Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 15 - Desperately Seeking Serena - full transcript

Gossip Girls Here-Your One And Only Source

Into The Scandalous Lives
Of Manhattan's Elite.

I Got Three Cases Of Champagne
For Serena Van Der Woodsen.

For Me?
Who's It From?

Porn And Handcuffs? This Is Low,
Chuck, Even For You.

What's This? Chuck Said It Came For
You This Morning. Whoa. Is That Coke?

How Do You Like A Brother
Who Uses You As A Drug Mule?

I Can't Believe You Think Chuck Is
Doing These Things. What's He Done Now?

I'll Tell You What He's Done. If
We're Gonna Exist Under The Same Roof,

I Am Laying Down Some House Rules. No
Need, Princess. Bart Already Kicked Me Out.

I'm Moving Back To My Suite.
I Love You, Nate Archibald.



Always Have, Always Will.

I Want Nothing Else To Do
With You, Blair. It's Over.

Jenny, If You Walk Away
From Me Now, I Will Ruin You.

How Are You Gonna Do That? My
Mother's Valentino Was Stolen.

Oh, My God. That's My Mother's Dress. Do You
Think That You Can Just Send Me Off To School

With A Plaid Skirt
And A Metrocard,

And Everything Will Be Okay?
I'm Really Sorry, Chuck.

I Know It Wasn't You
Who Sent Me That Stuff.

And Who Am I?

That's A Secret
I'll Never Tell.

You Know You Love Me.

There Are Three Things
We Do Alone-

We Are Born, We Die,

And If We're A High School
Junior Headed For College,



We Take The S.A.T.

And While The Test Is Said
To Measure Our Best Traits,

Preparing For It

Inevitably Brings Out
The Worst-

Humility Becomes Self-Doubt...

* Guess We're All In Trouble,
Huh? *

Striving Becomes Obsession.

* It's Tuesday
On The Other Side Of Town *

Some Are Driven
To Self-Medication...

* Most Would Just
Give Up For Dead *

* So I Said,
"Alfie, Don't Get So Upset" *

* We All Get Scared
Of Sticking Out Our Necks *

* It's Expected

While Others
Cling To The Security

Of Being Part Of A Group.

* Ooh, Ah

* Ba, Ba, Ba

* Ba, Ba, Sha-Doo, Be-Doo

* Ba, Ba, Ba

And Anyone
Who's Used To Bending The Rules

Will Find Themselves
Breaking Them.

* Ba, Ba, Ba,
Ba, Ba, Sha-Doo *

* Come On, Come On
* It's Time To Lose Control

* Come On, Come On
* Turn Off Your Radio

* Come On, Come On
* You're Gonna Feel All Right

* Come On, Come On * Let's
Do The Panic Tonight *

Ugh! Dad, Don't Ever
Do That Again.

Just Doing What I Was Told.
Time's Up.

I Was Instructed
That Whenever Time Was Up,

I Should Share That Information. Yes, But The
Manner In Which You Went About It-It Was Like

You Were Deliberately Trying
To Humiliate Me. How Bad?

Uh... Half. I Finished Exactly
Half In The Allotted Time.

Well, You're A Smart Kid.
I'm A Choker. I Choke.

Mm, Just In Your Head. T
- Ball. First Grade. Remember This?

Bases Loaded, And I
Struck Out. You Were 6.

The Ball Was On A Tee, Not
Moving. You'll Come Through.

You're Basing That
On What, Exactly?

Blind Faith?

Bye.
Wait.

Dad, I'm Gonna Be Late.
I'm Coming With You.

What? You're Walking Me To
School? I Need The Exercise.

I Made One Mistake.
It Doesn't Mean I Need

A Human Ankle Monitor. You Used
To Beg Me To Walk You To School.

You'd Cry If I Didn't Walk You To
Class. That Wasn't Me. That Was Dan.

It's True, But I Was 6,

And It An Emotional Time For Me. It Was
Post-T-Ball. Jenny, What You Did Was Wrong

And Really Out Of Character.

Grounding You Is Not
Just About Punishment.

We Need To Spend Some Time Together,
Reconnect. Yeah, I Want That, Too.

Just... Not In Public
And In Front Of My Friends.

All Right.
Tonight. Dinner.

Okay.
And I Have Group Rehearsal.

I'm The Alto.
And I'm Really Proud,

But We Are Connecting
This Evening Over Lasagna.

Hey, Jen, You Wanna Wait Up For
A Second? We Could Take The-

Well, A-All Right,
I'll See Ya At School.

2200. Fair.

It's 90th Percentile.

Which Means Nelly Yuki
Probably Got 2300.

And You Don't Even Talk To Her.
Why Do You Care How She Does?

Nelly Yuki Has Her Sights
Set On Yale, Too.

What Are The Odds

Of Them Accepting Two Girls
From Constance?

