Grace and Frankie (2015–…): Season 7, Episode 12 - The Casino - full transcript

♪ Well, I don't know why
I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feeling
That something ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me ♪

♪ Jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Oh, God! Did you get them?
- Right here.

Oh, thank God. Come to Mama.



Come to Mama.

Oh! Yes!

- Are you quite all right, dear?
- Who, me? Yeah, I'm cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

Well, maybe I've been a little edgy
since the Valivan ran out.

Why didn't your doctor give you a refill?

Well, he was concerned that I was
abusing it, you know, to numb myself.

Blah, blah, blah.

Ah, God, I feel number already.

Mmm.

I know you've been worrying about Frankie.
Well, we all do when she's near a stove.

But you don't really believe
all this death date nonsense?

Of course not.

I mean, Frankie is gonna die
at some point or... Or other...



Why are we talk...?
Why are we talking about this?

I'm sorry.

Death must be a constant worry
at your age.

You're three years older than I am.

Not according to some of my passports.

Oh, cheer up, Grace.

There's an easy way
to stop all this fretting.

- I guess I could try to drink more.
- No.

You need to immerse yourself
in something else.

Have a little adventure.

Find a hobby.

As soon as Scotland Yard cleared me
in my husband's disappearance,

I got very into gardening.

Cheered me right up.

I was called back in for questioning
when they found weed killer in his blood,

but my tomatoes were glorious.

Oh, hello, Frankie.

Not now, J-M.

I need you to do something for me.

No talking me out of it.
No telling me it's crazy.

Put on one of these disguises.
Go out that door.

And come with me
to the Luckiest Lady Casino

in Oceanside.

- I'm in.
- Really?

Wow.

Since you're not gonna be a narc,
I'll give you first pick.

Do you wanna be the janitor,
the showgirl, or the horse?

If you pick the horse,

I should be the front half
so that I can set our pace.

Oh, God.

I'm having that dream again.

But normally my hands are paws.

This isn't one of your sex dreams, Barry.

I'm borrowing the office
for my meeting with Stuart.

- I thought you told him the truth.
- That I'm not the CEO?

- Why would I do that?
- It's the truth?

Oh.

But I know that's not right.

Once Stuart writes me a check and sees
it doesn't need Say Grace to succeed,

then I absolutely will tell him.

Well, good luck with that.
I'm off to stress-eat some strudel.

There he is, the man of the hour!

God, I love the sound of Brianna Hanson
kissing my ass.

Who are you?

Uh...

Stuart, this is our CFO, Barry,

who has to leave right now and go do
whatever the hell it is he does.

Numbers.

Don't go. I would love to talk
Say Grace financials.

Barry, a little help?

Oh, uh...

Can I get anyone anything
from the strudel store?

Frankie, I'm trying really hard
not to second-guess you.

Tell that to the horse in our backseat.

Costumes aside, am I allowed to ask
why we're going to a casino?

You know how Coyote has been icing me out
since our last kerfuffle?

When you told him
you didn't trust him not to screw up?

- Your memory can be quite biting.
- Well...

Anyway, he's being distant
with Jessica too.

And now he's gone off to a casino
in the middle of the day.

- Clearly I need to save him from himself.
- Look, Coyote is a very...

somewhat capable man.

I'm sure he's fine.
He could just be at the buffet.

No, he gets too overwhelmed
with all the choices.

Good Lord.

Grace, there's something
going on with him.

I even got Madame Elsbeth
to tell him about my death day,

and I'm told he was unmoved.

Well, maybe he's smarter than we thought.

Oh, Grace, stop.

Look, I get that you're feeling guilty,

but if you confront him, doesn't it
prove that you don't trust him?

What am I supposed to do
while my son is throwing away his life?

Light up a doob and play Parcheesi?

No, that's you throwing away your life.

How about we scope it out on the sly,
without him seeing us.

And if he seems okay, he doesn't need
to know we were ever there.

Way ahead of you, Grace.

I'm not wearing the horse.

Well, you're gonna need
to fluff these babies up

if you're gonna be the showgirl.

Someone's chipper this morning.

When I finally said I was gonna recommit
to being a lawyer, it was a relief.

What changed?

Well, I realized I enjoy
being the funny guy at the office.

I kill at the morning meetings.

I bet you'll kill tonight
hosting the Lawsies.

First of all, the firm's awards are called
the Lawscars and have been since 2018.

And yes, I'll kill. Hmm.

And this year is gonna be
especially exciting.

More exciting than the year you won
Best Amicus Brief?

Well, you tell me.
I added some new categories.

- Oh.
- To keep it fresh and sex it up.

So this year,
there's gonna be Coolest Suit, Best Greg.

