Good Times (1974–1979): Season 6, Episode 20 - The Physical - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪



♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

♪ You must've been
a beautiful baby ♪

Michael, not so loud. Keith is
sleeping. He's working late tonight.

♪♪ [Humming]

Michael? Mike. Yeah?

What you doin'? Thelma, I
got a heavy date tonight, baby.

And I'm toning up
my pucker power.

Well, I gotta go start dinner.

Dinner? Did I hear
somebody say "dinner"? You

know, I thought I
smelled gravy in the air.

Bookman, do my eyes deceive me?
You're not gonna paint the apartment?

You're right. I ain't gonna paint
the apartment. [Clicks Tongue]

You know, springtime around these projects
means only one thing... new graffiti.



I gotta clean it up. You
should see the things

that they've drawn.
They're really horrible.

Yeah, Bookman,
especially the one of you.

The one on the third floor that
says, "Continued on the fourth floor."

Yeah, I already
covered that one up.

Boy, you know, all this graffiti makes
me hungry. Get your hands outta there.

Bookman, eating
makes you hungry.

I don't have to stand around
here and take these insults.

I know you don't. You
hear 'em wherever you go.

♪♪ [Humming]

Hello, everybody!

Bookman and Michael,
I could hear y'all...

all the way down
the hall. Told you.

You know, it's too
nice a day to argue.

It's absolutely beautiful outside.
Thelma, get me some water.

Okay, Ma. Mama, you
sound in a good mood today.

Oh, and why shouldn't I be?
You're up for a nice scholarship.

J.J.'s in Gary and standing a
good chance of getting a job.

And my two lovebirds
still cooing. Maybe...

Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma. Not in front
of ol' bigmouthed Bookman.

Hey, ignore me. Just
pretend I'm the Invisible Man.

Bookman, when a two-ton truck parks
in your living room, you can't ignore it.

That's it. I'm leaving. I
don't have to take that stuff.

Cleaning up walls and
everything. Hi, ladies.

Hi, Bookman. Hi.

Aw, Penny and Kim. How
nice to see you. Come on in.

Go on, Kim. Say it.

You go first. I'm liable
to get "tongue-tiedness."

Recite it. It was your idea.

But what if I forget?

What if I have stage
"frighten-ness"?

Roses... Oh, yeah.

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

We think you're nice,
and your smile is too.

Aww. [Chuckles]

You never scold us for
the bad things we do.

So here is a
plant just... just...

For you. Right.

For me? No, for Mrs. Evans.

Our... Our
"favoritest" bus driver.

Oh, how lovely.

Thank you.

Ooh, and I got a
very special place...

for a very special plant.

All the kids chipped in
for it, Aunt Florida. Ahh.

Timmy Jones didn't.

You know, he took his
dime back at the last minute.

Well, I'm sure Timmy
had a good reason.

He stole it from Janice,

and she kept on punching
him until he gave it back to her.

Well, I'm sure that
was a very good reason.

Well, anyway, this is one of
the nicest presents I ever had.

And now,

how would you girls like to have some
milk and some cookies before you go home?

Ma has to work late. Could we
stay with you until she gets home?

Mm-hmm. Kim's staying all night,
and we're having a pajama party.

Ah. Only I forgot my pajamas.

Why, of course
you can. [Knocking]

Go on in the kitchen.

[Crying]

Spring is so beautiful,

and the graveyard's in bloom.

Come in, Wanda. Come in.

It's nothing to cry about.

You would, if you had
thought of all the poor souls...

that have managed to drag
themselves through the cold, long winter...

and just pooped out
two days before spring.

Oh, what a gorgeous plant!

Emma Jones has
one just like it...

on her tombstone.

For heaven's sake,
Wanda. Will you stop it?

I was just trying to cheer you
up. Oh, here's a letter for you.

It was sent to me by mistake.

Uh, won't you have
a seat, Wanda?

[Sighs]

Bad news?

Something wrong, Ma?
It's from the bus company.

They say I've got
to have a physical.

Hey, Ma, I'm sure it's just routine.
All the employees have to take one.

Didn't you just say
you were feeling great?

That was before I
heard about the physical.

Now, you know how nervous
those things make me.

Yeah, honey. [Sobbing]

Them doctors
probing and tapping.

Lester Tate took a physical
last year and died. [Sobbing]

And he lost his job too.

