Good Times (1974–1979): Season 3, Episode 20 - The Investigation - full transcript

♪ Good times Any time
you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good times Any
time you need a friend ♪

♪ Good times Any time
you're out from under ♪

♪ Not gettin' hassled
Not gettin' hustled ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪

♪ Easy credit
rip-offs Good times ♪

♪ Scratchin' and
survivin' Good times ♪

♪ Hangin' in a chow
line Good times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪



♪ Good times ♪♪

Ooh.

Just set it down
anywhere, Wanda...

and thanks for your help.

Florida, when you do
laundry, you do laundry.

Well, they're mostly
James' clothes.

You know, in his kind of work,

he not only got ring
around the collar.

He got ring around everything.

Yeah, and J.J.'s long
johns ain't easy to do either.

Hey, you know...

they look more
filled without him

than they do with him.

Well...



if James gets this
job as foreman,

I'm gonna do like the rich
folks and send my laundry out.

Whoo!

If you do, send
them out to me...

because I want to feel
like the rich folks too.

Oh, any news about
James' promotion?

No, but we're just keeping

our fingers crossed.

Well, don't worry about it.

I know it's gonna
turn out all right.

I had a dream last night
that James got the job,

and you all moved
out to Lakeshore Drive.

Mm-hmm.

And you were driving
down in this fancy car...

Mm-hmm.

And I was hitchhiking a ride,

and you just drove
right on past me.

And you didn't
even give me a lift.

Now, that's a fine
way to treat a neighbor.

Was that car a Cadillac?

Yes.

Then that wasn't me.

In my dreams, I'm
driving a Rolls Royce.

Well, good. Now
we're friends again.

Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful

if James gets that promotion.

You know,

there's a three-bedroom
apartment downstairs

that's vacant,

and we just might
be able to afford it.

Oh, think of it,
Wanda, two bathrooms!

Yeah, if you had a gas pump,

then you could open
a service station.

Oh, it sure would be good

if Michael and J.J. could have

their own bedroom. Mm-hmm.

They been sleeping
in the same bed

for 14 years.

Well, most kids have
their cuddly Teddy bears

to sleep with, but poor Michael,

all he's ever slept
with is a shank bone.

Oh!

Hi, J.J.

Hi, tiger.

Hi, Wanda. Hi, Ma.

J.J., what's wrong?

Ma, today hasn't been a good day

in the chicken-delivering
business.

Well, what happened?
Somebody rip off the coleslaw?

No, worse than
that. I lost my job.

You lost your job?

Oh, honey, what happened?

What, did they catch
you finger licking again?

No. The boss said
he had to cut down.

The chicken business
is chickening out.

Tomorrow's my last day.
I got to turn in my bird.

Oh, J.J., that's a shame.

Yeah, I don't know what
I'm gonna do without her.

I mean, every time I
said, "yes," she said yes.

Every time I said,
"no," she said, "no."

Oh, Ma, I still don't
know why they fired me.

I was their top delivery man.

Every time I brought an order,

I made sure I had the
biscuits, the napkins,

the honey, the plastic forks,

and always had that little
side of barbecue sauce.

Oh, boy, whenever
I left, I always said,

"Bon appetit, and don't
choke on the neck bone."

I care.

That's too bad, J.J.,

but you said business was slow.

Yeah, Ma, but I had seniority.

I mean, I was there
almost four months.

I was the Dean of Legs.

Cheer up, J.J., you still
have your art school at night.

You'll find another job.

Oh, no, Wanda,
it ain't that easy.

I feel like the world
has passed me by.

I feel as useless as a pet rock.

Hang in there, pet rock.

This is the year
of the bicentennial,

and we're gonna celebrate

100 years of freedom.

A hundred years? I
thought it was 200.

Oh, it's 200 for them.

A hundred for us.

Oh, Ma, I really feel down
about this whole thing.

Say... do you think a
homemade sweet potato pie

can lift your spirits?

