Good Times (1974–1979): Season 6, Episode 1 - Florida's Homecoming: Part 1 - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪
♪ Anytime you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Anytime
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and survivin' ♪
♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow line ♪
♪ Good times ♪



♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

If you are not home in
that bed in 30 seconds,

you're going to have
hot buns before breakfast.

But aren't we gonna wait up for Michael
and Thelma though? Twenty-nine, 28...

Shoot. Even Marie Osmond
knows more than I do.

Go on. I'll watch.

Hey, Willona, are
you tellin' me that...

Thelma and Michael
are not home yet?

Me, the eldest, is
home first? That's right.

Well, then. What are you doin'?

I'm gettin' ready to make
another date. At this hour?

No problem. I'm goin' out
with Bess the Midnight Express.

She starts late,
but makes no stops.



[Imitates Train Whistle]

I seen Bess. She
looks more like Porgy.

Oink, oink.

Well, I'd better go change
into some threads...

more apropos for the
late, late, late show.

J.J., what's goin' on?
Since Flo has been away,

you kids have been runnin' wild.

I tell ya, I don't know how
much more I can take of this.

Aw, take it easy, Willona.
Evans family is doin' just great.

You know what I mean? I'm
a big-time advertising exec.

Michael's gettin' ready
to go to college. Thelma...

Well, you know, you
can't win them all.

A little too
conservative for me.

J.J., I know you're
makin' a good salary,

but must you spend all
your money on clothes?

Why don't you put
some money in the bank?

Because I attracts more
interest this way, Willona.

The bank only gives
away free calendars.

Me, I get the live merchandise.

Well, Willona, how you like it?

[Clears Throat] You
want my honest opinion?

Yeah. Why not?

You look like a Q-tip
dipped in Mercurochrome.

Hey, hi, J.J. Hi, Willona.
You all sure are up early.

Gramps, just one minute.
You know what time it is?

Yeah, Michael. Don't you think
you got something to say here?

Sure. Go on.

Good night. I hope yours
was as good as mine.

Michael?

Now, the only time
you stayed up this late

before was when you
were doin' your homework.

Well, Willona, I may
not have been at home,

but I was workin'.

As a matter of fact, I gotta say
good-bye to all these women...

before I leave for college.

Hey, Michael, you don't leave
for college for two weeks yet.

It's gonna take you that long to
say good-bye to all those foxes?

- If I hurry.
- Hmm.

Well, in that case, Michael,
that's still no reason for you...

to be comin' home this late.

So me bein' the brother
superior and head of the house,

I'm gonna have to
command you to your room.

Oh. Good night. But I'm
confiscatin' this notebook.

Hey, Brother, you can't
take away my gusto. J.J.!

[Chattering, Arguing]

Hold it! What is goin'
wrong in this family?

You're all comin' in late, don't
have your meals together anymore.

You don't even see each
other for days at a time.

You all are gettin'
on my nerves.

Have any of you noticed what's happening
to Thelma? What's wrong with Thelma?

Well, she's coming
in late, acting distant.

And when I ask her where
she's been, she doesn't hear me!

- Hmm. Sounds like
she's in love.
- Or going deaf.

J.J., I'm serious.
All right, all right.

When she gets
home, I'll have a good,

old-fashioned,
heart-to-heart talk with her.

[Knocking] And then we'll get to
the bottom of this here problem.

Well, here's the bottom.

Good evening, folks. I
mean, good morning, folks.

Booger, what are you doin' nosing
around here this time in the mornin'?

Hey, this is trash day. Better get down
there before the truck leaves without you.

You know, I come up here to do you
people a favor, and all I get is insults.

I don't need this. Bye. Bye.

- I'm going now. Bye.
- Adios.

Well, I mean, if nobody's worried
about where Thelma is, it's fine with me.

Booger, wait. You know
where Thelma is? Yeah.

I just saw her. Where is she?
Is she all right? Where is she?

Hey, I don't wanna upset
nobody, you know. Negro, please.

Tell me where she is. Sittin'
down right in front of this building...

in a big, long, red Cadillac
neckin' with some dude.

What? There's only two kind of dudes in the
ghetto can afford a fancy car like that.

One is a numbers
runner, and the other is...

I'll kill her! Hey, wait, J.J.!

