Gossip Girl (2021–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Gossip Girl - full transcript
♪ Aren't I supposed
to be Happy now? ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ Happy now ♪
I'll have y'all home in 20.
♪ They're all so happy for me ♪
♪ So take a drive around
town In my douchebag car ♪
♪ Like the superstar
That I pretend to be ♪
♪ Nothing feels better
Than buying love ♪
♪ When push comes to
shove, I'm lonely ♪
♪ With everybody
Talking 'bout you ♪
♪ You won't remember
Who you are ♪
♪ Everybody talking 'bout you ♪
♪ Doesn't get you far... ♪
New year, new me incoming.
- You okay, Mone?
- I'm gonna be perfect.
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ They're all So
happy for me... ♪
Happy New Year, followers.
Been a minute, and I
know you've missed me.
Because it must have been
pretty dark and lonely
out there without me around.
Lucky for you, I'm the light
at the end of your tunnel.
You still want me to eat that?
Here to illuminate
what you've been up to
while you thought
no one was watching.
And to those of
you who may doubt
the credibility of
what I might say,
remember, I can only be
as honest as you are.
But admit it,
it's the fiction that keeps
the facts interesting, anyway.
♪ Happy now ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ They're all So
happy for me ♪
So try to ignore me if you dare.
♪ And if I'm not I'll
never be happy now ♪
Pretty soon...
I'll have everyone talking.
♪ Maybe I'll never
be Happy now... ♪
And you'll be back here
to make sure they're
not talking about you.
♪ Forget ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ Not... ♪
No, no... maybe.
Is that Vera Wang?
Definitely not.
The guidelines say no
ivory, no buff, no pearl.
No décolletage, no trains, no
excessive lace, no beading.
Just stiff duchess
satin, organdy, or tulle.
There aren't many choices.
Even less with Gossip Girl
trying to burn my contacts
by telling the world
I deal in knockoffs.
- Does this look like a knockoff?
- Still no response?
At first, I thought she
didn't like the selects,
so I sent more.
Who could say no
to that Peter Do?
- It was on its way to Zendaya,
and I had to "blackmail"
Law Roach's assistant
with those pictures of
her and Cancel Elgort.
At this point, I expect Julien
to show up in Patagonia.
We had a whole plan
at New Year's, right?
Yeah, m... maybe she's
finally giving up?
She hasn't even opened IG.
What kind of an
influencer isn't online?
If she's not online, then...
what is she doing?
♪ Afraid of what you'll find ♪
♪ Forget me not ♪
- Oh, no. Me first!
- Wait! I need to shower.
- So do I.
I thought you already
did. I heard the water.
I ran it for steam.
It's part one of my
three-part skincare routine.
Used to be ten, but
new research shows
that all you need is a
cleanser, moisturizer,
- and a sunblock...
- I'm not following.
- A bunch of dermatologists...
- No, I mean, I don't care.
And I need to get in there.
Some of us have hair.
Why don't you go put together
an outfit in your closet...
What, you know, used
to be my bedroom.
And by the time you're done,
maybe I can see myself in
the full-size mirror again.
If my stuff is an
imposition, I'll just...
- I'll...
- Everything okay here?
You're sharing well
with your sister, Z?
All yours.
Hmm.
We're gonna be late.
It doesn't normally
take this long.
It's my third time this
morning, just give me a second.
Hon, you awake?
I took a red eye so we could
have breakfast together.
- Shit, shit, shit.
- Shit, shit. Go, go.
Uh, great. But, uh,
don't... don't come in.
- Audrey and I
aren't... Alone.
Decent. We're not decent.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
Well, can you get
decent quickly?
Okay, come on, come on.
I promised Governor Kathy
I'd have tea with her at 10:00,
and I can't cancel again.
The two of us will
be right there.
How do you feel about
making some omelets?
That sounds great! Yeah, sure.
- A whole semester on Chaucer?
- Yes, and it's an AP class.
Miss Keller got me
in a year early.
Well... I'm relieved
you're taking school
seriously. After what I read...
Dad, I've never even seen
coke, let alone touched it.
Why are you still
reading Gossip Girl?
Are those overalls?
I know they're your thing
but I hope you don't mind.
I augmented them a little bit.
Everything you wear
just works, doesn't it?
All right.
I thought you hated this kind.
You can have mine, Z.
I'll just grab something
on the way to school.
The bus stop is literally
outside the door.
Excited for your first-ever
college counseling session?
Dad, I'm a freshman.
- Oh, he means me.
- She's not gonna go to college.
Yes. I am.
We were texting
about it over break.
Yeah, I'm thinking
of pursuing an MBA.
Oh, really? What
does it stand for?
- Um... Have to say...
I'm pretty impressed you've
been staying off social media.
Yeah, I hardly even miss it.
I'm loving these heat lamps.
Right? We can
finally sit outside.
Oh, my gosh. Look,
there's a coffee cart now.
The one on the right, guys.
Down the hall.
- Kate!
Wow, do you look great!
- Don't I look great too? I...
- Did you see the new heat lamps?
And were those Compass chairs?
Those cost almost
500 dollars apiece!
A gift from the de Haan family
for the student cafeteria.
Yet we still get Costco coffee.
I swear, she's
trolling me on purpose.
Told you she wouldn't let it go.
The woman called me a Karen.
The Jeanneret chairs were in
exchange for something else
you're really not gonna like,
but I'm gonna like
watching you not like.
I gave her a C!
And her mom gifted her a B-plus.
All the more reason for you
to take out your anger
on her anonymously,
like my cousins who
may or may not have
- stormed the
Capitol. Excuse me.
- Hi.
Has Julien given you on
anything on Camille yet?
Last I checked,
Gossip Girl was...
- Is.
- Is she back?
She is, without us.
It was "too many voices."
New year, new mission.
- I was gonna tell you, I just...
- Didn't?
After outing every tipster,
who would even click on this,
let alone send anything in?
I cut a deal with Julien.
She thinks Gossip
Girl made her better.
She wants to do the
same for everyone else.
- And you believe her?
- She's already sending in tips.
Though only some
of them are true.
Like Zoya selling drugs. It's
like two truths and a lie.
I was a green sash in NXIVM.
I've been to Epstein's island.
I found Hunter Biden's laptop.
I can't believe you organized
his closet by color.
You left me in there so long
that the whites are
subdivided by shade.
We're sorry, okay?
Jodi's not like your
dads. She's not ready
- to have breakfast with, uh...
a full table.
Another blast?
What's next, I buy
my books on Amazon?
It's not about you.
It's... it's about Max.
Which teacher am I fucking now?
Welcome back, my pretties.
What better way to
ring in this new year
than to announce just who
got Max Wolfe's ball
to drop first in '22?
Noah Beck at Hype House?
Olivia Rodrigo
backstage at the Bowl?
Or perhaps it was
a holy trinity?
How about I post the real
holy trinity right now?
Do you want me to
blur your body parts,
or will we just wait and
see how long it takes
for us to get reported?
Un... unless you guys don't feel
comfortable with people knowing?
No, no, no. Of course we are!
It's just, Gossip Girl is
in her flop era right now.
So why give her the
exclusive, you know?
I just remembered...
I forgot to get my copy of
Dubliners back from Julien.
So I'm gonna go catch her
before she gets into class.
First, I'm gonna go
grab some coffee. Bye.
She's wearing overalls,
like an American Girl doll.
Just wait,
ten people will be
wearing these by tomorrow.
Yes, teachers. Did you not get
the mood boards I sent you?
I did, and I wasn't in the mood.
This semester, I have zero plans
beyond figuring out my future.
Do I boost my GPA? Take
on extracurriculars?
It's all about getting
into a good college.
College?
You might as well fall down a
Chilean mine for four years.
When you come back out again,
not even your family
will remember you.
Okay. Um, maybe
you're not hearing me.
I'm starting over.
Which means I'm not gonna
be going after everything.
I'm just gonna let whatever
comes to me come to me.
And without a platform
on which to be contacted,
how do you expect that
to happen? Osmosis?
I'm excited to see.
Love the overalls.
- Time for your
next meeting. Hmm.
Now do you see why I
defected on Halloween?
I saw this crash coming.
Now you pulled me back
in, and I'm collateral.
Thanks so much.
Do you think I'm doing the
wrong thing, giving it up to God
or whatever people who
believe in that stuff say?
The only reason that
New Year's even exists
besides that pagan thing
that no one talks about...
- Hmm.
- Is for the world
to give us permission
to try something new.
So, like, on any given Monday,
you can say you're going vegan,
but in January
everyone believes you.
I mean, look at me.
Two weeks ago, if I said I
was in a queer relationship,
everyone would probably accuse
me of trying to center myself.
But in January, I'm
speaking factually!
How is that going?
Oh, my God. It's like a
constant endorphin rush.
Nothing can put
me in a bad mood.
Even that.
Hey, Z!
Trouble in Buffalo?
I mean, things have
been a little tense
the last 24 hours.
But that's what happens
when three people
share a bathroom.
Speaking of sharing, can
we talk about it yet?
People are gonna
lose their minds.
We're trying to keep
it low-pro, okay?
- It's still so new...
And it looks like people have
already lost their minds.
What is this?
Does anyone really
believe this shit?
"Noble O really paid people
to protest outside
432 Park in 2019"?
I think that actually happened.
I wonder how Gossip
Girl found out.
Who cares? This account is
more dated than Diet Prada.
I don't even know why I still
have post notifications on.
I don't mind GG.
I learned a lesson from her
putting our shit out there.
Secrets just blow
up in our faces.
Easy for you to say.
My secret requires
three-factor authentication.
Even if we all agreed,
I'm not sure I want it
to be public knowledge.
Right. 'Cause relationships
always work out
when you have to lie about them.
Excuse me, but I wasn't aware
that they work when you don't.
How is Obie, by the way?
Have you heard from
him? Has anyone?
It's just advice. Do
whatever you want.
I don't need
permission, and I am.
Uh, which thing? I'll get it.
Yeah, just gimme a hand?
Hey!
Don't worry about the plants.
Those are my things!
Wh... Why are you taking
them out of my room?
Uh, you've been relocated.
- Sorry, who are you?
- Mike Shubin. Russian Classics.
And this is my room,
always has been.
I've been here for
the last two years.
While I was on sabbatical.
