Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 4, Episode 15 - It-Girl Happened One Night - full transcript

GOSSIP GIRL: Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

... into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

ERIC:
I thought we were friends.

Damien ditched me. Strongest drug
I'm on is double macchiato.

I have decided to set my sights
on Bass Industries.

It's not just his disloyalty,
it's his pomposity.

- And the fact that you slept with him?
- That was a long time ago.

And it was fleeting.

You wanted an internship.
I wanted this one.

I stupidly thought
that this fake friendship might be real.

I suggested that you be promoted.
Blair, you wanted it all? You just got it.



I got a call from your friend Blair. So I've
decided to give you a second chance.

CHUCK:
You need to do what's right.

I want Chuck
to be part of the new company.

I don't need help
to run Bass Industries.

Yes, you do.

What about your family?
Us together drives them away?

I don't think it will,
but that's a risk I'm willing to take.

WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

... Gossip Girl.

GOSSIP GIRL:
It's cold out there.

But on the Upper East Side,
things are heating up.



Valentine's Day is around the corner.

[SIGHS]

Please don't tell me
you're leaving already.

Between classes at Columbia,
your job at W...

...the only proof I have you exist is
the faint trace of Chanel in the morning.

I'm so sorry, S. But if I can turn
this into a permanent job...

...it'll knock six months
off my two-year plan.

You're not burying yourself in work
to avoid thinking about tomorrow?

Tomorrow? I don't even know
what day today is.

Last year, Chuck and I honored
Valentine's Day...

...by staging our very own bacchanal.

And no, there were no goats, if that's
the look that fluttered across your face.

But this year I'm sitting out V Day.

Focus on my career. As is Chuck with
his fake relationship with Raina Thorpe.

I thought you told her
that Chuck's feelings were real.

He needed to get in her good graces
and I knew exactly how to get him there.

Chuck and I may need some time
to forge our own paths...

...before we risk romantic rejoining,
but we're still there for each other.

And what about you and Ben?
Must be very special for him...

...spending Valentine's Day
with someone other than his celly.

We decided to sit it out too. We just
started dating, it's too much pressure.

Hey, why don't you and I
have a friends Valentine's Day?

Manis, macaroons, massages?

Ugh, that sounds amazing. I'll let you know.
But if the two-year plan wins out...

...will you be okay?

I'll be fine.

[SIGHS]

I'm glad you agreed to this brunch
with Chuck and Lily.

It shows good faith on their part.

I mean, we came in with guns blazing,
they responded with an olive branch.

More like olive bread.

I agreed to a meal, Raina. That's it.

I don't trust the Basses.

- They don't operate like we do.
- They're a family just like us.

The Lily I remember didn't have
a maternal bone in her body.

Family was just about money
and power.

I hope hosting this brunch
proves to you...

...I have the company's best interest
at heart.

And also elegantly forces the enemy
to come to you.

Yes. Sun Tzu is right beside Emily Post
on my bookshelf.

Charles, don't let your feelings for Raina
affect your judgment.

We have to be careful of the Thorpes.
Believe me.

Don't worry.
I'm not banking on their sympathy.

Welcome.

So is anyone hungry?

How's the job search going?

[SIGHS]

Having to check the "have you
ever committed a felony" box...

...really limits my options, heh.

But yours seem to be improving.

I'm sorry if I overstepped,
the article was just sitting there.

Being single while living
with the guy seeing your ex.

- Really nailed the awkwardness.
- Yeah, well, it's very fresh.

[BEN SIGHS]

Good thing Serena and I decided
not to do anything for Valentine's.

Can't afford to take her out anyway.

Well, you already read how awkward
I feel about this, but, um...

...with me, she was happy
to just play pool, drink beer.

Right now I couldn't even afford
to do that.

Uh, well, you know what?
I used to work for a catering company.

They could always use an extra hand.
I can make a call.

And no offense,
but judging from my past coworkers...

...I think they have a "don't ask,
don't tell" policy regarding felons.

Thanks. I appreciate that.

Uh, and you, what's next for the article?

Uh, well, I e-mailed
my Cond? Nast contact, Epperly.

Got an autoresponse saying she doesn't
work there, so I gotta Facebook her.

I don't know about the cater-waiter me,
but the teacher me thinks...

...maybe you should find out
who the new Epperly is.

And give her the article in person.

Hmm. The new Epperly.
I hadn't thought about that.

DONNA:
As part of W's online expansion...

...Stefano wants to kick off
a new feature: Bright Young Thing.

We'll follow an "it" girl
one night a month...

...as she navigates
the Manhattan social scene.

Our inaugural "it" girl
needs to be special.

As should her Valentine's Day plans.

Blair. You're friends
with Serena van der Woodsen?

Yes. Well, Serena definitely is "it," but
what if there was someone fabulous...

...that we could break ourselves.

Someone like Raina Thorpe.

Daughter of Russell.

I like it. Keep going.

She's typically shunned publicity,
which makes her an even bigger get.

So if I could come through...

I'd recommend Stefano consider
your trial period over.

I'll have her by lunch.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hey.
BLAIR: How well do you know Raina Thorpe?

Um, not at all?

- Do you know where she is right now?
- I'm guessing you do.

At your house.

SERENA: Where my mother lives.
No way. We're at war.

- And why are you asking anyway?
- Because I need to do a story on Raina...

...for the magazine tomorrow night.
- Okay, why don't you ask her?

Doesn't she owe you a favor?

Yes, but she's not answering her phone
and I can't leave the office.

Uh, besides, it's better this way.
Just two "it" girls talking.

- Explain you'll do the profile yourself.
SERENA: Right.

Because this is all really just
a favor to me...

...and not a convoluted way for you
to keep your eye on Raina and Chuck?

Hmm. I hadn't thought of that. Thank you.

[SIGHS]

Lily, everything was delicious.
Especially the eggs.

[CHUCKLES]

Spanish tortilla.
That's perfect after a late night...

...or breakfast in bed
after too much Rioja...

Thank you, Russell.

Um, here in America,
we call it a frittata.

[LAUGHS]

Did I just hear your dad laugh?

- Told you this would work.
- I'm going in.

- Okay.
CHUCK: Mr. Thorpe.

We're all very grateful that we have
found a buyer for Bass Industries...

...that we can all approve of.

Though it may be your instinct to keep
the company under the Thorpe umbrella...

...that might be a mistake.

The Bass name has equity.

I'd like the chance to prove that
all in one night. Tomorrow to be exact.

I've leased a landmark mansion
outside the city. It's a destination.

Travel to get there,
reservations are made before.

And what do people get
when they arrive?

Imagine you're at a club.

Forget the year, the continent.

You don't want the night to end.
In this case, it doesn't have to.

When the time is right,
you drift upstairs to a private room.

Spend the night or just a few hours,
it's up to you.

But, uh, what makes you think
people will show up?

Sounds like you need a big
marketing push just to get the word out.

No marketing.

I say where and when,
people show up.

If I can prove to you the Bass brand
has a quantifiable worth...

...will you look at my business plan?

It shows how you can keep
the company together...

...under the Bass name
with my involvement.

I'll put a pin in my current plans
for 36 hours.

If this thing you've planned succeeds,
we'll talk.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

You nailed it.
I'll see you at the hotel, Dad.

Serena, we weren't expecting you.

I'm here to see Raina.

Hey, we haven't officially met, but our
mutual friend Blair wants to talk to you.

- She'll explain everything.
- Uh...

Blair has to follow a socialite around
on Valentine's Day. For work.

She figured you wouldn't mind since
Raina is, you know...

I know what?

Oh. Blair was wrong.
You do have feelings for Raina.

I do.

I have something spectacular planned
for tomorrow night.

GOSSIP GIRL: Uh-oh.
B's in for a shock when she finds out...

... what she thought was as fake as a CZ...

... is actually as real as Harry Winston.

Oh, my gosh. Heh, all the shoppers
on Madison are so stressed.

It's like the entire future
of humanity lies in the balance.

"Should I get him boxers or cologne?"

"Are red roses clich??" "If I hide the ring
in her food will she choke?"

Heh, I'm so happy
we're sidestepping Valentine's.

You sure? It's not very romantic.

Speak for yourself.
I have a hot date with my Blu-ray player.

- What about you? What are you doing?
- Believe it or not, I am working.

Really? Ben, that's great. Where?

- Uh, it's nothing big, but it's a start.
- Oh, let me guess.

Uh, at a publishing house?
Tutoring service?

Um, you're doing research for a professor?
You'd be so good at that.

Uh, eh, how'd you know?

So which one is it?

- Tutoring.
- Well, all you have to do...

...is get one kid into an Ivy.
Your phone'll be ringing off the hook.