Could be.

Well, it's in the ice box.

Hey, I may be unemployed,
but my stomach's still working.

J.J., where did this come from?

Where did what come from?

This pamphlet:

"The Glorious Cuban Revolution."

Cuba?

Ain't that where they
had the Bay of Pigs?

Oh, Ma, don't be bringing
up pigs to me now.

I got enough
trouble with chickens.

J.J., I'm not joking.

This is all about how wonderful

everything is in
Cuba right now...

and how happy the
Cuban people are,

and it's full of
pictures of Castro

and stuff about his philosophy.

Does this belong to you?

Are you kidding, Ma?

The only pictures I know about

are the ones that fold
out from a centerfold...

And I don't care about
her philosophy at all.

If this doesn't belong to you,

how'd it get in your drawer?

Somebody hid it there.

Who, J.J.?

Maybe Ned the Wino!

Now, J.J., you know Ned
the Wino does not come

into this house.

Yes, he did, Ma,
at Halloween time,

trick or treating for Muscatel.

J.J., I told you,
this is not funny.

Now this pamphlet
didn't get in this house

by itself,

and I want to know who
is into all this Cuban stuff.

Hi.

There she is, Ma,
Mrs. Nikita Kruschev.

What?

All right, gal.

Look at that, Ma.

Guilt written all over her face.

Ma, look at that! Ugly
written all over his.

Ma, what is he talking about?

I found this pamphlet
in the drawer...

Hold on, Ma.

Let's make this
thing perfectly legal.

All right.

You have the right
to remain silent.

You have a right to
see a lawyer... J.J.!

Ma, I know his head
isn't wrapped tight,

but I didn't think the
package fell apart completely.

Now, what is this all about?

I found this
pamphlet about Cuba.

That couldn't be yours
by any chance, could it?

That's ridiculous.

Does that mean yes or no?

Look, I'm not answering any
more of your dumb questions.

See that, Ma? She just
pleaded the Fifth Amendment.

J.J., stop it.

Yeah, J.J., you're always
shooting off the mouth.

The only trouble is

it keeps growing back
and getting bigger.

Oh yeah?

Well, your mouth's so big,

you've got to rent
extra cheeks to fill it.

That's right, root canal...

I told you both to stop it.

Now that still isn't
answering my question.

If this thing doesn't
belong to either one of you,

who's is it?

Hi, Ma.

What you doing with my pamphlet?

Michael?

This belongs to you?

Yeah, Mama, that's mine.

Boy, little bro, I'm
really ashamed of you,

turning against your country.

After all the
advantages you've had

of living right
here in the ghetto.

J.J.,

I think you've been
painting too long.

The turpentine has
affected your brain.

Michael.

Yeah, Ma?

Why did you hide
this in J.J.'s drawer?

I wasn't hiding it.

I must have put it
there by mistake.

Hey, what are you doing with it?

Some research.

Ah-ha!

Trying to find out where
our missile bases are,

huh?

J.J., I don't know where
our missile bases are,

but I do know where
our main fool base is.

Michael? Yeah?

I'm still waiting
for you to tell me

what you're doing
with this pamphlet?

Our history teacher gave
us an assignment to do

on the Bicentennial,

so I thought I'd compare
the American Revolution

with the Cuban Revolution.

They're a dictatorship
and we're a democracy,

except for a couple of wards

here in Chicago.

Well, thank heavens
that all there was to it.

You know, Mama,

it was real interesting
finding out about Cuba.

Do you know come harvest time,

everybody has to
go out in the field

and cut sugarcane.

Reminds me of when
we had to chop cotton.

Yeah, I know what you mean,

but things have
gotten better for us

in this country.

We have black mayors,
black congressmen,

a black man on
the Supreme Court.

Hey, and maybe even one day,
we might have a black president.

Oh... I don't know
about that, Michael.

Ain't too many
black dudes that ski.

Hey, Michael,

how'd you get this
information on Cuba?

At the library?

No. I wrote to the
Cuban government.

Where'd you get a
Cuban stamp from?

I used an American
stamp, dumb-dumb.

Michael, you
actually wrote to Cuba

and they wrote you back?

Yeah, Ma.

Well, honey, I don't think
that was such a good idea.

What do you mean?

Well, when you wrote to them,

their security people might
have opened the letter,

and when they sent
you this pamphlet,

our security people
may have opened it.

This has become a
world of letter openers.

Everybody is uptight.

Yeah, but a little
kid like Michael,

who'd worry about him?

Wait a minute...

Wait a minute.

That's it!

What's it?

Well, you see, Michael's
last name is Evans,

and by unfortunate coincidence,

he also has an older
brother with the same name.

I bet that's why I lost
my chicken delivering job.

You lost your job?

Ma, J.J. lost his job.

Mm-hmm. Tomorrow
is his last day.

That couldn't be why he lost it.

I wouldn't exactly
call delivering chicken

a security risk.

That shows you how
much you know, little girl.

There's a lot of
places in a chicken

where you could hide microfilm.

Oh, stop being silly.

Look, J.J., you
probably lost that job

because things are slow.

People are losing jobs everyday,

and I think we're
letting our imaginations

run away with us.

Now, if they did find
out about Michael's letter,

can you imagine the
government worrying

about a little school kid
and a chicken deliverer?

Ma's right.

The whole thing
is a coincidence.

James?

You ain't going to
believe what happened.

I tell you, you ain't
going to believe

what happened to me.

You lost your job.

Baby, I'm standing
there working on the dock

and I'm minding my own business,
and I'm working good and all...

Baby, I don't get it.

I mean it. I just don't get it.

I'm doing a good job,

and then, boom, all of
a sudden I'm terminated.

Yeah, Dad, you
ain't the only one.

I've been terminated too.

As a matter of fact,

I think we'd be the
first father and son team

to collect
unemployment insurance.

Maybe they'll give
us a family rate.

Oh, Junior lost his job too?

Will somebody tell me

what is going on around here?

James...

Oh, Florida, I've
been fired before,

but baby, I always
knew the reason why...

Things were slow,
the plant was moving,

or they didn't like
the color of my skin...

But this right out of the blue,

and just when I'm doing a
good job with no explanation.

James, I think I may
know the reason.

Freeze, Michael.

Ma, I've got to go
to the bathroom.

You stay right here.

Oh, Florida,

what's his going to the bathroom

got to do with me losing my job?

Honey, this may be a little hard

for you to believe, but...

Michael here done made pen pals

with Fidel Castro.

Now what's Fidel
Castro got to do with this?

Well, I'm not sure about this,

but I've just got a
feeling that maybe...

Ma, that couldn't be it.

The whole thing is crazy.

It's making me so nervous,

I've really got to
go to the bathroom.

Will somebody please tell me
what is going on around here?

Maybe. Couldn't be. Castro.

James... Michael wrote
an essay for school

comparing the
American Revolution

to the Cuban Revolution.

Yeah?

And he wrote a letter
to Cuba for information.

So Michael wrote to Cuba.

So President Ford has
tea with Mao Tse-tung

and Kissinger has
vodka with Brezhnev

and Lunch Meat Mumford
would eat a Fat Burger

with anybody that comes along.

What the hell has
all that got to do

with me losing my job?

Oh, Daddy, calm down.

Honey, you're going
to break a blood vessel.

I broke a blood vessel

when I found
out that I got fired.

Will somebody in here
please get to the point?

Well, this is just a
guess, but it could be

that they found out
about Michael's letter,

and know they think

we're some kind
of security risk.

Security risk?

Right.

Florida,

Brady's manufacturers
women's clothes.

Spent all last month
on the loading dock

shipping out you know what?

You know what we're
shipping? Ladies' nightgowns.

Now what kind of
security risk is that?

What do you think
Mata Hari used to wear?

Huh?

Oh, there he goes again.

He lost his chicken job,
but he's still a birdbrain.

Oh yeah?

I may be a birdbrain,
but you the whole turkey.

Let me tell you something...

I don't want anymore
yelling in here!

James, what do you
think you're doing?

Who, me?

Look, all I know

is the whole
building is shaking,

and Chicago ain't
earthquake territory.

I'm sorry, baby.

It's just that this whole
thing don't make no sense.

It don't make no sense at all.

It's crazy.

I'm telling you,
it's just plain crazy.

Shh.

Shh.

Wanda, is something wrong?

Why do you ask?

Why do you ask?

Well, it might have
something to do

with the way you came in,
went out, and came in again.

Thelma, get Wanda
a glass of water.

Okay, Ma.

Wanda, was somebody
following you?

Following?

Following?

What's make you say that?

What makes you say that?

Well, you sure acted like it.

Did I? Did I?

No, I didn't. No, I didn't.

Somebody hear an
echo around here?

Thank you, honey.
Thank you, honey.

There it goes again.

Stop it.

Can't you see Wanda's upset?

Come on, Wanda.
What's going on now?

What's wrong?

Well, a few minutes ago,
a man came to see me.

So?

Who was the man?

Well, you won't believe this.

Wanda, your mouth is moving,

ain't nothing coming out.

The FBI.

I've got to go again.

Wanda, are you sure?

Yeah,

and he asked a
whole lot of questions.

He did, huh?

What kind of questions
was he asking, Wanda?

Well, he was asking
about this whole family...

Your habits, what
you do, where you go,

and what kind of
friends visit you.

What'd you tell him?

Oh, I didn't tell him anything.

I just said, "So sorry.
No speaky English..."

and that really confused him.

He'd never seen a
black Japanese before.

Sayonara.

I think I know
what's going on now,

Florida.

Yeah, I think I see
what's going on.

The FBI came

and they asked my
boss a few questions.

He got nervous and he fired me.

Oh, honey, Michael
sent off for that thing

for a school project.

And the school project
is costing me my job.

Oh, let's face it.
The man fired me.

One more dock worker
ain't all that indispensable.

Daddy, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to
cause all this trouble.

Oh, that's all right,
son. It ain't your fault

Let's face it, Michael,
we're living in a crazy time.

J.J., what are you doing?

Ma, uh...

do you think we
need an exterminator

around here?

I think we've got bugs.

What are you talking about?

No, Ma, I don't mean
those kind of bugs.

I mean bugs that bug.

Mama, J.J.'s probably right.

This place could be bugged.

Shh... Oh, come on, Michael.

Now how could
the FBI get in here?

Thelma, how'd the
CIA get into Italy?

Oh, come on and
stop all this nonsense

and let's get down
to the real problem.

Honey, what are you going to do

about the job?

I don't know, baby.

Hey, Daddy,

maybe you can go
down and talk to the FBI.

Oh, come on, Thelma.

You think the FBI are
going to talk to me?

Hell, no.

Instead, they talked to my boss.

Yeah, that's who they talked to.

The jive turkeys.

Uh, in the ghetto,

"jive turkey's" an expression
of sincere affection.

You see,

we know the FBI's
doing a fine job

protecting all the
patriotic citizens,

just like the Evans family.

Four score and
seven years ago...

Will you quit
talking to that lamp?

You've got a point there, Dad.

Hiding the mike in that lamp

is too obvious.

Boy, you can really act
a fool sometimes, J.J.

Hey, J.J., what are you doing?

Well, on Get Smart,

they always hide the
mike inside of a shoe.

We, the people of
the United States,

in order to form a
more perfect union...

If you don't stop that,

they're going to think
you're the one that flew

over the cuckoo's nest.

Yeah, J.J.

You're stupid
talking into a shoe.

If they wanted to bug anything,

it would be the telephone,

and they don't have to
come into the apartment

to do that.

You've got a point
there, Michael.

Huh? Shh.

You think it's possible?

Sure it's possible.

They've done it before.

Yeah, to a lot of people.

That's right.

Now look, we ain't
got nothing to hide.

We ain't done nothing wrong.

Hey! Ah, James!

What the hell are
we whispering for?

We're in our own house.

I hope somebody is
bugging this phone.

I've got something to tell them.

Whoever's bugging this phone,

your mama's a pin boy
at the Bowl-a-Drome.

That's right,

and if you've got any questions

to ask me and my family,

come down here and
ask them in person.

I don't appreciate all
this creeping around.

♪ God bless America ♪

♪ My home... ♪

Oh, give me that phone.

You're too skinny
to be Kate Smith.

The only song I
feel like singing

is the unemployment blues.

Federal Agent Lloyd.

May I come in?

Do we have a choice?

Well, this is an
unofficial visit.

We know what you're here for.

You're here to make sure

our daughter loses her
job as a babysitter, huh?

Now that's a real
security risk, ain't it?

Reading Mother
Goose to four year olds.

Hey, man, I'm glad you here.

I was right in the middle
of my patriotic medley.

♪ My country 'tis of thee ♪

♪ Sweet land... ♪

Closing out the medley.

As I said, I'm
here off the record.

I'd like to explain
something to you.

Man, you ain't got
to explain nothing.

We know why you're here.

You're looking for your
dangerous revolutionary.

Well, there he is. Look at him.

Castro's top secret agent.

He'd have grown a beard,
but he's too young to shave.

Tell him, Mike.

Tell him how you plan
to overthrow the country.

I only sent away
for this pamphlet

to do a school report.

I know.

You know?

You know,

and you still kept creeping
around here asking questions?

I'm sorry, but we
were asked to find out

who was receiving
Cuban propaganda

in the mail.

Just routine.

Routine.

Man, you all got
some kind of routine.

Causing people
to lose their jobs.

I'm sorry about that too.

We had to ask questions.

We never thought your
boss would react this way.

Well, how the hell did
you expect him to react?

Man, the FBI comes nosing
around asking him questions.

He figures it's
going to be trouble.

He's got enough already,
so goodbye James Evans.

Well, it's all
straightened out now.

We talked to your boss.

You've got your job back.

Well, I've got my
job back, that's good,

but how about all them
people that ain't so lucky, huh?

How about them?

People do have a
right to their privacy,

you know.

All this poking around
makes folks uneasy.

It's an uneasy
world, Mrs. Evans.

Well, thank you for
your time and goodbye.

Hey, hold on there, man.

I lost my job too.

I got fired.

I'm afraid I can't do
anything about that.

We never spoke with your boss.

How come I got fired then?

Maybe you're weren't a
very good chicken deliverer.

You ever thought about that?

Well, everything is
going to be all right.

At least you got
your job back, honey.

Yeah, I got my job back, baby,

and I know everything's

supposed to be cleared up now,

but you know something, Florida?

I've still got the feeling

that somewhere, someplace,

my name is still
in somebody's file.

Hey, Ma, I'm hungry.
When are we going to eat?

As soon as my little
hand gets on the stew

and my big hand
gets on the bread.

Hi, Daddy. Hey.

Hey, how did it go at Brady's?

Everything straightened out now?

Well, it went kind
of half and half.

What do you mean by
half and half, Daddy?

Well, the FBI man wasn't lying,

I did get my job back...

but while all this
commotion was going on,

I lost that promotion
to P. Johnson.

Oh...

Honey, that's too bad,
but, oh, never mind.

There'll be other chances.

I hope so, baby.
Dinner be ready soon?

In a minute.

Hey, gang!

Great news. Huh?

I got myself a new job.

Hey, is it at another
chicken place?

No. It's at the round of
rib and roast beef place.

I may have lost my bird,
but look what I've got now.

♪ Mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪

Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em? ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