Good Times (1974–1979): Season 6, Episode 5 - Florida Gets a Job - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪



♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Come on, baby. Let's dance.

It'll do your leg
good, and it'll be fun.

And it won't work. Exercise
isn't supposed to be fun.

That's why they
call it "exercise."

As we all know, nothing that
begins with E-X is ever fun...

Exercise, execution, ex-wife.

Well, uh, expect to
sleep on the couch...

if you don't dance
with me, ex-husband.

Whoo! Get on up on the get down!

Gimme some soul!

♪ Good golly, Miss Molly ♪

Uh, with the record
now, Keith, okay?



All right, baby.

Ready? I'm ready.

♪♪ [Disco]

Oh, yeah.

Ooh, stop.

You know I can't do that.

♪♪ [Slows, Stops]

[Groans]

That darned old
record player again.

Now, this is what
I call exercise.

- Thelma?
- Oh, we're just exercising.

Well, it don't look like
you need Gatorade.

Did Willona drop by
with the want ads?

No, she said she was gonna pick up the
paper on her way home from the boutique.

Mm-hmm. Hey, Mom, what
kind of job are you looking for?

Well, I'd like something
challenging, yet secure;

demanding, yet rewarding;

dynamic, yet fulfilling.

Sounds like a four-year
hitch in the Marine Corps.

[No Audible Dialogue]

Pounding the pavement,
pounding the pavement.

Couldn't find a job, huh, J.J.?

Thelma, it's like asking for
room service in Johannesburg.

Tell you, boy, the way I
feel today... as tired as I am...

A team of wild Las Vegas showgirls
couldn't drive me out of this seat.

I'll go start dinner, okay?

On second thought,

there may be some night
work that I could look for.

Well, I'll change
my clothes first.

That's right, Thelma, 'cause those
panty hose look better in the egg.

J.J., your body
could fit into that egg.

You're becoming a real Evans.

All right.

Hey, Mom, about
this job situation.

Uh, don't you think you
should forget about it...

and take it easy for a while?

Oh, now, J.J., you know me.

When it comes to doin'
nothin', I say, "Nothin' doin'."

Flo. Hi, y'all.

Ooh!

Girl, have I got news for you.

Wait till you hear.

Penny was just named the official
student director of the new school play...

called The Boy Who Cried Wolf.

[Laughs] Isn't that great?

Fantastic? Wonderful? Marvelous?

[Together] Yeah.

Y'all don't seem
too excited about it.

Of course we're
excited, Willona.

It's just that I thought you had
some news about a job, that's all.

Oh, Flo, honey, there was no openings
at my place, but I did bring you the paper.

Oh, well, then let's
see what they got here.

They may have something
in the want ads we can use.

Yeah! Now let's see here.

Uh-huh.

Look at this. Sounds
like somethin'.

"Microprocessor...

"and analytical analog...

digital circuit designer."

Do you think that job's
better for me or you, Mom?

Neither.

You can't say it, and I
don't know what it means.

Oh, wait a minute.
Look at this one, J.J.

"Wanted: Substitute
city school bus driver.

"Excellent pay, fringe benefits.

"Apply in person,
Mr. C.J. Collingswood,

Roadway Bus
Company, Incorporated."

Flo, that sounds like
a great job for you.

Me, a bus driver? That's right.

Honey, women do all
kinds of jobs these days...

Telephone repairs,
heavy-duty machinists,

barge captains, dock workers.

Yeah, I got a girl who's
a toll-bridge operator...

named Two-Ton Tanya.

It's kind of
embarrassing though.

Every time I kiss her, I
gotta chuck in a quarter.

J.J. Just jivin', Ma.

It's only a dime.

Hmm! School bus driver.

You know, I always did
want to work with kids.

Flo, you couldn't
ask for a better deal...

if Monty Hall owned the company.

Okay. I'll do it. Right on!

I'll go in there tomorrow
morning. All right.

Hey, Penny.

How's the life of the
big-time director person?

- Rough.
- Come here, baby.

Those little tots are giving
you a hard time, huh?

Well, not all of them,
just a certain one.

Why? But I think I lost him.

Hey, look here, Mama.

Let me tell you something.

We're gonna settle this
thing right here and now.

Lord, it's Gary James...

Chicago's answer
to the neutron bomb.

At your service.

Hello, totem pole.

Gary, I'd like you to
meet Mrs. Florida Evans.

Hey, Flo!

Pleased to meet you.

That's "Mrs. Evans"
to you, young man.

Mrs. Evans? Oh, come on, lady.

Where are we, at a
Tupperware party?

I don't believe in all that
mister-and-missus jive.

Gary, look at these hands.

Hey, Mama, if you want a palm
reader, you got the wrong dude.

Well, you have your choice.

Either I go upside your
head with these two palms,

or I cut you a nice
piece of sweet-potato pie.

I ain't no dummy. I'll
settle for the pie, Flo.

Mrs. Evans.

I'll get it.

Well, what seems
to be your problem?

They made me try
out for Penny's old play,

and she cast me as a sheep.

But, Gary, you're too
short to be the shepherd.

You can't even see
over the water bucket.

If I don't get a better part,

I'm going to empty the water
bucket over someone's head.

Willona, hold the pie.

Just jivin', just jivin'.

Now, what's wrong
with being a sheep?

Aw, sheep don't have no lines,

and I ain't about
to get up there...

and spend 15
minutes eating grass.

And furthermore, I
don't like the costume.

They make you stick a bunch
of cotton balls in your hair.

Shoot! It took us 300
years to get out of cotton.

Now here they go,
putting us right back in it.

But, Gary, I need you.

No way. Mary may have a little
lamb, but you ain't got a sheep.

All right. Hold it.

Come here, Penny.

Look. If Gary can't act well
enough to handle the part,

then maybe you should
find somebody else.

Mrs. Evans, I'm hip to
that reverse psychology.

When I went to
my first psychiatrist,

I was so young he had to
put rubber sheets on his couch.

I like you. You want me
to do the part? Just say so.

Then do it.

You got it. I'm a sheep.
Come to the show.

I'll be so real, they'll have to shave
me to get me out of that costume.

I'll be there. [Chuckles]

Now can we go rehearse?

Okay. Hey, Gary.

A couple of quick "pointners"
on how to play a sheep.

[Imitating Sheep] Baa, baa, baa.

Hey, Whiffenpoof.

You've really lost your way.

I still ain't eating no grass.

Whoo! Flo, I haven't seen
anybody handle Gary that way...

I mean, without a whip
and a chair. [Laughs]

[Knocking] Yeah, I'll
handle him right now.

Look here... Oh.

Greetings.

Ah, Florida, my most
faithful and loyal voter.

Oh, Lord. Look
what the wind blew in.

Yeah. More wind.

Well, well, well, well.

"Balderman" Davis.

What brings you here?

I am dedicated to my
civic duties, "Fillonia."

And anyway, it
does my heart good...

to drop in every once in
a while and visit with my...

[Together] Favorite
project family.

Yes, well, I like to
stay abreast of things,

and as my younger
constituents say,

"What's shakin'?"

Mostly your jowls, curly.

Well, as your older
constituents would say,

what's shakin' is,
I'm looking for a job...

and the shakin' is mighty shaky.

- Any prospects?
- Well, I'm gonna apply...

for a substitute job
driving a school bus.

Oh! You will give Mr. Collingswood
my regards, won't you?

Hey, chrome dome.

Do you know him?

Of course, "Petronia."

Well, then you could give Flo
a good recommendation, huh?

Well, yes.

Unfortunately,

this upcoming election
has me worried.

You see, my opponent
has plastered this district...

will full-colored
posters of himself...

to gain popularity.

A brazen tactic. A
monstrous, cheap trick.

And you wish you
had thought of it first.

And I wish I had
thought of it...

Well, what it boils down
to is a counterattack,

because I stand a good
chance of being unseated...

unless I can locate some
fine, young, talented artist...

with enough civic
pride to share his gift...

with the uninformed masses.

And what, pray tell, would
this young, talented artist...

And you forgot to mention
"incredibly handsome"...

Receive as reward for his gift?

A word, perhaps,
to Mr. Collingswood.

Hmm. Suddenly I'm inspired.

Maybe even a strong
letter of recommendation.

Hair! Suddenly I see hair.

Not to mention free paint.

I'll do it!

Wait a minute, J.J.

