Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 2, Episode 13 - O Brother, Where Bart Thou? - full transcript

Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

...into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

I fired Andrew Tyler,
that private investigator.

I don't think that that's enough.

- Where's Bart?
- I'm leaving him.

- For me. I don't expect anything.
- Lily's at the ball with Rufus Humphrey.

Figure something out
and get down here now.

I wouldn't change us
if it meant losing what we have.

What do we have, Chuck? Tell me.

It was meaningful with you.
It was the greatest night of my life.

- Mine too.
- Serena, where's Charles?



- Mom, what's wrong?
- Bart's been in an accident.

Where has she been?

And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

More towers than Trump...

...more bucks than Bloomberg.

Bart Bass definitely made his mark
on Manhattan.

The passing of a public figure
can shake a whole town...

...but the real story is always the one
happening in private...

...away from the headlines, at home.

- Come, eat. You need your strength.
- I'm not hungry.

- I'm saving room for later.
- In times of uncertainty...



...it's more important
we continue our daily rituals.

You haven't eaten a Cheerio.

I mean, we know that's gin
in your coffee cup.

My point exactly.
Life must go on as it always has.

How's Mom?

I took her some coffee and toast.
She didn't sleep much last night.

Or any night since it happened.

- All she does is make lists and yell.
- People mourn in their own ways.

What happens tonight,
when there's nothing left for her to do?

She'll move into The Palace
with Chuck.

Yes. The bottomless minibar...

...and the comfort of the twins
in room service.

It's a scandal.

People mourn
in their own ways, Mother.

I've been assured by the hotel
that if Chuck isn't alive and well...

Well, at least he's alive.

Oh. It's a nice picture.

Remind me to send a thank-you note
to the photo editor.

Is that tuna?

Grandma, please talk to her.

We're doing comfort food.
Nobody's comforted by a tuna tower.

Fine.

- Darling, where are you going?
- Oh, out for a walk to the park.

- Is that wise?
- Well, it's really hot in here...

...with the cooking and the cooking.

I'll be right back.

That's a good picture.

Lily should send a thank-you note
to the photo editor.

- How is Charles holding up?
- Who knows?

He hasn't returned any of my calls.
The hotel says they keep sending food...

...so there's something alive
in that room.

You should try some capers with that,
and just a tickle of sliced onion.

Maybe I'm underestimating
his emotional bond...

...with Kim and Kristi from room service,
but I think...

...he should be with someone
who cares about him.

Not enough, not enough.

That is exactly
why we are getting married:

So we can be around
to care for each other.

- It's true.
- It is.

Just delivered, ma'am.
For your trip to Paris.

Christmas in Paris.

How can you think of your vacation
the day we're putting Bart in the ground?

Because, my dear,
in the midst of death, we are in life.

Genius.

Maybe Nate's heard from Chuck.

- Hey.
- Hey. I wasn't expecting to see you.

I was just coming to check in,
see how you were.

I'm fine.
I'm just worried about my mom and Eric.

And Chuck.

That's nice. I'm worried about you.

Thank you so much for being
such a rock these past few days.

It's meant so much,
having you around.

Yeah, well, it's not a problem, okay?
It just feels natural.

It does, doesn't it?

Hey, Serena.

Aaron, hey.

- Dan.
- Hey, Aaron.

Uh, I just wanted to check in,
see how you were.

Oh, yeah,
I was just telling Dan I'm fine...

...but it's good to see you. And you.

But I'm actually gonna go to the church
with just my family...

...so I'll see you both there?

- Sure, sounds good.
- Yeah, see you there.

Okay, then. Bye.

I'm sorry we haven't spoken since
the ball. I appreciate your messages.

All I wanna say is that I'm here.

If you want me to keep my distance,
I can do that too.

I, um, can't imagine
what you're going through.

Oh, actually,
you can better than anyone else can.

Everyone's so concerned
about the grieving widow...

...but as much as I feel shock and loss,
mostly, I feel guilt.

You must be
thinking a hundred thoughts now...

...but Lily, you cannot blame yourself.

Why not?
He was on his way to see me.

I was gonna end our marriage.

Hey, it's okay.

You hear me?

He left me a voice mail.

Oh.

- What'd it say?
- I haven't listened to it.

I've been too afraid to hear his voice.

Do you wanna listen to it now?
I'll stay with you.

Thank you, but I'll do it myself.
I have to get back.

Lil, I'm waiting for you this time.

Six months, six years. I'll be here.

- My condolences.
- Skip the sympathy. This is business.

My father met with you
before he died.

I wanna know what you told him.

I worked for Mr. Bass, not you.

And what I have?

You're not the only party interested.

- I'm about to become very rich.
- Yeah, congrats.

There's someone else
who's about to come into money.

I think she might be more motivated
than you.

Lily?

That bitch
is the reason my father is dead.

I'll be in touch.

- You could buy me a drink.
- I'm sorry.

I can't stay.

If you'll excuse me...

...I have to go bury my father.

They say that when someone dies...

...their secrets are buried with them...

...but on the Upper East Side,
sometimes the dead still speak.

You have one unheard message.

Lily, we need to talk...

...and not about how my wife
is making a fool of me with her lover.

I know the real reason
you were in that hospital in France.

Message deleted.

That was Serena. She'll be here soon.

- Yeah, I got that.
- Well, I got it first.

Yeah, well, it's probably my service.

- 401 area code.
- That's probably it.

- Hey, Jen.
- Hey. I just talked to Eric.

- He said they're almost here.
- That's old news.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey, Eric.

Come here.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm gonna go pay respects
to your mom.

Thank you.
She'll really appreciate that.

- How you holding up?
- Holding.

Have you seen Jonathan?

No, why? Are you guys back together?

No, no,
I just thought he might wanna be here.

Yeah, that'll be fine, thank you.

I see Daniel and his sister are here.

Will their father be making
an appearance today as well?

Why on earth would you ask that?

I followed you to the park today.

- Of course you did, Mother.
- We'll talk later.

Where is Charles?

We should've dropped him
on the steps.

No one should see him.
He needs to walk it off.

Okay, walk, Chuck.
Bend knee, lift foot.

We should have left him
at The Palace.

It's his father's funeral.
He needs to show his respect.

Respect? My father wasn't shown
much of that in his final days.

- What's he talking about?
- Who knows?

His shoes were on wrong.
Chuck, remember eighth grade?

You used to help yourself
to the decanter in the library.

- First taste of single malt.
- You'd have to go home...

...to dinner without passing out
in your consomm?.

I didn't want my father
to think less of me.

- What does that matter now?
- Chuck. Am I gonna have to...

...stick my finger down your throat?
Nate'll hold back your hair.

- What?
- No, no, sorry, Blair.

You had me and then you lost me.

Just straighten his tie.

Thank you, Dan, for being here
for Serena and for our whole family.

Of course.
I can't imagine it any other way.

You're a true gentleman.
Your father raised you kids right.

Thank you.

Dear, they want to know about
the wreaths, whether we should...

Hey! What the hell are you doing here?

- Excuse me?
- He's just upset and loaded.

What are you doing
at my father's funeral?

- Think he'd want you here?
- If this is about the article--

You think I care about your failed
attempt at investigative journalism?

My father is dead
because of your father.

What? Chuck, look,
I'm sorry about this--

Chuck, Dan has been helping us,
unlike you.

Helping us? Do you have any idea
what his family has done?

Daniel, I think maybe
it would be best if you left.

No, Grandma, that doesn't make sense.
It's not fair.

Chuck is Bart's son.
He doesn't have to make sense today.

- It's okay. I understand.
- You have no idea.

- Dan, I want you here.
- Serena, it's okay. Let him go.

I know you're upset, but we all
really need each other right now.

Don't touch me, whore.

Charles, please.
You need to be with your family.

My family?

I don't have a family.

If the Lord is our shepherd...

...Iooks like one of his lambs
has lost his way.

Or maybe make that a black sheep.

We bring nothing into the world
and we leave nothing behind.

But that doesn't mean we don't leave
a big old mess when we go.

