Good Times (1974–1979): Season 2, Episode 19 - The Dinner Party - full transcript

The Evans family fears that neighbor Gertie's secret meatloaf ingredient may be canned dog food.

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Has anybody seen my pincushion?

Oh yeah, I hope
you don't mind, Ma,

I used it as
part of a still life

of a bowl of fruit
I was painting.

J.J., you used my
pincushion in a bowl of fruit?

Yeah, Ma, that's
true ghetto artistry,

you use what you've got.

I used your
pincushion as the apple,

Dad's socks as the avocado,

Michael's basketball
as the pumpkin

and Thelma's face as the lemon.

Just bend a little and you could
throw your body in as a banana.

You got some nerve,
you Chiquita banana!



All right now, will you
two knock it off, please?

I'm trying to figure
out these bills.

What kind of shape we in
financially this month, James?

Well, we ain't in a position to
challenge in the Rockefellers,

but we ain't headed for
the poorhouse either, baby.

For once we are in the black.

What do you mean for once?

Everything paid for, James?

Everything, baby: Rent,
utilities and luxuries.

Daddy, you forgot
to mention food.

These days that
comes under luxuries.

Family, say hello to
George Washington 35 times.

Hello, George. Hello, George.

You know I never realized
how handsome old George is.

Ma, it's his wooden
teeth, he uses Crest

and he has 24
percent fewer termites.

You know baby it sure seems
strange having money left over

at the end of the month.

You children are responsible
for that, you know?

Your part-time jobs
helped to put us ahead.

That's never happened
to this family before.

What are we going to do
with the extra $35 James?

I don't know, whatever we
do we better spend it today,

because tomorrow it ain't
going to be worth but $22.50.

Hey baby, why don't
you take the money

and buy something for yourself...
Something silly, you deserve it.

Hey, I just had a better thought
of what to do with that money.

Huh?

I'd like for Thelma to take

singing lessons
with Gertie Vincent.

You really mean it?

Aw, Ma, now Dad said do
something silly, not insane.

Now J.J.,

your sister has a
very pretty voice

and I think she ought to
have a chance to develop it.

Ma, I can really
have voice lessons?

I think so, right James?

Yeah baby, matter of fact,

you can call Gertie right now
and make the arrangements.

Oh, I will.

Oh, thank you, Daddy.

Oh, you're welcome, baby girl.

Singing, that's... Give
me the basketball,

I'm going outside
to shoot some, man.

Okay, make sure
nobody rips it off,

my next painting is
going to be a cantaloupe.

Okay.

Thanks, later everybody.

All right,

you know if we have a surplus
after Thelma's singing lessons,

why don't we invest
it in something smart

like an earplug factory?

There's going to be a
big demand around here.

I guess she ain't home.

I'll get it, Ma.
Okay, sweetheart.

And the same to
you, jive turkey!

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hi, Thelma. That old
meathead janitor...

I put a quarter in the
washing machine this morning,

it didn't work and I
started some kicking.

When I put a quarter
in and it don't work,

I kick that machine myself.

I didn't kick the machine,
I kicked the janitor.

Boy, Gertie, you
are something else.

Hey, I was just calling you!

Well, good then I
saved you a toll call.

Gertie, you live right
upstairs, you ain't no toll call.

Oh yes, I am.

You know what they say
about old Gertie Vincent:

She is far out.

Oh, Gertie, I just love
your sense of humor.

You've got to have a
sense of humor at my age.

The way I see it, you
come into this world,

the first thing that happens is
you get a slap on your behind

from your doctor, and the
slaps, punches and kicks

don't stop until they
put you in a pine box.

So I'm gonna laugh all
I can before I'm boxed.

I hope I get a
nice-looking box boy.

That's a beautiful
philosophy, Mrs. Vincent.

That's Ms. Vincent,
Thelma, Ms. Vincent.

I'm returning your cake pan.

Okay Gertie.

Florida, that chocolate
cake was out of sight.

Why thank you.

Reminded me of
my late husband...

Sweet, black and satisfying.

I'm prattling on so, I
forgot to ask you, Florida,

what were you calling me about?

We were thinking
about asking you

to give Thelma voice lessons.

Oh, I don't think that's
going to be possible.

Good move, Gertie,

you just saved yourself
from a terminal earache.

One more crack out of
you about your sister singing

and you gonna have
a terminal butt ache.

Sit down!

Gertie, we're
ready to pay money.

