Good Times (1974–1979): Season 3, Episode 5 - Florida's Rich Cousin - full transcript

♪ Good times Any time
you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times Any
time you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times Any time
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit
rip-offs Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and
survivin' Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow
line Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪



♪ Good times ♪♪

Hey, J.J.

Seems like you've been staring

at that canvas for over an hour.

What's the matter,
you can't get started?

I'll tell you, Michael,
there's just no inspiration.

It'll come.

You know, painting just
doesn't come from the hands.

It's gotta come from... up here.

No wonder the canvas is empty.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I would paint your face,

but I don't feel like
painting a dill pickle today.

Then why don't you
paint your own face



and call it "The
Birth of a Chicken"?

The birth of a chicken,
you little turkey face!

All right, children. All right!

I ain't heard so much noise
since Gertie Vincent's parrot

got sucked into
the vacuum cleaner.

Listen, the mood your
father has been in lately,

you'd better not be
fighting when he comes in.

That's for sure.

Daddy sure has been grouchy.

Last night, he yelled at
me for a whole half an hour.

Don't complain.

He yelled at me
for a half hour too.

Well, the problem is

you kids don't know
how to handle Dad.

You see, he hasn't
yelled at me all week.

Oh, what's the secret, honey?

The secret is, he hasn't
spoken to me all week!

I tell you, it ain't been
easy sleeping with him.

That man snores angry.

Honey, it don't
surprise me none.

I met him in the
elevator this morning.

I said, "Good morning, James."

He said, "Huh."

I said, "Nice day, huh,
James?" He said, "Huh."

So I figured if you
can't beat him, join him,

so I said, "Hmm-hmm."

He said, "Well, don't go
telling me your troubles,"

and walked away.

Well, we're just gonna
have to bear with him.

We all know he's not
been himself lately.

Mama... I think I know

what the problem with Daddy is.

I think he's going
through male menopause.

Michael, that's not so,

and where did you
pick that up from?

In a magazine.

It said that a man goes
through the same changes

as a woman does.

He gets bad-tempered
and turns on his family,

but the family has
to be patient with him,

try to understand him,

and hide behind Mama
when he comes home.

Michael, your daddy has
been under strain lately,

that's all.

But you're right
about one thing.

If you kids really wanna help,

you'll try to do
something nice for him.

Hey, Ma, that's a great idea,

and I got just the thing.

Thelma, why don't you
run away from home?

Well, I got a better idea.

Why don't you stay here

and all the rest of
us will run away?

Daddy was fine
until you came home

with that $325 dentist bill!

Whoo, child, $325?

You could've bought a
whole lot of chicken wings

with that.

I'm sure our dentist will.

Hey, Ma... You
know what I think?

I think this is highway robbery.

I don't think we
should pay this bill.

I mean, what kind of dentist

charges $325 for
a mere 12 cavities?

Twelve cavities?

Honey, what you been
brushing your teeth with,

hot-fudge sundae?

Well, there's no
use crying about it.

The bill has got to be paid.

Well, maybe we
could hawk Thelma,

that would be good
for some small...

pocket change.

You think you got
holes in your teeth?

Well, what about the one in
that pointed head of yours?

You got some nerve,
you guacamole dip...

I don't wanna hear that.

I am sick and tired of
coming home every night

to a dog fight.

Just to make sure it
don't happen again,

both of you are
grounded for a month.

A whole month?

Aw, Daddy, I got
dates and plans and...

Oh, Thelma, how
selfish can you get?

Now, Dad, I'm not
speaking for me.

I'm speaking for all
those chicks out there.

I mean, they gonna be uptight

if they have to go a
whole month without Kid...

Dy-no-mite!

You heard me, junior,
you're grounded for a month.

I'll see you all later.

And you, Michael... Yes, Daddy?

Don't give me none
of your disrespect.

You're grounded for a month too.

A month?

I'm not even old enough
to go out at night yet!

James, don't you think

you're being a little
hard on the children?

James, come on,
give them a break...