You're back. Wouldn't have thought
Bart Bass would have a short funeral.

Chuck threw me out before it started.

According to him, uh,
my father killed his father.

What?

Why would he say that?

Well, I don't know, Dad.

I mean, do you have any wild guesses?
Any thoughts?

Who knows?

Kid's dad just died. He's upset.

- Yeah, that's what CeCe said.
- CeCe's in town?

That's nice for Lily,
have her mom here.

That's right. I always forget
that you guys know each other.

- Did you think of, uh, going today?
- To the funeral? No.

Why not?
You're one of Lily's oldest friends.

No, I know. It's just better this way.

- So how's Serena?
- Um...

That would be a question for Aaron.

You two've been spending
a lot of time together since the accident.

- So?
- So like it or not, death changes things.

It clarifies them.
Brings some people closer...

...pushes others further apart.

- I just thought maybe--
- Dad, we're just friends.

- Oh, well, good.
- Good? Why is that good?

Or bad.
You wanna be more than friends?

No. We broke up twice,
and it's over. It's very much over.

You don't have to stay long.

Just let people shake your hand,
say hello.

- You don't have to convince me.
- Oh, good.

I thought that after what happened...

...you might not wanna be here.
- This is where I wanna be.

I have business to attend to.

Fine, but let's find you a quiet corner
and get some food in your stomach.

I'm not in the mood for food.

- You're really sweet with him.
- Me? Sweet? No.

No, you are. I mean,
worrying about him, offering him food.

- It's downright maternal.
- I'm not maternal.

I've just been spending time
with Cyrus. I'm turning Jewish.

Come on. I see kugel.

I found that sermon
surprisingly thought-provoking.

All that stuff about life and death...

...and our time on Earth
being so fleeting.

Darling, it was a funeral.

What was he supposed to talk about?
The stock market?

What's the best pizza in town?
Although, that is quite good.

No, I know, but I want to get married.

I know. So do I.
That's why we're engaged.

No, but I mean now. Tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?
- We cannot get married tomorrow.

- No, you can't.
- Why not?

Life is so short. It's all uncertain.

I don't want to live another day
without being your husband.

- What do you say?
- She says that's crazy.

It is. It's crazy.

We'll do it at the apartment,
just the family.

Simple, elegant, fast.

- Well, it is kind of romantic.
- Mother.

- I thought you were supportive of this.
- I am...

...as something that happens
in a far-off future...

...that never really lands on me...

...not as what I'm doing
tomorrow at 7:00.

- Candlelight. That's perfect.
- That's not what I was saying.

No. I don't have anything to wear.

Well, uh, what if someone
made you something?

- What did you have in mind?
- How about minding your own business?

I was thinking something in a jacket.
Very YSL.

Okay. Mick and Bianca, 1971.
Great reference.

Yeah, I hate to interrupt this fascinating
chapter in fashion history, but--

- Jackets are tricky.
- I know.

I also know someone
who owes you an all-nighter.

She would be honored.

Well, I think you should tell her
that I said, "Thank you."

Thank you for giving me
a chance to make amends.

Yippee. I'll call the rabbi.

Now, where's Aaron?

I want you to come to Buenos Aires
with me for Christmas.

What?

- That's a plane ticket.
- With your name on it.

I don't wanna say no, but I have to.

My family is a disaster.

My brother is Ionely
and my mom is losing it...

...and Chuck has publicly disowned us.

You sure it's your family you don't
wanna leave? Or is there someone else?

Dan...

...is my friend, Aaron.

You don't have to worry.

I'm not worried.

This trip is my gift to you...

...and you going with me
will be your gift to me.

But I already bought you a book.

I'll read it on the plane.

- Um...
- Hey.

Just think about it.

Okay.

Excuse me, may I please steal
my daughter for a moment?

Mother, if you wanna talk,
now is not the time.

- What does Chuck know?
- Did you not hear what I just said?

He knows something
about you and Rufus.

You should find out what.

Mother, I just came
from burying my husband.

I do not have the time, inclination,
or, frankly, the mental capacity...

...to go head-to-head with Chuck.

