Grace and Frankie (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Episode #2.8 - full transcript
We'll play in here, Frankie, OK?
I'll be there in a second, Grace.
Bud, I can't talk right now.
Uh, I understand you want to vent
about your father, but I'm not your man.
Call Aunt Irma.
Grace! Grace, I got a package.
It might be a gift. It's really heavy.
It could be cheese. It could be cheese!
I don't think we have room
for any more cheese.
-I will make room for cheese.
-I'm putting that on your tombstone.
Oh.
And don't try to make a wig
out of that stuff,
'cause I'm not gonna wear it.
I'm not even be insulted by that.
Oh, sweet Saint Gary.
-The prototypes for my lube!
-Let me see.
Brianna needs my input on packaging,
bottling, marketing, packaging.
-You said packaging.
-Oh, packaging too.
Oh, this is a big moment
in the history of the vagina.
And the dry silent majority everywhere.
Oh, I can't even remember
the last time I was this excited.
Oh, that's not true,
I've been this excited a lot.
But I am really excited.
They're gonna put me on the cover
of Lube Magazine!
That's not a thing.
So, you want to know which one I'd pick?
Nah.
I'm just kidding. Which one?
This one.
Nah. It's so much fun.
Frankie, you want every aspect of
your packaging to tell the narrative.
You know,
you have to establish a memorable visual.
Huh?
Oh, my God. Shut up.
You shut up.
No, look.
Farther.
Farther.
I think
we may have to let this one go, pal.
It's a text from Phil.
He wants to have lunch with me tomorrow.
Oh, that's exciting.
Lunch with the Phil
I-Forget-His-Last-Name,
-Alexopoulos?
-You remembered.
Where's lunch? Someplace romantic?
In a way.
We're meeting at The Anchor Bar.
It's where I... It's where we...
Oh, wait! Don't walk away
in the middle of the story.
What did you do? Kiss?
Grope? Fondle? What?
It's where I first knew
that he felt what I felt.
Oh. Well, tell me anyway.
Well...
when Robert and Sol would be away
on their gay sex business trips...
-Mm.
-...I didn't like the idea of coming back
to an empty house after work.
So I would treat myself to a drink or two,
or one time, four,
at The Anchor
across the street from the office.
You know, it's been there for ages.
Yeah, it and me both.
No, no, it gets better.
One night, it was about, um,
three months after Phil
stopped working on our house,
and I walked in and there he was.
Just by chance.
He bought me a drink and we talked.
And we laughed.
We really laughed.
And at the end of the night,
he put his hand on my back...
and I felt something
that I had never felt
in 40 years with Robert.
Mm.
Oh, sister, you said the story
would get better and damn it, it did.
So I started seeing him
when Robert was away.
And sometimes when he wasn't away.
All those years, I thought
you were stuck-up and boring as shit.
But it turns out you were stuck-up
and interesting as shit.
Thanks.
-OK.
-Mm.
I don't know how to play chess.
- This is not my lube!
- Excuse me?
Mr. Brajaja-hadad,
I'm going to call you right back.
His name is Craig, he said call him Craig,
you should probably just call him Craig.
Not my lube. Not my lube.
-Frankie. Hello.
-Oh, don't try to sweet-talk me,
Miss Peed-in-her-pants-
at-her-tenth-birthday-party.
I had a medical condition. That's--
This is not my recipe.
And yes, my vagina can tell.
OK. Adam, can you please give us a second?
-Oh, absolutely not. No.
-What are you doing?
Oh, I have a few friends
that don't believe Frankie's real.
So, just go on.
-It's not my recipe.
-Look, we need--
We needed to add a few ingredients
for mass production.
Didn't you read the packet I gave you
along with those samples?
Of course. I skimmed them. Parts of them.
-No. What?
-It's nothing.
It's a little citrus seed, some palm oil--
Palm oil? Are you insane?
Palm oil?
Palm oil extraction
destroys the rain forest.
And do you know who lives
in the rain forest?
Oh, I don't know. Only our cousins.
-The Fleigelmans?
-The orangutans!
Oh, damn it! "Storage space full."
Do you want us to wait
while you delete some pictures?
-Would you?
-What is this face telling you?
Bye.
OK. Frankie, I can tell you're very upset.
So, let's just take a breath.
Let's sit down. Let's talk about this.
Great.
Now you want your lube in every
grocery store in America, right?
And some of the more
progressive car washes, yes.
OK.
Well, products like this can end up
sitting on a shelf for a year.
And they need a little help
to keep from spoiling.
Do you know how fast yams go bad?
-Yes, six months.
-No.
Then, no.
Do you want to explain
to the Good Stuff people
why your lube has a shelf life
of three to five weeks?
In a darkened room?
My lube is gonna be
in the Good Stuff stores?
That's the plan. Also in the packet.
-I read the packet.
-You just admitted you didn't.
-Well, then why keep bringing it up?
-Oh, to shame you.
I can't be a party to palm oil!
Is it in all your products?
No... palm oil is in every product.
It's in the shampoo you use, it's in
the Cheez-Its you're never not eating.
I bet I could open up your purse right now
and find three things
that have palm oil in them.
The joke's on you. I can't find my purse.
The joke is absolutely on me.
Frankie,
even if I wanted to get rid of palm oil,
which I totally do, I do...
this is how we've always done things,
since before I worked here.
-This is Grace's doing?
-That's not what I meant.
It makes so much sense. The enemy's
been right under my nose the whole time.
What? No. No.
I'm not saying that it's her fault.
What I'm saying
is that palm oil is ubiquitous.
Don't you try to hypnotize me
with your corporate power jargon.
I'm getting to the bottom of this.
Frankie Bergstein, out.
Well, that was fucking art.
This is really great, isn't it?
Way better than my
beige-on-beige-on-beige hotel room.
I loved doing this
when you boys were little.
You mean the four nights a year
when you and Mom
would let us run the AC
and we'd all sleep huddled around it?
Yeah, we'd play Bergstein Foot Jenga.
And tell Jewish ghost stories.
Is that what got you into Kabbalah?
That was college. I was trying things.
It was a girl. It was Mom.
You know who'd hate this right now?
Robert.
So...
What's the plan for getting him back?
Well, I'm giving him some time.
Which is a non-plan.
But I know he won't have the answer
I'm hoping for right now, so...
maybe if I let him thaw,
he'll be able to hear me.
-Good plan.
-Nah, I don't see it.
No, no, no, Dad's right.
You can't talk rationally to Robert
when he's angry.
Which is why I've been working
from my neutral-toned hotel room.
He's angry even though
you're not at the office.
We all hide until he calms down
or until he eats a tea bag,
which, by the way,
he's been doing a lot these days.
Grace was very clear
I should leave him alone.
Yeah, the problem is Grace
still has her dignity and ego intact.
Take it from someone that has neither:
You need to show Robert your heart.
That way he knows exactly what to stomp on
before he takes you back.
I don't know.
No, believe me, Dad. It works.
It's how I got Bud back.
Uh, full disclosure,
I'm still not totally back.
He needs to know that you love him
and you're not giving up.
I'm not giving up.
You have 12 new messages.
Hello, Robert. It's me.
Wait, no.
It's not "me." I mean, it is me,
but I guess I don't have the right
to say "it's me" anymore.
I'm no longer your "it's me."
So, anyway...
it's Sol...
Bergstein.
J'accuse!
Which means--
I know what it means.
It means you got too stoned again
and tried to even out
drinking too much coffee.
Green tea, but this isn't about that.
I know it was all you, Grace.
Oh, yes. I talked to Brianna.
-I know all about the palm oil.
-Oh. You do, do you?
I know it's in
all of Say Grace's products.
I thought this might come up.
Do you know what used to be
in all of Say Grace's products?
-Parabens.
-Ha, parabens, even worse.
I should do my one-woman show
on parabens for you some time,
"Para-Been To Hell And Back."
You have. Twice. Two times.
Don't change the subject, Grace.
I didn't. Look, just so you know,
we thought palm oil would be
a better alternative for women's health.
It wasn't until just a few years ago
we knew how terrible it was
for the environment.
I've known forever.
What would Frances Mengela say?
She wouldn't even recognize me.
She used to bare her breasts at
the Republican National Convention,
she would throw stink bombs at
the Republican National Convention.
And now I've turned into a--
an orangutan-genocide profiteer.
No, you mean a profiteer
of orangutan genocide.
'Cause the way you said it, it sounds like
you're a morally bankrupt orangutan.
Not the time, Grace.
I can't lube a vagina with one hand
and smack an orangutan with the other.
As an outside contractor,
you don't have a say in this.
But what you can do
is make a passionate argument.
And if you make a compelling enough case,
they might listen to you.
You think a song would work?
'Cause I think I've got one.
♪ Blood on your hands
Blood on your hands ♪
♪ Blood on my hands ♪
♪ What have you done?
What have you done? ♪
♪ Blood on my hands
Blood on my hands ♪
Oh, yeah, exactly.
No, I--
I think you've got this covered.
Uh, w-wait. Grace?
Hey. Morning. Did you hear
those crows? They were all like...
That's not right. No, it was more like...
Damn it.
What are you doing? Being weird?
It's soothing.
I needed something to do
before I see Phil.
I was gonna clean your hairbrush,
but I thought it would take too long.
-You guys having breakfast?
-Lunch.
Well, you look fantastic.
Even if there's Mumbai-scale traffic,
you've still got three hours
to get there.
What if I'm not the person
he thought I was?
You know,
what if we finally start this
and he finds he doesn't like
who I actually am?
But he does like who you actually are.
Well, he doesn't really know
who I am anymore.
You may not know this, Frankie,
but I'm a flawed person.
I do know that.
You know who else knows it?
My daughters, my grandkids, my friends,
every customer service representative
I ever interacted with.
Aren't you jumping to the end
of the story a little too soon?
