Good Times (1974–1979): Season 4, Episode 23 - Love Has a Spot on His Lung: Part 1 - full transcript

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time You need a friend ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Any time you're
Out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪



♪ Easy credit Rip-offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' And survivin' ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in A chow line ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪

Hey, everybody.

Have I got news for you.

Oh, yeah?

What is it, Willona?

The boutique is taking
on a line of men's clothes.

Oh, yeah, and they look
good on you, Willona.



This ain't no man's suit.

This is what the
career lady is wearing.

Well...

if that's what the
career lady is wearing,

I'm looking forward to seeing
John Wayne in a miniskirt.

This is for you, J.J.,
from the new men's line.

Go try it on. You
look great in clothes.

Yeah, 'cause he's built
just like a coat hanger.

Thelma... now, you
know that's not true.

Thank you, Miguel.

A coat hanger has
broader shoulders.

Come on and sit down, Willona,

and catch me up
on what's happening.

Oh, you mean you haven't
heard any of the gossip?

No.

I've been so busy,

and what with the painters
coming in tomorrow,

I just haven't had time
to keep up with things.

Well, get your head
set for an ear trip,

and find out what's
been happening to whom

and when and where and how.

Okay.

Now, first thing
on the agenda...

you remember, uh, Jack Engleson?

Mm-hmm.

Well, honey, he is
fooling around with...

Evelyn Harris.

And to get even, Lily
has been running around...

Arthur Carr.

Now, when Jack found
out about Lily and Arthur,

he left Evelyn Harris and...

And took up with
Arthur Carr's wife, Sara.

Right.

Now, Lily was not going
to take this lying down,

so do you know what she did?

How should I know?

You're the one
with all the gossip.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

I'll get it.

Hi, Carl.

Hi, Michael. Thelma.

Hello, Carl.

Florida.

Hi, Willona. Hi.

What brings you here
in the middle of the day?

Oh, I thought, if
you didn't mind,

I'd take, uh, Thelma,
Michael and J.J. out

for a little lunch
and for a little talk.

Uh, uh, who is minding
the store, honey?

Oh, I closed it for
a couple of hours.

Oh, you closed it, eh?

Oh, I just love
going out for lunch.

Ma, can we go? Please?

Of course.

Carl, where are we going?

Do you know the Pump Room?

You mean, we're going
to the Pump Room!

Pump Room. All right.

Almost.

You have to pass
by the Pump Room

to get to the Burger Pit.

Oh, Carl!

Hey, J.J., come on out.

Carl's gonna take
us out to lunch.

Coming!

[CLEARS THROAT]

From Willona's boutique,
the look that is unique.

It's unique

'cause it's being
worn by a freak.

J.J.

Man, you look like
a giant Tootsie Roll

wrapped up in cellophane.

Michael, this is what's known

as "truth in advertising."

What you see... is what you get.

Well, I hope I don't catch it.

Carl, you're not really

gonna take that
to lunch, are you?

Thelma, hold it, honey.

This is the latest
in high fashion.

Well, you've got to be high
to wear something like that.

You know, J.J.,

I saw something like that once
when I was stationed in Paris.

See?

It was in a very
fancy part of Paris.

See, Flo? I told you, honey.

I told you.

It was on one of those streets

where all of the
designers have their shops.

[FRENCH ACCENT]
Nothing but the very best.

It was in "ze garbage."

Who asked you?

J.J., you better change
if you're going to lunch.

I guess you're right, Ma.

If I wore this outfit,

I'd put the hamburgers to shame.

Not with those buns, you won't.

Hey, Carl, what is it
you wanted to talk about?

Oh, uh... it'll keep
until we're alone.

Well, you know,

since Thelma's gonna be there,

we won't be doing any man talk.

Oh?

Now, what kind of man talk

goes on down at the shop?

Well, the usual.

You know, like
basketball, football...

and sex.

Are you telling
Michael about sex?

Certainly not.

Michael tells me about sex.

Well, Carl,

what are you being
so mysterious about?

I'm not being "so mysterious."

There's no secret here.

I've got nothing to hide.

Okay, then what do you
want to talk to the kids about?

It is none of your business.

Oh, Carl, don't be such a tease.

Okay. Okay.

You forced me.

I have no other
choice but to tell you.

Now, here's what it is.

Oh, w-w-wait a second.

I'm gonna have to
swear you to secrecy.

Oh, hey...

Willona, Florida,
raise your hands.

Oh, that's silly. Ridiculous.

Come on, come on.

Oh, all right. Here, here, here.

Willona, knowing you,

you'd better raise both hands.

All right.

Repeat after me:

I hereby solemnly promise.

BOTH: I hereby solemnly promise.

That I will not repeat one word.

That I will not repeat one word.

[HIGH VOICE] Of
what I hear today.

Of what I hear today.

