Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 6, Episode 1 - Gone Maybe Gone - full transcript

Gossip Girl here-- your one and only source

into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Blair, I just got invited

to the Institute of Arts and
Letters' summer artists retreat.

That's incredible! But what
could possibly be the problem,

besides Rome in August?

I need your photographic memory

and your passion for social upheaval

to help me write the book
about the Upper East Side.

My computer's gone.

It's Gossip Girl. She took it.



After we got the address for tonight,

I gave it to Gossip Girl.

I just need you to keep our agreement.

Take down Lily.

You can't hold me responsible for
everything bad in your life.

I can because you are.

I want you gone for good. Pack your things.

Serena, there is no "us"

and--and now that our
parents are splitting up,

I never have to see you again.

Do you have what I asked for?

What did we bury in that coffin?

Starting today,

I will be the only Bass in Bass Industries.



All I've done is work
to protect your legacy.

And pine after Blair Waldorf.

I'm gonna take over my mother's company,

and it can be our future.

You said I always bet against you,

but this time I'm all in.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.

Could it be any hotter?

It's a good thing you're not fair-skinned.

Otherwise, your summer
"Under the Tuscan Sun"

would end up under a scalpel,
removing a melanoma.

I know it was my idea, but why
did I bring you to Italy?

You shouldn't be creating in a workshop.
You're not an elf.

Besides, how can you
possibly be inspired inside?

But here, on the other hand,

if you're really looking for payback,

then what better place

to knock the Upper East
Side out of the dark ages

than in the cradle of
the renaissance itself?

Da Vinci, Galileo, Humphrey...

Underwood?

Oh, Dio mio. Have you learned nothing?

Technology means hackers.
We're going old school.

Don't just stand there. Start typing.

Oh, grazie. I'm parched.

You'll get yours when I get mine.

Real names this time. No holding back.

Everyone gets exposed. The naked truth.

Faster! Faster! Faster!

Could this take any longer?

I'm gonna ride this thing all night long.

I hate trains.

Excuse me. Can you, like, move your leg?

My God!

Do...

that...

again.

What's the rush?

We've got all the time in the world.

Welcome back, Upper East Siders.

Call me superstitious,

but I've got a feeling this
fall could be my last season.

Let's face it. I've been
at this a long time.

But age breeds wisdom,

and this I know--

the best is yet to come.

You both look so relaxed.

Hamptons good for the soul, huh?

Well, yes, the Hamptons were lovely,

but nothing compares to the Seychelles,

where Bart and I renewed our vows.

Which was restorative.

But our time with Eric
off the African coast

was the highlight.

Have you heard from Mr. Chuck?

Well, we're hoping Charles
used his summer to relax

as much as we have.

Well, I'm sure as soon as he
sees what happy couple you are,

happy family won't be far behind.

I'm not so sure.

Look at all this. It'll
take weeks to get through.

I thought Serena was keeping
the apartment in order.

Well, that was the deal.

And since she's been ignoring my texts,

our primary mode of communication,

I assumed she was taking care of it.

Vanya?

When is Serena gonna be back?

Miss Serena? I haven't seen her all summer.

I really appreciate you taking
the time to meet with me.

Yeah, well, it's nice to have

someone else asking the
questions for a change.

Plus Professor Peiser taught

my favorite journalism class at Columbia.

Well, clearly it worked. I mean,
look how successful you are.

Well, we're about to find out.

I think it's really brave,

you deciding to run "The Spectator"
on your own.

No investors, no partners, no safety net.

Wait, are you here to freak me out

or write a paper on--on my paper?

Sorry. I'm just impressed.

I wouldn't be going it alone if
I didn't think I could succeed.

And I have a story on the horizon

I know is gonna secure
the company's future.

You wouldn't happen to want

to give Professor Peiser's
class an exclusive?

Uh, no.

But I like your initiative,

and if we're still in business
by the time you graduate...

maybe I'll interview you for a job.

Lily, hey. How are you?