- What's that?
- That means there's more than one Greg.

- Oh.
- And... Funniest Lawyer.

Aha. I see.

So I guess my husband
is bringing home the gold tonight.

If it happens, it happens.
But we both know it's happening.

What do you mean it's a tie?

Look, I know you're smitten
with Say Grace.

And who wouldn't be?
I've done a really great job.

But I think my idea can stand on its own.

That's how we greet each other.

You may approach.

I don't know what's happening.
I just need to ask Mallory

if we're moving forward
with the Eye Butter?

Who's Mallory?

She's nobody.

She's a nice lady who does odd jobs here.

But she's deciding with the Eye Butter?

No, I make the decisions.

And it's a no on the Eye Butter.

- Will Mallory be back...?
- Nix the Eye Butter, Erica. Now, shoo!

So as I was saying,
I think that differentiating the brands...

Sorry to interrupt, but the intern,

Sally... Sallory is back from lunch.

- Already? Where did you take her, Wendy's?
- I wish.

She insisted on Salad Shack.
It's hard to stretch a Salad Shack lunch.

There's only so much kale you can eat
before it fights its way out.

Okay.

Well, I should probably go help Mallory
water the plants.

Actually, why don't you and Stuart
step out onto the patio

so I can talk to Sallory privately?

Why is everybody being weird
about this Sally?

She's in a fragile mental state.

She was just dumped,
and she has a very sharp nail file.

- You know how it is.
- Actually, I don't. I get manicures.

- I don't maintain my own nails.
- Oh, okay.

That's good. No, please stay. Thank you.

Excuse me, miss? Hi.

- Oh, I like your earrings.
- See?

No, he could be ordering soda.

Sure, a soda and booze.

In the old days,
Coyote loved a rum and Coke.

Then he loved meth and cocaine.

Oh, look at him. He's a mess.
I'm going in.

No, Frankie. Frankie. He's fine.

He looks like every other
sweaty freak in here.

Oh. That's so sweet of you to say,
but I have to do something.

Excuse me.

I need you to throw out
that handsome young man

over at the blackjack table.

I've been watching him,
and he's definitely counting cards.

Yeah, we're not real worried
about that kind of counting.

Well, what if I tell you
he touched this lady's butt?

- Ma'am, was your butt touched?
- It was not.

I guess his feminist mother
just did too good a job raising him.

Oh, look. She's bringing him
his rum and Coke.

I'll get in the horse.
You pull the fire alarm.

No. Frankie, you don't know
Coyote's drinking.

You don't know he isn't.

Fine. I'll find out. You stay here.

Stay.

Oh, waitress?

- Can I help you, hon?
- Hello, Magenta. Great name.

My mom was an idiot.

That may be,
but I have kind of a weird request.

I want all the drinks on your tray.

It's actually a super standard request,
but these are all spoken for.

But I really need to know what's in them.

- And I really need to deliver them.
- No, no. Wait. Wait.

Are you nuts?

Appears that way.

- Who the hell are you?
- Your worst nightmare.

Just kidding.
Jennifer Nightingale, Realtor. May I?

- No!
- What the fuck are you doing here?

This is why you wear the horse.

- I shouldn't have told you.
- But now that you did, it can't be untold.

Who was it?

Bud, please.

You're trying
to coerce an election official.

I swore an oath to your father to maintain
the sanctity of these proceedings.

- You can keep those handcuffs.
- Shelly.

That's it?

Yes. She is the one outstanding ballot.

Oh, jeez.

I hate talking to Shelly.
She always bums me out.

Fine.

Well, it's unprecedented,

but we'll just have a tie between you
and Terry for Funniest Lawyer.

I'm tied with Terry?

Is this because he performed
a closing argument

like he was in Hamilton?

Anyone can say, "My client wasn't
in the room where it happened."

- That's extremely witty.
- I need to get Shelly in here.

Honestly, I just wanted to see
this sad, suburban casino before I died.

I'm not an idiot, Mom.
Obviously, you're checking up on me.

No.

It never occurred to me
you might be down to your last few chips,

drowning your sorrows in booze.

For your information,

I only have a few chips
because they're each worth $1000.

And I've been drinking Diet Coke.

Pardon me for getting thirsty
and watching my figure!

Yeah, you guys keep slugging it out.
I'm gonna go sit in for you.

Oh, I'm sorry if you had to wait.

I've never played blackjack. What do I do?

- You can ask for another card.
- Why not? I'll take one.

Twenty-one.

Wow.

I'm hooked.

What is happening? Who is that man?

He's... for you. 'Cause this is a setup.

I have been your sister my entire life,
and you've never set me up with anyone.

Fine.

