Good Times (1974–1979): Season 6, Episode 17 - Where Have All the Doctor's Gone? - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪



♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

[Groaning] [Grunts, Sniffles]

[Coughs, Wheezes]

[Gibbering, Sniffling]

- [Thelma] Whoo!
- Oh, boy. Hey, Michael?

Yeah, man? I'll trade you the
nasal spray for the throat spray.

You got it. [Mumbling]

Oh, boy.

[Sniffs, Sighs]

Ahh.

[Squealing]

You two make great
music together. [Laughs]

I studied nose under Leonard
Bernstein. He taught me how to blow it.



Ma, could you please hurry up
with that tea? We're dyin' here.

Take it easy, everybody.

We all just gonna have to sit
tight and ride this one out. Yeah.

[Groans] Half of Chicago
is down with the flu.

Oh, the tea. Yeah, Ma, everybody in
the house is sick, except you and J.J.

Yeah. Well, I don't know how
much longer I'll be able to keep going.

My school bus is
down to just three kids.

And you know, they
still fightin' over seats?

Aww. You're the only
one that's not complaining.

How are you, sweetheart?
I think I'm all right.

I just feel kind of achy.

No sooner than your mama goes out
of town, you come down with the flu.

It's probably better that way.

You know how frantic Mama
gets when I'm sick. That's true.

If it isn't the Zorro
of the Ghetto.

Laugh if you must,
postnasal face,

but I'm still healthy,
and y'all are sickies.

You've just been
lucky up to now, J.J.

Bugs have a hard time
getting into your body.

They just keep slidin' off.

You'll get it sooner or later.

Au contraire, brother-in-law. I'll have
you know I am the Prince of Health.

Hmm. Germs are naturally
repelled by my body.

Just like girls, huh?

Thelma, I won't retaliate to that
comment because of your condition...

Terminal ugliness. Oh, you
shouldn't talk about ugliness.

When you were born, the doctor
didn't know which end to slap.

You got some nerve,
coyote face, bear head.

Shut up! Get on
outta here! [Muttering]

More vitamin "C"? Mm-hmm.

Keith, you've already
had 2,000 milligrams.

Yeah, you take any more of that stuff
and you gonna start sweating orange juice.

[Stuffily] I gotta get
a hat for my nose.

I tried a 12-hour time capsule,

a nasal decongestant
and sinus spray,

and my head is still
clogged. [Sniffles, Gulps]

There's only one thing
left... The Roto-Rooter man.

All right, everybody. Time to
take temperatures again. Oh, Mom!

Not again! Oh, come
on. Come on now.

We can't be too careful
with a flu like this. [Sighs]

One for you. [Mumbles]

And one for my little Penny.

All right.

Ready, set, go!

Isn't it amazing?

Medical science has finally
found a way to keep Thelma quiet.

- [Humming]
- Thank you, Thelma.

That's the nicest thing
you ever said to me...

And the smartest.

J.J., can't you find
anything better to do?

Yeah, I can, Ma. Matter of fact,

this flu epidemic has knocked
the sails out of my love life. [Dialing]

So I got to find me one healthy
woman in Chicago to go out with...

Preferably real healthy.

Hello? Hello there, Mr. Johnson.

Yeah, let me speak to
Yvonne. This is Yvonne?

Oh, go on, girl. You
sound like Barry White.

"Right on" to you too.

Yeah, well, look.
Take two aspirin.

Call me in the
morning. Que será.

101.6?

Oh, child, you are sick.

Aunt Florida, I'm not gonna
have to go to the clinic, am I?

Oh, of course not, baby. We're
gonna take you to a private doctor.

The clinic's a real zoo. By
the time they call your number,

you're lucky if it isn't
really up. [Chuckles]

Yeah, there's still dudes there
waitin' to be treated for dinosaur bites.

J.J., look in that little book, and
call Dr. Simpson, please. Right.

Dr. Simpson moved out of the
ghetto six months ago, remember?

Yeah, Ma. His burglary insurance
was stolen, so he moved to the west side.

What's that other doctor's
name? Uh, Warren.

- Try Dr. Warren.
- All right.

[Dialing] Do you think you can
get up and get dressed, baby?

