Gossip Girl (2007–2012): Season 1, Episode 12 - School Lies - full transcript

Gossip girl here
your one and only source into

the scandalous lives of manhattan's elite.

At what point do we admit that no matter how much

we want it or how hard we try...

It's just not working.

You're going back to hudson, aren't you?

Rufus, why are you calling?

I miss you.

Mom, you cannot date bart bass.

You said a moment ago you didn't care who it was.

He raised chuck.



Would you do me the honor of being my wife?

I think you like dan a little too much.

Just thought i should let you know someone's watching.

Chuck, you are not answering my calls.

Please, for the love of god, do not tell anybody about us.

Don't worry,B.Who would I tell?(form chuck)

What is B hidding?

Gossip Girl
Season01 Episode12

On the upper east side, it's easy to think

that the world is exactly as it appears--
refined, elegant, imposing.

But sometimes, all it takes is a little key
to open the door to the wild side.

Nate.

Why have you been avoiding me?

Avoiding you?
What?



Ever since i got back from monaco, you've been--

you're not returning my calls or my texts.

- I've barely seen you.
- Really?

I don't recall.

Well, do you recall that night after the debutante ball

yes, i do.

Blair?

What are you doing?

This.

Good catching up.

Enough with the blackmail.

Aren't you bored already?

I can't avoid nate forever.

Excuse me.

I didn't say forever.

Just until the sight of the two of you
together doesn't turn my stomach.

And when will that be?

Only time will tell, i'm afraid.

So unless you want dear nathaniel to know

how you lost your virginity to me
in the back of a moving vehicle,

i encourage patience and restraint.

Isn't there someone else you can torture?

Probably, but i choose you.

Why don't i turn that, uh, one-piece into a no-piece?

Find a floatie to talk to, chuck.

You know, if my dad and your mom come back
from south africa tomorrow engaged,

we'll be brother and sister.

And you know what they say--
the family that plays together stays together.

Ah, incest-- the universal taboo.

One of the, um, only ones you haven't violated.

Well, i'm game if you are.

Dan humphrey, age 17, enjoying an exotic meal of cheerios

on an exciting saturday night in.

Come on.

Be interesting.

You don't want me to move back to vermont, do you?

No, but if your whole future depends
getting this grant for your documentary,

i-i really, really think you should find a new subject.

Absolutely not.

The outsider goes inside--
a likable everyman's pursuit of his dream girl begins

his descent into the bowels of hell.

This is mythic stuff.

Okay, not big on the soundtrack.

Whatever movie he's scoring sounds depressing.

Yeah, i think it's a biopic.

Try listening to that for three weeks straight.

But before christmas, my dad hadn't finished a song in years,

so i really don't have the heart to ask him to stop.

Well, i do.

Hey, serena.

Yes!
Finally some action.

What are you up to...

Besides missing me?

Oh, uh, just wondering if you're missing me.

Well, of course i am, at this party that
would be a lot more fun if you were here.

Party?

I thought it was a quiet night with blair, your last night

at her place before your mom comes home?

Yeah, we were, and then kati and is showed up,

and we all went out, and we ran into some people and then ended up here.

Where--where's here?

719 e.
82nd stre.

Wait a second.
That's, um...

That's school, is it not?

Bring your bathing suit!

You're swimming?

No, you hung up.

So what will it be, dan-- cheerios and chaucer or an illegal party

at your prep school pool with your high
society girlfriend and her nasty cohorts?

Dad?

Vanessa and i are--are going out.

All right.

* i wish at w wcould talk about it *

* but there *

* that's the problem *

* with someone new i could have started it *

* too late for beginnings *

* the little things that made me harassed *

Well, uh, if you wanted to get the perfect shot of me feeling like an outsider,

then i'm ready for my close-up.

- Hehe vanessa.
- Hey.

Come on, guys.

Help!

Call the ambulance!
Call an ambulance.

Someone call 9-1-1.

We--we need-- we need an ambulance.

Yeah, a-a kid-- he--he hit his head, and--and he fell in the pool.

It--it's 719, uh, east 82nd street.

Thanks to the cell phone that somebody left behind, x

we've got plenty of evidence of who was at the party.

Lucky for you, andrew collins is going to be fine.

Unlucky for you, we need to hold someone responsible.

Ms.Queller?

Hello.

I'm ms.Queller, the new headmistress at constance.

It's unfortunate that we meet under these circumstances.

But i look forward to getting to know each and every one of you.

I've already talked to your parents...

At least, those i could reach, and look forward to reading your personal essays

-- 10,000 words describing how you came to be on school property after hours,

using alcohol and drugs, where a fellow student almost died.

In other words, what the hell is wrong with you?

I'll also be conducting one-on-one interviews

until i discover who broke into the pool and initiated the party.

That person will be expelled.

If that person is not identified, then you'll all face expulsion.

So we all know how this works.

Look, no one talks, no one gets into trouble.

Who did break in, anyway?

I guess we don't he to worry about nate cracking under pressure.

So are we all agreed?

Agreed.

Look, blair, i-i know you have your sights set on yale,

but this-this skull and bones stuff is a bit much, don't you think?

Maybe, but it works...

Every time.

You know, when someone says "every time,"

It sounds like--like--like more than a few times.

Erything's gonna be fine.

Were you just in the same assembly as me?

Do you really think she's gonna expel two-thirds of the junior class?

Look, i got you into this.

I'm gonna get you out of it, okay?

Trust me.

There's a weak link in every chain, x

it sounds like--like--like more than a few times.

?????????

I'm innocent.
Well...

Except for a crime of passion.

I did something stupid with someone.

And even worse than doing that stupid thing,

i did the same stupid thing with someone else

and pretended i had never done that stupid thing before.

You look confused.

Should i walk you through it?

Let's stay on point.

I reviewed your record.

It's pristine.

If constance has a shining star, it's blair waldorf.

I would never have expected this from you.

I know.

I'm the perfect one.

Ms.waldorf, who broke into the pool?

Like you said, my unfortunate participation in said party was entirely out of character.

I don't know anything about it.

You're taking that paper seriously.

This isn't a paper.
It's...

It's a heartfelt letter to blair.

A heartfelt letter?

Who spayed you, man?

Blair doesn't even want you.

She's been crystal about that since we got back.

Didn't seem that way en she kissed me at the pool.

She kissed you?

Well, i kissed her, but...

Yep.

What was she like?

Into it?Or was she more like-

- of course she was into it, man.
What do you think?

Yeah, i know, but, uh...

You know blair...

Yes, i do.

I think she wants me to suffer a little more.
You know,

even the playing field?

It's worth it, believe me.

Hey, dad.

Listen, uh, i-i got your 1,001 messages.

I just haven't had a chance to get back to ya.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.

I guess you heard from the new headmistress.

Look, i know how upset you were by everything, and apparently,

some of the kids who were at the party didn't even tell their parents.

Look, you don't have to say anything else.

I-i regret even leaving the house saturday.

Yeah, but if you know something that could keep you out of trouble,

then you need to cooperate.

I don't.

I--really, dad, i don't.

Dan, don't think for a second these other kids

aren't gonna be looking out for themselves.

You need to do the same.

All right?

I hope i'm not interrupting anything.

I just got a message that our kids are in some kind of trouble at school.

And you came all the way to brooklyn to talk about it?

No, no, not about that.

Um, bart and i just landed at the airport back from our trip,

and he proposed, and i'm going to say yes.

I wanted you to hear it from me first, not from my daughter or your son.

Right, the people who actually talk to me.

Oh, if you're referring to the message you left me on christmas day,

i didn't get it until we were already on the plane.

It was very endearing, though.

But not enough to turn the g5 around?

You miss me.That's great.
I miss you, too.

What?

You kissed me at eleanor's party, and then you say you can't see me anymore

because your wife came home, and then you call and say you should've never let me go,

and then you're back with alison again.

I didn't plan any of that.

That is just it with you, rufus.

You don't even plan anything.

Well, i'm sure that your current plan will be full of private jets and 5-star hotels.

Take care, rufus.

Do you really have to show this to me now?

Trust me when i say you're gonna wanna see this

before you enter blair waldorf's evil lair.

It's a homework group, vanessa.

We're just gonna be writing papers, you know?

Here.

I wasn't sure what it was till i got it home

and saw it on the computer, but--

okay, that's chuck.

