Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 6, Episode 8 - It's Really Complicated - full transcript

Gossip Girl here...

Your one and only source

into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

I made a deal to sell
some oil from the Sudan.

There was an embargo in
place, which made it illegal.

Was anyone hurt?

No.

(Chuck) She said Bart
walked in with an envelope.

And he's not about to show
you what's in the envelope.

He won't, but someone
else might... Bruce Caplan.

The Bass business manager?



I'm not gonna let you
threaten our family ever again.

Don't!

You are indebted to me,
and I'm here to collect.

Chuck, it was all my fault. He cornered me.

My father?

Are you sure that I'm the
one person you wanna be with?

You have always been the one.

Humphrey, where the hell have you been?

I'm writing the Serena chapter.

Well, even if we can't
put Bart behind bars,

we'll still be together.

We made a pact.

We can't be together.

And who am I?



That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.

6x08
It's Really Complicated...

(Gossip Girl) Gobble, gobble,
Upper East Siders.

That's right. It's Thanksgiving again.

And I hope you all brought your appetites,

because today's the one day a year

you're supposed to count your blessings...

(Gasps) I love the parade.

And not your calories.

(Cell phone rings)

Man: ♪ I miss my past for you, for you ♪

♪ what's the difference if
it's all for you, for you ♪

♪ if I'm just throwing
away myself for you ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

(Monkey whimpers)

I don't care whether you're
sick to your stomach...

(Barking)

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

or simply on a liquid diet.

♪ I've been up, I've been down ♪

♪ I've been everywhere around

♪ for you

♪ I've been up

This turkey day,

I'm going to make sure
everyone eats their hearts out.

♪

Dorota, did you remember my
noise-canceling headphones

and my Bottega eye mask?

Flying alone on the holidays
is like Chatroulette.

So why go to Paris?

We both know today is
most favorite day of year.

Ah, yes, it is true.

Thanksgiving does hold a
special place in my heart...

and stomach... but I guess this year

a pumpkin macaroon will just have to do.

But every Thanksgiving, you
try to visit Miss Eleanor.

And this year, I'm
actually going to make it.

Besides, we both know
that if I stay in town,

I'll just be meddling in
other people's affairs,

and I promised myself I
would not do that this year.

Still no word from Mr.
Chuck since Pop-Up show?

No, and I'm not going to call him either.

Chuck only goes darker when I push him,

so I'm gonna give him all
the time and space he needs.

He'll snap out of his funk eventually.

And you okay leaving Miss
Serena alone with Mr. Lonely Boy?

Well, I don't want her back with
that backstabbing brooklynite,

but now that we're best friends again,

I have to just hold my tongue

and let this ridiculous
relationship run its course.

Like stomach flu.

Yes, and until then,

I will just play the supportive friend,

which we both know

I'm much better at from the
other side of the Atlantic.

Now vite, vite.

Sweet potato casserole with
marshmallows and pecans! Yum!

How that's a side dish and not
a dessert, I will never know.

Serena, you have to see this
new hotel in Turks and Caicos.

Bart and I are gonna practically
be sleeping on the beach tonight.

You're not gonna be here for Thanksgiving?

Well, after everything we went
through with Charles' vendetta,

Bart thought we could use a
little R&R on Malcolm Beach.

Oh! (Kisses)

Now I just need to find out

where Laryssa stored my
Missonis for the winter.

Try Eric's closet.

Mm.

You know, this might
actually be a good thing.

It'll just be the two of us.

Or maybe we can invite everyone?

We can invite Rufus,

and since Bart's not
here, we can invite Chuck

and then Nate and then Blair.

I don't know.

I mean, it's our first
Thanksgiving back together,

and... and given our track
record with Thanksgivings,

it might be kinda risky.

Divorces have been filed, affairs revealed.

Yes, but that was our parents, not us.

Come on. They're not even gonna be here.

Okay. I mean, if it's what
you really want, I'm in.

Thank you.

All right, so I'll go invite my dad

and grab the world-famous
Humphrey stuffing recipe.

Okay, well, I'll stop by Blair's,

and then I'll go to the market

and try to upgrade for a bigger bird.

Okay. Back here in a couple hours?

Perfect.