Yeah, I think I
can make it. Good.

Hello. Yeah. Let me speak
to Dr. Warren, This is urgent.

Well, why not?

[Snootily] Oh, I see. Good-bye.

Ohh.

Dr. Warren got mugged
three times last month.

He wanted to treat himself,
but his price was too high.

Have mercy. Go on, baby.

But he's referrin' all his
patients to a Dr. Kelly...

over on 62nd Street. Oh, that's
just terrific. They're all leaving!

Yeah. Pretty soon the only doctor left
in the ghetto is gonna be Dr. Pepper.

Well, Dr. Kelly it is.

And we'd better
hurry before he moves.

Oh, my. This is a nice office.

Yeah, almost makes
you wanna get sick.

Come on.

I'm Mrs. Evans, and this is
the young lady I called about.

She's achy and weak and
has a temperature of 102.

Sounds familiar. Take
a seat in Room Two.

Fill out this form
while you wait.

Come on, baby.

Hey, there, mama.
What's happenin'?

You must've worked all
day thinking up that line.

You know, I like my young
ladies with a sense of humor.

[Chuckles] What do you say after you get
off, me and you go out and play a little...

doctor?

I don't play doctor.

Oh, married, huh?

No. Got a boyfriend, huh?

No.

I can't figure this out.

Then how come you don't
wanna go out with me?

Can I help it if I have taste?

[Clears Throat]

Now, who taught you
nursing... Don Rickles?

Look here, mama. If
you play your cards right,

I'll introduce you to Dr. Kelly,

personal friend of mine.

I am the doctor,

and I got a lot of
work to do, Casanova.

I knew she was a
doctor. [Chuckles]

I knew it all the time.
I knew it all the time.

Hey, there, mama.
What's happenin'?

Now... there. That
didn't hurt, did it? A little.

Hmm. Well, guess
what? You're all finished.

Penny, why don't you wait
out there with J.J. Okay.

Well, Doctor, was it anything
serious? No, just the flu.

That vitamin shot I gave her along with
the antibiotics should take care of it.

Just see that she
gets plenty of fluids.

With this flu epidemic going around,
you must've had your hands full lately.

To say the least.
You know, Mrs. Evans,

many illnesses can be
prevented if you people

would learn to take
care of yourselves.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I prescribe, I
advise, I even plead.

I just get no cooperation
from you people.

- We people?
- Yes.

When I decided not to go into my
father's practice on Lakeshore Drive,

I did it because I wanted
to practice medicine...

where I thought I could
make a difference. [Chuckles]

I honestly thought I
could help you people.

What do you mean, we people?

When you look in the
mirror, who do you see?

Debby Boone?

Now, you may be a fancy doctor
from the right side of the tracks,

but I've got news for you.

You're still one of us.

That's not what I mean.
No? Then what did you mean?

Well, you people... [Groans]

All right. All right. All right.

The people here...

Half of you don't even see
a doctor before it's too late.

Half of you don't even take
the medicine I prescribe.

Maybe half of us can't afford
the medicine you prescribe.

Good health is priceless,
Mrs. Evans. And your diet...

It's no wonder so many black people
are suffering from high blood pressure.

You people are killing
yourselves gobbling down...

fatback, ham hocks, pig's feet.

You may not know it, Doctor,

but there's been a shortage
of caviar in the ghetto.

You don't have to be wealthy to
eat balanced meals, Mrs. Evans.

It's simply a matter of eating lean
meat, fresh fruit and vegetables.

We buy what is cheapest,

and the markets make
damn sure it ain't cheap.

Now, you may be talking health,

but in this neighborhood,
we're talking survival.

Now you think about that.

Oh, believe me, I'm thinking
about survival... my own.

That's precisely why
I've decided to get out.

Well, Doctor, if that's your
choice, I can't do anything about it.

But somebody ought to feel
responsible for poor people...

who have nobody else to depend on
except the few dedicated black doctors...

who have the guts
to stick with us.

Don't lay that guilt trip on me.

If the shoe fits, wear it!

Look at this, Mrs. Evans.

My drugs have been stolen,
my equipment vandalized.

I have to lock up my office
at 4:00 in the afternoon,

just so I can stand an even chance
of getting home without being mugged.

