Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 3, Episode 12 - The Debarted - full transcript

GOSSIP GIRL: Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

...into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Bart's been in an accident.

My father turned his first profit
by the time he was 22.

I hope to do it by the time I'm 21.

GABRIELA: You're in love with her.
It's all over your face.

Blair told me you were responsible
for sabotaging me.

Tripp's divorcing Maureen.
We're going away.

- It is a huge mistake.
- You wanna talk to me about mistakes?

You don't get to judge me.

- Please don't get in the car.
- Serena, you coming?



WOMAN:
Where has she been?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

[OVER RADIO]
Dream, little girl

On lonely street

Little runaway girl

Do it again
Do it again

If you don't mind.

I do.

Serena, I can't stand this.

[SERENA SIGHS]

I love you.



Tripp, everything is ruined already.
It's too late.

Serena, it doesn't have to be.

Tripp!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

GOSSIP GIRL:
They say that there are no accidents.

Sometimes reality
comes crashing into us.

Other times it dawns on us slowly.

Despite our best efforts to ignore it.

Morning, I brought your favorite...
You're up.

- I haven't been sleeping well.
- I know.

Hence breakfast in bed. Which will
taste just as good in the living room.

I'm not hungry.

Stop trying to pretend, Chuck.
I know why you're upset.

Today is a day like any other.

In fact, I'm going to a meeting. Looking
at a property on the Lower East Side.

I can't be resting on my laurels.

The Empire's doing well.
It's time to look ahead.

Well, since I cancelled my day,
I'm now completely free.

So I'm coming with you.

[GRUNTING]

Hey. I thought you were getting ready
for that co-op meeting.

Oh, right. It slipped my mind.

Cleaning out the closet? I thought you
did that yesterday. And the day before.

Well, Vanya has organized
a clothing drive.

"Coats for Kiev."

Vanya's from Minsk.
Lil, none of this is making much sense.

This have something to do
with Serena?

The fact that she won't speak to me?
She's holed up...

...with some married politician
acting like some teenage Rielle Hunter?

Well, if it's this upsetting,
let's do something.

Where is she? Let's bring her back.

Would you represent us
at the co-op meeting today?

It's about the rooftop garden. You know
how strict those green people are...

...about attendance.
- Lf it'll help you out, I'm totally free.

I had a feeling you might say that.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, I'm sorry.

Look, I know our family's
going through a lot and I love...

...that you've made us your priority.

It's at Park Avenue Autumn.

TRIPP:
No, no. Of course, sir. I'm thrilled.

I'll be in touch with an answer.
Thanks again.

You've been avoiding work all week.

Who was important enough
to finally take the call?

- Barney Frank.
- Really?

He asked me to serve
on the finance subcommittee.

[GASPS]

That's so exciting.

Hey, maybe this'll all blow over.

Unfortunately, it has to blow up
before it blows over.

It's only a matter of time
before Maureen goes public.

And I can't hide out here forever.

Well, if being together means
everything'll fall apart, then so be it.

It'll be hard, but we'll figure it out.

- Even if that means starting over.
- Right.

Starting over.

Hey.

We'll get through this.

I'm gonna go into town
and get some supplies.

No, don't be too long.

BLAIR:
Um, this building is a homeless shelter.

A, gross, and B, really?

I'm not a huge advocate
of the downtrodden.

I am a fan of not stepping on them
when I'm at John Derian.

You turn these into lofts,
where are they gonna live?

I don't know. One step at a time.

[PHONE BEEPS]

The owner of the building
is waiting inside with the specs.

I'm sorry. Far be it from me to be overcome
with holiday spirit, but this Scrooge act?

You should be at home today.
Or laying flowers on your father's grave.

I know today
is the anniversary of his death.

CHUCK: Why don't you take the car?
Meet me at the hotel later for lunch.

- We'll have our quiet time then.
- Fine. Pretend like you never get sad.

And all you care about
is making more money.

But just so we're clear, I know better.

And you, Chuck Bass,
are not your father.

I know.

GOSSIP GIRL: We make our own fortunes
and then call them fate.

Hey. Can you meet me right now?

