Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 2, Episode 10 - Bonfire of the Vanity - full transcript

Gossip Girl here,
your one and only source...

...into the scandalous lives
of Manhattan's elite.

Since last week, I haven't been able
to stop thinking about you.

Is it too weird to think that maybe fate
brought us back together again?

I was finishing this story
for Noah Shapiro.

- Which story?
- The one about Chuck Bass.

- You said you couldn't write that story.
- I chose not to.

Do your own clothing line.
I can model them. Max will do photos.

If you think you're getting away
with this, you're wrong.

It's too late. It's done.

Where has she been?



And who am I?

That's one secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me. XOXO...

...Gossip Girl.

You're in for a treat, son.

- I amazed myself with this Bolognese.
- I'm amazed at how calm you're acting.

Your 15-year-old daughter just moved in
with her crazy model friend.

And with the model's mother,
whom I met today for lunch.

Granted, Agnes' mother is more
Courtney Love than June Cleaver.

She's a committed parent.
She's gone through similar phases...

...with Agnes,
and she promises to call every day.

- So Jenny's safe.
- Act like you're cool with it...

...so she chooses to come home
instead of being forced?

Well, that's risky, but I like it.



- I hope it works.
- Yep.

- You ready for the best sauce ever?
- I can't stay. I'm gonna meet Shapiro.

I know you don't agree
with me writing the story...

...about Chuck and his mother.
- I don't believe in using people.

Well, Shapiro loved the story.

He's writing me
the recommendation for Yale.

Congratulations. I'm happy for you.

I'm happy for you and your sister both.

Heh, I'm glad you're a musician
and not an actor...

...because our family
would have starved.

Save me some cold pasta?

- I'll leave it on the stove for you.
- All right.

Though it seems like yesterday...

...Serena and I were 8, playing
dress up in my mother's Manolos...

...my 18th birthday has finally arrived.

The party needs to be perfect.

So blood-orange martinis
or beluga and Belvedere?

Why don't we make drinks
and taste test?

Oh, I can't.
I'm meeting my mother's new boyfriend.

Even moms have boyfriends,
and I don't.

Cyrus has been
my mom's attorney since the divorce.

He asked her out, but she didn't
want to mix business with pleasure.

Finally, his amorous overtures
wore her down...

...and she agreed to dinner.
She's been smitten ever since.

- Aw.
- Oh, that's so romantic.

One thing my mom has
is good taste in men.

Maybe a dashing stepdad
is just what I need.

Speaking of good taste in men,
how's the sexy artist, Serena?

Oh, Aaron's amazing.

He's been sending me maps
to the most beautiful places.

The other day, I ended up in a room
in the Cloisters overlooking the gardens.

Spare them the details, Serena.
Hazel will kill herself from envy.

Oh. This is him again. I gotta go.

- What? What about my party?
- Blood-orange martinis, all the way.

You girls have been getting
a lot of press. You got talent.

- Who's the designer?
- It's me.

I'm the face of the line
and the brains behind the operation.

Who do you imagine
your client will be?

- Girls like us.
- Sophisticated, with edge...

...who can afford high-end product.
I know their style. I'm their peer.

- That makes me unique as a designer.
- Hmm. What's the name of the label?

- Vixen...
- J. Humphrey...

We haven't fully decided yet, clearly.

It doesn't matter. We're here
to take the work to the next level.

Definitely. Which means
a clear vision for the brand.

And since fashion's
a designer-based industry...

...and I'm the designer,
that brand is me.

Well, the brand is the concept,
which we both came up with.

Can we talk about this later
when we're alone?

We're gonna talk about this now.

If Mr. Smith wants to represent us,
he should know who he's dealing with.

Mr. Smith might get the wrong idea
about our professionalism.

Then cut the crap
and act professional...

...instead of putting on the Jenny show.
- Me?

Look who's acting out again
at another business meeting.

You wanna see acting out?

And yet another one bites the dust.
What is the matter with you?

This guy was our last chance.

He totally overreacted.
I mean, we're artists.

We need somebody who's not
freaked out by a little passion.

Passion? The heat from the fashion show
isn't gonna last that long.