I didn't fight through 12 years
of medical school to be a target.

All right. Maybe you have been
hurt by some senseless hoodlums,

but what about the rest of us
who are sick and need your help?

I'm sorry.

Good-bye, Doctor.

We people have to
get back to our ghetto.

I don't understand. This
child is getting worse.

Maybe I should take
her to another doctor.

[Clicks Tongue] Oh, but where
am I gonna find another doctor now?

Maybe we can wait till Wednesday,
go out on the golf course...

and collapse on
the green. [Knocking]

[Stuffily] J.J., can I
borrow some aspirin?

Yeah, Bookman. Come on in.

We got regular
strength, extra strength,

and for you,
hippopotamus strength.

Hey, J.J., give me a
break, man. I feel lousy.

[Sneezing]

Just what we need...
Hurricane Booger.

Can I have something
to wipe my nose with?

Ma, you got an extra bedsheet?

Here, Booger... Bookman.

And take a few of these.

Oh, thank you, Mrs.
Evans. Yeah, Bookman.

And you'll really like
these aspirin. Yeah.

They really get rid of a
headache fast. Oh, that's terrific.

Watch this. Good-bye! Hey!

Aunt Florida, I feel
horrible... real cold then hot.

She's shaking!

Oh, poor baby,
you're burning up!

Thelma, bring me a
thermometer, please.

Aunt Florida, I'm scared.
Oh, you're gonna be all right.

We're all here. You're
gonna be just fine. Don't worry.

Thank you, dear.

Did the doctor answer yet, J.J.?

Not yet, Ma. They got that
canned music on here...

The Osmond Brothers singin' "I
Left My Heart In Salt Lake City."

Oh, my God, 104!

Oh, Ma, maybe that
medicine is just not working.

Penny, are you still cold?

No. Now I feel hot and achy.

Hello. Let me speak to
the doctor. This is urgent.

Give it here. Hello.
This is Mrs. Evans.

Yes, I was in there earlier
today with Penny Woods.

The child has a
temperature of 104.

Look, is there any way the doctor
could come over and take a look at her?

Well, tell her it's
an emergency!

Oh! Ma, she wouldn't come over?

She won't even
come to the phone.

Now there's only one thing for me to
do. I'm going over there and get her.

Ma, it's a quarter to 4:00. You
better hurry up before she leaves.

I'm leaving right now.
You all take care of Penny.

Penny, how you doin'
now? All right, I guess.

[Imitating Bill Cosby]
You know, Penny,

when I was a little
boy in Philadelphia...

Hey, hey, hey, hey...

I had to have my
tonsils out, and I couldn't

eat anything solid,
like jawbreakers,

so my mom kept feeding
me chocolate pudding...

till it was comin'
out of my ears.

That night... Late that
night, I was sittin' in my room,

and I had this terrible dream.

This gigantic blob of chocolate
puddin' was comin' through the door!

Hi, everybody.

My dream's comin' true!

Hey, what dream? Was
I in somebody's dream?

Not a dream,
Bookman... A nightmare.

And what you doin' here anyway?

I thought I'd bring over a
few things to cheer Penny up.

Hey, Penny.

I got this cuddly, little,
furry, adorable puppy.

Isn't it cute?

Are you sure you wanna part
with your little puppy dog, Booger?

Cute! Cut that out, Keith.

Hey, Bookman, don't you
think she's a little too old for that?

I got something else.

- Ta-da!
- A coloring book?

A coloring book?
Let me see this.

"Tiny Terry the Turtle
Takes a Trip on the 'A' Train."

Bookman, I'd sure like to
see the rest of your library.

That's not mine. That
belongs to my niece.

Not according to this.

"To my dearest Nathan, on
our 25th wedding anniversary."

Give me that, fool!

You see that, Bookman. You did
cheer her up Penny. She's laughin'.

[Ringing]

Hello.

Oh, Willona. Oh, yes, I'm fine.

Well, everybody's fine.
Uh-huh. Who? Penny?

Uh, well, um, Penny is doin' great
for a person with a 104... I mean...

Uh, Willona. Willona, what
she means is 104 points.

[Laughs] Yeah, we're
playin' knock rummy.

Uh, let me handle this.

Willona, this here is J.J.

Yeah, everything is fine.
Oh, you want to speak to Ma?

Uh, see, Ma is not here. She went to
get the doctor. Oh! Did I say doctor?

What I meant is that she was an
hour and a half late for work today,

so they docked her.

Yeah, and she was really
hot about the situation.

Had a terrible fever. [Laughs]

All right, Willona. The truth.

And the truth is, Penny does
have a little fever, but she's fine...

Willona? Hello?

Hello? Uh-oh.

Good-bye.

Willona took it real
fine. She fainted.

Hmm, that's fine. Good day.

Oh, thank heavens,
you're still here.

Oh, Mrs. Evans, I was
just leaving. It's 4:00.

Doctor, you have to look
at Penny. She's worse.

What do you mean, worse?
She's running a 104 fever,

and she's having chills. My advice
is to keep giving her the fluids,

aspirin every four hours
and the alcohol rubs.

If necessary, uh, bring her in to
see me first thing in the morning.

Oh, Doctor, the child
is too weak to get up.

Can't you come by and
have a look at her? Please?

Oh, Mrs. Evans.

Have you any idea what would happen if
I were to visit all my patients personally?

They'd probably
have a heart attack...

from the surprise of seeing you.

Look, Doctor, I have
a sick child at home.

What if it's something serious?

Mrs. Evans, the
medical system...

has specific provisions
for emergencies.

You can always
call an ambulance.

An ambulance!

The only time we see an
ambulance in our neighborhood...

is when they run out of gas on
their way to another neighborhood.

This child needs help now!

I can't change things overnight.

I'm only a doctor, not a saint!

You certainly are not.

Saints walked with people.

They didn't float above them.

Good day, Mrs. Evans.

Doctor, please.

That child was left in my care.

I'm responsible for
her, and I love her.

Help her.

Help me.

Please!

Where do you live, Mrs.
Evans? Oh. [Sobbing]

It's just about a 10-minute
walk from here. Let's go.

Oh, thank you,
Doctor. Thank you.

Well, Doc, how's
she doin'? Fine.

She's gonna be just fine.

Oh, thank heavens.
Now, what was it, Doc?

Apparently, Penny has a virus that
doesn't respond to the pills I gave her.

I'm trying another medication that
I'm sure will bring that fever down.

I'll stay and see just how
she responds. Oh, thank you.

I'm gonna pour
us a cup of coffee.

Oh, thank you. I could use some.

Oh, Doctor, I am so glad
that you decided to come.

And you see, Doc,

your coming did
make a difference.

Thanks to you.
It did, didn't it?

You know, we're gonna be
very sorry to lose you, Doctor.

I'm not so sure about that now.

Oh?

Coming over here today,
Mrs. Evans... It made me...

It made me realize how I've
lost touch with you people...

My people, my patients.

Ah.

I'm not gonna make any
promises, but... [Taps Tabletop]

I think I'm gonna stay
around a little while longer. Oh!

We sure can use you. Give it a little
time to get a real sense of the community.

Yeah, pretty soon, you'll
be passing for one of us.

J.J., will you stop it?

[Chuckles] I'm sorry. [Sneezes]

I knew it. I knew
he'd finally get sick.

The Prince of
Health finally falls.

Doctor, would you take a
look at J.J. for me, please?

Aw, come on now. Ain't nothin'
wrong with this magnificent body.

That's a body?

I suppose I could examine it,

but, uh, I might need
a microscope. [Laughs]

Now take it easy, y'all. It
was only a little sneeze.

Oh, we'll see about that.

Open your mouth wide. Say, "Ah."

Ahh-ohh. Ah. Ah!

Ahh-ohh. Ah, ah!

Oh. Uh-huh!

Uh! Oh. Oh, no.

What is it, Doctor? What is it?

Mrs. Evans. Yes.

I'm afraid your son
has a severe case of...

malaguena. Oh!

Malaguena?

Ohh, no! I can't believe it!

Not me! I'm too young to go!

Thelma, get the vaccine!
Gimme some beriberi juice!

No! Malaguena!

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪ Good Times was
videotaped before a studio audience.