Where's Monkey?

I found his crying at my door comforting.

I had Ivan from housekeeping
take him for a walk.

Why? Because you were too busy

reading up on new ways to
betray your best friend?

Chuck, you know how sorry I am.

Bart's threatening to send me to prison

for cooking "The Spectator's" books.

And I don't want to hurt you again,

so I've been going over
these documents, just...

trying to figure a way
out of this whole mess.

Good luck with that.

Bart Bass is a grand
master of manipulation.

He has ruined me.

You'll be child's play.

My advice is to lie back
and think of england.

Yeah, thanks for the help.

If I could defeat my father,

do you think I'd be here drinking alone,

unable to be with the woman I love?

Maybe you should do some research

into finding yourself
a hot tub time machine

so you can go back and undo
your creative accounting.

(Dorota sighs)

(Elevator bell dings, door opens)

Serena.

I'm so glad you're still here.

So my Thanksgiving plans changed.

Ohh. Let me guess.

Humphrey left you high and
dry. Well, not to worry.

I still have a free first
class companion ticket to Paris

for anyone other than Dorota.

Hmm.

What? It is not my fault

that Vanya took the kids to Minsk.

No, Dan and I are great.

Actually, we decided to
host Thanksgiving together,

and I need you there.

Miss Blair, Miss Eleanor is expecting you.

You made promise to her and to self.

Please, Blair,

we really wanna spend
Thanksgiving with you,

and I'm not gonna take no for answer.

Okay. If that's what you really want,

then I, as your friend,

will be there to make sure
things run the way they should.

Yay!

Okay, well, I already texted Nate.

Can you let Chuck know for me?

Miss Blair giving Mr. Chuck space.

Well, now that Paris is
canceled, everything is changed.

Amazing.

Okay, I'm gonna go to Pellegrini's,

and I'll see you soon.

(Elevator bell dings, door opens)

What happened to no meddling this year?!

Did you hear her?

She is getting domestic
with that wool-haired whiner.

Four major holidays
stand between Thanksgiving

and Serena being a June bride.

Measures must be taken... drastic measures.

(Cell phone beeps)

(Cell phone rings)

Good to see you.

(Ring, beep)

(Sighs) What do you want, Blair?

Oh, nothing. Just to
help those less fortunate,

like I do everything Thanksgiving.

Unless, of course, you're
no longer interested in Nate.

I am, but I'm not moronic enough

to trust you to help me get him.

Aw, that's too bad

because I think Serena
and Dan's Thanksgiving

would be the perfect
opportunity for you to reconnect.

(Scoffs) Serena would never invite me.

She's not exactly thankful
I screened her sex tape

for all of New York society.

Well, you make a point,

but Nate will never forgive
you unless you undo the damage

between S. and your father.

Except that I don't want them together.

Well, you said yourself

that he's miserable without her.

And besides, she's Serena Van Der Woodsen.

He's a man.

He's probably gonna go back to her anyway.

So this just at least gives you the chance

to date Nate Archibald.

Fine.

Tell me what to do.

Further instructions will come
forth from my avatar... Dorota.

Shoo. Go.

That's good. Go ahead.

Georgina.

How's Philip?

Quit the small talk,
Humphrey. Give me the pages.

Oh, that's gonna be tough
since I already messengered

the only hard copy to
Graydon's assistant at home.

What?

No one wants to read your vomit draft.

Why didn't you let me
give you my notes first?

Because you're not my editor.

I am your everything.

Don't you think I know
exactly what's going on here?

You started this chapter over
the summer, skewering Serena,

and then you moved in with her

and you decided to write
a sniveling Valentine

in hopes she would fall
madly in love with you.

From the beginning, my goal with
this book was to tell the truth,

and I haven't strayed from that.
So I'm sorry if you're upset,

but you're just gonna have to wait

for the chapter to go online tonight.

Philip, get me the home address
of Graydon Carter's assistant.

(Cell phone rings)

Hey. I was just thinking about you.

You were? Well, I'm still grocery shopping.

I think I may have overdone it a little.

Who doesn't love leftovers?

I'm guessing that means everybody's in.

Yeah, they are.

(Crash)

Oh, my God! Serena!

