Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 9 - Blair Waldorf Must Pie! - full transcript

Gossip girl here

your one and only source into
the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.

How's your mom doing
with the divorce and everything?

So my dad left her
for another man.

She lost 15 pounds,
got an eye lift.

It's been good for her.

My mom kind of left us
a couple months ago.

My dad and my sister
don't really see that.

I don't know what's happened
with my wife or my marriage,

and you showing up here randomly
doesn't make figuring that out any easier.

Am i the only one
who thinks this is extremely weird?



Forget about it.

If dad can let it go, so can you.

I can't believe you didn't tell me
your mom came home.

Your wife despises me.

- I wouldn't say that.
- Well, she did.

You should deal with your father.

He needs you.

I don't.

We broke up, okay?

He was gonna get back together with me,

but only so my mom would help his dad.

I need your support here, son,
and your trust.

Well, you better hope for your sake
they don't call your son to the stand.

Do you like me?



Define "like."

Gossip Girl
Season01 Episode09

As per gossip girl's
thanksgiving tradition,

i'm trading my laptop for stove top,

and for the next 16 hours,
the only thing i'm dishing is seconds.

When the cat's away,
the mice will play.

Have fun, little rodents.

I mean, who gets wasted
on thanksgiving?

The holidays are lonely for people.

I wanted to keep 'em company.

Whoo!

THANKSGIVING.

LAST YEAR.

your mom is freaking out,
so my mom is freaking out.

What, which means you freak out?

Blair, just cut the cord.
Go nuts.

Come on.
Let's do shots.

Come on!

I told lily that you were buying a pie.

Oh, pie.

Where is your purse?

- Uh, my purse...
- Oh, great. All right.

You stay here, okay?

I'm gonna go look.

Don't drink or hit on anything.

Pie's been secured.

Thanksgiving no longer
needs to be canceled, all right?

Um...

Hey, mom, you know, i need to go.

I'm sorry.
Bye.

Oh, man.

Hey!
What are you doing?

Hey, right of way, pal.

Screw you, buddy!

Hey, uh, excu--excuse me.

D-do you need, like,
a crossing guard or a cab maybe?

Oh, pie.

It's more like roadkill now,
but, uh, better it than you, right?

Um...

I'm--i'm dan...

Humphrey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Uh, i don't know.

We met last year.

You m-- you might not remember.

Yeah, i--you probably don't,
but look, you should be more careful.

You need to keep your hands off of her.

Blair!

Trying to take advantage of her
on the holidays.

Come on.
Let's go, serena.

Bye, dave.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, serena.

Hey.

And hello to you.

Big national holiday.
You excited?

Kind of am.

Might be the first thanksgiving
in a while that i actually remember.

Yeah, i bet.

Huh?

Nothing.

- Uh, you-- uh, you at blair's?
- Almost.

Her dad's gonna be home
for the first time since he left,

so she's really excited.

Oh, well, family reunions
are all around then.

Uh, we, too,
have a full humphrey household.

Hopefully, it'll stick.

Well, it seems like
your mom is really trying.

Better thanksgiving than never.

Call me between every course?

Okay.

Mwah.Bye.

Mom, is it really okay
to cook with this much heavy cream?

Our arteries give us
a free pass on turkey day.

It's a shame our family doesn't
have a few hundred more members.

Do you think i bought too much?

Only by several tons.

But it's our first holiday back.

I wanted to make sure it was special.

I think they call that guilt.

Yeah, i guess they do.

But if it means more midnight turkey sandwiches
for all of us, then so be it.

Yeah, see, dan?

Uh, we on this side of the kitchen
choose to be positive.

Yeah, dan.

What's it gonna be?

You with us or against us?

Uh...

Fine.

But only if i can take
the cranberry sauce out of the can.

That is my specialty.

I have to find this recipe
before my dad gets here.

Harold waldorf's famous pumpkin pie.

Well, it may have been bobby flay's,

but it didn't stop my dad
from taking credit for it.

It's gonna be perfect!

Look at you.

Quite the chipper sous-chef.

Well, i'm in a good mood.

It happens.

Sometimes 'cause i increase my lexapro,

sometimes because my dad's in town.

And sometimes, mostly because
things are good with a boy.

You and nate get back together?

You mean since gossip girl
published pictures of him and some skank?

So that's a no.

What's chuck doing today?

Why are you asking me?

Well, you guys are friends.

And, blair, look,
you know you can tell me anything.

I'd be the last person to judge anyone.

With good reason.

Blair, i saw you with chuck.

I don't know what i was thinking.

I mean, sleeping with him once,
maybe you could understand, but twice?

Wait.
You slept with him?

- Shh!
- Ugh.

Blair!

What happened to no judging?

I'm not, but i thought
you wanted to wait.

I thought you wanted
to make things special.

Oh, so nate gets the free pass,
and i'm the slut?

Tell me you didn't
sleep with chuck for revenge.

Well, it wasn't
because i like his natural musk,

and besides, nothing hurts more than
sleeping with the best friend, right, s.

Way to prove a point.

Well, i learned from the master.

If you're sleeping with chuck,
i'd say the student's become the master.

Are you jealous
you didn't get to sleep with him first?

There had to be somebody
left on the upper east side.

Blair, darling,
are you going to help me at all?

Serena, do you know
when your mother's arriving?

She's not.

We're not doing thanksgiving
here anymore.

Oh.

Why?

Because i uninvited them.

Happy holidays, eleanor.

Mom, i know it'sy fault that
we're here, but let's not get crazy.

Well, i don't know
what you're complaining about.

I'm just trying to
provide my family with a home-cooked meal.

You don't know how to cook.

Well, don't blame me.

Talk to your sister.

She's the one that got us
exiled from the waldorfs.

Oh, i'm sorry.

And even if you did cook,
we don't have an oven.

Preaching to the converted, eric.

Look, we'll just pick up
a few things and try to make do.

Like peking duck on thanksgiving.

Not a bad idea.

No, mom.

All the other shops are closed.

There's nothing wrong with
having chinese food on thanksgiving.

What?

Jews having been doing it
on christmas since forever.

Look, a pumpkin.

Isn't this...

This is festive, yes?

We're gonna eat a pumpkin?

Mom.

Oh.

So you couldn't
make it past the salad, huh?

I opened the cranberries.

My work is done.

How's blair's?

Uh, i wouldn't know.

She gave me the boot.

Wh--she kicked you out of her house?

What happened now?

Uh, don't ask,

but the good news is,
my mom is gonna slice us up a pumpkin.

Oh, and there's duck.

No, no, no.

You can't eat duck and raw pumpkin
on thanksgiving.

Uh, you know what?

I'm the guardian of vanessa's sister's van
for the weekend,

and we here at the humphrey manor
have an oddly large kitchen table.

What are you suggesting?

These smell great.

Yes, so we can starve
in a fragrant hotel room.

We're not starving.

Look, i got us into this mess,
so i'm gonna get us out of it.

Elaborate, serena.

Thanksgiving at the humphreys.

Dan invited me,

and eric's friends with his sister,
and his dad's really cool.

Awesome.
I'm leaving the pumpkin.

What do you say, mom?

THANKSGIVING.

THANKSGIVING.
LAST YEAR.

???

Sous-chef, you're needed.

Ready and awaiting orders.

I see we have extra help.

Yes, well, serena's spending thanksgiving
with us this year.

Ah, the more the merrier.

Happy to have you, my dear.

Whoo!

Yes!

The canap?S were a huge success.

I saved one for you, blair.

I'm not really hungry.

Well, what does that mean,
you're not really hungry?

Well, i had, like, 15 of them this morning
when daddy first made them.

15?

Serena.

Serena!

Do you think that's wise?

Darling, she's fine.

She has been for two months.

What did the doctor say?

Don't drive us crazy, okay?

- So, please.
- Ah, fine.

We are going to need to
set another place at the table.

Laurel brought one of the models
i'm working with.

Do i know her?
What's her name?

His name is roman.

Ah.Roman.

Not this one, harold.

We have to work together.

Hey, you!

- Happy thanksgiving.
- You, too.

- Good to see you.
- Want one?

Ah, sure.

- Good boy.
- Nate the great.