Jenny, I will find us
another business manager tomorrow.

Good. Until we get one,
we can't meet with any buyers.

Yes, okay? Now, it's all gonna work out,
all right? I'm on it.

- Dorota.
- Dorota.

Hurry up.
Cyrus will be here any minute.

He is the most attractive, brilliant man
I have ever met.

- Darling, you're gonna love him.
- I kind of already do.

I'm so excited to meet him.

I told you to put the roses on the table.
Next to Cyrus' seat.

Cary Grant always looked his best
with white roses.

- Dorota, are you insane?
- I don't know.

You used the everyday china.

Cyrus will think we're
just common upper middle class.

- Go get the Objet, and hurry up.
- Yes, Miss Blair.

Eleanor, you look like a goddess.

That must be his driver.

Not enough. Ha, ha, ha.

Darling, come meet Cyrus Rose.

The lovely Blair. Come here.

Not enough.

Happy 20th anniversary
for Bass Industries.

- Surprised you remembered.
- Not only did I remember...

...I got you something.

You once told me
you snuck into hockey games as a kid.

- Sat in the back.
- You got a box for the season?

Revisit your childhood passion in style.

We can go to Rangers games together,
hang out.

Well, nice gesture,
but, uh, misguided as usual.

I don't have time for hockey games.
You know that.

I always knew
you had chops, Humphrey.

Here's your letter.

- Have a seat.
- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you so much.
- Don't thank me yet.

There's more to come.
Meet James Wolf...

...senior editor at New York Magazine.
- It's nice to meet you.

Shapiro took the liberty of showing me
your piece. I'm very interested.

Oh. Well, I'm flattered. New York
Magazine doesn't publish fiction.

It's not really fiction, though, is it?

I told James the Trout character
is based on Chuck Bass...

...son of Bartholomew.

It's the 20th anniversary
of Bass Industries.

We want an expos?
on the man behind the company.

You dated the stepdaughter.
You know the son.

Look, the last thing I need
is Bart Bass as an enemy.

Yeah, and I'm really not
the undercover type.

If you're afraid of the man's wrath,
we won't print your name.

If your reporting's
as good as your fiction...

...I'll assign you another piece.
- Look, I'm sorry, sir. He's not an idiot.

If I milk him for information and you
print it, he'll know it came from me.

We'll only print something
if it can be verified.

If the man's clean,
the story goes away. If he's not...

...well, that's on him, isn't it?

You just grew a pair, Humphrey.
Don't lose them now.

This opportunity
could open real doors for you.

What? How did you do that?
I mean, it's amazing, but why?

Well, you know, I've shown you
the most beautiful places I know...

...and now
I'm showing the places you.

This is nothing, though.

I want you to pose for me.

- Will you?
- Sure, I guess.

Yes. Yes. I can't believe this.

Spotted: S and A
bringing sexy back to Times Square.

Move over, Disney.
Forty-second Street is steaming up.

Serena, I called you like 10 times.
Where have you been?

I went to the dentist at lunch.
Yesterday I met Aaron in Times Square.

- B, it was the most romantic thing.
- Who cares about plaque or artists?

Your best friend's having a meltdown.
He's totally unsuitable.

- Who is?
- Cyrus. He's 5 feet tall.

He has a catch phrase.
And he's a hugger.

I was expecting Cary Grant,
and I got Danny De Vito.

That sounds, um...

...awful. Sorry, I gotta run.

Oh, Aaron?

Yeah. He asked me to pose for him
in his studio. To be his muse.

- And you said yes?
- Why not? It's romantic.

No, it's a deathtrap.
Being the muse never works out.

Plenty of women have been both lover
and muse to famous artists, like Picasso.

A guy starts out in his blue period,
and everything's great.

It's a matter of time before it's another
girl's eye coming out of her forehead.

- Okay. I'm gonna go.
- Wait. No. What about the gnome?

- I have to take him down.
- B, enough already.

You always said you wanted to be an
elegant woman at 18, like Grace Kelly.

You're right. I'm going to be an adult.

I'll try and tolerate him.

Good girl.

This has been great, Mr. Bass.
Thanks for answering my questions.

- Anything for a friend of Serena's.
- As I mentioned...

...I'm over writing.
I wanna see what else is out there.

You're the most successful person
I know...

...so I figured,
why not start at the top, right?

I was hoping
that I might be able to shadow you...

...for a few days a week after school.
- I'm a busy man, Daniel.

- I don't think that's possible.
- I don't wanna impose.

It's just, um, you know...

Well, my dad,
his world is pretty narrow.

He had a hit song in the'90s, but he
didn't build half the Manhattan skyline.

Hm.

Your father is a fine man, but I can see
how you'd want something more.

Why not start with two days a week?

That's more than enough. Thank you.

Agnes, it's 3:00.

I've been waiting at the apartment
since 8 this morning.

Will you lower your voice?

Your high-pitched shrill
is not helping my head.

- Excuse me?
- Waitress, can I get a Revive? Thank you.

- Where the hell were you?
- I went out with Max last night.

And then
we ran into some friends, and...

- It was good. You should've come.
- You should've answered your phone.

Or at least turned it on so you could hear
the 50 messages I left you.

- What are you, my mother?
- No, Agnes, I am your partner.

You promised you'd find
a business manager.

And I will do it on Monday.
Or today, if my hangover ever wears off.

Do you understand
how much I've given up for this?

- Yes.
- No, Agnes, you don't.

I left home, I quit my job,
and my dad, he basically hates me.

You need to chill out.

Take a Xanax
or a tequila shot or something.

Hi. This is Jenny Humphrey.
I'm calling for Scott Smith.

Yeah, I know.
I met with him yesterday.

- Thank you for your time.
- It's been a pleasure.

- Listen, do you like hockey?
- Sure, yeah.

Maybe I could give you a business primer
over a Ranger game Tuesday night.

- Chuck, what are you doing here?
- Sir, I told him you were in a meeting.

I came by to have Robert
clear your schedule for the game.

Apparently, you already have a date.
What are you doing here?

I'm newly interested
in the construction business.

I thought your dad
could show me the ropes.

I was just leaving.
Thank you, Mr. Bass.

Eighteen dollars a flower?
That's absurd.

Yeah, yeah. It is a bit steep.

Now, I'm an attorney, and I'm telling
you, you're not paying for that peony.

You're paying for the
florist's Madison Avenue rent.

I am Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly is me.

Blair, I would love
to fill this whole penthouse...

...with peonies for your birthday,
but would you allow me...

...to buy them someplace else?

It's the principle of the thing.

I prefer to get my own peonies
from my own florist.

But thank you so much.

Well, Eleanor...

...over dinner, you mentioned
your fondness for Cyndi Lauper.

Mom and I love Cyndi Lauper.
We used to reenact...

..."Girls Just Want to Have Fun."
Our first DVD was Vibes.

Well, I got tickets to see Cyndi Lauper
at Joe's Pub tomorrow night.

That way, your mother and I will be
out of your hair for the party.

- My mother's coming to my party.
- What?

- You never want me at your parties.
- This year's different.

I'm 18, and it's a grown-up party.

I e-mailed Dorota the new guest list.
Parents are invited.

- Well, we'll return the tickets.
- No, nonsense.

Blair and I will celebrate her birthday
on her real birthday next week.

We are going to see Cyndi Lauper.

Thank you so much
for giving me another chance.

My ex-partner had some issues...

...so I've severed all ties with her.
- Glad to hear it.

- I'd be delighted to work with you alone.
- Really? That's amazing.

We can get started
on the incorporation right away.

- You are 18, aren't you?
- Actually, no. I'm 15.

- That's not a problem, is it?
- Not at all.

We have to get the papers signed
by a parent, but that's simple.

- And then we're good to go.
- Awesome. Yeah, no problem.

- Uh, you can stand right here.
- Okay.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

So, um, tell me when you're ready.

I've been practicing my poses.

Okay, Zoolander.
Just give me a second.

So, what is it that you want?
You want, like, a little bit of this?

Or. Like, you know, some of this?
I don't know.

How about a little less?

You know, try being still.
Try nothing.