What are you holding here?

It's a key.

Spotted--lonely boy learning that when the punishment fits the crime,

there's no reason you can't serve your sentence in style.

Yay!

You're here.

I thought we were gonna work on our papers.

We are.

One night at bilboquet, kati and is made out with a guy in cornell's ethics program.

They're getting tips now.

I thought i told you you couldn't film me.

Come here.

You are so naive.

Michael moore over there is obviously just using this film to get close to dan.

No, she needs that grant money.

So did you bring your legal pad?

You wait here.

I'll find us a quiet place to work.

Okay.

I can't believe you brought that here.

It's evidence.
Give it to me.

Chuck.

You need to tell the truth.

Whatever happened to "don't speak until spoken to"?

I just saw you with that key.

I know you had it at the party.

Poor little humphrey dumpty.

Look, let me clarify something for you.

Regardless of who you're currently sleeping with,

you and i come from different worlds.

In my world, if i'm suspended or expelled, a wing is donated in the bass name.

That sounds like quite a world.

Well, it's not perfect, i'll admit.

But one thing it does offer in spades is security.

My family can take care of me.

What do the humphreys have to offer?

Used metrocards?

Your dad's cassingle?

And in case you were wondering, you narc,

i only took the key from the party to hide it so we didn't all get blamed...

Including you.

Blair.

Nate.

What are you doing here?

I, uh, wanted to talk to you.

I brought you this.

It's a love letter.

A hostess can't hide in her room.

It's unladylike.

Hey, where are you going?

I made us a study area in the other room.

You know what?
I'm just gonna write my paper at home.

I-i think--i think chuck is right.

No, the guy has a point, actually.

Maybe the reason none of you guys take this seriously is because for you it's not.

No, it is.

Just trust me, okay?

Vanessa, please, some space.
I'm sorry.

Sorry.

Look, i'm all for loyalty and i'm all for sticking together,

but we are not in the same boat here.

I'm on a partial scholarship.

My parents have no way of buying my way back into this school, or any other.

And i know this isn't going to be a popular opinion with--with your band of brothers,

but if the person who brought that key refuses to step up,

then anybody who knows anything has the right to say something.

Do--do you know who it is?

You do, don't you, and you're not gonna say anything?

Dan, please.

You don't understand.

You're right.

I-i mean, i don't understand.

Hey, let go of me, bass.

Drop your archibald habit first.

You know i already have.

Really?A kiss does sort of
send the wrong signal.

Let's not waste time denying.

You know what?

I'm tired of this.

Go ahead and tell him.

Really?

You want me to tell him how you slept with me

and then faked your virginity for him?

I'll just tell him you're lying.

And who do you think he'll believe?

You, who bangs anything in his field of vision, or me,

his pure and honest girlfriend of many years?

Well, now he'll believe me.

Why?

I have proof.

Good eye, docu-girl.
I'll take the tape now.

You knew she was watching?

This is my house.

That tape belongs to me.

Actually, this is my footage, and thanks to both of you,

i think i got a new angle on my subject.

Hey, vanessa, let's get out of here.

If you think i'm gonna...

- Let go of me.
- Let you walk out of here with that tape, you're crazy.

Last time i checked, i still owe you a black eye.

So unless this is you coming to claim it, stay away from her.

Now that sex and lies have been caught on videotape, v.'S documentary

just became the most anticipated new release of the year.

Rufus.
What are you doing here?

I'm not leaving a message for you from the courtyard this time.

Well, i can see that.

But five minutes ago, my kids would've--

why did you really come to see me yesterday?

I told you.

- Out of respect for-
- respect or regret?

You wanted me to give you a reason not to

spend the rest of your life with bart bass.

Rufus...

I'm still in love with you.

So what exactly are you offering, rufus?

Some retrospective of the way we were over a decade ago?

Look, we're not 20 and on the road.

Thank god we're not, because your mother made

this decision for you back then, remember?

Yes.

Look...

I don't know exactly what it would even mean for us to be together.

But can you look at me and tell me you're not the least bit curious?

You're at the same crossroads you were years ago.

Claim your life this time.

Live it the way you want to live it.

I did it.

I broke into the school.

