Gravity Falls (2012–2016): Season 2, Episode 2 - Into the Bunker - full transcript

( groaning )

What do we do,
Chadley?

I thought
they were dead.

Far worse,
Trixandra.

They're nearly almost
dead but not quite!

( screams )

Man, these movies
are a lot less scary

when you've actually
fought real zombies.

They're slow.

Just power-walk
away from them.

How much you want
to bet that guy dies first?



( chomping )

Aah! My face
is being eaten a lot.

Chadley ain't
pretty no more.

( phone buzzing )

One second.

Ugh, another text
from Robbie.

Oh, yeah, Robbie.

How's, uh,
how's all that going?

Ugh, I'm over him.

I just wish
he was over me.

Just look
at these texts.

Winky frown?

What does
that even mean?

And you're not...



not like, seeing
any other guys or...

Of course I am.

Meet my new
boyfriend, dude.

Right, right.

So...

So, you know, I was wondering
if maybe you wanted to,

I mean, if--if you
and me would ever,

I mean,
if maybe you...

Hmm, wanted to join me and Mabel
on this mystery hunt tomorrow.

Conspiracy stuff
and all that.

That's all.

Yeah, dude.

I love doing junk
with friends.

Yo, Chadley,
watch out!

( screams )

Yeah.
'Cause that's what we are.

It's all we'll ever be...

Friends.

Dude, you're
lying on my bra.

( screaming )

Hey, easy with that.

It's genuine plastic.

And re-pave
the cracks

in the parking lot
while you're at it.

I don't want my car
falling into China.

Mr. Pines, what exactly
caused all this damage?

I need to write
a report.

Uh, a big woodpecker.

Keep the change.

I'm winking under
my eye patch.

Works for me.

Now where'd
those kids run off to?

Thank you all
for coming.

Hey, when there's
a mystery,

you can count
on your sister-ee.

That's an amazing rhyme.

"When you want
some good--

When, when
you need a Soos..."

You've-- Oh, gosh.
I don't know.

We're here to solve the number
one mystery in Gravity Falls.

Who wrote this journal?

Thirty years ago the author
vanished without a trace,

but according
to this new clue,

we may have found
his secret hiding place.

We find that author, we learn
the answers to everything.

We just need to figure out
a way to get down there...

Chop it down,
dudes.

Wendy.

Oh, hey.
You came.

Dude,
I'm so stoked about this.

I've been wanting to go
adventuring with you guys.

Sure beats picking up
after my dad at home.

Ow!

Ow!
Ow!

Who put that wall there?

Ow!

Thanks
for the invite, man.

Any time you want to--
I'm-- We're always-- Us.

Uh-oh.

Inviting Wendy
on our mission?

Me thinks
there's romance afoot.

No, look Mabel.

I've thought this through,
and I'm over Wendy.

I've looked at it
from every angle,

and that thing
was going nowhere.

I know what matters
to me now,

and it's finding
the author of this journal.

Ha!
You're over Wendy?

Allow me to put
on my skepticles.

Bwoop.

I've moved on, Mabel.

You should, too.

Skepticles.

Hey, is it just me

or does that branch
kind of look like a lever?

DIPPER: Huh.
Yeah.

But how do we
get up there?

Seems like
we'd need, like, a ladder.

Or, like,
ladder shoes?

Yeah, ladder shoes.

I'll get Soos
to draw up a prototype.

( grunting )

Boosh.

Whoa!

Oh, yeah.

in these lumberjack games
when I was a kid.

Guess I kind
of ruled at it.

( trembling )

Whoa, whoa.
What is that?

( screaming )

( grunting )

Whoa.

Hey, hey.
Oh, no!

All right, guys.
This is it.

Remember, whatever happens
down there, we tell no one.

Now, who wants
to go first?

ALL: Whoa.

SOOS: Dude!

WENDY: This is
so stupid cool.

It's like a fallout
shelter or something.

It must have belonged
to the author.

This is going
over my bed.

( chuckling )

My face feels fuzzy.

This is incredible.

It's like he was
preparing for a disaster.

But what
kind of disaster

would need supplies
for over sixty years?

( gasping )

Oh, my gosh.

A Shmez dispenser.

I remember these things.

What's that?

Yes, I will have some
of your old-timey face food.

( chomping )

Ew. Dusty.

( chomping )

Wait, guys.

I think this can
was opened recently.

The author might
still be alive, down here.

Wait a minute.

I think I know where
he might have gone.

TOGETHER: Whoa.

Whoa!

Oh, man.

Was this place built
in the past or the future.

Yeah.
This room is way creepy.

Not as creepy as Dipper's
Internet history.

Hey-oh!

( groaning )

What's going on, dudes?

( screaming )

It's hard to be scared
with caterpillars on your face.

Wall things.

Crazy wall things
happening right now.

Ugh.
It won't stop.

( grunting )

Dipper, what do we do?

Uh. Uh.

Come on, come on.

Find these four symbols.
Quick.

Everybody step on one.

One!

Two!

Three!

( panting )

Four!

Run for it!

( laughing and cheering )

Yes! Yes!

That was...

That was nuts.

You ruled
back there, man.

Thanks.

Get a load of this
crazy surveillance room.

Check it out, dudes.

( blubbering )

Soos.
Soos.

That is hilarious.

Hey, Bro,
you forgot your vest.

( humming )

( grunting )

What the--

"Dear Wendy.

I've always had
a crush on--"

( gasping )

Oh, my gosh.

Hey, Dipper!

Look what I found.

( gasping )

What are you--
Give me that.

I knew it! I knew it!
I knew it!

You're not over
Wendy at all.

( gasping )

And you were going
to tell her today?

No.
I changed my mind.

It's a bad idea,
I'd just embarrass myself,

and then I'd be another guy
she hates, like Robbie.

Dipper, you should
just tell her already.

One way or another,
you'll feel better afterwards.

Look, Mabel, I can't tell her
no matter how much I want to.

So just drop it, okay.

Dude.

Dipper, you got to check out
this weird metal closet.

I am a robot.
I have a metal closet.

Coming.

This never happened.

He wants to tell her
but he's scared.

Maybe he needs
a little push.

Good idea, Mabel.
Thanks, Mabel.

Brother,
whatever happens,

I just want you
to know something.

This is
for your own good.

What?
Aah.

What the--

Mabel!
Let us out!

Oh, I'll let you out,
Dipper.

As soon as
you tell Wendy

that thing you've been
wanting to tell her!

You'll thank me
for this later.

What is she
talking about?

Nothing.

Mabel's just been eating
raw sugar packets again.

( chomping )

That's besides the point.

Let me out right now!

Ugh,
where are the lights?

( screaming )

( grunting )

( beeping )

Whoa.

A hidden lab.

Maybe the author did
experiments down here.

Uh, what do you think
dug all these tunnels?

Let's hope
we don't find out.

( gasping )

( growling )

( screaming )

Mabel!
Open up for real!

There's a monster in here!

The only monsters are
your own inner demons, Dipper.

That is so wise.

Dipper.

Just say whatever
Mabel wants you to say

so she'll let us
out of here.

Come on, Dipper.
Now is the time, Bro!

Wendy, I-- I...

I'm gonna find
another way out.

Wait, what?

Dude,
where are we going?

( panting )

Whoa.

What do we do?
I don't know.

( roaring )

Back!

Back, you heinous beast!

Well, I just ripped out
a monster's tongue.

( gasping )

It's you.

Hurry now.

I scared it off,
but it will regenerate.

I wasn't
expecting guests.

I've been down here
for a very long time.

Years.
Weeks maybe.

I miss orange juice.

You don't understand.

You're the guy
I've been looking for!

He's the guy?

Wendy,
it's the guy!

The guy?

I've got, like,
a jillion questions.

Why did you write
the journals?

Who was after you?
Why did you build this bunker?

My boy, I'd love
to discuss this in time.

But we have more
pressing matters.

It's one
of my experiments.

A shapeshifter.

Able to take the form
of anyone or anything it sees.

It broke free
from a cage of solid steel.

I've gone half-crazy trying
to catch the creature alone.

But now you're here.

Will you help me catch it?

( gasping )

Sure are taking
their time in there.

Hey, do I look smarter
with this coat and briefcase?

I feel like
I look smarter.

( gasping )

Razzle dazzle!

Look at this tubey thing.

Frozen.

Unfrozen.

Frozen.

Unfrozen.

What's this biz?

"Experiment number two-ten:
The Shapeshifter."

Shapeshifter?

Uh, dude,
didn't Dipper say

there was a monster
in there with them?

I thought
he was just joking.

You know, Dipper's
jokes are terrible!

Dipper!

Come in.
Come in.

I apologize
for the state of things.

I don't get many
non-mole people visitors.

Now the beast must have some
weakness that we can exploit.

I used to have
my research on him,

but alas, I lost my journals
so many years ago.

Did you say journals?

Dude, I found
one of them.

It's how I tracked
you down here.

What?
Could it be?

My boy, I can't
express my gratitude.

Oh, yes.

After all these years.

( panting )

Wendy!

Oh, it's so dark.

How will we
ever find them?

Leave that to Mabel.

Whoa!
Rad!

Although,
isn't electric clothing

kind of like
a fire hazard?

No.

It's a fun hazard.

Now let me light the way!

We're coming
for you dudes.

Yes, yes.

It's all here.

Wendy,
isn't it amazing

we're actually meeting
the real author?

( gasping )

Dipper.
Look.

Uh, you know what?

We should probably
get going.

Can I have my
journal back?

You're not
going anywhere.

( roaring )

( screaming )

How do you like
my true form?

Go on, admit it,
you like it.

You!

What did you do
to the real author?

You'll likely
never find him.

That six-fingered nerd hasn't
been himself in thirty years.

But I do thank you
for bringing me his journal.

He used to write while
I was in my cage.

So many wonderful
forms to take.

( slurping )

( chuckling )

We've got to get
that journal back.

Hey, body-snatcher.
Snatch this.

( growling )

( grunting )

( groaning )

Run! Run! Run!

( screeching )

( screaming )

( panting )

( grunting )

( panting )

( groaning )

Oh, dudes.
Dipper! Wendy!