Uh, Serena? No, I haven't
heard from her all summer.

I assumed she was somewhere

between Tulum and the Turks and Caicos.

Well, hey, hey, hey.
Don't--don't worry about it.

Serena's disappeared on us before,

but we always find her,
and she's always fine.

Yes.

Okay.

I am well aware of the deadlines, mother.

You don't need to put any
more pressure on me.

The stress is making my
hair fall out in clumps.

Thank God for this chapeau.

If the Olsen twins can
build a fashion empire

bossing around pattern
drafters, then so can I.

Oh, I have to go.

Someone I actually want to
speak to just walked up.

A bientot, maman.

Bonjour, ma cherie.

Ca va, Jean Pierre? How was your meeting?

Good. Now that it's over,
I can be here with you.

You Frenchmen. Must be why I
always come back to Paris.

Your mother again?

I actually wish it was.

It's my friend Nate. Someone
we know is missing.

Oh. What happened?

Who can say? She does it all the time.

I'm sure it's nothing.

You don't sound convinced.

When was the last time you saw her?

When I kicked her out of my apartment

and told her my life would be
better off without her in it.

It appears she got the message.
What are you going to do?

Exactly what needs to be done--

set some more meetings with buyers,

look at the latest sketches,

contact the textile mill

to see if they can move
up production dates.

You don't have to take all this down.

You're not my assistant.

No.

But I do care about you,

which is why I'm booking you
a ticket back to New York.

That's where you need to be right now.

For your friend.

First class?

Bulkhead by the window.

Merci.

De rien.

Did this really happen, you and Serena?

On the bar of the Campbell apartment.

Every dirty detail exactly as it occurred.

Not that.

The part where you guys get it
on is "Fifty Shades of Boring".

No offense.

After that, when you realized
that she had a sex tape.

She said she erased it,

but did you actually see her do it?

No. I-I don't know.

I mean, she said she would.
I'm sure she did.

So she might still have it.

Are you going to answer that?

No. It's Blair again,

and I know you might not believe this,

but I'd rather listen to you than

Blair and her excuses for dumping me.

Dan, finally! Thank you for picking up.

I know you've been dodging
my calls all summer,

but... I talked to Nate,

and no one knows where Serena is.

I thought you two might
be together, hating me.

Are... you with her?

Hello, Blair.

Georgina.

I should've known it was you

from the sound of that disdainful silence.

Now I don't even want to know

why you are picking up n's phone,

but please put him on so I can speak to him.
This is serious.

No one has seen Serena for months.

Not even Gossip Girl has posted about her.

And what could be worse than that?

Always good catching up, Blair.

Ciao.
Wait! No! No!

Okay, change of venue.

What? Why? What did Blair say?

There's a new ending for your book,

if we can find Serena
before anyone else does.

I don't understand what
we're doing here, Chuck.

Neither do I.

But I'm trying to find out.

This was the last project my
father worked on before he...

How do I put this delicately?

Faked died.

He said he was in Miami,

but he was here in Dubai with you.

As his translator.

And I already told you everything I know.

Look, I pored over all the records

when I took over Bass Industries,

and there was nothing
about a project in Dubai.

And I know a view this breathtaking

would've taken up my
father's time and interest.

Once again, Chuck, I wish I could help.

When your father walked away
from this, I lost out, too.

I'm not sure what else I can do.

Maybe you can translate for me.

Do you speak unstable psychopath?

Hello, Georgina.

To what do I owe the displeasure?

From all around the world,

our favorite Upper East Siders
are asking the same question.

But I couldn't care less.

Serena Van Der Woodsen is dead.

At least to me.

Spotted at J.F.K. and Teterboro--

our favorite U.E.S.ers returning home.

What motivated this sudden
flurry of transatlantic travel?

Could it be a certain passport

that didn't get stamped this summer?

No, her passport's here.

It was in a box with her other things.

So let's focus our efforts closer to home.

Thank you, officer.

Charles.

You didn't have to come home...

But I am so glad you did.