After all your family has been through this year,

i'm surprised to learn that you're behind something like this.

I know, i know.

And i apologize.

From what i can see, you always seem to be toeing the line of mediocrity, nathaniel.

Your grades are average at best,

almost as though you're not committed to school or your future.

Can we just move on to the punishment part of this meeting, please?

Certainly.

But i'm curious.

Can you please describe how you broke into the school?

I can do betr.
I can show you.

And how did you get access to this key?

You're not on the swim team.

Not a janitor, right?

No.

Where's the key chain?

The key chain?

Do you remember its color?

Size?

What it's made of?

Anything at all?

Who are you trying to protect?

May i have a word?

Off camera.

Uh, sure.

But i think i know what you're gonna say.

And i can save you the indignity of groveling by telling you right now

--no way are you gonna get that tape.

I wasn't going to grovel, and the fact that you even went there

makes it clear you have no idea who you're dealing with.

What are you gonna do to me, blair?

Blackball me from eating yogurt on the met steps?

You have nothing i need.

You put that footage in your film, you won't be able to show it.

I won't sign a release.

I'm not looking for a distribution deal, just a local arts grant so i can pay my rent.

Now if you'll excuse me...

You're in my shot.

What's that, your stripper money?

$10,000 for the tape.

You think i'd take your money?

Yes, i do.

I know girlsilike you.

You act like money's not important.

The truth is, money's important to everyone.

And i thought blair was manipulative.

Blair's an amateur.

She thinks you're just like her.

To blair, this money is a couple pairs
of manolos and a chanel bag

But i know that this much cash can
make a real difference in your life

You're sick

You're welcome

Who knew b and c
were such patrons of the arts

Call it philanthropy or bribery

It looks like everyone has their price

Something on your mind, lily

Uh...

Yeah

What are you saying

I'm sorry. It's sheldon

He has those numbers i was asking for

Do you mind

No

Yeah

Just make sure he gets it at the current rate

The dollar's been all over the place

Hello

I was thinking about what you said

Let's do it

Let's see what we are
Let's see what we could be

Who is this

Rufus...

Lily, this is great

Do you know how great this is

Well, yes. I mean, I-I do

I mean, i think so

Let's go away tonight

Let's pack a bag

Let's get away from everyone everything

just figure it out

Wh-where would we go

Who cares

Okay, sounds like a plan

Um...

90th and 5th

6:00

Okay

I'm scared, rufus...

In a good way

Me, too

Settle down, please

Yesterday

I talked about the serious consequences...
- Proof
- Worth every penny

For your dishonorable actions

and obviously, you didn't believe me.

But someone came forward today

and claimed responsibility...

Do you know who?

For a crime he did not commit.

And although i appreciate his self-sacrifice

I don't abide dishonesty

And I think it's time you
all know how serious I am

Nathaniel archibald is
suspended from st Jude's

And, yes, this will go on his transcript

Effective immediately.

Mr. Archibald

you know where to find the exit.

This just in

nate archibald, dead man walking

We hear st Jude's has a new policy

an eye for a lie.

Watch him go, students.

Who wants to be next?

Until one of you comes forward
we'll keep going

until every last one of you
has walked out that door

I don't believe this.

Dan, it's okay.

Serena, i-i can't-- i can't get expelled
I cannot get suspended

My whole future is riding on this.

If you know who broke in
then why won't you give them up

Because it was me.

So why
why didn't you tell me right away?

'Cause i didn't want you to judge me

And i didn't want you to know

because i didn't want you to have
to be in the position you're in now

of having to choose between
protecting me and helping yourself

So how'd you even get in

I have a key

You had a key to the pool?

All right

what happened to being beyond this

Sorry.

The end of freshman year

I kind of dated the swim team captain

and he gave me a key so that we could...

You know, meet up, and...

That's--enough said.

And saturday night-- what happened then?

Well, blair and i ran out of places to go

and she knew i still had a key, and...

Before i knew it, it's like we were all there.

And i thought it was just gonna be us girls.

And then everybody got on their phone

and more people started showing up
and...

I just never thought anybody
was gonna get hurt

Yeah.

Well, you can still tell queller the truth
I think she'll respect your honesty

Yeah, like she respected nate's?

No, nate lied.

And besides, you're serena van der woodsen.

You didn't know me before i went away.

Barely got back into constance.

If i got expelled, I don't think any
school in town would take me.

I'm sure that's not true.

I can't risk going back to boarding school

being away from you and eric

But i don't want you to lose your future

Wow

Oh, wow

You really can be damned if
you do and screwed if you don't

Dan humphrey

headmistress queller is requesting
to see y u iher office after class

Nate

Hey. Are you okay

Yeah, i'll be fine

It's, uh...

My parents have so much other
stuff going on right now...

They'll get over it

Either way, it was worth it

Worth it

Yes. Blair

I know how much your future means to you

And you've worked so hard
for yale and everything

what are you talking about

You don't have to lie

I saw the key in your bedroom

That key isn't mine

I was st hiding it for someone else

Wait...

That's why you were suspended

You told the headmistress it was yours

because you thought it was mine

That's the most romantic thing
anyone has ever done for me

I love you

Please

You and i just can't happen right now

Why not

I don't want to be with you

Good catching up

You're home early

Please don't tell me you're expelled
- Not yet

Your position at that school
is already too precarious

One false move, and you know what

I can't do anything to help you

I know. I know

I just wanna hide under the
covers and make it all go away

And apparently, you do, too

You and bart just got back
Why are you packing again

Well, i was just gonna go for a

you know
a little spa trip for the weekend

'Cause you're so stressed
out from your vacation

Aren't you gonna answer that?

No, i don't think so

Mom, is dan's dad the reason you
haven't answered bart's proposal

You can't

Please, mom, not this one

Look, i will not base my personal life
on your preferences.

Dan is my boyfriend

And i know we're too
young to talk about forever

but right now that's what it feels like

I know it does, sweetie, but
- but what

Tell me that rufus is that important to you

Tell me that whatever the two of you have

is the most important thing in your life

because that's what dan is to me, mom

The most important

I would rather be chuck's stepsister
than dan's.

Please don't do this to me

Dan means that much to you

Yeah, he does

In fact, i have to go

Wait. Where

School

There's something i have to do

And i hope there's something
you have to do, too

What are you doing here

I brought this for you

What's the catch

I know this might come as a shock

but not everyone operates from an agenda

In fact, some people do things

simply because it's the decent thing to do

Smash it, burn it, whatever

There are no copies

What about the one you gave to chuck

It's blank

which i'm sure he'll be thrilled to discover

And about what's on that tape

having observed you in your natural
habitat these past few days...

Nate seems like one of the good guys

and you seem to really care about him

Mr. Humphrey

you have a partial scholarship at st
Jude's

You are number two in your class

have a stellar recommendation
for dartmouth from j. L. Hall.

It looks as if your dreams
are well within grasp

Thank you, thank you

Yeah, i guess they are

But it seems you're in
with a n crowd this year

dating serena van der woodsen...

Is that on my file

Who had the key to the school

I don't know

Let me remind you one last time

that you are in a different
position than the others

You need this school

Headmistress queller
i have something to tell you

I must say
your file reads more like a rap sheet

You cut more sophomore
classes than you attended

cheated on tests

talked back to teachers

Look, I understand that
this is a serious matter

That's why it's important to me that

you know

you being new here

that the person that you just
described is not w i am anymore

Oh, no

Who are you now

Well, my grades are up

my attendance is nearly perfect

and i've stayed out of trouble

Until now

Please understand

that i never intended for
anything bad to happen

And it may have taken some time

but i am here now

accepting responsibility for my actions

Whatever you think is fair

Yes, let's discuss the...

Consequences

* breakfast in new york *

* and i know that we're dreaming *

* drunken conversations and
things we were screaming *

I'll be brief

And...

I'll be not interested

Is that how you speak to the person
who just paid your rent for a year

What did you just say

Congratulations, vanessa

You just won 365 more days
in your ikea-furnished closet

You went to my building

You talked to my landlord

No, i don't speak ukrainian
but i do speak envelope of cash

And he understood me perfectly

I can't believe you

Blair waldorf is not indebted to anyone

no matter how much i appreciate what you did

You're welcome, i guess

Good

Now this transaction is finished

and i'm free to return to disliking you

I wouldn't have it any other way

Oh, and one more thing

If you didn't pay your rent with it

what did you do with chuck's money

I may have created a medical grant
for teens with genital herpes...