What he knew, he already told Bart,
so there's nothing to worry about now.

Let's hope not...

...but you won't know
until you talk to him.

I saw him head up the stairs.

Hello?

Yeah, this is she.

No, I'm afraid that's impossible.

I'm rather busy right now...

...which you would know
if you read the papers.

I'll be right down.

Jonathan.

- You came.
- I hope that's okay.

- More than.
- Can we talk?

I know I have some explaining to do.

If you're looking for Bart's will,
you don't have to worry.

I'm not...

...but you should be.

I'm going to find your file.

Well, it's not here, so you can stop
ransacking the place and look at me.

I can't look at you, Lily.

You disgust me.

Charles.

Disrespecting your marriage...

...betraying my father
with Rufus Humphrey.

I did no such thing.

He was coming to fight for you.

Talk about dying for nothing.

The only reason he got in that car
is because you called him.

If you could've just stayed out of it...

But you couldn't, could you?
Because you're just like him.

You have to know everything,
control everyone, trust no one.

You're saying this is my fault?

- No. It's no one's fault.
- Yes, it is. It's your fault.

His blood is on your hands.

I am so sorry.

As soon as that will is read,
and I get my money...

...you'll never see me again.

Coat.

- Where's he going?
- Chuck.

- Gotta go. Can't talk.
- Go where?

Everyone you know is in this room.

- I don't wanna be here.
- We want you here.

I just lost my stepfather.
I don't wanna lose my brother too.

When are you going to get it?

We are not related.

- Hey, hey, hey, just let him go.
- No.

- Oh, don't even try to cheer me up.
- Oh, I won't.

- Andrew Tyler was just here.
- Bart's PI?

Don't tell me he was here
to pay his respects.

No, he wanted me to pay him.

- He knows about the hospital in France.
- What?

That's why Bart was coming to see me
the night of the accident.

Tyler told him.

Well, now he's going
to tell the highest bidder.

Oh, my God.

- You have to stop him.
- Do I?

- I'm not sure.
- You can't be serious.

After all this time...

...now you decide that the right thing
to do is to tell the truth?

The truth is out.

- That changes everything, doesn't it?
- No, it doesn't have to.

There could be no better time
for a clean slate.

There could be no worse time, Mother.

This is the last thing I want
to come out. Pay him.

Chuck!

Stop.

Don't go.

Or if you have to leave,
let me come with you.

I appreciate your concern.

No, you don't.

You don't appreciate anything today...

...but I don't care.

Whatever you're going through...

...I want to be there for you.

We talked about this.

You are not my girlfriend.

But I am me...

...and you are you.

We're Chuck and Blair.

Blair and Chuck.

The worst thing you've ever done,
the darkest thought you've ever had...

I will stand by you through anything.

Why would you do that?

Because I love you.

Well, that's too bad.

Spotted-- Chuck Bass
fleeing his father's funeral...

...and Blair Waldorf shedding tears
for the dearly departed.

If you're about to apologize
for Chuck, it's all right.

I mean, he's upset
and there's bad blood.

It wouldn't be true to say that I get it,
but I'm fine not getting it.

That's really big of you,
but that's not why I called.

Um...

Aaron invited me to Buenos Aires
for the holidays.

Oh. Okay. Well, uh, I've never been...

...so I don't know how helpful I can be
with travel tips.

I mean, I know that it's summer there,
so pack a bikini.

Dan...

...when we heard about Bart,
we were in a conversation.

Right, right, yeah,
about what it would mean if...

You sleeping with Aaron
and me sleeping with Lexi.

But that never happened, so...

So I mean, I guess now it will, right?

- At least for you.
- Or...

Well, are you asking me
to ask you not to go?

- No.
- Look, Serena, if you wanna go, go.

If you don't, then don't.
I can't tell you who to be with.

- No, but you can tell me how you feel.
- How do you feel...

...about your boyfriend, who wants
to take you to South America?

Well, I mean, he's really great.
I like him a lot.

Well, that's your answer, then.

You know what?
This muffin is apricot, I think.

Yeah, I wanted cranberry.
They gave me apricot.