Aw, you're grounded too.

Me, grounded? I
don't even live here.

Well, thank you
for small favors.

Well, I'd better
not get into that,

or else I'll be grounded too.

Well, that just
about does it, James.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna take my groceries
and go on to my own house...

and I ain't gonna
never come back

to this house no more.

Until tomorrow.

You got that right.

Michael, honey, set
the table for me. Okay.

Thelma, will you
help me with dinner?

I'm running a little
late. Sure, Ma.

Hey, Dad!

Uh, let me help you with that.

Junior, don't be grinning at me

with them $325 teeth.

Uh, let me help
you with that, Dad.

Twelve cavities.

James, honey,

there is absolutely nothing
we can do about it now.

Nothing except pay
the $325 for his teeth.

Boy, if there ain't
something stupid

coming out of his mouth,

there's something
expensive going into it.

In addition to the
$325 for his teeth,

I still ain't paid off the bills

on that gall-bladder
operation of yours yet.

Honey, I'm sorry
about the gallstones.

Oh, baby, don't worry about it.

Oh, it's just that I'm
tired of living like this.

I mean, always behind.

Don't it bother you?

Well, somehow,

I just know we gonna
make ends meet.

Yeah, well, I already
reached my end.

Daddy, you always say that,

but yet you come back fighting.

You're the greatest.
That's why we love you.

I love you too, son.

Good. Now, can you please
take me off your grounded list?

Whoo, I'm just jivin', Daddy.

James, honey,
there really is no need

to get so upset.

We agreed last night

we'd ask Betty and
Edgar for the money.

Hey!

That's a great idea!

Ma's rich cousins
come through again,

saved by the bell.

You know something, junior?

You keep popping them chops,
you gonna be out for the count.

J.J...

Edgar has been an
architect for a long time,

and he is comfortable,
but they not rich.

James, can I ask... Florida...

I been thinking about it,

and it's been sticking
in my craw all day.

I ain't gonna ask your
cousin for the money.

Why not? We borrowed
from them before,

and we paid them
back every cent.

I know that, Florida,

but we ain't never hit them up

for this kind of money before.

I mean, it was always
$50 here, or $100 there,

but now between everything,
we talking about $500.

Five hundred, Florida!

Oh, Edgar don't mind,
and he's always so nice.

Yeah. That's the part I hate.

Where he get off being so nice?

Loan sharks ain't
nice. Bankers ain't nice.

James, what is
wrong with being nice?

It just ain't natural.

Boy, every time
you borrow from him,

he always got that
smile on his face.

You get behind in your payments,
he don't never hound you.

He even have the nerve to
ask, "Do you need some more?"

Why can't I borrow from a
louse like everybody else?

Well, we've got to get the
money somehow, James.

Well, Florida, I ain't
going to the well no more.

I mean, we borrowed from
Edgar when we first got married,

and we still borrowing from him.

That means we ain't
moved one inch in 20 years.

That's not true, James.

We have a lot of things now

that we didn't
have 20 years ago.

Yeah? Name one
thing. Well... Me!

Uh... moving on.

In case you've forgotten, James,

we used to live in a
crummy one-room apartment.

Yeah, you got me there.

Now we live in a crummy
three-room apartment.

We managed to raise a family,

a beautiful family.

All right, so we got a family.

I'm just thinking a man my age

ought to have more
to show for it than that.

You know what I'm
gonna leave the world

when I go, Florida?

A tombstone that reads:

"Here lies James Evans,
back in the hole again."

Oh, now, honey, you're
just upset, that's all.

You know, lately,

you've been putting
in some long hours.

Yeah, you're right,
baby. I'm tired too.

I think I'm gonna go lay
down until dinner is ready.

I feel another one of them
headaches coming on.

Hey, Dad, what
kind of headache is it,

an Aspirin headache
or Excedrin headache?

What's the
difference, Dr. Cavity?

Uh, just trying to
inject a little humor.

Well, you got the
body for injecting.