And Have You Seen Nelly Yuki's
Extracurriculars?

I Need To Kick
Her Well-Rounded Ass.

And They Say You've Lost Your
Edge. Nelly Yuki Must Be Destroyed.

Why Do You Keep Saying Her
Name? Because It's Nelly Yuki.

Ew, Gross. Incoming-Chuck.
You Ready?

No, I Gotta Wait For Dan.
He's Pretty Stressed.

He Doesn't Do Well With Tests,
So... Performance Anxiety?

Bye, Blair.

She Really Needs To Tone Down
On The Social Niceties.

It's Embarrassing.
Eventually, The Two Of You

Are Gonna Have To Work Out Your
Issues. What Issues? I'm Issue-Free.

And, Uh, Based On
My Exhaustive Research,

So Are You.

Georgina?

According To
My Very Reliable Sources,

Georgina Sparks
Is Nowhere Near Our Fair Isle.

She's In Switzerland,
Dating The Prince Of Belfort.

There's A Prince Of Belfort?
Uh-Huh.

And She's Dating Him?
Oh, Thank God.

Now You Can Enjoy
The Gifts She Mailed You

With Peace Of Mind...
And Maybe Chuck In The Room.

Oh, Shoot.
Except We're Siblings.

Georgie Always Brought Out
The Devil In You.

Part Of Me Is A Little
Disappointed She's Not Here.

Mm, I Wonder Which Part. It's Been
A While Since I Saw The Old Serena.

Well, Thanks To Her,

The New One Has To Break 2000
On Her S.A.T.S.

So If You Could Just
Go Smarm Elsewhere...

The Offer Still Stands. I Know
A, Uh, Lovely Little Redhead

That's Just Dying To Be You For The Day.
Oh, I'll Leave The Cheating To You, Chuck.

I Plan On Taking The S.A.T.S
Myself.

You Have No Idea
How Lucky You Are.

Seriously, Jenny.

I Would Do Anything To Be A
Freshman Again. Junior Year Sucks.

Nate Doesn't Call. I'm Not Ready For The S.A.T.S.
Maybe I Should Join Kati On The Kibbutz In Israel,

Quit Now.
You Guys, It's Just A Test.

Look, Cram Session Tonight.
My Dad's Making Lasagna.

My Brother's Got
Tons Of Flash Cards,

And I'm Totally Available
To Help.

That Won't Be Necessary,
Little J.

You Girls Are
All Taken Care Of,

Courtesy Of Blair Waldorf
S.A.T. Prep And Spa.

Are You Serious? If You're Gonna Sweat
The Test, It Better Not Clog Your Pores.

This Evening At My Penthouse,
You'll Find Personal Tutors,

Hot Stone Massages, Mani-Pedis
And An Amazing Acupuncturist

Who Specializes
In Mental Acuity.

Guess That Beats My Dad's Lasagna.
I'll Flickr Over Some Photos For You.

Oh, It's Upperclassmen Only.
I'm Sure You Understand.

Totally.

Wait Up, B.

I'm So Glad I Didn't Book
That Flight To Tel Aviv.

Spotted In The Halls Of
Constance-Little J. Realizing

That Age Really Does Come
Before Beauty.

S.A.T.S?

Yeah.
Yeah, And, Uh, Soccer?

Why Not Give
The Old Ball A Kick?

Season's Just Around
The Corner... In October.

No, No, You Know What?
I Have To Stop Doing That.

I'll Just Focus On Myself
And My-My Test And My Prep.

What Other People Do Or Don't Do
Is About Them, Absolutely.

Not A Good Tester, Huh?

Oh, Chuck, I Had No Idea
You Felt That Way About Me.

Good To Know You're
At Least Still Kind Of Funny.

Hey, I'm So Sorry.

I've Been Completely
Off The Radar The Past Few Days.

New Home, New Family.
It's Okay.

Yeah, It's, Um,
Pretty Overwhelming.

Yeah, I-I've Been A Little
Overwhelmed Myself Lately.

Well, You Wanna Hang Out...
Study?

Mmm. Ooh. I Wanna Take
Whatever S.A.T. Prep Course

You're Signed Up For.

Well, It's Not Too Late.

Okay. I'm In, Then.

I'll See You.

You Always Did Know
How To Leave 'Em Wanting More.

Oh, My God, Georgina.

What Are You Doing Here?
Well, I Told You I Was Coming.

Didn't You Get My Gifts? Uh, You're Supposed
To Be In Switzerland Dating A Prince.

Luckily Daddy Didn't
Need The G5.

Haven't You Missed Me?

How Could I Not?

Okay. You Don't Want
To Throw Me A Homecoming Party.

I Get It,
But Let's Have A Cocktail,

Catch Up.

S., You're Really Gonna
Hurt My Feelings,

And You Know How I Get
When My Feelings Are Hurt.

