Good Times (1974–1979): Season 6, Episode 12 - The Traveling Christmas - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪



♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Keith looks better
than Muhammad Ali ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪

♪ To me he looks
like a mangy collie ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la-la-la la-la-la ♪

♪ Instead of turkey eat tamale ♪

♪ Tra-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la ♪♪

Sing it, Mama.

Oh, Ma, this is gonna be the
best Christmas Eve party ever.

It's gonna be my very
first Christmas with Keith.

Amen to that.



On Donner, on Blitzen,
on Dancer, on Prancer.

The Ebony Prince is
here, the mistletoe answer.

J.J., I saw some of the girls you
kissed under the mistletoe last year.

You'll get better action if you
hold a can of Alpo over your head.

You got some nerve,
you old reindeer face.

Look who's talking? The only
Santa who looks like the North Pole.

You got some nerve, you
ski head... Shut up! Ma!

All right, kids. It's
Christmastime.

Shut up! Get out
of here. [Mutters]

Even the worst
enemies call a truce.

What's a truce?

Well, that's a brief moment of peace
when everybody stands around reloading.

J.J., how come you're home so
early from the department store?

Well, Ma, the boss
said something to me...

that made me stomp
off and rip off my beard.

What did he say?

"You fired."

Again?

J.J., what did you do?

It's what I didn't do, Ma.

I got fired for lack of lap.

The kids kept fallin' out of it.

That's too bad. Well, it
wasn't all that bad, Ma.

For a little while, I had sittin' on my lap
none other than "Boom Boom" Belinda.

And she told you what she
wanted for Christmas, right?

No, I told her what I
wanted for Christmas.

All right, J.J.

Merry Christmas, everybody.

[Florida] Willona, come on in.

Girl, wait till you see the
dress I bought for the party.

Oh? It is too cold blooded.

It's strapless,
and it has a split...

way up to here.

I call it my welfare dress.

"Welfare dress"? Mm-hmm.

No visible means of support.

Oh!

Willona, I bought a new dress
too. I just hope Keith likes it.

Oh, I'm sure he's
gonna like it, honey.

- Damn.
- Oh, Keith,
'tis the season to be jolly.

How would you feel if your boss
made you work on Christmas Eve?

- You won't be able
to come to the party?
- No.

Well, look, Keith. If you can't
come to the party on Christmas Eve,

we'll just save it and have
our party Christmas Day.

[Willona] That's right. Look, I asked
Clements about gettin' off Christmas,

but old halibut face just
walked away from me.

You know, Christmas is
our busiest season. Oh, boy.

Doesn't that Scrooge ever think of anything
besides business? Well, you all decide.

Clements's sister had to be rushed to
the hospital to deliver her baby. Right?

So Clements drove
her there himself.

- Oh, that was nice.
- He charged her full fare.

Kept the meter
running all during labor.

Oh, that's cold.

I bet he tells little kids that Rudolph
the Red-nosed Reindeer is an alcoholic.

J.J., Clements
doesn't have any kids.

He doesn't even have
a wife. He's single.

- Then what makes him so mean?
- Maybe he's lonely.

I wouldn't doubt it. No one
down there can stand him.

He once had a homing
pigeon, and that left home.

[Whistling]

Well, there's no need in depressing
everyone with my problems.

Hey, Penny, I saw the
cutest little toy the other day.

A little flying saucer came down.
This little man came out and went...

[High-pitched Voice] "Hi, I'm
Merkyl from the planet Herkyl.

[Whirring] "We have been
monitoring your broadcasts.

"Bing, bing, bing,
bing, bing, bing, bing.

"We observed weird
creatures acting strange. Hmm!

Take us to your
leader... Chuck Barris."

[Imitating Paul Lynde]
Well, you can't win 'em all.

I got to get shaved
and get back to work.

Santa Claus, what did
you get me this year?

I'm getting you
a ghetto ant farm.

A ghetto ant farm?

Yep. Even the worker
ants are unemployed.

[Knocking]

Hi, Penny. Hi.

- Hi, guys. Don't mind me.
- Don't worry, honey. We won't.

Bookman, what are you doing?

Oh, Mrs. Evans, I was just
checking your Christmas tree lights.

I know you're
having a big party.

I wouldn't want the lights to
go out while you're having fun.

Bookman, there is no need to monkey
with the lights. They're doing just fine.

Well, okay. If you want
me, just call on me.

Since Violet's gonna be
away, I'll guess I'll... I'll be home.

If I get lonely, I could always
go down to the pet shop...

and talk to the
parrot in the window.

Good idea, honey.

Or maybe I'll stay in.

Look at my shoes in the closet.

Maybe I'll even up the laces.

Great.

Or maybe I'll just put some
new holes in my tool belt.

Okay, Bookman. You
can come to our party.

Thank you. Merry
Christmas. Merry Christmas.

[Florida] Oh, boy.

Well, back to the salt mines.

Hey, honey, I'm not the only one.
Lots of people work Christmas...

Cops, nurses,
waitresses, doctors.

I'll be thinkin' of you
the whole time. Hmm?

Keith, I got an idea.

Since you can't come
to our Christmas party,

why don't we take the
party down to the garage?

I'm sure the drivers'll love it.

I'm sure they would, but I
don't think the boss'd go for it.

He doesn't know how
to have a good time.

Maybe no one's ever told
him how to have a good time.

Willona, what do you mean?

Flo, we are going down to the taxi
barn and spread some Christmas cheer.

You leave the boss
to Willona, okay?

And how do you
expect to do that?

I'm gonna say, "Mr. Clements, we
are going to have a party here tonight,

and that is all there
is to that, honey."

Willona, how are you
going to convince him?

Not me. [Chuckles]

My dress is gonna
do all the talkin'.

[Chattering]

♪♪ [Piano: Jazz] [Chattering]

All right, all right.
Quiet, you guys.

All right. Let's quiet
down. Come on.

Somebody pick
that rug over there.

Take a seat.

All right. Quiet.

Look, out of the
kindness of my heart,

I'm allowin' the Evans family to
throw a little yule party here for you all.

[Man] All right!
[Crowd Cheering]

All right. Before we get started,
I'd like to lay a few ground rules.

[Crowd Groaning]

When you hear your cab
number, I want you to get

your butt out there on
that road immediately.

All right? And anybody I
catch not enjoying the party,

they're gonna have to answer to
me later on out behind the barn.

All right? What happenin'
to Cigar-butt Clements?

Givin' us a party? I bet you
that good-lookin' girl Willona...

sweet-talked him
into it. Mm-hmm.

I heard that. No sweet-talkin'
dame who sweet-talk me.

Oh, now come on and
give us a smile, pookie face.

Come on. "Pookie face"?

[Laughing] [Laughing]

One crack out of you and
you're gonna hear another crack.

It'll be your skull.
You understand?

[Clements] Sit down over
there ♪♪ [Band: Vamp]

[Applause] [Cheering]

It's all right. That's all
right. Don't worry about it.

Welcome to the Windy
City Cab Company.

Y'all know where y'all at, 'cause
y'all here. Anyway... [Laughing]

Whoo, boy. How
y'all like this tuxedo?

[Crowd Whooping]
It's all right. Yeah.

I made this. That's right.

I walk in the store, man turn his
back, I just "made away" with it.

Whoo-hoo! But I love being
around cabs and cabettes...

and hackettes and
everybody like we got in here,

because, see, my
first date was in a cab.

That's right. Me and my
lady went out, you know,

and I told the cab driver, drive real
slow while we get cozy in the back.

The meter was
clickin', but I wasn't.

So the cabbie turn around and
say, "What's goin' on back there?"

I say, "Nothin'." He say, "Well,
then you drive and I'll get in the back."

All right then.

And y'all got to watch
out and take it easy.

Especially when y'all takin' that
money, y'all got to take it easy.

There's a lot of counterfeiters
goin' on around here. That's right.

I noticed a brother counterfeitin'
hundred-dollar bills the other day.

Would've had it made. Had a
picture of Franklin on it and everything.

Only thing, it was
Aretha Franklin.

Naw, it's something else.

I don't know if y'all know this. I was
in school the other day reminiscing.

And did y'all ever notice this? They never
showed you a picture of a black caveman.

That's right. But they just recently
found out that there were black cavemen,

'cause they just dug up a
3,000,000-year-old Cadillac.

Two payments still due.

But seriously, folks, are y'all ready
for more comedy? [Approving Shouts]

What "more" comedy?
When did it start?

[Crowd Groans]

As soon as you
put on that bow tie.

Ladies and gentleman, now I'd like
to introduce you to a young man...

that I've had the pleasure of
spending the last 17 years with,

listening to him
sing in the shower.

And I tell you. That's a long time
to wait to get into the bathroom.

Let's hear it for my brother, your
friend and our pal, Mr. Michael Evans.

[Applause] ♪♪ [Pop]

♪ Girl, I think it's time we
turned the lights down ♪

[Audience Clapping Rhythmically]

♪ We've had all the small
talk that we can use ♪

♪ Now we best be
gettin' down to business ♪

♪ You can start by
kickin' off your shoes ♪

♪ Let me rock
you to your socks ♪

♪ From your
bottoms to your tops ♪

♪ Till my lovin'
snaps and pops ♪

♪ Let me rock you
Rock you to your socks ♪

♪ I know some guys are
all talk and no action ♪

♪ Well, let me show
you I'm not one of those ♪

♪ I always put my lovin'
where my mouth is ♪

♪ And you're gonna feel
it right down to your toes ♪

♪ Let me rock
you to your socks ♪

♪ From your
bottoms to your tops ♪

♪ Till my lovin'
snaps and pops ♪

♪ Let me rock you
Rock you to your socks ♪

♪ Mmm ♪

♪ And I don't think a love
could be made much better ♪

♪ Baby, I know what's
going through your mind ♪

♪ But just one night of
love is not all I'm after ♪

♪ I want you here
beside me all the time ♪

♪ Let me rock
you to your socks ♪

♪ From your
bottoms to your tops ♪

♪ Till my lovin'
snaps and pops ♪

♪ Let me rock you
Rock you to your socks ♪

♪ Rock you to your socks ♪

♪ I'm gonna pull
out all the stops ♪

♪ Girl, it's time to
shoot your shot ♪

♪ Let me rock you
Rock you to your socks ♪

♪ Rock, rock you Rock
you to your socks ♪

♪ Rock you Rock
you to your socks ♪♪

[Applause]

Oh, my goodness.

[Chuckles]

Aw, boy. Rocked me
all the way to my socks.

Goodness gracious.

Too much for me.

Boy, that man carries
a whole bundle of talent.

Unfortunately, he didn't
bring any with him tonight.

The next young man
I'd like to introduce...

happens to be our building
superintendent-supervisor.

A man that's very heavy
when it comes to weight.

That's right. A man that... When he
gets into the ocean, the water rises.

Let's welcome the fabulous, the
one and only, Mr. Nat Bookman. Yeah!

[Applause] ♪♪ [Funk]

[Applause]

Nat Bookman! Nat Bookman!

Nat Bookman! Nat Bookman!

Nat Bookman! Nat Bookman!

Whoo-hoo! Nat
Bookman is somethin' else.

He's bad!

Yeah. Bookman, boy.

Whoo! He never
knew he was gettin' fat,

until he couldn't get into things
like he once could... like his house.

But you know... [Laughing]

The next young man I'd like to
introduce for y'all... fabulous himself.

Y'all know who he is.

Fine athlete, a wonderful
entertainer, a fine human being.

Somebody well
known in the business.

Matter of fact,
ladies and gentleman,

A man who needs no introduction.

A little Robert Goulet.

♪♪ [Pop] [Imitating Robert
Goulet] ♪ On a clear day ♪

♪ Rise and look around you ♪

♪ And you'll see who ♪

♪ Ah, who you really are ♪

♪ On a clear day ♪

♪ How it will astound you ♪

♪ As the glow of your being
outshines every star ♪♪

[Imitating Jerry Lewis] Hello,
everybody. This is Jerry Lewis.

I want to call on some
really good singers right now.

Fabulous guy, the
immortal Johnny Mathis.

[Imitating Johnny
Mathis] ♪ Look at me ♪

♪ I'm as helpless
as a kitten up a tree ♪

♪ And I feel like I'm
clinging to a cloud ♪

♪ I can't understand ♪

♪ I get misty just
holding your hand ♪

Tony Bennett.

[Imitating Tony Bennett]
♪ Walk my way ♪

♪ And a thousand
violins begin to play ♪

♪ Or it may be the
sound of your hello ♪

[Imitating Jerry Lewis]
♪ The music I hear ♪

♪ I get misty the moment ♪

[Off Key] ♪ You're near ♪

♪♪ [Piano Hitting
Correct Key] He's right.