I have to go, but I'll see you on
the 15th when all this craziness is over.

- Happy tutoring.
- Thanks. Uh, I'll talk to you later.

[SIGHS]

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Hey, there you are.
Listen, we need to talk to you.

Not now, Archibalds. Russell bit.

My party needs to be legendary...

...if I'm going to secure my place
after the takeover.

Forget it. Whatever Russell Thorpe
promised you is a lie.

Heh, I think I'll take my advice
from someone not interested...

...in grinding an ax across my knuckles,
if you don't mind.

After you tried to get me fired, I realized
your actions weren't unwarranted.

So I asked to be taken off
of all Bass business and Thorpe agreed.

But this morning, I was copied
on a report I shouldn't have been.

Breakdown of how Russell's gonna sell
your company, who he's selling them to.

Your intel's stale.
We brokered a deal at brunch.

Russell promised to postpone
those meetings.

Just confirmed one an hour ago.

And something else.
I dug around Accounting.

Bass Industries is more profitable
kept whole.

So why is Thorpe determined
to slice it up?

Russell didn't become a billionaire
by making money-Iosing decisions.

Look, you told me he had issues
with Bart, right?

Maybe it isn't a business decision,
maybe it's personal.

So you sound pretty excited
about tomorrow.

Like maybe it's not just another night
of hanging out with Chuck...

...business as usual?

I guess that's true.
At first, it was purely for the sex.

- Oh, that's just Chuck.
- No, I meant me.

Chuck was trying to get me
to help him with my father.

Was. But now?

Things have gotten kind of serious.

I wanna find an amazing dress
and totally take his breath away.

Oh, well, that does sound serious.

So how about a little help?
It's overwhelming.

The secret about these places is that
they keep the best stuff in the back...

...which is why I called ahead.

[RAINA CHUCKLES]

[SERENA CHUCKLES]

What do you think?

Oh, wow.

That's the one. Our work here is done.

No need to try this one even though I
love the detail. I actually love this dress.

- Try it on. You can wear it to the club.
- Oh, no.

I wish, but I have other plans.

Something's better
than a Chuck Bass party?

If Serena van der Woodsen
isn't going...

...maybe he was exaggerating
the value of his so-called brand.

No, it's not that.

It's just I'm in a new relationship
and we're trying to keep things simple.

But you know how it is.

- Yeah.
SERENA: Speaking of...

...are you sure it's a good idea for you
and Chuck to be doing this thing for W?

I normally pass on all publicity,
but Blair asked me, so I couldn't say no.

I know how important she is to Chuck.

And she knows how important
I am to him, too, obviously.

So I'm glad there's
no weirdness there.

Well, actually,
there may be some weirdness.

Blair still has feelings for Chuck.

So if she follows you around
on Valentine's Day she's gonna be hurt.

And if she finds out I ever told you this,
I'll be hurt.

I hope my best friend
would do the same for me.

Your secret's safe.

I do hate to cancel last minute, though.

Well, I'm sure she'll understand.

Besides, before W gave her
this assignment...

...she wanted to spend Valentine's Day
with me, anyway. So, heh...

Waldorf. Where's the new Epperly?

You're looking at her.

Oh, God. What'd you do to her?

She's in a better place.

She's in Bali doing downward dogs
with some British wally named Prat.

Or is prat named Wally.
In any case, she quit.

Great. My only contact at Cond? Nast
has been replaced by a stapler stealer.

And I will staple whatever's
in your sweaty hand to your jeans...

...if you don't leave this instant.

An article.
Epperly said she'd get it to Details.

I'm assuming you can do the same.
I did kind of get this job for you.

Only after you got me fired.
How many times must I repeat myself?

We are not friends. Just because
we went to go see a movie...

...or five, together, does not mean
that I'll go out on a limb for you.

Okay. Well, how about I just
drop it in your inbox...?

As you can see...

...I don't have time
to read faux-ticles by wannabe writers.

Blair. Please.

I'll apply for an internship, get in the
ring. Remember our wrestling match?

How about you apply yourself
to a job more within your breeding?

Isn't there a bat mitzvah girl somewhere
in need of a Shirley Temple?

I gave cater-waiter to Ben. He's doing
Martha Stewart's Valentine's party.

[PHONE RINGS]

Raina, hi. I have those
advanced questions like you asked.

Where should I fax them?

I'm really sorry, Blair, but I'm not
gonna be able to do the profile.

What? Why?

RAINA:
I should've never agreed to do a social piece.

I just think it's not a good idea.

[SIGHS]

Guess you'll have time
to read my article now.

[PHONE RINGING]

Chuck. Hello.

CHUCK [OVER PHONE]:
Hey. I was just wondering...

...do you actually know
why your father hates mine?

I always assumed it was a business deal
gone bad...

...but maybe there's more to it.

I don't think so. My dad's too much
of a gentleman to hold a grudge.

And honestly, I don't even know
how serious they were. Either of them.

I was at Penn at the time.

Why? What did Lily say?

- Lily? Say about what?
- You don't know?

She and my dad used to date.
She left him for your father.

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like this was one love
letter Lily didn't want anyone else to read.

ERIC: Thanks for meeting me.
- I'm surprised Dad and Lily...

...let you out of the house.

Uh, well, it might have something to do
with my volunteering...

...or, uh, voluntary, drug testing.
The schnitzel's on me.

- I'm sorry about lying last week.
- Thanks. Have you heard from Damien?

Uh, no. Uh, knowing the ambassador,
after you told him Damien was dealing...

...I'm sure he was exiled
to some very cold, distant country.

You know who else I haven't heard
from, though, is, uh... Is Jonathan.

I knew he probably didn't wanna
talk to me again...

...but I thought he'd at least return
my call and tell me.

Well, leaving a message for someone
isn't very romantic.

Have you thought
about doing something big for him?

- Like what?
- Like inviting him to Chuck's event.

Uh, I am not going to Chuck's event.

I have a hot date
with a vehicle filled with hot meals.

I'd feel sorry, except I'm delivering
food to people too sick to cook.

- Well, hey, at least it'll be original.
- Jonathan was never one for clich?s.

So make the play, man.
Go out in a blaze of glory, or at least...

...a double-parked panel van.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, I should take my own advice.

Why? Who do you wanna spend
Valentine's with?

Blair.

No, it's not...
No, no, no. It's not like that. It's, uh... I...

- I need her help with something.
- You could be waiting a long time.

You're right. Which is why
I'm gonna find her at the party tonight.

May both our fortunes
change for the better.

Can I interest you in some Nucky?

I snuck out of work
to catch up on Boardwalk Empire.

I need a primer in how to do business
with Chicago. Raina won't recommit.

I didn't realize the profile
was that big of a deal.

She seemed so into it at first.
I need to find out why she backed out.

If the profile isn't happening, we can do
that friends Valentine's like I suggested.

Well, I'd hate to have nothing planned.
But first...

Ben is prison poor.

Who is showering you
with gifts on Valentine's?

Just my mom.

She was glad that I came by.
Thank you for sending me.

I'm gonna go call the masseuse.

This won't take long, Russell.
I know you're a busy man.

- Good.
- I believe there's something...

...standing in the way
of Bass Industries' survival.

Something of a personal matter.

To what exactly are you referring?

I know Lily broke your heart.

She broke my father's heart too.

I wanna be clear.
My loyalty is with the Bass name only.

It's a lovely sentiment.
But what does it mean?

I'll do whatever it takes to stay
in the company.

If Lily is an obstacle, I'll handle it.

Heh, saying it is one thing, Chuck.

Following through
is an entirely different matter.

The woman adopted you
after your father died.

She's the only family you have.

Holmberg? Chuck Bass.

Gather the board.

It's been brought to my attention
that Lily failed to disclose...

...a significant conflict of interest
with Thorpe Enterprises.

It needs to be handled immediately.

I'll explain when I'm back.

Yet again, I'm impressed.

Stay the course...

...and I see no reason to believe
that you and your legacy...

...won't be well taken care of
when this sale goes through.

Thank you, sir.

BLAIR: Hey.
- Aren't you a little over-dressed...

...for hot stones?
- Donna called. She needs me at work.

No, this is terrible.
The masseuse is already on her way.

I was looking forward
to spending time with you.

- You have no idea how much.
- S, cancel the masseuse...

...and go to Chuck's.
No one should be alone tonight.

And it would mean a lot to him
to have you there.

Not because you're an "it" girl.
He considers you family.

Well, I told Ben that I was staying in,
but he's tutoring, so he won't mind.

Tutoring? Are you sure?

Don't make fun. He was so nervous,
he didn't even wanna tell me.

- I think it's noble.
- Of course you do.

And you should. Tutoring is great.

Now, go put on your sexiest dress
and treat yourself to a night out.

[LAUGHS]

Thank you for saving me
from a Valentine's...

...more depressing than the movie
about it I was gonna watch.

Can we please have friend time after?

I think it'll be too late for that.

I'm sorry, but Love Actually and the
Jacques Torres fondue will have to wait.

I just got off the phone
with Pete Holmberg.

There was an emergency meeting
of the Bass Board.

I'm being accused of an ethics violation
and conflict of interest.

Don't let Thorpe get away with that.

It wasn't Thorpe, it was Charles.

He had me removed from the board
immediately.

What are you gonna do?

Ugh, I don't know what deal
he cut with Thorpe...

...but it is not the way to win.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Yes, hello. I'm calling
on behalf of Chuck Bass.

His friend Dan Humphrey
sent over a new employee today?

Ben Donovan?

Mr. Bass wants to be sure that
Ben is only working his event tonight...

...and nowhere else.
Can you see to it?

Thank you so much.

[SIGHS]

Twenty five hundred bucks a head
and it's filled to capacity.

- This place is a gold mine.
- I know how to tap a vein.

Days ago this was pillow talk.

Look at the ways you inspire me.

You're the one who pulled it off.

No one's gonna forget tonight.

Get some B-roll of the food and drink.
And be discreet, we are not TMZ.

- Humphrey, what are you doing here?
- Stalking you, actually.

- You didn't read my article?
- I don't need to.

I know what it's about.

A boy from Brooklyn and an
untouchable Upper East Side blond.

- Well, uh, as a matter of fact...
- I work at W now.

I'm an arbiter of taste.

If I were to stand behind
some lame lamentation...

...then it'd be like showing up
at an accessories shoot in Crocs.

How do you know it's lame?

Maybe I've matured as a writer.
Maybe you matured as a person...

...and could help someone who needs it
because it's the right thing?

If you'll excuse me,
I have a Valentine's vendetta to exact.

Where the hell is my crew?

There she is. Start rolling.

SERENA:
What the hell are you doing?

- I thought you were working all night?
- I am.

W sent me here with a cameraman
to get good stuff for the blog.

If I go back with only footage
of Amanda Lepore and Ed Burns...

...then my two-year plan
might as well become 20.

Ugh. Okay, fine. They can interview me.
But tell them to keep it brief.

Thank you, thank you. And it will
be over before you know it.

Could we get some
light over here please?

Lily. Looking beautiful, as always.

Oh, spare me the niceties, Russell.
I'm here to speak to Charles.

Uh, he's off with Raina somewhere.

You know, they're a wonderful couple,
don't you think?

What I think is that whatever it is
you're up to...

...appears to be working and my son
should know that. Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt,
but, uh, we need to have a little talk.

- You realize you're the worst wingman.
HOWIE: Maybe so...

...but I hope you see
I'm trying to be a good father.

I came here tonight to find Russell.
Say hello.

And hand in my resignation.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Since I kept you from your trip to Venice
I thought I'd bring Venice to you.

How did you know?

I saw your calendar.

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Your favorites from Harry's Bar.

[LAUGHS]

I can't believe you did this for me.

When I care about someone,
I'm not afraid to show it.

[LILY SIGHS]

Hello, Daniel. Have you seen Charles?

And any resort plans this season?

Uh, Mustique maybe?
I haven't thought about it.

- Shoe of the moment.
- Uh, Louboutin, Bianca.

Are we almost done?

Have you asked her
who her Valentine is?

We were instructed to ask everyone.

Uh, I'm not gonna answer that.
I like to keep my private life, private.

But you do have a special someone.
Ben Donovan.

He's standing at the bar, right now.
Make that, behind it.

Don't be embarrassed, S.
It's okay to date below the line.

Madonna and Julia Roberts
paved the way for girls like you.

- So much for the quiet night at home.
- And I thought you were tutoring.

I wasn't.
I just didn't know how to tell you.

Tell me what?

You go, Serena. Give that convict
a chance to explain himself.

Before Ben was serving drinks,
he served three years hard time.

In fact, he's been
out on parole for a month?

Ben, please wait.

I think we've seen
enough of each other tonight.

[SIGHS]

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

[LILY SIGHS]

Lily? How dare you just barge in here.

This place is supposed to be my fantasy.
All I wish for is the truth.