Great.
I'll See You Tonight.

It's So Weird Seeing You.
It's Almost Like I Never Left.

Spotted In The Courtyard-

Serena Looking Like
She's Seen A Ghost-

The Ghost Of Parties Past.

Jenny, Why Did You Want To Meet
Here? Well, I've Been Thinking-

What's The One Thing
That No One In Our Group Has,

I Mean, Not Even Blair?
Compassion?

No, A Boyfriend. You Know,
If I'm Gonna Make It To Queen,

I Need A King. Queen Elizabeth
Never Had A Boyfriend.

But She Only Had
The Spanish To Conquer,

And I Have Blair Waldorf.
Let's Talk Qualifications.

He Has To Be Cute,
But Not Full Of Himself.

He Has To Be From
The Right Kind Of Family...

Ugh, But Not Disgusting.

Come On.

I'm So Sorry.
Are You Okay?

Yeah, Uh,
My Lunch Isn't, Though.

Oh, Linus.

Let Me Give You...
My Last Dollar.

Oh, I Couldn't.

You Shouldn't Be Walking
The Streets With No Money.

Let's Just Settle
For An I.O.U. Then.

It's Just A Hot Dog.

That Was Just My Excuse
To Give This To You.

Here's My Number.

Thank You.

I Mean, It's Fine.

I Mean, I'm Really
Not Even That Hungry.

Well,
If You Change Your Mind...

What Are You Doing?
He's Gorgeous.

He's A Dog Walker.

I Need A King, Not A Jester.

Come On.
Let's Go Lurk Outside Dalton.

Hey.
Vanessa.

You're Nate, Right? You Play
A Very Small But Crucial Role

In My Video Project.
Oh, That's Right.

I Remember You Following Dan Around
With Your Video Camera. Hey, Nate.

What Are You Doing Here? I Mean,
I Know The Coffee's Good...

Since I've Taken Every
S.A.T. Prep And Review Class

In The Five Boroughs, I Figured Why Not
Pay It Forward? So-So You Don't Need These?

You Know, I've Actually
Already Taken It.

My Parents Don't Want Me
Going To U.S.C.,

So I Had To Make Sure
My Scores Were Good Enough

To Get In Without Their Help,
Which, Thanks To These Books,

They Were, So I'm Done. While We All Love
Hearing About The Struggles Of The Idle Rich,

Dan's Got
A Fine Tutor Right Here.

I Ace
Every Practice Test I Take,

So We Don't Need Your Hand-Me-Downs. Um, You
Know What? Th-This Is Actually Pretty Good.

This Looks Good. Thank You.
Is There A Reason You Insist

On Looking So Desperate And Needy?
She's Been Like That Since We Were Kids-

Venomous Without Provocation. It's
Better Than Being A Charity Case.

She's Rude, Too.
I See That.

Yeah.
Well, I Gotta Get Going,

But I Hope These Are Useful.

Oh, Yeah, Yeah, Very.
Thank You.

What?

They're-Hey,
Every Little Bit Helps.

Is This Really
The Best Place For Us To Talk?

You Of All People Know

Nothing Gets Me Talking
Like A Cosmo.

A Lot Has Changed Since
We Used To Hang Out, Georgie.

I Know. I Get It. No, You Don't
Get It, Or You Wouldn't Have Sent Me

All Those So-Called Gifts
In The First Place.

Oh, Come On, Sweetie.
Those Were Funny.

Get Over Yourself. I Was Just
Trying To Make You Laugh.

How About This-
How About For One Night,

We Hang Out Like Old Times,
But Unlike Old Times,

I Won't Get Out Of Control,
Unless You Want Me To.

I Mean,
I Can Totally Get Out-

No, Okay. I-I Won't
Get Out Of Control,

And I Totally Respect That.

Please Stop Me Any Time You
Feel Like Answering.

Any... Time. Come On.

One Drink, But Only One.

Cheers.

Where Are All The Tutors?

And The Masseuses?
And The Smoothies?

All That I Have Promised You
Is Waiting.

And While It Gives Me
Great Pleasure

To Think Of Us Crossing That
S.A.T. Finish Line Together,

Before The Race Can Begin,

You Need To Be Made Aware
Of One Little Thing.

Nelly Yuki,
Top In Our Class,

Summer Schooled
At The Sorbonne.

Lots Of People Do Summer
At Sorbonne, Including Me.

True. Penelope, You May Be
A National Merit Scholar,

But Nelly Yuki
Is A Merit Scholar...

A Peabody Scholar

And An Intel Science
Talent Search Finalist.

Isabel,
You're A Concert Pianist,

But Itzhak Perlman Himself Gave
Nelly Her Very First Violin.

Hazel...

You're Just Along
For The Ride, 'Kay?

But If Any Of Us Wants
To Live Out Our College Dreams,

We Have To Find
Nelly Yuki's Weakness

And Exploit It.

So What's It Gonna Be-
Aromatherapy Or Annihilation?

What's The Plan?

It Was, Like,
The Worst Thing Ever,

And Then-And Then,
Do You Remember?

Do You Remember When
We Ran Out Of Money?

And Then I Had
To Flash The Bartender

'Cause We Ran Out Of Money.
Wait, Wait. Oh, My God.

Remember When We Were Savannah
And Svetlana? Oh, Savannah.

Savannah!

I Totally Forgot About
Savannah And Svetlana. Svetlana.

Wait, No, I Think We Were
Tiffany And Angel That Night.

Oh, You Could Talk Me
Into Anything.

Hey, Ladies, Can I, Uh,
Get You Guys Another Round?

Ooh.
No, Thank You.

My American Girlfriend,

So Uptight.

They Think The Drink
Lead To The Sex.

No, No, No,
I Wasn't Being Rude.

I Just Didn't Want
To Take Anything

If I Couldn't Offer
Anything In Return.

We'd Be Happy
With Just One Dance.

Aw. Aw. I'm Afraid I Have Two Left Feet.

Aw, This Is What Is
The Practice For. Come On, Lady.

Opa!

Who Is That?

Um, No One.
Uh, Thank You For Calling Back.

Ahh! Nadine The Beauty
Queen. How Can I Help You?

I Don't Have Time
For This.

Do You Want 1 Or 2 G's?

Can You Just Give It-
Some Dealer You Know?

I Didn't Realize
I Brought My Grandmother.

I Have To Go.

Hey, Come Here.

Whoo!

I'm So Stupid,
So, So, So, So Stupid.

You Don't Sound Stupid.
You Sound Drunk.

What Have You Been Into?

Georgina.

Good News Is, She Doesn't Want
Anything Except To Party.

Bad News Is, I Partied.

Care To Paint A Picture?
Does This Party Require Clothes?

I'm Supposed To Be
At Dan's Studying.

I Called
To Tell Him I'd Be Late,

But Not This Late. I-I Just
Have To Call Him And Say-

That Instead
Of Studying With Him,

You're Out
With Your Old Pal Georgina.

No. I Don't Want Him
To Know She Exists.

My Mom, Blair,
Even You Can't Stand Her.

Dan Of All People
Cannot Know Georgie.

Can You Help Me?

Say You Need Me.

Chuck!

Hearing You Scream My Name
Is More Than Enough.

I'll Take Care Of It
And Pick You Up In Ten.

Hey, I've Been Wondering Where You
Were. You Mean All Of Your Life?

Uh, Don't Take This
The Wrong Way, Serena,

But You Sound Just Like This Jackass
We Know. Serena Has Food Poisoning.

She's Too Sick To Come To Your
Playdate. Put Her On The Phone.

The Bathroom
Doesn't Get Reception.

Somehow I Don't Believe You. And I'd
Like To Say I'm A Little Glad About That,

But My Poor, Sick Sister
Has Asked For My Assistance

In The Matter,
So I'll Leave It At This-

She's Not Coming.
Don't Try Calling.

Humphrey,
Always A Pleasure.

I'm Gonna Have To Call You Back. Hey.

Beautiful Day You're Ruining, Isn't It? Do
Me A Favor, Please, And Leave Serena Alone.

It Was Serena
I Was Doing A Favor For.

All I Know Is
Before Spring Break,

Everything Was Great.
It Was Good.

Now Break's Over,
She's Not Quite Herself,

And I'm-I'm Trying To Think,
What Has Changed In Her Life?

Oh, The Bass Family
Moved Into It.

Dan, Hi.

Hey.
Hey, How You Feeling?

Good. My Migraine's Gone.

Migraine? I Thought
You Had Food Poisoning.

Yeah, That Came After.

What Exactly Happened
Last Night?

I Already Told Him.

I'm Asking You.

Well, I Got Food Poisoning,
And Then Chuck Helped Me Out.

Okay,
Where Exactly Did You Eat

That You Got This Killer Food Poisoning
Migraine? Can We Drop The Interrogation?

As Soon As You Tell Me Where My
Girlfriend Is. I'm Right Here With You.

Look,
I- I Gotta Go To Class.

I Can't-
I Can't Do This.

This Is Exactly Why
I Didn't Want Her To Come Back.

She's Been Back A Day Already
And Look What's Happening.

If It's Really That Bad,

Why Don't You
Just Tell Him About Her?

I Can't.
I'll See You Later.

Look, I'm Not Stupid.

I Know You're Not
Really Interested

In How My Family Owns Half Of
Tribeca. Of Course We're Interested.

You're The Newest Member Of Our Little Club. Which
Is Only For The Smartest Girls Of The Junior Class.

Our Junior Class
Only Has 30 Girls.

We're Already An Elite Club.
Can I Go Now?

We're Already An Elite Club.
Can I Go Now?

You What Would Be Hot? You,
Us At G Spa. I Don't Drink.

Saks Fifth?
Hate Shopping.

Yogurt On The Steps? Lactose-Intolerant.
Look, I Really Don't Want Any Friends.

All I Want Is To Be Alone

And To Never Listen To Flo Rida Ever Again

What
Happened? A Little Backstage Hit It And Quit It?

What? No, My Boyfriend Broke Up
With Me At A Flo Rida Concert.

One Minute We Were
Waving Our Hands In The Air

Like We Just Didn't Care,
And The Next...

Since The Dalton Guys
Were A Bust,

How About Collegiate?

The Boys' Lacrosse Team
Is Working Out Just Around...

Jenny, Look.

What Did I Tell You
About That Dog Walker?

There Are No Kings
On Craigslist.

But I Don't Think
He's The Walker.

I Think He's The Owner.

I Spy My King.

Hi.

Hi. How Have You Been?

* Hey, My First Flo Stopped
A Gold Diggin' Woman *

* Money Cash Flow
All Big-Faced Hundreds *

* Stuntin' On The Pole,
Got Them D-Boys Runnin' *

* Shorty Got Both Broke,
Can't See What's Coming *

* On My Elevator,
Get It Up *

Oh, God. Not That Song.

Nelly Yuki, What's Wrong? It's
Like It's Happening All Over Again.

That Song Just Reminds Me
Of My Boyfriend...

My Ex-Boyfriend,
I Should Say.

Oh, No. Did He Dump You?
That's Horrible.

W- W-What Was His Name?
Brad? Bill?

Todd... Jansen.

There's Nothing Like The Fresh,
Sharp Pain Of A Breakup.

Believe Me, I've Had
My Fair Share Of Heartache,

But This Is About You.

Tonight You're Gonna Come
Over To My House,

And Just Cry Till You Get It All Out Of Your
System. I Can't. I Have To Be Focused Tomorrow.

You Can't Focus
When Something's On Your Mind,

Now Can You? Come, Come, Come.
Tell Me All About It.

I Guess I'll Just Take
The Check, Please. Okay.

Hey, Hold That, Will Ya?

Daylight Savings Moved To March.
Maybe No One Told You. I Know I'm Late.

Coffee, Nate?

Yeah, Thanks, Cora.

You Two Know Each Other?
I've Been Here Before.

Are You Telling Me You Come
All The Way To Brookn

For Greek Food? Well, When I'm In
Brooklyn, I Like To Come Here, Yes.

'Cause You're In Brooklyn
All The Time.

Well, My-My Father's In Rehab
A Couple Blocks Away,

And, Uh, Which, By The Way,
Is Why I'm Late. I Was...

Visiting Hours...
I'm Sorry. I Didn't Mean To-

No. I Mean, It's Not Like
It's Some Big Secret.

It Was On The Front Page Of
Every Newspaper In The City.

I Guess It Was, Yeah.

Sometimes After
I'm Done Seeing Him,

I'm Not Ready To Go Back
And See My Mom Just Yet,

So I Come Here And I Sit
And Just, Uh...

Think About How Hard It Is

To Know Whose Side
You're Supposed To Be On,

Mom Versus Dad,
Kid In The Middle?

Confession... I Read One
Of Your Practice Essays.

You Left It In A Book
That You Gave Dan,

And That's Why I Called You-
To Apologize.

Why?

Because...
I Judged The Cover,

But Now That
I've Read The Book,

I Figured You Were Owed
Some Apologetic Souvlaki,

At The Very Least.

Hey, Georgie. It Was Good
To See You Last Night.

When Did You Say
You Were Going Back To Belgium?

Uh, Switzerland, Actually,

And I'm Supposed
To Leave Tomorrow,

But I'm Not Going
Until I Get A Chance

To Make It Up To You First. Oh,
Nothing To Make Up. I Had Fun.

No, You Didn't.
I Mean, Until After You Left,

I Don't Think I Really Heard
What You Were Saying.

I- I Didn't Get It.
You've Really Changed.

Yeah, I Have.

I Don't Mean
To Sound Corny,

But... It's
A Real Inspiration To Me.

Really?

I Mean, Look,
I've Always Thought

That I Am Who I'm Going To Be
For The Rest Of My Life,

And Even Those Times
When I Maybe Don't Like Myself,

Well... You Can't Decide
To Be Somebody Else.

No, You Can. Yeah,
Listen, Let's Have Dinner.

I- I Mean, I Want
To Hear About Your Life,

And If You Can Change,
Maybe There's Hope For Me, Too.

No, I-I Have To Study.
I Have S.A.T.S In The Morning.

It'll Just Be An Hour.
We Can Time It. I Promise.

The Hardest Drug On The Table
Will Be... Perrier.

Spotted-
Serena Van Der Woodsen

Being Given A Real Life
Multiple Choice Question-

"A"- Go Home And Study,

"B"- Get A Good Night's Sleep,

"C"- Call Your Boyfriend

Or "D"...

An Hour.

None Of The Above.

Good.

Hope That Wasn't
The Wrong Answer, S.

This Test Doesn't Grade
On A Curve.

Card)
All Right, "Capacious"-

Looks Like "Spacious."
What Does It Mean? Roomy.

Oh, Yeah.

"Captious."

Looks Like...

That Looks Like
"Capacious."

Oh. I Can't Concentrate.

Sound Of Your Own Voice
Distracting You?

No. It's, Uh, Serena,
Actually.

We Had An Argument.

I'm Home!

Look It. Trig Identities
Are Memorized,

My Latin Is Resurrected,
And My Lit Paper's Finished.

Impressive.
Mm-Hmm.

Huh. Seeing As You've
Returned The Valentino,

And You've Logged Ten Hours
Of Volunteer Work

With Betty At The Shop...

I'm Not Grounded Anymore?
I Have Something For You.

No Way!

Oh! It's Not Exactly The
Same As The One You Pawned,

But...

Thank You, Dad!

You Know, Jen, No One's Happier
Than Me To See This.

Do You Know How Much It Costs
To Get A Zipper Repaired?

Yeah, I Figured Since You'd Be Spending
So Much Time At Home... Wait. What?

So I Guess You're Still Grounded. Dan.

Dad, Wait.
I Met This Really Nice Guy,

And I'm Supposed To Meet Him In The Park For
Lunch Tomorrow. Well, Grounded Or Not Grounded,

You're Not Old Enough To Date.
It's Not A Date. He's Just A Friend.

Who Is This Guy? You Don't
Know Him. He Goes To Unity.

Wait, Upper East Side Unity?
Technically, That's Upper West Side, Dad.

How Are You Helping? I Thought You Wanted
To Take A Break From That Whole Crowd.

What "Whole Crowd"? The One That Made
You Feel Like Compromising Your Character

Was A Prerequisite To Hanging Out With Them. So
It's Okay For Dan To Date Someone Rich, Though?

Well, It's Not Without
Its Complications. Believe Me.

I Thought You Said
It Wasn't A Date.

Ugh!

It Was Nice There For A Minute. It Was.

Hey, S.

I'm Just Sipping
A Gingko Biloba Blended

And Wondering How
Your Stomach Migraine Is.

Call Me So I Don't Worry.

How You Doing, Nelly Yuki?

My Upper Trapezius
Seems To Hold A Lot Of Sadness.

Something Tells Me You'll
Be Feeling Better Very Soon...

Any Minute.

No. I Think I Should Just
Go Home And Study.

Uh, Mr. Jansen Is Here
To See Miss Yuki.

Todd's Here?

Do I Have Cushion Face?

A Little.

Hello, Todd.

Hi, Nelly. Blair Said
It Was All Right If I Came.

For A Siberian Ginseng Pedi?

No.

I Really Feel Bad
About How Things Ended, Nell.

So Do I.

Can We Talk About It? In Private? Okay.

Thank You, B.

Lucky For Us,

Mental Acuity And Common Sense
Rarely Come In The Same Package.

Oxygen Facials, Anyone?

Next Time Your Sister's Band
Is In Town,

I Want Front Row Seats.

You Don't Strike Me
As A Lesbian Punk Fan.

You Know, I Am Almost
Offended By How Much

You Underestimate Me,
Ms. Abrams.

You Like Punk? Oh, I Didn't Hear You S
- You Said "Punk"?

'Cause You Had Me
At "Lesbian."

Oh, Right.
Didn't See That One Coming.

Hey, Tell Me Something.
Yes?

Why Do You Do
S.A.T. Practice Tests

If You're Not Planning
On Taking The Exam?

To Help Dan Study.

I'm A Filmmaker. Best Education
For Me Is Making Films.

I Can't Never Met Anyone

Who Thought College
Was Optional.

My Parents Are Artists.
My Sister's A Musician.

Just Like Going To An Ivy
Is Your Family's Way,

Not Going To College
Is Mine.

Think Your Parents
Want To Adopt A 17 Year Old?

Maybe?

So...

I Guess This Is
Good Night, Then?

I Don't Live Here,
You Know.

No, I Know.

I'm Just Grabbing
My Laptop.

Do You Want To Come Inside?

God. It Does Feel
Like That Doorstep Moment.

And What Moment
Would That Be?

Yeah. That's The Moment.

Can I Get You Two
A Cocktail?

Oh. I'm Fine With My Diet Coke.
Thank You.

Um, Yeah, Me, Too.
Thanks.

So... Tell Me About Dan.

I Did.
Oh, Come On.

His Last Name And His Zip Code?
Scintillating Details.

Come On. He's Part Of
Serena Second Edition.

* So Tell Me

Well...

I- I Like The Way I Feel
When He Looks At Me.

How?

Like...

Like I Wanna
Believe In Myself.

I- I Know.

You Think It's A Clich?

Uh, No. No, Sweetie.
I- I-I Think It's...

It's Incredible.

Yeah.

Look...
I Know I May Not Be

Your Most Trusted Friend
Right Now,

But I Think I Know
The Old You Pretty Well.

Yeah, Better Than, Um,
Anyone, Actually.

Well, From Where I Sit,
It Would Take...

A Lot To Bring
That Person Back.

Um... I'm Gonna Call Him,
Actually.

He's Pretty Nervous
About Tomorrow,

So I Wanna Wish Him Luck.
So I'll Be Back.

* Whole Thing

* It's Time To Let It Explode

* I'm Starting, Ooh

That Was Quick.
Yeah, He Didn't Pick Up.

Oh, You Can Try Him Again Later. Yeah.

Okay, I'd Like To Propose A Toast. Okay.

To The New You.

To The New Me.

Cheers.

Ooh. You Don't Look So Good.

You Okay, S.?

No, I'm Not Okay.

Wait, How Did We Get Here?
What Are We Doing Here?

Oh, My God. I'm Supposed To Be
At Hunter College.

If Memory Serves,
And It Usually Does,

They Don't Let You In If
You're Late. Oh, My God.

I'm Thinking Eggs.

Do You Want...
Florentine Or Benedict?

Wait.
I Was Drinking Soda, Georgie.

Yeah, Until You Switched
To Patr?N.

Look, Don't Worry. I Called Lily
And Covered Your Ass.

So... You're Welcome.

No, You-You Knew
I Had S.A.T.S This Morning.

Which Is Why
I Brought You Here

Instead Of Letting You Go Home
With One Of Your Many Suitors.

You Know The Guy
With The Ironic Mustache?

You Two Took Over The Deejay Booth. Wait,
A Mustache? What Are You Talking About?

I Guess You Haven't Changed
As Much As You Thought.

Chuck?
Chuck, Hey. I'm In Trouble.

Look, I Think
I Can Still Make It,

But Please Go To Hunter,

Try To Keep The Doors Open
Until I Get There.

Hey!

Last Night Was Strange,
But Very Fun.

???Like... Five Hours Ago?

I'm Taking You Somewhere.
I'm Going Somewhere-To Work.

Get Someone To Cover For You. I
Can't Just Jump In The Car With You

Because You Decide To Show Up.
Well, I'm Not Asking You To.

This Is A Onetime Offer,
And There's A Clock Ticking.

But...

Fine. I Am Intrigued.

You Wish Your Brother
Good Luck Today?

Yeah.

May I Be Excused?

No, You May Not.

And We Are Not Gonna
Walk Around This House All Day

And Not Talk To Each Other.

Fine. You Want Me To Speak?
I'll Speak.

You've Completely And Entirely
Prejudged The Upper East Side.

Maybe You Shouldn't Speak. Dad, I
Learned My Lesson On My Birthday.

Asher's Not Like Those Girls.
He's Different.

I Mean, He's Nice And Polite
And He Likes Animals.

Please Let Me Go Today?

So You Didn't Cancel?

I Thought
You'd Change Your Mind.

I Haven't.

Nate,
I Don't Know About This.

I Can't.
I Didn't Even Study.

Yeah, And You Still Made
Great Scores

On Your Practice Tests.

That Was For Fun.

Listen, There's Nothing Wrong
With Keeping Your Options Open.

I Don't Think Your Parents
Are Gonna Be Mad At You

For Choosing Your Own Path...

Unless They're Related
To My Parents.

Okay. Right Now
I'm Going Inside,

And I'm Not Looking Back,
Or I Might Change My Mind.

...Do Really Well.
What?

Rough Night?

Yeah,
And Not In A Good Way.

Todd Doesn't Wanna
Get Back Together. No?

But He Said...

We Stayed Up All Night
Having The Same Conversation

About Why We Broke Up Over And Over Again.
Unbelievable. I Can't Believe It. Crazy.

Dogboy. I'm So Sorry.
Oh, My Gosh. That's Awful.

I Got No Sleep,
Spent The Whole Night Crying.

Okay. Well, Good Luck.

Do You Really Think
This Is Gonna Work?

Yes, But I Also Believe
In Insurance.

From Her Calculator.

You Never Did Tell Us
How You Got Todd To Play Along.

Isabel, What Are You Doing
Later Tonight?

Uh, Not Todd.
Okay, Well,

I Guess I'm Gonna Have
To Come Up With Something Else.