I'm pretending to be the CEO of Say Grace

so that Stewie over there,
who's now a bazillionaire, will invest.

Isn't Stewie that guy you proved
was a loser in high school?

Yes. But now he's very rich.

I need you to act like I'm the CEO,
and you're the intern until he leaves.

Please!

Please, please, please.

Oh, my God! Fine.

But I'm only doing this
out of sisterly whatever

so you get out of my office.

Thank you. But in your backstory,
we are not sisters.

Isn't he gonna remember me
from high school?

No.

No one remembers you from high school.

And anyway, my backstory in high school
was I didn't have a sister.

So, as I was saying, your name is Sally.
Or Sallory.

It's unclear at this moment.

You have emotional issues,
and you just got dumped.

Smile! Hi!

Knock, knock.

- Who's there?
- Shelly.

Shelly who?

Shelly Burke. You asked to see me.

Shelly compare thee to a summer's day?

It doesn't work this way around. I was
trying to do a knock-knock bit. Come in!

Am I in trouble?

No, no. I was just concerned about you.

You didn't vote in the Lawscars.
I wanted to make sure everything was okay.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I'm trying to get this divorce done
before my maternity leave.

There's an 18-year-old dog.

I'm just trying to get it resolved
before he dies.

Poor Rocky. Caught in the middle.

Well, I'm sure old Rocky
can hang on until after the Lawscars.

He went 12 rounds with Apollo Creed.

Are you trying to get me to vote for you
for Best Lawyer?

What? No.

I was hoping "Funniest."

Are you funny?

Am I...? Huh.

You're clearly an uninformed voter.

Were you not in the office
when I did my Christopher Walken?

I was.

Shelly, you know,
I do sign your paychecks.

- Fine. I'll vote for you.
- Right.

Because you believe I'm the funniest.

I mean, I want you
to vote your conscience.

What am I talking about?
You're a lawyer. Ha!

Can I get back to work now?

Sure. Thanks.

All right now, come on.

Let's get that ballot in
and enjoy the show tonight.

- I think my water just broke.
- Oh, shit.

We gotta get you to a hospital.
It's happening?

This is so exciting!

Hey! Joan-Margaret!
Can you bring a ballot over here, stat?

Shelly's having a baby!

I'm sorry. I said the wrong thing
and now you're in a spiral.

You're my baby boy
and I was worried about you.

But I shouldn't have said what I said.

And you shouldn't have come here
to spy on me either.

In my defense,
you were not supposed to know.

Buy yourself something pretty.

Sorry for the delay, folks.

I was attacked by these
two surprisingly strong and old...

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Buy yourself a new name.

Wait a minute, there's alcohol in here.

But Coyote was drinking Diet Coke.

No, I distinctly remember your son,

or sugar-baby, saying,
"I'll have a Diet Coke.

No, fuck it, make it a rum and Coke.

No, keep the Diet Coke, just add rum.

Actually, do they still make Mr. Pibb?"

Oh, no.

You seem mature for an intern.

Is this for grad school?

Grad school. Yup.

Yup. I'm a late bloomer.

That's one of the reasons
my boyfriend broke up with me.

I'm Sally.

Yeah, you already said that.
Which grad school?

Oh, uh...

University of... Yeah, The San Diegans.

Stuart, let her get back to her work
so she doesn't lose her scholarship.

Uh, Taneth is on the phone and she says
it's urgent that she talk to the CEO.

You know what?

Sally, I want you to take the call.

Oh, really? Do you think I'm ready?

You're gonna let the intern
take the call?

Gotta learn by doing, Stu.

That's the Say Grace way.

She does have that sharp nail file.

Hi, Taneth?

- Good.
- Good.

Yes. Yes, the Eye Butter is good to go.
Yeah.

What? Canceled? No. No, of course not.

No, that's our baby. You know?

It's our first big thing
in the Mallory-Taneth era.

I...

I don't know
who would have authorized that.

Uh...

Yeah, I'd be disappointed in me too.

You know what?
I'm gonna get to the bottom of this...

She hung up.

She wasn't super happy
you canceled that butter stuff.

You canceled the Eye Butter?

I'm gonna go for a quick coffee run.
Stu, how do you like it?

Sit down.

I sure did.

Because I'm the CEO,

and CEOs sometimes
have to make tough decisions.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Whoa!

I'm all for empowering the intern,
but are you gonna let her talk like that?

- She is unstable, remember?
- I am not unstable!

I am not the intern. I am the CEO.

And Brianna doesn't even
work here anymore.

What? I had no clue.

Is that true?

Okay.

Yes, technically,
I am no longer the CEO of Say Grace.

And technically,
I do not work here in any capacity.

What was your plan?