You're built just like
a hypodermic needle.

You got some nerve,
you old alcohol face.

I don't wanna hear that!

All right, all right, children!

Mama, you sure the
problem with Daddy

is not male menopause?

Yes, dear, I am sure.

Now, what's wrong
with your Daddy

is something called male pride,

and it ain't gonna get no better

when I tell him
what I gotta tell him.

What's that, Ma?

Well, we still need
that money very badly,

and I have asked Edgar and Betty

to come over for dinner tonight.

Oh, Ma, Daddy's
not gonna like that.

Yeah, that's like saying,
"Everybody, in the water,"

when you know
the shark is offshore.

Well, it's my doing, and
it's up to me to tell him,

and I might as well get
it over with right now.

Uh, Ma?

Yes, J.J.

Uh, we know that Dad's
in a bad mood... Yes.

And what you're gonna tell him

is only gonna
add fuel to the fire,

so I feel, as the eldest
child in the family,

it is my job to help you out

of this delicate situation.

Ma... Yes, honey.

Good luck!

J.J., go away.

Is your headache
any better, honey?

Nope.

Can you I get you a cold
compress for your head?

Nope.

How about a nice hot
cup of tea with lemon?

Nope.

Is that all you've
got to say, "Nope"?

Yup.

James... Huh?

I got something to tell you.

Yeah?

You gonna like dinner tonight.

We've got pork chops.

Pork chops?

Florida, how we
gonna afford pork chops

with the mess we in?

Well, um, they
had a sale on them.

Yeah? What kind of sale?

Well, instead of being
awfully expensive,

they were just very expensive.

And I wanted to have
a nice dinner tonight

with, um, well...

with Betty and
Edgar coming over.

Well, go ahead
and have a nice...

Betty and Edgar!

How you gonna
have them over here

without checking with me first?

Well, I thought it
was a good idea.

Yeah, well, just
forget it, Florida,

because I ain't asking your
cousin for no more money.

Oh, James, I've already
invited them over.

What can I do?

Give them each
an extra pork chop,

because I ain't gonna be here.

Oh, James, that's not right.

James.

James, where are you going?

Out. Where out?

Out-out.

Well, when will you be back?

When I get back.

James...

Hey, Mama, Daddy left his keys!

It don't matter, Michael.
He just broke the lock.

Bob Reeve was telling
me the same thing, man.

I don't know, man.

I mean, I like
Edgar and all that,

but how am I gonna
ask the cat for $500?

Now, give me
another beer, will you?

This is your third, James.

Two's usually it for you, man.

I don't know, man.

I mean, I need the money,
but I got to keep my pride.

I gave up my pride

the day I bought season
tickets to the Bears.

You think a city
the size of Chicago

would have a
decent football team.

Tell me something.

What do you have to do
to get ahead in this world?

I'm tired of being a loser.

So are the Bears,
and the White Sox,

and the Cubs.

This town is full of losers.

If we had a city lottery,
everyone would lose.

Nigga, do I know you?

Let's keep the that way, huh?

See, Randy, the
way I figure it is

if I could just
borrow, say... I got...

I got a riddle for you.

What has two eyes,
two legs, and no arms?

Every quarterback
the Bears every had.

Get it?

Listen, man, I'm
gonna hate myself

whether I borrow
the money or not.

Randy, tell me something.

I mean, if you were in my shoes,

would you ask
them for the money?

Hey... Ever seen the
White Sox play baseball?

No!

Neither have I,

and I went to every
home game this season!

I know what I'm gonna do.

I am tired of crawling
to people for money.

Every time I ask
Edgar for a dime,

he just lays that smile on me.

I'm gonna wipe that
smile off his face,

because I'm gonna tell him

exactly what he can
do with his money.

Man, I'm glad he
split. What a pest!

I wish I knew where
your father went.

Oh, Mama, don't worry.

Daddy will be
back before dinner.

Oh, I hope you're right, honey,

but there isn't much time.

Well, if he's not back on time,

I can always hit on
Edgar for the money.