I think we should talk.

GOSSIP GIRL: And what better excuse
to choose a path...

... than to insist it's our destiny?

But at the end of the day,
we all have to live with our choices.

BART:
You did the right thing, son.

GOSSIP GIRL: No matter who's
looking over our shoulder.

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: An It Girl with an It Bag.

Looks like the roadie to success
is paved with cruel intentions.

- Can I hold the baby?
- Oh, it's beautiful.

I've never seen one in the flesh.

It's not in stores yet.
The waiting list is still waiting.

I guess it pays
to be Lily Bass' daughter.

Well, her name's Humphrey now. And
I got this through my own connections.

OMG, twins.

CARMEN: You have the same bag?
JANE: How'd you get that?

Great minds shop alike.

In the future, J,
we should probably coordinate.

I'll take Tuesday and Thursdays
and alternate Wednesdays?

How about you take yours
back to the store?

You know I have first dibs
on designer everything.

Sorry, my mom brought this back from
Paris. It had its own seat on the plane.

Since you love your new bag
more than your friends...

...I guess you can carry it.

Across the street. Enjoy being
BFF's with a hunk of leather.

So who wants to hold it first?

[BOTH SIGH]

- Okay, that was totally humiliating.
- That was kind of the point.

We wanna turn
Carmen and Jane against Jenny.

We've gotta make them see
she's the meanest queen.

Consider the mission a success. I had
to pinch myself to keep from crying.

I know it's hard,
but you have to stick with the plan.

And if the plan doesn't work?

If it does work
we'll make sure you end up queen.

You better. And in the meantime,
I'm keeping the bag.

You ready for phase two?

DAN:
Olivia called it.

I was too stupid or too stubborn
to realize she was right about Vanessa.

And now my window's closed.
She's all off into this Paul Hoffman guy.

Do you think if you went toe-to-toe
with Paul Hoffman...

...you couldn't take him?
You're using him as an excuse.

No. He's a handsome guy, a sophomore.
He and Vanessa have a lot in common.

He's a douche.
Listen, you have two options here.

You can man up, go to war,
and fight for the girl you love.

Or just forget her
and move on to a palate cleanser.

So my choices are emotional
vulnerability with a good friend...

...or meaningless sex with a stranger?

- Yeah, pretty much.
- All right.

[VANESSA AND WILLA LAUGHING
AND SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

- Hey.
DAN: Hey.

- Hi. We were just talking about you.
- Oh.

We're going to my country house,
and I wondered if you wanted to come.

- And there's a hot tub.
WILLA: It's kind of a writers' retreat.

And Paul's coming.

Oh, you know, that sounds so tempting,
but I think...

I got a lot of homework,
so I think I'm gonna stick around.

[WILLA SCOFFS]

- Okay, I'll call you when we get back.
- Okay, see you.

Dude, what was that?
You should totally go.

You can box Paul out of the hot tub
or get with Willa.

- Willa?
- Oh, yeah, she's so cute. Look at her.

And she's a drama major.
Actresses are crazy. Willa.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, you know what? Um...

...on second thought,
I'd love to go. Sounds fun.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Great. We're meeting
at the dorms tonight.

- Come find me.
- Will do.

You're welcome.

[CHATTERING]

- Looks like I won.
- Hi. I'm Rufus Humphrey. Lily's...

Husband. Hi, Holland Kemble.

We've been placing bets on
when you'd show up and I had today.

Huh.

Why? Did Bart used to come to these?

Nope. Not once.

But an attractive man like yourself
moves into the building.

Based on your comings and goings...

...it doesn't seem you have
a boardroom to run...

...or a hedge fund to manage.
We figured it was a matter of time.

I think you have the wrong idea.
I'm not some sort of trophy husband.

- My family's just in transition.
- It's okay.

We all sacrifice our independence for
love. At first it seems totally worth it.

Later, after you've given everything up,
you realize you have nothing to offer.

That's when your husband
starts banging his yoga teacher.

Sorry.

[RUFUS LAUGHS]

That was probably an overshare.

Uh, ladies and gentleman, let's begin.

- Hi.
WOMAN: Hi.

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

You said you were getting groceries.
Where are you?

Um, with my grandfather. He got wind
of what was going down and called.

- Honestly, I'm relieved to get his advice.
- I'm glad you're working things out.

But you left me here alone.

There's no coffee or cable.
I came to be with you.

TRIPP: I know,
and I so appreciate you being patient.

You're there for me a hundred percent,
and I'm the one who's a mess.

True.

SERENA:
But your life is pretty complicated.

And I knew
what I was getting myself into.

Thank you for understanding.

- I'll see you tonight.
- Wait, tonight?

Deep breath, Tripp.
If we handle this right...

...you'll be able to keep the career
you worked so hard for...

...and get the woman of your dreams.
And I'll still have my marriage.

Why are you okay with this?

We both share a dream
we're not willing to give up on.

I was hoping you'd come to
your senses, and now you have.

I do care about my career,
but not as much as I care about Serena.

I just wanna make sure
I'm being clear about that.

It's my personal opinion
that Serena is just a phase.

A few years from now, we'll look back
and all this will be a faded memory.

Well, that's where our opinions diverge.

I'm willing to take that chance.

I guess now we see if Serena's
willing to bet against you.

I'm thinking a personal appeal,
woman to woman.

BART:
I like what I saw today.

Seems like the right property
at the right time. You have the cash.

You should've signed at the site,
be moving forward by now.

There's just a few things
I need to figure out first.

Like the building's residents.

They're not your concern.
And if you want the write-off for '09...

...you need to be breaking ground
by the New Year, so...

Ho-ho-homeless.

No disrespect,
but I don't need your advice.

I've been doing pretty well
without you.

Oh, yeah. The Empire.

- Nice hotel.
- Thank you.

But to be honest, I haven't seen
anything in the last year...

...that suggests you have
what it takes.

If anything,
you've been a disappointment.

You opened your heart to Blair,
and it made you weak.

You cannot be one person at work
and another one at home.

If you're soft, you're soft.

And, well, let's face it, you're soft.

I love you too.

[GLASS THUDS]

SERENA:
Hey, I'm sorry to call.

I know you probably don't wanna hear
from me after Thanksgiving.

NATE [OVER PHONE]:
No. No, of course I do.

I've been thinking about you.
Just worried.

Is everything okay? Where's Tripp?

He's out. I'm at the cottage
and the heat died.

You've been here before,
so do you know how to restart it?

[LAUGHS]

You know, I've actually, um,
only been there over the summer.

I don't know how to help you.

Okay, heat is optional.

But please tell me
there's a microwave or Wi-Fi.

I'm starved and bored out of my mind.

Ever read The Old Man and The Sea?

I prefer Fitzgerald to Hemingway.

Yeah, I've never read it either,
but go look for it on the bookshelf.

It's blue with a yellow bookmark.

Oh, and the location
of your secret boyhood pot stash.

Heh, heh, heh.
Just don't tell Grandfather.

I hid it a couple summers ago
so it might be a little dusty.

But it's the best I can do
until Tripp gets back.

- Where is he?
- Actually, he's with your grandfather.

Getting advice on
the difficult days ahead.

- Nate?
- Yeah, just, um, stay warm...

...and if you need anything give me a buzz.
- Like a lighter?

[SERENA LAUGHS]

- Hey, I'm really glad we can still talk.
- Yeah, me too.

Bye.

MAUREEN:
Hello, Serena.

Maureen, you have no reason to be here.

Get out or I'll call Tripp.

Who do you think told me
you were here?

Tripp and I aren't getting divorced.

You can have him in private,
but I get him in public.

He keeps his career, I keep my pride
and position, and you get...

...whatever you're getting.
Screwed, I think they call it?

You're asking me
to be your husband's mistress?

It's a time-honored political tradition.

I'm Jackie. You're Marilyn.

I love Tripp and I'd do anything
to make him happy.

What makes him happy
is being with me.

I know Tripp would never send you.
He knows I wouldn't agree.

He was skeptical, it's true.

But he didn't know that I have this.

Where'd you get that?

The question is what your stepfather
will say when he finds your mother...