- Ma, don't worry. You'll pass.
- Oh, I guess you're right.

I'm in good health.

A little tired, but I'll make sure I
get a lot of rest before that physical.

When's it scheduled for?

Oh, it says 8:00
tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow morning?

- Wanda...
- I-I meant to have brought
the letter before,

but it just slipped my mind.

I've been so busy.
All those funerals.

I did eight this week.
[Chuckles] And that's really living.

Wanda, stop it! Graveyards
are so beautiful in the spring.

Wanda! I just can't
stand it. [Sobbing]

Oh, Thelma, I am too nervous to just
sit here doing nothing. Can't I help you?

Ma, all I want you to do is just rest for
that physical. And don't worry so much.

All right.

Ooh, how nice you look,
Michael. Thanks, Mom.

- What's the occasion? You got a date?
- Somebody we know?

Well, Mom, everybody who
rides the elevator knows her.

She gets the best write-ups.

I'm just jivin'. You know Betty who lives
down the hall? We're going out tonight.

Betty? How'd you
get a date with her?

Isn't that the girl that all the
little fellas are running after?

Mama, I got what
they call "charisma."

You see this here mustache?

To all the little project
kittens, it's just like catnip.

Boy. [Chuckles]

I'm gonna kiss the prettiest
girl in all the projects.

Aw. [Gasps]

Now it's your turn, babe.
Uh-uh, too late. You blew that.

Yeah!

I just can't help worrying
about that physical.

Why does it have to be tomorrow?

Ma, don't worry. Think
positive. You will pass.

Yeah, there's no need to worry.
I'll show you how easy it will be.

[Jamaican Accent] ♪ I am Dr. Calypso
and there's no need to guess ♪

♪ You'll be out of my office
in two minutes or less ♪

♪ The blood pressure's perfect,
man and so is the spleen ♪

♪ The lymphatics are gorgeous
and the eyesight is keen ♪

♪ You passed, Mrs. Evans
so just open your purse ♪

♪ On the way out the door
please pay the nurse ♪♪

[Laughing] Go on, boy.

It's gonna be easy, Mom.

Oh, I wish it was
that easy, Keith.

[Chuckles]

[Sneezes]

Gesund... Uh... Uh... Gesund...

Bless you. Gesundheit.

All right, everybody.
Dinner's ready.

All right. Good.

I'm hungry enough to eat three dinners.
Then maybe I can get some sleep.

Ma, don't you remember the
letter? It said you can't eat after 6:00.

- It upsets the blood tests.
- It's only a little after 7:00.

My system won't know
if I cheat just a little.

You better not, Mom.

Please don't eat, Mrs. Evans.
You may get "failingness-ness."

All right. Maybe I shouldn't.

So I'll take a nice, hot bath.
Maybe that'll help me get to sleep.

[Sneezes]

- Ma, you all right?
- I'm fine.

Well, y'all, I gotta
go. I'll see y'all later.

Mama, get some rest,
all right? I will, baby.

Um, Michael, you're not
gonna stay and eat dinner?

Thelma, can you do me a favor
and leave my stuff in the oven?

I've got some more important
things to tend to right now.

Come on, lips.
Do your stuff! Ow!

[Sneezes]

Ma, you sure you're all right?

A loud sneeze is a healthy sign.

It's your body's way of telling you
that you're... running out of Kleenex.

Giant footsteps
are on the stairs.

Clump, clump, clump!

And they're coming closer.

[High-pitched Voice] "I'm
coming to get you," says this voice.

"I'm coming to get you."

Then the door opens.
[Imitating Door Squeak]

Now the footsteps
are in the room.

"I'm coming to get you.
I'm coming to get you."

I got you! [Girls Shriek]

Not so loud.

- What happened?
- I was scarified!

Ma, we're sorry we woke you up.

That's all right. I
couldn't sleep anyway.

I was counting sheep,
but they all went home.

I don't know what's the matter
with me. I-I just can't get to sleep.

Where's Michael?

He'll be home soon. You just
get some rest and go back to bed.

All right.

Hey, Thelma, send me
in a fresh flock of sheep.

[Sighs]

Girl, I'm sorry I'm late.

But spring inventory
at the boutique is like

an all-night poker
game. It never quits.

You know what? Instead of me being
able to add up all their merchandise,

I spent half the time keeping
Mr. Henry's hands off my merchandise.