Okay.

Um...

We can try that.

You can't hide your face.
That's no good.

I don't know what to do.

Can you say something?

Okay, okay. Put your head up here.
Put your feet up.

- Okay.
- Enjoy yourself.

- Okay.
- There you go.

Okay, look up at me.

- That's too close. Get out of here.
- It's not too close.

Gillian. Chuck Bass.

I never thought I'd hear from you again.

Frankly, neither did I. Are you
still an intern at New York Magazine?

Yeah. Why?

What do you know
about a guy named Dan Humphrey?

Nothing, except he's
about to meet with my boss.

I have to go. I'll call you back.

Did Brooklyn Boy really think
he could bury the bone in the backyard...

...and no one would find it?

Every Bass will have his day.

Now, how many muses come over
in the morning bearing breakfast?

Oh, my gosh.

You must've stayed up all night
making that.

Pretty much.

What do you think?

It's beautiful.

It's also kind of weird, maybe.

Not that it's weird,
but it makes me feel that way.

You know, seeing myself...

...like this.

I should probably be more cool
and mysterious and stop talking.

- I kind of like being your inspiration.
- Good. Get used to it.

- Hey, Aaron. Am I early?
- No, actually. You're right on time.

Serena, this is Danielle.
She models for me.

- Hey, I thought modeling was our thing.
- I'm doing a series.

- I should go.
- You don't have to.

Yeah, no, I do, um.

I have this thing that I forgot about
that I, um... I'm gonna do.

- Ooh. Can I have this coffee?
- Yes, yes. Have the coffee.

Noah, it's Dan.

You know how I told you it might take
a while to get anything good on Bass?

The story won't take as long to crack
as we thought.

You have glow, Miss Eleanor,
like Chinese lantern.

Ah, pfft. Well, it's love, Dorota.

How can you possibly love Cyrus?
He does all the things you hate.

He uses the wrong fork.
He slurps his soup.

He wears sports socks.
He's short and pushy.

- He's nothing like Daddy.
- Which is precisely why I like him.

Harold was lovely in a million ways,
but he had his secrets.

Cyrus is someone I can trust.
Before I go see Cyndi Lauper...

...I have to pick up my dress at Barneys.
I have to get my hair done.

- Would you like to come with?
- No. Thanks. But have fun.

- Screw Grace Kelly. I need to scheme.
- Oh, no.

That tiny man must have
some big secret I can exploit.

With his trusting nature,
finding it out shouldn't be too hard.

- Hey.
- You're Humphrey?

- I wasn't expecting a kid.
- Well, I'm sorry to disappoint.

But no one else is showing up,
so if you got information, I'm right here.

All right. In'87, your friend Bass
bought a building in Midtown...

...to convert to condos.

Market crashed. He couldn't
raise funds to complete it.

- That building burned down.
- Are you saying it wasn't an accident?

Kinberg Building.
Bass collects the insurance.

He goes on to build an empire.

It was like All the President's Men.
There's no way this can be legit.

But all the facts check out.

The date, the building, the fire.
The insurance, even.

And you're happy about this?

It's huge. Bart Bass, an arsonist?
This article could change my life.

Could change Serena's life, Lily's,
their whole family's.

I know, all right?
And I feel badly about that.

But if this is true,
people have a right to know.

Noah says I need
a statement from Bart.

By tricking him to tell you
information you can exploit?

I'm writing an important story
for a quality publication.

Why can't you just admit
this is a good thing for me?

Hello, Alison.

Jenny asked you to sign what papers?

All right. Thanks for having my back
on this. Talk to you later.

You and I are gonna talk more.
Now I have to go find Jenny.

My mom is so happy.
I've never seen her like this.

Your mother is a diamond
in an ocean of coal.

From the moment we met,
I knew she was the one.

Have you always been so romantic?

Like with your ex-wife?

Certainly not.

Actually, I've only felt like this
once before in my life.

- Tell me about it.
- Well...

You know, Alice and I were
very young when we got married.

We were very fond of each other,
but never passionate.

Then I got drafted,
I was sent to Vietnam.