Did you recognize the dude?

Well, I-I tried.
Lord knows I tried.

But they were kissin' so hard,
they fogged up the windows.

I'll teach him to
mess with my sister!

Hey, hey, hey. I think
he already knows how.

I'm glad I could be of
help. Have a nice day.

I'll tear him apart!
Let me at him!

Let me handle it, J.J.
You're too excited. [Grunts]

I'll talk to Thelma
rationally and calmly.

Thelma, where the
hell have you been?

Hello.

The car windows isn't
all that's fogged up.

Oh, I've never seen
a man so wonderful.

So tall, so strong.
Just so perfect.

Thelma, forget about me.

What I wanna know about is this
window-fogger you've been goin' out with.

His name is Keith.
Keith Anderson.

Hey, he's got the
same name as that black

football player who almost
won the Heisman trophy.

Michael, that is him. It is?

You mean you, the ugly duckling,
has snagged the golden goose?

I read in the paper
that he's in town to sign

a million-dollar
contract with the Bears.

A million-dollar con... Thelma!

The night's young yet.

What are you doin' home
so early? Go catch the man.

Maybe you'll get him at a
red light. J.J., stop! Stop!

Girl, sit down and tell
us. How'd you meet him?

Well, he introduced himself to me after
he saw me dance at the community center.

And I didn't even know
he was a football player.

Thelma, when are we
gonna meet him? Yeah!

Really, really soon. I've been
going out with him for about a month,

so I decided to
invite him for dinner.

Dinner? Yep.

Who's gonna do
the cooking? I am.

Ooh!

Thelma, you're gonna ptomaine the
goose before he lay the golden eggs?

Thelma, wait a minute, baby.
I wanna ask you one question.

How does Keith feel about you?

I don't know, Willona, but I
do know one thing for sure.

I love him, and I just can't stop
hoping that he loves me too.

Look at this dress. It's
stuck. I can't zip it up.

Thelma, that's because
it's got buttons on it.

Is Keith here yet?

No, no, no. He's on his way.
J.J., what do you have there?

Some Chinese food. I
thought Keith may like some.

I got here some
moo goo "cow pang,"

some "Mangolian el beefo,"

some Peking duck,

and a chicken that
lost his passport.

J.J., you know I cooked a roast.

Hey, y'all. Is Keith here yet?

Willona, what's all
this? Oh, nothing.

Just a couple of dozen hors
d'oeuvres I threw together.

Oh, come on now. If Keith
eats all the food you brought,

he won't have any room for mine.

[Together] We know.

[Knocking] Oh, um,
now I think that's him.

That must be him. Now look, I
want Keith to be really comfortable.

So just... Everybody,
just be yourselves.

Except for you, J.J.

Hi, baby.

[Groaning]

[Clearing Throat Loudly]

Keith? Excuse me, Keith.

Could I have your autograph?

Thank you.

Hey, Penny, don't bother
the man with autographs.

Autographs are very silly.

They ain't nothing but somebody's
name scribbled on a piece of paper.

Most of the time you
can't read 'em anyway.

That's all right. I don't mind.

Well, in that case,
make it out to J.J.,

the man who has created
more moves than prune juice.

Keith, this is my brother J.J. Glad to
meet you. Thelma's told me a lot about you.

I deny every word.

The girl's gotten into
a bad habit of lying.

Well, she told me you
were a talented artist,

had a good future and,
uh, were very handsome.

As I was saying, Thelma
has never lied a day in her life.

And this is my other brother
Michael. Glad to meet you, Keith.

I saw your last football game, and that
touchdown you made was on the money.

Thanks, Mike. No problem.

And this is our little
neighbor Penny.

[Imitating Mae West]
Hi there, big boy.

[Imitating W.C. Fields]
Ah, yes, my little chickadee.

I'd like to sing a little ditty for
you... "You Light Up My Nose."

Oh, Keith, I didn't know
you were an actor too.

Hey, well, I took
drama in college.

That's why the teacher
made me go out for football.

This is our best friend and
Penny's mother, Willona Woods.

How are you? You're lovely.
You're as beautiful as Thelma said.

Ooh, child, honey,
he's a natural.

He ain't even got the ball yet, and
he's already scored a touchdown.

Well, Keith, dinner will be
ready in a minute. All right, babe.

Hors d'oeuvre? How about
some moo goo "cow pang"?

Wonderful Chinese delicacy.
Hey! Come on. Cut it out!

Willona, come and help
me in the kitchen, please.

I'll help too,
Thelma. Oh, Keith?

I watch football on TV, and could
you tell me one thing? What's that?

Why does the man
who call the numbers...

always have to lean over and tickle
the man who hands him the ball?

That's to warn him if he doesn't hand
it right, he might get more than a tickle.

You know what I mean?
Yo, I got a question for you.

How come there aren't any head
black coaches in pro football today?

'Cause we players can't
afford to take the cut in salary.

But there's gonna be some black
head coaches someday real soon.

I hope so, brother. I mean,
this is the 20th century. All right.

All right then. Well, let's
get down to the main...

most important aspect
of professional sports.

What's that? That happens
to be product endorsement.

As you know, I'm a
big-time advertising exec.

Michael, my cigars,
please. [Fingers Snap]

Now, your name is Keith
Albert Anderson, right? Right.

Well, you know, there's
O.J. Simpson. From now on,

you're gonna be
known as K.A. Anderson,

better known as
Kool-Aid Anderson!

Way out, huh? Way out, J.J.
You're onto something there.

Well, you know. What can I say?

There's plenty more
where that came from.

You know how O.J. Simpson
runs through airports and rents cars?

Well, from now on, you're gonna run
through bus stations and rent airplanes.

Say, how about renting out
advertising space on my uniform, huh?

No doubt about it. "Eat At
Ed's" right on the back there.

I'm tellin' you, boy, what we
got to do is incorporate you.

Yeah. Between my brains
and your athletic ability,

there's no tellin' how much
bread we can slice together.

All right. I hear that, man.

If your brain's gonna be
behind this whole organization,

I got the perfect slogan for your ad
company. Oh, yeah? What's that?

"Get a Piece of
the Rock." Wahoo!

[Phone Ringing]

Michael, answer the phone while I
think of an answer for that wisecrack.

Hello? You wanna
speak to Keith Anderson?

Who's calling? It's a guy
by the name of Mr. Compton.

That's my agent. I
told him I'd be here.

Hi, Al? Oh, they made
us another offer, huh?

Oh. We're 15,000 apart.

Yeah.

Well, don't give in, man. No.

Yeah, let me know what happens.
Yeah, see ya, baby. Okay, later, Al!

Give me a call!

Okay, dinner's ready.
Okay, let's go to the Colonel's.

Oh, look at the roast. Thelma,
the roast looks absolutely beautiful.

Not half as beautiful as
the cook looks. Heard that.

Well, I guess I'll carve.

J.J., aren't you forgetting
something? Oh, yeah, right.

Lord, who parted the Red
Sea over Egypt's coast,

please perform the same
miracle on Thelma's roast.

Just carve the roast, turkey.

I remember my college coach always
had us say a prayer before each game.

I still remember it.

Dear Lord, we humbly
ask your blessings...

for our team and our opponents.

Let us be gentle and righteous, for
peace and love are all that matters.

Now let's get out there and kick
their butts! Hut, one! Hut, two! Let's eat!

Cut the meat, man.

J.J., why don't you use
the sharp end of the knife?

Michael, I am.

But I think an electric hacksaw
would be more appropriate.

Thelma's used to
cooking in a radar oven.

Yeah, but the radar kept
locatin' enemy submarines.

I tell you, ain't nothing like a good,
firm roast to strengthen your teeth.

Yeah. Smiling Leon
Spinks eat here all the time.

Uh-oh, Michael. I think it's
alive. It's startin' to fight back.

Get the gun out,
Michael! Get the gun!

Attack of the roast
monster! Shut up, fool!

Come on. Cut it, baby.
[Willona] Little piece.

Small sliver.

[Chuckles] Yeah.

It's good, huh?

Melts in your mouth,
don't it, brother?

No one cooks like Thelma.

Not in this world.

[Flatware Clatters]

This meat is tougher
than the Dallas defense.

- Keith!
- Honey, who cares?

Look, Thelma... Thelma,
you're gorgeous. You're sweet.

You're the best
woman I've ever met.

