Grace and Frankie (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - The Aide - full transcript

♪ Well, I don't know
Why I came here tonight ♪

♪ Got the feelin'
That somethin' ain't right ♪

♪ I'm so scared
In case I fall off my chair ♪

♪ And I'm wondering
How I'll get down the stairs ♪

♪ And there's clowns to the left of me
Jokers to the right ♪

♪ Here I am
Stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

Oh.

Isn't it nice to have the house
back the way it was?

Yeah.
Thanks for all your help unpacking.



Be honest, Grace, you knew
I wasn't going to do anything.

I figured it out when I saw
all your boxes were labeled "Grace."

Hey, the ship is pointed the wrong way.

You're pointed the wrong way.

Hi!

Well, look who's here... again.

Just stopped by to get a bucket of sand
for Macklin's school project.

Don't you live by a park with a sand box?

You don't get into Harvard with park sand.

Do you smell gas?

- And here's Bud.
- Again.

Hi, Mal.

What are you doing here...
on a Wednesday?

Wednesday is my day...
to pick up Macklin's sand.



Oh, 'cause I'm pretty sure Wednesday
is my day to bring our moms pastries.

I'm pretty sure Wednesday
is my day to ask,

"What the fuck are you both doing here?"

Wasn't that ship pointed the other way?

- Yes.
- No.

All right, what gives?

- Why are you always coming by?
- I'm here for sand!

And I have cinnamon buns
and elephant ears.

Don't compliment yourself.

- You know what I think?
- Hmm?

I think you're coming by to check on us.

And I think, for once, you're right.

I say we separate them
like they separated us.

Yeah, you take Sandbox.
I'll take Cinnamon Buns.

Let me show you where the sand is.

What should we do, Mom?
You're still living out here all alone.

So, you decided to check up on us
with the subtlety of Scooby and Shaggy?

Forgive me if after your crazy squat
our worries didn't go away.

I feel fine.

I went bodysurfing this morning.
Not on purpose, but it happened.

And look at me, I'm good.

So, stop being so obsessed with us.

Please, just let me get someone
to help you out a few days a week.

You mean, like, hire us an assistant?

More like a fun friend who stops by...

to monitor your blood pressure,
test your motor skills.

You never did understand "fun."

I'm sorry.
Mom, we didn't mean to be so sneaky.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll passive-aggressively torture you
about that later.

What is going on at Say Grace?

- Huh?
- What do you mean?

Every time I ask your sister,
she clams up.

Is she doing anything to avoid bankruptcy

or is she'll set fire
to the building and call it a day?

Insurance fraud has been discussed.

I don't need a nurse stopping by.

But I need to know
everything is okay with you.

I have needs, too.

I need to find my bottoms
from when I went bodysurfing.

I must find where Grace unpacked

my weed box.

But you know what I really need?

To be a grandmother again
without you looking over my shoulder.

I'll tell you what.

You do this for me
and I'll do that for you.

Really?

You'll drop Faith off here
every Thursday for Feminist Fridays?

Hashtag, don't let men
tell you what day it is.

Yes.

If someone checks in
and I know you're okay,

then I'm okay with you being with Faith.

Fine. Deal.

Look at us, negotiating.

It's fun, right?

Mm, you still don't get that word.

How am I gonna tell Grace
about our caregiver?

Oh, that's not gonna be fun.

Now he gets it.

Did she at least accept my advice
on how to rebrand my original line?

Yeah... sort of.

Uh... hmm...

She rebranded the price of them.

What the fuck does that mean?

Um... Uh, that she
is reaching a whole new market.

Well, good. Which one?

The one for people who...

wanna save money?

She's dumping my line, isn't she?

Can I pretend to get sand now?

What are you doing?

I'm folding Peter's laundry.

He left it in the dryer with a note
that said, "Please, fold my laundry."

He really is a terrible house guest.

Why are you doing it?

Isn't it obvious?

I'm kissing his ass
until he picks this season's show.

