Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 4, Episode 16 - While You Weren't Sleeping - full transcript

GOSSIP GIRL: Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

...into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Perjury is a felony.

And Lily could be spending a lot of time
in jail if, say, I were to tell everybody.

Lily and my dad used to date,
but that was a long time ago.

I'll do whatever it takes
to stay in the company.

If Lily is an obstacle, I'll handle it.

- Nothing is sacred to you.
- That's not true.

- You are sacred to me.
- I've seen all I needed to see.

I suggested you be promoted
to replace me.

Stefano's giving you a trial run
starting now.



BLAIR: We're not friends.
Just because we went to go see a movie...

...or five together, does not mean
I'll go out on a limb for you.

What about your family? What if
us being together drives them all away?

I don't think it will, but that's a risk
I'm willing to take, if you are.

WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL: Mick, Keith and their
questionably costumed cohorts said:

"You can't always get what you want."

But that doesn't mean it's okay
for anyone else to have it either.

BEN: It's just toast.
- But it's perfect.

It's the perfect amount of toasty.



[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Sorry if we kept you up last night.
We were playing Scrabble.

She fell asleep to avoid losing.

Since when do you enjoy Scrabble?

Do you want some coffee? I made it.

She makes it strong. She's giving Staten
Island Correctional a run for its money.

- No. I'm actually craving some Zibetto's.
- You're gonna go to Midtown for coffee?

Yeah. I have a, uh, meeting... Lunch up
there anyway. So see you guys later.

I should get going too.
I agreed to a d?tente with my mom...

...so I could help plan
Eric's 18th birthday party.

- Hmm.
- I can't show up in yesterday's clothes.

Tell him I say congratulations,
and to be careful...

...now that he's old enough
to be tried as an adult.

Actually, I was hoping you could
come to the party and tell him yourself.

I'm not going to your mother's, Serena.

I'm not eating her food,
drinking her wine...

...or pretending everything's okay.

I don't forgive her either, I just...

[SIGHS]

We'll hang out when you're done.

I wished for chills on my birthday,
but not thanks to the flu.

Looks like I'll be ushering in adulthood
with warm tea and flat ginger ale, heh.

We'll have to celebrate another time.

Ugh, I need to get to this meeting.

Get some rest, okay? I'll call everyone
when I get home and cancel the party.

How's the patient? Do I need to change
my breakfast with Thurston?

Uh, no, he's gonna be fine. I wish I could
say the same about this meeting.

Mm, stay strong. I know you'll do great.

SERENA:
I try not to meddle in Dorota's duties...

...but don't you think
you're taking it a bit far?

BLAIR: Marie Antoinette, Scarlett O'Hara,
I'm following in the footsteps...

...of powerful women
who did not have time to zip.

Or you're delusional
from lack of sleep.

- Your light hasn't been off for nights.
- Great leaders only need 3 hours...

...mine just happen to be
non-consecutive.

It's part of my two-year plan.

Every minute is allotted for work,
school and personal obligations.

Ow! That was my skin.

Studies say not enough sleep
make people psychotic.

- Shouldn't you be brushing?
SERENA: You sure your workaholism...

...has nothing to do with Raina
and Chuck and Valentine's Day?

They broke up. I only have 30 seconds
left of being-a-good-friend time, so spill.

- Where were you last night?
- At the loft. Just sleeping.

It's hard to find the time
with Dan always there and you here...

...and, you know,
there's been a lot of build up.

A three-year stint in the big house?
I'd say so.

Obviously good-friend time has expired.
B, please, at least consider a nap.

BLAIR:
What are you doing?

Less reading, more grooming.

I'm the only one who can multi-task.

GOSSIP GIRL: Girls Inc. Has found
its new face in Raina Thorpe.

If only Chuck Bass could get her
to look at his again.

But New York's favorite bad boy
always gets what he wants.

And in this case, we think
that's the girl who has everything.

I'm sure Ms. Raina does not have
personal dresser.

Yes, but she has a company
and a foundation...