Driving kids to school
is a big responsibility.

I don't want that job unless
I'm sure I could handle it.

Well, of course, you
would be required...

to pass a stringent
series of tests,

but if you can prove
yourself worthy,

on my word and honor,
Florida, you've got the job.

For after all, this is my...

[Together] Favorite
project family.

Hi, everybody.

Hey, there, Mr. Miguel.

You're here just in time for
a great political work of art.

Yeah? It's gonna be the greatest
unveiling since Mt. Rushmore,

when they found the wino
sleeping in Lincoln's nose.

Well, Michael, you ready?
Yeah, Brother. Get on with it.

Voilà!

It looks pretty good, J.J.

Who is it?

Alderman Davis.

Oh! I see. Yeah. See?

I used Muhammad
Ali's cheekbones, Yeah?

Billy D. Williams's jaw,

O.J. Simpson's nose...

and Smokey Robinson's hairline.

J.J., what did you
use of Davis's?

His paint.

Will you two try
and hold it down?

I'm trying to study for this
driver's test this afternoon.

Hey, wait a minute,
Ma. Don't worry about it.

You did real good on the interview,
and you passed the written test.

Yeah, but now that I'm
getting close to getting the job,

I-I'm just getting nervous.

Oh, I know I'm gonna
miss something.

Oh, no, you won't, Ma. Let me
give you a little quiz right quick.

How about this?

Rule 15, section "C."

Oh, that's easy.

Let me see now.

Always come to a complete
child before letting off a stop.

You see there? I told
you I was nervous.

It's just like having
my first baby.

Don't worry, Ma.
You'll get over it.

Yeah. You got over J.J.,
you can get over anything.

[Chuckles]

Oh, yeah, Michael?

When you were born, you were
so ugly the doctor slapped himself.

Hey, Flo. How ya doing?

Girl, did you win your
driver's stripes yet?

Not yet, but I'm going
for my test in a few hours.

Good. Now you need to
practice under battle conditions.

- "Battle conditions"?
- Yeah. Kids and everything.

[Laughs] Keith? Thelma?

How did you know they
were in the bedroom?

How do I know Smokey is a bear?

- [Keith] Hey, Willona.
- Smokey is a bear.

Okay, we're gonna help Flo
practice for her driver's test. All right.

Can you act like a
little kid, Thelma?

Well, I could try. Okay.
Keith, how about you?

[Squeaky Voice] Do
we have to eat spinach?

[Squeaky Voice]
Only if it turns you on.

Willona, this is silly.
Oh, no, it's not, Flo.

You already know the ground rules. All you
need now is a little practical experience.

Come on, J.J., Gramps. We're in a
school bus, right? We're in the bus.

Move like you're in the
bus and everything like that.

Okay, Flo, now grab the wheel.

Okay? On our way
to school. Hit it! Okay.

Hey! It was all
J.J.'s fault anyway.

Oh, no, it wasn't, you old cucumber
head. You old asparagus face.

Hey, man, you can't talk to
her like that. You wanna fight?

Knock this stick
off my shoulder.

I thought the stick was your
shoulder. What's going on here?

I don't wanna hear that.
[Whispering, Inaudible]

It's 20 minutes to the next
gas stop. But I can't wait.

Sissy! Yo mama!

Oh, yeah?

[All Arguing] All right, children.
Stop fighting this instant!

Who's gonna make us? Yeah!

No one should have to make you.

To begin with, you
should know better.

Your parents are making great
sacrifices to send you to school,

and you ought to show
them enough respect...

to act like a decent
human being.

All right! Whoo!

Oh, girl! How did I do?

Fantastic.

Well, I just said
what came to mind.

- That was great, Ma,
except for one thing.
- What's that?

You forgot to, uh, stop the bus!

[Squeaky Voice] Thelma!

The bus just left us off
in front of our playground.

[Knocking]

[Squeaky Voice] I'll get
the door for you, Florida.

Oh, stop it. I mean,
Miss Evans. [Laughs]

Oh. Look who's here.

Why, Fred Davis. You
came to wish me luck?

Well, not exactly, Florida.

You see, I, uh... Hey!

Oh.

Well. A good likeness.
It does me justice.

And mercy.

Allow me to introduce my
niece, Miss Sandra Forbes.