Of course.

And you're not alone.

Amira Abbar. Hello.

Amira's a new friend. We met in Dubai.

Beautiful city.

With beautiful women.

I'm Bart Bass.

Son, I trust your summer was relaxing.

Indeed, father.

Nothing like travel to clear the mind.

I found Dubai fascinating.

Such a forward-looking city,
yet so many links to the past.

It's true. I showed Chuck
all my favorite spots.

Usually,

Chuck can find a woman's
favorite spot all by himself.

Blair, you're back, and
you brought a friend.

And who's your mystery guest?

I was just introducing her. Where were we?

Just leaving.

Got a couple things to
clear up at the office.

Yes, I'm gonna head out with you.

I have one more place to check for Serena.

Nice to meet you.

Amira, I'll meet you at the hotel.

Uh, yes. You can drop her off
on your way to my mother's.

I think there's jam on the steering wheel.

Consider yourself lucky if it's just jam.

I don't know how much time
you've spent around babies...

Only yours, when you were
pretending he was mine.

Constant pooping, food throwing,

random explosions out of every orifice--

babies are nauseating.

Not that I don't love being a mother.

Just not as much as going
on secret missions with me.

A woman shouldn't have to choose.

So wait, who-- who were you texting

when Philip dropped the van off?

'Cause I think I was the
last person to see Serena,

and I have no clue where she is.

Yes, but you forget that I've known S.
since ninth grade.

And whenever she hits a road bump in life,

inevitably she reaches for a
bump of a different kind.

And her favorite provider is...

Damien Dalgaard.

You really think Serena's on drugs?

Well, hopefully, or clinically insane.

Either would be a great
ending for your book.

What? Poughkeepsie's
known for three things.

I highly doubt that S.
is enrolled at Vassar,

and she's certainly not signed

for a taste testing at
the Culinary Institute.

Which leaves?

Where we're headed.

The Hudson River State Mental Hospital.

Swear to me that nothing is
going on between you and Amira.

When I saw you two together,

I thought you'd reneged
on the promise we made.

Never. She's a weapon against my father.
That's all.

They were involved in some
off-the-record business deal.

I brought her back to rattle him.

Oh, she was his translator?

Well, you've always expressed admiration

for women who are good with tongues.

She's very pretty.

No prettier than your Jean Pierre.

As head of your Public Relations,

does he know how much you
enjoy relations in public?

You two seem close.

Well, he's been my constant companion

since I returned to Paris.

Focusing on work has made it
easier to be away from you.

If I had known it would be this difficult

going our separate ways, I
would never have agreed.

Well, we had to come to
some kind of an agreement

or we never would've left that
hotel room in Monte Carlo.

And...

We have much to do.

But like I said in the casino,

I'm all in.

My bet's on us.

Lily. What are you doing here?

I thought you and Bart
were circling the globe

in an 80-foot yacht.

Well, the yacht was 110 feet,

and most people who've actually
been on one call it a boat.

I assume

you didn't come all the way
to Brooklyn to tell me that.

No. I didn't come here
to tell you anything.

I came here to ask. Have you seen Serena?

She's missing, and I thought
she might've sought out Dan.

Well, Dan's in Italy,

and I haven't seen or heard from Serena.

Oh, really? Is that why her sweater's here?

Rufus, you have reached an all-time low.

I mean, first, you let her hide
here and then you lie to me,

right to my face.

That's not Serena's sweater.

It's mine.

What is going on here?

Ivy's been staying here.

Here? With you?

Lily, could I get you a glass of water?
You don't look well.

I assure you I am quite all right.

Unlike you.

There's nothing wrong with Rufus.
He saved me.

After I tore up your check
you wrote me, I had nothing.

I was on the verge of doing
something desperate,

and Rufus opened his home to
me, gave me a second chance.

I don't know why it matters to you,

but she's sleeping in Dan's room.

It doesn't matter to me.

None of it does.

My daughter is missing. God
knows what happened to her.

And I don't know why she would
ever think of coming here.

