Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 5 - Dare Devil - full transcript

GOSSIP GIRL
HERE--

YOUR ONE AND ONLY SOURCE INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES
OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE.

OH, MY GOD.

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT'S ON "GOSSIP GIRL."

SOMEONE SAW SERENA AT GRAND CENTRAL.

I'VE WAITED MY ENTIRE ADOLESCENT
LIFE FOR A DATE WITH THIS GIRL.

YOU'D REALLY GO OUT
WITH SOME GUY YOU DON'T KNOW?

WELL, YOU CAN'T BE WORSE ????

YOU'RE GOING OUT
WITH SERENA,

AND I'M GOING
TO KISS ON THE LIPS.

WHO SAID THIS FAMILY
WASN'T COOL?
MM.



WHY IS MY DAUGHTER GOING TO ONE
OF YOUR CONCERTS WITH YOUR SON?

IF YOU WANT TO BE PART
OF THIS WORLD, JENNY,

YOU NEED TO DECIDE
IF ALL THIS... IS WORTH IT.

LOOK, IF YOU'RE READY TO LEAVE,
YOU TELL US, OKAY?

NO MATTER WHAT MOM SAYS.

I WOULD REALLY LIKE
TO GET OUT OF HERE.

I DID THIS.

MY MOM KINDA LEFT US
A COUPLE MONTHS AGO.

MY DAD AND MY SISTER
DON'T REALLY SEE THAT.

I DATED A GIRL
LIKE SERENA ONCE.

YOUR WIFE WOULD NOT WANT THIS ???

SHE DOESN'T DO BACKGROUND CHECKS
ON PROSPECTIVE BUYERS,

AND NEITHER DO I. BESIDES,
IT'S BEEN ALMOST 20 YEARS.

AND YOU STILL ????



HEY, HOW ABOUT
YOU ASK ME OUT AGAIN?

HOW ABOUT
YOU ACTUALLY SHOW UP?

OKAY. NO DRAMA,
NO DISRUPTIONS, I PROMISE.

PROMISE? OH, NO! THAT MEANS
IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN NOW.

AAH! OKAY, QUICK.
I TAKE IT BACK. I UNPROMISE.

FRIDAY. 8:00.

AND WHO AM I?

THAT'S A SECRET
I'LL NEVER TELL.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.

WITH BLAIR'S BOYFRIEND NATE

HELPING TO CLOSE UP THE FAMILY
YACHT FOR THE SEASON,

BLAIR IS FREE TO FOCUS

ON THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT
OF THE FALL--

HER ANNUAL SLEEPOVER,

A TRADITION
SINCE THE YEAR 2000,

EACH ONE MORE DECADENT
THAN THE LAST.

NO EXPENSE OR REPUTATION
IS SPARED.

WITH EVERYTHING FROM TRUNDLE
BEDS TO TRUFFLES IN PLACE,

ALL THAT'S MISSING

IS SLEEPOVER STAR
AND WALDORF B.F.F.

SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN.

HEY, DAD.
I'M HEADED TO THE BANK.

YOU WANT ME TO DEPOSIT THE CHECK
FROM MOM'S SALE WHILE I'M THERE?

DID YOU KNOCK OVER
A PARKING METER?

NO, THIS IS
THE ENTIRE CONTENTS

FROM MY TEENAGE MUTANT
NINJA TURTLE PIGGY BANK.

HOW LONG CAN A MAN
HAVE A PIGGY BANK

AND STILL CALL HIMSELF
A MAN?

I TH--I THOUGHT IT WAS TIME
TO BREAK DONATELLO OPEN.

SO TONIGHT'S THE BIG NIGHT,
HUH?

IT IS,
AND I HAVE IT ALL PLANNED.

6 POUNDS OF PLAN, ACTUALLY.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I TOOK SOMEONE
ON A DATE, BUT, UH,

MOVIE TICKET PRICES HAVEN'T
RISEN THAT MUCH, HAVE THEY?

DAD, THIS IS
SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN.

I CAN'T JUST TAKE HER
TO A MOVIE.

I WANT THIS TO BE PERFECT.

UM... CHECK?

WANT ME TO DEPOSIT IT?

YOU STILL HAVEN'T
TOLD HER YET, HAVE YOU?

DAD,
THAT'S MOM FIRST SALE.

THAT PAINTING SOLD DAYS AGO.
IT'S KIND OF A HUGE DEAL.

I KNOW, WHICH IS WHY
I WAS THINKING

OF SURPRISING HER MYSELF,
HEADING UPSTATE TO HUDSON,

BRINGING HER THE CHECK
IN PERSON. WHAT?

AREN'T I SUPPOSED
TO DELIVER GOOD NEWS IN PERSON?

I THINK THAT'S BAD NEWS.

GOOD NEWS MIGHT JUST BE FINE
WITH A PHONE CALL.

SO YOU'RE SAYING
I SHOULDN'T GO SEE HER?

I'M SAYING, I DON'T THINK MOM
IS A HUGE FAN OF SURPRISES.

YOUR REMEMBER HER,
UH, 30th BIRTHDAY

WITH THE CLOWN
AND HIS LLAMA?

YEAH, THAT DIDN'T...

DIDN'T GO OVER WELL.
IT TANKED.

YEAH. I'LL CALL HER FIRST,
JUST TO BE SAFE.
NEED SOME CHANGE FOR THAT?

HEY! JUST THE LITTLE SISTER
I WAS LOOKING FOR.

I NEED ANSWERS,
AND I NEED THEM NOW.

YOUR BROTHER
IS BEING VERY MYSTERIOUS ABOUT OUR DATE TONIGHT.

WELL, HE'S A VERY MYSTERIOUS
GUY, APPARENTLY.

LOOK, HE WON'T EVEN TELL ME
WHERE WE'RE GOING.

