Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 3 - Poison Ivy - full transcript

GOOD MORNING***

GOSSIP GIRL HERE--
YOUR ONE AND ONLY SOURCE

INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES
OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE.

TOP STORY ON MY HOME PAGE--

SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN,
EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE "IT" GIRL

HAS JUST RETURNED
FROM A MYSTERIOUS ABSENCE

AND WAS LEARNING THE HARD WAY

THAT YOU CAN NEVER
GO HOME AGAIN.
(cell phone rings)

YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE
WHAT'S ON "GOSSIP GIRL."
SOMEONE SAW SERENA GETTING OFF

SERENA?
SERENA'S AT SCHOOL.

WHY'D SHE RETURN?
LET ME GUESS--
YOU TOLD EVERYONE



ERIC'S JUST VISITING GRANDPA
IN RHODE ISLAND.

YOUR AUNT CAROL IN MIAMI.
HE TRIES TO TAKE HIS OWN LIFE,

AND YOU'RE WORRIED IT'S GONNA
COST YOU MOM OF THE YEAR?

MUST BE A LOT OF RUMORS
WHY YOU'RE BACK.
NONE OF THEM MENTION YOU.

NATE'S GONNA WAIT FOR SERENA.
HE CAN GET IN LINE
BEHIND THAT GUY.

I DON'T NEED SOME NEW BOY
INFLUENCING HER,

DISTRACTING HER
FROM HER NEEDS.
A KID LIKE DAN IS

GUESS WHO'S DAD IS COOL?

IT'S A TRICK QUESTION.
YEAH,
'CAUSE IT CAN'T BE OURS.

YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH SERENA,
AND I'M GOING

TO KISS ON THE LIPS. WHO SAID
THIS FAMILY WASN'T COOL?

I THOUGHT EVERYTHING
WAS GOOD BETWEEN US.

IT WAS... BEFORE I FOUND OUT
YOU HAD SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND.

GREAT,
JUST IN TIME FOR BRUNCH.



I TOLD HER TO STAY AWAY.

I'M NOT SNEAKING AROUND
WITH YOU.
JUST TO TALK.

YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER
SPEAK TO HER AGAIN.

SO YOU SLEPT WITH
YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BOYFRIEND.
IS THAT TRUE?

THEN SHE RAN AWAY
AND LIED ABOUT IT.

POOR DANIEL--SO LITTLE TIME,
SO MANY SLUTS TO DEFEND.

THIS WORLD,
IT'S--IT'S CRAZY.

AND YOU'RE A PART OF IT.

BLAIR, HOW CAN I FIX THIS?

YOU DON'T, SERENA.
YOU JUST STAY AWAY.

BUT NOW THAT SERENA IS BACK,

WILL THE UPPER EAST SIDE
EVER BE THE SAME?

IT TAKES TWO TANGLE,

AND GIRLS LIKE THESE
DON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT.

AND WHO AM I?

THAT'S A SECRET
I'LL NEVER TELL.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.

(girls choir) * G-L-A-M

THERE'S PLENTY OF UPSIDE

TO BEING THE SPAWN
OF THE FABULOUSLY WEALTHY.

BUT THE DOWNSIDE?

SUPER SUCCESSFUL PARENTS

EXCEPT NOTHING LESS
FROM THEIR OFFSPRING.

AND WHEN IT COMES TO COLLEGE,
THAT MEANS THE IVIES.

IT'S MORE THAN JUST
GETTING INTO COLLEGE.

IT'S SETTING A COURSE
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

AND FOR THOSE FEW
WHO AREN'T LEGACIES,

THE PRESSURES ARE NO LESS.

WHEN PARENTS HAVE SACRIFICED
FOR THEIR CHILDREN'S FUTURES,

WHAT KID WOULD
WANNA LET THEM DOWN?

* G-L-A-M * G-L-A-M

* O-R-O-U-S, YEAH * O-R-O-U-S

* G-L-A-M * G-L-A-M

* O-R-O-U-S, YEAH * O-R-O-U-S

* WE'RE FLYING FIRST CLASS
UP IN THE SKY *

* POPPIN' CHAMPAGNE,
LIVIN' THE LIFE *

* I WON'T CHANGE
BY THE GLAMOROUS *

* OOH, THE FLOSSY, FLOSSY

* THE GLAMOROUS, GLAMOROUS,
BY THE GLAMOROUS *

* OOH, THE FLOSSY, FLOSSY
* CHANGE

(woman) THANK YOU, LADIES.

GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS.
I ASK ALL OF YOU

TO SHOW A LITTLE SYMPATHY
FOR OUR JUNIOR CLASS.

THEY ARE ALMOST THROUGH
WITH IVY WEEK.

AS IS
OUR LONG-STANDING TRADITION,

THE CONSTANCE BILLARD GIRLS

WILL BE IN CHARGE
OF FRIDAY NIGHT'S MIXER,

AND THE ST. JUDE'S BOYS

WILL PROVIDE THE USHERS FOR
THE VISITING REPRESENTATIVES.

(woman) FOR THOSE OF YOU
WHO DREAM

OF ATTENDING
AN IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL,

THIS MIXER IS THE MOST IMPORTANT
EVENT OF YOUR LIFE.

BUT NO PRESSURE.
(both chuckle)

AH, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
IT LOOKS LIKE I SHAVED
WITH A WOOD CHIPPER.

I WAS GOING
WITH MORE OF A CHAIN SAW.
NOT HELPING.

NOT TRYING TO.
HEY, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE--
YOU'RE NOT A HEMOPHILIAC.

OTHERWISE, YOU'D--
YOU'D BE IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

AND THAT'S HELPING?
MM, NOT REALLY.

(Rufus) DARTMOUTH'S
GONNA LOVE YOU.
YEAH, I GOTTA BELIEVE

BEING ABLE TO SHAVE IS
A PREREQUISITE FOR ATTENDING.