Robert? Hurry with my underpants!

And it better be Man of La Mancha.

Come, give me a hand.

Ew.

What a bunch of boner killers, am I right?

I just found out Say Grace
is having a fire sale.

Basically, Brianna's just
giving it all away.

What is it with that kid?

Who raised her?

Mostly, a gal named Hildy.

So, what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna set her straight.

Which is what I hope you did with Bud.

- Uh-huh.
- Okay.

Do you smell gas?

She was picked up for shoplifting.

Joan-Margaret?

Apparently, she jacked
a rotisserie chicken from Good Stuff.

That's crazy.
They're so much better at Gelson's.

Poor Joan-Margaret.
Do you think she actually did it?

I don't know. She is full of surprises.

- Either way, she needs representation.
- And you're going to do it, of course?

Of course. I'd do anything for her.

- And?
- And what?

And this gets you back in the game.

So, maybe you're just a little glad
she stole that chicken, aren't you?

Stop assuming my client stole the chicken.

And... maybe a little glad.

I'm naked!

Lock down your friggin' play
and get him out of here.

Okay.

Something bad will happen
in about two minutes.

You're selling off my entire line?

You're a minute-fifty off.

Brianna, by off-loading the old line,
you're cheapening the entire brand.

Mom, I have to move the line
so that I can recoup whatever I can.

And, if you'll excuse me,
I have an unpaid intern to yell at.

- I'm not going anywhere.
- Oh, God, she's squatting again.

You know what I don't understand?

You accept help from your sister
who has no idea what she's doing...

That's awesome.

But you won't accept it from
the person who can actually help you.

But I don't need your help.

Oh, fine. Okay, what's your plan?

Is this about Walden Villas?

Because we never
appropriately processed that.

Let's have a girls' weekend.

Just you, and Frankie, and Mallory,
and I'll stay here.

You know, as I see it,
you have three options.

You can declare bankruptcy
which is not an option.

- You can sell to Lauren...
- Which is also not an option.

Option number three,
you can let me help you.

Help, like, you working here again?

Help, like me saving the company.

Something bad is going to happen to you
in about two minutes.

Our first interview is in five minutes.
Where's Grace?

Yeah...

I didn't tell her.

- Why?
- Because when I do, her head will explode.

And when it does,

...I'd prefer to have
the caregiver already there.

I see your point.

You got a nursing degree
from Northwestern University,

eight years managing a retirement home.
Anything else we should know?

I'm a people person.

Grace hates people.

And obviously I try to be
as un-intrusive as possible.

I'm afraid I'll clash with his aura again.

Again?

Yes. Like we did in the 17th century.

But it's good to see you.

Next time, let's not make it so long.

I can start as soon as you want.

Mom, any questions?

Only one.

Two trains leave the same station
at the same time.

Both are going to Hogwarts,
but only one of them is magic.

Which train arrives first?

- Who's next?
- No one!

You've vetoed every single candidate.

Bud, it's hard.

This person is gonna be in our home.

Grace is just getting used
to me being there.

It's a delicate dance.

Look, Mom, if you're not gonna
take this seriously,

I will find a person for you.

Maybe the problem is
we're hung up on the word "person."

No. A super has to be a person.

Excuse me.

Pardon me, Norman.

Thanks for the laundry, Robert.

Although, I found
a ClingFree in my sleeve.

Sorry.

So, have you given any more thought
to this season's musical?

Yes, I've narrowed it down,
but let's talk about it.

I mean, I know what I think,
but I'd like to hear what I think again.

My first choice opened
at The Biltmore in 1968...

- Hair.
- Very good.

Choice number two,
Andrew Lloyd Webber's gayest...

Cats.

Let me finish a damn sentence.

Can you finish your next one
with Man of La Mancha?

Well, now I don't want to.

Actually, I never did.

Peter, what is your problem
with the best musical ever written?

It's about an old guy
who talks to himself.

I have one of those at the gym.