Hey! Um, let me call you back.

Serena. Hi.

Hi.

Seeing you is the first thing
I've been thankful for in weeks.

I owe you an apology.

Chuck. Chuck, wake up.

Seriously, Chuck, wake up.

Bruce Caplan is dead.

The guy was a two-bit crook. Who cares?

You should. I just got off
the phone with his secretary.

Apparently, Bruce died only a
few days after our last meeting.

He fell off the Bass Enterprises yacht.

Is there a point to this sob story?

Your father probably
figured out that it was Bruce

who tipped us off to the
microfilm in the painting.

Do you honestly think that Bart
had nothing to do with his death?

(Growls)

(Sighs) Even if he did,

I promise you he covered his tracks

or destroyed the evidence
or had Lily do it for him.

Now get out of my room.

(Scoffs)

Seems like Bass is basking in his misery.

Looks like I'm not the only one

who goes into hiding on Thanksgiving.

Ahem.

Um... step aside.

Are you deaf? I said move it, Buster!

I'm sorry, Ms. Waldorf,

but Mr. Bass gave us specific instructions.

You're no longer welcome at The Empire.

And this year's best dish

is going to be served by yours truly.

So how's life been treating you
since I treated you so badly?

Better than I thought,
honestly. What about you?

Um, I'm good. I just got back from Uganda.

We're supplying vitamins to all
the hospitals there and, um...

He's been terrible.

Okay. That's embarrassing,
but maybe a... a little true.

I'm sorry. We all know I have
a knack for humiliating people.

(Exhales) Uh, excuse me. Van Der Woodsen.

Spence.

I'm... I'm really sorry
about Cotillion, too.

I kind of freaked out when
I thought my dad loved you

more than he loved me, but I
realize now he loved us both.

(Chuckles nervously)

And this just keeps getting
more uncomfortable by the minute.

Yeah, I think that night
was weird for all of us,

but I'm glad that we have the holidays

to have a fresh start. (Chuckles)

Ah.

Thank you.

Wow. Looks like you got the last one.

Thanks.

Wow. Are we really so pathetic

that we're having a
chicken on Thanksgiving?

We were supposed to be in Amsterdam,

but someone didn't finish
her college applications.

I know, but doesn't that look so delicious?

It's a raw turkey. It
looks disgusting, actually.

Um, but you know what?

Nobody should spend Thanksgiving
eating chicken alone.

So... so why don't you
two join us for dinner?

I mean, I... I think we
can spare some turkey.

And... and the Van Der
Woodsens do have a long history

of inviting bump-ins. (Chuckles)

What the hell took you so long?

And good morning to you, too, Blair.

Chuck banned me from The Empire?

I mean, he's banished me before,

but that was when we were on a sex fast.

What do you want me to
say? Chuck has hit bottom.

All he does now is drink in
bed and argue with Monkey.

Well, I had no idea it was that bad.

Yeah, it's bad. He's even
giving up on defeating Bart.

Well, that can't happen.
We can't let Bart win.

We have to reinspire him.

What do you think I've been trying to do?

Chuck didn't even care when I told him

that Bruce Caplan mysteriously drowned.

His dentist?

No, that's Brad Caplan.

Bruce is the Bass business manager

who apparently fell off Bart's yacht.

It's not a coincidence that
one of the only people who knew

about Bart's illegal oil
trading died in a freak accident.

Especially since Sheikh Hassan,
the man who sold Bart the oil,

died in an accident, too.

I mean, maybe if we can connect the two,

we can take that to the authorities.

Or at least get Lily to
see who Bart really is.

I have an idea.

Al I need is a wampum
pouch, a push-up bra,

and all of Bart's computer passwords.

Dan! Happy Thanksgiving.

You, too.

Dusting off the old 6-string. I like it.

(Chuckles) Hey.

As a matter of fact, I'm on my way out

to a benefit concert Lisa's
throwing at the Bandshell.

You should come with. It's
a hormone-free potluck.

That sounds tempting,

but I'm here to invite
you to a Lily-free dinner

that Serena and I are hosting
at the Van Der Woodsens'.

Jenny told me you two were back
together last time we skyped.

You can say it. I know.
I know you disapprove.