CAN YOU JUST GIVE ME A HINT?

ARE WE GOING
TO SOME SECRET CLUB

TO SEE THE BEST UNSIGNED BAND
IN BROOKLYN?

OR--OR A GUERILLA ART EXHIBIT
IN DUMBO?

OR, HEY, ISN'T THE NEW YORK
FILM FESTIVAL STILL GOING ON?

YOU DON'T LEAVE MUCH ROOM
FOR SURPRISE, DO YOU?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DRESS FOR SURPRISE.

NOT EVERYTHING GOES WITH IT,
YOU KNOW.

WELL, I'D SAY JEANS ???

THE HUMPHREY MEN
DO CASUAL FRIDAY EVERY DAY.
OH.

OH, IT'S MY BROTHER.

OH, I SAY HI.
ERIC, HEY,

Jenny says hi.
WELL, HI BACK.
DID SHE SPILL ABOUT TONIGHT?

NO, NOT A DROP.
YOU ALL PACKED?
Yeah,????

HEY, SPEAKING OF WHICH,
IS MOM STILL THERE?

YEAH, SHE'S TALKING
TO THE DOCTOR NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE'S ACTUALLY LETTING ME
COME HOME FOR A WEEKEND.

I DON'T THINK I EVEN REMEMBER
WHAT A WEEKEND IS.

What time's your date? Maybe
we'll cross paths at the Palace.
7:00.

Can't wait to see u
ME, TOO. BYE.

'KAY, LOVE YOU, ERIC.
BYE.

WHAT WAS THAT I HEARD?
ERIC'S COMING HOME?

PERFECT TIMING.
HOW SO?

WELL, IT GIVES YOUR MOTHER
AND BROTHER TIME TO BOND

ALONE TONIGHT WHILE
YOU GET DRUNK ON SCHNAPPS

AND MOON THE N.Y.U. DORMS
FROM THE LIMO.

BLAIR,????

S., IT'S ONLY THE MOST
IMPORTANT NIGHT OF THE FALL.

OH, THE SLEEPOVER.

I PREFER "SOIREE."

"SLEEPOVER"
IS SO SOPHOMORE YEAR.

LOOK, YOU KNOW I CAN'T GO
TO THAT. I HAVE THAT PLAN.

SERENA, WHEN THERE'S
A WALDORF SOIREE,

THERE'S NOTHING ELSE
ON THE SOCIAL CALENDAR.

BLAIR, THE PLAN IS DAN.

REMEMBER, THE GUY YOU REALIZED
IS ACTUALLY A HUMAN BEING

AND WORTHY OF YOUR TIME
AND ATTENTION?

NO OFFENSE.
NONE TAKEN.

LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY,
BUT THIS DATE IS UNBREAKABLE.

MAYBE WE CAN SWING BY LATER
OR SOMETHING--
I'M NOT A STOP ALONG THE WAY.

I'M A DESTINATION,
AND IF YOU REFUSE TO ATTEND,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND
A REPLACEMENT.

GIRLS, THE WAITING LIST.

OKAY. WELL, UH,
I SHOULD GET GOING.

BYE.
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT.

THANK YOU.

LITTLE JENNY HUMPHREY. WHY
DIDN'T I THINK OF YOU BEFORE?

YOU HAVE NO PLANS.
YOU'RE COMING TO THE SOIREE.

ME? REALLY?
HER? REALLY?

THE THING IS, IF YOU COME,
YOU'LL HAVE TO BE UP

TO A LITTLE MORE
THAN JUST SLEEPING.

I'M UP FOR ANYTHING.

MY PLACE. 7:00 SHARP.

OKAY. BYE.

OH, A GIRL'S FIRST SLEEPOVER--

SOMETHING SHE'LL NEVER FORGET.

LET'S MAKE SURE OF IT.

TAKING BETS
ON HOW LONG SHE LASTS?

50 BUCKS SAY AN HOUR
AND NOT 1 MINUTE MORE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
HE SAID I WAS READY.

WE TALKED ABOUT IT
IN OUR SESSION THIS MORNING.

WHAT HE SAID

IS THAT YOU COULD COME HOME,
NOT THAT YOU SHOULD.

BUT, MOM, I THOUGHT--
I DON'T WANNA ARGUE ABOUT THIS.

I NEED TIME TO THINK.

PLEASE.
LOOK, I TOLD THE DOCTOR I WOULD
TAKE IT UNDER ADVISEMENT.

YOU CAN'T JUST
WALK OUT OF HERE ANYWAY.

THERE'S PAPERS
THAT HAVE TO BE SIGNED,

RELEASE FORMS, INSURANCE--
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU. YOU WANT
TO KEEP ME HERE FOREVER.

IF YOU STILL THINK
I'M "KEEPING YOU HERE,"

THAT JUST PROVES HOW NOT READY
YOU ARE TO COME HOME.

LOOK, WE'LL TALK
ABOUT THIS TOMORROW.

YEAH.
YEAH, YOU BET WE WILL.

HEY.

HEY. HEY, UH,
AM I EARLY OR...

UH...
UM...

NO. NO, I, UH,
I'M JUST RUNNING LATE.

COME IN.

UM... EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO

SLIP INTO SOMETHING
LESS COMFORTABLE.

SURE, SURE.

TALK TO ME WHILE I CHANGE?

I WILL.
OKAY.

SAY, IT'S A NICE PLACE
THAT YOU AND...

800 OTHER PEOPLE
HAVE GOT HERE.

YEAH, THE, UH,
IDENTICAL SURROUNDINGS

DO MAKE YOU CRAZY
AFTER A LITTLE WHILE.

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE

I'M IN A SECRET
GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENT.

MOST GOVERNMENT EXPERIMENTS

DON'T HAVE PLASMA TVs
OR MAID SERVICES.