- Why did you have me fired?
CHUCK: You should've told me...

...about your relationship with Russell.
- Why didn't you ask me about it?

It has no bearing on my performance
at Bass Industries.

How can you be sure? Maybe your
emotion's clouded your judgment.

It wouldn't be the first time.

What? We both know you're a socialite,
not a businesswoman.

You traded musicians
for titans of industry.

Upgraded from a tour bus
to a corporate jet.

I'm sorry, but I had to.

I've done nothing but try to salvage
that company for you.

I stepped in
so Jack wouldn't take it away...

...and every day since,
I have fought for your future.

If we had stuck together on this,
we would've won.

- It looks like I did anyway.
- No, you haven't, Charles. You've lost.

I'm not talking about your battle
with Thorpe.

Please. That adoption was as much
a business decision as this.

- Chuck. That's enough.
- Wait, where are you going?

Anywhere but here.

You almost cost me my company,
you better not have cost me Raina.

Whatever price you pay
for what you've done, that's on you.

I see you're a man of your word.

I said I'd get rid of Lily, I did.

- Too bad words are overrated.
- What?

Now that Lily's been ousted
from the board, it's just you and me.

And as much as I like you...

...I think I'll like dismantling
Bass Industries a lot more.

Now you have no company. No family.

And from what I just saw,
my daughter's lost her taste as well.

Great party, by the way.

Think Raina'll keep you on that pedestal
when she learns what you've done?

Go find out.

I think you know
how much family means to Raina.

Just as she now knows
how little it means to you.

GOSSIP GIRL:
One Ionely Bass adrift at sea.

Looks like Venice isn't the only thing
that's sinking.

SERENA:
Blair.

I can't believe you ambushed me.
And why, for a leg up at work?

Is your career really more important?

You don't think my career
is important at all...

...you forced Raina to back out so you
didn't have to be alone on Valentine's.

That's not why I did it. I had a reason.

You can't stand that I'm getting
successful while you're flailing around...

...with 15 hours of class and an ex con.
- That's not true.

I couldn't be more proud.
I wanted to protect you...

...from seeing
Chuck and Raina together.

For the last time, he's using her.
It's not real. It's just business.

- How come no one believes me?
- Blair...

Look, you know what? I'm gonna go
get him so he can tell you himself.

[SERENA SIGHS]

Russell.

Ha. Howard.

You're fired.

What? On what grounds? I was actually
coming over here to quit anyway...

RUSSELL:
You leaked a private document.

Granted, that's exactly
what I wanted you to do, but still...

...I can't have someone
around I don't trust.

Take care of yourself.

What just happened?

Blair.

I'm looking for Chuck.
What is this place?

Uh, he built it for Raina.

Oh. He's pretty serious about this game.

- I don't...
CHUCK: Raina, I just need five minutes.

Shh.

RAINA: I'm only here because I refuse
to make this anyone else's business.

Look, I'm sorry you had to witness
that scene with Lily.

I'm not the one you need to apologize
to. You went behind Lily's back.

You disrespected her.
Is this what you do?

Wonderful things for people
before you turn on them?

Look, you put family before all else,
I can't do that.

My father was never there for me,
my mother abandoned then betrayed me.

My uncle is my worst enemy.

But maybe your father
isn't as perfect as you think.

What are you saying?

He's the reason I went after Lily,
he pitted me against her.

So you're trying to turn me against him?

Destroy my relationship?
Nothing is sacred to you.

That's not true. You are sacred to me.

Until I do something you don't like
and you turn on me too.

Give me a chance to show you
that's not who I am. Please.

I'm sorry.

I've seen all I needed to see.

[DOOR OPENS]

GOSSIP GIRL: Rubies are red
Hydrangeas are blue

Chuck's given his heart away.

Wow, he's good.

GOSSIP GIRL: But guess what, Blair?
Not to you

Shut up, Humphrey.

[SIGHS]

Well...

...they're not Richart,
but they're all I could find at this hour.

I was gonna leave them
on your pillow.

Blair, please, it's been a long night.
I'm tired.

You were right.

Chuck and Raina are real.
Were real, anyway.

And I know that chocolates from Duane
Reade won't make it any better, but...

...ugh, I'm so sorry.

Well, maybe I made the wrong decision
in going to Raina first instead of you.

But I was worried about your heart,
not your job.

I knew you'd bounce back
stronger than ever at W.

You may be right.

Donna texted me. She said
your profile is gonna be amazing.

Well, I'm sorry if I'm not thrilled
you got an A-plus at Ben's expense.

After mentioning I had stumbled across
some incriminating Facebook photos...

...the interviewer wisely agreed
to redact the Ben part of the article.

I'm sure he'd appreciate that,
if he ever speaks to me again.

[PHONE RINGS]

[SERENA SIGHS]

You gonna be okay alone?

Not yet,
but I need to start learning to be.

Go have fun with your parolee.

[CHUCKLES]

[PHONE BEEPS]

Maybe it's a secret Valentine.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello.
- Why the hell would you do that?

This way I can initiate
a new round of pestering you.

But I already did. Yesterday.

I gave your article to a junior editor
at Vanity Fair, not Details.

I'm assuming that won't be a problem.

Wait, you submitted it without reading?

Of course I read it.
Heh, I have a reputation to uphold.

And you still put me
through the wringer?

[SIGHS]

It was good.

Um, I'm sorry, what'd you just say?

You heard me.

It was sharp and well-observed.

When it comes to experiencing an ex
with a new love, you have some insight.

Hmm. How are you doing with all that?

Ugh, just seeking refuge with the perfect
anti-Valentine's Day movie.

Rosemary's Baby.

What part? I'll watch with you.

Forgive me if I've memorized some of
Gordon's dialogue. Uh, okay, all of it.

[CHUCKLES]

It just started.

Lesson learned.

Wall Street didn't need a sequel.
In the theaters or my life.

Now I just have to find
something between manual labor...

...and high finance.

- Wish I'd been wrong about Thorpe.
- Wish I had a company I could put you in.

One good thing
I realized tonight...

...I still got game.

As soon as Russell fired me,
I had to turn over my key card.

So I gave him one.

To the gym at The Empire.

This is to Thorpe's office.

And this, all the passwords you need.

They change them weekly on Thursdays
so that should give you a good 48 hours.

[CHUCKLES]

- Good luck.
NATE: Way to go.

[HOWIE CHUCKLES]

GOSSIP GIRL: A Valentine can be
a red-hot weapon of revenge.

[CHATTERING]

GOSSIP GIRL:
Or a heartfelt apology.

Thanks for coming.

I should've told you I was waitering.
I should have owned it.

Well, I should've given you the chance
and not put words in your mouth.

Hey, it's still Valentine's Day
for another 10 minutes.

- Maybe we can share them together?
SERENA: Heh.

I made enough money tonight
to buy us some beers.

Sounds great except for the beer part.

It's Valentine's Day,
we should have champagne.

Have you heard of a Black Velvet?
That is champagne mixed with beer.

Uh, delicious. Or not.

Serena?

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

I just came over to thank you for saying
those nice things to us the other night.

Poor Terry, we thought maybe...

BLAIR: My point is,
paranoia can save your life.

She was supposed to know her husband
was gonna sell their firstborn?

The woman couldn't be more naive.
I mean, who eats unsolicited desserts?

Uh, point taken.

The mousse was creepy.

Do you know how many gloves
I've lost on the subway?

- Well, you do often seem cursed.
- I do, don't I?

GOSSIP GIRL: Or sometimes there's a way
to candy-coat the fact you're all alone.

I got more hugs tonight
from strangers...

...than my grandmother's doled out
in my entire life.

Which I guess is comforting,
but it's not exactly Valentine's Day.

No, but you still might get one.

A guy came by earlier
and asked for you.

Cute guy, brown hair?

He said you'd know who he was.
He's waiting around the corner.

- Have fun.
- Well, then I'm gonna...

...go and, uh... Heh.
- Yeah.

Jonathan?

- Miss me?
- I want nothing to do with you, Damien.

You think I wanted Dan and Nate
to rat me out to my own father?

Now, I'm under a microscope
and that is a big, big problem.

- Yeah, that's an occupational hazard.
DAMIEN: Listen to me.

You're not understanding what
I'm saying. It's also a problem for you.

Remember when you had that stuff on
your mind when we started hanging out?

What you told me?
About your mom and Ben?

Well, perjury is a felony.

And, well, Lily could be spending
a lot of time in jail if...

...say, I were to tell everybody.

Here's what we're gonna do...

GOSSIP GIRL: But whatever
your Valentine's Day brings...

... never forget that some years,
it's a massacre.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.