And I fell deeply in love
with a Vietnamese girl named Kim-Ly.

- It means "golden lion."
- How feline.

- Go on.
- I knew I could never...

...stay married to Alice if I could feel
a passion like that for somebody else.

And I planned to bring Kim-Ly
back to America.

But first I had to go back by myself
and end my marriage.

While I was breaking the news
to Alice...

...Kim-Ly was killed
in a surprise attack on her village.

- She died?
- Yeah.

So I was devastated,
but I always knew in my heart...

...that what I'd felt for Kim-Ly
was true love.

And I think I was too much of a romantic
to stay forever in a loveless marriage.

So ultimately,
Alice and I parted as good friends.

Wow.

I'd always hoped
I could feel something like that again.

Now I have, with your mother.

So, yeah,
my prayers have been answered.

- Aaron, hey, it's me.
- Hey, what's up?

Well, it's such a beautiful day.

I was thinking I could take you
to one of my favorite spots for a change.

Ever been to the puppet theater
in Central Park?

That sounds great,
but I'm still with Danielle.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're still working?

No, no, we're just hanging.
Can we do the puppet thing tomorrow?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Looks like B's prophecy came true.

One day you're a muse,
the next you're old news.

The caterer's done
setting up downstairs?

Yes.

And what about you,
my sneaky daughter? Are you done yet?

What do you mean?

Cyrus told me
that you had lunch together.

He was very touched. Of course,
he doesn't know yet that you...

...have an agenda
for absolutely everything.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Blair, you're not a child anymore.

But you can't help it, can you?
You can't stop meddling and scheming.

Let me guess.

You played nice so that you could
dig up some dirt on Cyrus.

But it didn't work, did it?

Because he is the most upstanding man
I have ever met.

I'm sorry, Mom.

But it turns out
that Cyrus is just like Daddy.

He cheated on his ex-wife.

He had an affair.
He fell in love with her.

I'm sorry.

It's true. You can ask him yourself.

Yeah?

This is Scott
Smith's office calling for Jenny Humphrey.

- This is Agnes Andrews.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I mixed up your phone numbers.

I'm about to see Jenny.
Is there something to tell her?

Please let her know that the contracts
are ready for J. Humphrey Designs.

- I'll give her that message.
- Thank you.

- There's a totally cute guy over there.
- The busboy?

Beggars can't be choosers.

How's your cute boyfriend, Serena?

- Oh, he's not exactly my boyfriend.
- You mean he's free?

Hazel, I can hear your desperation
from the other room.

Serena, what's wrong?

- Move over.
- Guys, move over.

I think you were right.

The whole muse thing
kind of backfired.

Well, I would say "I told you so,"
but since I'm now 18, I'll refrain.

- What happened?
- Well, we had this amazing night.

I modeled for him,
and he did this incredible installation.

He totally loves you.

But then another girl
showed up at the studio...

...and she modeled for him,
and they've been hanging out all day.

So Pablo's already moved on?
That was faster than I thought.

- Blair.
- It's okay, S.

It's actually a good thing.

This way, you can get out
before you're in too far.

- Oh, hey.
- You missed your dad.

He rang for an hour.

My dad?
What are you doing with my dresses?

You know, when I let you in,
I had no idea you'd be such a thief.

Stealing my contact list,
our whole business.

- I wasn't stealing.
- You know...

...you think you're so talented
and unique, don't you?

- No.
- You know...

...three weeks ago,
you were absolutely nothing.

You were a little intern
pinning my hem.

It was my idea to do the line.
I found the photographer...

...and the models for the shoot.

It was my idea
for the guerilla fashion show.

- I have all the contacts.
- I know. You're right.

You're right.
Just give me my dresses, please.

Do you know how many talented artists
there are living in Brooklyn...

...designing dresses?
- Agnes, give me my dresses.

- What are you doing?
- These dresses are as much mine...

...as they are yours.
Now they belong to nobody.

- Are you totally insane?
- Yes, I'm insane, Jenny!

What are you doing? Agnes, don't.

Agnes, please.
These dresses are everything.

They're my entire future.

You are out of your mind!