I spent 40 years with a man
who didn't love me.
Maybe I'm the problem.
You know, maybe I'm unlovable.
-You're not unlovable.
-Are you sure?
Now you're fishing.
Guess what? You caught one.
I love you. You happy?
-What do I do?
-This is what you do.
You stand up.
You put your damn purse
on your arm the way you like it.
And then you do exactly
what you told me to do with Jacob.
What did I tell you to do with Jacob?
"Don't be an idiot."
-That does sound like me.
-Oh.
Ma'am? Are you sure
I can't get you anything?
No, thank you, Gretchen. I'm fine.
It's just, you've been here a half hour.
Please walk away.
See, it has to look like I just got here.
Off you go. Go.
Is somebody watching us?
If you're in some kind of trouble,
take your spoon and slide it
to the other side of the table.
Look... I got here very early for a date
because I was nervous
and now I don't want
to look desperate or insane.
So please do me a kindness and leave.
Phil.
Phil.
Oh, good Lord.
Phil!
I thought I heard my name
a bunch of times.
-You look lovely.
-Thank you. So do you.
Well, I don't mean lovely.
You know what I mean.
Wow.
Actually, I think that's my water.
I'm... I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Tell you what, we'll just switch.
Where is that waitress?
I keep trying to get her attention.
Um... Oh, there you are.
-Hello, sir. Ma'am.
-Hello.
Welcome to The Anchor.
I'm Gretchen and I will be your server.
Can I get you something to drink?
Let me take a crack at it,
for old time's sake.
Oh, OK. Crack away.
She'll have a vodka martini.
Straight up. Very dry.
Two olives.
And he'll have a rye Manhattan
served up in a rocks glass,
with an orange peel instead of a cherry.
Be right back.
You're doing great.
And when you look at my chart,
not actually my zodiac chart,
but the moon chart
from the year I was born,
and compare that to your chart,
you'll see it was literally written
in the stars for us to have this fight--
Of course, if you did look
at my zodiac chart,
you'd see that I'm cosmically doomed--
I guess I'm saying that it was so hard
for us to get to where we were.
Are we really going to let one--
I believe it was a young Mickey Rourke
who once said--
Actually, "hakuna matata" literally means
"there is no problem here" in Swahili.
I interpret that to mean
"there's no problem that's unsolvable"--
Message skipped.
To delete this message, press one.
To continue listening
to this message, press two.
I'm sorry for the long,
meandering messages.
The truth is, this was all
way too many words just to say...
I miss you like crazy.
My heart hurts not being with you.
You're my person.
I need you.
It's Sol. Sol Bergstein.
Frankie, we have a little saying
here at Good Stuff when we like a product.
-"This is Good Stuff."
-This is good--
-Dan, I was gonna say it.
-Sorry, Ger. Jumped the gun.
Well, gentlemen, it sounds like our lube
is going to be in your stores.
Yeah. And we could not be more thrilled.
I've got to say,
I'm excited to be involved
with such an eco-friendly company.
Well, we really pride ourselves on that.
You should. You are one of the
first companies to ban all those foods
which contain
genetically-modified ingredients.
Oh, you've done your research.
Thank you, Dan. That means so much
coming from a fellow hermano del mundo.
OK. I like you. Huh?
I like you, too. And I'm sure something
like palm oil must really upset you.
Oh, well, of course it upsets me,
but we have to--
You know what, let's just stay focused,
because I know that Stephen and Erica
had some shelf schematics
-they wanted to pitch you guys.
-Yeah, we call them "shelf stories."
Oh, we agreed "no" to "shelf stories."
Yes, and then we agreed
to let me try it.
Would anyone like
some Say Grace hand lotion?
It's so good.
It moisturizes as it protects.
Let's just let Stephen and Erica
do their thing.
Sorry, I'll put it on quietly.
Gerald, if you could just refer
to page five in your packet.
I got nothing here.
Stacey, did I get a packet?
Right. From Say Grace. No?
That's on you.
Ah, I'm so dry. Let's get it all over.
Frankie? What the hell?
-Oh, my God.
-Is that real blood?
Sure is.
It's from the orangutans we kill
so that we can put palm oil
in all our products.
You know, apparently here at Say Grace
we think that's "good stuff."
Oh, I've got so much extra.
Here you go, Dan.
-Oh, no. No! No!
-Dan, it's ketchup.
It's a goof.
It's gonna be funny. Soon.
Dan, I'm in the dark here.
What's going on?
-Uh, meeting's gone south, Ger.
-I'll go grab some towels.
-Gerry, I'm so sorry.
-No, no, we're gonna change it!
We don't have to have
blood on our hands.
This is a $3,000 suit.
Please take Dan across the street
to get him a sweatshirt
-and to get his suit cleaned.
-Yeah.
Uh, so wait,
just like any sweatshirt, or...
Do you remember that talk we had
about being more of a self-starter?
Today's the day, Stephen.
I don't want a sweatshirt.
Dan, let's go.
Good to meet you, Dan!
-What the fuck?
-I'm effecting change, baby.
And let's be clear,
there is no way in hell that
that is a $3,000 suit.
This is not how you effect change.
This is how you destroy
a business relationship
I've spent years building.
Did you honestly think
you could come in here
with your bloody performance art
and it would work?
Absolutely, yes. That's why I did it.
And I thought Adam would be here
so he could film it.
-Is he sick?
-No, don't sit down!
God damn it, Frankie.
I mean, I only included you
in this process as a favor
because you asked
to be taken seriously.
But in order to be taken seriously,
you have to be serious.
I am very serious.
Well, I'd invite you
to take a look at your hands
and reevaluate that statement.
I'm not gonna stand by
and have my lube--
No, my lube. You signed a contract.
And you've made it perfectly clear
that you don't respect that,
or me, or the business
that my mother built.
And so now I'm telling you
I have received the message.
-Thank you.
-And you're out.
What do you mean out?
I mean out the door,
out of luck, out to lunch.
Just as long as it's out.
Go home, Frankie. And if you haven't
already ruined everything,
maybe you'll get a check
a few times a year.
Out.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
What was your friend's name
we ran into that one time?
Her name was Joan
and she was made of cigarettes.
I thought she'd caught us.
We were holding hands.
Thank God she died
before she spilled the beans.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Kidding. She just moved
to Fort Lauderdale.
She did die, though.
To Joan.
You know why I picked this place?
Yes. Of course.
That was a special night.
Yes, it was.
It was lucky I ran into you.
Well, I may have known this was
your regular Friday night spot,
and I may have come here
intending to run into you.
Well, I maybe made up excuses
to see you, too.
Remember when I hired you
to put in the skylight?
-Yeah.
-I hate skylights.
What?
What is it?
What are you doing here?
I needed to get some things.
You nearly gave me
a second heart attack.
I'm sorry,
I didn't think you'd be home.
I took the day off, if you must know.
Which you mustn't.
You should have told me you were coming
so I could have told you not to.
You shouldn't be here.
What were you gonna do with that?
Bludgeon.
I thought it was a break-in.
I did tell you I was coming.
Didn't you get my messages?
Yes, Sol. I did.
All 18,000 of them.
But since the answering machine
is in the kitchen
and I did have to go to bed
at some point,
I could not listen to all of them.
I'm sorry. You have everything I own.
Except my rain sticks,
which were in my car.
There were actually some extra
rain sticks at the beach house.
Are you deliberately
trying to antagonize me?
No.
No.
I'll be out of your hair
in five minutes.
I just need to get a few--
Whoa.
Yeah. Sorry.
What can I do to help us
get through this?
Tell me what it's going to take,
and I'll do it.
Anything. Name it.
I'm not sure
there's anything you can do.
Are you telling me
you can't get past this?
I don't know.
Do you want to get past it?
I don't know.
What?
-I have to tell you something.
-OK.
-But you need to let me explain.
-OK.
I'm still married to Elaine.
Oh.
This is where
you need to let me explain.
Oh, God, I can't believe
I got it so wrong.
-Grace, just let me--
-No. I have to go.
-Grace!
-Sir, you need to pay your bill.
I haven't brought it yet,
but I was going to.
I will pay my bill. I just need to--
Fuck.
Hey.
Hey.
How was Phil?
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about my day,
either.
Well, I think the person
with blood all over their arms
is gonna have to say something.
Brianna fired me.
From my own lube.
-I'm out.
-What happened?
Art happened.
-Oh, dear.
-Performance art.
All over her office and this guy, Dan.
I'm not sure it was the best way
to get what I wanted.
Mostly because I didn't get what I wanted.
You know, the lube was one of
the coolest things I've ever created.
Oh... and I fucked it all up.
Frankie, in business,
when you want to change people's minds,
you have to do it
the way businesspeople do it.
You think I should have worn a suit?
No, you... you do some research,
you commission a study, talk to experts.
And mostly, you show them
how it can make them money.
Jesus, you're good at this.
Well, I used to be.
Oh, there's my order from China Bucket.
Uh, Grace?
You didn't let me finish.
He's way more handsome up close.
Thanks for letting me in.
Well, you got about five minutes
before Jeopardy comes on
and Frankie starts yelling
wrong answers to the screen.
My situation is... complicated.
So enlighten me.
After that night
we were supposed to meet in the hotel,
I told Elaine everything.
Even though I knew
it was over for you and me.
We decided to get divorced.
I even got an apartment.
Then she got sick.
And I just couldn't leave her.
Elaine has Alzheimer's.
Advanced now.
God, Phil. I'm s--
So, yes... I am married.
But the Elaine I knew is gone.
She hasn't been that Elaine
for a very long time.
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
I don't know. Really.
That day you came to my house,
seeing you...
I just wanted everything
to be like it was again.
Even if it was just for a drink.
I thought that would be enough.
It's not.
So...
what now?
That's up to you.
What is Machu Picchu?
Oh, shit!