I know James, and I know
that Thelma has a lovely voice,

but I'm giving up teaching.

No more lessons to
anyone, I'm retiring.

Retiring? You, Gertie?

I thought you lived
for your singing.

I do and I enjoy it,

but it's getting to be
so much of a hassle.

But what will you
do if you retire?

Oh, lots of things like
racing muggers to the bus.

Sitting in the park
with my women friends

watching our sup hose wrinkle.

Well, I'll see you all.

Oh, Thelma, I'm sorry,

I would have loved
to work with you.

Thanks again for
the cake Florida.

Oh, you're welcome, Gertie.

Bye, Ms. Vincent.

Well, now that we've
all regained our senses,

why don't we do something
smart with this surplus money

like send me to
art school in Paris.

Junior, the only way we
could send you to Paris for $35

would be to mail you there.

You won't have any trouble
slipping him through the slot.

Of course, he'll
probably wind up

in the deadhead letter office.

You've got some nerve
talking about deadhead...

That's enough!

Hmph.

You know I just can't get over

Gertie deciding all
of the sudden to retire.

An active woman like that?

Yeah, she always struck me
as being like Willona's mouth...

Running all the time.

She said she loved teaching
and being around young people.

Said it kept her young.

Well, she's 67 years
old, she's entitled to retire.

It's strange though,
she's such a lively old lady.

Yeah, but Thelma, what's
she going to retire to?

Maybe she found
herself a lively old man.

Hi, y'all.

Hi, Willona.

I just came by to show you
the new clothes at the boutique.

They sell those?

Every chance we get.

It looks like something from
Goodwill has been rejected

by the Salvation Army.

Well, the boutique is
keeping up with the times.

This is the latest
line of fashion

called the recession rags.

Is madam going to the
unemployment office

this morning?

Well if so, she should
wear these new blue jeans

with the ragged cuffs, patches
there and patches there.

After five at the bread line
we suggest the same attire,

but with this funky
blouse... Hey!

Willona, how much
is that blouse?

Almost as much as
a loaf of bread: $25.

Well, I ain't rich
enough to look that poor.

I'm a hit!

Well that concludes
the fashion show,

now on for the
gossip of the day.

Here it comes, the Rona
Barrett of the projects

with the 5:00 news.

We got some 5:00
news for you, Willona.

What?

Gertie Vincent just left here,

and would you
believe it, she is retiring.

She ain't giving
singing lessons no more.

That's just the headlines...
I got the inside story.

Didn't you hear about
the trouble she's having?

Come on over here.

I've got all of the
information from a friend down

at the Social Security office.

What kind of trouble?

She gets $200 a
month Social Security,

which is not enough to live on.

That's why she's been
giving the singing lessons,

to get a little extra money.

But do you know that every
extra two dollars she makes

giving a singing lesson,

they take away a dollar from
her Social Security check?

What kind of a deal is that?

It's a new dance they invented

called the Washington,
D.C. Boogie.

See, every time you take two
steps ahead they drag you back.

So that's why Gertie
decided to retire...

It just doesn't pay her to
give singing lessons anymore.

You know it. Flo, they got
her stuck right in the middle.

People work hard all their lives
to qualify for Social Security,

and then when they get it,

it ain't enough to
make them feel secure,

and it sure ain't enough
to make them get social on.

Well, it just goes to show you,

no matter how bad
off you think you are,

there's somebody hurting worse.

I just got an extra nickel,
Mrs. Vincent gave it to me

for carrying down her garbage.

Oh, Michael, you shouldn't have
taken money from Ms. Vincent,

that poor woman don't know
where her next meal is coming from.

If things are that bad,
Mama, why'd she buy a dog?

Michael, Ms. Vincent
ain't got no dog.

Then how come her garbage was
loaded with empty dog food cans?

Gertie's garbage loaded
with empty dog food cans?

Yeah, Mama.

Oh, no.

It's hard to believe.

That means that Gertie
is down to eating pet food.

Oh, that's awful.

It's a crying shame.

It sure is.

It can't be that bad.

Lassie ain't never been
sick a day in her life.

I don't know, folks, I
don't know what I'm saying.

I mean I'm so shook up.

I know what J.J. means,

I feel it down in the
pit of my stomach.

Oh James, we've just got to do
something for that poor woman.

What about a protest?

That's a great idea, Michael,
but who do we picket?

How about the
American Kennel Club?

Why don't you think before
you open your mouth, J.J.?