[Chuckles] I tell
you. He's got more

reasons to get you
alone in the stockroom...

than Harry Belafonte got day-os.

Hey, how you doing, honey?

- [Sneezes]
- Are you okay?

[Sighs] I will be if I
could get some rest.

I got to take a physical
exam in the morning.

Well, you sound like
you got the flu, Flo.

Get it, Flo? Flu-Flo.

Oh, you ain't got no
sense of humor. Watch this.

Kids. Flu-Flo.

Conspiracy is going on.
Come on. Let's go home.

[Sneezes] Flo, you'd
better get some rest.

Oh, I could try to if
Michael was home.

Honey, Michael is home. What?

Come here. Take a little peek.

He kinda busy though, you know?

Flo, you don't look so good. I'll put
the kids to bed. I'll be right back. Okay.

Children, close your
eyes. [Girls Giggling]

Move! [Clears Throat]

Kids, stop looking.

Turn your heads!

Oh, Thelma, I am
really worried...

Not being able to
sleep, all this sneezing,

my pulse is racing.

I'm a nervous wreck.

Oh, those doctors ain't gonna let
nobody in my shape drive no school bus.

Ma, you're building all this up in
your mind. You're gonna be all right.

No, I won't.

I finally found something
that I love and want to do...

Something that makes
my life worthwhile.

Now I'm gonna lose it.

Oh, no, Ma. You're
not gonna lose it. Baby.

How you feel, Flo?

I would say "rotten,"
but I feel worse than that.

[Chuckles] You hungry.
That's what it is. [Knocking]

[Chuckles] You got that right.

[Sneezes]

Gesundheit!

All right, Mr. Billy Dee
Williams. That's enough of that.

Now come on in. Yeah.
Uh, Ma, you know Betty.

Mm-hmm. Well... [Deep
Voice] baby, I'll talk to you later.

[Chuckles] Hi, y'all.
Yeah. Just... coolin' out.

I know. Enjoying the
evening with the young lady.

Nothin' happened.

Hey, Mrs. Evans, my wife sent
up her very special chicken soup...

just in case you're
catching a cold.

Oh, that was so nice
of Mrs. Bookman.

But tonight, I'm not allowed
to eat or drink anything. Oh.

Uh, hey, fella, can I
ask you something?

Does this bottomless
pit ever fill up?

[Sneezes] Catching
a cold too, huh?

No, I feel perfectly
fine. I... [Sneezes]

Hmm. There's something
wrong with this room.

Nothing but you, Buffalo Butt.

There it is. That's it!

This African pepper plant. A lot of people
are allergic to 'em. I had one a year ago.

Sneezed for three weeks. I
didn't know why. It's that plant.

No! Yes!

[Both Sneeze]

That plant means a lot to me. My
kids gave it to me. Are you sure?

Mrs. Evans, if you want
to pass that physical

tomorrow, you
gotta get rid of it now.

Well, if you say so.

You get rid of the plant, Bookman,
and I'll try and get some rest, okay?

[Sneezes]

Hey, hey, hey, fat
boy. Where you going?

Hey... Flo asked you to take
that plant and put it outside.

I'm not touching it. What?

Hey, Michael. You wanna get that
plant out of here? Put it in the garbage.

[Sneezes] On second
thought, get it out of the building!

- Dump it in some empty lot.
- All right.

Get the harpoon.
There she blows!

[Sneezes]

You see anything out there yet?

Girl, it's so deserted out here, even
the muggers are mugging each other.

Why did you have to send
Michael with that plant?

It's after 3:00 in the morning.

Ma! Ma. You can't
eat that banana.

You can't eat! You're
takin' a physical tomorrow!

Well, where is he? [Phone Rings]

Oh! Maybe that's him.

Hello!

Yes, this is Mrs. Evans.

You what? I'll be right there.

- What's wrong?
- Michael's in jail!

Officer, I'm afraid there's
been some mistake.

You're holding my boy here,
and he hasn't done anything.

They never do. Take a
seat. I'll be right with you.

But I... Come on, Mom.

There's no need
in makin' it worse.

You know, I think it's a shame the way
they treat good citizens like you and me.

Yeah. I'm sure you didn't
do anything worse than me,

and you have to sit and
wait here too. That's right.

Hmm. What are you in here for?

Streetwalking.

Streetwalking?

Yeah. I was walking down the street
when I saw my man with another chick.

So I let him have it... right over the head
with a frozen ham hock I was carrying.

Oh, my goodness.
That dirty double-crosser.

He was with one
of those "2W" girls.

Too wiggly and too willin'.

If you two dames don't shut up, I'll
never get all this paperwork done.

Is "ham hock" with a "K"?

Next time use a leg of
lamb. All right, Bessie?

Yeah, sure, Sarge.

You know somethin', sweetie?
Men'll do it to you every time.

I had my entire life savings
hidden in a pair of panty hose.

I woke up one morning,
and the 20 bucks was gone!

You know, Charlie was gone and
so was my best pair of panty hose.

You know somethin'?
He even took the egg.

Officer,

would you be kind enough to tell
me what you're holding my boy for?

Are you related to the prisoner?

I told you that when I came in.

I'm his mother, Mrs. Evans!

Oh, then that kid's
your son. Yeah.

Yeah, we caught
him in a vacant lot.

He gave us some crazy story
about dumping a potted plant.

He even had the plant as an alibi. And
he fits the exact description of the guy...

who's been attacking all these
women in the neighborhood.

My brother's never
attacked a woman.

"When apprehended, the
suspect had lipstick all over him."

This family sure is weird.

He was telling the
truth. He was out on a

date, and he took the
plant to an empty lot.

Wait, let me guess. He had a sudden
urge to beautify the ghetto, right?

Officer, my son was
getting rid of the plant for me,

because it was keeping
me from sleeping.

Now, I'm allergic to it.

Sure you are, Mrs. Evans.

And teensy-weensy,
itsy-bitsy pussy willows

turn you into the
Wicked Witch of the West.

And guess who's gonna be
the first one she turns into a frog?

Uh, Sergeant, would you
please release my brother?

Are you related to the prisoner?

I just said he was my brother.

Oh, then you must be
related to the mother?

By george, I think he's got it!

Look, my mother has a very
important physical to take in the morning.

Well, we ain't
holding your mother.

That's right, Mom. Go home and
get some rest before the physical.

- We'll take care of this mess.
- Keith, I am not leaving here
until they release Michael.

Not a chance, lady.

Everyone's been complaining
about crime in this neighborhood.

The mayor complains
to the alderman.

The alderman
complains to the captain.

And the captain comes down
here and chews the fat off my back.

That kid stays. On
mere suspicion?

Well, we can hold
him for 48 hours.

This is ridiculous. Someone ought
to arrest you for obstructing justice.

What are you sitting here for
anyway? To punish the innocent?

Are you angry or something?

Do you believe this dude?

Hey, Sarge, we finally caught the
guy that's been doing that attacking.

Caught him
red-handed. Bring him in.

He's a dead ringer for Michael.
Same hair and eyes and everything.

Well, it's a simple mistake. Mrs.
Evans, we'll release your son right away.

Well, thanks a lot.

Come on. Ma, you
can't take that physical.

You didn't get any rest.
Thelma, I have got to.

Now you and Keith see that
Michael gets home safe. Okay, Mom.

- Uh, Mrs. Evans!
- What now?

Just one more
thing. Your property.

This plant, it's yours.
Just sign for it. [Sneezes]

[Sneezes]

Officer, I have a better idea.

Since you've been so nice to me
and my family, I want to give it to you.

Why, thank you,
Mrs. Evans. [Sneezes]

I'll keep it right here
on my desk. [Sneezes]

I couldn't think of anyone
who deserves it more.

I've never heard of a
physical taking so long.

Hi. Is Flo back? Did she pass?

Oh, we don't know. Willona,
we have not seen her all day.

Ma told me about the plant. No
wonder it was such a good bargain.

[Purse Clatters]

Ma? Aw, poor baby.

We'll help you get your
job back somehow, Mom.

Ma, you didn't pass?

I passed! [Laughs]

You tricked us!

Oh, I was so tired, I
forgot to be nervous.

They told me I'm
in perfect health.

So I treated myself
to a little victory dinner.

Four Big Macs, three orders
of fries and a chocolate shake!

No, you didn't!

♪♪ [Piano]

♪♪ [Humming]

♪ Just lookin' out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how it all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪

♪♪ [Continues] Good Times is
videotaped before a studio audience.

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪♪