new room.

Seriously? How?

First I talked to Trip and convinced him
since they're both Econ majors,

it made sense for him
to move in with Benny.

Now, Marco's had his eye
on Roosevelt's single.

He won't shut up about
how he needs more closet space.

The man has more shoes
than a Foot Locker outlet.

So I talked Roosevelt into
moving in with Clyde, because,

you know, they have
the same water polo schedule.

I didn't know that. But, OK.

Which left me
with Clyde's roommate Aiden.

Who as it turns out,
not only can sleep through anything,

but is obsessed with porn.
It was a win-win.

And so, I'd like to present
to you, Calvin Owens,

your sanctuary of sex-free bliss.

It doesn't smell like wet rubber
and candle wax!

Yeah. Anyway.

Sorry it took so long.

The house is a much happier place
with you around.

Evan, this is incredible.

I owe you big time.
What are you doing tonight?

Are you thinking wet rubber
and candle wax?

Thanks anyway, I got this thing
I gotta go do. But, rain check.

Wait a minute.

If I'm living in Trip's old room,
that means my roommate is...

- Hey roomie!
- Grant!

We're roommates.

How...

... unexpected.

We need to talk.

OK, but be quick.
I'm setting up for a pledge lock-in.

We're playing charades, and then
a Hungry Hungry Hippos marathon.

You're doing it again.

- Doing what?
- Ruing my date!

I was supposed to take
Jordan out to make up

for last night's debacle
and you're ruining it with your lock-in.

- You've got to let her out of it.
- But attendance is mandatory.

If I let Jordan out,
I'd have to let everyone out.

So you could reschedule
the lock-in later...

Or you could just have your date
another night, right?

You owe me for ruing the last one!

I didn't intentionally ruin it.

Don't you have anything better
to do with your time?

Sorry, Rus, it's already planned.

We've ripped up all the paper
for charades and everything.

To cancel would be like
slapping the rainforest in the face.

So you get your fun Saturday night
and I get nothing?

It's not about you, Rusty.
I need this lock-in for the pledges.

You're a smart, creative guy.

I'm sure you'll be able to figure out
something you can do tonight.

Alice, good to see you, as always.

You look robe-tastic.

- Thanks, Cappie.
- "Robe-tastic." Clever.

Thank you, Evan. Chambers.

Amphoras!

Kha'y!

It's time for the purge to begin.

Take your seats and remember,

These walls are sacred.

Do not hold back.

First up is Alice.

So, I guess
I'll start with my childhood.

I grew up on a farm
in rural Pennsylvania.

We always had tons of animals around
because my mom thought

that it would teach us
about responsibility.

And my first pet was a gerbil,
I named Miffy.

And I used to love to play this game

where I'd just spin her around.

I called it Swing The Gerbil.

But one day, I...

... lost control and...

Well I...
I can still hear the crunch.

Sorry.

I also had a pet mouse,
I named Elphaba

who I took everywhere
with me in my back pocket.

But unfortunately,
my mom also thought

having me do my own laundry

would teach me responsibility

and... well,

Elphaba couldn't really swim.

And since I was having

such bad luck with smaller animals,

my mother thought
that she'd bring home something bigger.

And that's
when she brought home Toto.

God, I hope Toto was a horse.

I loved that cat.

- No.
- He was just this big,

sweet, warm ball of fur and I would

kiss him and hug him and just

squeeze him so tight.

Trying to show him
how much I loved him.

But... One day I...

... guess I loved him too much.

Hair... no.

Baby...

Thing with...

A face?

The Mirror Has Two Faces!

Yes!

What is that?

Whoever's up for a cupcake break,
follow me to the kitchen!

- What are you doing here?
- I'm breaking you out!

I heard the bands at the Union are the
best ever I don't want you to miss them.

- I don't know.
- Come on.

You can't seriously
be turning me down for charades.

- No, OK.
- Put it down, come on.

We can't have cupcakes
until we're all together!

Traci, not yet.

Not until we're all together.

- What are you so smiley about?
- Me?

I'm just happy to be with you.

Yeah, me too.

Although I do wish I could see the look
on Casey's face right now.

- She's not going to be that mad, right?
- No.

Not at you, anyway.

You know,

I'm beginning to think
this date is less about me

and more about your sister.

No, no this date is all about you.

It's about us.

Getting you away from Casey
is just a bonus.

You know I have three big brothers?

As much as I love them and miss them,
we fight all the time.

About everything. We even fight
over the remote for the TV.

But it's not really
about the remote,

it's just about the fighting,
because that's what we do.

And I'm kind of starting to feel
like yours and Casey's remote.

You're so not the remote.

You're more like the...
whole entertainment center.

Fine...

This purge has really
got me thinking about us.

And...

You totally saw Alice first.
You should go out with her.

- Well... no, no...
- Yeah. Well...

No, because listen,
I was out of line.

I would much rather
see you with her than me.

It's funny.
We start talking again and...

... we end up fighting over
the first pet-killing lunatic we meet.

It's like it's
programmed in our DNA.

- What's with that?
- I don't know.

Women always seem to
complicate things.

Just the really interesting ones.

Amphoras!
Please take your seats.

- Kha'y!
- And... Kha'y.

And we'll continue with Mr. Cappie.

Well, ready to spill your guts
in a roomful of strangers?

- I will if you will.
- You're on.

OK, so when I was three,...

To never again waking up
to soft feminine moaning

followed by the sound of
Griffin grunting "checkmate."

You got a new roommate.

Evan came through for me,
I couldn't believe it.

- There may be hope for him after all.
- So who's the lucky guy?

Grant.

Grant?! Hot Grant? Gay Grant
that you supposedly can't date

because of all the drama
it might cause at Omega Chi?

Yeah. All three.
Too bad we didn't get a quad.

I guess it's a matter of time
before you get your man hump on.

OK, first of all: "Man hump?" No.

And secondly, just because
we're two gay guys

doesn't automatically mean
we can't control ourselves.

Please, come on.
It's human nature.

Two attractive people,
at their sexual peak,

living in such close proximity?

I guarantee if Casey were a guy,
she'd wake up in the middle of the night

with a sheet, two comforters,
and 123 pounds of me on top of her...

Him...

Hypothetical male Casey.

OK, anyways.
Grant and I are not like that.

It's going to be really refreshing

to have a roommate
who understands me.

At the very least, we'll have
the cleanest room in the house.

You know, besides Marco.

Yes. This is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.

Cal, I'm gonna head up.

Night.

A beautiful friendship
based on doing it.

Night, Rus.

Bye.

There you are!
And look who you're with.

Yeah...

After that last charade,
I came out to

get some fresh air
and ran into Rusty.

What a wonderful coincidence.

See you tomorrow.

Bye.

I can't believe you deliberately
jeopardized my pledge night.

Sometimes people screw up other
people's nights. It happens.

I didn't screw up your night
on purpose.

But what about tonight,
when I pointed out that you were

and you did nothing?
Was that on purpose?

I'm sorry, Rusty.

I guess I'm not as good
at being alone as you are, OK?

- I don't like it.
- I didn't like it either!

So, now you're not alone and I am.

I guess everything's right
in the world again.

Fellow Amphoras,

I want to congratulate you all
on your complete honesty.

I have the utmost confidence
that we are leaving

the Amphora Society in
worthy and capable hands.

Good luck to you all.

You both were unbelievable tonight.

- Thanks, Alice.
- Thanks, Alice.

Cappie, the way you opened up
about your rootless childhood?

And Evan, the battle you feel
between your family and yourself?

You both are so tortured!

I just want to hug you.

- No! Stop that.
- You don't need to...

- Cappie's way more tortured than I am.
- You're way more tortured.

You don't even know
if you like your parents.

That's right. You know, you are right.
I'm going to give them a call

and talk it out right now. That's...

- What? No. You...
- Good night.

I feel like I have so much more
inside me that I want to share.

- Yeah I bet you do.
- Would you want to

take a long walk down by the river?

No. Maybe next week?

I didn't get an answer from Dean Bowman
about the dry cleaner thing, so...

- But...
- But we can...

- You know...
- If you want...

OK...

- Hi.
- No more meetings for you?

Too bad. I was getting used to your
James Earl Jones impersonation.

The alumni will be
around if you need us.

- You gave quite the purge tonight.
- Yeah, I purged my guts out.

Time for you to purge.

What am I doing here with all these
driven, successfulover-achiever types?

You're here, Mr. Cappie,

because nothing teaches us more
about who we are

than seeing ourselves
in the people we least expect.

No, I don't get it.

Crunches. Awesome.

Just doing my nightly pre-bedtime

crunches! I sleep better if I
work off my nervous

energy from the day!

I didn't even get a chance to

talk to you about this roommate
craziness, it all happened so fast.

I hope you're cool
with this new situation.

I've been trying to escape Trip
and his snoring for months.

Yeah, man. I'm the coolest.
Minty fresh cool.

Why wouldn't I be?

It's just,I told you I was gay,
I didn't want you to think

I was gonna be forcing
my gayness on you.

No...
I wouldn't mind that.

I mean, if you had questions.
I would just try to answer them.

Great,
because I'm all about boundaries.

I live for boundaries.

- Great.
- Great.

All right.

I am

exhausted!

Sleepy time.

- Just gonna go to bed.
- Me too.

- After I hit the shower.
- Yeah.

Hey guys, just checking on...

- We were just going to bed...
- Sleepy time...

- gonna take a shower.
- Do some... crunches and...

Have all this nervous energy.

That's cool.

I mean, that's good 'cause...
It's important for roommates

have the same sleep schedule...

Glad you guys are hitting it off.

- This guy...
- Match made in heaven.

- Lovin' it.
- Just lovin' it.

Well, as you were.

You know what?
I just realized, I forgot...

I left something...

in the place where,

excuse me!

Stupid Casey and her stupid lock in.
She's so stupid.

Spitter?

You were saying
"stupid" an awful lot there.

Figure out how to get
through the next year

without having to see
my stupid sister.

Conflict in the Cartwright clan?

- Paging Danny Tanner.
- So ridiculous.

Just because she can't be alone,

she thinks it's fine for her to get
in the way of me and Jordan.

Do you realize how many
nights in high school

I sat alone watching
Joan of Arcadiawith my Mom

while Casey went out
with all of her friends?

Joan of Arcadiawas the one
with the Navy lawyers, right?

- No. That's Jag.
- Jag.

I watched that afterwards.
With my dad.

God, I missed a lot of great
television by having friends.

I mean, she knows how much
that sucked for me.

You'd think she'd be the
one person who'd understand

how important it is
for me to have a social life.

Actually, you should be
the one person who understands

how much it sucks when you feel
like you don't have one.

You're friends with her, can't you
take her out to shoot pool or something?

Sorry, buddy.

I don't think I'm the guy she's looking
to spend time with.

God, I wish I'd gone to M.I.T.

- What the hell is that?
- It's a school? In Mass...

I'm so glad to see you.
Can I borrow your keys?

I need to sleep at your place again.

Sure...

Thanks, man. See you at home.
See you, Cap!

Are the Omega Chis
hazing actives now?

Look, before you say anything.

I'm sorry about
the impromptu pledge night.

I know. I let my needs come before
other people's personal lives

and from now on,

all pledge events will be scheduled
at least a week in advance.

OK, fine.

A month in advance.

That's gonna be hard,
because I don't have an assistant,

I'm trying to apologize.

Right.

Please,

go ahead.

I realized last night that maybe
the reason you're so bad at being alone

is because you haven't
had to do it very much.

I thought I'd share
something with you

that helped me get
through a lot of long nights.

Joan of Arcadia?

- Is this the one about the Navy?
- No. It has angels in it.

It's a really good show.

- Thanks, Rusty.
- You're welcome.

I'm sorry I freaked out so much
about my date.

Before me, Jordan was dating
the star of the football team.

I have a lot to live up to.

Jordan wouldn't be with you if
she didn't already think you were great.

Thank you.

You gonna be OK?

I miss Max.

Ashleigh's busy with Fisher.
You've got a life.

I feel like my go-to's are just
not very go-to-able right now.

But I'll be OK.

I'm actually thinking about
getting one of those little purse dogs.

If you'd just told me that
the other night,

I would've gone to Dobler's with
you after you ruined my date.

Well, I probably would've taken
a cab from Sabatino's

instead of ruining your date if
you told me about your intense,

intense, but goundless insecurities

Fair enough.
From now on, full disclosure.

Agreed.

Anything else
you want to come clean about?

Remember that blanket
you used to have?

The one that always smelled
really funny?

You want to know why?

Maybe we don't have to
tell each other everything...

maybe we just start here
and go forward.

OK.

- I want to tell you.
- I don't want to know.

It's not that bad.

- It's not bad.
- I don't want.

It's really not. You're making
it seem like it's so gross.

- It's not that bad.
- Get out of here.