Keep your hands up.

Oh, really. Come on, now.

Here's what it is.

Now, come closer.

I'm taking the kids
to lunch... Yeah.

Because... it's lunchtime.

Time to go?

Let's split.

Okay.

See you later, Willona and Mom.

Have a good lunch.

Oh, go on.

[CHUCKLING]

Willona, I think we've been had.

Bingo.

What do you suppose

he really wants to
talk to the kids about?

You mean you haven't
figured that out yet?

Figured out what?

Oh, well, I'll give
you a little hint.

[HUMS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE"]

Oh, that's a catchy tune.

I'll give you one more hint.

Something old, something new,

something borrowed...

Carl's gonna talk
about our furniture.

Oh... Now, you
know perfectly well

what Carl is gonna talk about.

He wants to talk to the kids

about you and him,
and him and you,

and marriage.

How can you say that?

The signs have been
out there for weeks.

The signs? Mm-hmm.

Carl hasn't shown me any signs.

Not from him, honey. From you.

From me? Mm-hmm.

That's not so.

Then what about you inviting him

to all those candlelight
ham-hock dinners?

I was just helping the
president save on electricity.

Mm-hmm.

And what about
you sitting through

the entire Chicago Bulls
game, including overtime?

Somebody's gotta watch 'em.

And what about you
raising your hemline?

Oh, I did not raise my hemline.

Then you lowered your knees.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Willona... Huh?

You think that's
really what it's about?

Oh, yeah.

The way you two
have been acting,

of course that's what it is.

This is just so sudden.

No, it isn't.

Flo, listen...

you're an attractive,
intelligent woman.

You got a whole
lot to offer Carl.

And he's a good-looking man,

owns his own business.

He'd make a fantastic catch.

And if you really
don't want him, honey,

pass him over.

Oh... Willona.

Flo, do you like the man?

Of course I do.

Do you like him a lot?

You know I do.

Flo... do you love the man?

Oh, I knew it.

Oh, Flo.

Oh, girl, you don't
know how lucky you are.

You know, most of us
get one shot at happiness,

and you got two.

And I can't think of a person

that deserves it more.

Oh, thank you, Willona.

Oh, Flo, what have you
got your fingers crossed for?

One, that you're right.

And two, that Carl don't put
any onions on his hamburger.

You know, Carl, um...

you know, you're on
your third hamburger,

and you still haven't told us

what you wanted
to talk to us about.

Oh, I haven't, huh?

No.

Okay, kids.

Now, here's what
I have to tell you.

It's the most important
thing I've ever said in my life.

Uh, Carl, could you
pass the ketchup?

Now, you know
how I feel about you,

and I suppose you suspect
how I feel about your mother.

Uh, gotcha. Could I get
some of them onions, Carl?

Thank you, bro, man.

Okay, kids, now,
what I have to say

and how you accept it

can change the course
of our lives forever.

Uh, Carl, could I
get those pickles?

Yeah, yeah.

Now... it...

It... It's important
that you listen...

That you listen closely.

Are you gonna eat that tomato?

Ohh! Thank you, brother.

Look, now, this...

This isn't easy for me to say.

Uh, Michael, you
gonna eat that lettuce?

J.J., why don't you... Kids!

I love your mother
and I want to marry her!

You want to marry... Oh, wow.

That is great!

Hey, all right, Carl.

Hey, J.J., did you hear
what Carl just said?

Yeah, I heard that.

And when I finish
this hamburger,

you're gonna hear
me say... dyn-o-mite!

Dyn-o-mite!

All right! Whoa.

Look what I bought her.

This diamond is beautiful!

That is bad!

Let the appraiser
check this thing out.

Mm-hmm. Let me see.

Oh, no. no, no, no.

That ain't no diamond.

That there is a ruby.

Okay.

Okay, kids.

Now, I have one stop to make,

but I'll be by the
house around 7:00.

And if you dare tip
anything to your mother,

I'll burn your butts.

Uh, wait a minute, Carl.

She didn't say "I do,"

and until she does, our
butts belong to Mama.

We're gonna invite

Aunt Isabel, Cousin Paul,

and Great-Uncle
LeMar. Hold on, J.J.

Great-Uncle LeMar's been
dead for over two years.

In that case, we
won't seat him up front.

Wait a minute.

Now, we have 114 people
coming to this wedding,

and Carl has not made
this thing official yet, now.

FLORIDA: Children.

What time is it?

Uh, two minutes to Carl.

What? 7:00, Ma.

He means two minutes to
7:00. Oh, I better get Willona.

Hey, Ma, where you going?

Where you going?

Well, Willona and I are
going to a movie. Uh...

you can't go.

And why can't we go?

Uh, 'cause, see,

you already saw the picture.

[CHUCKLES]

J.J., this is nonsense.

We're going to see King Kong.