...and maybe a second chance
with Chuck.

[SIGHS]

Keep up, Dorota.

The time has come for the dictator
to delegate.

I'm moving up my timeline.

Russell manipulated me to make me
look like a monster with Lily...

...so Raina would break up with me...

...and I'd lose my one advocate
within his company.

- So you said. More than a couple times.
- I have to get her back.

I need you to bump into her while she's
meeting your mother about Girls Inc.

Then distract her for a while.

A businesswoman like Raina
has plans for the day.

- What would I talk about anyway?
- Me. I have faith in you.

Your Archibald charm
can get me the opening I need.

Just change the sweater.

What's wrong with my sweater?

[SNIFFS]

You called us here to Skype?

No, I called you into W, but apparently,
someone thought that stood for Waldorf.

- It's fine. No time to waste on blame, ugh.
- Oh, thank God.

One does not get promoted
without working 50-hour weeks.

Nor does one graduate early
without doubling their course load.

There are philanthropic positions
to secure as well as relations to nurture.

Yet, with science so behind
in cloning technology...

...I can only be in one place at a time.

- Dorota?
- Jessica, Art History essay exam.

We got the question in advance.
You will sit in front of the proctor...

...and take my dictation over Bluetooth.
Penmanship counts.

Now, Penelope, gifts for Eric's birthday
and my mother's new home in Aix.

And please do try
to approach my level of taste.

- New minion.
- My name is Emily.

She has no time to care.

BLAIR:
The opera is naming their new board.

I need to be on it. Which means
I need to meet with Bryn Harold today.

I don't wanna do gifts.

I'm sorry, but the time allotted
for this interaction is now up.

Interns, step in.

Now, since the new online blog
is molding minds, I'll do that myself.

You will sort portfolios,
draft editorial captions...

...and research back...

Are you talking to me?

Of course not. Where are my interns?

They put in for transfers.

Your management style
was a little aggressive.

One claims she has PTSD
and threatened a lawsuit.

Oh. Good luck.

The last assistant who lost her interns
lost her job too.

Not to worry,
my new intern is already here.

Thanks for coming.
I've requested a quiet table...

Oh, I'm not staying. I only came to tell you
to stop calling me.

I know I said some terrible things,
but let me explain.

I've tolerated a lot from you
over the years.

But nothing could justify the humiliation
you put me through on Valentine's Day.

Russell Thorpe is setting me up.

I don't care what Russell was doing.
It's no excuse for the things you said.

This guy's trying
to destroy our company.

Your company.

You had me fired.

I'm done trying to protect
the Bass legacy.

Russell will make a marvelous owner.

What is it with this guy?
You still have feelings for him?

- Please. I'm a married woman.
- That didn't stop you from cheating...

...on my father.
I'm sure you'd do the same to Rufus.

Goodbye, Charles.

Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

Mm. I thought since
I no longer have a party to plan...

...I could make sure Eric was okay,
wish him a happy birthday...

...and we could spend the rest of the day
doing whatever.

I heard A Free Man of Color is great.
A matinee would get us out of the cold.

Or my room at the Waldorf's
is pretty cozy.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Maybe you don't have to go up
to see Eric.

- Oh, it'll just be a minute. I promise.
- I mean, he's right there.

Don't even try to tell me
you're on an emergency ibuprofen run.

I'm not sick.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS]

Slap was a nice touch. Oscar worthy.

Yes, well,
it was surprisingly satisfying.

Lily, once again, I'm sorry.

I feel like a fool
for ever believing Russell over you.

Well, let's just hope it's not long
before he's the one feeling foolish.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Can't get no satisfaction.

Looks like that's up for debate.

ERIC: I know they were trying to help,
but Dan and Nate made things worse...

...when they went to Damien's father.
- How exactly?

Damien's got his big coke shipment
coming in today from Europe.

It's arriving at the flower market
in the fertilizer packs of 100 pink tulips.

And since his dad has people
watching his every move...

...he's making me be his mule.

What? Why would you do that?
What does he have on you?