You?

That's right, and I know
exactly how to handle it,

with diplomacy and finesse.

I got the perfect
plan all worked out.

It's logical, rational,
and, above all, low-key.

What's your plan, J.J.?

Get him bombed!

Yeah, I'll stick so
much drink down Edgar,

he'll have to sleep
on a wine rack.

J.J., don't be silly,

you know cousin Edgar
always helps us out

whenever we needed it.

Oh, my goodness,

I bet that's Edgar
and Betty now.

Florida!

Oh, Betty, hello.

Hey, cuz!

Oh, cousin Edgar.

Thelma!

Oh, honey, hi.

Michael, look at you.
Hi, son. How are you?

Hey, cousin Edgar!
Have some wine here.

J.J.

Now, you know
Edgar doesn't drink.

Oh, come on, Florida,
there's nothing wrong

with a little nip on
a special occasion.

Let me freshen that up
for you, cousin Edgar.

Thelma, I swear you get prettier

every time I see you.

Thank you.

And, Michael!

Hi, cousin Betty.

Well, don't I get a
kiss, young man?

Oh, yeah.

That's better.

You're so big!

Yeah. Oh!

J.J., this is very good wine.

Aw, nothing but the best
for you, cousin Edgar,

from our private French stock.

We call it "Chateau Muscatel".

Oh, no, no, no, hold it now.

I've only had a sip out of this.

Oh, this is not the sipping
kind of wine, though,

cousin Edgar.

You chug it!

That's enough, J.J.

Now, why don't we
all just sit down...

Hey, Florida, now,
where's James?

Oh, he had to go...
Yeah, he went to...

He'll be right back.

I hope so.

I haven't seen
you all in so long.

He'll be back. He
said he would...

Well, he said it
wouldn't take him

any longer than, um...

Oh, my God, what am I doing?

You're family.

I don't have to make
up a story for you.

Now, the truth is,

we're having some
bad money problems,

and I suggested that we
get the money from you.

But you know James.

He didn't think we should
borrow from you again,

so we had a fight, and...

I don't know where he went.

Florida, you know we're
always happy to help out,

but we have to
think of James too,

and if he doesn't want
the money from us,

well, maybe that's best.

Well, I mean, a man's
pride is important.

So are 12 cavities.

We shouldn't offer him
money if he doesn't want us to.

No, as a matter of fact,

I don't think we should talk
about money at all tonight.

Have another glass
of wine, cousin Edgar.

J.J..

I don't mind if I do, son.

Look, Florida,

you've been right
out front with us.

I think it's time to be
right out front with you.

Betty, please, not now.

I don't see any
harm in it, Edgar.

We'd love to give you
the money, Florida,

but we just don't have
it to give right now.

Edgar lost his job.

He hasn't worked in
over three months now.

Three months?

Well, the bar is now closed.

Edgar, I am sorry to hear that.

You have 20 years
with that company.

Oh, that just isn't fair.

I bet the only reason
why they fired you

is because you're black.

Well, if they did, Michael,

they fired six other guys
because they're white.

Now, Betty, can we drop it?

Edgar, Betty...

I didn't mean to
add to your problems

by asking for the loan.

We'll manage.

So why don't we just sit down

and have a nice,
pleasant visit...

James, I'm so glad you're here.

Oh, James! Hey, buddy.

How you doing? Yeah, yeah.

Look here, Edgar,

I've been doing
a lot of thinking.

I may be in a $500 hole,

but I ain't borrowing
one more dime from you.

James, Edgar doesn't have...

Edgar ain't got the
right to come in here

and make me think I can't afford

to provide for my family.

James, will you
please listen to me?

Edgar, I don't care how
much money you got,

I ain't borrowing
no more from you.

James, he's broke.

Say what?

Edgar lost his job. Yeah, Dad,

you yelling at the goose
that's run out of golden eggs.

Well, ain't that a blip?

Cousin Edgar has
been out of work

for three months, Daddy.

Huh.