- So what'd i miss?
- Mm, nothing.

You're about to witness
the return of sober serena.

- Oh, nate!
- Oh, no.

Or maybe not.

Sweetie, would you take her upstairs?

Put her in the bath before your mother
gets wind of this whole situation?

What, and leave you all alone?

Thanksgiving is our thing.

Nate, will you please take care of her?

Please?

Oh, i will.

Come on.

Daddy, can i help with the pumpkin pie?

Of course.

Thank you.

- Crush them.
- Thank you very much.

Crush them.

Caterers?

What's going on here?

Everyone is getting ready
for our lovely dinner,

and you should be, too.

Everyone except daddy.

Where is he?

I thought you knew.

Knew what?

Your father isn't coming.

He didn't tell you?

He decided to stay in paris.

He's got either too much work,
or roman is too much work.

Who knows?

I-i don't understand.

If he wasn't coming, why wouldn't
he just call me and tell me himself?

Darling, you should know by now

that your father is not
a fan of the difficult conversation.

Now why don't you run along
and change into something a little more...

Enchanting?

That's good.

Are you sure you don't
want us to stay with you?

Yeah, we don't want to leave you,
mom, if you don't feel well.

Oh, no.

You kids have fun.

I don't have an appetite anyway.

Oh, hold on a second.

That must be dan.

Hey!

- Room service.
- Oh.

Oh, no, no, no, no, sir.

You have the wrong room.

Oh, no, you're early.

I lied.

Mom.

All i care about
is that you two are together.

I don't want to be an imposition.

No.

Man with van, at your service.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh, bold choice of attire,
mrs.Van der woodsen,

unless it's what they're wearing
on the runway these days.

No, my mom sicked out
because she didn't want to be imposing.

You know what?

I am fine just curling up
and reading a good book.

But you're supposed to be
with your family on thanksgiving.

Yeah, and nicholas sparks
is hardly family.

I'm not taking no for an answer.

In fact, i'm not even asking.

You are coming with us.

I'm adult-napping you.

Fine, just stop talking,

and i'll get ready.

Make it snappy.
I'm double-parked.

Thanks.

Hey, rufus humphrey.

Leave a message,
and i'll get back to you.

Rufus, it's lily.

Um, your very persistent son
insisted that i join you for dinner.

I want to remind you that
my kids do not know that we are friendly,

and i would like to keep it that way.

That said...

I look forward to seeing you.

How could he just blow me off?

???

??

???

??

???

??

???

??

???

??E waldorfs at the last minute.

Just like i was asked to step down
from the committee for the snowflake ball,

and how i wasn't asked back
to the lincoln center foundation.

I thought at least, your father's lawyer
might join us for dessert.

Mom, stop.

You were all for acting like
nothing was wrong until it landed on you.

Nate.

I forgot to call the bail bondsman.

Maybe he has nowhere to go.

Mom, no one is more mad than i am,

but this is not the right way.

Nathaniel, i don't need you
to fight this fight for me.

Where do you think you're going?

Anywhere but here.

Thank you.

What's taking dan and serena so long?

Hey, we're here.

There you are.

You're lucky you made it
while the turkey's still hot.

Mom, this is serena,
and this is her brother eric.

It is so nice to meet you both.

- It's nice to meet you, too.
- Nice to meet you.

Hi.

And this is their mother, lily.

Happy thanksgiving.

just in time,
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

but i thought you were gonna bring pie.
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

I did, but it kinda
got run over by a taxi,

uh, as i was trying to
help this girl stay out of traffic.

Ah, well, who needs dessert
when we have a real-life hero in our midst?

Your brother just saved a girl.

I thought you needed to be
near a girl for that to happen.

Not just any girl.

The girl.

Oh, the blonde you stalk at school?

Just the one.

A thing for blondes.

You are your father's son.

Not just any blonde.

Apparently, i like the ones who get drunk
on thanksgiving and almost die.

Well, your dad liked 'em
dangerous and troubled, too, so...

You were dangerous?

Who said i was talking about me?

Well, i didn't realize
there was anyone else.

Well, it is so nice to meet you.

Alison.

Right, it's nice to meet you, too.