...is a cheating whore. Your mother
and father alone in his hotel room?

- What do you think they were doing?
- I don't know. The letter doesn't say.

Knowing Lily,
I think we can assume the worst.

I'm pretty sure Rufus will.

Okay, then. You think about my offer.

With this letter I could have
forced you out of the picture.

But that's not what Tripp wants,
so I'm being pragmatic.

I hope you'll decide to do the same.

I thought you were meeting me
for lunch.

I had too much to drink.

Well.

We'll just order room service.

Look, I really don't need you
to take care of me.

I know how hard it was for you
to let your guard down.

To let me in.

But you've changed.

[GROANS]

I'm buying that building.

- Chuck...
- Don't tell me what to do.

I'm not. Just talk to me.

Blair...

...I need you to get out of here now.

Chuck.

Now.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Hm.

Maybe there's hope for you yet.

Jenny said if she was chosen
to be queen things would be better...

...but if you think about it,
things are worse.

Blair never banished a girl
for getting a gift.

- It is almost Christmas.
- Right. There could be wish-list carnage.

Think about it.

Did someone mention Christmas?

Happy holidays, ladies.

See, that's why I was so mad
at Sawyer.

Because she ruined the surprise.
There's YSL for everyone.

OMGBG.

Oh, my God, best gift ever. I love you.

I love you too.

Jenny, where did you even
get the money? My mom's generous...

...but she wouldn't give you the price
of a smart car to spend on purses.

Come on, ladies, let's go buy
matching lipsticks.

[CARMEN AND JANE LAUGH]

Chuck's having a difficult day.

Since I'm sure you are too,
I thought you might have advice?

Cyrus says it's an essential part of life,
honoring the dead.

But Chuck refuses to visit Bart's grave
even today.

On the anniversary of his death.

Do you know that Chuck's never been
to his mother's grave once?

I can understand not going on the date
she died. It is his birthday after all.

But Bart refused to tell him
where Evelyn was even buried.

Said it was morbid
for a child to visit a cemetery.

- Lily?
- Hm?

- Are you listening?
- Yes, of course I am, Blair.

And I will go see Charles
and talk to him.

Thank you.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- Hello, Mr. Humphrey.
- Blair. What brings you here?

I was just looking for backup
from Lily.

Bart's one-year mark.

Oh. Lil, why didn't you say something?
No wonder you're so upset today.

Bart's death was such a tough time.
Thank you for standing by me.

I don't know what I would ever do
if I lost you.

Well, I'm not going anywhere.

SERENA:
It's not that I believe Maureen...

...but Tripp hasn't returned
any of my texts or messages.

I need to talk to him.

I think you should be open
to the idea...

...that at least some of what Maureen
was saying might be true.

Why would you say that?
I've risked everything to be with Tripp.

I have to have faith.

Your grandfather just loves to talk.

Tripp will be home soon,
and he'll explain everything.

Serena, my grandfather is in Bermuda.

What?

NATE: When we got off the phone earlier,
I called my mom just to be sure.

I don't know where Tripp is,
but he's lying to you.

Will you excuse me? I have to go.

GOSSIP GIRL: Looks like the love nest
has become a hornet's nest.

Sir, how long till we get
to Nassau County?

GOSSIP GIRL:
And here comes Nate to stir it up.

WILLA:
Come in.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I don't know if you got a car
or we're taking the train.

I told Paul and Vanessa
we'd be a while.

I'd like your thoughts on something
while we're still alone.

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure. What is it?
- It's a performance-art piece I did.

It's kind of Karen Finley
meets Daryl Hannah in Legal Eagles...

...but without...
- Clothing.

You're, uh...

You're naked there.

[MOANING ON COMPUTER]

Shh. Shh.

Hello, Charles. How are you?

Busy. I told the front desk
not to bother sending you up.

I'm on my way out.

Wherever you're going, put it off
and come with me to the cemetery.

I can't. It's business.

We both know that your father
was a complicated man.

And I honestly think that he thought
it was just easier to be alone.

You know what? There are moments
I think I agree with him.

But we're not that way, I'm afraid.

We need each other.

And right now, I need you
to do this with me.