Well, I'm going home
before I burst out crying.

James, you and Flo come up
with any ideas to help Gertie,

count me in, okay?

All right.

I just hope this doesn't
happen to me when I'm 65.

What am I worried about,
that's at least 40 years off!

It's a sin that in the
richest country in the world

anyone has to
be eating pet food.

Well, the least we can do

is invite her over
to dinner tonight.

Yeah.

Feeding one more person

sure ain't going to send
none of us to bed hungry.

That's right.

Wow, Ma, that's a pretty
big chicken you're cooking.

We're having chicken for dinner?

Then we'll have no problem
having one more guest,

because Ma is the number
one chicken mathematician

in the whole ghetto.

Make a chicken
last for three days.

Hold on now, J.J.,

I'm pretty good at making
meals go a long ways,

but three days, well now
that's kind of stretching things.

Oh, Ma, it's just that
you haven't kept track

of your mathematical wizardry.

Day number one you
slosh the bird around

in some boiling hot
water, we got chicken soup.

Day number two is the teaser,

you take the wings,
the thigh and the neck

and you got something so
yummy it tickles the tummy.

Day number three

you've got the legs,
the thigh and the breast

and you got something so light
we call it Chicken Dy-no-mite!

Well, your mama's going to
have to be some kind of magician

to get Gertie over
here for dinner.

How so baby? Just tell
her we're having chicken

and she'll come on over here.

We done had her over
here for dinner before.

Yeah, once or twice a month,
but you got to remember,

we just had her over to
dinner day before yesterday.

Now if we invite her
back again so soon

she's bound to get suspicious,
she's a proud woman.

Yeah I know that, but
we just gotta figure out

some way to have her over
here for dinner, that's all.

Yeah.

Thelma, you and
J.J. set the table.

Okay, Ma, you want me to
set a place for Mrs. Vincent too?

Of course, Thelma.

Will you move?

What's all this violence?

Florida, have you figured out
some way to get her over here?

I don't know.

Hey, maybe we can convince
her it's a special occasion,

a reason to celebrate.

Why can't you just
say, "Mrs. Vincent,

we heard you're
having a hard time

and we'd like to share
our chicken with you."

That would be
telling her the truth.

That's right, Michael,

but I'm not so sure it's quite
the diplomatic thing to do.

Diplomatic?

Yeah, son, that's a
word that's used mostly

by people in government.

See, when they want
you to vote for something,

but they know if they
was to tell you directly

what it is they want,
you wouldn't vote for it.

So they tell you something else

and then you end
up voting for it.

That's diplomacy. That's lying.

That's the same thing.

Mama, are you
going to use diplomacy

to get Mrs. Vincent
over here to eat?

Well, Michael, there's
only one way to act

and that's deal straight
from the shoulder.

That's Ma, tell it like it is.

There's no sense in
beating around the bush.

I'll just call her up and say...

Hello, Gertie? Florida.

Look, we're having
a little celebration,

it's J.J.'s birthday.

Yes, and we'd like for you to
come over to dinner tonight.

Oh, we really would
like for you to come.

Good, then come right over,

we're just getting
ready to sit down.

Straight from the
shoulder, huh, baby?

So I'm a lousy diplomat.

Naw, baby, you're great.

I tell you, I'd rather have
you doing the cooking

than Henry Kissinger.

Oh, thanks, honey.

Hey.

You wouldn't do that
to Henry Kissinger.

Henry ain't got what you got.

Hey, that beats
pet food any day.

You know, Ma, I read somewhere

that almost one-third
of the dog and cat food

produced is being
eaten by people.

Well the way things are
now, honey, I believe it.

Oh, that's Gertie.

I'll get it.

Now listen, children,

I want you all to behave
as normal as you ever do.

Hi, Mrs. Vincent.

Hey, Gertie, come
right on in, have a seat,

we just getting ready
to sit down and eat.

Oh, thank you James, it's so
nice of you all to have me over.

Oh, Gertie, you didn't
need to bring dessert,

we got a full meal.

Oh, this is not dessert,
this is the main course.

I'm a pretty good
cook, you know,

and this is my
specialty, meatloaf.

Meatloaf?

Oh, yes I'm so proud
of what I do with it.

You know folks eat my meatloaf
and leave the table raving.

Maybe they got hydrophobia.

Oh, Gertie, that was
awfully sweet of you,

but I've already made chicken.

Now, Florida, you listen,

you've had me over as
a guest dozens of times.

Please allow me to
do something in return.

No, no, no, you're our guest.

I'm an old woman
and a stubborn one,

if you don't allow my
meatloaf to be the main course,

I won't stay.

Bye.

Gertie, chicken and
meatloaf, that's too much.

Well, we'll just
remove the chicken

and my meatloaf will be
just perfect for J.J.'s birthday.

I'm gonna still be chicken
about eating that meatloaf.

Instead of chasing foxes
I'm gonna be chasing cats.

And here we are.

Well sit down
everybody, sit down.

Have a seat, Gertie.
Thank you James.

Oh, Florida everything
looks so lovely.

Thank you. Almost everything.

Now, James, as
head of the family

you get the first piece.

Thank you, Gertie.

Junior, since you
the birthday boy,

you get first crack at it.

Ladies first! Thelma.

Michael, you need
this to grow on.

Mamas before kids.

Husbands before wives.

James, you're acting

almost as though you didn't
want to eat my meatloaf.

That ain't no act, Gertie.

I'm happy to eat
your meatloaf, but...

Hi, am I intruding?

Oh, no, Willona.

You're just in time, come on in.

Come on in, we just
getting ready to eat.

Come on Willona,
tell us all of the gossip.

Yeah, everything. Yeah,
for a couple of hours.

How you doing Gertie?

Hi, Willona.

What about dinner?

Well, that's what I
came over here for.

You did?

I burned my own dinner so bad

that my stove looks
like a towering inferno.

So I figured I'd come over
here and take a chance.

Well, this is the right
place to take a chance.

Where do I sit?

Here!

Well, come on, now
there's no need for anybody

to change their seat,

there's plenty of
meatloaf for all of us.

Michael, baby,
get yourself a chair.

Nuh-uh, Mama, I'm
doing fine right here.

Mm-mm, do I love
Florida's meatloaf.

This is not Florida's
meatloaf tonight.

Oh?

I brought it down
and made it myself.

Well, I've had second
thoughts about dinner.

You know it's a sin to waste
food even though it is burned.

Besides, the charcoal is good
for my teeth, keep them white.

Bon appetite, y'all.

James, let's get started.

Right, but you
know me, you know,

we ain't said grace yet,

and I wouldn't think of
taking a mouthful of food

without saying grace, Gertie.

But Dad, you never
say grace, not you.

I mean that...

You are the religious
leader of this house, you are.

J.J., why don't you say grace?

And don't be too
long about it, J.J.,

when my meatloaf gets
cold, it loses some of its bite.

The Lord is my
German Shepherd and...

So that's what's been going on?

Do you think that I would
give my friends pet food?

Gertie if you enjoy it
there's no reason why...

Come on everybody
let's eat the... meatloaf.

Florida, that is ground round.

What kind of a person
do you think I am?

Gertie, we heard that you...

Because I couldn't
afford better,

that sometimes I eat pet food?

Well, I do.

But that doesn't
mean that I would try

to fool my friends with it.

That is real
meatloaf, believe me.

I should have known better.

I'm sorry, can you forgive us?

Of course.

Well, in that case, let me
quote the late great Rin Tin Tin,

"Let's eat!"

You know, maybe there's a
lesson in all of this for me too.

You people have been
so busy trying to help me,

and I haven't done a
thing to try to help myself.

Well, now I'm going to.

Well what you gonna do, Gertie?

I'm gonna stop
feeling sorry for myself

because I've been caught
between a rock and a hard place.

All right.

I have spent years earning
my Social Security, and I want it.

And I'm not going to say
that this old bag of bones

is going to be retired.

And Thelma, if you still want
them lessons, I'm available.

I do, but what about
your Social Security?

I'm gonna fight for it.

Good.

There are a lot of old folks
around in the same boat I'm in.

The only trouble is
they don't get together,

they stay in their
private miseries.

Well, I'm gonna
get them together.

Amen! Good for you, Gertie.

And together we
count for a lot of votes.

We've not only got black
power, we've got Medicare power.

Hey, now that's the
old Gertie I know talking.

Yeah!

Come on now,
let's enjoy this meal.

And if you want anymore
meatloaf, just howl.

Oooww!

♪ Just lookin' Out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinkin' how It all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good times Good times ♪

♪ Keepin' your
head Above water ♪

♪ Makin' a wave When you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs Good times ♪

Good Times is recorded on tape

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♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good times ♪♪