But now I'm back.
You lucked out. Most
teachers start subterranean.
Pro tip. Put an air freshener
in the ceiling vent, uh,
helps mask the
essence of mildew.
Shubes! Hey!
Hi! My mom is gonna be
so happy you're back.
Already have dinner
on the books.
Oh, good. Looking
forward to it.
-How you doing? I've
been good. How are you?
It's you! Miss Keller.
My guidance counselor
for college?
- It says we got assigned.
What do you think my odds are?
Right. Um...
Our first meeting isn't
till later this week...
- - but how are your
extracurriculars?
Um...
- I've volunteered publicly.
- Does that help me stand out?
- Mmm...
Um,
just because something is
public doesn't mean it matters.
Who are you without Instagram?
- I'm thinking about that...
for the first... time.
Anyway, I'm, uh, really
excited to be working with you.
- Me too.
Have you seen this?
- "Lunet used to make out?"
- Hmm?
What kind of ship name is
that? We clearly would be Mona.
Is she a good kisser?
It's... It's not
true! None of it.
Gossip Girl's gone
full Facebook.
But wait, if...
if you believe her,
then who's to say
that she doesn't have the power
to make Julien popular again?
That won't happen.
People will be bored
by Gossip Girl by then.
Everybody loves a dumpster fire.
She hasn't lost one follower.
If I'm going to
take Julien's place,
I need Gossip Girl to
make my assumption public.
The guillotine was placed in
the town square for a reason.
You didn't just kill your enemy,
you struck fear in
everyone else as well.
Are you still going to the
debutante ball with me?
I would follow you
through the gates of hell.
Good. Because you both will
have very important roles
when we get there.
Come Sunday, Julien's
head will roll,
and the crown that
she never respected
will finally... be on mine.
Uh, hey. How much for an eighth?
Supply chain issues. Get lost.
Bye-bye.
That is the third
time this morning.
Oh, just means your cred's up.
Check it. I'm wearing the
mood ring we fished out
from the tracks of the C.
I've been purple-excited
to see you all morning.
- Right.
Plus my knuckle
has been tingling,
so I may lick it later
and see what happens.
I thought you were gonna wear
the earring we
found in your pizza.
Couldn't find 'em.
I've had trouble finding
anything now that my bedroom
has been turned into
a Farfetch warehouse.
Ugh! That girl is
on another level.
And my dad doesn't
even seem to notice.
Actually, he notices her plenty.
It's just me that's
turned invisible.
Okay, so Jules is his favorite.
- He doesn't have a favorite.
- All parents do.
And it's best to know
exactly where you stand.
- Aren't you an only child?
- No.
I just have only child energy.
Right. Well,
I know I campaigned for
her to live with us,
but I forgot how much space
she takes up, literally.
My dad and I just...
need to spend some
alone time together,
which we're gonna
do this Saturday.
You know, the cheapest tickets
at TKTS and Xi'an's Famous,
just the two of us.
Look, you made those
plans before she moved in.
If I were you, I'd confirm.
- Now they're wearing overalls?
- Yeah.
You're all looking
at Gossip Girl
as if tipgate never happened.
When the goss is this
good, all is forgiven.
Only 'cause no one's
talking about you.
Spotted. Lone Wolfe no more.
Just three little
piggies in one blanket.
- Threesomes are so last year.
Now, it's all about
the full-time trio.
Close Friends status awarded
to anyone who can get cold,
preferably hard, proof.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Oh, I love macarons.
- Great news.
I was able to pull some strings
and got you added last-minute
as a debutante this Saturday.
Did someone tell you I'd
be interested in that?
'Cause I'm not.
Deb balls are outdated
and problematic.
Well, they used to be, until
my mom got on the board
and gave it a refresh. Now,
they don't only include
high-achieving women of
color like ourselves,
but all proceeds go to charity.
I mean, who doesn't love
a chance to look stunning
while... while
helping the world?
Old me would've
jumped, but new me
just really isn't looking
for that kind of attention.
So... thanks, but no thanks.
You know that I
support this whole
Eat, Pray, Don't Post
journey that you're on.
But not being visible
has consequences, right?
Plus, hot guys! Ugh!
If you're into that.
Ms. Keller did seem underwhelmed
by my extracurriculars.
And you on the cover
of the Style section,
I mean, it would be
the best college essay
you could ever write.
I'll see you at rehearsal.
- Yeah, fine.
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ That's where I am ♪
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ That's where I am ♪
This card is for a full
week at the Equinox hotel!
That's worthless.
It's in Hudson Yards.
This is a Frank Gehry
Hennessy bottle, though.
Hmm. It's gorgeous!
It also worth half
a year's tuition.
What does this man do
that gets him all this?
Maybe it's just the
price to look at him.
Something big is going down
at the debutante
ball this weekend.
I'm sorry. Did I just
involuntarily time travel?
Did you say "debutante ball"?
My deb ball got shut down,
and by "shut down," I
mean raided by the FBI.
I need to be on the inside.
Why? You got what you wanted.
Tips are flowing again.
I can only keep peddling
Julien's false
rumors for so long.
What better way to keep
up Gossip Girl's momentum
than an unsanctioned
live stream?
I see. This is about Camille.
How dare you even suggest that?
Is that really what
you think of me?
Okay, fine. I'll play along.
So, how exactly do you
plan on getting in?
Right through the front door.
You like cognac?
- I already have one of those.
I noticed you're going to
the deb ball this weekend.
I've always wondered
what those are like.
I can rec a few docs
you could watch.
Do you have a plus one?
I'm flattered, but as a rule,
I don't date co-workers.
You'll get 'em
next time, slugger.
So much for the front door.
Always been a
backdoor girl myself.
Ugh.
A deb ball? And you said yes?
Yeah, it's gonna look
good on my college apps.
Any college that cares about
you attending a deb ball
isn't a college that
you want to go to.
Things have changed.
You know, they're...
they're focusing
on the accomplishments
of young women,
not making women
accomplishments.
And there's a strong
push for diversity.
Monet's mom is the
first Black board member
this group has ever had.
Your dad thinks
it's a great idea.
You talked to my dad already?
Yeah. So, the girls
have to be present...
Introduced by their fathers...
Right. Because God forbid
you introduce yourself.
And since mine is
persona non grata,
Nick agreed to help
me out tomorrow night.
He and I have plans tomorrow.
Which he mentioned, but said
you wouldn't mind rescheduling.
This is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime
experience, and...
Just come with me to rehearsals
tonight after school.
Please?
I think I'll pass.
Library? Really?
No one will find
us. We're by books.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I... Well, I mean, this is...
This is very last semester, no?
No, I mean, we're just
trying to keep a low profile.
- You know, Gossip Girl's back...
- Yeah.
And we don't want to
be one of her rumors.
- Yeah.
- Except we're not a rumor.
I... Y... I knew it.
You guys, you don't want
anyone else to know about us.
No, it's just that, like,
we don't know what
"us" really is yet.
Yeah. And you know
what my dad did to me.
I... I just want to come out
on my... o... our own terms.
Okay, fine. How about
dinner tonight then?
And then after, I can
book us a hotel suite,
and everyone can
finish unencumbered.
- Good?
- Yeah. Um.
Yeah. Yeah,
I'll make the res now.
- Great.
- Yay.
- I... I'm not ready.
- Me either.
Well, he's gonna think it's
about him, and it's not.
Well, let's not
make it about him.
The attire is white dresses only.
They're very strict on that.
I saw this McQueen that I loved.
Could it be deconstructed?
It can be anything you
want as long as it's white.
Hmm. And you said
that I need an escort?
Well, the proper
term is "cavalier."
A fellow deb offered
up her brother.
He goes to Concord,
and he's your height.
- My height?
- Well, that's a requirement.
After you're presented by Nick,
then you'll go to
an escorted waltz.
I don't think I've
ever waltzed before.
Well, you can
practice at rehearsal.
You're a natural at everything.
You'll pick it up fast.
- See you there, bestie.
So... you were right.
My dad canceled on me
because Julien needed somebody
to present her at some deb ball.
His new fav daughter.
I warned you.
And Monet has somehow
convinced her that the...
The ball has suddenly moved
into the 21st century.
You know what else has moved
into the 21st century?
White supremacy.
Religious exemptions.
Amy Coney Barrett.
Since when is Monet de Haan
your sister's moral compass?
You need to convince
Julien otherwise.
She did invite me
to the rehearsal.
Then while she's
playing dress up,
you can dress down
the whole event.
And reach.
Open up.
And curtsy.
Come back around
and look left...
and right.
And we waltz. Two, three.
Two, three. One, two, three.
Turn. Good.
Two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three. Turn.
Chin up. Two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
- Turn. And rest.
Very nice, everyone.
You've earned a break.
Very impressive for
your first waltz.
You're fitting in quite
nicely, Miss Calloway.
It's not customary to
admit someone this late.
I hope you understand the
magnitude of this honor.
I do. Proud to be a part of
all the wonderful changes
you're making in
this institution.
- You made it.
This is not so bad, huh?
It's great. I mean,
who doesn't love
watching men and women
lined up according to dated
roles of gender norms?
You seem to be
enjoying the view.
I mean, it's the... It's
the least offensive thing.
Who is he?
Oh, that's my cavalier,
Terrell Carter.
The heir to a not-so-modest
automotive fortune.
If only he were a
woman, he'd be perfect.
I'm on the arm of a
future Brooklyn Net.
The heels they're
forcing me to wear.
Just watch out for
my brother, Julien.
He's the first gay
you'll ever meet
with no rhythm whatsoever.
- I mean, other than me.
He's been lovely, Shelby.
And I don't mind leading.
I knew that you
would fit in here.
Kate.
- What are you...
- I'm Julien's counselor.
I was visiting a friend nearby,
so I just thought
I'd drop these off.
Nice color.
Oh. No one's touched
the place in years.
And the girls are okay
with who's paying for it?
They understand that decision.
I've come to understand it, too.
I'm really sorry for any
stress I may have caused you.
That actually means a lot.
Here.
Brown, Vassar, Smith?
Are you sure these
are for Julien?
She's a smart girl.
She'll have a sparkling resume
when it's time for college apps.
And something like
that deb ball?
It's very good to
send her there.
I, for one, am not looking
forward to spending a night
with all the people I
help sue on a daily basis.