And I'm not marryin'
you for your cookin'.

What? Wait, wait, wait.
Would you re-re-re-repeat that?

I said, I'm not marrying
Thelma for her cooking.

Is that a proposal? It is.

[All] We accept!

Thelma? Uh,

Keith, I-I don't know. Hey,
baby, we ain't got much time.

I already told you, as
soon as I sign this contract,

I gotta go off on the
road with the Bears.

And I'll feel a lot better if I
know you're Mrs. Anderson.

So if we're gonna do it, this
Saturday has got to be the day.

Oh, Keith, I love
you and everything.

But, um, I can't say yes until I talk
to my mother, and she's in Arizona.

Let's call her! [Chattering]

We'll call her collect. Come
on, J.J. Dial that phone.

We'll call her collect. She's been
waitin' 21 years to hear this message.

Come on, girl. Shh!
It's ringing. It's ringing.

Hello? Hi, Ma.

Oh, no, everything's fine.

Uh, I just wanna get married.

Hello? Hello?

Oh. His name?

Keith Anderson.
He's a football player.

And, Ma, I gotta
marry him right away.

Oh, of course I'm not, Mom!

[Snickers] Um,

Ma... Ma, he's going
on the road soon.

And, Ma, I love him. But I
just want your permission.

Will I marry him if you say no?

Yes, Ma, I think so.

Well, if I love him that
much... Marry him? Marry him?

[Squeals] Girl!

Um... Um, this Saturday.

Oh, Ma, I wish you
could be at the wedding.

Oh, Ma, I love
you. Okay, bye-bye.

Bye, Mom. Bye, Mom.

Oh, Keith. Yes, Keith, yes.

[Laughing]

Oh! And Mom's gonna
be at the wedding too!

I wonder where are they? What
could be keeping Ma and J.J. so long?

Ma's plane landed
over two hours ago.

Thelma, Thelma, just
calm down. They'll be here.

Yeah, I should've never
let J.J. go pick Ma up.

J.J. can't even pick up his
own socks in the morning.

Thelma, you know J.J. wanted to do
this whole thing on a first-class basis.

As a matter of fact, he borrowed
a limo from Ferguson's Mortuary.

Hi, y'all. Is Flo here
yet? Oh, no, Willona.

I don't know. I hope
nothin' went wrong.

Oh, honey, calm down.
You're a nervous wreck.

Yeah, I guess I am
upset. You know,

Willona, last night I
couldn't sleep at all.

You know, that's natural.
You're gettin' married tomorrow.

That means two
nights without sleep.

- Gramps!
- Willona, I'm just
telling it like it is.

I don't believe it. Little
Thelma Evans a bride.

You're gonna be
so happy together.

Marrying a rich,
handsome football player.

Why couldn't it happen to me?

Oh, Willona, I'll throw the
wedding bouquet to you.

Forget the wedding bouquet,
honey. Throw me a football player.

Well, I shouldn't be upset...

because my ex, Roger
the Dodger, and I,

we had a fantastic
wedding, I tell ya.

Honey, I walked down the
aisle with my peau de soir silk,

and six bridesmaids threw rose
petals as I stepped down the aisle.

It was a beautiful wedding.

Only thing that spoiled
it was the marriage.

Well, it won't be that
way with Keith and me.

Sure, honey. You won't have
the trouble I had with my man.

Now, Roger was not a football
player, but he sure played the field.

Come here, Gramps. Let me show
you a picture of this dude right here.

Look at that. Ooh!

Ain't he handsome, honey?
He smokes. He is so fine.

There ought to be a warning behind
his name: "hazardous to your health."

Ooh, but he was so good to me.

And then he was good to the
cocktail waitress, a meter maid,

and he was very
good to the Avon lady.

They rang each other's chimes.

And would you believe,
the day we were splittin',

he followed a black
dress for 10 minutes...

before he realized it was
the judge that was divorcin' us.

Willona, you lyin'!
You've gotta be lyin'!

[Chattering]

[Clears Throat]

I'm home!

Oh, Ma!

Oh, my babies! My babies.

Flo! Flo!

Willona! Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. My babies.

♪♪ [Piano]

♪♪ [Humming]

♪ Just lookin' out
of the window ♪

♪ Watchin' the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how it all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪♪