Gravity Falls (2012–2016): Season 2, Episode 11 - Not What He Seems - full transcript

The twins wonder if they really know Grunkle Stan after he is taken into custody by the government agents.

Come on. Come on. Should be
just enough to finish the job.

Phew! Can't be too careful
with this stuff.

"Warning."

Blah blah blah...

"Extreme usage could result
in minor gravity anomalies."

Can it, Poindexter.
I've come this far.

I'm not giving up now.

Yes, this is it!

It's gonna be a bumpy ride,
but it'll all be worth it.

Just eighteen more hours.

Finally, everything changes...



today.

Aah! It's here!
It's here! It's here!

Okay, so I was just
opening random doors, because I'm a creep,

when I found
something amazing!

If it was worth
waking up at 7:00 am for, that will be amazing.

Feast your eyes!

Whoa!

Bro. Bro.
We're both thinkin' it.

Crazy rooftop
fireworks party!

Not so fast, kids.

There is no way on earth
you're setting off those dangerous, illegal fireworks...

without me.

Here you go, sweetie!

Set something on fire for your
Grunkle Stan!



I am the god
of destruction!

Whoa!

Yay! Whoo!

Hold on a minute.
Do you have a permit for those?

Uh...

Uh, do you have a permit
for being totally lame?

Hey-o!

Well, I can't argue
with that.

Carry on.

Ha ha!

But seriously, though,
we should probably clean this mess up.

With water balloons?

I don't see why not.

Seriously?

Ow.
Whoo!

Ah, this is what
Saturdays are for.

Doing dumb things forever!

Dumb things forever!

Whoa, there!

To Grunkle Stan!

Not just a great uncle.

The greatest uncle!

Ha ha. All right,
all right. I tell ya,

it's unnatural for siblings to
get along as well as you do.

Ha ha! Don't worry,
we've still got plenty of summer left

to drive each other crazy.

Heh... yeah...
plenty of summer left.

Kids, there's something I, uh...
something I should tell you.

It's, um... W-well, it's
complicated.

I...

I'm gonna go refresh my soda.

Enjoy it while you can, Stan.

They'll find out
sooner or later.

Today's the day.

What is that, a ladybug?

What the...
Oh, no!

Target's secure.
Take the house.

What the...?

Kids are secure.

Roof team, go!

Clear!

Clear!

Pig secure, we
have secured a pig.

Hey, hands off, you stooge!

Aah! I don't understand!

What did I do that warrants
this much arresting?

The government guys?

I thought you
got eaten by zombies.

We survived... barely.

I used Trigger
as a human shield.

He cried like a baby.

Wha-hey!

Not in front
of the Special Ops guys.

This is security footage
of a government waste facility.

At 0400 hours last night,
someone robbed 300 gallons of dangerous waste.

What? You think
that's me?

Don't play dumb
with us, Pines!

But I actually am dumb!
Last night I was restocking

the gift shop...I swear!

Wait, Grunkle Stan!

You've got the wrong guy!
Our Grunkle Stan might shoplift the occasional tangerine,

but he's not
some evil supervillain.

Listen, kid.
We've been watching your family all summer,

and we've seen
some disturbing things,

but nothing as dangerous
as what your uncle is hiding.

Somewhere hidden
in this shack is a doomsday device!

Trigger, you take
the children.

I'll talk to the old man.
Sorry to break it to you, kids,

but you don't know
your uncle at all.

- Icy pop, clear!
- Hey!

Kids! You gotta believe me!
For once I'm actually innocent!

Kids!

¶ Headin' into work,
doot doo doo doo doo ¶

Ground team,
move move move!

Break down the door!

Or... maybe not.

Stanford Pines, you
stand accused of theft of government waste,

conspiracy, and possession
of illegal weapons.

How do you plead
to these charges?

Uh..."guiltoccent".
I mean, "innoguilty".

Um...can I
have my phone call?

Okay, give me whatever you
got that comes with a free toy.

Soos!

Mr. Pines? Is this some sort
of possession situation?

Soos, pick up!

Mr. Pines,
what happened?

I heard you got arrested
or something?

I had to go get
some panic food.

Listen, I need
something from you.

You know that vending machine
in the gift shop?

I need you to guard it
with your life.

No matter what happens,
no matter who talks to you,

don't let them touch
that machine!

Time for a repair guy...
to become a repair man.

Sir, your Junior Yum-Yum
Baby-Time Kiddo Meal?

Just put one in my mouth.

Let's do this.

We've got Mr. Pines
in custody.

Our men are searching
the shack for that device.

You take care
of those kids.

What are you
gonna do to us?

We'll be taking you
to child services. -Boo!

In the meantime, enjoy
some mindless reality TV...

designed to pacify you
and make you stop asking questions.

I'm about to make
the incision.

Ker-prank!
Aah!

You're watching Ker-Prank'd
with Justin Ker-Prank.

Dipper, this is crazy.

There's no way Stan
was stealing hazardous waste.

We gotta clear his name!

Hmm...

Wait a minute,
the security tapes!

Didn't Stan say he was
restocking the gift shop last night?

If we could get
the Mystery Shack's surveillance tapes,

we could prove
he's innocent!

We just need to think
of a way out of here.

Think, Mabel. Think.

No!

Oh oh oh aah!

Aah!
Aah!

Mayday, mayday!
Agent down!

Uhh! Darn branch!

Uhh!
Ha ha, yes!

Backup!
Requesting backup! Aah!

Come on, Dipper.
We're gonna go clear our uncle's name.

Oh, you poor kids.
You really think your uncle's innocent?

I've seen it all before.
False names, double lives.

One minute,
they're playing with water balloons.

The next,
they're building doomsday devices.

Your uncle scammed
the whole world.

You gonna let him
scam you, too?

You-you don't know
what you're talking about.

You're gonna regret this!

Aah!

Only five more hours
till it happens.

I gotta be there!
Come on, Stan,

you gotta think
of a way out of this.

Think!
Think!

Huh?

They're getting stronger!

Of course, that's it!

H-hey! Whoa!

Is it just me,
or did the entire world just hiccup?

I'm sure it's just
a baby-sized earthquake.

Aww, baby-sized!

It's happening!
The end's times!

When that machine activates,
I gotta get outta town!

Git in there,
raccoon wife, git!

Eh?

All right,
here's the plan.

I'll take out
those two guard guys,

you karate-chop
the other dude in the neck,

and then we'll back-flip
through the front door!

Mabel, aren't you forgetting
the simpler solution?

Oh, right.

So is it a rock,
or is it a face?

I think...
it's a metaphor.

All right.
If I was Stan,

where would I hide
those surveillance tapes?

Wait! The Antelabbit!

Don't you mean
"jackalope"?

Pfft!
That can't be right.

- Yes!
- Yes!

It's this week!
This is it!

Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!

Someone yelled
"Wormy Dance". We had to!

Fast-forward.

Ha! There it is!
Stan restocking, like he said.

And the date shows
it was last night!

It's proof!
He's innocent!

- Uh-oh.
- Uh, maybe he's just going to the bathroom outdoors,

the way nature intended.

Oh, no.
Stan, you didn't!

Don't panic.
That could be anyone in that suit.

Aah! Hot Belgian waffles!

Wait, I'm alone.
I can swear for real! Son-of-a...

That's him, all right.

Okay, okay.
So maybe Grunkle Stan stole some toxic waste.

That doesn't mean he's leading
a nefarious double life.

Mabel,
I'm not so sure about that.

What?
What is all this?

Stetson Pinefield?

Hal Forrester?
Andrew "8-Ball" Alcatraz?

These are fake IDs, Mabel!

You wouldn't need these
unless you were trying to hide your real identity.

But why would Stan
do that?

What?

"Stan Pines Dead"?

"Foul play suspected
in Pines' death".

"Fiery car crash,
brakes cut..." By who?

"Unnamed grifter
at large"?

Why would they call him
"unnamed"?

Unless Stan...

...isn't...

...Stan?!
Stan?!

Stan Pines is dead?

Then who have we
been living with?

It doesn't make
any sense!

There has to be
some explanation.

Maybe we're getting
Ker-Pranked!

Justin Ker-Prank
is gonna jump up

from behind one of these
plants, any minute now!

Any minute, Justin.

Can't believe it!
This whole summer I've been looking for answers,

and the biggest mystery
was right under our nose.

There's gotta be
some kind of explanation in here, somewhere.

What the--?

"Secret Code to Hideout"?

Let me see that!

A1, B, C3...

I've never seen
a code like this.

Wait, I have!

Dipper,
it's the vending machine!

All right, Pines.
Play time is over.

Chopper's ready
to dust off to Washington.

I'll enjoy
putting you away.

What?Um, can't we stick
around for maybe one minute,

uh, one minute,
thirty seconds?

We're not falling
for your games, Pines.

You've been running
your whole life.

Your time is finally up.

Bathroom break?
Just gimme 15 seconds.

Sorry, but you've got
a flight to catch.

Oh, yeah?
So do you!

Huh?

Whoa, whoa, hey!

Aah!

Hey!
Dang it, get back here!

Men, get him!

No! You won't get away
with this! Aah!

- Aah!
- Gonna get ya! Gonna get ya!

Ow!

Whoa!

You know where
the Mystery Shack is?

Uh, yeah.

Okay,
here's a hundred bucks.

Drive as far away
from the Shack as possible,

and don't stop
when the cops start chasing you!

He's getting away!

Obviously,
follow that cab!

Stanford escaped!
He's at large!

We need to sweep the town!
Move, move, move!

All right, Soos,
remember the plan.

Protect the machine,
earn Stan's trust,

legally get adopted by Stan,
change name to Stan Junior.

Soos!
Aah!

Oh, kids,
where have you been?

W-what are you doing here?

Stan gave me a mission
to protect this machine.

Ha! And I thought
I loved snacks!

Soos, listen.
Something huge is going on here.

If Stan is hiding
some dangerous secret,

we need to find out
what it is!

I need you
to step aside.

Yeah, just let us through so we
can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding.

Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised
Stan I would guard this with my life.

I'm sorry, Soos.

Aah! Attack glitter!
It's pretty, but it hurts!

- Please, Soos!
- C'mon, Soos!

Aw, c'mon, I don't wanna
fight you guys!

This hurts me
more than it hurts you!

Aah!

Seriously, it hurts me
way more than it hurts you.

Aah!

Ohh...

It's like something
from a video game.

Or a dream.

Or a nightmare.

I gotta be there
when it happens! Aah!

Guys, are we dreaming?
Somebody wake me up.

This... can't be real.

I don't understand.
Why would Mr. Pines have all this?

It's just like
that bunker in the woods.

But what is it doing
underneath the Mystery Shack?

Okay, okay,
so he's got a huge, gigantic lab.

That doesn't mean
anything bad.

Everyone's got secrets!

It's still Stan,
and he loves us.

And we love him,
right?

Can't be...
it's impossible.

The other two journals?!

All this time,
all this time, Stan had them?!

I can't believe it!
Was anything he said to us real?

Why would he have
those journals?

Maybe he's the author.

Or maybe he stole them
from the author!

Maybe the reason he has
all of those fake IDs

is because he is
a master criminal,

and this machine
is his master plan!

Whoa!

"I was wrong the whole time".

"The machine was meant to create
knowledge, but it is too powerful!"

"I was deceived,
and now it is too late!"

"The device,
if fully operational,

could tear our universe apart!"

"It must not fall
into the wrong hands".

"If the clockever reaches
zero, our universe is doomed."

It's the final countdown!
Just like they always sung about!

The agents were right!
We have to shut it down!

There! Quick!

Turn these! Together!

That's it!
The shutdown switch!

This all stops now!

Don't touch that button!

Dipper, just back away.

Please don't pressthat
shutdown button. You gotta trust me.

And I should trust you, why?

After you stole
radioactive waste,

after you lied to us
all summer!

I don't even know
who you are!

Look, I know this
all seems nuts,

but I need that machine
to stay on.

If you just
let me explain...

Oh! Oh, no!
Brace yourselves!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Aah!

T-minus 35 seconds.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Whoa, aah!

Dipper!

Mabel! Hurry!
Shut it down!

No!

Mabel, Mabel, wait!

Stop! Uhh!

Soos, what are you doing?
I gave you an order!

Sorry, Mr. Pines,
if that is your real name,

but I have a new mission now,
protecting these kids!

Soos, you idiot,
let me go!

- Let me go!
- C'mon!

Mabel, press
the red button!

- Shut it down!
- No, you can't! You gotta trust me!

Grunkle Stan,I don't even
know if you're my Grunkle!

I wanna believe you,
but...

Then listen to me.
Remember this morning,

when I said I wanted
to tell you guys something?

T-minus 20 seconds.

I wanted to saythat you're
gonna hear some bad things about me,

and some of 'em are true,
but trust me, everything I've worked for,

everything I care about,
it's all for this family.

Mabel,
what if he's lying?

This thing coulddestroy the
universe! Listen to your head!

Look into my eyes, Mabel!

You really think
I'm a bad guy?

He's lying!
Shut it down, now!

Mabel, please!

Ten, nine...

Grunkle Stan...

Six, five...

I trust you.

Mabel, are you crazy?!
We're all gonna...

One.

No!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

W-what?
Who is that?

The author
of the journals.

My brother!

Is this the part
where one of us faints?

Oh, I am so on it, dude.