On me, nothing.

But he knows that Mom forged
the affidavit about Ben.

You told him?

Eric, you know what would happen
if that ever comes out.

Mom could go to prison. I'm aware.

I stupidly thought
that Damien was my friend.

And I knew he would never wanna
clear your name.

You can't blame yourself,
but you can't do this drug deal.

How else am I supposed to stop him
from outing my mom?

I did this, I gotta fix it.

Great birthday, right?

Go upstairs and tell Mom you're feeling
better and not to cancel your party.

We'll take care of this. I promise.

Thank you.

If we go to the police, Damien
will just tell them about my mom.

I should just get the flowers myself.

It's a drug deal. Anyone who touches
those flowers can get arrested.

Yeah, and if no one does,
my mom will.

You can't risk anyone else's future
to protect hers.

The right thing to do here is nothing.

Then the worst that happens
is Lily pays for what she did.

At least no one else will.

- Ben, she's my mother.
- Who created this situation on her own.

[SCOFFS]

I think we should take a rain check
on our afternoon.

Yeah.

Call me later?

[PHONE RINGING]

- This job offer won't last forever.
- No way.

I came to see if you wanted lunch,
not sign up for indentured servitude.

Penelope, I see that you're between
36th and 48th Street.

That is a tasteful gift-free zone.
Get back in the cab.

What do you mean you don't know
the price of the Prada clutch?

You are Prada. Let me speak to Miuccia.

Tell me, for someone so determined
to remain a free person...

...why are you still here?

Listen, I'm not gonna work for you,
but as a friend, I am willing to help out.

All you have to do is admit you need me.

What?

Never. The last person I need
is Dan Humphrey.

Who shouldn't flatter himself
by thinking he's my friend.

Yes, I need immediate delivery
of four venti lattes with extra shots.

- None of which are for you.
- I don't like refreshments with theater.

- Hey, Raina.
RAINA: Nate.

[RAINA CHUCKLES]

I just finished having tea
with your mom.

I would have stayed longer, but I have
to meet Ivanka at Trump Place.

You haven't seen my driver, have you?

The police probably got him
for double-parking.

- Happens all the time on this block.
- Ugh, I guess I should just catch a cab.

Yeah, if you have an hour.

A cab to Riverside will take
at least that long right now.

How's that possible? It's 15 blocks.

The best way to get anywhere right now
is through the park.

You mean walk?

I'll escort you. That way you won't
wander off into Sheep's Meadow.

Come on, trust me.
It'll be fast and it's fun.

Okay, then. Escort away.

- There aren't really sheep there, right?
- Heh, no. Just a lot of grass.

The kids theme is perfect for the party.
Eric has always been so grown-up.

- This'll be his last grasp at childhood.
- Ha, ha.

Thank you.

Nate's distracting Raina.
I have to get Russell out of the office...

...get access to his computer
before they change the password.

Russell isn't liquid enough to acquire
something as big as Bass Industries...

...on his own. He must have a backer.

And if it's true that it's more profitable
to keep Bass Industries intact...

...then I'm sure that this investor
would appreciate if we told him this.

Let's hope we find him
before he writes Thorpe a check.

I don't know how much longer
we can wait.

You could make the first move.

Play the modern woman.

Look, you of all people know
men like Russell need the pursuit.

Maybe I simply just don't have the allure
that I used to.

No, the way he's playing this behind all
the false claims, there's a real agenda.

And it's personal.

I have to think it's his feelings for you.

[PHONE RINGS]

Russell, what a surprise.

No, it's a pleasant one, actually.

After everything that's happened
with Charles...

...I was hoping you would call.

Oh, I'd love to meet you for a drink.

No, the Oak Bar is perfect.

See you soon.

BLAIR: Do you have Bryn Harold?
Well, then take off your shoes...

...and chase her down
because I need that opera.

As a front-of-book idea.

They're doing Boris Godunov this spring.
Who doesn't love tsars and Cossacks?

Seems like a better concept for fall,
but I'll run it by the group.

- Not ready to admit you need my help?
- Never.

No. "Never" isn't what he transitioned
Spain into, it's Modernism.

And don't get caught talking
during a test.

When was the last time you slept?

Sleep is for the weak.

Speaking of which, don't act like
I don't know why you're here.

- You're avoiding Ben and Serena.
- No. I'm waiting for you to crack.

Stefano said to research the opera.

And what's the ETA
on today's blog post?

Uh...

Uh...

Within the hour.

Blair, if you take on one more thing,
you're gonna break.

- We need your help with a scheme.
- She can't.

Uh... I can. New paragraph.

The Nude Maja began Goya's
separation from religious iconography.

- What are you doing here?
- I'm leaving.

This just went from Women on the Verge
to Saw II. I don't like gore porn.

- You sure you can help? You seem busy.
- A takedown only takes two minutes.

[PHONE RINGS]

Stefano Tonchi's office, please hold.

Yes, you hold too, Jessica.

[SIGHS]

Tell me the plot points.

RAINA:
Look at everyone.

Skating and kissing...

NATE:
Hmm.

...and doing karate.

[RAINA CHUCKLES]

Oh, it's, heh... It's tai chi.

Don't they have parks in Chicago?

- Mm-hm. Grant Park. It's beautiful.
- Ah.

I think I saw a picture of myself there
at the age of 3.

But it may have been
the White House lawn.

[CHUCKLES]

Guess that's what happens when your
mother walks out before you can walk.

I'm sorry. I, uh... I had no idea.

My mom used to take me skating here
every winter.

- I've never been.
- You're from the home of the Hawks...

...and you've never been skating?
- I watch from our box, not from the ice.

Oh, well, come on, I'll teach you.

What about my meeting?

Trust me, your first time on skates
is worth being a few minutes late.

Go take a look,
I'll get the skates and be right there.

Seven and a half.

Seven and a half...

BLAIR: Penelope,
I'm putting someone else on gifts.

Return immediately
for your new and urgent flower mission.

All the details are on
a purple sticky note on my computer.

[GASPS]

- It's about time.
- You texted me two minutes ago.

I was getting a sandwich.
What's so urgent?

I wanted to tell you
that you were right.

- About that thing.
- Oh, now, which thing was that?

I, Blair Waldorf,
need Dan Humphrey's help.

As a friend and peer,
not as an underling.

As, uh, my friend and peer,
not my underling.

[MUMBLING]

- As my friend and peer, not an underling.
- Culinary crisis in Features.

Ted's got a lead on rare white truffles
in Tuscany. We need you.

- Okay, so, uh, what do you want me to do?
- It's all on my desk. Just start.

Uh...

GOSSIP GIRL: Painting it black
has nothing on the trouble...

...one piece of purple paper can cause.

Hey, sorry again about,
uh, spilling the cider.

Ice skating was worth it.

Plus, I got to cancel my day...

...and continue my adventure
of things I've never done.

- Like nothing at 2 in the afternoon.
- Heh.

What would you be doing
if I wasn't here?

- Probably just studying.
- What subjects?

Well, I might be playing
a little "Black Ops" first. Yeah.

Would you be doing this too?

It does make me a better soldier.

- Another thing I've never tried.
- Seriously?

- That wasn't peer pressure, by the way...
- Will you light me up?

You know who gets really,
really good weed?

Chuck.

This really is a day of firsts.

[CHUCKLES]

RUSSELL:
To old friends and new beginnings.

Nothing would make me happier.

I hope you know I never meant for you
to become collateral damage...

...in this acquisition.

Oh, of course. I remember
how important it was for you...

...to keep your personal life
and business separate.

You always understood me.

GUARD:
Hey, how was your weekend?

RUSSELL:
I have a soft spot...

...for that bar in the Peninsula Hotel,
heh.

We did have
some memorable moments.

I don't wanna cross any lines
that you don't wanna cross, Lily.

I'll be happy if we can move forward,
even if just as friends.

Maybe we could just get
one more glass of wine.

I never really knew how you felt
about me choosing Bart.

If I was important to you
or just amusing.

RUSSELL: You and Rufus
seem to have a good thing going.

Yes, well, that is just a show.

After we lost
the first Bass Industries buyer...

...I couldn't risk the rumors
of more family trouble.

Look what the Dodgers
are going through.

Exactly. But, luckily, the situation
will be over once your bid goes through.

Right now, I'm just grateful that
Rufus doesn't come home very often.

Maybe Husband Number 6
will be the charm.

[PHONE BEEPING]

Oh, I can't believe what time it is.
I have to get home...

...to Eric's 18th birthday party.

Thank you for such a lovely afternoon.

- I hope it's not our last.
- Me too.

BLAIR:
Please note which are the Cossacks...

...and which will play the czars.
Thank you.

Bryn Harold is friends
with Lily Humphrey.

She'll be at Eric's party.
I have the information.

Well done, new minion.
Make sure my r?sum? is up-to-date.

She doesn't take applications.

She just invites people who impress her
and aren't still in college.

Well, as you can probably tell,
I'm not a typical college student.

I'm a self-actualized,
mature-beyond-her-years...

...yet, still youthful
and dewy working woman.

- Bryn Harold will be impressed.
PENELOPE: Mm-hm.

- Those aren't tulips.
- Why would I buy Eric tulips?

- I left you a message.
- I didn't get it.

I took you off gift duty
and put you on sticky note.

- What sticky note?
- The one that I said I left...

...on my computer screen.

[BLAIR SCOFFS]

It was right here.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Oh.

Hey, is everything okay?

You have a visitor.
Says her name is Vanessa.

Tell him I came to apologize.
I'm happy to wait till he gets back.

- She says that...
DAN: Yeah, I heard.

Tell her I got all of her texts and letters
and will be in touch when I'm ready.

He says... Do I have to say that?
Shouldn't you just talk to her yourself?

No, no, no. Giving her the message
myself would defeat the entire purpose.

I'm really busy right now.
I'm delivering like a hundred tulips.

A hundred tulips.

Got it.

Hey, is anyone waiting
for a tulip delivery?

Why on earth did you get them?

Uh, to help Blair.

- These are purple.
- Oh, and plant-y.

- Why are you so interested in tulips?
- At least no one will get arrested.

Except Mom, when Damien finds out
we don't have his coke.

Okay, will somebody tell me
what's going on?

GOSSIP GIRL: Poor E, only 18 and
already welcoming all the makings...

...of anyone's
19th nervous breakdown.

[CHATTERING]

- What were you thinking?
- That I would arrive at this party...

...and be greeted appropriately.

You admitted you needed me
so you could make me your mule.

That sticky note was meant
for Penelope.

[SCOFFS]

Frankly, with her attitude,
she could use some time behind bars.

No "Sorry I could have
gotten you arrested"?

Well, you're here. The party's lovely.
Everything obviously turned out fine.

SERENA: Except that you sent Dan
to get the wrong flowers.

The tulips with the coke were pink.

And I wrote that down.

- Heh, this one's on you, Humphrey.
- You wrote "purple."

Classic Stroop effect.

Where you write or say a color that
you see instead of the one you mean.

You're not the only one who knows
his neuro dysfunction.

[ERIC SIGHS]

- Happy birthday.
- Yeah, right. Damien just called.

Turns out he pre-sold the coke
and is therefore on his way...

...to pick up the $100,000
he says I now owe him.

That's insane. Nobody has
that kind of money, do they?

ERIC: Not on them, but we need it now
or he's gonna out Mom here tonight.

It's your 18th birthday, the checkbook
to your Rhodes trust fund...

...is somewhere in that pile of presents.

Okay. All right, let's get unwrapping.

You're thinking Stroop is one
of the symptoms of chronic fatigue...

...but I'm not even tired.

Turns out Russell's financial backer is
a guy named Bradley Kidd from Atlanta.

He owns a lot of property down South,
nothing marquee.

Bass would be a huge move,
it's something he's capable of making.

- How do we convince him not to?
- Because the Captain was right.

Thorpe ran a bunch
of financial scenarios for Kidd...

...but nothing involved
keeping Bass Industries intact.

- Would Kidd consider backing us?
- That's why I invited him tonight.

To convince him it's a better move,
or to get him to break his deal.

- Good spying.
- Heh, thank you.

I kind of like this double-agent thing
you have going on.

- You do?
RUFUS: Mm-hm.

[KESHA'S "TIK TOK" PLAYING]

LILY:
Hmm.

RAINA:
You gotta move.

NATE: I'm trying.
RAINA: Ha, ha.

NATE: Arm twist.
- There you go.

Okay, finally.

Finally, a sport I can beat you in.

Oh, come on. No.
First of all, this isn't even a sport.

Second of all, gloat all you want to...

...just don't tell anybody
I danced to "Tik Tok."

I wouldn't call that dancing.

What? Hey. Hey,
at least I'm a good loser, okay?

You threw your racquet so hard
you almost broke the TV...

...when I beat you at the tennis game.
- This will make up for it.

- Mm. That's awesome.
- Mm-hm.

We need to call Ben and Jerry.

No. We should start our own company.

- Yes.
- Hmm.

That was my dream when I was 5.

- Don't tell my dad.
- Mm. I won't.

This is really fun.

[CHUCKLES]

[PHONE RINGING]

- Hey.
- Where have you been?

I need you to bring Raina
to Eric's party.

Sorry, man, the music was really loud.

Music?

Never mind. Change of plan.
Keep her there until I call back.

Bye.

You know who loves ice cream?

Chuck. He loves it.

Hmm. Nate, I know
what you've been trying to do all day.

- You do?
- Mm-hm.

[GRUNTS]

I hate professional gift wrapping.

What are you doing?

Do you realize how gauche it is
to open gifts at a party before dessert?

I was just excited to have a new addition
to my stock portfolio.

Well, at least make a list
for thank-you notes.

I'm on hold with the flower market.

You've already done enough
by getting me this, uh, salad bowl?

It's Baccarat. And it's for my mother.

Which means that your Larry Clark print
is on its way to her. Penelope.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Keep going. I'll be right back.
- Yeah.

Great party.

[SIGHS]

Happy birthday.

- I guess you're not here to celebrate.
- I just saw Damien go up.

And I know you sent Dan
to get the drugs.

The Dan part was a mistake,
but I did ask Blair to help.

I thought you agreed no one else
should get hurt to protect your mother.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

[SERENA SIGHS]

I'm not okay with what she did either,
but it doesn't mean I wanna destroy her.

- Are you saying you choose Lily?
- You chose for me...

...by turning to ice
every time I mention her.

I'm sorry,
I have to go help my brother now.

Bryn, I am so glad you could come.

Rufus and I are really enjoying
the season.

If you'll excuse me.

- Mrs. Harold?
- Oh.

Hi. I'm Blair Waldorf.
It's such a pleasure to meet you.

Russell, what a surprise, uh,
what are you doing here?

Well, I figure he only turns 18 once.

I don't think it's a good idea
for you to stay.

Rufus decided to make an appearance.

- I promise I won't draw attention.
- Mm.

I'm just a business associate...

...and old family friend,
stopping by with a gift.

Well, I suppose I can't argue with that.

You do look exceptionally lovely.

Lily, what the hell is going on?

- Nice to see you again.
- You think I'm a fool?

I know what went on between you two,
and it looks like it's still going.

Please. This is not the time.

You're the one who invited him
to Eric's 18th birthday.

I was just leaving.

You know, some men know how
to behave appropriately at social events.

Ahem, Russell, I'm so sorry.
I'll call you later.

You're not so bad
at that double-agent thing yourself.

Think he bought it?

With my W blog, I'm imprinting
proper etiquette and fashion sense...

...as well as my philanthropic mandate
on a new generation, like you did.

You do realize you're wearing
two different shoes?

By the way, um,
have you seen Chuck Bass?

I heard he's dating Raina Thorpe
and I'd love an introduction.

No, I haven't seen either of them.

Brad, what are you doing here?

Russell. Didn't expect to see you.

Looking for me.

- Mr. Kidd, Chuck Bass.
BRADLEY: Hmm.

CHUCK:
Thanks for coming.

I think I'll stay too.

Uh, that's "Dalgaard."
Two A's after the G.

- Why are you doing this?
- Angry cokeheads.

My father cut me off,
I have to pay them back somehow.

Make sure you don't
leave out any zeros.

Fine, but then that's the end of it.

A hundred thousand dollars?
Eric, what is the meaning of this?

GOSSIP GIRL: I hear a storm is
threatening someone's very life today.

Let's hope they find some shelter
and it's not behind bars.

[CHATTERING]

A hundred thousand dollars
worth of drugs?

- You promised you were done with this.
- Mom, it's not what it looks like.

It seems like you
van der Woodsen-Humphreys...

...have a lot of discussing to do,
so I'm gonna go get a cocktail...

...maybe some mac and cheese.
You know your options.

RUSSELL:
Let me guess.

You and Lily are all made up and she
and Rufus are quite happily married.

I don't meddle
in my stepmother's affairs.

Or in your case, a lack thereof.

Chuck is trying to manipulate you
to pull your backing.

You don't want anyone to know...

...it doesn't make financial sense
to rip Bass Industries apart.

You're upset because you lost
your daddy's company.

We understand. It's very sad,
but it's time to get over it.

I'm sorry he dragged you into this.
Let me buy you a real dinner.

I think I'll stay
and hear young Mr. Bass out.

The only thing I hate more
than being lied to is being cheated.

You're making a mistake.

What are you doing?
This is Serena's brother's birthday party.

- It's not okay for you to just show up.
- I want to apologize for what happened.

I had no idea that was Juliet's plan.

You know me, I would never be okay
with things going that far.

That's what my sister said
before she came clean.

You, on the other hand,
pointed the finger at her and left town.

Wow.

I guess I can never come back.
Not even with you.

- I'm not gonna chase after you.
- And I wouldn't stop for you if you did.

Juliet's right, what she said.

I'm an outsider around here,
and always will be.

I'm relieved you're not gonna overdose,
but you should've come to me.

I just... I didn't wanna worry you.
I wanted to fix my mistake.

The only mistake was mine...

...when I forged Serena's signature.

Wow, that's the first time
you've admitted it was wrong.

Well, it seemed right at the time,
but I know it wasn't.

And as much as I appreciate
you both trying to protect me...

...I can't allow anyone else
to pay for what I did.

Hey.

Can't a person have some privacy
to make a phone call?

Where's your phone?
I just wanted to tell you, you were right.

I was hanging out at W to avoid
being at the loft with Ben and Serena.

That's your big revelation?

[SCOFFS]

I think you've actually gotten less smart
since high school.

- Oh, right, you go to NYU.
- I'm smart enough to see...

...your race to greatness has, uh,
come down to a competition with Raina.

That's ridiculous.
She's from the Midwest.

You're the one wearing
two different shoes.

Because of Dorota.

My problem isn't emotional,
it's administrative.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have delegation disasters to fix.

EMILY:
Penelope sent me for the bowl.

And Jessica said to tell you
you got an F on your essay.

I guess she showed up
at Professor Trudeau's class...

Trudeau teaches History,
not Art History.

Yeah, she figured that out, after.

- I really loved your blog though.
- The blog? What?

I completely forgot.

Well, all that stuff about servants
being like belts and purses...

...and overpriced and interchangeable,
it was really funny, heh.

Or mean.

Wait, was there something about
admitting you need help from friends?

"Friends are the fashion fundamentals."
See? You did write it.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, of course.

Who else could turn minions
into a metaphor?

Bye.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, well, well. If it's not my favorite
ex-con to run into in dark alleys.

If you ever use that information
about Lily, I'll have you killed.

That's a tad melodramatic,
don't you think?

Well, that's up for you to decide,
while you're walking around...

...wondering if that guy behind you
is the ex-con I got to do the job.

Those guys I had beat up
Howard Archibald...

...only stopped after 10 minutes
because I told them to.

It takes a hell of a lot less time
to kill a man.

I always knew you read
too much Shakespeare to be sane.

Bygones.

[SIGHS]

GOSSIP GIRL: Turns out what Ben did
while doing time, wasn't on his side.

Now Vanessa has him
under her thumb.

I appreciate you looking this over
so quickly.

I'll be in touch either way.

You still with Raina?
I'm ready for you to bring her over.

- Dude, it's not happening.
CHUCK: What do you mean?

NATE: I'm sorry, she figured out
what I was up to and split.

You should move on.
You can get any girl in New York.

Not to mention Europe, Australia,
and several parts of Asia.

I appreciate your efforts, Nathaniel.

No worries, man.

Sure you don't wanna give him
one more chance?

I told you, I've dated guys like Chuck
my whole life.

I think I'm done with business in bed
and portfolio pillow talk.

I want my day of firsts with you.

Then what else have you never done?

[CHUCKLES]

- Happy birthday.
- Fork, please.

[CHUCK SIGHS]

- No Raina?
- Not tonight.

At least I got to see Russell's face when
you accused him of sleeping with Lily.

Rufus did play the jealous husband
brilliantly.

SERENA:
So sad I missed all of this.

And did anyone else see Vanessa,
or am I having ether flashbacks?

Probably the latter, though I did
notice Blair wearing two different shoes.

- Hmm.
- Heh.

- And Ben.
SERENA: He came.

But then he turned right around
and left.

Are you so sure about that?

BEN:
Sorry to interrupt.

Damien won't be bothering you
anymore.

I made it clear
that I wouldn't cooperate.

Thank you, Benjamin.

- I can't believe you did that for her.
- I didn't. I did it for you.

I don't want anything to stand in the way
of us moving forward.

Me neither.

Maybe we should stay
and eat some cake.

Not yet.

Forgiveness isn't gonna happen
overnight, Serena.

I know. What matters is that
you made the first step.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Your friends-as-fashion metaphor was
well executed, but did not save my job.

- You got fired?
- Slash-quit.

Donna said they'd been watching me
for a while, hoping for the best.

But let's face it, I'm imploding.

[SIGHS]

- At least you got your name in the blog.
- I'm sorry, Blair.

I thought that if I could be
the Blair Waldorf that I want to be...

...a little sooner...

...that maybe I could return to Chuck
before he fell for someone else.

Well, you do know Raina
broke up with him?

Yes, in my head.

But in my heart
I feel further away than ever.

I mean, tonight he's thinking
about a different girl.

And meanwhile,
I lost my job, I failed a test.

I almost got my best friend's mother
arrested.

And I'm in Brooklyn talking about it
to Dan Humphrey.

Uh, well, I'm about to order some pizza,
if you wanna stay.

I think someone Freaky Friday'd me.
This can't possibly be my life.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, it is. What do you want?

Gourmet, I suppose.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Burning the midnight oil trying to put
the Bass Industries deal back together?

I'm sorry, have we met?

Damien Dalgaard. Fellow victim of the
Bass-van der Woodsen-Humphrey clan.

If you have $100,000
and promise to keep a secret...

...I have a little information
you might find useful.

GOSSIP GIRL: When you do
finally get what you want...

...the problem is, there's always someone
who's trying to take it away.

Blair's light's off.

I noticed.

GOSSIP GIRL: And all that wanting
makes us blind to the fact...

...that things aren't exactly
what we think they are.

[PHONE BUZZING]

You're the worst kind there is.
An intellectual snob.

GOSSIP GIRL: Maybe it's better
sometimes to just get what you need.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[English - US - SDH]