- What the hell did you do, Agnes?
- You did this. By the time I get back...

...I want you and your crap
out of my apartment.

- Well, it was good to see you.
- You too.

Ah. The mythical Serena.

Oh, you must be Cyrus,
Eleanor's boyfriend.

- How did you know who I was?
- I recognized you from Aaron's studio.

You know Aaron?

- He's my son.
- Wha... Oh, my goodness.

You didn't catch
the family resemblance?

No, it's okay. You know,
I think he's quite smitten with you.

Really? Uh, I'm not so sure.

Well, he told me
that he took you to the Cloisters.

He definitely doesn't do that
with just anyone.

You know, I'm actually gonna go
stop by his studio to see him now...

...but it was really nice meeting you.
- Likewise.

- Oh, Eleanor.
- Did you cheat on your ex-wife?

Well, did you? Is it true?

- Yes, it is...
- Get out.

I thought he was different.

I have to go lie down.

There's so many hot guys here.

My God, look at that guy.

Cyndi Lauper?

Heh. What are you doing here?

My pal Cyrus called me yesterday.
He bought out my gig and asked me...

...to play
this girl's birthday party instead.

I guess he's madly in love
with her mother.

I'm looking for a Blair Waldorf.

How do you do?

Make yourself at home. I... Oh.

Dorota.

This is Dorota. She's your biggest fan.

Oh, my. Ms. Lauper...
Wait, Ms. Blair, where are you going?

I wanted a Harry Winston choker
for my birthday.

Instead, I got a conscience.
I've gotta go.

Sorry to bother you at home.

What was it you wanted
to speak to me about?

Uh... Well, something kind of strange
happened while I was at your office.

I overheard this guy
talking about you to an employee.

He said that you were responsible
for a fire in one of your own buildings.

He had a lot of details.

I figured there must be
some kind of explanation.

You know, if it even happened,
which I'm sure it didn't.

I know it's none of my business.
I'm sorry.

But he was so insistent.
If he was telling people at work...

...he could be telling other people too.

So it's out.

I've had that man's death
on my conscience for 20 years.

Wait, someone died?

Dad, don't say anything else.

He's writing a story for a magazine.

So, what's it gonna cost
to make this go away?

I don't want your money.

If you use this against my father,
I will destroy you.

What happened
is bigger than you hating me...

...or me trying to make it as a writer.
I couldn't ignore this if I wanted to.

It will ruin our family.

Don't do it.

Please.

- You're still here.
- I sent my driver to dinner...

...because I thought I'd be at the party,
ringing in your birthday.

You threw in the towel rather easily.
I expected a harder fight.

I'm smart enough to know...

...that getting into a war
with Eleanor's daughter...

...is never gonna result in a victory.

- So you retreated with dignity.
- Who says I gave up?

Oh, my God. You outmaneuvered me.
You deliberately let me win...

...counting on the fact Cyndi Lauper
would prey on my emotions.

I'm a lawyer.
I do think a few moves ahead.

Some of us can't rely entirely
on our looks, you know.

- Well done.
- Not enough.

Fine, you're a genius.
You better be good to my mother...

...or I'll be coming for you.
- Those are fair terms.

Now, come upstairs
and stand next to me...

...while I tell my mom the whole truth
about the golden lion.

She'll be furious with me,
so I may need an attorney.

Oh.

You're not what I had in mind.

Well, you're not what I had in mind.

Sir, this was left for you
with the concierge downstairs.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry I'm interrupting your work.
- I thought I was seeing you tomorrow.

Right, because you're seeing
Danielle tonight.

Well, I'm seeing a lot of people.

You and I just started hanging out.
Did I miss the talk...

...where we decided to be exclusive?
- No.

I don't know how it is in high school,
but I like to date more than one person.

- You can see other people too.
- Thanks for the lecture.

But that's not really my thing.

Hey, Dad. Can I come in?

Of course you can, Jenny.
This is your home.

- Happy to have you back.
- I'm not back yet.

But I will be if you sign these papers.

You mean the papers
your mother refused to sign?

- She didn't wanna get in the middle.
- I thought you'd come to your senses.

You're already using emotional blackmail
to get your way.