I guess I'm just surprised
you haven't learned by now.

Uh, learned... learned what?

That we Humphrey men
don't stand a real chance

when it comes to Van Der Woodsen women.

(Sighs) Is this the
speech where you tell me

that we're from different worlds?

Because, you know, I...
I did... I wrote the book.

Two, actually.

Women like Lily and Serena

are never gonna respect guys like us.

All the love songs I wrote
Lily made no difference.

Poetry isn't what she wants.

No matter how much we love Lily and Serena,

they're always gonna
choose guys like Bart Bass.

So maybe the trick is to become Bart Bass.

Yeah, but neither of us could ever do that.

And that's a good thing.

Bart's cold and calculating.

A reptile.

Yeah, well, that snake is
spending Thanksgiving with Lily,

and you're not.

I should go.

(Door closes)

Daphne, right?

Graydon's assistant at "Vanity Fair"?

Georgina Sparks. We've spoken
on the phone ad nauseam.

I just got off the phone with Dan Humphrey.

I'm done working on Thanksgiving.

Daphne,

I, of all people, understand the challenge

facing a young mother in the big city.

I, too, have a little rug rat,

and it is a constant struggle
to balance family and career.

So, please, mother to mother,

I need to see a copy
of Dan's Serena chapter.

You know that I'm not
allowed to give out copies

of writer's submissions.

Now if you don't mind...

Oh. But I do... mind.

Why don't you make it

easy on yourself and
your little bed-wetter

and just give me a sneak peek?

No. Ask Dan if you wanna
read his Serena chapters.

Chapters? There's more than one?

I thought we were done, but
he just sent me something else.

Did somebody order a Thanksgiving spread?

You just cost my dim-witted
doorman his holiday bonus.

Ohh. Don't blame him. I said
you called for a stripper,

and obviously I'm a convincing one.

I've come to kidnap you

and bring you to Serena
and Dan's Thanksgiving.

I'm not going anywhere,

but you are, unless you
want me to call security.

Don't be a Grumpy Gus.

Bart and Lily won't be there.

Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.

What part of our last conversation

did you not understand?

As long as I can't defeat my father,

we can never be together.

(Scoffs) Well...

just because we can't
live happily ever after

doesn't mean that we can't have
a little fun once in a while.

We made a pact.

Need I remind you what that means?

But it's too long since Monaco.

Pocahontas needs her John Smith.

I always thought of myself

as more of a John Rolfe kind of man.

That's my Chuck. You can play both...

after dinner.

And you're sure Lily and Bart are gone?

They are, and now...

(Inhales deeply) so is my appetite.

When was the last time you showered?

Only if you join me.

Mnh-mnh.

Lily: Something smells divine.

Oh, that would be Dorota's candied yams.

Uh... (Chuckles)

aren't you two supposed
to be on a white sand beach

where no one pays capital gains tax?

Tropical storm. Our flight was delayed.

So it looks like we'll be
staying for dinner after all,

if we're not imposing.

Uh, no. No, not at all. I
mean, we have plenty of food.

We'll just...

we're gonna need to change
up the seating arrangements.

Mom, you're here.

Well, we got rained out.

Darling, you went grocery
shopping. I'm so proud.

Looks like we're gonna
need to set two more places.

Um, actually, make that four.

Look who I ran into at the grocery store.

(Chuckles)

(Whispers) Blair's plan worked perfectly.

Eh. Oh. How are you?

(Cell phone rings)

Hello.

Sage: Hi. How are you? (Chuckles)

Bart: Hi.
Sage: Nice to meet you, too.

Steven: Pleased to meet you.

(Steven speaks indistinctly)

(Slaps)

(Mouth full) Mmm. Yum.

Why are you mad? I didn't
decide to close the airport.

Lily and Bart are the least of my concerns.

Oh, you're mad that I
invited Steven to dinner?

No, no, I'm thrilled

that you invited your ex
to our Thanksgiving dinner.

I was hoping maybe Ben or Colin
or Carter could stop by later

for apple crostata.

Oh, come on, Dan.

I only invited them because
they had nowhere else to go.

What would you have done?

Called you, given you a heads-up.

In an equal partnership, you're supposed to

take the other person's
feelings into consideration.