This is all clothes and toiletries.

We're never gonna discover
Serena's secrets in her loofah.

She never kept a day planner,

maybe an address book that
might have some names in it?

Serena's life is on her cell phone,

and it seems to be the only
thing she has with her.

Still nothing from Gossip Girl?

I checked.

Her last post on Serena was in the spring,

the day she moved out.

Well, yeah, just because she
hasn't written about Serena

doesn't mean she doesn't
know anything about her.

You do have a personal correspondence
with our poison pen pal.

Yeah. Well, when I heard from Lily,

it was the first thing I tried.

Gossip Girl didn't give me anything.

Nate, you have to convince her.

Haven't you ever seen a Hitchcock movie

or watched "Dateline"?

There's only so many ways this goes--

kidnap/ransom, torture/murder,
or brainwash/cult.

Okay, Blair, we get it.

No, you don't.

We both know

that Serena is quite capable
of hurting herself.

But...

This time, I'm afraid I hurt her, too.

There is one more thing I can try.

Anything, please.

If you have a card, now's
the time to play it.

It's okay.

We'll find her.

Looks like N. is about to save the day.

But we'll see if he can
still save his friend.

And that way, we could take advantage

of the natural light.

What do you think?

Earth to Rufus.

Have you heard one thing I've said?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Um, "Earth to Rufus."

That's a really cool name for
a solo record, by the way.

Admit it.

Lily's visit upset you,

not just because something
could've happened to Serena,

but because Lily would think

there was something going on between us.

All you've done is been a good person.

What I've done is

dragged you from one potential
art gallery to another.

I mean, if you have to see one
more polished concrete floor...

It was fun.

And it was worth it, finding this place.

Look, I'll call the agent,

and I'll tell him you'll take it,

and I'll go pick up the keys.

I can't let you do all that.

You can and you will,

because you're gonna be
too busy helping Lily.

Well, I guess I was Serena's
dad longer than anyone else.

Which is why you should go.

Thanks, Ivy.

And, um...

If there are any problems
with that realtor...

There won't be. I've got this.

Trust me.

Hi. You've reached Lola. Leave a message.

Lola, hi. It's Ivy.

So congrats on booking a TV series.

NBC, huh?

It's very impressive.

Well, whatever acting you
have going on over there

has nothing on my performance.

Rufus Humphrey-- he's easy on the eyes

and even easier to manipulate.

Call me.

All right, so we're not too far

from where Gossip Girl said she is.

What makes you so sure

we're not being led on a
wild goose chase, Nathaniel?

I mean, Gossip Girl is only
slightly less trustworthy

than, say, Georgina sparks or...

Me.

You know, you could at least
pretend you're relieved

that Serena wasn't institutionalized.

Any disappointment you're
sensing is not because

the mental hospital was a dead end.

It stems from the fact
that you and I missed out

on a real opportunity.

Empty hospital bed,

4-point restraints,
soundproof rubber walls--

No, no, no, no, no. You stop right there

before I start chugging
this premium unleaded.

I paid a serious price
for Serena's location.

I was gonna break a major story.

I had surveillance video

that could've led me to the
identity of Gossip Girl.

Unmasking Gossip Girl?
That's a major media coup.

I-I can't imagine a better way
to relaunch "The Spectator."

Yeah, well, you're gonna have to.

I traded the whole story to
find out where Serena is.

I don't understand.

It's noble and selfless.

Of course you don't.

You put your whole venture at risk.

Hey, if it helps Serena, it's worth it.

Come on, Humphrey.

I can go undercover as a patient.

You could be my orderly.

Something about mental
hospitals really just...

Gets me going.

Yeah, it's because you're insane.

I say we turn around right now to go home

and pretend nod of this ever happened.

Start the car now, Dan.

We have to see what this odyssey
can do in an open road.

And I'd say 40, 45 max.

Why? What's the sudden rush?

That limo is Chuck's. I
memorized the license plate.

I knew he and Blair knew where Serena was.

Damien was right all along.

We have to get there before they do.

Serena recouping in rehab
is much less interesting

than a full-on slut spiral.

That's a heartwarming tale,

but why--why would you just assume

that Chuck is with Blair anyway?

No, hey!

Georgina, wait a second. Wait a second.
You gotta hold up.

What are you doing?

Get in! Open the--stop the car.

So the place we're going to

doesn't look like it's on an actual road.

So she's literally off the map.

Well, whatever backwoods
town we're headed to,

it can't be good.

Serena is not country strong.

Yeah, well, we're gonna have to be for her.

Can you turn right here, please?

We need to go west.

What the hell's going on?!

What are we doing?

Sabotage.

Georgina sparks.

With Humphrey in tow.

Hey, guys. Nice day for a drive, huh?

Don't talk to them. Let's go. Now.

W-where are you going and
what are you doing with her?

Probably the same thing
you're doing with him.

Saving Serena?

No. Finding Serena.

And since you're going to be following us,

I'm going to have you to
follow my lead as well.

Which means what, exactly?

Do nothing. Whatever Serena is
doing, we can't get involved.

We're there to observe and record,

like a documentary.

This isn't a reality show, sparks.

This is reality, a concept I
know you're a little fuzzy on.

So whatever filth-filled,
paint-huffing meth den

we find Serena cracked
out in, we don't judge.

We're still her friends no matter what.

We're her family.

Oh, aren't you just the kindest, nicest

little trust fund babies
in the whole world?

But when it comes to what
Serena's capable of,

I think you'll find it's nothing
like what you imagined.

I can't argue with you there.

I would just like to point
out that most serial killers

are high-functioning members of
society who lead a double life.

She could be trapped in the basement

or buried in the backyard.

Good idea, Georgina.

Why don't you grab a
shovel and start digging?

There's--there's gotta be an
explanation for all this.

Can I help you?

I believe you can. We're
looking for our friend Serena.

Blonde. Legs for days.

Effortless charisma

that only someone far less secure

than I am would find threatening.

And I'm the weird one?

I believe you mean Sabrina?

I think someone's about
to toss her cookies.

And the only thing more disturbing

than finding her on drugs
or in a psych ward

is seeing her happy and healthy.

Who wants that?

What the hell are you doing here?

Uh, looking for you.

To observe and record.

No. We're here to help you.

And get you home.

And, uh, I don't even
know what I'm doing here.

Can't you see there's a party going on

and you're not invited?

Crashing parties is one
of our favorite pastimes.

Especially when it involves infiltrating

a sophisticated yet deadly cult.

Now which one is the charismatic leader?

Please leave before it's too late.

Sabrina! Sabrina.

Too late.

Sabrina, you didn't tell
me you invited friends.

That is so Sabrina.

Oh, she loves surprises.

She has so many surprises, you
could write a book about 'em.

Where to end that book is the challenge.

I hope you don't mind us dropping by.

Steven. Nice to meet you.

And of course not. The more, the
merrier on this special day.

Please, stay and be a part of it.

Oh, yes, Steven. I think we will.

Why don't we get my
friends some drinks then?

Okay.

I know I'm not exactly a
welcome houseguest these days,

but we shouldn't let our recent
history overshadow our past.

Thanks. I appreciate it.

How could I have thought it
was okay to go all summer

without actually talking
to my own daughter?

Whatever this is, Lil, isn't your fault.

And why should I believe that?

Because that's what you told
me when Jenny ran away,

and she was much younger and crazier,

with much heavier eye makeup than Serena.

We raised good girls.

Unpredictable, sure.

Try reckless, defiant.

Spirited,

independent.

Not unlike their parents at that age.

Oh, God. Who can remember back that far?

I can, and seeing the
way her mom turned out,

I have every confidence
that Serena will be okay.

Well, look, I'm sorry about earlier.

I shouldn't have stormed out like that.
I had no right.

I should've known you wouldn't
be attracted to someone

like... you know...

Ivy.

So sorry to interrupt, but, um,

I just came from the gallery,

and, uh, look.

We got it.

I was just--I was so excited.
I couldn't wait!

It's what we dreamed about all summer.

Well played, Rufus.

You butter me up, remind
me how great you can be,

only to have your little tramp show up here

and throw whatever this is in my face.

Lily, hold on.

Is it any wonder our children
are still so immature

with such role models for parents?

Don't say anything you're gonna regret.

I have no regrets, Rufus,

only that I let you in my home today.

I'm already leaving.

You know, I know you're
really worried about Serena,

but you should try to relax your face.

You're getting some very
pronounced frown lines.

Bye.

This is so much worse than we thought.

Because you're here? I agree.

What makes you say that? It's a nice house.

He seems like a nice guy.

Look at this.

Trellis, chairs, pastor. This is a wedding.

And Serena was wearing a white dress!

Either she's the bride, or
she's just really tacky.

I told you. She's obviously
had a psychotic break.

Serena's taken too many happy pills,

and now she think she's
Sabrina from Dan's book.

That actually sounds vaguely plausible.

Or today's the day of the cult sacrifice,

and since I don't see any
volcanoes in the area,

I wonder if they're
burning her at the stake.

And then you lost me.

Whatever is going on, we can't
let her marry this guy.

Time for a plan.

Okay, well, Lily was really
worried this morning,

so I should at least call her

and let her know we found Serena.

And I can reach out to the Ostroff Center,

have them ready Serena's
old bed just in case.

And Humphrey and I will
try to get her alone.

We're the closest to her,

the best chance of breaking through.

Aren't you forgetting someone?

Trying to.

Fear not. I've seduced a
man of the cloth before.

I can do it again.

This wedding cannot happen.

Blair, why don't you go
find Serena on your own?

You know, I'm really not up
for a super secret mission,

especially with you. I'm
not even here to help.

Georgina just dragged me
along so I could, you know,

oh. Okay.

What is wrong with you?

Uh, aside from the fact
that my face now hurts?

You know what, Blair? You chose Chuck.

I don't owe you an explanation. Good luck.

In here, Chuck.

Wrong Bass, my dear.

What are you doing here?

I came here to ask you the same question.

So is Chuck using you,

or are you using him?

What goes on between Chuck and
me is none of your business.

You better hope your relationship

has nothing to do with business,

because so help me,

if you've told him anything about mine.

I haven't.

Yet.

But that could always change.

Chuck is very persuasive.

Takes after his father
in more ways than one.

What do you want to leave
town with your mouth shut?

You think you can just buy my silence?

I can buy anything.

It's one of the chief perks
of being really rich.

$10 million.

Everything okay?

You seem a little nervous.

Oh. Yeah, no. It's just a lot of pressure,

and I want everything to be perfect. So...

But when do I get to see you alone?

That's all I care about.

Not soon enough.

Although, I, uh, imagine

you wanna spend some
time with your friends.

So are they from Vassar

or did you, uh, grow up
with them in Wisconsin?

Uh, Wisconsin.

And I'm--I'm so sorry I didn't
tell you that I invited them.

It just must've slipped my
mind with all this going on.

No, it's okay. It's okay.
I'll see you out there.

Okay.

Wisconsin?

Seriously?

Do you even know where that is on a map?

What I do know is,

you told me you never wanna see me again,

and then you show up
here, today of all days,

when I'm finally happy with
someone I actually care about?

Cares about you

or Sabrina from Madison who goes to Vassar?

Georgina's right. You
really are delusional.

I'm not gonna let you ruin this.

Serena, I have no intention
of ruining your big day.

I hope you do marry this guy.
Frankly, it would be

the kind of desperate,
attention-seeking stunt

that would prove you're every
bit as shallow and sad

as the character in my book, so--

Okay, I deserved that one.

Wait.

Wait, marry him?

How'd it go?

Humphrey and I split up.

I didn't find Serena, so
hopefully he did. You?

The Ostroff Center's on alert,

though apparently now it's
called the Pedowitz Institute.

Great news. You'll never
guess what I found.

Looks like Nate Archibald to me.

After I talked to Lily,

I found her rooting
around Serena's bathroom.

Not rooting. Snooping. And
all for a good reason.

The only thing you were
supposed to be doing

was getting between that man and his cloth.

He's protestant. I do my
best work with Catholics.

Thank God I'm an atheist.

Great. Now this wedding is gonna
happen unless we find Serena,

which requires us finding Dan.

Well, that might be easier than you think.

Could I have everyone's attention, please?

Sabrina, would you-- would you join me?

Tell them, please. Of course.

Okay, so Serena explained everything--

Explained what?

That's she's never been
happy in her whole life

and she found true love
for the very first time?

Please.

...in life, which is why I'm--I'm so glad

that you all could be here
for this special moment.

And to have the love of my life by my side.

So let's, uh, let's all raise a glass--

No! No!

We will raise nothing!

You cannot marry her.

You don't even know her!

Blair, please.

Her name isn't Sabrina either.

It is Serena. Serena Van Der Woodsen!

And that's not all.

What are you doing? I've got this.

Public humiliation's really more my forte.

Sabrina/Serena has a history
of mental imbalance,

drug use, and promiscuity.

That's right. She's got a
rap sheet and a snuff film.

Yeah, and we have contacted
a psychiatric care center

who has agreed to take her into custody.

Kill me now.

Hey! What are you doing down there?!

Wait. Who are the two angry
guys in matching hats?

They're the grooms. That's
what I was trying to say.

This is not Serena's wedding.

Will someone tell me what's going on here?

Why are the maid of honor's friends

ruining David and David's wedding?

I know I have some explaining to do.

But can we talk, just
the two of us, please?

No. No one goes anywhere.

No more lies. I have proof
that you're on drugs.

I found these in your bathroom.

Yeah, those are vitamins.

Okay. Like we're supposed to believe that.

Steven makes them. He has a
holistic health company.

Wait. You're Steven Spence.

I saw you speak at the T.E.D.
conference last year.

I told you I was fine.

Actually, no, you didn't.

Yeah. Dan is right.

You fell off the face of
the earth without a word.

But isn't that what you wanted?
You kicked me out of your house.

You said you have no reason
to ever speak to me again.

And, what, you two were too busy
doing whatever it is you do

to even send a text?

I spent the summer in the middle east,

dealing with something relating
to my father. It's serious.

Well, and so am I about
turning my life around.

Wait a second. Blair, you
two spent the summer apart?

I started my summer on a train,
being revived by paramedics.

Mouth-to-mouth on public transportation?

Yeah, I'd say that's rock bottom.

Yeah, I would, too,

which is why I wanted to start
fresh without any of you.

As for why I pretended to be someone else,

well, I-I think that explains itself.

Serena!

I don't believe you.

Well, I'm not gonna let her
just charge off without--

No, not Serena. You. That you chose Chuck,

I don't like it,
but I begrudgingly accept it.

Dan, please don't do this.

But then I find out that
you're not even with him.

I am with him,

or at least I will be.

We made a pact.

We have things we need to do on our own.

But when we are both in that next place,

we will be together for food. End of story.

So I didn't lose you to Chuck. I
lost you to the idea of Chuck,

at some point in the hopefully
not-to-distant future, maybe?

Well, when you put it that way...

You know, you had someone who
loved you unconditionally,

treated you right, and wanted
to be with you every day,

and then you threw that all away

to let Chuck Bass decide
when he's ready for you?

You think you two have an epic love,

but all you have are excuses.

I have to go find Serena.

I'm sorry I came to Lily's.

I never meant to cause any problems.

Lily thinks what she wants.

It's always the worst, especially about me.

Well, she's wrong.

I probably shouldn't be saying this,

but...

I'm glad you got away from her.

She doesn't appreciate you.

Never did.

You know, if you have such
a poor opinion of Lily,

then...

Why was it so important for
you to get close to her?

I realize now

she's not the one I wanna be close to.

You're the good one, and you
care about other people.

And I think that's why
she's so threatened by me.

I see the real you,

and I don't think she deserves you.

That's an interesting theory.

I think it's more than that.

Ivy...

It's okay.

I'm not a kid.

You're not married.

Why are you still here?

You didn't think I was leaving without you?

Or... without saying I'm sorry.

Because I am, Serena.

Thinking that I really lost you

made me regret every horrible
thing I've ever said to you.

Well, that's a lot of regret.

However complicated our friendship got,

I shouldn't have let it go.

I shouldn't have let you go.

"B.F.F." means "best
friend forever," right?

Well, maybe it's time to admit that...

We're stuck with each other.

I appreciate the kind words,

and--and I know that they're
hard coming from you,

but I don't want to be stuck with you.

I want a fresh start

with Steven.

Fine.

If that's how you want it, stay here.

You can have Poughkeepsie.

Hell, you can even have Schenectady,

but I get Manhattan.

Have a nice life.

Poor B.

Looks like she just got dumped
by the love of her life,

and we're not talking about Chuck or Dan.

The two of us alone in your limo?

You're really tempting fate. You know that?

Unless that's your intention, of course.

We're both back in New York,
doing what we need to do.

Maybe our pact is just an excuse

for us not to be together.

Blair, I love you with all my heart,

and that is the reason

we cannot take the chance
of messing this up.

Sure. Because what would your
father think if you failed?

That I distracted you.

That... you sacrificed your empire for me.

Blair, you are a distraction,

because when we're together
you're all I think about.

And I would give up my empire for you.

I would give up everything for you.

After a couple nights in Monte Carlo,

I lost track of all time.

We were exhausted and starving.

I think I had an actual fever.

But that's not why we need to do this,

and neither to prove a point to my father.

Then what?

In the past, I blamed my mistakes on you,

and Bart was right on that count.

It's the boy who blames
the girl, not the man,

and that's what I want to be with you.

It won't be much longer, I promise.

Arthur, pull over.

Wait. What are you doing?
This is your limo.

I need to walk it off.

Hey, sage.

Hi. Sorry for dropping in after hours,

but I was walking by and I saw
that your office light was on.

Ah. No, you, uh, you just--you
thought of more questions, huh?

Only one.

Would you like to have a drink with me?

Yeah. I could use a drink, actually.

Bad news on your big story?

Real bad.

What's old is new again.

I may not have much time left,
but some things are forever.

Since you know who I am,

I thought it was time that
you see where I'm from.

That explains why you didn't want

to come back to the city
and stay at my place.

I'm just on the other side of the park.

You know, all that time away,

I didn't realize how much I missed it.

But now that I'm back and I'm with you,

New York has never seemed more perfect.

The promise of love...

No one can ruin this, no matter
how hard they're gonna try.

The threat of war...

And the fall of the mighty.

Amira.

It's late. I thought you
would be in your own suite.

Your father gave it to me to keep quiet.

About what?

For that amount of money, you
must know a hell of a secret.

I swear I don't know what it is,

but I wanted to stick around to find out.

That was a waste of time.

All that driving and wedding
crashing and public humiliation,

and still no Serena.

What's worse, still no ending to your book.

Serena still has her cell phone.

I just know that video has to be on it.

I guess we'll never know 'cause
Serena's not coming back,

and you're not going looking for her again.

Something to hide, Humphrey?

If memory serves, that video
should make you a star.

Or is it that you just
don't want Blair to see?

Can you--can you, can you
just drop it, please?

Why are you even walking me to my door?

I'm not kissing you good night.

Okay. I'll call you tomorrow.

And just because I've seen it all

doesn't mean I've seen everything.

And I gotta say, no one
saw this one coming.

You may think my best days are behind me,

but this old girl still
has some new tricks.

Stay tuned.

X.O.X.O., Gossip Girl.