Don Quixote de La Mancha is one of the
greatest characters in theater history.

And now I'm finally old enough
and delusional enough to play him.

Robert, your voice
is drilling holes in my ears.

I need a completely quiet space to mull.

Cats is calling to me.

Okay, let me just leave you with this:

Cervantes once said, and I quote,

"Those who'll play with cats

must expect to be scratched."

Robert, let me leave you with this:

Peter once said,

"Those who quote Cervantes
in order to get their way

must also expect to be scratched."

Smoke away, Grizabella.

Joan-Margaret, I am at your service.

Tell me everything.

Don't take this the wrong way, Sol,

but I need someone
with a killer instinct for my team.

Are you sure Robert's not available?

Just because he was
the bad cop to my good cop

doesn't mean that I can't also be bad.

Well, you better be good at it.

Okay, let's get to your case.

How did you find yourself
in this situation?

Was it the gambling?

No, it wasn't the gambling.
It was the losing.

So, you did steal the rotisserie chicken?

No, of course not.

I'm not a thief, Sol.

In 40 years, did I ever steal from you?

Well, apart from office supplies,
which everyone does.

Everyone steals office supplies?

That's why I give people
legal pads at Christmas.

I still think it was very thoughtful.

That dog is driving me nuts.

He eats my shoes. He won't stop barking.

Shut it!

Oh.

That's how you do it?

Worked on my husband.

Okay, so what exactly happened
that day at the market?

Well, the same thing that happened
when I got on the wrong bus over here.

I had a senior moment.

And just like I got on the right bus
once I realized,

I was going to pay the store
once I remembered.

- You were?
- Yes.

Haven't you ever had a senior moment?

All the time.

This morning I couldn't remember
the word for "sock."

All I could say was,

"The thing that goes
between your foot and your shoe."

And nobody should be punished
for getting older.

Thank you, Sol.

What are you doing?

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Habit.

Hi, Grace.

I'm Toby. You remember
to take your Benazepril today?

- Who are you?
- I'm Toby!

Did you remember to take
your Benazepril today?

Uh... Frankie! Frankie?

- Who the hell is this?
- Ah. This is my pal, Toby.

We met at Del Taco.

Totally hit it off.

No, dear.
I'm your at-home health aide.

Classic Toby. I love that bit.

Frankie.
May I speak with you alone?

Just give her 90 seconds.

You want to die today, Toby?

Why is there
a human pill dispenser in my kitchen?

Because Bud made me go human.

Frankie, what the hell is going on?

Well, the good news is
I'm a functioning grandmother again.

I just had to agree to having
a teeny-weeny-eensy somebody

in our house looking after us.

Are you out of your mind?!

You get to babysit
and I have to be babysat?

It's just Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays.

Three times a week?

Wanna give him Fridays off?
I'm good with that.

I don't want a stranger in my house.

I don't either.

But if we agree to this,

Bud will let me have
my Thursdays with Faith.

I'm sorry. I know how much
this means to you,

but I can't have somebody
that makes me feel old and enfeebled.

every minute of every day,
three times a week.

What would you rather?

Our kids coming by all the time
with elephant ears and buckets of sand

or a caregiver
who we don't need to be nice to?

You love not being nice to people.

I don't love it.

I'm just really good at it.

Give me one more chance
to find someone you won't hate.

Hey, let's sunscreen up, people!

You're fired.

You're giving me dairy before bed?

I'm sorry. Will it give you
"Impossible Dreams"?

Is there a song from Man of La Mancha
called, "Get the Hell Out of My Room"?

Bu... Bu...

Ready to crack this case, Norman?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were busy.

Wow. You're like wall-to-wall dog.

She clearly walks past
the cashiers without paying.

Hold it.

Did you see that?

Even you steal office supplies?

Yuck.

Frankie!

God.

Well, Brianna!

What brings you here?

Something you want to tell me?

Anything you want to ask?

I love when you make it
so easy for me, Mommy.