To get me to invest
and then spring the truth on me?

You pretty much nailed it.

Of course I did.
Well, I am officially saying no to you.

I would never work with somebody
that I can't trust.

Oh, and you might wanna check
that old math equation of yours.

Oh, wait, you can't.

You never learned to show your work.

Yes!

So, what happened with Shelly?

- She had a nine-pound baby boy.
- What...?

Emergency C-section.

Incredibly difficult birth.

Named him Ludwig.

Strange choice.

Mm-hm.

So, mother, baby, and ballot all okay?

Got it.

Yes! So I won?

You bet you did, funny guy.

I knew I was the funniest.

Yeah, you sure are.

You won with double the amount of votes
that Terry got.

Two votes to one.

Wait a minute.

The only people that voted
were Terry, Shelly, and me?

Just take the W, Bud.

I thought you said everyone
but one person voted.

And they did.

On the important stuff.

You know, like Best Lawyer,
Best Amicus Brief, Best Greg.

I don't understand.

"Funniest" is an important category.

Apparently not to a bunch of people
employed at a law firm.

What's going on?

I just thought people really got something
out of my humor.

Like maybe
I brightened up their day a little bit.

I just thought I was doing something
that meant something to somebody.

Well, it means something
to you and Shelly.

Well, not Shelly.

If I can't be the funniest guy in
the office, all I have is a career I hate.

And a loving wife, a beautiful child.

A mistress?

Comedy was my mistress,
and she left me today.

Oh, you're serious.

Oh, bless your heart.

Ah, I hate to say it, but you were right.

You have to be a little more specific.

We talking about the red light back there?

Biosphere 2? Your homemade deodorant?

Oh, I like smelling like raisins.

And you know I'm talking about Coyote.

I did make things worse
by checking up on him.

You do know your son, Frankie.

Maybe you were right to worry.

No, if he wants to let off steam
at a casino,

I shouldn't assume he's on some bender.

Well, I wouldn't call it a bender.

If I'd believed in him in the first place,
none of this would have happened.

- Frankie...
- It's a relief he's not drinking.

At least I can die
knowing he's gonna be okay.

Of course I won, Allison.
It was no contest.

Yeah. Yeah, it felt great.

What's that, Greg?

He said that all the winners
are gonna go have a quick one.

Yeah, I'm there, buddy.

Not gonna let you winners
have a drink without me.

"Livin' la Vida Loca"!

Allison, I promise I will make it
as quick as possible.

I love you too.

She's definitely not here?

No, I told you, it's new topping day
at the yogurt shop.

She's gonna be gone for hours.
Would you please sit down?

No, I'm just here for my winnings.
I'm not staying.

Jessica and I
are gonna take some "us" time.

Just for a minute?

Okay, so, yes,

your mother was wrong
to be checking up on you.

But we both know
that her instincts were right.

I tried your Diet Coke.

Are you gonna tell her?

Well, you're an adult.

It's on you to decide that.

Just so you know,
that was the first drink that I ordered.

I swear. I'm still sober.

And I scared the shit out of myself.

I'm headed to a meeting right after this.

That's great. Good for you.

You wanna come with me?

God, no.

But maybe after the meeting,
you could call your mother?

Don't wait to fix things.

That sounds like something she would say.

But she'd say it
with a mouthful of cookie dough.

You know,
I really hate fighting with my mom.

It's just, ever since she got
that stupid death date,

she's been trying to wrap me up
in a neat little bow.

- Fucking death date.
- So stupid.

- She's not dying.
- Yeah.

Is it getting hot in here?

Um... I think we're outside.

- Do you need some water?
- No, I'm good. I'm good.

You're the one with the problem, buddy.

You should be processing your feelings
instead of numbing yourself with booze.

Um, did you literally just take a Valivan
while telling me not to numb myself?

This is medicine, prescribed by my doctor.

Well, somebody's doctor.

Look, I know that this is the last thing
that you want to hear,

but it looks like you're not dealing with
your feelings and now you're spiraling.

And you know what that means.

Oh, yeah. It means I'm pulling a Coyote.

Good for you.

Doesn't it feel good to know you're
gonna start processing those feelings?

Not one fucking bit.

Right?

Oh, wait. Your winnings.
Seven thousand dollars.

Seven thousand dollars?

You're welcome.

I was up 12,000 before you took over.

I'm a big tipper.

♪ I've been up and ♪

♪ I've been down ♪

♪ Almost level ♪

♪ With the ground ♪

♪ But you know I
I'm still ♪

♪ Still around ♪

♪ Yeah, and I've got that feeling ♪

♪ All in my bones ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Yeah, I've got that feeling
Mm-mm-hmm ♪

♪ All in my bones ♪