- Lily, was it?
- Yes.

Well, i'm just gonna take these coats
and put them in, um, dan's room.

Uh, you know what?
It's okay.

I've got them.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Okay, eric and jenny, napkin duty.

Serena and dan,
i want every water glass filled,

and every candle you can find lit.

I am sorry.

- I did not know that you were--
- back?

Well, i am.

And why would you know?

Well, dan never mentioned it
when he invited me.

I called.

I didn't hear the phone.

You know what?

It's fine.

It's fine.
Let's just have a great time.

- This holiday's about sharing.
- Right.

And if you don't mind,
um, could we not share too much?

I haven't exactly
told my kids about my past.

Well...

Our past.

Hey, turkey's almost room temp, guys.

Come on down.

You grab the mashed.

I got that.

Happy thanksgiving.

Blair...

You haven't touched your food.

Come on, darling.
What has gotten into you?

Well, i was going to wait
till after dinner,

but i guess now
is as good a time as any.

Did you call daddy and say that
i didn't want to see him this thanksgiving?

Of course not.

What a ridiculous accusation.

So you didn't tell him
that i was so angry at him for leaving,

that i didn't even
want to talk to him today?

You had no right to uninvite him.

When are you gonna
get it through your head?

- He left us.
- He didn't leave us.

- He left you.
- That's enough.

That's enough.

If you want to take this up with me,

we can discuss it later,
after our guests have left.

Right now you either eat
or you leave the table.

I told you, i'm not hungry.

Or maybe dessert
will change your mind.

Where is daddy's pie?

I don't see his pumpkin pie.

Well, there were so many delicious choices
coming from the caterer,

we just sent that one
down to the doorman.

What is thanksgiving after all, hmm?

Now choose one of
those amazing desserts.

So, uh, mrs.Van der woodsen,

um, what were thanksgivings like
when you were growing up?

Serena said you were raised
in california?

Oh, i grew up
on a little ranch in montecito.

I didn't know there were little ranches.

There aren't.

???

Yeah, sure.

Hey, we're right in the middle of di--

yeah.

O-of course.
I'm on my way.

What's up?

I'm sorry, but i have to go.

Is everything all right?

No, but, um,
it will be, i hope.

I'm sorry.

I can't really say more,
but it's nothing about us.

Okay.

I was having a lot of fun, though.

All right.

Bye.

I'm sorry, mom.
I have to go.

Oh, of course.

You're such a good friend.

Look, um, i hope you don't mind,
but my daughter has to go.

Do you need to go with her?

No, no, no, mom.
Stay.

Have fun, please.

Thanks, guys.

It was nice to meet you.

Is she gonna be okay?

Yeah, uh, yeah.

I don't think
it has anything to do with her,

but, um, you were
talking about your ranch.

Did you have any horses?

Yes, i had a few.

Um, i had my own, rosewood.

My dad has a song called "rosewood."

oh, but no, not that rosewood.

I completely forgot about that song.

Yeah, it's about my mom.

You know, 'cause she had this perfume
that she always wore.

- And it was rose and...
- Sandalwood.

Sandalwood.

It was like her own personal scent.

I'm a fool.

You're not a fool.

Um, raise your hand if you're over 30
and acting really weird right now.

I'm sorry, alison.

I never told rufus
about that horse.

So i'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Wait a minute here.

Why are you talking
like you know each other?

Do you two know each other?

Uh, we kinda did know each other,
a long, long time ago.

What?

Know each other how?

Oh, my god.

This is unbelievable.

You know what?
I need some air.

Don't follow me.

You have a lot of explaining to do.

Mom, wait.

May we please be excused?

Yeah, sure.

I don't want a bath.
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

Oh, too bad.
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

Blair's direct orders.
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

- Blair's not the boss of me.
- Sit.

Oh, are you new here?

'Cause blair's the boss
of all of us.

Oh, seriously, serena,
you smell like the floor of a brewery.

- I do not.
- Yes, you do.

Oh, my god.
Yes, i do.

Yeah.

Brewery floor with a hint of
secondhand smoke?

And a pint of old spice.

- Whoa.
- I totally need a bath.

Yeah, deal with it.

Please.

Blair's a bossy genius.

Oh, yes, she is.

So what about you?

What about me?

I don't smell like an ashtray.

But you look like an ass tray.

Hey, serena.

Stop, stop, stop.

Stop, serena.

Serena, stop.

What's wrong with you?

God.

Oh. Ow.

God.

Aah!Go away!

Oh, what, what, what, what, what?

- You started it, dude.
- You started it.

Oh!

- What?
- Stop it!

What are you guys doing?

Uh...

Um...

Aah!

My hair!

I got you both!

I'm king of the world.

I'm king of the world!

Hey, it's me.

I didn't mean for it to happen.

I didn't see your dad downstairs.

My mother just decides
everything, you know?

Everything in the world
is just totally up to her.

I know.

Hey, why don't we get out of here?

I'm not going back to that party.

No, i mean, outta here, outta here.

Out of this apartment,
to a place a little more sane.

Any place would qualify.

So you actually threatened lily van der woodsen
with physical violence?

Mom, you are a badass.

Yeah, well, what can i say?

I was younger then
and wearing steel-toed boots.

No, no.

No, we never actually came to blows.

I focused on
transforming my anger into art.

I made some collages.

I wrote a trilogy of 1-act plays
about her,

named the character milly,
to try to be, you know, subtle.

It's clever.

So what was so bad about her?

And i mean aside from the superior
fluttering eyelids and punishing sarcasm.

Well, uh, she was
your dad's first great love,

as she liked to
remind me every chance she got.

It's kind of hard
to compete with that.

You've uh, been in here
for a half-hour.

Yeah, well,
not nearly enough time to fathom

how you allowed me
to walk into this situation.

Allowed you?
Th--

you were the last person i expected
to come through my front door today.

Yeah, well, at the very least,

you knew that serena would come home

and tell me all about the wonderful thanksgiving
she had with dan, his father, oh, and his mother.

Is this really how you think
i deserve to find out?

I don't know what i do
or do not owe you.

I mean, we haven't actually defined
what we are to each other.

Well, maybe this is
the perfect opportunity to do it.

But, lily...

These past few weeks have...

Have been what?

You can't even say it, can you?

I can, but i shouldn't.

Look, for better, for worse,
you're one of my oldest friends.

Oldest friends?

That's certainly not how it felt
when you kissed me at eleanor's party.

What?

Alison, honey...

Dan, will you go and...

Uh, check on jenny and eric.

Yeah.

Mom, where's dad?

How dare you do that.

Leave in the middle
of thanksgiving dinner?

I need to talk to dad.

Dad?

Dad?

Oh, my god.

Dad.

Mom, call 9-1-1.

Hurry!

Dad, please, wake up.

Dad!

Dorita.

THANKSGIVING.

Easy.
THANKSGIVING.LAST YEAR.

- Take a seat, honey.
- Oh, goodness.

Oh, how do i smell now?

Uh, you smell fantastic,

but you might not wanna
keep asking people that.

Serena, you look wonderful.

That shirt was made for you.

Actually, it was made for you.

Well, i knew
there was a reason i liked it.

Yours, too, i see.

And mine.

- No, no, no, no.
- Oh, no, no, no.

Would you help me with the potatoes?

Yes.

Don't tell me it's a big deal.

I'm well aware of the stakes.

Hey.Who's dad talking to?

What now?

The office.

Something about that deal
with the dutch company.

So it looks like i'll have to
slip out for a few minutes.

Dad, it's a holiday.

Not in amsterdam.

Well, we are in america.

Tell them it will wait
till tomorrow.

Sweetheart, i don't want to go.

I have to.

I brought this deal in,

but if meltzer closes it without me,
i don't get the commission.

Forget the commission.

I'll write you a check myself.

Sit.
We're just about to eat.

I think i just lost my appetite.

Your father and his headaches.

Give the man some gravy.

Probably took the vicodin
and forgot.

Had some whiskey,
and the next thing you know--

mom, seriously, did you hear anything
the doctor said?

With what he took,
he could have cured 30 headaches.

Mom, he's got a problem,
and ignoring it almost killed him.

Oh, no.

This is not my fault.

I'm not blaming anybody.

You can blame whoever you want,
just not me.

All i'm guilty of
is trying to make his life easier.

Easier?

You've made his life impossible.

What do you mean?

He's had everything he ever wanted
just handed to him.

My father set him up
with his own firm.

He gave us the house that we live in,
the hamptons, the boat.

He's never had to earn a dime,

and how do you think
that's working out for him, mom, huh?

Wake up!

All he had to do
was sit behind a desk,

put on a suit and not get arrested,

and he couldn't manage to do that.

You want me to give him
more responsibility in the family?

Look, i don't know what the answer is,

but we can't keep going on like this,
or else we'll lose him.

Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt,
but mr.Archibald is awake.

He was asking for you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I'll go see how he's doing.

No.

I will.

I'm not saying
you're overreacting per se,

just having a reaction that is above
and beyond what is appropriate.

I have been killing myself trying
to make upfor what happened in hudson.

Which is not an overreaction,
i might add.

And then i find out that the two of you
are making out at theme parties?

Oh, it was hardly making out,
and there is an explanation.

Hey, guys.
I'm back, and i...

Brought...Blair.

Hey.

Wow.

Weird vibe.

Okay.

Where's dan?

There's no chance
we're related, right?

Oh, look at eric's roots.

What do you mean?

What's wrong with my roots?

They're kind of rufus-like.

Hey.

Serena and blair.

Blair?

Yeah, it's me.

Explanation to follow,

but first,
what's going on with our parents?

Oh, uh, our dad dated your mom.

Yeah, we're not related, though.

What?

Ignore my roots.

Wait.
Wait.What?

You know what's really weird?

There's a garage door
in the middle of your room.

Oh.

Is that cedric?

Wow.This day just got a lot worse.

Hold on.

How serious were they--our parents?

Uh, i think it's safe to say
that they have had sex.

Oh.

No, no, no.

No, i'm gonna faint.

To repeat, we are not related.

She was a groupie,
and he was almost famous.

Suddenly, my family seems so sane.

This is too much to handle
on an empty stomach.

Well, we're not
going back out there, so...

Well, can we
leave here then, please?

Escape.

I don't know.
Maybe eat?

Well, that's why
they call it a fire escape.

I think we're
splitting hairs here, rufus.

An emotional affair
is just as bad as a--as a physical one.

Oh, please, nobody's buying that.

Emotional affairs are necessary
to keep a marriage alive.

And how many times
have you been divorced?

Alison, this is not about lily.

This is about you and me.

Exactly,

and if we're gonna have any chance,
then she can't be here.

What, for thanksgiving?

Or ever?

Oh, you can't be serious.

I am.

Look, i have made mistakes,
and i know that,

but if she's in your life,
you're never gonna get over her.

Alison.

This is it, rufus, okay?

If you wanna make this work,
then you have to make a choice.

Mom, is such a hypocrite, and all these years,
she's been riding me about my behavior.

And here she's just
mad at you for being her.

And all this time, my dad has been giving me
this advice based on this girl he dated.

This girl--"a lot like serena.

" it's her mom.

When you think about it, it makes total
sense that your mom was a groupie.

I mean, only a woman that had completely
satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth

would ever marry your stepdads.

- Blair, can we not talk about mom's appetite?
- Yeah.

Or who-- or who satisfied it.

It's just...

So...

Gross.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hey, mom.

Is everything okay?

Yeah.

Do you--do you wanna go home?

We could call a car.

Oh, no, not yet.

Um, i need fries.

Excuse me.

Could i get some french fries?

And just keep 'em coming.

Sure. Coming right up.

Uh, we should-- jenny and i should
probably head back to the loft.

I'm gonna go, too.

Leave you guys alone.

S.

Thank you for today.

The sandwich was delicious.

I'm calling dr.Sherman tomorrow.

- Bye.
- Bye.

Is that really necessary, mom?

From what i hear, you have been
in places far dirtier than this.

Well...

Please.

Try spending nine hours with
jane's addiction on the ohio turnpike.

Then we'll talk about dirty.

Okay.

See you later, waldorf.

So, uh, so today was not boring.

No.

I never should have asked mom to come home,

but i didn't see this coming.

Who could've?

Don't worry about it.

It's so weird to think that
our parents had lives before us, you know?

I know, or that they had lives
before each other, huh?

Lily seemed pretty upset.

I wonder what happened
while we were gone.

Uh, i-i don't know, but it looks like
we're about to find out.

Hey!

Who's in the mood for a little
humphrey family scrimmage?

What'll it be?

Kids against the parents?

Boys against the girls?

Oh, definitely girls against the boys
because last year,

i got burned
by dan's weak forward pass.

Hey, hey, i was nursing
a rotator cuff injury from aught-5.

Come on, mom.

Let's go work out our plays.

Yep.

So, uh, dad, not that i'm--
not that i'm mad, exactly,

but not telling me about
serena's mom was extremely uncool.

I should've said something, i know.

And i'm sorry.

Given the ick factor alone,

i would say that you set my progress back
by at least several months.

Oh, come on.

You're a humphrey man.

No daughter of lily's could ever resist.

How'd you leave it back there with her?

Well, i wouldn't be expecting lil
over for dinner anytime soon.

Your mom and i need to
focus on the future, not the past.

That's a lot easier for
all of us without her around.

Well...

Well, let's play
with the old pigskin then.

Mom.

Here you are.

And here you are.

You had me worried sick.

Blair, uh...

I know i-i shouldn't have lied
to you about your father.

That never stopped you before.

True.

But...

The real truth...

Divorce papers from your father,
and i'm supposed to sign them.

I haven't yet.

Mom...

He's living in europe...

With a man.

You can't be all that surprised
that he wants a divorce.

I'm not, but what i-- what i am surprised
about is how it makes me feel.

He was my husband, after all.

My harold...

For almost 20 years.

I couldn't face him...

During the holidays.

It was always our happiest time.

Why didn't you just tell me that?

And let you choose
between the two of us?

I wonder who would've won that battle.

Yeah, i would have been entirely alone.

Well, uh, i was anyway.

It's still thanksgiving.

Yeah.

What do you want to do?

Hey.

Oh, you're still here.

I guess i must have fallen back asleep.

Yeah, you were, uh, you were pretty out
of it when i first came in.

Where's your mom?

She's getting coffee.

How's your mom?

She's gonna be all right.

We all are.

So...

Vicodin and whiskey, huh?

I guess i forgot i took that medicine
when i took that drink.

Dad, we're not doing this anymore.

Okay? We're just not.

I know it wasn't an accident.

Of course it was.

And when i found you,
i thought you were dead.

I'm sorry.

I just didn't...

I couldn't-- yes, you can.

Dad, you have to, please.

I know it might not
always feel that way, but...

We need you.

Dad, we need you.

Here you go, nate.

Ah, thank you, mr.Waldorf.

My dad will appreciate this.

- It's a pleasure.
- Keep out the gravy.

He's got high cholesterol.

- Anne, it's thanksgiving.
- Mom, seriously.

- Give the man some gravy.
- It's okay.

- Happy thanksgiving.
- Happy thanksgiving.

Yeah, you, too, man. All right.
See you soon.

Good night, sweetheart.

Good night.

- Hello.Happy thanksgiving.
- Hey.

Hi.

- Happy thanksgiving, blair.
- Hi.

I am looking for my daughter.

Where is my little girl?

Hi.

???

bye, blair.

Happy thanksgiving.

This time, i went for the ginger tea.

Good.

hello.

Where were you?

Exquisite.

Just say it.

Give me my shoe.

hey, dan, will you pass the mashed?

It's over...

What? Oh, yeah, here.
I'm sorry.

Come on, son.

You're asleep at the wheel.

The humphrey family thanksgiving dinner's
a well-oiled machine.

Were you still thinking about
your dream girl?

What?

No.

No, no.

I'm thinking about, um,

your stuffing, mom,

- which looks delicious.
- Yeah.

- Your stuffing.
- Uh-huh.Yeah.

Well, keep dreaming.

You know, maybe one day
she'll actually know your name.

Yeah, maybe,

and then i'll have something
to be thankful for.

Oh, shut up.

Really.

What's that all about?