NO ONE IS BETTER QUALIFIED,

NO ONE IS SMARTER,
MORE WELL-ROUNDED...
OR WOUNDED?

I HAVE A TRUST FUND
TO FALL BACK ON, DAD.

YOU KNOW, ALL I HAVE
IS WHAT'S UP HERE.
OH.

(Rufus) WELL, THAT IS
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

COLLEGE IS
ABOUT ACADEMIC EXCELLENCE,

NOT YOUR STOCK PORTFOLIO.

BESIDES, YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT
IN YOUR INTERVIEW.

YOU TAKE AFTER YOUR DAD
THAT WAY.

SPOTLIGHT DOESN'T PHASE US.

OOH, YOU BETTER HOPE THERE'S
NOT A SPOTLIGHT INVOLVED.

I'M YOUR SISTER.
IT'S WHAT I DO.

NOT WHEN
IT'S ABOUT DARTMOUTH.

(woman) REMEMBER, STUDENTS...
NATHANIEL,
A LITTLE WAKE AND BA

WE HAVE
OUR INTERVIEWS TODAY.

MY POINT EXACTLY.

(whispers)
I HAVE MY 1-HITTER.

(woman) ...BUT UNDERCLASSMEN

SHOULD CONSIDER THIS WEEK
A DRESS REHEARSAL.

YOU ARE NOT ONLY REPRESENTING
YOURSELVES THIS WEEK,

BUT GENERATIONS FROM OUR SCHOOL
AND YOUR FAMILIES.

TRY NOT TO CUT ME OFF
NEXT TIME.

YOU ALMOST KNOCKED ME
OVER THE SIDE OF THE BENCH.

I DIDN'T CUT YOU OFF.
(laughs)

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
YOU WIN FAIR AND SQUARE,

AND NOTHING
COULD MAKE ME PROUDER...

TILL YOU GET IN
THE OLD ALMA MATER, THAT IS.
DAD, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS,

ABOUT ME KEEPING MY OPTIONS
OPEN, LOOKING OUT WEST.
YEAH, OF COURSE,

BUT LET'S GET SERIOUS HERE.

SOMEONE WITH YOUR GRADES
WANTS TO GET INTO DARTMOUTH,

YOU NEED TO APPEAR
TO BE WORKING FOR IT.
DA I--

USHERING THE REP
IS A GOOD STEP.
HOW COME EVERY TIME

YOU ACT LIKE IT'S A JOKE?
NATE, THERE'S A PLAN HERE.

MAYBE I WANT
TO MAKE MY OWN PLAN.
LISTEN, YOUR MOTHER AND I

SO YOU CAN JUST MAKE THINGS UP
AS YOU GO ALONG.

DARTMOUTH,
LAW SCHOOL, BLAIR.

SOON YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
EVERYTHING.

LISTEN, I'M LATE FOR WORK.
NAIL THAT INTERVIEW TODAY.

GO, GREEN!

(woman) AS PART
OF IVY WEEK'S FESTIVITIES,

AT TOMORROW NIGHT'S MIXER,

BLAIR WALDORF
WILL ANNOUCHARITY

HER COMMUNITY OUTREACH COMMITTEE
WILL HONOR THIS YEAR.

HAVE YOU SEEN SERENA?
I WONDER WHERE SHE IS.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WONDER?

HOW I'M SUPPOSED
TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT YALE

WITH ALL THIS TALK
ABOUT SERENA.

DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN DAD GAVE
ME MY FIRST YALE SWEATSHIRT?

I DON'T THINK
ANY PIECE OF CLOTHING

HAS EVER FIT ME MORE PERFECTLY,

NOT TO MENTION HOW ADORABLE
I FOUND THAT BULLDOG.

REMEMBER WHEN I ASKED YOU
IF I COULD GET A BULLDOG?

GOOD CALL, BY THE WAY,
SAYING NO.

AND NOW THE BIG DAY
IS FINALLY HERE.

SOON NATE AND I
WILL BE AWAY AT COLLEGE.

HIM COMING DOWN TO YALE,
ME GOING UP TO DARTMOUTH.

DAD FLYING IN
FOR THE PRINCETON GAME.

I HOPE IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU
FEEL OLD WATCHING ME GROW UP.

EAT UP, MISS BLAIR.

YOUR MOM WOULD WANT YOU
TO HAVE A GOOD BREAKFAST.

(woman) AND NOW
HEADMASTER PRESCOTT...

SO SERENA'S REALLY NOT HERE?

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
WHEN YOU WEREN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING.

(man) THANK YOU, MISS TEDROW.

SERENA, COME ON. HURRY UP.
YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE.

I AM! AND I KNOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
STAYED AT YOUR BROTHER'S AGAIN.

I MEAN, WHY SLEEP THERE? IT'S
NOT LIKE HE CAN EVEN SEE YOU.

HIS EYES ARE CLOSED.

DO YOU HAVE ONE MATERNAL BONE
IN YOUR ENTIRE BODY?

U SE, YONEED YOUR REST,
OKAY? IT'S IVY WEEK.

I KNOW, AND IF I CAN GET OUT
OF THIS HOTEL ROOM,

IT'S MY SOLE MISSION IN LIFE
TO IMPRESS THAT BROWN REP.

WELL, I AM SO THRILLED TO HEAR
YOU SAY THAT'S STILL YOUR PLAN,

BECAUSE, I MEAN,

I KNOW IT'S SOMETHING
WE'VE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT,

BUT HONESTLY,
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN BACK,

I'VE, UH, WONDERED IF YOUR MIND
WAS EVEN ON COLLEGE.

LOOK, MOM, I'VE HAD MY MIND
ON A LOT OF THINGS.

BUT SINCE RECENT EVENTS,

GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.

HOW, UM, HOW DID YOU
LEAVE THINGS WITH DAN?

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOU AND BLAIR?
MOM, PLEASE!