[Imitating Bill Cosby] ♪ You can
say that you're leading me on ♪

Hey, hey!

♪ But it's just what
I want you to do ♪

Go ahead. Take it away, Tony.

[Imitating Tony Bennett] ♪ Don't
you notice how hopelessly I'm lost ♪

♪ That's why I'm following you ♪

[Imitating Johnny
Mathis] ♪ On my own ♪

[As Himself] ♪ Should I wander
through this wonderland alone ♪

♪ Never knowing my
right foot from my left ♪

♪ My hat from my glove ♪

♪ I'm too misty and
too much in love ♪

[Woman] Now do
it in your own voice!

[Imitating Punch-drunk
Fighter] ♪ I'm too misty ♪

♪ And too much ♪

♪ [As Himself] In love ♪♪

Whoo! Now for our next group...

Some fine people,
some wonderful cats.

Y'all have heard of the Pointer
Sisters. I know y'all have.

The Pointer Sisters...
Bonnie, Anita, June and Ruth.

Yes. [Applause]

Well, the mighty, mighty Pointer
Sisters out of Oakland, California.

Yes, the Pointer Sisters.
We all know who they are.

Well, the Windy City Cab Company,
tonight, right here in Chicago,

is proud to announce
that the Pointer Sisters...

will not be here.

But in their "steed,"

we have our ghetto answer
to the Pointer Sisters...

Florida, Willona,
Thelma and Penny.

They call themselves the
mighty, mighty Pointless Sisters!

♪♪ [Soft Piano]

When it's snowing
and it's blowing,

it's that season of the year...

When you look to
find some comfort...

and a little Christmas cheer.

So we gather round the
radiator wrapped up in a sheet.

Hoping someone
shows some pity...

[All] ♪ And sends
us all up some heat ♪

Ooh!

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ But I need your love
to keep away the cold ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ But I can't get warm
without your hands to hold ♪

♪ The radiator's hissin'
Still I need your kissin' ♪

♪ To keep me from
freezin' each night ♪

♪ I got a hot-water
bottle But nothing I got ♪

♪ Will take the place
of you holding me tight ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ We got sss-steam heat ♪

♪ But I need your love
to keep away the cold ♪

♪ Shovel more
coal in the boiler ♪

♪ Shovel more
coal in the boiler ♪

♪ Shovel more
coal in the boiler ♪

♪ But that don't do no good ♪

♪ They told me to pour
some more oil in the burner ♪

♪ They told me to pour
some more oil in the burner ♪

♪ They told me to pour
some more oil in the burner ♪

♪ But that don't do no good ♪

- Coal in the boiler?
- No good.

- Oil in the burner?
- No good.

Is it cold? No.

Hot? Yes.

♪ Yes, yes, yes Come
on, burner, get hot ♪

[Cheering, Whistling]

♪ Shovel more coal in
the boiler Boink, boink ♪

♪ Shovel more coal in
the boiler Boink, boink ♪

♪ Shovel more
coal in the boiler ♪

♪ If you want to do some good ♪

♪ Pour some more
oil in the burner ♪

♪ Pour some more
oil in the burner ♪

♪ Pour some more
oil in the burner ♪

♪ Don't do no good ♪

♪ You can shovel more
coal and pour some more oil ♪

♪ But I need your love
to make my blood boil ♪

♪ Get ready for a treat ♪

♪ Steam heat ♪♪

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And I must give thanks
to the good Lord above...

for giving us such a
beautiful Christmas gift...

A loving family
and warm friends.

May I ask all of my family
to join us on the stage.

Come on. Come
on, Booger. Come on.

Come on, Mr. Bookman.
[Keith] Bookman!

And now, if you will join us...

in singing "Silent Night."

♪♪ [Piano]

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant ♪

♪ So tender and mild ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪

♪ Peace ♪

♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪

♪ Peace ♪

♪ Silent night ♪

♪ Holy night ♪

♪ All is calm ♪

♪ All is bright ♪

Merry Christmas.

And a merry Christmas to
you. ♪ Round yon virgin ♪

♪ Mother and child ♪

♪ Holy infant ♪ Merry
Christmas, Mr. Bookman.

Oh, Penny, merry Christmas to
you, love. ♪ So tender and... ♪♪