In his name

I can't believe she didn't expel me

Yeah, i know

It's shocking

I--you--25 hours of community outreach

That's not bad at all

I mean, i probably would've done it
anyway being as i'm on the committee

That had occurred to me

Yeah

Wait. What are you saying

No, no, i'm not saying anything

Believe me

So you don't buy

what she said about me being

the poster child for the new honor code

Look, I know

for a fact my mom didn't plead my case

or donate anything, okay

I didn't say a thing

Are you really turning this into
an "upstairs, downstairs" thing

No. No, you are

I'm being completely silent

I'm just happy that you're not being expelled

or leaving town anytime soon
Are you hungry

We should...

Always

But you still believe that
there's a double standard

that people like me get specl trtrtment

Ms. Van der woodsen

Your mother sent me to pick you up

Oh

Great

That was...

Thoughtful

I think you get no special treatment at all

Your life is completely uncharmed and...

Average

It's okay. I'll walk

No, come on
I'm--i was kidding

I was kidding

You going to brooklyn

It's a rare occasion to celebr
ate the merging of two families

And i couldn't be happier

to be here tonight to celebrate
lily's acceptance of my proposal

* forgive me if i'm young *

* for speaking out of turn *

* there's someone i've been missing *

* i think that they could be *

* the better half of me *

So to my lovely bride and our growing family

* trying to make it right *

You packed light

Please try to understand

I think i do

* so i'll say you'll *

I'm just sorry

* come home *
- so am I

* 'cause i've been waiting for you *

* for so long, for so long *

* and right now there's a
war between the vanities *

* but all i see is you and me *

* the fight for you is all i've ever kwn *

* so come home *

Mom looks about as happy
as grandma at last call

I know

It seems bart's personality

or lack thereof--is contagious

I don't even know how she breathes
with her blouse buttoned that high

How glad are you to see
our families merge, sis

So glad that if you ever call me that again

it'll be the last thing you ever say, chuck

I love it

our first brother/sister squabble

I hope you're going to

make yourself available for more

missed childhood memories

bathing together, for example

(dvor?k's "romantic pieces opus 75" playing you're
probably wondering why i asked you here.

After our last conversation, yeah

Do you think it's possible for two people

who have been through as much as we have to

really forgive and forget

If we really want to, i think we can

A lot of mistakes have been made

If you're ready to forgive me...

Then nothing can tear us apart

I promise

What you said before...

I love you, too

Always have, always will

So...

Your new stepbrother told me
about your problem at school

Frankly, i wasn't surprised

given your propensity for
recklessness and adventure

I'm sorry

Don't tell your mother

but i made a call

You did what

It was harder than usual

That new headmistress of
yours is a real piece of work

I had to go over her head

Sorry i couldn't get the charges
completely dropped

but, um...

At least i got you a minimal sentence

One thing about being on the inside

once you get there, you don't always
get to choose where you stand...

Or sit

I was just looking out for my family

The new van der woodsen/bass

library should be completed
for eric's graduation

I can see that lily

and i are gonna have our hands full with

- the two of you.
- Will you excuse me? I need some air

Sometimes you need to step outside

clear your head and remind
yourself of who you are...

And where you want to be

* i left as soon as i was strong *

Hey

Aren't you supposed to be at
your mom's engagement thing

Yeah, well, i had to get out of there.

It was getting a little hard to breathe
you know?

Those parties can be that way.

So are you, um, packing up your music

Nah. I just...

Need to find something new to write about

And i will

* cross the river to the other side *

* cross the river to the other side *

Hey

You're a little overdressed for the
study date i didn't know we had.

You were right about everything.

You wanna talk about it?

* home again *

* or else you'll give it one more try *

Can i just sit here with you for a while

Yeah.

* or risk it all to satisfy *

Chaucer?

Yeah, i got a test on friday

Mine's thursday

* to cross the river to the other side *

* cross the river to the other side *
And sometimes you have

to venture outside your world
in order to find yourself

As for me

I'm happy right where I am

I only wanna be with you

X.o.x.o., gossip girl