I'll be there in a second, Grace.
Bud, I can't talk right now.
Uh, I understand you want to vent
about your father, but I'm not your man.
Call Aunt Irma.
Grace! Grace, I got a package.
It might be a gift. It's really heavy.
It could be cheese. It could be cheese!
I don't think we have room
for any more cheese.
-I will make room for cheese.
-I'm putting that on your tombstone.
Oh.
And don't try to make a wig
out of that stuff,
'cause I'm not gonna wear it.
I'm not even be insulted by that.
Oh, sweet Saint Gary.
-The prototypes for my lube!
-Let me see.
Brianna needs my input on packaging,
bottling, marketing, packaging.
-You said packaging.
-Oh, packaging too.
Oh, this is a big moment
in the history of the vagina.
And the dry silent majority everywhere.
Oh, I can't even remember
the last time I was this excited.
Oh, that's not true,
I've been this excited a lot.
But I am really excited.
They're gonna put me on the cover
of Lube Magazine!
That's not a thing.
So, you want to know which one I'd pick?
Nah.
I'm just kidding. Which one?
This one.
Nah. It's so much fun.
Frankie, you want every aspect of
your packaging to tell the narrative.
You know,
you have to establish a memorable visual.
Huh?
Oh, my God. Shut up.
You shut up.
No, look.
Farther.
Farther.
I think
we may have to let this one go, pal.
It's a text from Phil.
He wants to have lunch with me tomorrow.
Oh, that's exciting.
Lunch with the Phil
I-Forget-His-Last-Name,
-Alexopoulos?
-You remembered.
Where's lunch? Someplace romantic?
In a way.
We're meeting at The Anchor Bar.
It's where I... It's where we...
Oh, wait! Don't walk away
in the middle of the story.
What did you do? Kiss?
Grope? Fondle? What?
It's where I first knew
that he felt what I felt.
Oh. Well, tell me anyway.
Well...
when Robert and Sol would be away
on their gay sex business trips...
-Mm.
-...I didn't like the idea of coming back
to an empty house after work.
So I would treat myself to a drink or two,
or one time, four,
at The Anchor
across the street from the office.
You know, it's been there for ages.
Yeah, it and me both.
No, no, it gets better.
One night, it was about, um,
three months after Phil
stopped working on our house,
and I walked in and there he was.
Just by chance.
He bought me a drink and we talked.
And we laughed.
We really laughed.
And at the end of the night,
he put his hand on my back...
and I felt something
that I had never felt
in 40 years with Robert.
Mm.
Oh, sister, you said the story
would get better and damn it, it did.
So I started seeing him
when Robert was away.
And sometimes when he wasn't away.
All those years, I thought
you were stuck-up and boring as shit.
But it turns out you were stuck-up
and interesting as shit.
Thanks.
-OK.
-Mm.
I don't know how to play chess.
- This is not my lube!
- Excuse me?
Mr. Brajaja-hadad,
I'm going to call you right back.
His name is Craig, he said call him Craig,
you should probably just call him Craig.
Not my lube. Not my lube.
-Frankie. Hello.
-Oh, don't try to sweet-talk me,
Miss Peed-in-her-pants-
at-her-tenth-birthday-party.
I had a medical condition. That's--
This is not my recipe.
And yes, my vagina can tell.
OK. Adam, can you please give us a second?
-Oh, absolutely not. No.
-What are you doing?
Oh, I have a few friends
that don't believe Frankie's real.
So, just go on.
-It's not my recipe.
-Look, we need--
We needed to add a few ingredients
for mass production.
Didn't you read the packet I gave you
along with those samples?
Of course. I skimmed them. Parts of them.
-No. What?
-It's nothing.
It's a little citrus seed, some palm oil--
Palm oil? Are you insane?
Palm oil?
Palm oil extraction
destroys the rain forest.
And do you know who lives
in the rain forest?
Oh, I don't know. Only our cousins.
-The Fleigelmans?
-The orangutans!
Oh, damn it! "Storage space full."
Do you want us to wait
while you delete some pictures?
-Would you?
-What is this face telling you?
Bye.
OK. Frankie, I can tell you're very upset.
So, let's just take a breath.
Let's sit down. Let's talk about this.
Great.
Now you want your lube in every
grocery store in America, right?
And some of the more
progressive car washes, yes.
OK.
Well, products like this can end up
sitting on a shelf for a year.
And they need a little help
to keep from spoiling.
Do you know how fast yams go bad?
-Yes, six months.
-No.
Then, no.
Do you want to explain
to the Good Stuff people
why your lube has a shelf life
of three to five weeks?
In a darkened room?
My lube is gonna be
in the Good Stuff stores?
That's the plan. Also in the packet.
-I read the packet.
-You just admitted you didn't.
-Well, then why keep bringing it up?
-Oh, to shame you.
I can't be a party to palm oil!
Is it in all your products?
No... palm oil is in every product.
It's in the shampoo you use, it's in
the Cheez-Its you're never not eating.