Spin it however you like,
I just need your signature.

If I sign, it means everything
you've done up to now...

...this lying, cheating, manipulation...

...it's all okay.

And if you don't sign them...

...then everything I've done,
everything, was all for nothing.

I won't put my name on a piece of paper
condoning who you've become.

- Fine. I'll just have to find another way.
- You gonna sleep on Agnes' couch...

...till you turn 18?
- Lf that's what it takes.

Poor little orphan Jenny.

Looks like she needs
a Daddy Warbucks...

...but Daddy Warbucks
don't grow on trees.

At least, not a tree
that grows in Brooklyn.

Mr. Smith. Hi.

Yeah, sorry to bother you
on a Sunday, um.

Is there a way we can
meet at your office today?

- Can I come in?
- I can't stop you.

I want to apologize, son.

Apologize?

I never blamed you
for your mother's death.

I read that short story
that, uh, Dan Humphrey wrote...

...about you and your mother.
I had no idea you felt that way.

And it's my fault.

I know I've had trouble
being close to you...

...but it's not for the reasons you think.
It's just hard, because...

...every time I look at you, I see her.

You miss her.

You have no idea.

I've made some terrible mistakes
in my life.

But I don't wanna make another.

I wanna know my son.

So any interest
in going to that hockey game?

I'II, uh, clear my calendar.

I spoke to your sister.

My, uh, plan didn't exactly pan out.

I heard. She called me.

You been thinking about that story
on Bart Bass?

Uh, yeah. I took your advice. I killed it.

You saved that family.

I think it's time you save ours, Dad.

It's so important to you to be right.
That's a trait I inherited.

I'll be the first to say it.
But you need to get Jenny back...

...even if it means letting her win.

So, what's the urgent question?

Neither of my parents will sign
the papers. Um, what else can I do?

Well, you have one other option,
but it's extreme.

You could file a suit
to become emancipated.

- What's that mean?
- You'd be your own guardian.

Your legal ties with your family
would be severed.

You mean, divorce my parents?

Okay. What do I need to do?

Well, I can't believe Aaron
is Cyrus' son.

Of course you get the prince,
and I get stuck with the toad.

Well, it doesn't look like
I'm gonna have the fairytale ending.

I went to have a talk with Aaron.

- And?
- And instead he had a talk with me.

I tried to deal with the
casual-dating thing...

...but I guess it's just not for me.
- Of course not.

Because beneath that free-spirit fa?ade,
you're totally conventional, like I am.

It's not a facade.

I believe in freedom,
people following their hearts...

...doing what they want.
You know I wish I'd lived in the'60s.

You believe in long hair,
peasant skirts and sandals.

An open relationship?
I don't think so.

Speaking of relationships, how are you
faring with Cyrus and Eleanor?

Well, he's not my cup of tea,
but he makes my mother happy...

...and he's not that bad.

- Well, I'm proud of you.
- It's not like I have to see him often.

He'll come pick her up
for dinner once, twice a week.

- I have to go.
- Bye.

Darling. We have
some wonderful news.

Thanks to you, Blair,
we've been up all night...

...talking about love and death
and the brevity of life.

And we have decided that
he should move in. Today.

Some surprises hit you
over the head like a squash racket.

And others sneak up on you
when you're least expecting it.

- What are you doing here?
- Picking you up for an afternoon...

...of puppet theater in the park.
- But we broke up last night, remember?

Wait, how did we break up
if we're not going out?

Thanks for reminding me.
That feels good.

Serena, I really like you. Even though
I grew up on the Upper East Side...

...I don't want the same life
that my parents had.

Social obligations
and forced conversations.

Saying no to all the things
that I wanna say yes to.

I thought you felt the same way...

...and if I was wrong, I apologize.

No. No, you were right.

Uh, wait, what are you doing?
Don't you wanna get dressed?

Nope.

And sometimes the biggest surprises
are the ones you spring on yourself.

Come on.

Scampering about in a slip
is one way to shed old skin.

But will embracing free love be as easy
as flinging off a pair of Fendi flats?

Looks like someone's going
barefoot in the park.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.