That's all I'm trying to do.

Okay.

I choose option three.

Pardon?

I choose option three.

And which one was option three?

It is not option one or two.

The only way I can see myself doing this

is if I lay down some ground rules.

Such as?

Here.

- Yeah.
- You're gonna need this.

I always need this.

Okay. My office is mine.
My assistant is mine.

If you want to criticize me,
do it privately.

You want to criticize me privately,

do it slow enough
so that I can think of comebacks.

You cannot wear red. It's my power color.

- Are you done?
- No, not even close.

Actually, not true,
I'm pretty close.

You would be a consultant, serving
at the pleasure of the CEO. That's me.

I won't call you "Mom."
I'll call you "Grace."

Been begging you
to do that since you were four.

Last but not least, I get final say.

You're my daughter.
We don't need all these rules.

Need I remind you
of my lemonade stand when I was a kid?

'Cause I set up the entire thing,

made the shitty signs, I squeezed
the lemons, yelled at the cars.

I was having a really good time

until you came in and took over
because of my poor profit margin.

You moved me to a different corner,
you watered down my lemonade,

and then you re-branded it as
"Citrus Breeze" to bring in an older demo.

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
That must have really hurt your feelings.

Yes, it did.

But, as I recall, you had a lot
of dollar bills to wipe away those tears

because my way worked.

But it made me feel terrible.

Did you feel terrible
when you bought that denim jacket

that you wanted so badly?

Never felt right wearing that
because you didn't respect me.

I thought it was
'cause it pulled under the arms.

It was that, too.

But you get my point.

I do. I do. You're right.

We're gonna do it your way.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

So, I'll see you tomorrow at 9:00.

We start at 10:00.

Your business is going under
and you start at 10:00?

Yeah, we work late.

Except for tomorrow
'cause I have a dentist appointment.

Ignore.

Mom?

Shit.

Hola, you have reached
the voicemail of Frances Bergstein.

Mom, you fired Toby?

Boop.

- Mom!
- Okay, fine. I fired Toby.

But he failed his drug test.
He wouldn't smoke with me.

Mom, we had a deal.

I know, but Grace said "no"
and she was right.

All he wanted to do was check
my blood pressure and hand out pills.

That's what he's supposed to do.

Oh, then he's excellent.

But he made us feel
like we were a million years old.

I will find you someone else.

No, I will find me somebody else.

I need to find the right person for me,
and only I know who that is.

Do you understand that?

- I think I do.
- You do?

Yeah. It's like when I inherited
Joan-Margaret from Dad.

Exactly. She was right for him,
but you had to find your own person.

Now, if we can just do away
with that "person" thing...

Boop.

There she is.

Oh, my, I look a fright.

As you can see, my client has turned
around and is going back into the store

because she just remembered
that she forgot to pay.

With all due respect,
we can't possibly know her intent.

You're right. I'm sure she returned
to the crime scene

to buy sriracha for your very dry chicken.

They can be dry.

Mr. Bergstein, why your client
turned around is purely speculative.

I guess we'll never know,

because no sooner
had my client walked back in

then security shamelessly shackled her
before she had a chance to do anything.

She stole a chicken!

And they're not dry.

She didn't steal anything.

She had what we seniors often refer to

as a "senior moment."

Look, you're going to get old one day.

All of you...

if you're lucky.

And you're gonna put the cream cheese
in the silverware drawer.

You're going to forget
why you walked into a room.

And you might even walk out of a store
and forget to pay.

So, when you start having senior moments,

do you want to be shaken down
for a chicken?

Shame on you for bringing indignity

on a woman who never stole anything
in her life.

Except office supplies.

And everyone does that.

I will never take a yoga class
with Barry again.

He could scream less.

So, that's why we've decided
to end the fire sale.

Oh, Brianna! Right on time.

It's only 10:00 a.m.

What the hell, Mom?

Oh no, you mean, "What the hell, Grace?"

It is one of your ground rules.