Uh-uh, Ma. You can't go,

because you have to prepare

for the painters tomorrow.

They're coming, right? You know?

Thelma, what do I have to
do to prepare for the painters?

Uh, you got to scrub the walls.

You don't want
the painters to think

that you're a
sloppy housekeeper.

Flo, what is keeping you?

The line's gonna
be around the corner.

No, no, no, Mom.
It is cold outside.

Yeah. Come on in
here. Sit down. Sit down.

J.J.! Sit down,
Ma. Sit down, Ma.

Oh, now, wait a
second... What is it?

Now, I'm gonna tell y'all

the story of King Kong

and save you all the
$3.50 admission price.

Hey. Here's your popcorn.

Now, dig this.

Monkey meets girl,
monkey loses girl,

monkey goes to
America, finds girl again.

Monkey loses girl,
monkey finds girl.

Now, you see?

It's just a movie about
the lost and found.

Monkey climbs to
the top of building,

monkey loses girl.

Final score:
helicopters 5, monkey 0.

Everybody sends flowers

except the girl, who
sends a bunch of bananas.

WILLONA: And
now that that's done,

let's go see Rocky, honey.

But, um... [KNOCK AT DOOR]

FLORIDA: Now, who can that be?

Oh, I'll get this.

Oh, Carl, what a
surprise to see you!

Two minutes late, bro.

Carl, I wasn't expecting you.

We were just about to leave.

Florida, I'm glad I
caught you before you left.

I have something
important to say.

[QUIETLY HUMMING
"HERE COMES THE BRIDE"]

Hey, Mom, why don't you
sit down here, and, uh...

Thelma. Wait till
Carl, you know,

says whatever he
has to say. Yeah, Carl.

Would you like a pillow

so you won't hurt your knee

when you say whatever
it is you have to say?

Uh, whatever it
is Carl has to say,

it should be said in private,

so, uh, Michael,
Willona, Thelma,

I want you in the room here...

Hey, hold it. Hold it!

Come on. Come on, kids!

You calling me "kid"?

That makes all the
difference in the world, honey.

Well, now that we've
gotten rid of the young ones...

THELMA: Hey, you. Get in here.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Florida... Come over
here and sit down.

No, no, I can say what I
have to say standing up.

All right.

Florida... Yes, Carl?

I...

I've been struggling with
myself to be able to say this.

Yes, Carl?

I don't think we should
see each other anymore.

I...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Goodbye.

♪ Here comes the bride
Here comes the bride ♪

Don't act rash, honey.

Don't act rash.

All right, Ma.

When did you set the date?

I got to get some
more handkerchiefs,

'cause, you know, I
always cry at weddings...

especially when they ain't mine.

Hey, where's the bridegroom?

Let me see that ring, Ma.

Let me see, Flo.

Well, where's the ring?

Wait a minute.
Where... Where's Carl?

He left.

He left?

Uh, hold on, Ma.

Don't tell me you
turned him down.

No, Michael.

He turned me down.

Turned you down.

That's a great joke, Ma.

You're always joking.

What a little joker you are.

It's no joke.

He said we...

won't be seeing
each other again.

Well, Flo, he gave you
some kind of explanation.

I mean, he's...
Nothing. Nothing.

Well, he's gonna have to give me

some kind of explanation.

FLORIDA: J. J.,
where are you going?

Ain't no man going to
treat my mama like this

and walk away from it.

J.J., stop that nonsense.

Wait a minute, Ma. I
don't understand this.

You see, at lunchtime today,

he said he was gonna
ask you to marry him.

Yeah, Ma, and we said yes.

That's right.

I was gonna give the bride away,

Michael was gonna
be the best man,

and Thelma was gonna
be the maid of horror.

You know, Ma...
Wait a minute, Ma,

I don't understand all this.

I really don't understand this.

Maybe he's got cold feet.

Cold feet?

After what he did
to your mother,

you could hang meat in here.

Ma, I'm so sorry.

It's all right,
baby. It's all right.

I'm sorry too, Flo.

Here, I'm going with this
"dum, dum, dum-dum."

What a dumdum
I turned out to be.

Look, it really doesn't matter.

It does matter.

I'm gonna handle Carl my way.

J.J... you stay here.

Now, you're not
leaving this house.

But, Ma, the Evans'
family honor is on the line.

If you go after Carl,

your life's gonna
be on the line.

Ma, Carl wouldn't hurt J.J.

No, but I will.

Flo, honey, let's get
some coffee, okay?

Sit down.

I'll even make dinner for you.

You know, relax yourself.

I'll make some pot roast.

I'll make something
for you to eat.

What do you all
think you're doing?

I am not a 2-year-old child.

Just look at you.

You're all acting

as if I'm coming
apart at the seams.

I can handle this.

Now, Willona, you and I,

were going to a movie.

Let's go.

Alrighty.

And Thelma, while we're gone,

I want you to make
some egg salad for lunch.

And, J.J., remember what I said.

You stay here and
behave yourself.

And as for you,
Carl, I want you to...

Did I say "Carl"?

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHS HEARTILY]

[SOBS]

Flo...

Well, that's it for me.

J.J., what are you gonna do?

I'm going out and find Carl.

When I get I get my
hands on that sucker,

he's gonna know
he's been in a fight.

Oh, no. No, thanks. No thanks.

Oh, come on, man, I'm buying.

No, no. No thank you.

Look, you don't want
to see me drink alone,

do you?

Well, now, if you
put it like that,

I'll have a little something.

One muscatel coming up.

Not this time.

Make it Scotch.

One Scotch coming up.

With muscatel chaser.

You know, this is
mighty nice of you,

my friend.

Well, you bought the last one.

No, no.

You bought the last one.

In that case, this
is very nice of me.

Psst.

[SHRIEKS]

You are looking

at the Tiffany of the streets.

Gemologist by appointment
to the board of alderman.

Look at my line.

It's really fine.

If you got the
money, I got the time.

So don't dance off to JC Penney

when you can buy great goods

from Sweet Lenny.

No thanks.

Say, brother...

you in the market for anything?

Yeah.

Twenty-five-inch TV set.

TV?

If I'd've know that, I would
have worn my other coat.

J.J.!

Don't sweet-talk me, Carl.

I come to invite you to
Knuckle City, brother.

Come on, have a... Have a drink.

Why, make that another Scotch,

and thank you.

I'm telling you, Carl, get
set for a hassle, brother.

J.J., uh..sit down.

No, stand up and
fight like a man.

No, no, J.J.

Don't fight with him.

He's buying.

J.J., how'd you find me, anyway?

Easy.

I just said to myself,

"Self... if I had done
something to my mama

"like you had done
something to my mama,

where would I hide?"

So you came here.

No. First, I went to
the Pussycat Theater.

Looking for me?

Well, yes and no.

I-I took my dog to the
Pussycat Theater once.

J.J., if you didn't come here

to be sociable, get lost.

Not till I have
my... satisfaction!

My dog was very satisfied
with the Pussycat Theater.

J.J... J.J., have
a beer instead.

No, Carl.

Now, come on.

No man treats my mama like
that and walks away from it.

J.J... I'm not a
fighter, I'm a drinker.

Come on, Carl!

All right.

I don't want to have to do this,

but you are interfering
with my drinking.

Just want to give
you a warning, Carl:

These fists are
registered with the police

as lethal weapons.

Say, say, my dog was registered
with the police department.

He got busted in a raid
at the Pussycat Theater.

J.J.: I am the greatest!

I float like a butterfly,
sting like a bee.

You'll be on the ground

before I can count to... three!

You had enough?

Yeah.

Well... in that case,

now maybe you'll
give me an explanation.

All right, I have
to think about it.

Either that or we tangle again.

We what?

We tangle again.

I need a drink first.

Bartender, a double.

And I think you'd
better have one too.

Oh, uh... about your mama...

When I was in
the basic training...

I had a very rough experience.

Yeah, I heard about the food

they serve you guys.

No, no, no. W-w-what
I mean is, uh...

during the war in
Korea, I-I was wounded.

I thought you said

it was still in basic training.

Well, w-w-whatever.
Whatever. Uh...

I was wounded...

[QUIETLY] in a
very... vital place.

Now, come on, Carl.

I mean, you got both your arms

and your legs.

You can see.

I mean, what kind of wound

could be that serious

that could affect
your relationship

with my mother?

Ohh.

When I saw you
kids this afternoon,

I thought I could
deal with it, but, uh...

then I decided

it wouldn't be fair
to your mother.

I see what you mean.

We'll, uh...

We'll keep this to
ourselves, okay?

You got it, bro.

Say, J.J... would
you do me a favor?

Yeah, Ned.

Would you walk me to the corner

and point me in the direction

of the S & B Bakery.

You see, they keep
them ovens going

all night long.

Makes good, warm
sleeping in the alley.

You got it, Ned.

Uh, Carl, don't go anywhere.

I'll be right back.

Bartender, another
round for everybody.

Oh, well, now, in that case,

I'll just hang around...

Uh, not right now, Ned.

You'd better go.

Otherwise, somebody might

take your spot in the alley.

Aw, J.J...

Hey, Carl.

What kind of jive deal

were you laying on that kid?

Now, I've known
you a lot of years,

and you were never wounded.

Yep.

But it sure as hell beats
telling him the truth.

What truth?

Well, I...

went to the doctor
this afternoon...

and he really laid one on me.

Cancer.

♪ Mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good times ♪

ANNOUNCER: Good Times is
videotaped in front of a studio audience.

♪ Good times ♪♪