I could come with
you as a buffer?
You saved me from
all those parents
at the fundraiser last semester.
- Allow me to return the favor?
- Hmm.
Uh, are you... are you
sure that this is the place
you want to go public?
It's the only place I could
get a reservation for three.
- If we were two, or
four, maybe, but...
Do you have a reservation?
At five o'clock? Does it matter?
Hope, for three?
Ah, yes. We spoke
earlier. Right this way.
Um. This table is square.
It is.
I requested round. I get
claustrophobic, remember?
Thanks.
- I want bread.
- We just sat down.
Yeah. Well, if you ask
before they bring it,
the service will
stay on their toes.
Harris, hi. What
are you doing here?
My dad owns the building.
He's mulling renting
it to Bluestone, but...
if you're here with
Aki and Max Wolfe,
maybe it's bouncing back.
Or is Gossip Girl
right about you three?
No "or." Only "and."
As in, "and I agree."
And God, we should
hang out more.
And, um...
And you're done with this
conversation? Me too.
- I ordered something sparkling.
You know, I... I
figured, why not?
It's a celebratory moment.
Our first public date.
My mom did it again!
- What's happening?
I told her I was...
What?
- And I'm fine. I'm
fine. Wanna try again?
Uh, can you take a photo of us?
Audrey? Can you...
Yeah, cute. Love that.
Max, why aren't you taking it?
Sh... Uh... Shouldn't I be in
it? Is it not... Excuse me, sir?
- Sir!
- You know what?
I... I forgot to wash my hands
after I did something gross.
Uh...
- Your phone.
What is it? Obie finally
climbed out of that fox's hole?
Uh, no, no, it's just
a Deadline alert.
You know, Sundance
is coming soon,
- you know?
- Hmm.
Okay. Well, then I... I mean,
if you need to go to Sundance,
then I guess that
this dinner is over.
- What...
- With my boyfriend?
Let's go, honey.
Get your phone.
Sorry, guys.
Dad, you can't sell
this place now.
Thank you for sticking around.
I really needed
the extra practice.
Didn't look like it.
It's all falling into place.
Julien won't know what hit her.
- How'd you come up with this?
- Some talent can't be taught.
Bye.
Hey.
Is everything okay here?
It's just my girlfriend.
She can't escort
me tomorrow night,
and now we're in a big
fight about it. So...
Why can't she escort you?
Because this very
progressive board
only allows male cavaliers.
It's just one night. Right?
That's what they
keep telling me,
and I keep telling her.
- But she's...
And that's her.
I better take this.
Hey, babe.
Sorry, I haven't had a
chance to call you...
Does your college app have
an essay writing portion
- on homophobia?
- You heard Shelby.
- It's just one night.
Are you hearing yourself?
One night? Wh... I mean, being
forced to hide who you are
for even just a
minute is ridic...
Maybe we should stay out of
this because it's not our fight.
And what about the great changes
that are being made
to this institution?
It isn't progress
if you're getting
to pick and choose who's
allowed in the door.
If Shelby's okay with
it, we have to be, too.
I like it here.
This is the first time
in a while I feel like
I have a sense of direction.
Can you not make this
one of your causes,
just this once? For me?
- What the hell was that?
You guys, you seem like
you don't want anyone
to know about us.
- That's not true.
- Not at all!
Okay, well, if I
could see anything,
I feel like I would
see you were lying.
Look, we wanna do
this on our own terms.
- We told you that.
Yeah, that's what
we were supposed
to be doing tonight.
Look, maybe this was
just a terrible idea.
Maybe we were just drunk on
the holiday spirit, and...
Yeah, maybe we should
just end this thing now.
- No. We don...
- No!
- We don't want that.
- Okay. Prove it.
Okay. Um, I'll
text the chain now.
Mm-mm. No.
In public, in front of
everyone tomorrow night.
But we have that
weird debutante thing.
Yeah. And what better
place to come out
than a coming-out party?
Us three on the dance floor,
stealing the spotlight in
front of New York society.
-Hmm?
Let's rip this Band-Aid off.
It's worse than we thought.
Not only is the deb ball
just as bad as we suspected,
- Julien doesn't care!
- Copy that.
We kidnap and
reprogram. I know a guy.
No. We have to go
bigger than that.
Look, you know me.
I'm down to go as
big as you want to,
but... are you sure
this isn't about you not
being Daddy's favorite?
This is about justice!
And exposing a bloated,
dated organization for
the hypocrites they are.
- Uh... Uh...
- And I've got the plan to do it.
Shit! All right, all right.
It's debutante season
for our lovely ladies,
and while we're excited
for all the coming-outs,
we all know it's really
about who comes out on top.
Mr. de Haan!
Your wife is already inside.
Pleasure.
I can't believe Gemma
wore her hair up.
The ears didn't
do her any favors.
- They distract from her face.
What better way to celebrate
burgeoning womanhood than
with those who raised us?
You look beautiful, Zoya.
Well, how about
me? I'm so nervous.
Never would've expected to
be at something like this,
but I'm also feeling weirdly
proud all of a sudden?
Around those we are
just getting to know.
But with every tradition is
an opportunity to disrupt.
So girls,
I'd keep my eyes out tonight.
The stairs are steep,
and any humiliation
is a long way to fall.
What's it like
having a night off?
Off? Babe,
even when I'm not doing
everything for JC,
- I'm doing everything for JC.
She may think this is about
her future or whatever,
but I'm going to make
sure it hits her present.
When she comes down
those stairs, we go live.
- How's your triangle?
- All will be well after tonight.
You know I've never been
one to stay in the closet.
Spoken like someone who
thinks it's only about him?
Uh, no. They promised me
that they want what I want.
And that's the
only way it works.
No one wants what the
next person wants.
That's the way life works.
Have you asked
them what they want
- instead of supposing?
- Yeah. We're all... W...
We're all very honest
with each other. So...
So you know they've been
here this whole time?
Look, I know this may be hard,
but do try to keep a
low profile tonight?
This isn't your polyamory prom.
It's... sexist Civil
War reenactment
masquerading as a
societal rite of passage.
I don't want any drama on
new Julien's new feed, 'kay?
- Hey! You guys look great.
- You look great.
Yeah. We all look great!
I'm gonna go and get us
something we all want.
Yeah, I'm gonna get us
something we all want
from a different place.
What?
Great. The de Haans are here.
- Oh God, here it comes.
- Here what comes?
I did some work for her,
and it didn't go well.
Nick Lott, right?
Outten and Golden?
- You know who I am?
- Yeah.
You went up against
my company last year.
One of our factory
employees from Buffalo.
Oh. Honestly, I didn't put
that together till just now.
Oh, that's because
you didn't win.
Julien and my daughter
are... Are close. And, um...
- Is this... is this your...
- Uh, Kate Keller,
- one of Monet's teachers.
- Oh, pleasure.
- And this is my daughter, Zoya.
- Yep. I know who she is, too.
Your father and I were
just talking about work.
Oh, did he tell you how
he just got promoted?
I was just... I was just
getting to that part.
Promoted?
Yeah. He's making a
lot more money now.
You know, we almost
got evicted...
Mr. de Haan doesn't need to
know the whole story, Zoya.
I'm gonna get a drink.
Excuse me, sorry.
- Oh! So you found a way in.
Catch you later.
♪ Help me escape
This feeling... ♪
- Could I get a gin and tonic, please?
- Great taste.
I promised to get the exact
same for my friend Camille.
On second thought,
vodka martini.
Why was it so important
for you to come to this?
You don't seem the type to
take your work home with you
- on the weekend.
- Maybe I just wanted
to join the ranks of
the pay-for-players.
- Got any openings?
- I can explain.
Mike, this is Nick,
Zoya's father.
He's almost rich
enough to afford you,
or he already is, I don't know.
- Okay...
- Ah, he got you in instead.
- Instead?
- I'm gonna get some air.
♪ You took away The
love that I knew ♪
Everything good?
You and your girlfriend?
I... don't know.
I used to, you know.
Like, if something ever
felt right or wrong,
I'd know what to do.
But I can't tell if it's
better to just play along
- or stand up for my beliefs.
I know what you mean.
The old me probably
would've caused a scene,
but I'm just confused
all the time.
Five minutes till places at
the top of the stairs, ladies.
♪ Your love is My
only desire... ♪
- Break a leg out there.
- Thank you, Andrea.
♪ 'Cause I need your love... ♪
Hey, hey! Stop loitering!
I said be discreet.
- Everything ready?
- Yes.
- And Terrell?
- All good.
- Perfect. Hey!
What do you think you're doing?
Are you allowed to be in here?
Uh... Hmm. Annemarie, was it?
Yeah, my mom is downstairs
waiting for you.
I would hurry if I was you.
Oh, okay. There she is.
Mrs. de Haan! Mrs. de Haan!
- Terrell? Where are you going?
- You know me?
Uh, yeah. I'm...
-I'm Julien Calloway's sister.
Yeah, no. I know who you are.
You are the star of Gossip Girl.
♪ I was there with you... ♪
Right. Um...
Aren't you supposed to
be Monet's cavalier?
Yeah, I was, but shit changed.
I gotta bounce, but I
will catch you later, Z.
♪ The world would be
Wild for the dream ♪
♪ So baby don't turn away... ♪
- Ooh!
- You are so late!
And you are so busted.
You're flirting.
Am not.
But where's the package?
I set it down. Are you ready?
- Let's go. I asked you
to refill this for me
over an hour ago, did I not?
I... haven't had a spare moment.
You expect me to present
the incoming class
with my phone like
a plebeian? Go!
I will do it as soon
as I possibly can.
Hi. Uh, I couldn't help
but notice you and
Camille de Haan.
- Is everything okay?
- I have a job to do,
and she expects me to be
her personal assistant.
People like that expect
everyone to be their assistants.
So now, the girls are
gonna be late to line up
because Mrs. de
Haan seems to think
that it is my responsibility
to go to the Trustees suite
and get her list for the lineup?
W... I know Camille well.
I'm a teacher at her
daughter's school.
I... I could go get it for you,
and you can help the women
finish getting ready.
Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
Down the hall to the left.
♪ One, two, three, go ♪
This incoming admonition
better be a coincidence
and not because you're
standing outside watching me
like some kind of
Squid Game guard.
Why would it be coincidence?
Are you currently
doing something you
shouldn't be doing?
Of course you are, because
that's all you do lately.
I am at the thing.
The debutante thing!
Oh, really? Then why
haven't you posted
- anything from there?
- Because nothing's happened yet.
Or maybe it's because
you're paying attention
to one thing and one thing only!
- Genghis de Haan!
- I haven't even seen her.
This was supposed to
be about the kids.
It was supposed to
create a better future.
But now not only are you letting
Julien Calloway run Gossip Girl,
you yourself are in a
one-way grudge match...
- where the odds
and the optics are
not on your side.
Wait, why is it so quiet?
Where are you right now?
I am in a supply closet so
I could hear you better.
- You never wanna hear me better.
- Fine. I'm in her room.
In her room?
I... I thought if I could get
in, I could maybe find something?
Uh, like what? A
signed affidavit
where she admits culpability
in the opioid crisis?
Get outta there! Get
outta there right now!
Your attention, please.
The presentation
of our debutantes
is about to begin.
Okay, when Julien starts
to walk down the stairs,
that's when we'll do it.
I mean, most eyes will
be open, am I right?
Welcome, everyone.
Sorry for the delay,
ladies and gentlemen.
I seem to have misplaced
my hard copy of the roster.
I would like to welcome you all
- and thank you for joining us.
It is with great pride
that we introduce to you
- Mr. Lott!
- Yes. Is everything okay?
- It's Zoya. She needs you.
- Why? What happened?
She stepped on a piece of glass.
And it's... it's not deep,
but you should
probably go see her.
- Okay. Yeah. Please, yes, yeah.
- I can... I can take you. Yeah,
Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Christine Jean
Allen of Fieldstone,
presented by her father,
Jeremy Dean Allen,
and escorted by Nathan C. West.
Shelby Wright, of Miss Porters,
presented by her
father, Nunnaly,
and escorted by Marcus Dutton.
Julien Calloway,
- of Constance St. Jude's.
- Excuse me, my da...
- My... Nick Lott.
- Calloway will be presented by her father...
- He's not my father.
- Davis...
Davis certainly isn't...
- Calloway.
Eliza!
What are you doing here?
I must have something
wrong. I was told
- that Nick was present...
He's not here, though.
- What are you doing?
- You invited me.
Hey, everyone. Uh,
I am Max Wolfe,
uh, and I want everyone
to know that I am...
Well, well, well.
Monet de Haan, of
Constance St. Jude's,
presented by her
father, Greyson de Haan,
- and escorted by...
- Alexa Kennedy.
- Monet, what are you doing?
- Death to the old!
In with the new.
A man will not be escorting me,
nor will I be wearing white.
My cavalier is a woman.
But this is...
this is my moment.
Isn't it nice to
share your privilege?
- I should have known.
Monet! What the fuck?
Did you invite my dad?
- Why would you do that?
- You ruined it.
- Like you ruined everything.
Hey, hey, hey! Julien
didn't do any of this.
- I invited Eliza.
- Really?
- Hey! Stay away from my sister!
You don't get to tell me
to do anything anymore.
Back off, bitch!
That's my girl.
- What are you doing?
- Zoya!
You just ripped my
dress! You're on... No!
- Bitch!
Stop it! You're
ruining my big night!
Get away from me! You're
stepping on my Loubs!
Stop it!
- Oh my God...
Nope.
Uh, I was sent in here
to get Camille's roster,
and I got locked in.
You don't owe me
any explanation.
But if I were
looking for a roster,
I certainly would never
think to check the closet.
- But, hey, maybe...
- How dare you?
- Mom!
- When Zoya reached out...
- She didn't.
Please don't be angry at her.
That's not her email address.
You didn't even think to check?
I only came here
because I thought
you wanted me here.
Why would I want you
anywhere near me?
I'm your father.
Unfortunately...
you always will be.
Up until recently...
I've lived my life on a path
that you and I made together.
If you care about me...
let me go.
I cannot believe you
destroyed this event.
Not just for yourself,
but for the other young
women and their parents.
I just wanted to turn
this place on its head.
I wanted to come out how
I wanted to come out,
and all I had in mind when I did
was you telling me that...
we don't let them
tell us how to act.
We listen to
ourselves. I thought...
I thought you would be proud.
So that led you to
invite a sexual predator
and humiliate your best friend?
I don't have an ounce...
of pride for you.
I never thought I would
be the kind of parent
who would have to lie
about their child.
Every time I talk to
your headmistress,
she tells me how you
care more about...
how you look than
who... you are.
I have to bribe her,
spend hundreds of
thousands of dollars,
so that you look like you shine
as bright on the
inside as you do out.
Conduct reports can be
erased, C's can turn into A's,
but it's just paper.
How do you not feel that shame?
I feel it every
second I look at you.
I am embarrassed to know you.
You get out of that
ridiculous dress...
and you find me and
your father downstairs.
Fucking bitch.
Max! Max, don't go.
- I feel so stupid. So played.
- Dude, we didn't mean...
- That's not what we...
- But you brought me in.
Okay? You convinced me that
this was worth something,
and now that I'm here, of
course, it's just a lie.
I mean,
this isn't a relationship.
We're not equal.
I'm just... I'm just
your aphrodisiac.
- Dude, you know
that's not it. Do I?
Prove it. Right
here, right now.
End these thoughts, or us.
Are we gonna talk about
what you were doing in
Camille de Haan's room?
Are we gonna talk about
what you were doing in
Camille de Haan's room?
Hey, hey, hey! Really?
Hey, stay away...
I didn't... I
didn't send this in.
I know you didn't. You
always have my back.
Maybe not always.
I invited Shelby's girlfriend.
I was gonna use her
to cause a scene.
Same scene, incidentally,
that Monet planned.
But minus... minus Davis.
Hey, at least you stand
up for your beliefs.
- You know what they are.
- I know one thing.
I'm jealous.
Ever since you came
to live with us,
it's like I don't
even exist anymore.
My own dad likes
you more than me.
He doesn't. He's...
He's just trying to show
me some kindness. And...
I know I take up a lot of space,
but I'm the one who's jealous.
- Of me?
- You know who you are, Z.
What you want.
I've always been defined
by everyone else.
I wanted to start the new
year with a new me, but...
I don't even understand who
I was to change from it.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe we all need to get
a little more used to...
living in the unknown.
And if I've changed the dynamic
between you and your dad...
Maybe... this is
just being sisters.
Which is an unknown
for both of us.
Whatever's going on
between you and Nick,
I know you guys are
gonna figure it out.
You always do.
And... the unknown can't
last forever, right?
So, tonight was a bust
for both of us, it seems?
Speak for yourself.
I'm going home with
a couple cavaliers.
♪ Last dreams... ♪
Well, you were right.
They don't want me.
That's not what I said.
Of course they want you.
♪ All we're ever made of... ♪
Only in the dark, maybe.
That's where they are right
now. Because it's safe there.
- Out here... it's scary.
- What? Who's scared?
I mean, look at us.
We're the fucking tops.
- Everyone wants to be us.
- They're different than us.
They've had the
privilege of lounging
in society's comfort
zone their whole lives.
The possibility of
anyone not accepting them
is unknown territory...
and terrifying.
Or don't you remember?
♪ Without you baby... ♪
Miss La, it occurs to me that
you may secretly be
the wisest among us.
Oh, that's no secret, honey.
Here's the thing
about the unknown.
At some point, you will
come out the other side.
But that doesn't mean you'll
like what you find there.
Crisis averted with
an even better crisis.
An unintentional
level up. Ooh.
The second semester is gonna
be even bigger and crazier.
And Monet de Haan ate down in
that blue dress, am I right?
- Shannon Barnes.
Please tell your grandmother
I send my regards.
I presume I'll see you both
in the Seychelles over break.
Damn straight, Shelley.
- Do you, uh, know each other?
- Tiny confession. My family?
Sorta, kinda super, crazy rich.
I mean, it's the least
interesting thing about me,
so I tend to leave it
off the list. Come on.
Which is why it often
feels better to lie
than to tell the truth.
Keep the known unknown.
Us in the dark,
you in the light.
We talked. We'll do it tomorrow.
W... We narrowed it down to
three potential locations.
♪ Don't leave me dancing... ♪
Here's what I'm thinking.
♪ In the pale blue light ♪
I've been pushing too hard.
You know, I thought
that if the world knew,
then I would stop doubting
if it were real or not.
But I didn't think that by
the world knowing it was real
that it would affect you guys.
You're not ready,
and that's okay.
You know, just because I am
doesn't mean that
you have to be.
We just wanted to, uh,
respect your feelings.
I respect yours, too.
However long it
takes... I can wait.
Until the light
slowly starts to burn.
After a while, you
have to choose.
Confess, or go down in flames.
♪ In the palm of your hand ♪
♪ Don't let me
Don't let me go ♪
♪ Can we get back to the
times We never had... ♪
I exist again.
♪ Something is
Pulling us close ♪
♪ Can we get back ♪
♪ Just let the
night Take control ♪
♪ Can we get back To
the times that we had ♪
♪ Don't let me go... ♪
When you're ready to talk,
I'll be here waiting.
You can tell me anything.
Just let me hold this magnifying
glass a little bit closer.
You have a guest.
Don't take too long.
You have more chores.
Yes, Mother.
What do you want?
Um, a reason for what
happened last night.
What the fuck was that?
Is this about me backing
off the influencer thing?
- Because if...
- You think I'm mad about that?
I'm elated, Julien. You
know, you're not the only one
who's been reevaluating
their future.
I have been wasting my
talents keeping you at the top
when you never truly deserved
it in the first place.
It's time to lift up a
queen who actually wants it.
- Me.
- Take it, it's yours.
I'm really not gonna
fight you for that.
Yes, you are. I'm
going to make you.
Here's the thing
about war, Julien.
It only takes one
side to start it.
The other side only
has to respond.
So get ready.
Because I'm not stopping
at taking your place.
I'm taking you down to
the studs, bit by bit.
There will be no
abdication. Only execution.
I can't wait to see you try.
I think I see some smoke.
That which burns the
brightest, burns the fastest.
Great knowing you.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.
to be Happy now? ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ Happy now ♪
I'll have y'all home in 20.
♪ They're all so happy for me ♪
♪ So take a drive around
town In my douchebag car ♪
♪ Like the superstar
That I pretend to be ♪
♪ Nothing feels better
Than buying love ♪
♪ When push comes to
shove, I'm lonely ♪
♪ With everybody
Talking 'bout you ♪
♪ You won't remember
Who you are ♪
♪ Everybody talking 'bout you ♪
♪ Doesn't get you far... ♪
New year, new me incoming.
- You okay, Mone?
- I'm gonna be perfect.
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ They're all So
happy for me... ♪
Happy New Year, followers.
Been a minute, and I
know you've missed me.
Because it must have been
pretty dark and lonely
out there without me around.
Lucky for you, I'm the light
at the end of your tunnel.
You still want me to eat that?
Here to illuminate
what you've been up to
while you thought
no one was watching.
And to those of
you who may doubt
the credibility of
what I might say,
remember, I can only be
as honest as you are.
But admit it,
it's the fiction that keeps
the facts interesting, anyway.
♪ Happy now ♪
♪ There's nothing left
for me To laugh about ♪
♪ I was supposed
to be Happy now ♪
♪ They're all So
happy for me ♪
So try to ignore me if you dare.
♪ And if I'm not I'll
never be happy now ♪
Pretty soon...
I'll have everyone talking.
♪ Maybe I'll never
be Happy now... ♪
And you'll be back here
to make sure they're
not talking about you.
♪ Forget ♪
♪ Me ♪
♪ Not... ♪
No, no... maybe.
Is that Vera Wang?
Definitely not.
The guidelines say no
ivory, no buff, no pearl.
No décolletage, no trains, no
excessive lace, no beading.
Just stiff duchess
satin, organdy, or tulle.
There aren't many choices.
Even less with Gossip Girl
trying to burn my contacts
by telling the world
I deal in knockoffs.
- Does this look like a knockoff?
- Still no response?
At first, I thought she
didn't like the selects,
so I sent more.
Who could say no
to that Peter Do?
- It was on its way to Zendaya,
and I had to "blackmail"
Law Roach's assistant
with those pictures of
her and Cancel Elgort.
At this point, I expect Julien
to show up in Patagonia.
We had a whole plan
at New Year's, right?
Yeah, m... maybe she's
finally giving up?
She hasn't even opened IG.
What kind of an
influencer isn't online?
If she's not online, then...
what is she doing?
♪ Afraid of what you'll find ♪
♪ Forget me not ♪
- Oh, no. Me first!
- Wait! I need to shower.
- So do I.
I thought you already
did. I heard the water.
I ran it for steam.
It's part one of my
three-part skincare routine.
Used to be ten, but
new research shows
that all you need is a
cleanser, moisturizer,
- and a sunblock...
- I'm not following.
- A bunch of dermatologists...
- No, I mean, I don't care.
And I need to get in there.
Some of us have hair.
Why don't you go put together
an outfit in your closet...
What, you know, used
to be my bedroom.
And by the time you're done,
maybe I can see myself in
the full-size mirror again.
If my stuff is an
imposition, I'll just...
- I'll...
- Everything okay here?
You're sharing well
with your sister, Z?
All yours.
Hmm.
We're gonna be late.
It doesn't normally
take this long.
It's my third time this
morning, just give me a second.
Hon, you awake?
I took a red eye so we could
have breakfast together.
- Shit, shit, shit.
- Shit, shit. Go, go.
Uh, great. But, uh,
don't... don't come in.
- Audrey and I
aren't... Alone.
Decent. We're not decent.
Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
Well, can you get
decent quickly?
Okay, come on, come on.
I promised Governor Kathy
I'd have tea with her at 10:00,
and I can't cancel again.
The two of us will
be right there.
How do you feel about
making some omelets?
That sounds great! Yeah, sure.
- A whole semester on Chaucer?
- Yes, and it's an AP class.
Miss Keller got me
in a year early.
Well... I'm relieved
you're taking school
seriously. After what I read...
Dad, I've never even seen
coke, let alone touched it.
Why are you still
reading Gossip Girl?
Are those overalls?
I know they're your thing
but I hope you don't mind.
I augmented them a little bit.
Everything you wear
just works, doesn't it?
All right.
I thought you hated this kind.
You can have mine, Z.
I'll just grab something
on the way to school.
The bus stop is literally
outside the door.
Excited for your first-ever
college counseling session?
Dad, I'm a freshman.
- Oh, he means me.
- She's not gonna go to college.
Yes. I am.
We were texting
about it over break.
Yeah, I'm thinking
of pursuing an MBA.
Oh, really? What
does it stand for?
- Um... Have to say...
I'm pretty impressed you've
been staying off social media.
Yeah, I hardly even miss it.
I'm loving these heat lamps.
Right? We can
finally sit outside.
Oh, my gosh. Look,
there's a coffee cart now.
The one on the right, guys.
Down the hall.
- Kate!
Wow, do you look great!
- Don't I look great too? I...
- Did you see the new heat lamps?
And were those Compass chairs?
Those cost almost
500 dollars apiece!
A gift from the de Haan family
for the student cafeteria.
Yet we still get Costco coffee.
I swear, she's
trolling me on purpose.
Told you she wouldn't let it go.
The woman called me a Karen.
The Jeanneret chairs were in
exchange for something else
you're really not gonna like,
but I'm gonna like
watching you not like.
I gave her a C!
And her mom gifted her a B-plus.
All the more reason for you
to take out your anger
on her anonymously,
like my cousins who
may or may not have
- stormed the
Capitol. Excuse me.
- Hi.
Has Julien given you on
anything on Camille yet?
Last I checked,
Gossip Girl was...
- Is.
- Is she back?
She is, without us.
It was "too many voices."
New year, new mission.
- I was gonna tell you, I just...
- Didn't?
After outing every tipster,
who would even click on this,
let alone send anything in?
I cut a deal with Julien.
She thinks Gossip
Girl made her better.
She wants to do the
same for everyone else.
- And you believe her?
- She's already sending in tips.
Though only some
of them are true.
Like Zoya selling drugs. It's
like two truths and a lie.
I was a green sash in NXIVM.
I've been to Epstein's island.
I found Hunter Biden's laptop.
I can't believe you organized
his closet by color.
You left me in there so long
that the whites are
subdivided by shade.
We're sorry, okay?
Jodi's not like your
dads. She's not ready
- to have breakfast with, uh...
a full table.
Another blast?
What's next, I buy
my books on Amazon?
It's not about you.
It's... it's about Max.
Which teacher am I fucking now?
Welcome back, my pretties.
What better way to
ring in this new year
than to announce just who
got Max Wolfe's ball
to drop first in '22?
Noah Beck at Hype House?
Olivia Rodrigo
backstage at the Bowl?
Or perhaps it was
a holy trinity?
How about I post the real
holy trinity right now?
Do you want me to
blur your body parts,
or will we just wait and
see how long it takes
for us to get reported?
Un... unless you guys don't feel
comfortable with people knowing?
No, no, no. Of course we are!
It's just, Gossip Girl is
in her flop era right now.
So why give her the
exclusive, you know?
I just remembered...
I forgot to get my copy of
Dubliners back from Julien.
So I'm gonna go catch her
before she gets into class.
First, I'm gonna go
grab some coffee. Bye.
She's wearing overalls,
like an American Girl doll.
Just wait,
ten people will be
wearing these by tomorrow.
Yes, teachers. Did you not get
the mood boards I sent you?
I did, and I wasn't in the mood.
This semester, I have zero plans
beyond figuring out my future.
Do I boost my GPA? Take
on extracurriculars?
It's all about getting
into a good college.
College?
You might as well fall down a
Chilean mine for four years.
When you come back out again,
not even your family
will remember you.
Okay. Um, maybe
you're not hearing me.
I'm starting over.
Which means I'm not gonna
be going after everything.
I'm just gonna let whatever
comes to me come to me.
And without a platform
on which to be contacted,
how do you expect that
to happen? Osmosis?
I'm excited to see.
Love the overalls.
- Time for your
next meeting. Hmm.
Now do you see why I
defected on Halloween?
I saw this crash coming.
Now you pulled me back
in, and I'm collateral.
Thanks so much.
Do you think I'm doing the
wrong thing, giving it up to God
or whatever people who
believe in that stuff say?
The only reason that
New Year's even exists
besides that pagan thing
that no one talks about...
- Hmm.
- Is for the world
to give us permission
to try something new.
So, like, on any given Monday,
you can say you're going vegan,
but in January
everyone believes you.
I mean, look at me.
Two weeks ago, if I said I
was in a queer relationship,
everyone would probably accuse
me of trying to center myself.
But in January, I'm
speaking factually!
How is that going?
Oh, my God. It's like a
constant endorphin rush.
Nothing can put
me in a bad mood.
Even that.
Hey, Z!
Trouble in Buffalo?
I mean, things have
been a little tense
the last 24 hours.
But that's what happens
when three people
share a bathroom.
Speaking of sharing, can
we talk about it yet?
People are gonna
lose their minds.
We're trying to keep
it low-pro, okay?
- It's still so new...
And it looks like people have
already lost their minds.
What is this?
Does anyone really
believe this shit?
"Noble O really paid people
to protest outside
432 Park in 2019"?
I think that actually happened.
I wonder how Gossip
Girl found out.
Who cares? This account is
more dated than Diet Prada.
I don't even know why I still
have post notifications on.
I don't mind GG.
I learned a lesson from her
putting our shit out there.
Secrets just blow
up in our faces.
Easy for you to say.
My secret requires
three-factor authentication.
Even if we all agreed,
I'm not sure I want it
to be public knowledge.
Right. 'Cause relationships
always work out
when you have to lie about them.
Excuse me, but I wasn't aware
that they work when you don't.
How is Obie, by the way?
Have you heard from
him? Has anyone?
It's just advice. Do
whatever you want.
I don't need
permission, and I am.
Uh, which thing? I'll get it.
Yeah, just gimme a hand?
Hey!
Don't worry about the plants.
Those are my things!
Wh... Why are you taking
them out of my room?
Uh, you've been relocated.
- Sorry, who are you?
- Mike Shubin. Russian Classics.
And this is my room,
always has been.
I've been here for
the last two years.
While I was on sabbatical.
But now I'm back.
You lucked out. Most
teachers start subterranean.
Pro tip. Put an air freshener
in the ceiling vent, uh,
helps mask the
essence of mildew.
Shubes! Hey!
Hi! My mom is gonna be
so happy you're back.
Already have dinner
on the books.
Oh, good. Looking
forward to it.
-How you doing? I've
been good. How are you?
It's you! Miss Keller.
My guidance counselor
for college?
- It says we got assigned.
What do you think my odds are?
Right. Um...
Our first meeting isn't
till later this week...
- - but how are your
extracurriculars?
Um...
- I've volunteered publicly.
- Does that help me stand out?
- Mmm...
Um,
just because something is
public doesn't mean it matters.
Who are you without Instagram?
- I'm thinking about that...
for the first... time.
Anyway, I'm, uh, really
excited to be working with you.
- Me too.
Have you seen this?
- "Lunet used to make out?"
- Hmm?
What kind of ship name is
that? We clearly would be Mona.
Is she a good kisser?
It's... It's not
true! None of it.
Gossip Girl's gone
full Facebook.
But wait, if...
if you believe her,
then who's to say
that she doesn't have the power
to make Julien popular again?
That won't happen.
People will be bored
by Gossip Girl by then.
Everybody loves a dumpster fire.
She hasn't lost one follower.
If I'm going to
take Julien's place,
I need Gossip Girl to
make my assumption public.
The guillotine was placed in
the town square for a reason.
You didn't just kill your enemy,
you struck fear in
everyone else as well.
Are you still going to the
debutante ball with me?
I would follow you
through the gates of hell.
Good. Because you both will
have very important roles
when we get there.
Come Sunday, Julien's
head will roll,
and the crown that
she never respected
will finally... be on mine.
Uh, hey. How much for an eighth?
Supply chain issues. Get lost.
Bye-bye.
That is the third
time this morning.
Oh, just means your cred's up.
Check it. I'm wearing the
mood ring we fished out
from the tracks of the C.
I've been purple-excited
to see you all morning.
- Right.
Plus my knuckle
has been tingling,
so I may lick it later
and see what happens.
I thought you were gonna wear
the earring we
found in your pizza.
Couldn't find 'em.
I've had trouble finding
anything now that my bedroom
has been turned into
a Farfetch warehouse.
Ugh! That girl is
on another level.
And my dad doesn't
even seem to notice.
Actually, he notices her plenty.
It's just me that's
turned invisible.
Okay, so Jules is his favorite.
- He doesn't have a favorite.
- All parents do.
And it's best to know
exactly where you stand.
- Aren't you an only child?
- No.
I just have only child energy.
Right. Well,
I know I campaigned for
her to live with us,
but I forgot how much space
she takes up, literally.
My dad and I just...
need to spend some
alone time together,
which we're gonna
do this Saturday.
You know, the cheapest tickets
at TKTS and Xi'an's Famous,
just the two of us.
Look, you made those
plans before she moved in.
If I were you, I'd confirm.
- Now they're wearing overalls?
- Yeah.
You're all looking
at Gossip Girl
as if tipgate never happened.
When the goss is this
good, all is forgiven.
Only 'cause no one's
talking about you.
Spotted. Lone Wolfe no more.
Just three little
piggies in one blanket.
- Threesomes are so last year.
Now, it's all about
the full-time trio.
Close Friends status awarded
to anyone who can get cold,
preferably hard, proof.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Oh, I love macarons.
- Great news.
I was able to pull some strings
and got you added last-minute
as a debutante this Saturday.
Did someone tell you I'd
be interested in that?
'Cause I'm not.
Deb balls are outdated
and problematic.
Well, they used to be, until
my mom got on the board
and gave it a refresh. Now,
they don't only include
high-achieving women of
color like ourselves,
but all proceeds go to charity.
I mean, who doesn't love
a chance to look stunning
while... while
helping the world?
Old me would've
jumped, but new me
just really isn't looking
for that kind of attention.
So... thanks, but no thanks.
You know that I
support this whole
Eat, Pray, Don't Post
journey that you're on.
But not being visible
has consequences, right?
Plus, hot guys! Ugh!
If you're into that.
Ms. Keller did seem underwhelmed
by my extracurriculars.
And you on the cover
of the Style section,
I mean, it would be
the best college essay
you could ever write.
I'll see you at rehearsal.
- Yeah, fine.
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ That's where I am ♪
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ You're the only
one I ever wanted ♪
♪ All I ever really
wanted Was you ♪
♪ That's where I am ♪
This card is for a full
week at the Equinox hotel!
That's worthless.
It's in Hudson Yards.
This is a Frank Gehry
Hennessy bottle, though.
Hmm. It's gorgeous!
It also worth half
a year's tuition.
What does this man do
that gets him all this?
Maybe it's just the
price to look at him.
Something big is going down
at the debutante
ball this weekend.
I'm sorry. Did I just
involuntarily time travel?
Did you say "debutante ball"?
My deb ball got shut down,
and by "shut down," I
mean raided by the FBI.
I need to be on the inside.
Why? You got what you wanted.
Tips are flowing again.
I can only keep peddling
Julien's false
rumors for so long.
What better way to keep
up Gossip Girl's momentum
than an unsanctioned
live stream?
I see. This is about Camille.
How dare you even suggest that?
Is that really what
you think of me?
Okay, fine. I'll play along.
So, how exactly do you
plan on getting in?
Right through the front door.
You like cognac?
- I already have one of those.
I noticed you're going to
the deb ball this weekend.
I've always wondered
what those are like.
I can rec a few docs
you could watch.
Do you have a plus one?
I'm flattered, but as a rule,
I don't date co-workers.
You'll get 'em
next time, slugger.
So much for the front door.
Always been a
backdoor girl myself.
Ugh.
A deb ball? And you said yes?
Yeah, it's gonna look
good on my college apps.
Any college that cares about
you attending a deb ball
isn't a college that
you want to go to.
Things have changed.
You know, they're...
they're focusing
on the accomplishments
of young women,
not making women
accomplishments.
And there's a strong
push for diversity.
Monet's mom is the
first Black board member
this group has ever had.
Your dad thinks
it's a great idea.
You talked to my dad already?
Yeah. So, the girls
have to be present...
Introduced by their fathers...
Right. Because God forbid
you introduce yourself.
And since mine is
persona non grata,
Nick agreed to help
me out tomorrow night.
He and I have plans tomorrow.
Which he mentioned, but said
you wouldn't mind rescheduling.
This is kind of a once-in-a-lifetime
experience, and...
Just come with me to rehearsals
tonight after school.
Please?
I think I'll pass.
Library? Really?
No one will find
us. We're by books.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I... Well, I mean, this is...
This is very last semester, no?
No, I mean, we're just
trying to keep a low profile.
- You know, Gossip Girl's back...
- Yeah.
And we don't want to
be one of her rumors.
- Yeah.
- Except we're not a rumor.
I... Y... I knew it.
You guys, you don't want
anyone else to know about us.
No, it's just that, like,
we don't know what
"us" really is yet.
Yeah. And you know
what my dad did to me.
I... I just want to come out
on my... o... our own terms.
Okay, fine. How about
dinner tonight then?
And then after, I can
book us a hotel suite,
and everyone can
finish unencumbered.
- Good?
- Yeah. Um.
Yeah. Yeah,
I'll make the res now.
- Great.
- Yay.
- I... I'm not ready.
- Me either.
Well, he's gonna think it's
about him, and it's not.
Well, let's not
make it about him.
The attire is white dresses only.
They're very strict on that.
I saw this McQueen that I loved.
Could it be deconstructed?
It can be anything you
want as long as it's white.
Hmm. And you said
that I need an escort?
Well, the proper
term is "cavalier."
A fellow deb offered
up her brother.
He goes to Concord,
and he's your height.
- My height?
- Well, that's a requirement.
After you're presented by Nick,
then you'll go to
an escorted waltz.
I don't think I've
ever waltzed before.
Well, you can
practice at rehearsal.
You're a natural at everything.
You'll pick it up fast.
- See you there, bestie.
So... you were right.
My dad canceled on me
because Julien needed somebody
to present her at some deb ball.
His new fav daughter.
I warned you.
And Monet has somehow
convinced her that the...
The ball has suddenly moved
into the 21st century.
You know what else has moved
into the 21st century?
White supremacy.
Religious exemptions.
Amy Coney Barrett.
Since when is Monet de Haan
your sister's moral compass?
You need to convince
Julien otherwise.
She did invite me
to the rehearsal.
Then while she's
playing dress up,
you can dress down
the whole event.
And reach.
Open up.
And curtsy.
Come back around
and look left...
and right.
And we waltz. Two, three.
Two, three. One, two, three.
Turn. Good.
Two, three. One, two, three.
One, two, three. Turn.
Chin up. Two, three.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
- Turn. And rest.
Very nice, everyone.
You've earned a break.
Very impressive for
your first waltz.
You're fitting in quite
nicely, Miss Calloway.
It's not customary to
admit someone this late.
I hope you understand the
magnitude of this honor.
I do. Proud to be a part of
all the wonderful changes
you're making in
this institution.
- You made it.
This is not so bad, huh?
It's great. I mean,
who doesn't love
watching men and women
lined up according to dated
roles of gender norms?
You seem to be
enjoying the view.
I mean, it's the... It's
the least offensive thing.
Who is he?
Oh, that's my cavalier,
Terrell Carter.
The heir to a not-so-modest
automotive fortune.
If only he were a
woman, he'd be perfect.
I'm on the arm of a
future Brooklyn Net.
The heels they're
forcing me to wear.
Just watch out for
my brother, Julien.
He's the first gay
you'll ever meet
with no rhythm whatsoever.
- I mean, other than me.
He's been lovely, Shelby.
And I don't mind leading.
I knew that you
would fit in here.
Kate.
- What are you...
- I'm Julien's counselor.
I was visiting a friend nearby,
so I just thought
I'd drop these off.
Nice color.
Oh. No one's touched
the place in years.
And the girls are okay
with who's paying for it?
They understand that decision.
I've come to understand it, too.
I'm really sorry for any
stress I may have caused you.
That actually means a lot.
Here.
Brown, Vassar, Smith?
Are you sure these
are for Julien?
She's a smart girl.
She'll have a sparkling resume
when it's time for college apps.
And something like
that deb ball?
It's very good to
send her there.