Don't go in here!

I have gone in.

Turn around. Go.

Walk, walk, walk.

Dude, why didn't you give me a heads-up?

Don't know which one of you will win,
so I'm playing both sides.

Okay, just stay behind me.
Don't touch me.

Flank me on the left.
We are taking back this meeting.

Let's do this.

- Thank you so much...
- So.

...this has been really productive.

And Margie, you are hysterical.

I adore you.

So good to get an early start.

Who is Margie?

Hey, hey, hey. What happened?

You'll be relieved to know Joan-Margaret
won't be eating her chicken behind bars.

Fantastic. Congratulations.

- Eh.
- What? You won your case.

Eh...

Joan-Margaret and I went out to celebrate.

The waiter messed up
and we got a free dessert.

And then Joan-Margaret
told them it was my birthday

and we got another free dessert.

So you've got an upset stomach?

Eh...

I don't know.

Do you feel like you just
don't have it anymore?

- No, I was really good in there today.
- Mm-hmm.

It just... didn't feel the same.

It didn't feel like me anymore.

Remember when I couldn't
imagine myself retiring?

Now, I can't remember
why I loved it in the first place.

You'll find you something else to love.
I know you will.

- Hey, you still love wine, right?
- Well, yeah.

Let's open a bottle and cuddle up
and watch an old movie tonight?

I do love our depressed nights.

Robert, I'm done mulling.

I thought you were done being here.

Uh... we're
kind of in the middle of something.

Oh, okay, I'll go tell someone else

the New Lear Theater Company
is doing Man of La Mancha.

No!

- Yes!
- Yes!

What made you decide?

Well, I was just thinking

you ruined my marriage
and you've been an inconsiderate host,

but you did let me stay here,

so I owed you something.

So, come on, let's go out
and celebrate me... on you.

Well, I'd love to,
but actually we're staying in

to celebrate Sol's depression.

Isn't that every night here?

You go out and have a good time,
Don Quixote.

I'd be no fun anyway.

I can't leave you here alone.

Oh.

I am not alone.

"Move this again and I will delete
all of your Ray Donovans."

You wouldn't dare.

Oh, oh.

Try me.

Step away from the remote.

Step away from the ship.

What are the odds
you picked up the right remote?

Do you feel lucky?

No more standoffs.
I've had enough of that at Say Grace.

Oh, by the way,

how did Bud take it when
you told him how things will be?

He took it very well.

- Oh, good.
- Because I actually hired someone.

- Okay, now I'm not taking it well.
- You will.

Just wait.

Here she comes.

Where?

She's coming.

She'll be here in a minute.

- Joan-Margaret?
- Hello, Grace.

You continue to look just marvelous.

Thank you.

Here you are, my love.

Oh, for fuck's sake,
I've forgotten a spoon.

Well, back in a jiff.

She's perfect for us.

She's not a stranger.

And she won't make us feel old or slow.

And she's actually older than we are.

Isn't that beautiful?

That is beautiful.

Uh.

Well, she's not that slow.
You got your soup.

It's ice cream.

Uh-hmm.

♪ Let's tighten is up now ♪

♪ Do the tighten it up ♪

♪ Everybody can do it now ♪

♪ So get to it ♪

♪ We're gonna tighten up ♪

♪ Let's do the tighten up ♪

♪ You can do it now ♪

♪ So, baby, get to it ♪

♪ Look to your left now ♪

♪ Look to your right ♪

♪ Everybody can do it ♪

♪ But don't you get too tight ♪

♪ Come on and tighten up ♪

♪ Let's tighten it up now ♪

♪ Let's tighten it up now ♪

♪ Tighten it up ♪

♪ Oh, do the tighten up ♪

♪ Come on and tighten it up ♪

♪ Tighten it up now ♪

♪ Come on now, Billy
Tighten it up ♪

Oh, yeah.

- Sock it to him.
- Sock it to me now.

Tighten it up.

Okay, good night.