I bet I could open up your purse right now
and find three things
that have palm oil in them.
The joke's on you. I can't find my purse.
The joke is absolutely on me.
Frankie,
even if I wanted to get rid of palm oil,
which I totally do, I do...
this is how we've always done things,
since before I worked here.
-This is Grace's doing?
-That's not what I meant.
It makes so much sense. The enemy's
been right under my nose the whole time.
What? No. No.
I'm not saying that it's her fault.
What I'm saying
is that palm oil is ubiquitous.
Don't you try to hypnotize me
with your corporate power jargon.
I'm getting to the bottom of this.
Frankie Bergstein, out.
Well, that was fucking art.
This is really great, isn't it?
Way better than my
beige-on-beige-on-beige hotel room.
I loved doing this
when you boys were little.
You mean the four nights a year
when you and Mom
would let us run the AC
and we'd all sleep huddled around it?
Yeah, we'd play Bergstein Foot Jenga.
And tell Jewish ghost stories.
Is that what got you into Kabbalah?
That was college. I was trying things.
It was a girl. It was Mom.
You know who'd hate this right now?
Robert.
So...
What's the plan for getting him back?
Well, I'm giving him some time.
Which is a non-plan.
But I know he won't have the answer
I'm hoping for right now, so...
maybe if I let him thaw,
he'll be able to hear me.
-Good plan.
-Nah, I don't see it.
No, no, no, Dad's right.
You can't talk rationally to Robert
when he's angry.
Which is why I've been working
from my neutral-toned hotel room.
He's angry even though
you're not at the office.
We all hide until he calms down
or until he eats a tea bag,
which, by the way,
he's been doing a lot these days.
Grace was very clear
I should leave him alone.
Yeah, the problem is Grace
still has her dignity and ego intact.
Take it from someone that has neither:
You need to show Robert your heart.
That way he knows exactly what to stomp on
before he takes you back.
I don't know.
No, believe me, Dad. It works.
It's how I got Bud back.
Uh, full disclosure,
I'm still not totally back.
He needs to know that you love him
and you're not giving up.
I'm not giving up.
You have 12 new messages.
Hello, Robert. It's me.
Wait, no.
It's not "me." I mean, it is me,
but I guess I don't have the right
to say "it's me" anymore.
I'm no longer your "it's me."
So, anyway...
it's Sol...
Bergstein.
J'accuse!
Which means--
I know what it means.
It means you got too stoned again
and tried to even out
drinking too much coffee.
Green tea, but this isn't about that.
I know it was all you, Grace.
Oh, yes. I talked to Brianna.
-I know all about the palm oil.
-Oh. You do, do you?
I know it's in
all of Say Grace's products.
I thought this might come up.
Do you know what used to be
in all of Say Grace's products?
-Parabens.
-Ha, parabens, even worse.
I should do my one-woman show
on parabens for you some time,
"Para-Been To Hell And Back."
You have. Twice. Two times.
Don't change the subject, Grace.
I didn't. Look, just so you know,
we thought palm oil would be
a better alternative for women's health.
It wasn't until just a few years ago
we knew how terrible it was
for the environment.
I've known forever.
What would Frances Mengela say?
She wouldn't even recognize me.
She used to bare her breasts at
the Republican National Convention,
she would throw stink bombs at
the Republican National Convention.
And now I've turned into a--
an orangutan-genocide profiteer.
No, you mean a profiteer
of orangutan genocide.
'Cause the way you said it, it sounds like
you're a morally bankrupt orangutan.
Not the time, Grace.
I can't lube a vagina with one hand
and smack an orangutan with the other.
As an outside contractor,
you don't have a say in this.
But what you can do
is make a passionate argument.
And if you make a compelling enough case,
they might listen to you.
You think a song would work?
'Cause I think I've got one.
♪ Blood on your hands
Blood on your hands ♪
♪ Blood on my hands ♪
♪ What have you done?
What have you done? ♪
♪ Blood on my hands
Blood on my hands ♪
Oh, yeah, exactly.
No, I--
I think you've got this covered.
Uh, w-wait. Grace?
Hey. Morning. Did you hear
those crows? They were all like...
That's not right. No, it was more like...
Damn it.
What are you doing? Being weird?
It's soothing.
I needed something to do
before I see Phil.
I was gonna clean your hairbrush,
but I thought it would take too long.
-You guys having breakfast?
-Lunch.
Well, you look fantastic.
Even if there's Mumbai-scale traffic,
you've still got three hours
to get there.
What if I'm not the person
he thought I was?
You know,
what if we finally start this
and he finds he doesn't like
who I actually am?
But he does like who you actually are.
Well, he doesn't really know
who I am anymore.
You may not know this, Frankie,
but I'm a flawed person.
I do know that.
You know who else knows it?
My daughters, my grandkids, my friends,
every customer service representative
I ever interacted with.
Aren't you jumping to the end
of the story a little too soon?
I spent 40 years with a man
who didn't love me.
Maybe I'm the problem.
You know, maybe I'm unlovable.