Sandra, this is
Miss Florida Evans.

How do you do?

- Won't you sit down?
- Thank you.

Nice apartment, huh, Sandra?

Amazingly well
kept for the projects.

Why, thank you. Incidentally,
we've housebroken all our roaches.

Michael.

This is my friend, Willona.

- How do you do?
- [Snooty Voice] Fine, thank you.

My son, Michael,
and my oldest boy, J.J.

How do you do?

Emulsified.

Fred, are you going to tell
these people why we're here?

[Coughing, Mouthing Words]

Hon... Honey, honey, hold it.
Are you trying to talk, Negro?

Or are you having
an indigestion attack?

Either way, it comes out gas.

I'd like to apologize for
my children's rudeness.

Oh, in this neighborhood,
it's to be expected.

Well, I hate to
disappoint you, dear,

but around here...

you don't always
get what you expect.

Mrs. Evans, it
seems that you and I...

are the two finalists for
this bus driving job. Yes.

And if Uncle Fred ever
regains the use of his tongue,

he'll tell you that
there's really no point...

in your taking the
test this afternoon.

- What?
- Well, in the first place,

I'm much more
qualified than you are.

I majored in child psychology.

I'm summa cum laude.

That's no big deal.
Ma's Southern Baptist.

And I majored in three children.

Yeah, and she
only flunked in one.

In the second place, if
push comes to shove,

Uncle Fred will have a private
little talk with Mr. Collingswood.

- Isn't that right, Fred?
- [Hoarse Voice] Right. Private.

That's not fair!
That's cheating, Fred.

Wait a minute. Would you do
something that underhanded, skinhead?

Skinhead certainly would.

Well, uh, in that case,

I gotta put some finishing
touches on this portrait.

Oh, wait, J.J. I like
it just the way it is.

Stand over there
in the light, Fred,

so I can capture
all six of your chins.

J.J., please.

Seems to be a little
mistake with the hairline.

But no problem.
Easy correct. Erase it.

Won't somebody stop him?

You can, Alderman Davis, but first you
have to stop acting like a politician...

and behave like a human being.

Florida, you must understand.
There'll be other jobs.

I think we can leave now, Fred.

Hey, hey, hey.

Has anyone seen Penny?

Well! Who have we here?

Aren't you a sweet,
little pumpkin face?

Hey, Mama, you asking for it.

Uh, Gary, maybe
you should... No, Flo.

Let sweet, little Gary
say hello to the nice lady.

Gary, my name is Miss Forbes,

and I just may be your
brand-new bus driver.

Well, bus driver you may
be, but brand-new you ain't.

Funny little fellow. Yes.

Oh, boy! Fresh blood.

Uh... Pay attention, totem pole.

You might learn something.

Gary... Don't worry,
Mama. There's nothing to it.

- We won't even make you
pick up the ants.
- Ants?

Yeah. My friend Chester Hill
got mad at our last bus driver,

and threw his ant farm at him.

Now, Gary... It's okay
now. They're almost gone.

Oh! It was my idea
to bring in the spiders.

- Spiders?
- They love ants.

- [Groaning]
- Mama, what is your problem?

This is like talking to a yo-yo.

- Now, you...
- I told you not to worry.

They're just baby
spiders anyway...

Like the one on
your arm. My arm?

Or is it your leg? Hold
on! It's in your hair.

[Screams] I'll get him.

Get it out! Oh!

You... You little monster.

Forty dollars ruined.

I've never been so
embarrassed in my life.

If I have to put up
with brats like that,

I'm applying to something
safer... like bullfighting!

Olé!

Sandra! Sandra.

Does this mean she's not
going to be our bus driver?

Well, Gary, it kind
of looks that way.

Good. That chick had the worst
case of split ends I've ever seen.

Now, Gary,

what you did was not very
nice, and I don't approve.

However, you did make
the lady understand...

that she isn't
suited for this job.

- Now, look, Mama...
- What did you say?

Mrs. Evans. Better.

Can we cut the hearts and flowers
and get to that sweet-potato pie?

I gotta get the taste of
grass out of my mouth. Baa!

Okay. I think there's
enough for everybody.

[No Audible Dialogue]

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪ Good Times was
videotaped before a studio audience.