Mabel! Soos!

Wait. Careful.

How do we know they're
not the shapeshifter?

Maybe I am.
Mabel, inspect my shape.

Poke.

( chuckling )

Do that again.
Poke.

( laughing )

Even better
the second time.

It's definitely them.

( gasping )

Oh, my gosh, Wendy,
you're bleeding.

It's cool.
It's cool.

It's just blood, man.

Don't freak out.

What happened?

We got attacked
by the shapeshifter.

He broke out of his cage,
pretended to the author,

and wants
Dipper's journal.

Imagine if he escapes
into town.

He could transform
into anything.

We could never trust
anyone ever again.

What do we do?

Well.

He took us into his home,
tricked us,

and tried
to destroy us.

I say we return
the favor.

Dipper, my boy.

Come out.

I must speak with you!

( growling )

Reveal yourself, you
single-formed human weakling.

Oh, boy, Dipper.

That book sure is full
of some great monsters.

There you are.

Ooh!
And a new one.

Should I be one?

Or the other.

How about both?

( roaring )

( screaming )

Guys, he's coming!
He's coming!

Now! Now!
Now! Now! Now!

It's not working,
dude.

Hey.
Let go.

You leave him alone.

( screaming )

Wendy!

( grunting )

( screaming )

( screaming )

( yelling )

Aah.

( groaning )

Wendy!

Wendy?

No, no, no, no, no!

Can you hear me?
Oh.

Please be okay.
Please be okay!

( gasping )

Oh, no, oh, no!
This is all my fault!

If I had told you when
we were in the closet

we wouldn't be
in this mess.

But I was too scared and now
you could be hurt or worse

and I never even got
a chance to tell you

I'm, like, in love
with you Wendy.

( sighing )

Uh...

Dipper?

Wendy?

Wait.

Then who is--
Look out!

Give me back
that journal!

Never!

Get off me.

( grunting )

Give it back.

It belongs to Dipper.

Hit her with the axe!

Don't listen
to her, Dipper!

She's the shapeshifter!

Ugh!

I don't know who's who!

Give me a sign!

( gasping )

( grunting )

( screaming )

( snarling )

Push him in!

( grunting )

Huh?

Frozen!

Boosh!
Boom!

No. No!
Let me out!

( screeching )

Let's get out
of here, dudes.

( laughing )

( gasping )

You think you're so clever,
don't you, Dipper?

But you have no idea
what you're up against.

You'll never
find the author.

you'll meet a fate worse
than you can imagine.

And this will be
the last form you ever take!

( screaming )

Good luck
sleeping tonight.

Dude, I think
I'm kind of

adventured out
for a little while.

My face hurts
from doing this all day.

Yeah, but you got to admit
we're all total heroes.

Hey, who wants to go get
some heroes breakfast, huh?

Syrup on cereal!

Mabel,
you're a visionary.

Look, Wendy,
about earlier,

In the heat
of the moment

I might have said
some dumb things and--

Can't we just pretend
none of that ever happened?

Please.

Dude. Dude.
It's okay.

I always kind of knew.

Wait.
You did?

Yeah, man.

I mean, you think
I can't hear that stuff

you're constantly
whispering under your breath?

( groaning )

Oh, man.

Listen, Dipper.

I'm, like,
super flattered.

But, I'm too old for you.

I mean, you know
that, right?

Ugh.

Mabel said confessing
would make me feel better.

Well, how do you feel?

Anxious. Scared.
Kind of itchy.

Dude.

Don't be itchy, man.

this summer was super
boring until you showed up.

I have more fun with you than,
like, practically anybody else.

And if you ever stop being
my friend, I would, like,

throw myself
into the bottomless pit.

So, things won't
be too awkward now?

I just wrestled
myself, dude.

That was awkward.

If you can handle
that monster,

you can handle
a little awkwardness.

( chuckling )

Friends?

Yeah, dude.
Friends.

( grunting )

( chuckling )

Oh, and hey, Dipper.

See you for movie
night tomorrow.

Your place
this time, okay?

So, how did it go?

( gasping )

What did you hear?

Everything.
All the time.

I'm not here.

Mabel, how can everything
be so amazing

and so terrible
all at the same time?

I'm sorry for being
so pushy, Dipper.

If it's any consolation,

I'm already
working on a list

of your potential
rebound crushes.

Thanks, Mabel.

( grunting )

I'm still bummed

we're no closer
to finding the author guy.

At least I got his sciency coat
and briefcase.

Whoa.
What the--

Soos, that's not a briefcase.
That's a laptop.

And a really
busted up one, too.

I bet I could get this thing
fixed up in a few days.

It's gonna take
a lot of duct tape.

This could be
our next clue.

Is it just me,

or does Gravity Falls TV
only have the worst movies?

You're watching the Gravity
Falls Bargain Movie Showcase.

Coming up next,

The Widdlest Wampire.

The Planet People
Of Planet Planet!

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My Mummy's A Werewolf!

Attack
Of The Exclamation Points!!!

The Man With No Taste.

Ghost Turtle.

Help! My Mummy's
A Werewolf Two: This Again.

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this channel again?