I gotta go back.

Well, what do you think?

Mazeltov.

Blair, I know this is all happening
awfully fast for you.

I just hope you know
how happy I am...

...not just to be with your mother,
but to have you in my family.

I love you.

Very, very much.

I told Chuck I love him.

Really? That's wonderful.

No, it's not.

It's horrible.

I thought that if I could finally say it...

...that everything would change...

...but he's just as selfish
and soulless as ever.

Only a masochist
could ever love such a narcissist.

Help me.

You don't need help.

He just needs time.

Wait. Not enough.

Heh.

Don't worry.

It'll all be okay.

You'll see, dear.

Well? How did it go with Tyler?

Serena's at breakfast,
and Eric's out with Jonathan.

We can talk.

It went very well.

Oh. Thank you, Mother.

- This was the right thing. I know it was.
- If you say so...

...but the closing of this chapter
leads us to the opening of the next one.

What are you going to do about the fact
that you're in love with Rufus?

Well, I'm not sure I'm gonna do
anything, at least not right away.

So you are in love with him?
I was fishing.

Ah. Well, you caught me.

Considering the circumstances...

...I have tried with all of my strength
to fight it.

It is a curse I do not wish
on my worst enemy...

...but I love Rufus.

So that's why Chuck was so upset.

Serena.

Let me explain.

Don't bother.
You love Rufus. You always have.

You married Bart anyway,
and now he's dead.

Well, I might have fleshed out
some of the more subtle nuances...

...but, yes,
I suppose that's the gist of it.

So go ahead. "How could I?
Bart's body's not even cold."

Whatever horrible things
you're gonna say, just say them.

I should've seen this coming.

You once asked me--
Begged me.

Not to be with Rufus
because of you and Dan.

Has Rufus told you
he wants to be with you?

He has.

Well, this may sound strange
coming from me...

...but if you wanna be with him,
then you should.

Maybe it's your time now.

After all that you've been through,
you should at least try.

What about you and Dan?

I'm gonna try to make things work
with Aaron.

We're going to Buenos Aires
for the holidays.

That is, if it's okay with my mom.

I think it's great.

- Hey.
- Hey. How was breakfast with Serena?

She's flying off to Buenos Aires
with Aaron.

She hasn't actually decided yet,
but he invited her...

...so I think I tipped her
in the direction of saying yes.

- Why would you do that?
- Because she asked me not to.

I realize
that doesn't make any sense...

...but I don't wanna play
some stupid game.

Why not? If you play the game,
Aaron ends up dancing the tango alone...

...and Serena would be with you.

Yeah, well,
when you put it like that...

You still have feelings
for her, right?

So do you think you could put them
into words and speak to her out loud?

- Yeah. Yeah, if she doesn't leave first.
- She's gonna be at Eleanor's wedding.

You can carry the garment bag.

- Where you guys going?
- Eleanor's. We can't stop to talk.

We're late.

- You're going too?
- Yeah, I gotta carry the garment bag.

- Hey.
- Where are Jenny and Dan...

...spending Christmas?
- With Alison, in Hudson.

Come away with me.

Let's take that trip we didn't take
last year, figure things out.

- I don't wanna wait six years.
- I don't wanna wait at all. Tonight?

I'll make a reservation
at that bed-and-breakfast in Cornwall.

It'll be gray and freezing,
but I don't care.

We're gonna be okay
this time, Lil.

I know we will.

Congratulations.

You're the high bidder.
The only bidder, actually.

Well, if Lily didn't spend
every dollar she has...

...maybe it's not worth it.
- I was dealing with her mother.

She said Lily wanted
to stop hiding her past, come clean.

Well.

Tell me, what's the point
in me paying to know something...

...if she's going
to tell everyone anyway?

Maybe there is none...

...but you're about to become
the richest kid in New York.

If I were you,
I'd wanna make that decision myself.

It's a pleasure doing business
with you.

Oh, it's beautiful.

And so are you.

What could make this moment better?

If I told you I was going with you
to Buenos Aires?

Well, I am.
I talked to my mom and everything.