JUST SOMETHING I'VE NOTICED.

DAN.

DOES SERENA KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

YEAH, OF COURSE.
YEAH, SHE LET ME IN.

AT LEAST,
I HOPE THAT WAS HER.

SHE'S ABOUT, UH,
YEA TALL AND VERY BLONDE?

IT MAKES JOKES. CUTE.

BIG SHOPPING DAY?

I HAD A LOT ON MY MIND.

SO WHERE ARE YOU
TAKING MY DAUGHTER TONIGHT?

I... I DON'T KNOW.

I THOUGHT MAYBE WE'D DO A WALKING TOUR
OF NEW YORK UNDERGROUND,

VISIT MY FRIENDS
THE MOLE PEOPLE.

THEY'RE GREAT, EXCEPT THEY
ONLY EVER EAT LEFTOVERS.

I'M SORRY. I DON'T KNOW WHY
I JUST SAID ANY OF THAT.

I HAVE--I HAVE THIS THING,
THIS NERVOUS TIC

WHERE I NEVER STOP SPEAKING,
LIKE, EVER.

IN FACT, WHEN I WAS
A LITTLE BOY, MY MOM USED TO SAY

THERE WAS NEVER A WORD I MET
THAT I DIDN'T LIKE.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I LIKE?

YOUR DAUGHTER.

I-I REALLY LIKE YOUR DAUGHTER.
I...

WOW.

YOU'RE NOT WEARING THAT
WITH THAT, ARE YOU?

UH, MOM...

HERE. WAIT.

TAKE THIS.

OH, THANK YOU.

HEY, UM, WHERE'S ERIC? I THOUGHT
HE WAS GONNA BE HOME BY NOW.

OH, HE WAS TOO TIRED
TO COME HOME TONIGHT.

MOM.

LATER.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

HOME BY 1:00.
BONUS POINTS FOR 12:45.

OH, MY GOD, A VESPA!

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
I LOVE VESPAS!

OH, MY GOSH.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I SPENT ONE OF MY FAVORITE
SUMMERS RIDING ALL AROUND ITALY

ON ONE OF THESE.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?

MY MOM WON'T LET ME
LEARN TO DRIVE

'CAUSE SHE SAYS
THAT'S WHAT DRIVERS ARE FOR,

BUT REALLY, DAN,
THIS IS AMAZING. REALLY.

COME ON.
WHERE ARE THE HELMETS?

MR. HUMPHREY.

IS HE--IS HE OURS?

YEAH.

OKAY, GREAT.

SPOTTED ON THE STEPS
OF THE PALACE--

CINDERELLA
STEPPING ONTO A PUMPKIN

INSTEAD OF HER CARRIAGE.

LUCKY FOR LONELY BOY,

THERE'S MORE THAN ONE FABLE
FILLING OUR IN-BOX.

IT'S NOT BAD.

I WILL TAKE THAT
FOR YOU, YES?

JENNY! OH, I'M SO GLAD
YOU COULD MAKE IT.

HERE'S AN INSIDE TIP,
LITTLE J.--

THE FASTER YOU RISE,
THE HARDER YOU FALL.

HOPE THAT HELLO KITTY
SLEEPING BAG

DOUBLES AS A PARACHUTE.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

UM,
HOW'S THE BRAISED QUAIL?

VERY GOOD, SIR.

MM. OKAY.
AND THE, UH, THE LAY-PIN?

LAH-PAN. IT'S DELIGHTFUL.

OKAY, WHAT IS THAT AGAIN?
RABBIT, SIR.

OH, WELL,
I WON'T BE HAVING THAT.

UM, HOW ABOUT CHICKEN?

YOU CAN'T GO WRONG WITH CHICKEN.

YES, SIR.
THANK YOU.

MISS?
UH, I'LL HAVE
THE LOBSTER BISQUE

AND MUSCOVY DUCK, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.
MERCI, MADEMOISELLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THE WAITER FORGOT ME.

I WAS--I WAS JUST HERE...
THE OTHER DAY.

YEAH,
I COME HERE FOR THE CROWD.

YOU WANNA PLAY
"MISTRESS OR SECOND WIFE"?

BECAUSE IT'S HARDER
THAN IT LOOKS. BELIEVE ME.

SO IS HER FACE.

UH, WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?
I, UH...

I'M GONNA GO TO THE RESTROOM
TO FRESHEN UP A LITTLE.

YEAH, OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
I THINK THE BATHROOMS ARE--

UH, DON'T WORRY.
I'LL FIND THEM.

OH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.

UH, HOW MUCH IS THAT DUCK
SHE JUST ORDERED?

$78, SIR.

OKAY, RIGHT. THANK YOU.
UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

CAN YOU JUST CANCEL
MY MAIN DISH,

AND I'LL JUST HAVE
THE APPETIZER AS THE MAIN?

OF COURSE, SIR.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. MERCI.

TOO BEYONC?

TOO MARY-KATE.

TOO HANNAH MONTANA.

WOW. EVEN I'M IMPRESSED.

UM, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, DON'T REALLY...
FEEL RIGHT.

WELL, AS MY MOTHER ALWAYS SAYS,
"FASHION KNOWS NOT OF COMFORT."

ALL THAT MATTERS
IS THE FACE YOU SHOW THE WORLD,

AND YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE
IT'S GOING TO A BAT MITZVAH.

BUT BEFORE WE CONTINUE
THE RENOVATION...

MARTINI.

OH, NO, THANKS.
I DON'T LIKE VODKA.

OH, THAT'S NICE,
BECAUSE THIS IS GIN,

AS IT SHOULD BE.

IT'S A PARTY, JENNY.

EITHER SWALLOW THAT OR SWIPE
YOUR METROCARD BACK HOME.

IT'S UP TO YOU.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE. WHO'S READY
FOR A GAME OF "TRUTH OR DARE"?

OH, I LOVE "TRUTH OR DARE."

ONCE I HAD TO EAT
AN ENTIRE BAG OF MARSHMALLOWS.

THAT'S NICE, LITTLE HUMPHREY,
BUT, UM, THAT'S NOT HOW WE PLAY.

WELL, HOW DO YOU PLAY?

I THINK I'LL GO TRUTH.

Hello? Hello?

WHAT AM I, A TEENAGER?

Hello?

YEAH, HEY,
I MUST HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER.

Did you just call
a second ago?

SORRY ABOUT THAT,

BUT I--I'M PRETTY SURE
THIS IS THE RIGHT NUMBER.

Who are you
trying to reach?

IS ALISON HUMPHREY THERE?

Hold on a second.
She just got out of the shower.

Al? It's for you.

Who's calling?

RUFUS HUMPHREY.
WHO IS THIS?

Alexander Bancroft,

uh, just her--just...
I'm--I'm a friend.

SO AM I, IT SEEMS.

I'm here. I'm here. Hello?

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T WANT
ANY OF MY DINNER?

YOU ENTR?E WAS SO SMALL.
NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS AMAZING.

I DIDN'T REALIZE,
UH, FISH COULD BE CREAMED.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE
THE DESSERT MENU?

OH, NO, THANK YOU.
I THINK WE'RE FINE.

SURE YOU DON'T WANT DESSERT?
YEAH.

OKAY, WELL, THEN WE'LL
JUST GET THE CHECK, PLEASE.

UH, ACTUALLY I ALREADY
TOOK CARE OF THAT EARLIER.

WHAT?
MM-HMM.

YEAH, I-I JUST CHARGED IT
ON MY MOM'S CARD.

IT'S--IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW, I CAN PAY. IT'S NOT
LIKE I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.

YEAH, I'M--I'M SURE YOU DO.

YOU JUST SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO SPEND IT HERE.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?

NO. LOOK,
I WANTED A DATE WITH YOU,

JUST NOT THE DATE
YOU THOUGHT I WANTED.

IT'S--IT'S FINE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, THEN...

IF IT'S A REAL DAN HUMPHREY DATE
THAT YOU WANT,

THEN IT'S
A REAL DAN HUMPHREY DATE

THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET.

LET'S GO.
REALLY?

YES. MADEMOISELLE.

SPOTTED FLEEING DESSERT--

S. AND LONELY BOY
LIGHTER THAN AIR

AND HEADING DOWNTOWN.

IT WASN'T EASY GETTING
THE ENTIRE UNIFORM, BUT...

DONE AND DONE.

WHAT'S THE DOORMAN WEARING?

DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT,
LITTLE J.

JUST DRINK UP.
YOU'RE LAGGING BEHIND.

OH, MY PHONE.

"S.O.S. STILL IN PRISON."

IS THAT
ERIC VAN DER WOODSEN?

I THOUGHT HE WENT HOME
FOR THE WEEKEND.

GUESS IT DIDN'T HAPPEN.

IS, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE THE GIRLS TO VISCONTI?

MEET YOU THERE IN AN HOUR?

LET'S RAMP THIS UP,
SHALL WE?

TRUTH OR DARE?

OH, AND YOU ALREADY USED
YOUR TRUTH.

SO... DARE?

I DARE YOU
TO JAILBREAK ERIC.

BLAIR.

IT'S PERFECT. YOU WANT IN,
AND HE WANTS OUT.

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
DO OR DIE, LITTLE J.?

SPOTLIGHT ON LITTLE J,

NOW PUT TO THE TEST
BY ONE QUEEN B.

WILL J. TAKE THE BAIT
AND TURN FROM BRADY TO BRITNEY,

OR WILL
HER GOODY TWO-SHOES MIND-SET

TURN INTO THE NIGHT'S
BIGGEST BUZZ KILL?

Let's do it.

SURPRISE.

JENNY, HEY.
WH--WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOUR S.O.S.
WAS HEARD AND ANSWERED.

COME ON,
WE'RE BREAKING YOU OUT.

WAIT, HOW...

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WE"?

OKAY, I HAVE A PROBLEM.

I HAVE A BIG PROBLEM.

IT STARTS WITH A CAPITAL Rx.

WHAT DRUGS
HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING?

MM, CAFFEINE,

NICOTINE, KETAMINE,

G.H.B., P.C.P., L.S.D.,

DI--DRI--DIAZEPAM,

LORAZEPAM.

ALL THE PAMS, REALLY.

YOU KNOW,
I DON'T DISCRIMINATE.

APPARENTLY NOT.

CODE YELLOW, FLOOR SIX.

WHY DON'T YOU WAIT
RIGHT HERE?

I'LL GET A DOCTOR.

AND I'D LOVE A CAPPUCCINO.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

I HEARD YOU WERE BORED,
AND FIGURED I OWED YOU ONE.

YEAH, TRY 50.

OKAY, COME ON.
GET A MOVE ON. COME ON.

HELLO?

WHAT?

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WH--

HE WAS WITH WHO?

YOUNG, BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL.
YEP,

THAT'S HIS SISTER.

I'LL FIND THEM.

THANK YOU.

AH, OF COURSE.

OOH! AND ANOTHER ONE.

SORRY, JOE.

THAT'S GAME.

UH, THAT'S 75 BUCKS.
I THINK THAT PAYS FOR YOUR DUCK.

THAT IT DOES. THANK YOU.

SO WHAT NOW?

YOU PLAY ME.

YOU?

YEAH, UNLESS YOU'RE AFRAID TO LOSE.

I THINK THE ONLY THING BEING LOST IN THIS GAME
WOULD BE YOUR DIGNITY.

- OH, REALLY?
- YES.

- YOU THINK SO?
- I THINK SO.

WELL, THEN RACK 'EM UP.
I'LL BUY US A SOUNDTRACK.

THIS BETTER NOT BE MY WIFE.

RUFUS, DO YOU ALWAYS
ANSWER THE PHONE LIKE THAT?

LILY?

LISTEN, I NEED YOUR SON'S CELL
PHONE NUMBER. IT'S AN EMERGENCY.

A REAL EMERGENCY
OR A LILY EMERGENCY?

ERIC IS MISSING.

MISSING?

FROM WHERE?

FROM...

HIS--HIS ROOM HERE...

at the hotel.

I--I'M TRYING
TO GET IN TOUCH WITH HIM,

BUT HE'S NOT ANSWERING HIS
PHONE. I THINK HE'S WITH SERENA.

DID YOU TRY HER?

SHE LEFT HER PHONE HERE.

YOUR SON'S CELL NUMBER--
THAT'S ALL I NEED.

THEY'RE ON A DATE, LIL.

IF THEY PICKED ERIC UP ALONG THE WAY,

I bet they're having fun.

I HAVE A SITUATION HERE.

A SITUATION? YOUR SON IS
WITH YOUR DAUGHTER AND MY KID.

I TRUST THEM.
WHY DON'T YOU?

RUFUS.

GOOD-BYE, LILY.
ALWAYS A PLEASURE.

HEY, BABY, YOU WANT TO, UH,

MAYBE SHOW ME TO THE BATHROOM,

GET LOST SOMEWHERE
AROUND THE COAT CHECK?

WELL, MY ANSWER IS USUALLY
"NEVER SAY NEVER,"

BUT FOR YOU,
I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.

OH!

WHO LET THE HEDGE FUND MAFIA
IN HERE?

I THOUGHT MATCHY-MATCHY
WAS OVER.

SO ERIC'S HERE.

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.
TRUTH OR DARE?

DO YOU HAVE TO ASK?

I DARE YOU TO MAKE OUT WITH THAT GUY.

EASY.

AND MEAN IT.

WATCH AND LEARN,
LITTLE HUMPHREY.

I HOPE AMANDA
NEVER FINDS OUT.

WHO'S AMANDA?

JUST MY GIRLFRIEND.

AMANDA NEVER HAS TO KNOW,
DOES SHE?

WELL, I'M NOT TELLING HER.

LOOK WHAT I GOT.

I DARE YOU TO CALL HIS GIRLFRIEND.

HER NAME'S AMANDA.

DONE AND DONE.

HELLO?

AMANDA?

HI. THIS IS BL--

CLAIRE.

YEAH,

I JUST HAD MY TONGUE
DOWN YOUR BOYFRIEND'S THROAT,

AND HE NEGLECTED TO TELL ME YOU EXISTED
UNTIL AFTER IT WAS OVER.

JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW.

HE'S A REAL CATCH.

BYE.

ALL RIGHT,
SLEEPOVER OF THE YEAR.

WHOO!

HEY, EVERYBODY'S
GOTTA START SOMEWHERE.

MAYBE LITTLE J.
ISN'T SO LITTLE ANYMORE.

OH!

OH, NO!

GAME OVER.

YOU LOST FAIR AND SQUARE,

AND THAT'S SQUARED.

OH! AM I REALLY THAT BAD?

THERE AREN'T ENOUGH WORDS
TO DESCRIBE THE KIND OF BAD YOU ARE.

WELL, YOU PROMISED IF YOU
LOST AGAIN, YOU'D TEACH ME.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S A PROMISE I INTEND TO KEEP,
NOT JUST FOR YOU,

BUT FOR DIVE BARS EVERYWHERE
ALL ACROSS AMERICA.

ALL RIGHT, COME HERE.

NOW YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER,
IN POOL, IT'S ALL ABOUT--

TAKE THIS STICK--

REMEMBER, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE ANGLES,
THE RIGHT ANGLE, OF COURSE.

- MM-HMM.
- TAKE THE SHOT.

OKAY.

UM,
BRING YOUR HAND BACK ...

- ... HERE.
- RIGHT.

AND, UH, WAIT.
OH, OKAY. HOLD ON.

YOU GOTTA BE SLOW AND JUST FOLLOW THROUGH,
ALL RIGHT?

OH!

OH! THIS IS MY SONG.
FINALLY.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED
THIS KIND OF MUSIC.

I THINK WE'VE ALREADY ESTABLISHED
THE THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME.

OH, OTH--OTHER THAN YOU'RE ...

TOTAL LACK OF POOLS SKILLS,

WHAT ELSE?

THAT I'M HAVING
THE BEST TIME RIGHT NOW?

THAT I KNEW.

AHEM. THERE'S SOMETHING
VIBRATING IN YOUR POCKET,

AND I REALLY HOPE IT'S YOUR PHONE.

HOLD ON.

OH, IT'S MY DAD.

HE KNOWS I'M WITH YOU.
HE WOULDN'T CALL IF IT WASN'T IMPORTANT.

OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.
TAKE IT.

HELLO?

WHAT?
NO, NO, NO, HE'S NOT.

SERENA LEFT HER PHONE
AT THE HOTEL?

WHAT? WHAT'S UP?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. DAD,
SHE'S STANDING RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME.

WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

WAIT, TAKE CARE OF WHAT?

SLIGHT CHANGE OF PLANS.

NO! NO, NO. NO CHANGE OF PLANS.

I LIKE THIS PLAN OF YOU
TEACHING ME THE ANGLES.

I KNOW.

REMEMBER, CUTE GIRL
WITH TOTAL LACK OF POOL SKILLS?

I REMEMBER.

SO DOES THE TABLE.

COME ON, WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE
THAT'S MORE IMPORTANT THAN THIS RIGHT HERE?

CAN'T IT WAIT TILL TOMORROW?

ACTUALLY, IT CAN'T.

YOU NEED TO CALL
YOUR BROTHER RIGHT NOW.

- HEY. I WAS JUST ABOUT--
- SO I MADE SOME CALLS,

BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, NONE OF MY PEOPLE KNOW
YOUR PEOPLE. SHOCKING, BUT TRUE.

EITHER "DAN HUMPHREY" IS AN ALIAS
OR YOUR SON IS NOT VERY POPULAR.

REGARDLESS,
I NEED THAT NUMBER.

I REALIZED WHEN I GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH YOU

THAT I COULD'VE BEEN
A LITTLE BIT MORE UNDERSTANDING.

- YOU THINK--
- I CALLED DAN.

THANK YOU.

AND YOUR SON'S
NOT WITH THEM.

HE'S NOT?

BUT SERENA GOT ERIC
ON THE PHONE, AND HE'S OKAY,

AND DAN SAID THEY WOULD PHONE
WHEN THEY WERE ALL TOGETHER.

YEAH,

AND YOU DIDN'T THINK
TO CALL AND TELL ME ALL OF THIS?

I WAS JUST ABOUT TO.

NOW I HATE TO SAY THIS, BUT WHY
DON'T YOU SIT AND WAIT HERE?

WE SHOULD HEAR FROM THEM SOON.

FINE.

AND I'LL PASS ON A GLASS OF THAT
NONPREMIUM LIQUOR THAT YOU'RE DRINKING.

BUT I WILL TAKE
SOMETHING TO EAT.

THANK YOU FOR OFFERING.

WHAT? YOU STILL KNOW
HOW TO COOK, DON'T YOU?

DO YOU SEE JENNY
OR YOUR BROTHER?

NO.

ARE YOU HER?
ARE YOU CLAIRE?

WHAT? NO.

UH, ARE YOU SURE
WE'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE?

YEAH.

COME ON.

- WHERE IS SHE?
- HEY! WHOA, WHOA. BABY. WHAT?

WHO? I'M HERE
AT THE CLUB WITH THE GUYS.

HEY!

EXCUSE ME. HELLO.

- WHERE'S MY PHONE?
- HEY, HEY, LET GO OF HER.

- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?
- YOUR PHONE IS AT OUR TABLE.

IF YOU WEREN'T SO DRUNK AND DROOLING OVER
EVERY GIRL IN THIS PLACE,

- YOU WOULD'VE SEEN THAT.
- I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

OH, YOU MUST BE AMANDA, RIGHT?

WELL, I WOULD THINK TWICE
BEFORE MARRYING HIM 'CAUSE HE'S A PIG.

WAIT. HEY, HEY.
BACK OFF OF HER, OKAY?

I DON'T NEED YOU TO DEFEND ME.

IT WASN'T EVEN HER WHO CALLED YOU.

IT WAS ME.

- JENNY?
- SO SHE'S THE ONE WITH THE TONGUE?

TONGUE?

TONGUE--
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE AT A SLEEPOVER.

YOU MADE OUT WITH A GIRL FROM A ????

YOU MADE OUT WITH HIM?
WAIT, I MADE OUT WITH HER.

IT WAS A DARE.

A DARE?
WHAT ARE YOU, CHILDREN?

YEAH, PRETTY MUCH. SHE'S 14?!

- 14?!
- 14?!

JESUS. NO, I SWEAR I HAD NO IDEA, BABY.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HER. I MEAN, SHE'S JAILBAIT.

WHAT--WHAT'S THAT?

DAN, STAY OUT OF IT, OKAY?

YOU'RE JUST CAUSING MORE PROBLEMS
THAN YOU'RE SOLVING.

THE ONLY THING IS THE COCKTAIL NAPKIN
YOU'RE WEARING.

YOU GOT IT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING.

DAN! HEY!

ALL RIGHT, ALL YOU OUT
BEFORE I CALL THE COPS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HEY, SERENA.

SEE? I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.

LET'S GO, COME ON.

ERIC, COME ON.

SPOTTED--

BIG BROTHER
TO THE NOT-QUITE RESCUE.

TOO BAD NO ONE TOLD HIM YOU CAN'T SAVE
A DAMSEL IF SHE LOVES HER DISTRESS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SAUCE?

MM, OH, NOTHING, I'M JUST SO HAPPY
TO HAVE A HOME-COOKED MEAL.

- IT JUST NEEDS A LITTLE SALT.
- WHAT? IT'S PERFECT.

NO, JUST A--JUST A PINCH.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED A BIT.
YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE IN CONTROL.

WELL, I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU COMPLAINING.

WELL, I WASN'T ALLOWED TO.
IT WAS ONE OF YOUR RULES.

YEAH, WELL, I MAY HOLD
THE REINS A LITTLE TIGHT,

BUT LIFE IS COMPLICATED,
ESPECIALLY ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS.

YOU KNOW, WHEN THEY'RE LITTLE,
YOU'RE THEIR WHOLE WORLD.

AND THEN ONE DAY,
THE WALL GOES UP,

AND YOU'RE ON ONE SIDE,
AND THEY'RE ON THE OTHER.

WELL, THEY DON'T LIKE
TO ADMIT IT,

- BUT THEY WANT US TO BREAK THROUGH.
- YEAH, WELL, MAYBE SERENA,

BUT ERIC-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.

YOU'RE OFF CONCERNING ABOUT
A 14-YEAR-OLD BOY BREAKING CURFEW.

WELL, IT'S NOT MY CURFEW
HE'S BREAKING.

HE'S BEEN STAYING
AT THE OSTROFF CENTER.

- OSTROFF CENTER?
- MM-HMM. YEAH.

IS IT DRUGS? DRINKING?

UM, NO,
HE'S NOT A BAD KID.

HE'S JUST--JUST, UM,

A LONELY ONE.

IT'S DEPRESSION?

IS IT BAD?

BAD ENOUGH
TO TRY TO KILL HIMSELF.

I'M SORRY.

NO, I DON'T KNOW WHY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID
OR I DIDN'T DO, BUT...

I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO TO--

TO MAKE SURE
IT DOESN'T HAPPEN AGAIN.

ALL YOU CAN DO
IS BE THERE FOR THEM.

OH, I HOPE THAT'S DAN
OR SERENA.

HELLO?

HEY, GREAT.

UH, YEAH.

ACTUALLY, I CAN TELL HER.
HIS MOTHER'S HERE WITH ME.

IT'S A LONG STORY.

SOUNDS GOOD. TAKE CARE.

SO HE'S WITH DAN AND SERENA,

AND EVERYONE'S FINE.

ALL RIGHT,
I SHOULD GO MEET THEM.

I'LL WRAP THIS UP.

NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS ISN'T GONNA TRAVEL WELL.

WHY DON'T I JUST STAY HERE
AND I CAN EAT IT QUICKLY?

IT WOULD BE A SHAME
TO LET IT GO TO WASTE.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

HE WAS BORED.

HE WANTED TO GET OUT AND HAVE SOME FUN.

SO YOU TOOK HIM TO A BAR?

HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

I THOUGHT YOU'D BE HAPPY.

WELL, I'M NOT, OKAY?
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU DID THIS.

HEY, I WASN'T KIDNAPPED, SERENA.

I LEFT OF MY OWN FREE WILL.

BLAIR WAS TRYING TO DO ME A FAVOR.

TOLD YOU.

WELL, IT'S NO FAVOR, ERIC.
YOU'RE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.

YEAH, I KNOW,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT WAS WORTH IT...

TO BE OUT AFTER DARK

AND TO TALK TO SOMEONE
WHO ISN'T JUST YOU OR MOM,

EVEN IF IT IS BLAIR.

NO OFFENSE.

NONE TAKEN.

WELL, I'M SORRY
THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY.

WE'LL WORK ON MOM, OKAY?

THANKS.

AND SINCE SHE KNOWS
YOU'RE OKAY,

I GUESS THERE'S
NO REAL REASON TO RUSH.

HOW ABOUT WE WALK?

OH, CALL ME.

YEAH, I WILL.

I WAS TALKING TO ERIC.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
THIS IS NOT WHO YOU ARE.

AND WHO ARE YOU RIGHT NOW?
DAD?

UH, WE ARE NOT
DOING THIS RIGHT NOW.

WE CAN DO THIS AT HOME.
LET'S GO.

EXCEPT I'M NOT GOING HOME.
I'M GOING WITH MY FRIENDS.

COMING, JENNY?

YEAH. ONE SECOND.

LOOK, ALL RIGHT, I'M SORRY THAT THINGS
GOT OUT OF HAND TONIGHT.

TO SAY THE LEAST.

I KNOW WHO BLAIR AND THOSE GIRLS ARE,

BUT I KNOW WHO I AM,

AND I'M NOT GONNA FORGET THAT
JUST 'CAUSE I HANG OUT WITH THEM.

COME ON! WE'RE LEAVING!

I'M COMING!

JUST LET ME GO. PLEASE?

I MEAN, LOOK, I'LL BE TUCKED
IN BED IN A HALF-HOUR.

I PROMISE.

UH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT. YEAH, GO AHEAD.

THANK YOU.

HEY.

I, UH, I GOTTA TAKE HIM
BACK TO THE CENTER.

SO WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST CALL IT A NIGHT.

WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'LL GO WITH YOU.

NO, IT'S OKAY.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I WANT TO.

COME ON. LET'S GO.

THIS JUST IN--"TRUTH OR DARE"
HAS GONE INTO OVERTIME.

LOOKS LIKE
NO ONE TOLD LITTLE J.

THAT YOU DON'T BEAT A WALDORF
AT HER OWN GAME.

YOU WANT ME TO STEAL
THE JACKET FROM THE MANNEQUIN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

BLAIR,
IT'S YOUR MOM'S STORE.

I MEAN, YOU COULD HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT.

SO CAN YOU...

UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT TO,

WHICH IS TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLE,

AND I WOULDN'T JUDGE YOU
FOR THAT.

I DON'T GET IT.

THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT.

IT'S JUST A SHAME,
'CAUSE YOU'VE COME SO FAR.

THE JACKET?

JUST THE JACKET.

OH, GOD.

FIVE, FOUR, THREE,

TWO, ONE.

OKAY, COME ON, RUN.

GUYS! COME BACK! LET ME OUT!

ARE YOU STILL THE SAME GUY
YOU WERE WHEN I TOOK THIS PHOTO?

WHAT? YOU TOOK THAT PHOTO?
YOU WEREN'T EVEN AT THAT SHOW.

OH, EXCUSE ME.

IF I REMEMBER,
THE FIRST SONG WAS ABOUT ME,

THE SECOND ONE
WAS ABOUT ...

YOUR MOTORCYCLE

AND THEN THERE WAS THE ONE ABOUT
THAT SURF TOWN. WHAT WAS IT?

SAYULITA.

FISHERMEN'S TOWN.

WAS THAT THE ONE
WITH THE VILLA WHERE WE...

YES, INDEED, IT WAS.

GOD, I MUST HAVE TAKEN
EIGHT ROLLS OF FILM THAT NIGHT.

WH--WHY DID YOU
GIVE UP PHOTOGRAPHY ANYWAY?

YOU LOVED IT SO MUCH.

WELL,
I GUESS I FIGURED, UM,

SOCIAL CLIMBING
WOULD BE MORE FULFILLING.

I EVEN REMEMBER THE BLACK DRESS
I WORE THAT NIGHT.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK
IT MAY HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN BLUE.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T
REMEMBER ME BEING THERE.

UH, CAN YOU GRAB THAT, LIL?
AND IF IT'S MY SON

BE NICE TO HIM.

HELLO, HUMPHREY RESIDENCE.

HI, ALISON.

YEAH, IT'S, UM, LILY.

YEAH. H-HOLD ON. JUST...

ALISON?

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
SOME EXPLAINING TO DO.

TRUST ME, I DON'T OWE ALISON
ANY EXPLANATION RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'VE OVERSTAYED MY WELCOME.

OKAY.

I HOPE EVERYTHING
TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, ME, TOO.

THANKS FOR BABYSITTING ME,

AND THANK YOU FOR BEING
SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.

YEAH.

IT WAS ALMOST FUN.

GOOD NIGHT, RUFUS.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO SHOW ME SOME FORM
OF IDENTIFICATION, MISS.

I'M ONLY 14.

I DON'T HAVE ANY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT
AT THIS HOUR?

- I, UM...
- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

MY NAME IS BLAIR WALDORF.

THIS IS MY MOTHER'S SHOP.

HER NAME IS ELEANOR.

I LEFT MY JACKET HERE EARLIER,

I MEAN--WHICH IRRITATES
MY MOTHER TO NO END.

AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT
ABOUT THE ALARM.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S YOUR HOME
PHONE NUMBER SO WE CAN CALL HER?

OH, SHE'S NOT HOME. I MEAN,
SHE'S IN PARIS UNTIL THURSDAY.

IT'S SIX HOURS AHEAD
IF YOU WANT TO CALL.

SHE'S GONNA BE SO ANGRY.

WELL, LOOK, WE CAN'T JUST LET YOU GO
WITHOUT CONFIRMING YOUR STORY.

I HAVE MY OWN SET OF KEYS.

YOU CAN WATCH ME LOCK UP.

WELL, I CAN SEE WHY YOUR BROTHER
WOULD WANT TO LEAVE.

THAT PLACE IS, UH,
IS VERY DEPRESSING.

AND YET, IT'S DESIGNED
TO TREAT DEPRESSION.

HE'S A GOOD KID--ERIC.
HE IS.

YEAH.

JENNY'S NOT SO BAD EITHER.

YEAH?

- YEAH.
- YEAH, I-I-I KNOW. I KNOW.

I JUST WORRY
ABOUT HER SOMETIMES.

WELL,
WORRY LOOKS CUTE ON YOU.

LOOK, I'VE SEEN
JENNY IN ACTION,

AND MY HUNCH IS

SHE DOESN'T LET HERSELF GET PUSHED
IN ANYTHING SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO.

NO, I-I KNOW. I KNOW.
IT'S JUST...

SHE'S NEVER MENTIONED THAT
HER IDEA OF A GREAT FRIDAY NIGHT

CONSISTS OF PAINTING HER FACE
FULL OF MAKEUP,

AND STUMBLING OUT TO A HIP BAR
IN HIGH HEELS

AND HANGING OUT WITH A BUNCH
OF DRUNK WALL STREETERS

WHO DON'T EVEN CARE IF SHE HAS A NAME.

WELL, MAYBE THAT WASN'T HER IDEA
FOR A GREAT FRIDAY NIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT'S OKAY FOR HER TO WANT TO BE FRIENDS
WITH THE PEOPLE SHE GOES TO SCHOOL WITH.

WHY?

I'M NOT.

AND IF YOU MADE
HALF THE EFFORT SHE DID,

MAYBE WE WOULD'VE MET
A LONG TIME AGO.

THAT'S TRUE.

THEN SO MAYBE YOU WOULD'VE
KISSED ME ALREADY.

NO FIVE-STAR RESTAURANTS.

NO TOWN CAR.

NO SMOKY POOL HALL
OR BAD '80s MUSIC.

LOOKS LIKE WE FINALLY FOUND
COMMON GROUND.

HEY, MOM.

SORRY ABOUT TONIGHT.

NO, WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT
IN THE MORNING,

AFTER YOU'VE HAD A GOOD NIGHT'S
SLEEP IN YOUR OWN BED.

I'M GOING HOME?

I'M NOT SURE EXACTLY HOW
THIS IS GONNA WORK, YOU KNOW.

HEY, I'M NOT WORRIED.

IT'S A GOOD THING
I DIDN'T UNPACK.

CATCH.

JENNY?

LOOKS LIKE
YOU CAME TO PLAY AFTER ALL.

YOU KNOW WHICH TRUNDLE BED
IS YOURS.

SLEEP TIGHT.
YOU'VE EARNED IT.

ACTUALLY, I'M GOING HOME,

BUT, UH,

THANKS FOR INVITING ME.
IT WAS A BLAST.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
YOU'RE GOING HOME?

NOBODY EVER
LEAVES A SLEEPOVER.

WELL, I GUESS THERE'S FIRSTS
FOR EVERYTHING.

OH, AND I'M KEEPING
THE JACKET,

IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.

MONDAY?

LUNCH ON THE STEPS?

DONE AND DONE.

WORD IS JENNY HUMPHREY KILLED
AT BLAIR WALDORF'S SLEEPOVER.

IT WAS A DEBUT THE LIKES OF WHICH
HAVEN'T BEEN SEEN SINCE BLAIR HERSELF.

IF BLAIR'S
GOTTA WATCH HER BACK,

SERENA'S NEEDS TO KEEP AN EYE
ON HER HEART.

WE HEAR IT MAY HAVE BEEN STOLEN
BY LONELY BOY.

PUTTING OUT AN A.P.B,

GOSSIP GIRL.

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