I, for one, am not looking
forward to spending a night
with all the people I
help sue on a daily basis.
I could come with
you as a buffer?
You saved me from
all those parents
at the fundraiser last semester.
- Allow me to return the favor?
- Hmm.
Uh, are you... are you
sure that this is the place
you want to go public?
It's the only place I could
get a reservation for three.
- If we were two, or
four, maybe, but...
Do you have a reservation?
At five o'clock? Does it matter?
Hope, for three?
Ah, yes. We spoke
earlier. Right this way.
Um. This table is square.
It is.
I requested round. I get
claustrophobic, remember?
Thanks.
- I want bread.
- We just sat down.
Yeah. Well, if you ask
before they bring it,
the service will
stay on their toes.
Harris, hi. What
are you doing here?
My dad owns the building.
He's mulling renting
it to Bluestone, but...
if you're here with
Aki and Max Wolfe,
maybe it's bouncing back.
Or is Gossip Girl
right about you three?
No "or." Only "and."
As in, "and I agree."
And God, we should
hang out more.
And, um...
And you're done with this
conversation? Me too.
- I ordered something sparkling.
You know, I... I
figured, why not?
It's a celebratory moment.
Our first public date.
My mom did it again!
- What's happening?
I told her I was...
What?
- And I'm fine. I'm
fine. Wanna try again?
Uh, can you take a photo of us?
Audrey? Can you...
Yeah, cute. Love that.
Max, why aren't you taking it?
Sh... Uh... Shouldn't I be in
it? Is it not... Excuse me, sir?
- Sir!
- You know what?
I... I forgot to wash my hands
after I did something gross.
Uh...
- Your phone.
What is it? Obie finally
climbed out of that fox's hole?
Uh, no, no, it's just
a Deadline alert.
You know, Sundance
is coming soon,
- you know?
- Hmm.
Okay. Well, then I... I mean,
if you need to go to Sundance,
then I guess that
this dinner is over.
- What...
- With my boyfriend?
Let's go, honey.
Get your phone.
Sorry, guys.
Dad, you can't sell
this place now.
Thank you for sticking around.
I really needed
the extra practice.
Didn't look like it.
It's all falling into place.
Julien won't know what hit her.
- How'd you come up with this?
- Some talent can't be taught.
Bye.
Hey.
Is everything okay here?
It's just my girlfriend.
She can't escort
me tomorrow night,
and now we're in a big
fight about it. So...
Why can't she escort you?
Because this very
progressive board
only allows male cavaliers.
It's just one night. Right?
That's what they
keep telling me,
and I keep telling her.
- But she's...
And that's her.
I better take this.
Hey, babe.
Sorry, I haven't had a
chance to call you...
Does your college app have
an essay writing portion
- on homophobia?
- You heard Shelby.
- It's just one night.
Are you hearing yourself?
One night? Wh... I mean, being
forced to hide who you are
for even just a
minute is ridic...
Maybe we should stay out of
this because it's not our fight.
And what about the great changes
that are being made
to this institution?
It isn't progress
if you're getting
to pick and choose who's
allowed in the door.
If Shelby's okay with
it, we have to be, too.
I like it here.
This is the first time
in a while I feel like
I have a sense of direction.
Can you not make this
one of your causes,
just this once? For me?
- What the hell was that?
You guys, you seem like
you don't want anyone
to know about us.
- That's not true.
- Not at all!
Okay, well, if I
could see anything,
I feel like I would
see you were lying.
Look, we wanna do
this on our own terms.
- We told you that.
Yeah, that's what
we were supposed
to be doing tonight.
Look, maybe this was
just a terrible idea.
Maybe we were just drunk on
the holiday spirit, and...
Yeah, maybe we should
just end this thing now.
- No. We don...
- No!
- We don't want that.
- Okay. Prove it.
Okay. Um, I'll
text the chain now.
Mm-mm. No.
In public, in front of
everyone tomorrow night.
But we have that
weird debutante thing.
Yeah. And what better
place to come out
than a coming-out party?
Us three on the dance floor,
stealing the spotlight in
front of New York society.
-Hmm?
Let's rip this Band-Aid off.
It's worse than we thought.
Not only is the deb ball
just as bad as we suspected,
- Julien doesn't care!
- Copy that.
We kidnap and
reprogram. I know a guy.
No. We have to go
bigger than that.
Look, you know me.
I'm down to go as
big as you want to,
but... are you sure
this isn't about you not
being Daddy's favorite?
This is about justice!
And exposing a bloated,
dated organization for
the hypocrites they are.
- Uh... Uh...
- And I've got the plan to do it.
Shit! All right, all right.
It's debutante season
for our lovely ladies,
and while we're excited
for all the coming-outs,
we all know it's really
about who comes out on top.
Mr. de Haan!
Your wife is already inside.
Pleasure.
I can't believe Gemma
wore her hair up.
The ears didn't
do her any favors.
- They distract from her face.
What better way to celebrate
burgeoning womanhood than
with those who raised us?
You look beautiful, Zoya.
Well, how about
me? I'm so nervous.
Never would've expected to
be at something like this,
but I'm also feeling weirdly
proud all of a sudden?
Around those we are
just getting to know.
But with every tradition is
an opportunity to disrupt.
So girls,
I'd keep my eyes out tonight.
The stairs are steep,
and any humiliation
is a long way to fall.
What's it like
having a night off?
Off? Babe,
even when I'm not doing
everything for JC,
- I'm doing everything for JC.
She may think this is about
her future or whatever,
but I'm going to make
sure it hits her present.
When she comes down
those stairs, we go live.
- How's your triangle?
- All will be well after tonight.
You know I've never been
one to stay in the closet.
Spoken like someone who
thinks it's only about him?
Uh, no. They promised me
that they want what I want.
And that's the
only way it works.
No one wants what the
next person wants.
That's the way life works.
Have you asked
them what they want
- instead of supposing?
- Yeah. We're all... W...
We're all very honest
with each other. So...
So you know they've been
here this whole time?
Look, I know this may be hard,
but do try to keep a
low profile tonight?
This isn't your polyamory prom.
It's... sexist Civil
War reenactment
masquerading as a
societal rite of passage.
I don't want any drama on
new Julien's new feed, 'kay?
- Hey! You guys look great.
- You look great.
Yeah. We all look great!
I'm gonna go and get us
something we all want.
Yeah, I'm gonna get us
something we all want
from a different place.
What?
Great. The de Haans are here.
- Oh God, here it comes.
- Here what comes?
I did some work for her,
and it didn't go well.
Nick Lott, right?
Outten and Golden?
- You know who I am?
- Yeah.
You went up against
my company last year.
One of our factory
employees from Buffalo.
Oh. Honestly, I didn't put
that together till just now.
Oh, that's because
you didn't win.
Julien and my daughter
are... Are close. And, um...
- Is this... is this your...
- Uh, Kate Keller,
- one of Monet's teachers.
- Oh, pleasure.
- And this is my daughter, Zoya.
- Yep. I know who she is, too.
Your father and I were
just talking about work.
Oh, did he tell you how
he just got promoted?
I was just... I was just
getting to that part.
Promoted?
Yeah. He's making a
lot more money now.
You know, we almost
got evicted...
Mr. de Haan doesn't need to
know the whole story, Zoya.
I'm gonna get a drink.
Excuse me, sorry.
- Oh! So you found a way in.
Catch you later.
♪ Help me escape
This feeling... ♪
- Could I get a gin and tonic, please?
- Great taste.
I promised to get the exact
same for my friend Camille.
On second thought,
vodka martini.
Why was it so important
for you to come to this?
You don't seem the type to
take your work home with you
- on the weekend.
- Maybe I just wanted
to join the ranks of
the pay-for-players.
- Got any openings?
- I can explain.
Mike, this is Nick,
Zoya's father.
He's almost rich
enough to afford you,
or he already is, I don't know.
- Okay...
- Ah, he got you in instead.
- Instead?
- I'm gonna get some air.
♪ You took away The
love that I knew ♪
Everything good?
You and your girlfriend?
I... don't know.
I used to, you know.
Like, if something ever
felt right or wrong,
I'd know what to do.
But I can't tell if it's
better to just play along
- or stand up for my beliefs.
I know what you mean.
The old me probably
would've caused a scene,
but I'm just confused
all the time.
Five minutes till places at
the top of the stairs, ladies.
♪ Your love is My
only desire... ♪
- Break a leg out there.
- Thank you, Andrea.
♪ 'Cause I need your love... ♪
Hey, hey! Stop loitering!
I said be discreet.
- Everything ready?
- Yes.
- And Terrell?
- All good.
- Perfect. Hey!
What do you think you're doing?
Are you allowed to be in here?
Uh... Hmm. Annemarie, was it?
Yeah, my mom is downstairs
waiting for you.
I would hurry if I was you.
Oh, okay. There she is.
Mrs. de Haan! Mrs. de Haan!
- Terrell? Where are you going?
- You know me?
Uh, yeah. I'm...
-I'm Julien Calloway's sister.
Yeah, no. I know who you are.
You are the star of Gossip Girl.
♪ I was there with you... ♪
Right. Um...
Aren't you supposed to
be Monet's cavalier?
Yeah, I was, but shit changed.
I gotta bounce, but I
will catch you later, Z.
♪ The world would be
Wild for the dream ♪
♪ So baby don't turn away... ♪
- Ooh!
- You are so late!
And you are so busted.
You're flirting.
Am not.
But where's the package?
I set it down. Are you ready?
- Let's go. I asked you
to refill this for me
over an hour ago, did I not?
I... haven't had a spare moment.
You expect me to present
the incoming class
with my phone like
a plebeian? Go!
I will do it as soon
as I possibly can.
Hi. Uh, I couldn't help
but notice you and
Camille de Haan.
- Is everything okay?
- I have a job to do,
and she expects me to be
her personal assistant.
People like that expect
everyone to be their assistants.
So now, the girls are
gonna be late to line up
because Mrs. de
Haan seems to think
that it is my responsibility
to go to the Trustees suite
and get her list for the lineup?
W... I know Camille well.
I'm a teacher at her
daughter's school.
I... I could go get it for you,
and you can help the women
finish getting ready.
Thank you. Thank you. Okay.
Down the hall to the left.
♪ One, two, three, go ♪
This incoming admonition
better be a coincidence
and not because you're
standing outside watching me
like some kind of
Squid Game guard.
Why would it be coincidence?
Are you currently
doing something you
shouldn't be doing?
Of course you are, because
that's all you do lately.
I am at the thing.
The debutante thing!
Oh, really? Then why
haven't you posted
- anything from there?
- Because nothing's happened yet.
Or maybe it's because
you're paying attention
to one thing and one thing only!
- Genghis de Haan!
- I haven't even seen her.
This was supposed to
be about the kids.
It was supposed to
create a better future.
But now not only are you letting
Julien Calloway run Gossip Girl,
you yourself are in a
one-way grudge match...
- where the odds
and the optics are
not on your side.
Wait, why is it so quiet?
Where are you right now?
I am in a supply closet so
I could hear you better.
- You never wanna hear me better.
- Fine. I'm in her room.
In her room?
I... I thought if I could get
in, I could maybe find something?
Uh, like what? A
signed affidavit
where she admits culpability
in the opioid crisis?
Get outta there! Get
outta there right now!
Your attention, please.
The presentation
of our debutantes
is about to begin.
Okay, when Julien starts
to walk down the stairs,
that's when we'll do it.
I mean, most eyes will
be open, am I right?
Welcome, everyone.
Sorry for the delay,
ladies and gentlemen.
I seem to have misplaced
my hard copy of the roster.
I would like to welcome you all
- and thank you for joining us.
It is with great pride
that we introduce to you
- Mr. Lott!
- Yes. Is everything okay?
- It's Zoya. She needs you.
- Why? What happened?
She stepped on a piece of glass.
And it's... it's not deep,
but you should
probably go see her.
- Okay. Yeah. Please, yes, yeah.
- I can... I can take you. Yeah,
Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Christine Jean
Allen of Fieldstone,
presented by her father,
Jeremy Dean Allen,
and escorted by Nathan C. West.
Shelby Wright, of Miss Porters,
presented by her
father, Nunnaly,
and escorted by Marcus Dutton.
Julien Calloway,
- of Constance St. Jude's.
- Excuse me, my da...
- My... Nick Lott.
- Calloway will be presented by her father...
- He's not my father.
- Davis...
Davis certainly isn't...
- Calloway.
Eliza!
What are you doing here?
I must have something
wrong. I was told
- that Nick was present...
He's not here, though.
- What are you doing?
- You invited me.
Hey, everyone. Uh,
I am Max Wolfe,
uh, and I want everyone
to know that I am...
Well, well, well.
Monet de Haan, of
Constance St. Jude's,
presented by her
father, Greyson de Haan,
- and escorted by...
- Alexa Kennedy.
- Monet, what are you doing?
- Death to the old!
In with the new.
A man will not be escorting me,
nor will I be wearing white.
My cavalier is a woman.
But this is...
this is my moment.
Isn't it nice to
share your privilege?
- I should have known.
Monet! What the fuck?
Did you invite my dad?
- Why would you do that?
- You ruined it.
- Like you ruined everything.
Hey, hey, hey! Julien
didn't do any of this.
- I invited Eliza.
- Really?
- Hey! Stay away from my sister!
You don't get to tell me
to do anything anymore.
Back off, bitch!
That's my girl.
- What are you doing?
- Zoya!
You just ripped my
dress! You're on... No!
- Bitch!
Stop it! You're
ruining my big night!
Get away from me! You're
stepping on my Loubs!
Stop it!
- Oh my God...
Nope.
Uh, I was sent in here
to get Camille's roster,
and I got locked in.
You don't owe me
any explanation.
But if I were
looking for a roster,
I certainly would never
think to check the closet.
- But, hey, maybe...
- How dare you?
- Mom!
- When Zoya reached out...
- She didn't.
Please don't be angry at her.
That's not her email address.
You didn't even think to check?
I only came here
because I thought
you wanted me here.
Why would I want you
anywhere near me?
I'm your father.
Unfortunately...
you always will be.
Up until recently...
I've lived my life on a path
that you and I made together.
If you care about me...
let me go.
I cannot believe you
destroyed this event.
Not just for yourself,
but for the other young
women and their parents.
I just wanted to turn
this place on its head.
I wanted to come out how
I wanted to come out,
and all I had in mind when I did
was you telling me that...
we don't let them
tell us how to act.
We listen to
ourselves. I thought...
I thought you would be proud.
So that led you to
invite a sexual predator
and humiliate your best friend?
I don't have an ounce...
of pride for you.
I never thought I would
be the kind of parent
who would have to lie
about their child.
Every time I talk to
your headmistress,
she tells me how you
care more about...
how you look than
who... you are.
I have to bribe her,
spend hundreds of
thousands of dollars,
so that you look like you shine
as bright on the
inside as you do out.
Conduct reports can be
erased, C's can turn into A's,
but it's just paper.
How do you not feel that shame?
I feel it every
second I look at you.
I am embarrassed to know you.
You get out of that
ridiculous dress...
and you find me and
your father downstairs.
Fucking bitch.
Max! Max, don't go.
- I feel so stupid. So played.
- Dude, we didn't mean...
- That's not what we...
- But you brought me in.
Okay? You convinced me that
this was worth something,
and now that I'm here, of
course, it's just a lie.
I mean,
this isn't a relationship.
We're not equal.
I'm just... I'm just
your aphrodisiac.
- Dude, you know
that's not it. Do I?
Prove it. Right
here, right now.
End these thoughts, or us.
Are we gonna talk about
what you were doing in
Camille de Haan's room?
Are we gonna talk about
what you were doing in
Camille de Haan's room?
Hey, hey, hey! Really?
Hey, stay away...
I didn't... I
didn't send this in.
I know you didn't. You
always have my back.
Maybe not always.
I invited Shelby's girlfriend.
I was gonna use her
to cause a scene.
Same scene, incidentally,
that Monet planned.
But minus... minus Davis.
Hey, at least you stand
up for your beliefs.
- You know what they are.
- I know one thing.
I'm jealous.
Ever since you came
to live with us,
it's like I don't
even exist anymore.
My own dad likes
you more than me.
He doesn't. He's...
He's just trying to show
me some kindness. And...
I know I take up a lot of space,
but I'm the one who's jealous.
- Of me?
- You know who you are, Z.
What you want.
I've always been defined
by everyone else.
I wanted to start the new
year with a new me, but...
I don't even understand who
I was to change from it.
Maybe that's okay.
Maybe we all need to get
a little more used to...
living in the unknown.
And if I've changed the dynamic
between you and your dad...
Maybe... this is
just being sisters.
Which is an unknown
for both of us.
Whatever's going on
between you and Nick,
I know you guys are
gonna figure it out.
You always do.
And... the unknown can't
last forever, right?
So, tonight was a bust
for both of us, it seems?
Speak for yourself.
I'm going home with
a couple cavaliers.
♪ Last dreams... ♪
Well, you were right.
They don't want me.
That's not what I said.
Of course they want you.
♪ All we're ever made of... ♪
Only in the dark, maybe.
That's where they are right
now. Because it's safe there.
- Out here... it's scary.
- What? Who's scared?
I mean, look at us.
We're the fucking tops.
- Everyone wants to be us.
- They're different than us.
They've had the
privilege of lounging
in society's comfort
zone their whole lives.
The possibility of
anyone not accepting them
is unknown territory...
and terrifying.
Or don't you remember?
♪ Without you baby... ♪
Miss La, it occurs to me that
you may secretly be
the wisest among us.
Oh, that's no secret, honey.
Here's the thing
about the unknown.
At some point, you will
come out the other side.
But that doesn't mean you'll
like what you find there.
Crisis averted with
an even better crisis.
An unintentional
level up. Ooh.
The second semester is gonna
be even bigger and crazier.
And Monet de Haan ate down in
that blue dress, am I right?
- Shannon Barnes.
Please tell your grandmother
I send my regards.
I presume I'll see you both
in the Seychelles over break.
Damn straight, Shelley.
- Do you, uh, know each other?
- Tiny confession. My family?
Sorta, kinda super, crazy rich.
I mean, it's the least
interesting thing about me,
so I tend to leave it
off the list. Come on.
Which is why it often
feels better to lie
than to tell the truth.
Keep the known unknown.
Us in the dark,
you in the light.
We talked. We'll do it tomorrow.
W... We narrowed it down to
three potential locations.
♪ Don't leave me dancing... ♪
Here's what I'm thinking.
♪ In the pale blue light ♪
I've been pushing too hard.
You know, I thought
that if the world knew,
then I would stop doubting
if it were real or not.
But I didn't think that by
the world knowing it was real
that it would affect you guys.
You're not ready,
and that's okay.
You know, just because I am
doesn't mean that
you have to be.
We just wanted to, uh,
respect your feelings.
I respect yours, too.
However long it
takes... I can wait.
Until the light
slowly starts to burn.
After a while, you
have to choose.
Confess, or go down in flames.
♪ In the palm of your hand ♪
♪ Don't let me
Don't let me go ♪
♪ Can we get back to the
times We never had... ♪
I exist again.
♪ Something is
Pulling us close ♪
♪ Can we get back ♪
♪ Just let the
night Take control ♪
♪ Can we get back To
the times that we had ♪
♪ Don't let me go... ♪
When you're ready to talk,
I'll be here waiting.
You can tell me anything.
Just let me hold this magnifying
glass a little bit closer.
You have a guest.
Don't take too long.
You have more chores.
Yes, Mother.
What do you want?
Um, a reason for what
happened last night.
What the fuck was that?
Is this about me backing
off the influencer thing?
- Because if...
- You think I'm mad about that?
I'm elated, Julien. You
know, you're not the only one
who's been reevaluating
their future.
I have been wasting my
talents keeping you at the top
when you never truly deserved
it in the first place.
It's time to lift up a
queen who actually wants it.
- Me.
- Take it, it's yours.
I'm really not gonna
fight you for that.
Yes, you are. I'm
going to make you.
Here's the thing
about war, Julien.
It only takes one
side to start it.
The other side only
has to respond.
So get ready.
Because I'm not stopping
at taking your place.
I'm taking you down to
the studs, bit by bit.
There will be no
abdication. Only execution.
I can't wait to see you try.
I think I see some smoke.
That which burns the
brightest, burns the fastest.
Great knowing you.
XOXO, Gossip Girl.