Dan... Where's Serena?

Uh, I Don't Know,
But I Bet Chuck Does.

Ugh. Well, I'll Try To Save A Seat
For Her. Yeah, I'll-I'll Keep Calling.

Hey, Serena, It's Me-
A- A Very Worried Me

Concerned About
A Very Missing You.

Hi.
I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen.

How'd You Do?

Uh, Not My Finest Hour.

I Finished, But... I Kinda
Had A Lot On My Mind.

I'll Keep Calling.

Yeah. I Think I Know
Where To Find Her.

Hey, S. It's B.

Now I'm Really Worried.

I'm Gonna Go Home
And Change,

And Then...

Call Me. Bye.

Hey.

What's Going On?

Um... Nothing. I'm Fine.

No, You're Not, And You Need
To Stop Saying That.

Hey. Come Here.

Where Were You?

She Was With Me.

What He Means Is,
We Were Both At Home.

Um, My Stomach Started Acting Up Again.
Oh, Okay. A Food Poisoning Relapse?

Look, If-If-If You Didn't
Study Enough

And You're Freaked Out, I Can
- I Told You. I Was Sick.

You Paid Someone Else
To Take The S.A.T. For You,

And That's The Best You Can
Do? What Are You Talking About?

I'm Talking About
The 5-Foot-Nothing Redhead

Claiming To Be
Serena Van Der Woodsen.

I'm-I'm Pretty Sure That Wasn't You. Chuck, What
Did You Do? I Told You To Keep The Doors Open.

When I Got There, They Were Closed.
Yeah, They Don't Keep The Doors Open.

I Was Thinking On My Feet,
Just Trying To Help.

I'm Not Mad.
Okay, I'm Just Worried.

I've Been So Worried
About You.

Please, Help Me Understand
What's Going On Here.

Can We Talk Tomorrow?

I'll Call You.

I'm Sorry.

I'm Sorry, Too.

Chuck, You Went Too Far.

And So Did You, Sis.

Look, I Feel Foolish
For Admitting It,

But Obviously,
I've Come Late To This Party.

English, Please.

What's Georgina Got On You?
Chuck...

Dan I Understand, But What's
So Bad You Can't Even Tell Me?

Oh, Hi, Sweetie.

Let Me Just, Uh,
Call Some Room Service-

I Don't Want You
To Ever Contact Me Again.

Just Because Of
A Few Nights Of Harmless Fun?

It Wasn't Fun Waking Up
And Not Knowing Where I Was,

It Wasn't Fun
Missing The S.A.T.S,

And It Definitely Wasn't Fun
Lying To Dan.

And This Is All My Fault
Because...

It's My Fault,

Because I Make Huge Mistakes
When I'm With You.

So You Want To Distance Yourself
From Your "Mistakes"

By Staying Away From Me?

You Were There, Too, Serena.

It Was Just As Much You, If Not More
- This Is Not About Last Year. It's About Last Night.

Like You Were
Just Some Innocent Bystander

Who Walked In On
- I'm Not Talking About It, Georgina! Okay?

And Neither Are You.

If I Go Down,

You Go Down With Me.

In The Meantime,

Stay Out Of My Life.

I Don't Need Anybody In My Life
Who Doesn't Want To Be There.

Then We're Agreed.

You Must Be The Unity Boy.

Uh, Hopefully, There's Not
Another One On His Way.

Name's Asher,
And I Do Go To Unity.

Hi.

Asher?

What Are You Doing Here?

I Was Just Gonna Ask
The Same Thing.

Uh, Since You Couldn't
Come To The Hot Dogs,

I'm Bringing Them To You.

Sorry To S-Surprise You, Sir.

That's So Sweet,
Especially Since

My Unreasonable Father
Has Grounded Me For Life.

I'm Standing Right Here.

I Wish
More Of My Friends' Parents

Cared Enough To Ground Them
When They Messed Up.

Looks Like Our Queen Wannabe
Found Her Perfect King.

Well, Since You're Here...

With A Year's Supply
Of Hot Dogs,

Maybe You'd Like To Come In.

We Hear He's A Unity Man.

Guess Big Brother's
Been Teaching Little Sis

How To Snag The Ones
With A Trust Fund.

Hi.

Hey, Buddy, There You Go.

Aw! Georgie, Hey!

Bad Boy.

Sorry He Disturbed You.

Uh, It's Fine.
I Love Dogs.

Really? Do You Have Any?
No. Uh, We Used To Have A Cat,

But, You Know...
Sister... Allergies.

Now The Cat-Iggy-Lives
In Florida With My Grandma.

I... He Doesn't Write.
He Never Calls.

I'm Sorry To Hear That.

It's Just A Cat.

Um. I'm Sarah, By The Way.

I'm Dan.
Nice To Meet You, Sarah.