Hi. Is Eleanor freaking?
I have her jacket.

Is that Jenny Humphrey?
Where are my clothes?

Yeah, she's freaking. Oh, Dan,
do you mind waiting here for me?

- No, not at all.
- I'm coming.

I carried the garment bag.

- I'm gonna go check on my dad.
- Okay. I'll see you later.

Serena.

Dan, why are you really here?

- I don't want you to go.
- Too late. I told him I would.

- Tell him you're not.
- It's not our time.

It's you and Aaron's time?

- You guys have a time now?
- It's not about Aaron.

- It's about our parents.
- What about our parents?

They're in love.

They never stopped being in love.

Oh.

Well, that explains a lot.

I already asked my mom not to follow
her heart once, and I just...

I'm not gonna do it again.

Even if I did, I don't think
she'd go along with me this time.

So you're gonna give up
on all of this, on us...

...for your mom?

We've already tried and failed twice.

- Who knows if we'd work any better?
- Who knows if we wouldn't?

Look, we've both changed.

Dan, we're connected
and we always will be...

...but I'm dating someone else now.

Serena, we need your fashion advice.
Hi, Humphrey. What are you doing here?

- He carried the garment bag.
- I did, yeah.

All right. Come on, S.

I should go.

We'll talk after the holidays.

I just can't believe you'd want this
to become public knowledge.

- What is that?
- Oh, it's exactly what you think it is.

- But my mother--
- Lied to you.

And to Mr. Tyler.
Judging by the look on your face...

...I'm guessing it wasn't your idea
to come clean.

- Why on earth would she do this?
- I don't know...

...but the next time you see her,
I'd ask.

But until then, I'm more than happy
to further her agenda.

Charles, I beg you.

Please don't turn away
from the people that love you.

They're the only chance
any of us has...

...and your father never learned that.

I hope that you do.

Wedding vows of Eleanor and Cyrus.

I, Cyrus, take you, Eleanor...

...to be no other than yourself.

I give you my love.

I am my beloved's,
and my beloved is mine.

To the Waldorf-Roses!

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

What do you think you're doing here?

- This can't be good. CeCe.
- Rufus.

- I'm on my way out.
- There's something you need to know.

Isn't there always
when you're around?

Throughout my whole life,
the only thing I've ever wanted...

...is my daughter's happiness.

Now, the means to achieving this
might shift with time...

...but my goal remains the same.

Since this is about Lily, she can be
the one to tell or not tell me.

I won't allow your meddling
to come between us.

I gave her a chance to tell you.
She didn't take it.

In fact, she asked me to pay a lot
of money to make the problem go away.

But you didn't do that, did you?

The real problem
is that she's in love with you.

Why is that a problem?

Because so long as she holds on
to this...

...the two of you don't have a chance
in hell of making it work.

I want her to have that chance.

Don't you?

So I guess the first time we actually
sleep together will be on an airplane.

Most guys get candles and lingerie.

My girl's gonna be sporting earplugs
and a neck pillow.

You're gonna be fighting me
for that pillow...

...when your chin is on your chest,
drool all over your shirt.

How did you know that I drool?

I think this is gonna be good:

This trip, us. All of it.

No regrets?

None.

Much better.

Uh...

Hey.

Well, thank you for telling me
you're in love with Lily Bass...

...again, or still, or whatever it is.

Would've been useful...

...before I tried to stop Serena
from flying off to South America.

- I will never be with Lily.
- I don't understand. Serena just said--

Serena doesn't know
what the hell she's talking about.

Are you okay?

What's all this stuff and your note?

Are you going somewhere?

Nope. Just out.

- You can answer that if you want.
- No, I don't want to.

- I'm here now, with you.
- I know you still have feelings for him.

- No, I don't.
- No, it's okay.

I just want you to give us time.
Give us a real shot.

Because I think I might
be falling in love with you.

Hey, it's Serena. Leave a message.

Just tell me one thing:

Was it a boy or a girl?

We hear Chuck Bass isn't the only one...

...who lost someone he loved this week.

Our deepest condolences,
Ms. Waldorf.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.