I'm sorry. But it just...
it happened so quickly.

And honestly, I didn't think you'd care.

That you invited the guy

you were ready to get
engaged to at Cotillion?

Why are you being so insecure?

(Elevator bell dings)

Man: May I take your coats?

Look... I'm fine that your ex is here.

'Cause you invited her.

But we're together now.

I think your stuffing's burning.

I'm so glad you two could make it.

Yeah, everything looks wonderful.

Doesn't everything look wonderful?

The bar certainly does.

He'll perk up. He's just dehydrated.

And is that your old beau
looking more handsome than ever?

It's so generous of you and Dan

to invite him to your Thanksgiving.

I'm not sure Dan feels the same way.

What are they...

Tropical storm.

Hopefully Chuck can hold his
tongue until after the pie?

Have you seen Nate?

No, not yet.

Charles?

Lily. What are you doing here?

I live here, and I'm hoping
that your presence today

means that you're going
to apologize to your father

and put this feud behind you.

The problem with putting Bart behind me

is that then he can stab me in the back.

Who invited him?

Well, it is Thanksgiving.

Let's try to have a nice meal together.

I think now Charles has
no evidence against you,

so he can't hurt you anymore.

I'd like to make sure of that.

Hey.

I know I'm the last person
you expected to see today,

but my dad and I ran into
Serena at the grocery store.

And she couldn't help

but adopt a couple of
strays for Thanksgiving.

Pretty much.

So can we talk?

Don't worry. I'm not
pregnant. I just miss you.

Sage, look, now isn't...

Nathaniel.

You know what?

On second thought, right
now is a great time.

We'll go upstairs.

Dan, right? Steven.

I hope there's more than one
place card for "Serena's ex""

(sighs) Uh, y... you know what?

I'm actually not Serena's ex anymore.

You're kidding?

No, no, no.

This is... this is our
Thanksgiving dinner together.

(Laughs)

Well, enjoy it, because I have
a feeling it'll be your last.

What?

Do you need me to spell it out for you?

The sex tape blew up, I broke up with her,

and then she ran to you because
she's terrified to be alone.

(Sighs) Y... you don't
know anything about Serena.

Or I... I'm sorry. Do you
still think her name is Sabrina?

(Laughs)

I know that she needs
someone to take care of her,

and I know you can't.

Oh, yeah, but you and
your omega-3 empire can?

Well, I did all summer,
and we were great together.

I think we still could be.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Masterful work, Dorota.

If things continue to
progress at this rate,

Humphrey will be gone by tomorrow.

♪

Chuck, where are you going?

If you think tricking me
into making up with my father

is going to allow us to be
together, you're mistaken.

I have to defeat him.

Bruce Caplan and the Sheikh are both dead.

That... that can't be a
coincidence. I have a plan.

How many times do I have to tell you

Bart is not stupid enough
to leave any evidence?

We don't need a smoking gun.

We just need a single thread
to tie the two deaths together.

Bruce Caplan was on your father's yacht.

And... and maybe the Sheikh
was on his way to see Bart.

Or maybe Bart had sent the car.

Well, that kind of information
could be hiding in the open.

A leasing agreement, a logbook.

But the... the FBI aren't gonna
take a circumstantial theory.

The only person we need to
convince that Bart is a murderer

is Lily.

And Lily's been by his side at every turn.

Lily could care less about an
oil embargo or a faked death.

But a real one? Or two?

If only we could get onto
the Bass Industries server...

but we need a password.

Mm. And if only I had
texted your Uncle Jack

to do a little bribing and
blackmailing to get them.

And if only Nate was upstairs
right now, trying them all.

You're amazing.

I know. Now go see if he's found anything.

(Bell dings)

Hey, Dominick Dummy.

Georgina.

No Van Der Woodsen family holiday

would be complete without you.

Hmm. Keep your flattery in your pants.

I know you sent in two Serena
chapters to "Vanity Fair."

I did. They're both the truth,

and I'm still not showing you either.

I don't need to read them.

Obviously one is the stupid Serena serenade

that you've been composing
since ninth grade,

and the other is the piercing expose

that you started to write over the summer.

Don't be an idiot.

Do you wanna win, or do
you just wanna win Serena?

(Sighs)

Serena? Dinner's ready.

There is no winning without Serena.

(Clinks glass)

Dinner's ready.

Daphne, it's Dan. Hi.

Uh, yeah, I've decided which
chapter I wanna publish.

Oh, Dorota, this looks amazing.

I may need to have a second plate!

Oh! And the toasted almonds
are such a lovely surprise.

Speaking of surprises,

I was so sorry to hear
about Bruce Caplan's passing.

Uh, w... I had no idea.

What happened? He was so young.

Drowning.

He was sailing on the Bass
yacht and just fell overboard

in broad daylight.

You'd think someone would've
jumped in to save him.

My God.

How tragic for his family.

And for Bruce.

It's odd that Bart never mentioned it.

You know, I... I wanted to
thank you again for inviting us.

It... it means a lot to Sage and to me.

Yeah, of course. I... I'm
sorry. I feel terrible though.

Up you have enough to eat.
I forgot you're gluten-free.

I'll be fine.

You know, I... I... I'm
more concerned about you.

Why? I eat everything. (Chuckles)

(Chuckles) No, I... I'm talking about

you getting back together with Dan.

You know, I... I know I hurt you, but...

I mean, this kinda represents

everything you said you
were trying to escape from.

I mean, he wrote all
those horrible articles

about you and your friends.

Yeah, but he didn't write one about me.

I know that Dan has made
his mistakes, but so have I.

Me, too.

The biggest being pushing you away.

I'm still in love with you, Serena.

We deserve another chance.

I'm sorry, but I'm in love with Dan.

You're not.

He's your rebound from me.

No, you were my rebound from him.

I left the city

because I thought he
wanted to be with Blair.

But Dan is my first love.

He'll always be.

You know, maybe I got it
right at cotillion after all.

Steven...

(Computer beeping)

Nate, I came up here to make out,

not to watch you and Chuck play Wikileaks.

Uh-huh.

This isn't gonna work. It has
to be at least nine characters.

Try this.

(Typing)

(Beep)

(Whirs)

There's nothing confidential here.

It's all just general files.

Doesn't matter.

Just look for travel and living expenses,

leasing agreements, anything overseas.

Hey, just give us a second.

Give me 30, and I'll leave you alone.

Amuse the young lady,
Nathaniel. I've got this.

Okay, I'm sorry.

Go.

Admit you missed me.

(Mouse clicking)

It's okay. I don't care if you watch.

She's a keeper, Nate.

And, yes, I can attest to
the fact that he missed you,

everything has really fallen apart for him

since you two broke up.

Yeah, so I should probably help Chuck.

I did something that
I'm not too proud of...

Wait. I think I've got something.

Well...

it isn't line-caught blue marlin,

but it doesn't look half-bad.

Lily?

I just heard about Bruce Caplan.

Yes. Tragic news.

Who told you?

Speaking of Bruce, I heard
he drowned like a rock.

Or at least had them tied to his ankles.

Charles, show some respect.

Yeah, maybe we should take
a moment to remember Bruce,

who died falling off your yacht.

And Sheikh Hassan,

whose Bass Industries-provided
car burst into flames.

I hate it when that happens.

Bart, is that true?

I have no idea what kind
of car he was driving.

Oh, I think Chuck could shed
some light on that. Right?

Mm.

Ahem.

(Paper rustles)

Bentley W12,

provided by Bass Enterprises.

The leasing agreement, hot off the press.

So what if we provided the Sheikh's cars?

We're certainly not responsible

for every mechanical malfunction.

So it's just a coincidence

that the two men who
could've sent you to prison

happen to die in transportation
you so generously provided them?

If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna freshen up.

(Lowered voice) If you
done th problem number one,

problem number two needs meddling.

Have you noticed Mr. Steven has left?

I'll be right back.

Hey, thank you again for postponing Paris.

Did I see Steven leave?

Yes. Do you know that he tried
to get back together with me?

Oh. Well, you must be in seventh heaven.

Deciding to take the
evening apart to consider it?

B., you know that Dan's the one.

(Sighs deeply)

I've been holding my tongue

because we're finally friends again.

And, uh, the only thing I care about

is that you are happy and in love.

But Dan Humphrey is not the one.

I don't want to lose our
friendship again either,

so I'd appreciate it if
you didn't say any more.

He is a self-promoting hipster weasel

who's thrown every one of
his friends under the bus,

and I'm not going to sit by

and wait for him to do it to you, too.

I know in your twisted but loving way

you're trying to be protective.

But you're wrong about Dan.

So please just accept him,

and this'll be the best Thanksgiving ever.

Lily, please.

This is just another one of Chuck's games.

When I asked you about the oil deal,

you promised me that no one got hurt.

And no one did.

At least not by me.

So Bruce and the Sheikh's death
were just pure coincidence?

Yes.

Are you questioning me?

Maybe I should start.

All I did was protect you.

By lying to me.

I never lied to you.

I told you, no one got hurt.

You're hurting me right now.

Chuck is just getting to you,

and he won't stop until I make him.

(Clinks glass)

I just wanna thank you all for joining us

for our first Thanksgiving
together as a couple.

Even Georgina, who I
didn't actually invite.

But... welcome.

So to many more years

of... of love, happiness, and good friends.

(All) Cheers.

(Cell phone alert chimes)

Um...

well...

(Clears throat)

I, too, have something
to be grateful for...

freedom of the press.

If you'll all take a look at your phones,

you will soon realize that
my protege Daniel Humphrey

has just released the latest
installment of his serial...

a chapter on our very own Serena.

(Lowered voice) The right
chapter, thank you very much.

What's she talking about?

"Serena Van Der Woodsen...
golden girl falls from grace."

"A faux love story."

"Serena is nothing. She's a golden shell.

Give her love, and she'll
do anything you want."

Serena, I know you're upset.

"With daddy issues like these,

it's not hard to push the right buttons.

And once you do,

the most powerful girl
on the Upper East Side

has no power at all."

I understand if you would've
written this in the spring.

You were so mad at me then.

But why would you write this now?

Why... why not write it now?

It's no less true than it was then.

Okay, I'm sorry. I must be confused.

I mean, has everything that's
happened since Cotillion

been a lie?

The... the Vespa? The bar?

Did... did you ask someone
to stop the elevator?

(Sighs deeply)

Vanya.

I told him I was trying to win you back.

(Scoffs)

But everything I've said about how I feel

is the truth.

No, that's... that's not possible.

That doesn't make sense.

You couldn't say these things
about me if you loved me.

I invited you into my
home, Dan, and my world,

and... and then you just humiliate me.

That is the issue.

It's "my world".

Oh, come on. It's a figure of speech.

No, it has always been your world,

and you've never let me forget it.

I've always been a visitor...
the poor kid from Brooklyn

who you've never seen as an equal to you.

Okay, so this is your payback?

Do you feel better about
riding the subway to school

since you made a fool of me and everyone?

What I did is no worse

than what all your friends
do to each other every day.

You try to ruin each other,

and then you sit down for Thanksgiving

and you... (Scoffs) call yourselves family.

You were supposed to be different.

I used to be. Got me nowhere.

So now I'm the same.

Good-bye, Dan.

[ ♪ Silent Machine
by Cat Power playing ]

Are you okay?

I don't know.

But you can gloat. You were right.

For the first time ever, I'm sorry I was.

Well, 90% sorry.

10% of me is glad I was right.

Thanksgiving is ruined once again.

Are you kidding?

What is Thanksgiving
without a side of drama?

And pie.

Apple or pumpkin?

Both.

♪ Every night

♪ walk through people who walk too close ♪

Lily.

Um...

I'm fine. I, um, I just
need some fresh air.

Maybe you should sit down. I
can get you a glass of water.

Oh, Charles, I forgot how sweet you are.

The only thing that matters is
that you finally know the truth.

I do, and I'm sorry.

(Footsteps descend)

What on earth do you have to be sorry for?

For believing all of your lies.

No. Actually, I was... (Sighs)

just going to tell Charles how sorry I am

for trying to force a reconciliation

between the two of you.

I know that will never happen, and...

I should have accepted it sooner.

♪ The child, he is a sinner

Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, Lily.

♪ You put on your light
and then turn around ♪

I promise it'll get better.

Nate and I survived both our chapters.

(Lowered voice) It didn't work.

(Sighs)

♪ Turn around

Hey, Dan, before you go...

♪ You lie, you lie, you lie

♪ turn around

That was from all of us.

♪ Turn around

♪ turn around

♪ turn around

♪ you turn around, you turn around ♪

Daniel.

I just wanted to say

I was impressed with your
latest literary offering.

You've restored my
faith in your generation.

If you ever need anything, give a call.

(Bell dings)

♪

(Sighs deeply) Do not
leave me alone with them.

The last time I attended a shunning,

I froze my zhopa off in Siberia.

Oh, it can get just as cold around here.

(Sighs) You think they hate me?

They fear you. Welcome
to the Upper East Side.

Mind if I join you?

Not at all.

It's been a trying night.

I was thinking about taking
a few days at Miraval,

if you don't mind.

Sounds like a perfect idea.

(Cell phone vibrating)

(Sighs)

Hey. What's wrong?

Who called?

Mm. Nobody.

Oh. Okay, we need to
work on your poker face.

You're not fooling anyone.

Mmm. Like Chuck said,

it hasn't been a great time for me.

Okay. So?

Tell me what's going
on. Who was on the phone?

(Sighs deeply)

Look...

it was Bart Bass.

A few months ago, I made a mistake

with "The Spectator" finances.

You know, the kind that
sends you to prison.

Bart knows, and he's using it as blackmail

to turn me against Chuck.

Well, there must be some way out of it.

(Scoffs) No, there isn't,

because I'm guilty.

And if... you wanna leave
now, then I totally understand.

Are you kidding?

Now you're the good guy and the bad boy.

I'm not going anywhere.

♪

♪

Man: ♪ we could stay or we could go

♪

They kicked you out, didn't they?

♪

I saw your piece on Serena.

You let me off easy by comparison.

All I did was tell the truth.

Your truth.

Everybody has a version,

or way of delivering it.

It wouldn't have been my choice.

Well, maybe that's why
Lily doesn't respect you.

So is this how you become Bart Bass?

I did what I had to do.

And tonight, for the first time,
they weren't looking down on me.

They might've hated me,

but I was one of them.

(Fork clatters)

Congratulations... I guess.

So now that you've achieved that,

you can come back to Brooklyn.

What I want isn't in Brooklyn, dad.

I have a plan.

I have this whole time...

and it's working.

(Cell phone rings)

(Beep)

Lily, I've had all the step-mothering
I can handle for one day.

Charles, please listen to me.

I'm a fool for trusting
your father all this time.

That's what I was trying

to apologize to you for before...

Bart interrupted.

I'm on my way to Miraval for a week,

and I'm scared to be around your father,

and I fear he's coming after you, too.

I'm well aware.

Unfortunately, I think there
is little I can do to stop him.

Bruce Caplan and the Sheikh's deaths

won't stick in court without hard evidence,

and you made s'mores of
all the financial records.

Not before I carefully read each film

with Cece's jeweler's loupe.

She always said

that was the best way to
catch a husband in a lie.

I know she was referring to
low-grade diamonds, but still...

I'll send you everything I can remember.

Thank you.

It's the least I can do.

Charles...

be safe.

[ ♪ Tunnels
by The Hundred in the Hands playing ]

(Exhales deeply)

(Cell phone rings)

♪

(Ring)

(Ring)

(Beep)

Nathaniel,

remember when I said would ask
for your help in the future?

Meet me at my office first thing tomorrow.

Unless, of course,

you'd rather a wake-up call from the Feds.

I'll be there.

Thanksgiving may be over,

but I hear that our
favorite Upper East Siders

are still cooking something up.

And pretty soon, everyone
is going to feel the heat.

♪ Again

(cell phone ringing)

Of course, when you fan an old flame,

sometimes you wind up just getting burned

and having to start from scratch.

I just got your text. What happened?

Lily has finally seen the light.

She's going to help me take down Bart.

Will you go to war with me?

I thought you'd never ask.

(Clink)

Luckily, the things that
have been slowly simmering

always taste the most satisfying.

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh

♪ the night

Bon appétit.

X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.