I'm sorry, Lily...

...but I believe the way
to honor my father is through work.

Sometimes we need to do something
to show people how we feel...

...even when they're not here to see it.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Oh, I'm sorry. It's Serena.

Excuse me.

- Mom, it's me.
- Serena, you okay? You sound upset.

SERENA [OVER PHONE]:
I'll be fine.

I know how mad you are that I chose
Tripp rather than following your advice.

Well, I never wanted to punish you,
just protect you.

You don't need to explain.
Right now...

...I just need my mom, okay?

Of course, darling.

Maureen has my letter from Dad.

- What?
- Don't know how she got it.

She doesn't wanna leave Tripp.
She's threatening to show it to Rufus.

Oh, my God.

What does Tripp say?

I don't know.
I can't get in touch with him.

And it doesn't matter,
because I know he's lying.

Oh, Serena, I'm so sorry for that letter,
and what happened with your father.

I'll tell Rufus everything,
which I should have done already.

Look, just get home and
we'll fix everything, okay? I promise.

- Thank you, Mom. I love you.
- I love you too.

So much for the Day of the Dead.

Yes, I'm afraid I have to attend
to the living right now.

Look, I hope you'll consider
what I said.

Maybe do this for both of us.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

They should be yellow roses.
They were my mother's favorite.

- Serena, where are you going?
- Away from you, liar.

- I'll find a cab.
- Serena, wait.

Tell me it isn't true.
Tell me you're getting a divorce...

...you spent the day
talking to your grandfather...

...that you didn't send Maureen here,
and Nate is just jealous.

I can't even look at you.

Serena, let me at least drive you.

I'll take you back to the city.
We can talk in the car.

You know I wanna be with you
more than anything.

Please, let me explain.

I'll get in the car, but no talking.
I'm done talking.

Tripp!

[TIRES SCREECH]

[GASPS]

Maureen, something terrible's happened.
I need help.

Oh, my God.

Serena!

- What happened?
- Where's Tripp?

- Tripp?
- Is he okay?

- No, Serena, Tripp's not here.
- He was driving.

[SIGHS]

TRIPP [ON RECORDING]:
This is Tripp. Leave a message.

Tripp, I need to see you right now.

You meet me at the hospital
or I'm going to the cops.

What is that heavenly smell?

I'm christening the kitchen
with a little bolognese.

I figured you could use
some comfort food.

Are the kids home yet?

Not yet.

Well, since we have a little alone time,
there's something I wanna tell you.

- Sounds serious.
- It is.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Oh, God. It's 516. It might be Serena.

Hello?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's a hundred percent me. It's not you.

You know, your...

This performance thing is amazing,
and you're a great kisser. I just...

[PHONE RINGS]

Know what? I gotta take this.
I'm sorry.

[SIGHS]

[KNOCKING]

- Serena's been in a car accident.
- What?

- I don't know much, but we gotta go.
- What happened?

Wait. Where are you going?

DAN: I'll explain on the way. Come on.
- What?

What now, Blair?

I'll see you there.

Arthur? Change of destination.
We're going to Nassau County.

BART: What are you doing?
We're almost there.

Everyone's waiting.

They're gonna have a backup offer.

Would you just leave me alone?

Get to the LIE.

Stop looking at me.

- What were you thinking, Tripp?
- Have you seen her?

Is Serena okay?

You left her alone in a wrecked car
and you moved her?

What happened to you, man?
You know?

You were the good guy.
You were the honest one.

- You gotta understand...
- I fully understand.

- I called 911.
- Oh, come on. Are you serious?

Look, I know we're family,
but what you did is unforgivable.

When the cops ask,
I'm telling them the truth.

MAUREEN: The truth is Tripp was with me.
- I told you to stay in the car.

The days of you telling me what to do
are behind us.

I've spoken to William.
He's got Tripp's back on this one.

If anyone starts asking,
I'm ready with a statement...

...that says Tripp was with me.
- What about Serena's statement?

With her history of drinking and drugs?

Not to mention her unstable family
background and the many, many men?

In any case, your grandfather's well-liked
by the sheriff's department around here.

Coming, Tripp?

I'd love to see her.
You don't think you could help me...?

GOSSIP GIRL:
Spotted: The fall of a politician...

You stay the hell away from her.

GOSSIP GIRL:
- And the rise of a hero.

Poor congressman.
You've just been vetoed.

- I am so sorry.
- I guess I had to learn the hard way.

Well, like mother, like daughter.

- Is Rufus here?
- Well, um, he's coming...

...but I asked him
to look for your insurance papers.

- They're somewhere in my desk.
- Mom, my insurance card's in my wallet.

- You didn't tell him, did you?
- Well, I was going to.

And then the hospital called...

...and, um, with Maureen
and who knows what else...

...I didn't know
what we'd be walking into here.

[SIGHS]

I just need to rest now, please.

Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi. Nice outfit.

You too.

You were so right about this one.

What are you doing out here?
Come on.

DOCTOR:
I'm sorry, Mrs. Bass.

Charles, the doctors say
there's nothing more they can do.

We have to let him go.

Chuck, stay. Be here with us.

How's Serena?

She's gonna be okay.

[SIGHS]

- Lily's here? Eric's here?
- Everyone's here.

Chuck...

My father always thought I was weak.

And in the moment
that mattered most, I was.

I couldn't be there when he...

I left, ran away.

I've been pushing myself...

...to prove him wrong...

...and I've been pushing you away.

I don't think you ran away
because you couldn't handle death.

I think it's because
you couldn't handle feelings.

But you're not like that anymore.

You're strong.

You carry people.

You carry me.

You're becoming a man
in a way that your father never was.

Come.

Let's say goodbye.

Thank you.

[GROANS]

- You want a sip of my coffee?
- No, thanks.

- I was just offering.
- Just declining the offer.

- Eric, I'm so sorry.
- Jenny, can we stop this?

So I'm assuming you set Sawyer up
with that bag?

Me and Kira, yeah.

I heard you talking
to that shop girl on the phone, so...

I knew you were listening to that call.

Which is why you were ready
with the bribes.

- You are starting to scare me.
- Right back at you.

I wouldn't have had to
if it wasn't for your smear campaign.

Which you totally deserved.

- Hey, truce?
- Yeah.

Let's buy one of those hideous stuffed
bears with the "Get well soon" balloon.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Maureen, hi.
I'm actually on my way out.

I know you must be surprised
to see me, but if you have a moment...

I've been having some difficulties
in my marriage...

...and I'd hate to see anyone suffer
through the same pain that I have.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Somehow this ended up
in my coat pocket at Thanksgiving.

Just read it.

I mean, imagine if Serena
hit her head a little harder...

...or the car rolled, or...

Vanessa.

I love you.

I love you too.

Dan.

That was not really the reaction
I was hoping for.

Dan, sometimes when people
are under a lot of emotional stress...

...they say things
that they don't really mean.

Yeah, I was, uh...
I think I read that somewhere.

I'm gonna go see
if Serena needs anything.

Rufus?

GOSSIP GIRL: Sinatra sings,
"New York, New York It's a hell of a town."

But on the Upper East Side,
sometimes it just feels like hell.

I think I might need some advice.

GOSSIP GIRL: Even when we're sure
we've earned that happy ending...

... it doesn't always come.

Second thoughts creep in.

Secret missions sneak out.

And only Sleeping Beauty
finds her prince.

Hey. You're late.
These guys are texting. They're waiting.

Sorry. It was a hectic night.
Do you even have it on you?

Can I hold it?

Queen bee likes a thrill, yeah?

And, uh, this time,
I wanna go to the table alone.

By the way,
those handbags totally saved my ass.

Thanks for making that happen.

Don't thank me.
You earned that money.

And I needed it.
It's not easy being queen. Or cheap.

Stick with me, Jenny Humphrey...

...and you'll have enough cash
to underwrite your entire kingdom.

GOSSIP GIRL:
In this city, nothing is for certain.

The night can push you forward
into a dark future...

... or plunge you
into a mysterious past.

[WOMAN CRYING]

Lily?

Charles?

[ENGLISH - US - SDH]