And the politicians say they
there ain't no depression.

That's because they
the only ones working.

Well, one good thing, Edgar,

you came to the
depression experts.

We was having a depression
when things was good.

Oh, look, you don't understand,

we're not that... Betty.

Yeah, we used every
trick in the world to get by.

You all ought to see the budget

Florida has to feed us on.

It ain't enough to make
a flea let out his belt.

But what I'm trying to tell you

is that Edgar doesn't...

Now, I told you to drop it.

Yeah, Mama, you so
good at saving money,

I bet you can teach
President Ford

how to balance the
country's budget.

That's right, Michael,

I'm gonna tell the president
to do the same thing I do,

make sacrifices,
watch your pennies,

and buy neck bones.

Yeah, we do what
we have to to get by.

Well, thanks for the
pep talk, everybody,

but we're really
not that bad off.

Oh, Betty, for
God's sakes. Please.

Honey, I don't know
why you're so worried.

We're doing fine.

Edgar has been out on interviews

and has a lot of
prospects for jobs.

They value a man
with his experience.

Why, it's just a matter
of picking the best offer.

Well, well, well!

Then the bar is now open again.

It stands to reason
a man like Edgar

shouldn't be out
of work too long.

Oh, he won't have any problem,

no problem at all.

Right, dear?

Wrong, dear, dead wrong.

I don't understand.

I didn't want to talk about it,

but if you want me to tell it
to you in front of the family

in front of the
whole world, all right.

I don't have any prospects.

But you told me at
those interviews, they...

They, they... Yeah, well,

they all have the same line.

"We're sorry, Mr. Edwards,

"there's nothing for you today,

nothing around."

If there is anything around,

you think they're gonna call me?

A man of my age,

with all those kids
fresh out of college

just begging for jobs,
working at half my price.

Honey, I didn't know...

No, no, no, you
wanted to hear it.

Why don't you just
sit quiet and hear it all.

When I tell them
I'll work for less,

they run and hide
behind the big, fat desk.

They think I'm too ready
to collect a pension,

so now I'm down to,
maybe, one interview a week.

But you get dressed

and leave the house every day.

What do you do with yourself?

Hah, what do I do with myself?

I go to a movie, and
I watch it five times.

You know what it's like

walking out of a theater
4:30 in the afternoon,

knowing you should
have been at work?

You hold your coat collar up

and pray that you don't
meet anybody you know.

Edgar, I mean, a man
with your education...

Yeah, sure.

I can't even get a
job at a car wash.

I'm too educated
for a good hot wax.

Honey, I can get a job.

I know I can.

Sure, you can.

Then maybe we
can pay the gas bill,

the electric bill...

We have got a mortgage,
a car, a kid in college.

We're just in too
deep. I can't make it.

What's happening to me
now is there's no tomorrow.

Florida I'm sorry, I got
no stomach for supper.

Some other time.

I'm sorry, Florida.

I'm sorry, James.

We'll manage. I
know, I know, I know.

I know you will.

It'll be all right.

Oh, Florida.

Ma, what do you think
will happen to them?

Oh, Edgar is having
a little trouble now,

but I'm sure he'll bounce back.

You know something, Florida.

I been thinking about
what I said earlier.

You know, about not having
moved an inch in 20 years...

Yeah, James.

You know we may have been
living in the basement all our lives,

and Edgar may have
been living in the penthouse,

but it's sure a shorter
drop from the basement.

Yeah.

You know, baby,
just for once in my life,

I'd like to get up on
top of that penthouse.

I mean, maybe I'd fall
and maybe I wouldn't,

but it sure would be nice

to be up there for a
while just... teetering.

Good morning, J.J.

Good morning, Ma.

Did you brush your teeth
real good this morning?

Sure did.

And have you been
brushing them every night

before you go to bed?

Sure thing!

You're not eating any sweets?

No, Ma, I'm really watching it.

What picture are
you painting today?

Something I'm gonna
frame and hang up.

♪ Mm, mm ♪

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪

Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