IT'S O--
LOOK, ALL I WANNA DO

IS JUST FINISH HIGH SCHOOL
IN PEACE

AND GO AWAY TO A STATE

WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE
WHO DON'T KNOW WHO I AM

AND JUST START OVER, OKAY?

TAKE A CAB. DON'T WALK.

(under breath) OH, GOD.

(normal voice) GOD,
PLEASE DON'T TELL ME IT'S OVER.

WHAT? YOU WERE THERE.
I-I WOULD SAY IT'S PRETTY OVER.

I MEANT THE ASSEMBLY.

OH, RIGHT. NO, YEAH,
NO, IT JUST ENDED NOW.

DAMN IT.

ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK.

YEAH, YOU, TOO.

OH, TOO BAD YOU MISSED
THE ASSEMBLY.

NOT THAT IT MATTERS.

BROWN DOESN'T OFFER
DEGREES IN SLUT.

SPOTTED--

S. NOT SO FASHIONABLY LATE
AND DRESSED DOWN BY B.

GAME ON, LADIES.
(whistle blows)

(will.i.am) * BABY, WHERE'D YOU
GET YOUR BODY FROM? *

* TELL ME
WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR BODY FROM *

* BABY, WHERE'D YOU GET
YOUR BODY FROM? *

* TELL ME
WHERE'D YOU GET YOUR BODY FROM *

(woman) * I GOT IT FROM MY MAMA,
I GOT IT FROM MY MAMA *

LOOK, I MADE A MISTAKE
WITH NATE, OKAY?

BUT THEN YOUAB

WE DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS,
BUT--OH!
(whistle blows)

UGH!
WHAT'S UP, WALDORF?

SORRY. IT SLIPPED.

I'M FINE.

I REALLY WANT TO BELIEVE
THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
THEN YOU MUST BE DELUSIONAL.

* WHERE'D YOU GET
YOUR BODY FROM *

* BABY, WHERE'D YOU GET
YOUR BODY FROM? *
(blows whistle)

THANK YOU.

* I GOT THIS FROM MY MAMA,
ALL THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE *

OOH!
(whistle blows)

RUNNING OUT OF COLORS HERE,
BLAIR.

AND I'M RUNNING OUT
OF PATIENCE. ENOUGH, OKAY?

IT'S ENOUGH
WHEN I SAY IT'S ENOUGH.

* LADIES

* L-L-LADIES

OH!
(whistle blows)

(Blair groans) GOD!

(whistle blows)
(man) GIRLS, BREAK IT UP!

GET OFF OF ME!
IS THAT ENOUGH YET?!

* SHE PRETTY LIKE HER MAMA,
AND IF HER MAMA REAL UGLY *

SO WE'VE ACTUALLY
COME TO PHYSICAL BLOWS, HUH?

TRUCE?

OW! MY LEG!

(man) SERENA,
YOU'RE OUT OF HERE.
(Kati) OH, MY GOSH.

OW. OW.
I HOPE IT'S BROKEN.

HEY, UPPER EAST SIDERS.

WE HEAR THAT WORLD WAR III
JUST BROKE OUT,

AND IT'S WEARING KNEESOCKS.

CHOOSE YOUR SIDE
OR RUN AND HIDE.

WE HAVE A FEELING
THIS ONE'S TO THE DEATH.

BE THE DARTMOUTH USHER?
WELL, I'VE GIVEN THIS
A LOT OF THOUGHT,

AND I THINK I CAN ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION IN THREE PARTS.

AND I'D LIKE TO START
WITH THE THIRD PART FIRST,

IF IT'S COOL, UNLESS, UH,
THAT WOULD BE CONFUSING.

IN WHICH CASE, I CAN START
AT THE BEGINNING. (chuckles)

UM, THE DARTMOUTH
"PRINCIPLES OF COMMUNITY"

HIGHLIGHT INTEGRITY,

RESPONSIBILITY
AND CONSIDERATION.

UH, WELL, FROM ST. JUDE'S,
I'VE LEARNED INTEGRITY.

FROM BEING AN OLDER BROTHER,
I HAVE LEARNED RESPONSIBILITY,

AND FROM MY PARENTS,

WHO HAVE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING
TO SEND ME TO THIS SCHOOL,

I'VE LEARNED CONSIDERATION.

IT REALLY COMES DOWN
TO ONE THING--

DARTMOUTH IS MY DREAM,

AND I'VE NEVER ASKED DARTMOUTH,
BUT...

I THINK
IT'S BEEN DREAMING OF ME.

THAT--THAT WAS A JOKE,

OR AN ATTEMPT AT ONE.

NEXT QUESTION.

(man) YOU ARE THE IDEAL
DARTMOUTH CANDIDATE.

THANK YOU, SIR.

AND IT WOULD BE AN HONOR
TO ATTEND DARTMOUTH.

I'VE GROWN UP HEARING
ALL ABOUT IT FROM MY FATHER.

I'M JUST NOT SURE
IT'S MY FIRST CHOICE,

AND IF THERE'S ONLY
ONE USHER POSITION AVAILABLE,

I'M SURE THERE'S SOMEONE
WHO WANTS IT MORE THAN ME.

WHY SHOULD I BE CHOSEN
TO BE AN USHER?

I'M CHUCK BASS.

(Mr. Tedrow) EXCUSE ME.

HEY.

YOU GET THE ONE
YOU WANTED?

UH...

NO. NO, ACTUALLY,
YOU DID...

WHICH MAKES TOTAL SENSE
BECAUSE I'M SECOND IN OUR CLASS,

AND YOU'RE SOMEWHERE AROUND--

WHAT, I DON'T KNOW,
UH, LAST?

NO HARD FEELINGS, HUH?

WHY SHOULD THERE BE?
I MEAN, HOW MANY LIBRARIES

HAS YOUR DAD HAD TO ENDOW
TO GET YOU THIS SPOT?

YOU'VE EARNED IT.
LOOK, MAN, YOU DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT MY FAMILY.

I'M SORRY.
YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'M SURE J.L. HALL
WILL BE VERY IMPRESSED

WITH YOUR PASSION
FOR THE DARTMOUTH EXPERIENCE.

WHO THE HELL IS J.L. HALL?
HE'S THE IVY REP.

YOU MIGHT WANT
TO PICK UP HIS BOOK

IF YOU WANT ANYTHING
TO TALK ABOUT.

"THE PETTING ZOO"--

THAT'S THE NAME
OF HIS BOOK.

WHOA. ANGRY GUY, HUH?

SHORT FUSE.
I'M TRYING TO WORK ON THAT.

WELL, LET ME KNOW
HOW THAT GOES FOR YOU.

YEAH, I'LL--
I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.

IT'S A TOUGH WEEK.
NOT FOR ME, APPARENTLY.

OH, YOU GOT
AN USHER POSITION?
NO, I DIDN'T.

UH, IN AN IRONIC THOUGH
NOT TOTALLY UNEXPECTED TWIST,

NATE GOT THE ONE I WANTED.

I'M SORRY.

YEAH, WELL, I GUESS THAT'S LIFE
WHEN YOU'RE NOT A LEGACY.

WELL, HEY, JUST 'CAUSE
YOU'RE NOT AN USHER

DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE NOT
GONNA GET INTO AN IVY.

YEAH? WH--UH, WHERE'D
YOUR PARENTS GO TO SCHOOL?

HARVARD AND BROWN.

THAT'S--THAT'S ALL
I'M SAYING.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
SERENA DID THIS.
YEAH, SUCH A CHEAP SHOT.

(beep)
FINALLY.

HELLO TO YOU, TOO. I HEARD ABOUT
THE FIELD HOCKEY THROW DOWN.

ALL THOSE MOUTH GUARDS
AND SHORT SKIRTS--

I HOPE SOMEBODY FILMED IT.

(scoffs) YOU'RE HEINOUS.
Which is probably
why you called.

YOU KNOW ME WELL.

WOMEN LIKE TO PRETEND THEY'RE
COMPLICATED. I KNOW BETTER.

MY LEG'S NUMB NOW.
HOW ABOUT A HEATING PAD?

SURE.
OKAY.

SERENA CAME HOME
FOR A REASON.

ONE CAN ONLY GUESS.
I'M DONE GUESSING.

I WANT ANSWERS,
AND NO ONE LIKES TO BE

ON THE GROUND FLOOR OF A SCANDAL
LIKE CHUCK BASS.
I AM A BITCH WHEN I WANNA BE.

OPPORTUNITY TO CAUSE
SOME TROUBLE, UNCOVER A SECRET?

TAKE "YES" FOR AN ANSWER.

LET'S TURN BACK TO SCHOOL.

I LEFT SOMETHING IMPORTANT
BEHIND.

OH, DANNY BOY,
HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

HE'S ABOUT TO HYPE DINNER.
'CAUSE NO MATTER
HOW GOOD IT WAS,

IT'S ABOUT TO GET
A LOT BETTER.

I'VE OUTDONE MYSELF
WITH THE BOLOGNESE.

(man) * TRAY TABLES UP

* TIME FOR THE TEST

* WE'RE GOING DOWN

* WE DID OUR BEST

(muffled) SORRY ABOUT
THE MELODRAMATIC ENTRANCE.

YOU DIDN'T GET IT?

NO, I DIDN'T GET IT.

AND THAT I DO NOT GET.

THEY...

THEY GAVE IT TO NATE...

(muffled) ARCHIBALD!

OH!

* BAD THINGS DON'T HAPPEN

LAST YEAR, UH, I BELIEVE
HE HAD AN ORIGINAL THOUGHT.

IT DIED OF LONELINESS.

* THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

I'M SORRY.

YOU'RE SORRY?

YEAH, I KNOW HOW MUCH
YOU AND MOM SACRIFICED.

THE WHOLE REASON YOU SEND US
TO A SCHOOL LIKE THIS

IS SO WE CAN GO
TO A COLLEGE OF OUR CHOICE.

WHAT IF THAT'S ALL
FOR NOTHING?

IT'S NOT, OKAY?

IT'S NOT.

SO YOU DON'T GET
TO BE THE USHER

OF SOME WHATEVER PARTY.

DAD, CAN I JUST, UM,
STEW ALONE FOR AWHILE?

* AND THEN I STILL CARE

WE'RE HUMPHREYS, DAD.

NOT EXACTLY ROYALTY UPTOWN.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH THAT?

NO,

BUT I'M USED TO IT.

THIS IS WAY TOO GOOD.
(dialing cell phone)

MOM, HOW'S PARIS?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE

WHERE I FOUND
OUR LITTLE PRINCESS.

REALLY?

(mouse button clicking)
(Chuck) ADMIT IT.

EVEN FOR ME, THIS WAS GOOD.
IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A PERV,

I'M SURE THE C.I.A.
WOULD HIRE YOU IN A SECOND.

DEFENDING MY COUNTRY--THERE'S
A FUTURE I NEVER IMAGINED.

WITH GOOD REASON.
WHAT IS SHE DOING THERE?

WELL, WHAT'S ANYONE
DOING THERE?

IT'S A FACILITY
FOR THE DISTURBED OR ADDICTED.

YOU MUST HAVE
YOUR OWN WING.

YOU DON'T GET NEARLY
ENOUGH CREDIT FOR YOUR WIT.

SO THE QUESTION IS,
WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

WELL, I WAS THINKING...

TOTAL SOCIAL DESTRUCTION.

AND HERE I THOUGHT
YOU WERE GETTING SOFT.

SO THIS IS YOUR BED,
HUH?

LEAVING NOW.

YOU CAN REPAY ME
ANOTHER TIME.

I'VE BEEN IN THESE SESSIONS
EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST WEEK,

BUT NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE
UNLESS SHE STOPS HIDING HIM HERE

AND LETS HIM
HAVE HIS LIFE BACK.

THIS IS NOT CALLED HIDING,
SERENA.

IT'S CALLED RECOVERY.

TELLING EVERYONE HE'S STAYING
WITH AUNT CAROL IN MIAMI?

HE'S NOT READY.
HE'S NOT, OR YOU'RE NOT?

OKAY, LET'S TAKE
A DEEP BREATH.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE
HONEST CONVERSATION.

WHAT DOES SHE KNOW
ABOUT HONESTY?
SERENA.

BUT I REALLY THINK A DECISION
LIKE THIS INCLUDES ERIC AS WELL.

OH, YOU MEAN I HAVE
A SAY IN THIS? WOW. THANKS.

ERIC, OF COURSE.
WE'RE HERE FOR YOU.

LOOK, IF YOU'RE READY
TO LEAVE, YOU TELL US, OKAY?

NO MATTER WHAT MOM SAYS.

I WOULD REALLY LIKE
TO GET OUT OF HERE...

OH, NO.

BUT MAYBE I'M NOT READY YET.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT
FOR A FEW HOURS?

YOU CAN BE MY DATE
TO THE IVY WEEK PARTY TONIGHT.

SERENA, THAT PARTY IS
AN IMPORTANT EVENT FOR YOU.

WELL, HE'LL BE AROUND
PEOPLE HE KNOWS.

IT'LL BE FUN, COMFORTABLE.

UH, ACTUALLY,
THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
(woman) WELL, THERE WE GO.

COMPROMISE.
THAT WASN'T SO HARD, WAS IT?

YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAVE TO GO,

HELP THEM SET UP
FOR TONIGHT AT THE SCHOOL.

IT'S MY JOB AS BOTH
PARENT COMMITTEE CHAIR

AND RESPONSIBLE MOTHER.

IT'LL BE GREAT, OKAY?

HI. HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.

RUFUS HUMPHREY.
MM-HMM.

UH, MY KID, DAN,
GOES TO ST. JUDE'S,

AND HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE BEEN
SELECTED AS DARTMOUTH'S USHER.

MAYBE THERE WAS A MIX-UP,

SOME KIND OF A GLITCH
IN THE SYSTEM?

I'D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT

BECAUSE I LIKE TO BELIEVE
THE BEST IN PEOPLE.
I'M SORRY, MR. HUMPHREY.

THE USHER POSITIONS
HAVE BEEN FILLED.

THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO.
UH, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE?
ANY OTHER POSITIONS?

UH, YOU'LL HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS
WITH OUR COMMITTEE CHAIRWOMAN.

SURE, PERFECT. I'D LOVE TO.
WHERE CAN I FIND HER?

I'M NOT SURE.
SHE MUST BE RUNNING LATE. I...

OH, THERE SHE IS NOW.

WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED?

LUCKY FOR YOU,
SHE SEEMS TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD.

UNTIL SHE SEES ME.

RUFUS.

TOLD YA.
EXCUSE ME.

YOU GOT A MINUTE, LIL?
NOT FOR YOU.

YOU'RE IN.

WHAT?
THE IVY WEEK PARTY TONIGHT.

YOUR NAME WILL BE
ON THE PROGRAM AND EVERYTHING.

YOU GOT ME
THE DARTMOUTH SPOT?
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT, DAD.

(scoffs) NO, YOU DIDN'T,
AND NO, I DIDN'T.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
THE REFRESHMENT COMMITTEE?
WELL, THERE IS--THERE IS

NOT UNTIL NOW.
OH, GOD.

WHAT? EVERYBODY GETS THIRSTY.
IT'S REALLY A POSITION OF POWER.

HOW DID YOU SECURE ME
THIS PROMINENT

AND SIMULTANEOUSLY EMBARRASSING
POSITION?
BY OFFERING

SERVING SNACKS?

I'M THE HEAD
OF THE ENTERTAINMENT COMMITTEE.

(chuckles) A-ANOTHER COMMITTEE
THAT DIDN'T EXIST

UNTIL YOU LEFT
THE HOUSE TODAY.

WAY TO GO, DAD. WAIT.
SO WHO'S THE ENTERTAINMENT?

UH, SINCE IT WAS
SUCH SHORT NOTICE,

THE ONLY PERSON
I COULD GET WAS MYSELF.

KIND OF A STAID AFFAIR FOR
EARLY '90s POSTPUNK MATH ROCK,

DON'T YOU THINK?

I'M BRINGING
A COUPLE OF THE GUYS.

IT'LL BE RUFUS UNPLUGGED.
NEED A ROADIE?

??

AND WE CAN JUST MAKE THIS
A FULL-FLEDGED HUMPHREY AFFAIR?

LOOK, I DID THE BEST I COULD.

AT LEAST YOU GET TO OFFICIALLY
BE A PART OF THIS THING.

YOU CAN TALK
TO THAT AUTHOR YOU LOVE,

ASK HIM ANYTHING YOU WANT.
LIKE HIS, UH, PREFERENCE
FOR SOFT DRINKS?

IF YOU GET AT ALL ANXIOUS,
SWEETIE,

IF YOU FEEL LIGHT-HEADED
OR PANICKY--

I'LL BE FINE, MOM.

ALL I HAVE TO DO
IS BE NORMAL.

OR AT LEAST ACT NORMAL.

WORKS FOR MOM.

DO YOU SEE THE YALE REP?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO GO TO BROWN,

AND BLAIR WANTED
TO GO TO YALE.

YEAH, I KNOW.

MM.

MY FATHER WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME
IF I DIDN'T INTRODUCE MYSELF.

HE SAYS THAT YOU TWO
USED TO DO CREW TOGETHER.

CREW?

OH, HI.
I'M SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN.

BLAIR, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
INTERESTED IN DOING CREW.

I'M NOT. I WAS JUST SAYING
THAT THERE'S A FAMILY CONNECTION

BECAUSE OF MY FATHER--
IN FACT, I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU WERE INTERESTED
IN ATHLETICS AT ALL.

WELL, ESPECIALLY ONES WHERE
YOU MIGHT GET YOUR HAIR WET.

SHE'S REALLY MORE
OF THE INDOORS TYPE OF GIRL.

OH, MY GOODNESS.
YOUR GLASS IS ALMOST EMPTY.

LET'S GET YOU A DRINK.
UH, NO, I'LL TAKE HIM.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
SO TELL ME ABOUT YALE.

CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN

HOW SERENA'S
COMMANDEERING THE YALE REP

WHILE YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE HIS USHER?

I SWITCHED.

I'M TRYING TO GET
INTO PRINCETON.

OH, DON'T YOUR LA PERLAS
IN A BUNCH.

LOOK WHO'S ARRIVED--
DR. OSTROFF.

BLAIR, DR. DONALD OSTROFF.

INTERESTING CHOICE OF GUEST, B.

SUCH A PLEASURE. I'VE HEARD
S-SUCH WONDERFUL THINGS...

COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT.

I LIKED YOUR BOOK.

OH, THANKS. WHAT DID YOU THINK
OF THE EPILOGUE?

SOME PEOPLE REALLY LOVE IT.

"THE NEW YORK TIMES"
CALLED IT A "CHEAP COP-OUT."

WARNER BROS.
IS MAKING A MOVIE.

I THINK THEY'RE GONNA
CHANGE THE END.

WELL, I CAN SEE
HOW THE ENDING

MIGHT NOT SEEM ALL THAT...
COMMERCIAL.

UH...

WOULD YOU LIKE
SOMETHING TO DRINK?

LILY, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, BART, HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?

HEY, ERIC.

HOW'S, UH, MIAMI?

IT WAS GOOD, THANKS.

YOU KNOW, GO, MARLINS.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME, PLEASE?

SO THE NEUROSCIENCE PROJECT
I'M WORKING ON

INVOLVES THE CELLULAR
SIGNALING PATHWAY

OF NEURONAL
NITRIC OXIDE SYNTHASE.

IT'S INITIATED WHEN
GLUTAMATE BINDS TO N.M.D.A.R...

HI. YOU'RE ERIC, RIGHT?

YEAH, YOU'RE JENNY,
DAN'S SISTER, RIGHT?

YEAH, WE, UM, MET AT...

BENDEL'S.
YEAH, I REMEMBER.
OH, COOL.

ERIC, GOOD TO SEE YOU.
YOU ENJOY MIAMI?

UH, YEAH.
S-SAVE THE MANATEES.

MANATEES?

IT'S A LONG STORY.
I'VE GOT TIME.

IT'S A LITTLE DARK AND...

I CAN HANDLE IT.

(Dan) YOU WANNA
GO TO YALE THEN?

NO, BROWN. IT'S JUST
THIS THING WITH BLAIR.

OH, YEAH. YEAH, I GET IT.
I MEAN, SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE

TO ACTUALLY WORRY
ABOUT GETTING INTO COLLEGE,

WHY NOT MAKE THE ENTIRE EVENING
ABOUT SCREWING OVER BLAIR?

NO, THANKS.

HEY.

WAIT, YOU'RE SERIOUSLY
NOT GONNA TALK TO ME?

LIKE, LITERALLY NOT SPEAK?

HEY.

OH, MUCH BETTER.

THANKS, GUYS.

SO, UM, WHAT'S HE LIKE?

LIKE A DARTMOUTH
ENGLISH LIT PROFESSOR

I HAVE NOTHING
IN COMMON WITH.
MM.

GUESS I COULD TELL HIM

HOW EVERYTHING I HAVE
I GOT BECAUSE I'M AN ARCHIBALD.

YOU SHOULD MENTION DR. SEUSS.

THEODOR GEISEL IS HIS REAL NAME.
HE WENT TO DARTMOUTH.

UH, HALL SAID HE GOT THE IDEA
FOR "THE PETTING ZOO"

FROM "THE LORAX."
THE WHAT?

UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
NEVER MIND.

JUST--JUST MENTION
HOW HIS PROSE STYLE

IS INFLUENCED
BY EARLY FAULKNER.

YOU'LL BE ALL RIGHT.

UH, OR NOT.

I WAS ACTUALLY GONNA
GET SOME FRESH AIR.

HOW ABOUT YOU
TAKE THESE OVER TO HIM?

ALL RIGHT.

YEAH, I GUESS I COULD
LEAVE MY POST UNMANNED

FOR A MINUTE OR TWO.

WHERE DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE GOING?
HOME.

(scoffs) I DON'T THINK SO.

NOW YOU GET BACK OUT THERE
AND YOU FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED.

YOU MEAN WHAT YOU STARTED?
I DON'T WANNA GO TO DARTMOUTH.

THERE, I SAID IT.
NOW BACK OFF.

SO WE MOVED INTO THE HOTEL,
AND, UH...

IT WAS JUST THE TWO OF US,

AND I WAS REALLY LONELY.

SO...
THAT'S WHEN YOU...

SO I ENDED UP
AT THE OSTROFF CENTER.

AND MY MOM SAYS THAT THEY HAVE
THE BEST COUNSELORS,

BUT WHAT THEY REALLY
GET PAID FOR

IS TO TO KEEP
THEIR MOUTHS SHUT.

LOOK,
I-I WON'T SAY ANYTHING.

I PROMISE.

SO DO YOU WANNA
GO BACK IN?

YEAH, AND ANSWER
MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT FLORIDA?

WELL, I HAVE A GRANDMA
WHO LIVES IN FORT MYERS.

I CAN HELP
THINK OF SOME MATERIAL.

MAY I PLEASE
HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION?

WELCOME AGAIN

TO THE CONSTANCE BILLARD/
ST. JUDE'S IVY WEEK MIXER.

I'M BLORF,

CHAIR OF THE COMMUNITY OUTREACH
COMMITTEE.

EVERY YEAR,
OUR SCHOOLS CHOOSE TO SUPPORT

ONE LOCAL INSTITUTION THAT
WE FEEL BENEFITS OUR COMMUNITY.

THIS YEAR,

OUR SCHOOLS HAVE CHOSEN TO HONOR
THE OSTROFF CENTER.

THIS SEMESTER, OUR CHOICE
IS A VERY PERSONAL ONE

BECAUSE THE CENTER
HAS HELPED ONE OF OUR OWN.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

IT'S BECAUSE
OF THEIR EXCELLENT PROGRAM

WHICH AIDS SO MANY
YOUNG ADDICTS AND ALCOHOLICS

THAT A STUDENT HERE WITH US
TODAY IS CLEAN AND SOBER.

AT LEAST, FOR NOW.

CAN I PLEASE HAVE
SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN

JOIN ME ONSTAGE?

SPOTTED AT IVY WEEK MIXER--

S. AND B.'s LAST STAND,

AND ONLY ONE GETS OUT ALIVE.

BETTER TAKE COVER.

PLEASE TELL ME
THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.
IT'S NOT.

NO.
NO, YOU'RE
NOT GOINHERE.

YOU'RE GONNA STAY
RIGHT HERE, OKAY?

WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING,

THINK ABOUT WHO'S STANDING
IN THIS ROOM RIGHT NOW.

DON'T TRY TO DENY IT.
CHUCK SAW YOU.

HI. I'M SERENA VAN DER WOODSEN.

I JUST WANNA THANK MY FRIEND,
BLAIR WALDORF,

FOR RECOGNIZING
THE OSTROFF CENTER

AND ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS
THAT THEY DO.

THANKS, BLAIR.

AT THE CENTER,

ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS
THAT WE LEARN IS FORGIVENESS.

SHE'S IN REHAB?
NO, IT'S NOT HER.
IT'S HER BROTHER WHO'S THERE.

WHAT?
YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE, OKAY?

I WON'T, BUT WHY
IS SHE DOING THIS?

I'VE LEARNED ABOUT HOW,

IN ORDER TO MOVE FORWARD
WITH OUR FUTURE,

WE MUST FORGIVE THOSE
WHO HAVE WRONGED US IN THE PAST,

AND WE MUST, OURSELVES,
ASK FOR FORGIVENESS

FROM THOSE
WHOM WE'VE WRONGED.

WITHOUT THIS FORGIVENESS,
INNOCENT PEOPLE GET HURT--

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, SERENA.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

HONESTY MAY BE THE BEST POLICY
IN SOME ZIP CODES,

BUT NOT IN THIS ONE,
AND NOT THIS WEEK,

'CAUSE
"I WAS A TEENAGE DRUG ADDICT"

IS NOT EXACTLY
A WINNING COLLEGE ESSAY.

AND NOW CAN I PLEASE HAVE
DR. OSTROFF JOIN ME ONSTAGE?

WHY IS BLAIR OUTING YOU

FOR A DRUG PROBLEM
THAT YOU DON'T HAVE?

YOU DON'T, DO YOU?
MOM!

OT LLL, WE'S NIKE HAVE
SOME FREE, OPEN RELATIONSHIP.
AND THAT'S MY FAULT?

LOOK, WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ERIC

HAS PUT A HUGE STRAIN
ON OUR FAMILY,

BUT WE ARE STILL A FAMILY.

WHY DO YOU THINK
I DID WHAT I JUST DID?

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?

I'M GONNA GO END THIS
WITH BLAIR NOW.

BLAIR,
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?

WILL YOU EXCUSE US,
PLEASE?

SURE.

SO WE GOOD NOW?

ARE WE SQUARE?

NO, BECAUSE NOTHING I DO

WILL EVER BE AS BAD
AS WHAT YOU DID TO ME.

LOOK, I'M ASKING YOU,
PLEASE.

I'LL STOP IF YOU WILL.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT
BECAUSE TODAY YOU LOST,

AND YOU'RE GONNA KEEP LOSING.

NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
UNLIKE YOU,

I HAVE A FUTURE
TO GET BACK TO.

SERENA.

SERENA!
WHAT? WHAT, DO YOU WANT
TO CONGRATULATE ME

ON DESTROYING MY FUTURE?
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I JUST WANTED TO ASK
IF YOU'RE OKAY,

'CAUSE WHAT YOU DID IN THERE
FOR YOUR BROTHER,

THAT WAS...
THAT WAS VERY COOL.

WAIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW
ABOUT MY BROTHER?
IT--IT'S OKAY.

REALLY, NO ONE
WILL EVER HEAR IT FROM ME,

BUT IF YOU EVER NEED
ANYBODY TO TALK TO,

OR NOT TALK TO,

I'D BE HAPPY TO DO EITHER.

I'LL KEEP THAT IN MIND.

AND, UM,

I KNOW I SAID
SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU

AND YOUR WORLD,

D I'SORRY.

OBVIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR LIFE.

THANK YOU,

BUT I'VE REALLY
GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

YEAH, SURE, SURE.

BUT...

MAYBE, YOU KNOW,
I CAN TAKE YOU UP

ON THAT GETTING TOGETHER
AND NOT TALKING THING SOMETIME?

WILL YOU CALL ME?

YEAH.

OKAY, LET'S GO.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

NO, THERE'S SOMEONE
I NEED TO TALK TO FIRST.

PLEASE, MOM,
I CAN DO THIS.

OKAY.

BLAIR, CAN I TALK TO YOU?
IT'LL JUST TAKE A MOMENT.

SURE. SURE.

SERENA'S NOT A PATIENT
AT THE OSTROFF CENTER.

ERIC, YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN A SWEET
KID, AND I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU

TRYING TO PROTECT
YOUR SISTER--
I AM.

I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN YOU
TAKE A DRINK.

I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.

I DID THIS.

AND TODAY,
SERENA PROTECTED ME.

ERIC, I...

I DIDN'T...

SEE THAT COMING? YEAH.

OH, IT MUST BE A SHOCK

FOR SOMEONE WHO THINKS
SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

AND WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

ANOTHER BOMB
LANDS IN BLAIR'S LAP.

WILL SHE USE IT AS AMMUNITION,

OR WILL SHE FINALLY SURRENDER
AND PUT DOWN HER ARMS?

NOTHING.

SO YOU REALLY IMPRESSED
THE GUY, HUH?

MUST BE THE WAY
YOU POURED THOSE SODAS.

YEAH, ABOUT THAT, UH...

I KNOW I MAY HAVE BEEN A LITTLE
LIGHT ON THE GRATITUDE...

YEAH, A TOUCH.

BUT I APPRECIATE IT,
ALL OF IT,

EVEN IF I SOMETIMES
DON'T SHOW IT.

WE'RE REAL MEN, SON.

WE DON'T LIKE
TO SHARE OUR FEELINGS.

BUT...

I KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF,

AND NOTHING--

MY LAST NAME,

MY BANK ACCOUNT--

IS GONNA KEEP YOU
FROM GETTING WHAT YOU DESERVE,

NOT IF I CAN HELP IT.

AND I SEE THAT DARTMOUTH

HAS AN ELECTROACOUSTIC
MUSIC PROGRAM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF ME APPLYING?
WHAT?

YEAH, AND JENNY'S SMART.
WE'LL GET HER EARLY ADMISSION.

MAYBE WE'LL ALL GO.

SO NOT REMOTELY FUNNY.

NATE.

HUH?

HELLO?

OH, YEAH,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

WHERE THE HELL COULD YOU
POSSIBLY HAVE TO BE RIGHT NOW?

I'M LATE FOR A RUN
WITH MY DAD.

WHO'S JESSICA?

(chuckles)
AW, JERSEY GIRLS.

LET'S JUST SAY

THEY'RE THE PRINCETON TIGERS
FOR A REASON.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YA.

(Captain) YOU FEEL THIS?
FEELING GOOD?

GOOD.
ALL RIGHT,
'CAUSE I'M GONNA...

HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU, SON.
TURNS OUT JED'S A RUNNER, TOO.
I WOULD

IF I KNEW HE WAS GONNA
GET ME OUT HERE THIS EARLY.
I'M GLAD TO SEE

YOU'RE FEELING BETTER, NATE.
I WAS, UH, JUST TELLING JED

ABOUT YOUR LITTLE BOUT
OF FOOD POISONING LAST NIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, KIDDO? YOU WANT
TO SHOW HIM HOW IT'S DONE?
LET'S GO.

NATE IS THE CAPTAIN
OF HIS LACROSSE TEAM,

AS WELL AS BEING AN ALL-STAR
CROSS-COUNTRY RUNNER.

HI.
HEY!

UM, IS IT OKAY
THAT I'M HERE?

YEAH. HI.

UH, WILL YOUR MOM BE MAD?

THAT YOU'RE HERE? THAT WOULD
REQUIRE HER STOPPING BY.

SATURDAY MORNINGS ARE SPENT
AT BLISS, AND AFTER LAST NIGHT,

I THINK SHE COULD USE SOME
EXTRA TIME ON THE MASSAGE TABLE.

RIGHT. WELL, HERE.

SOMEBODY HAS AN ADMIRER.

THEY'RE FOR MY SISTER...
FROM THE BROWN REP.

UM, APPARENTLY HIS COUSIN
DID SOME TIME HERE IN HIS YOUTH.

WELL, THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

I MEAN, AT LEAST
HER ENTIRE FUTURE ISN'T BLOWN.
I DON'T THINK

THAT'S MAKING HER FEEL
A WHOLE LOT BETTER RIGHT NOW.

WHENEVER
SOMETHING'S BOTHERING YOU,

I CAN ALWAYS FIND YOU HERE.

YOU HERE
FOR ANOTHER CATFIGHT?

WHAT'S THAT?

A LETTER.

I WROTE IT TO YOU WHEN YOU
WERE AWAY AT BOARDING SCHOOL.

I NEVER SENT IT.

"DEAR SERENA,

"MY WORLD IS FALLING APART,

"AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE
WHO WOULD UNDERSTAND.

"MY FATHER LEFT MY MOTHER
FOR A 31-YEAR-OLD MODEL...

"A MALE MODEL.

"I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING

"BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE
ANYONE TO TALK TO.

"YOU'RE GONE..."

"MY DAD'S GONE.

NATE'S ACTING WEIRD."

(voice breaks)
"WHERE ARE YOU?

WHY DON'T YOU CALL?"

"WHY DID YOU LEAVE
WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE?

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED
TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH."

"LOVE, BLAIR."
(paper rustles)

WHY DIDN'T YOU SEND IT?

I WOULD'VE--

YOU WOULD'VE WHAT?

YOU KNEW, SERENA,

AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN CALL.

(voice breaks) I DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY TO YOU

OR EVEN HOW TO BE YOUR FRIEND
AFTER WHAT I DID.

I'M SO SORRY.

ERIC TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.

I GUESS YOUR FAMILY'S BEEN
GOING THROUGH A HARD TIME, TOO.

SPOTTED IN CENTRAL PARK--

TWO WHITE FLAGS WAVING.

COULD AN UPPER EAST SIDE
PEACE ACCORD BE FAR OFF?

SO WHAT WILL IT BE--
TRUCE OR CONSEQUENCES?

WE ALL KNOW ONE NATION
CAN'T HAVE TWO QUEENS.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

ONLY TIME WILL TELL.

X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.