-You're not unlovable.
-Are you sure?
Now you're fishing.
Guess what? You caught one.
I love you. You happy?
-What do I do?
-This is what you do.
You stand up.
You put your damn purse
on your arm the way you like it.
And then you do exactly
what you told me to do with Jacob.
What did I tell you to do with Jacob?
"Don't be an idiot."
-That does sound like me.
-Oh.
Ma'am? Are you sure
I can't get you anything?
No, thank you, Gretchen. I'm fine.
It's just, you've been here a half hour.
Please walk away.
See, it has to look like I just got here.
Off you go. Go.
Is somebody watching us?
If you're in some kind of trouble,
take your spoon and slide it
to the other side of the table.
Look... I got here very early for a date
because I was nervous
and now I don't want
to look desperate or insane.
So please do me a kindness and leave.
Phil.
Phil.
Oh, good Lord.
Phil!
I thought I heard my name
a bunch of times.
-You look lovely.
-Thank you. So do you.
Well, I don't mean lovely.
You know what I mean.
Wow.
Actually, I think that's my water.
I'm... I'm sorry.
It's OK.
Tell you what, we'll just switch.
Where is that waitress?
I keep trying to get her attention.
Um... Oh, there you are.
-Hello, sir. Ma'am.
-Hello.
Welcome to The Anchor.
I'm Gretchen and I will be your server.
Can I get you something to drink?
Let me take a crack at it,
for old time's sake.
Oh, OK. Crack away.
She'll have a vodka martini.
Straight up. Very dry.
Two olives.
And he'll have a rye Manhattan
served up in a rocks glass,
with an orange peel instead of a cherry.
Be right back.
You're doing great.
And when you look at my chart,
not actually my zodiac chart,
but the moon chart
from the year I was born,
and compare that to your chart,
you'll see it was literally written
in the stars for us to have this fight--
Of course, if you did look
at my zodiac chart,
you'd see that I'm cosmically doomed--
I guess I'm saying that it was so hard
for us to get to where we were.
Are we really going to let one--
I believe it was a young Mickey Rourke
who once said--
Actually, "hakuna matata" literally means
"there is no problem here" in Swahili.
I interpret that to mean
"there's no problem that's unsolvable"--
Message skipped.
To delete this message, press one.
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to this message, press two.
I'm sorry for the long,
meandering messages.
The truth is, this was all
way too many words just to say...
I miss you like crazy.
My heart hurts not being with you.
You're my person.
I need you.
It's Sol. Sol Bergstein.
Frankie, we have a little saying
here at Good Stuff when we like a product.
-"This is Good Stuff."
-This is good--
-Dan, I was gonna say it.
-Sorry, Ger. Jumped the gun.
Well, gentlemen, it sounds like our lube
is going to be in your stores.
Yeah. And we could not be more thrilled.
I've got to say,
I'm excited to be involved
with such an eco-friendly company.
Well, we really pride ourselves on that.
You should. You are one of the
first companies to ban all those foods
which contain
genetically-modified ingredients.
Oh, you've done your research.
Thank you, Dan. That means so much
coming from a fellow hermano del mundo.
OK. I like you. Huh?
I like you, too. And I'm sure something
like palm oil must really upset you.
Oh, well, of course it upsets me,
but we have to--
You know what, let's just stay focused,
because I know that Stephen and Erica
had some shelf schematics
-they wanted to pitch you guys.
-Yeah, we call them "shelf stories."
Oh, we agreed "no" to "shelf stories."
Yes, and then we agreed
to let me try it.
Would anyone like
some Say Grace hand lotion?
It's so good.
It moisturizes as it protects.
Let's just let Stephen and Erica
do their thing.
Sorry, I'll put it on quietly.
Gerald, if you could just refer
to page five in your packet.
I got nothing here.
Stacey, did I get a packet?
Right. From Say Grace. No?
That's on you.
Ah, I'm so dry. Let's get it all over.
Frankie? What the hell?
-Oh, my God.
-Is that real blood?
Sure is.
It's from the orangutans we kill
so that we can put palm oil
in all our products.
You know, apparently here at Say Grace
we think that's "good stuff."
Oh, I've got so much extra.
Here you go, Dan.
-Oh, no. No! No!
-Dan, it's ketchup.
It's a goof.
It's gonna be funny. Soon.
Dan, I'm in the dark here.
What's going on?
-Uh, meeting's gone south, Ger.
-I'll go grab some towels.
-Gerry, I'm so sorry.
-No, no, we're gonna change it!
We don't have to have
blood on our hands.
This is a $3,000 suit.
Please take Dan across the street
to get him a sweatshirt
-and to get his suit cleaned.
-Yeah.
Uh, so wait,
just like any sweatshirt, or...
Do you remember that talk we had
about being more of a self-starter?
Today's the day, Stephen.
I don't want a sweatshirt.
Dan, let's go.
Good to meet you, Dan!
-What the fuck?
-I'm effecting change, baby.
And let's be clear,
there is no way in hell that
that is a $3,000 suit.
This is not how you effect change.
This is how you destroy
a business relationship
I've spent years building.
Did you honestly think
you could come in here
with your bloody performance art
and it would work?
Absolutely, yes. That's why I did it.
And I thought Adam would be here
so he could film it.
-Is he sick?
-No, don't sit down!
God damn it, Frankie.
I mean, I only included you
in this process as a favor
because you asked
to be taken seriously.
But in order to be taken seriously,
you have to be serious.
I am very serious.
Well, I'd invite you
to take a look at your hands
and reevaluate that statement.
I'm not gonna stand by
and have my lube--
No, my lube. You signed a contract.
And you've made it perfectly clear
that you don't respect that,
or me, or the business
that my mother built.
And so now I'm telling you
I have received the message.
-Thank you.
-And you're out.
What do you mean out?
I mean out the door,
out of luck, out to lunch.
Just as long as it's out.
Go home, Frankie. And if you haven't
already ruined everything,
maybe you'll get a check
a few times a year.
Out.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
What was your friend's name
we ran into that one time?
Her name was Joan
and she was made of cigarettes.
I thought she'd caught us.
We were holding hands.
Thank God she died
before she spilled the beans.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Kidding. She just moved
to Fort Lauderdale.
She did die, though.
To Joan.
You know why I picked this place?
Yes. Of course.
That was a special night.
Yes, it was.
It was lucky I ran into you.
Well, I may have known this was
your regular Friday night spot,
and I may have come here
intending to run into you.
Well, I maybe made up excuses
to see you, too.
Remember when I hired you
to put in the skylight?
-Yeah.
-I hate skylights.
What?
What is it?
What are you doing here?
I needed to get some things.
You nearly gave me
a second heart attack.
I'm sorry,
I didn't think you'd be home.
I took the day off, if you must know.
Which you mustn't.
You should have told me you were coming
so I could have told you not to.
You shouldn't be here.
What were you gonna do with that?
Bludgeon.
I thought it was a break-in.
I did tell you I was coming.
Didn't you get my messages?
Yes, Sol. I did.
All 18,000 of them.
But since the answering machine
is in the kitchen
and I did have to go to bed
at some point,
I could not listen to all of them.
I'm sorry. You have everything I own.
Except my rain sticks,
which were in my car.
There were actually some extra
rain sticks at the beach house.
Are you deliberately
trying to antagonize me?
No.
No.
I'll be out of your hair
in five minutes.
I just need to get a few--
Whoa.
Yeah. Sorry.
What can I do to help us
get through this?
Tell me what it's going to take,
and I'll do it.
Anything. Name it.
I'm not sure
there's anything you can do.
Are you telling me
you can't get past this?
I don't know.
Do you want to get past it?
I don't know.
What?
-I have to tell you something.
-OK.
-But you need to let me explain.
-OK.
I'm still married to Elaine.
Oh.
This is where
you need to let me explain.
Oh, God, I can't believe
I got it so wrong.
-Grace, just let me--
-No. I have to go.
-Grace!
-Sir, you need to pay your bill.
I haven't brought it yet,
but I was going to.
I will pay my bill. I just need to--
Fuck.
Hey.
Hey.
How was Phil?
I don't want to talk about it.
I don't want to talk about my day,
either.
Well, I think the person
with blood all over their arms
is gonna have to say something.
Brianna fired me.
From my own lube.
-I'm out.
-What happened?
Art happened.
-Oh, dear.
-Performance art.
All over her office and this guy, Dan.
I'm not sure it was the best way
to get what I wanted.
Mostly because I didn't get what I wanted.
You know, the lube was one of
the coolest things I've ever created.
Oh... and I fucked it all up.
Frankie, in business,
when you want to change people's minds,
you have to do it
the way businesspeople do it.
You think I should have worn a suit?
No, you... you do some research,
you commission a study, talk to experts.
And mostly, you show them
how it can make them money.
Jesus, you're good at this.
Well, I used to be.
Oh, there's my order from China Bucket.
Uh, Grace?
You didn't let me finish.
He's way more handsome up close.
Thanks for letting me in.
Well, you got about five minutes
before Jeopardy comes on
and Frankie starts yelling
wrong answers to the screen.
My situation is... complicated.
So enlighten me.
After that night
we were supposed to meet in the hotel,
I told Elaine everything.
Even though I knew
it was over for you and me.
We decided to get divorced.
I even got an apartment.
Then she got sick.
And I just couldn't leave her.
Elaine has Alzheimer's.
Advanced now.
God, Phil. I'm s--
So, yes... I am married.
But the Elaine I knew is gone.
She hasn't been that Elaine
for a very long time.
I'm so sorry.
I can't imagine.
Why didn't you tell me this before?
I don't know. Really.
That day you came to my house,
seeing you...
I just wanted everything
to be like it was again.
Even if it was just for a drink.
I thought that would be enough.
It's not.
So...
what now?
That's up to you.
What is Machu Picchu?
Oh, shit!