Good Times (1974–1979): Season 1, Episode 6 - Sex and the Evans Family - full transcript

From Television
City in Hollywood:

♪ Good Times ♪

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♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a friend ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪



♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

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♪ Scratching and surviving ♪

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♪ Hanging in a chow line ♪

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♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

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Hey, Thelma, when are
you getting out of there?

I got a date tonight
too, you know?

Don't rush me.

I need more time to
put on my makeup.

The way you put
yourself together,



you don't need a bathroom,

you need an assembly line.

Boy, that girl will
drive you crazy

with all that makeup.

She does lay it
on a little heavy.

Yesterday, I stepped on
one of her false eyelashes.

I thought I had
killed a centipede.

Hey, Mama,

make sure you iron
that shirt real smooth,

'cause the girl I'm
going out with tonight

likes to touch me a lot.

You know, you're getting to be

the Richard Roundtree
of the project.

Four dates this week,

and each one
with a different girl.

What can I say, Mama?
When you're hot, you're hot.

Right now, the two things
in most demand around here

are me and gasoline.

Yeah, you do have the
same build as a gas hose.

I'll be right back.

I've got to go downstairs.
We're out of mouthwash.

You're making a
special trip for that?

Yeah. The girl I'm
going out with tonight

is in the special
life-saving category.

I expects to do

a lot of mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.

Hi, JJ.

Hey, Willona.

Where's Junior Long-Legs
going in such a hurry?

To get some mouthwash.

He's got another
heavy date tonight.

Oh, well, that boy
is really growing up.

You know, I remember

when the only thing
he had on his mind

was making the basketball team.

Now he's trying out
for the cheerleaders.

Assorted.

Ooh, Willona,
heat up the coffee.

Coming right up.

Mama, you pressing my dress yet?

I'm just getting started.

Some day when I want a vacation,

I'm going to take
a job as a maid.

Well, it's Saturday night,

and you got yourself
a couple of teenagers.

Yeah, well, I'm not too
happy about Thelma's date.

She's going out with
a 21-year-old boy.

Well, what are
you worried about?

Thelma's 16.

When I was 16,

I went out with
21-year-old boys, and...

You know, Florida,

maybe you got
something to worry about.

Oh, hi, Willona.

Hi, sweetie.

And if you're in a
hurry for this dress,

I got a little ways to go yet.

Mama, you don't
have to iron that.

I decided to wear my pink one.

Well, thanks for giving
me the rest of the night off.

You know, Thelma,

your daddy and I
still ain't too pleased

with this boy you're
going out with tonight.

Mama, you and
Daddy still on that kick?

You'll both change your
mind when you meet Eddie.

I'm the luckiest
girl in the world.

Eddie asked me for a date.

He's brilliant, kind, sensitive

and thoughtful and
intellectual and...

And too old.

Eddie's fantastic, Ma.

He's going to be a
professor some day.

He got his bachelor's degree,

and now he's going
for his master's degree.

He's the most wonderful
boy I ever met in my whole life!

Oh, Thelma!

Sixteen, what a great age.

That's when you meet

the most wonderful
guy in your whole life

every week.

Did you see how
starry-eyed she was

when she talked about him?

Yeah, we had that
same starry-eyed look

when we were young.

I remember you
and Jimmy Phillips.

What about you and
Charlie Ketchum?

Charlie...

You know, I can still remember
how gone I was on him.

Tall, slim, smooth...

Ooh, and when we
danced, boy, could he dip.

My dreamboat was Jimmy Phillips,

but his motor was
too fast for me.

He took me to see a
Lena Horne picture,

and when I felt his arms
going around me, I froze.

While Lena was on the screen
singing "Stormy Weather,"

I was in the balcony singing
"Show Me The Way To Go Home."

That was a lot of years
and 50 pounds ago.

You were something
else in those days.

All the boys used to call you

the girl with the
dangerous curves.

Well, the curves are still here,

but they've widened
the road a little.

I found this heavy
new mouthwash.

It's called Control Tower.

One gargle, and all
the girls circle around

waiting for landing
instructions.

Who's he going out with tonight?

Some girl named Gloria.

Last night, it was Charlotte.

Two nights before
that, it was Linda.

And the night before
that, it was Barbara.

Sounds like a
basketball schedule.

Play two nights, rest one night.

Now, he may be a wild tiger now,

but some day, that one
girl's going to hook him,

and zap... one
skinny, tame house-cat.

Amen.

And good Lord, what is this?

What?

"Sexual Behavior In the Ghetto"?

How'd this trash
get into my house?

I don't know,

but let's sit down and read it.

It's a lot of typewritten pages.

It looks like the
kind of dirty trash

that kids pass around
between each other.

Let me see.

Uh-huh... pretty heavy stuff.

Oo-ee, now, here's something

that's interesting.

I'm not interested.

It says the male...
Let me see that.

That JJ!

I'll make him sorry he
brought garbage like this

into this house.

Now, how do you know it was JJ?

It might've been James.

Willona, we've been
married for 18 years,

and I got news for you...

James don't need
no instructions.

Well, I still say

a refresher course
ain't never hurt nobody.

No, this is JJ, all right.

Florida, why are
you so surprised?

JJ's 17.

Today, kids read
that kind of stuff.

I don't like what's going on,

and I don't want my
kids exposed to it.

What are you
going to do, Florida?

It's a whole new world.

Well, personally, I
like the old world better.

JJ, come out of there!

I want to talk to you.

JJ, come out here!

Yeah, Mama?

JJ, how do you explain this?

What?

"Sexual Behavior in The Ghetto."

I don't know.

If they can't explain
it in here, I sure can't.

Don't give me none of your sass.

What are you doing with this?

That ain't mine.
Don't lie to me, JJ.

I ain't lying.

I wouldn't buy
nothing like that.

I'd rather wait for the
movie to come out.

Hi, everybody.

Hi, honey.

What's happening?

Nothing. Why don't
you go outside and play?

Mama, I've been playing
basketball for three hours.

Well, then, go on outside
and play some more.

Mama, what are you trying to do?

I'm going to get a heart attack.

Then go into my room
and do your homework.

I already did my
homework. Michael!

Mama, why are you
trying to get rid of me?

Does it have something to do

with what you're hiding
behind your back?

Now, Mama, this is
probably Michael's.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Well, he does the most
reading in the family.

What you got there?

Is it something on black unity?

In a way.

"Sexual Behavior In The Ghetto."

JJ! Well, it ain't mine.

Mama, if you and Daddy
are having any problems...

there's a whole section
about it in the library.

And if you don't
want any problems,

you get that junk off my
couch and go into the room

like I told you.

Yes, ma'am.

JJ, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself,

blaming an 11-year-old
boy for reading such trash.

Well, if he reads this, he
ain't going to be 11 long.

Michael wouldn't be
interested in that stuff anyway,

right, Gramps?

That's right. I'm
only interested

in stuff that will help
the black community.

If it wasn't for
stuff like that,

there wouldn't be
no black community.

Go to your room.

I don't know what I'm
going to do with this one.

I try to raise a good
Christian family,

and here it is, my oldest son
has the morals of a Philistine.

Aw, Mama, I didn't have
nothing to do with this.

Yes, you did, and
I want you to hush.

I've heard enough of it.

Hey, is this the last round,

or do I still got time to lay
down a bet on the fight?

We got troubles.

We're really going
to have trouble

if you don't give me some sugar.

Hi, James.

Hey, Willona. I see you
got your usual ringside seat.

Look, here, Florida,

before you hit me with
your fuss of the day,

let me hit you with mine.

It's been on my mind all day,
and I still don't like the idea

of Thelma going out
with this 21-year-old boy.

That don't even make the
Top 30 on the fuss charts.

Here's number one.

Will you look

at what JJ brought
into this house?

"Sexual Behavior In The Ghetto."

Now, hold on, Dad.

I didn't have nothing
to do with this.

Hell, you son of a gun.

James!

Aw, baby, you call this serious?

A boy his age

wanting to know
about these things

is the most normal
thing in the world.

And he ain't a boy no
more. Shucks, he's a man.

Come here, Junior.

I thought I told you

everything there was to know,

but I can't blame you

for wanting to find out
something else, though,

you dog, you!

You know, son, I
was just like you

when I was your age, a
kid back in Mississippi.

Did all right
with the girls too.

I'll bet you were dy-no-mite.

I was nitroglycerin.

Of course, that was
before I met your mother.

Boy, the chicks used to line up

just waiting for a ride in
that big, black limousine.

Big, black limousine?

When did you drive a
big, black limousine?

Well, I used to drive
a friend's hearse.

Aw, it's so nice

to see father and
son talking things over.

Oh, shut up, Willona.

Father and son, huh?
They look more like

a couple of sailors
on weekend passes.

Well, I've got to get
ready for my date.

Look here, Junior.

If you're making
time in the hallway,

don't lean up
against no doorbells.

Dy-no-mite!

Well, that's a fine way
to raise your son, James.

What you planning for him next?

A job as an usher in
a Pussycat Theater?

Well, I hate to give
up my ringside seat,

but I am totally disgusted

by this whole discussion

on sexual behavior
in the ghetto.

Well, let me relieve you
of your embarrassment.

Now, James, about JJ and this.

Oh, baby, you're getting
upset about nothing.

You call this kind
of trash nothing?

That's right, nothing.

It's perfectly normal
for a kid his age

to be interested
in these things,

and it ain't a filthy
piece of trash.

I'm surprised at you for
being so old-fashioned.

Old-fashioned?

Hi, Daddy. Hey, baby.

Mama, where'd you find that?

I've been looking
all over for it.

Yours, Thelma?

Yes.

That's yours? Yes.

Well, young lady, you
sit down here right now,

just sit down and tell me

what the hell you're doing
reading this filthy trash!

Thelma, what has
gotten into you lately?

Going out with 21-year-old
men and reading stuff like this?

There's nothing wrong

with going out with
someone 21-years-old, Dad,

and what's wrong with
reading stuff like that?

Because it's stuff like that.

Daddy, it's not what you think.

It's educational.

Educational. Where
was it printed?

Porno Tech?

James, there's no
need to shout at the girl.

Florida, what's wrong with you?

Ain't you as upset
about this as I am?

Well, I'm not exactly thrilled,

but I'm also a little
confused. About what?

When you thought it
was JJ reading this stuff,

it was hallelujah time.

Now that you find
out that it's Thelma's,

you want to call
in the exorcist.

There's a difference
between girls and boys.

No kidding.

You must have
read the first page.

You know what I mean.

Boys don't get pregnant.

No, but they're usually

somewhere around
the scene of the crime.

Will you stop trying to
defend your daughter?

I don't need defending.

I have no intention
of getting pregnant.

I just hope your
21-year-old boyfriend

knows that.

Daddy, he's a wonderful person,

and you're making him
sound like a lecherous old man.

All right, baby, I'm sorry.

He's a lecherous young man.

Thelma, why can't you go
out with boys your own age?

Because they're
boring and immature.

They don't know
what it's all about.

Yeah.

James, aren't you
forgetting something?

When we were going out,

you were three
years older than me.

That's different, baby.

You was old for your age.

What do you mean by that?

I mean you was experienced.

What?!

That ain't what I mean.

I don't know what I mean.

This girl's about to
drive me up the wall

with her 21-year-old boyfriend
and reading that filthy trash.

Daddy, you're locked
somewhere in the 19th century.

Mama, I'm going
downstairs to wait for Eddie.

Now, you hold on, young
lady. You ain't going nowhere.

Ma?

James, Thelma is a good girl.

Yeah, and she's
going to stay that way.

Well, I gots to
keep on trucking.

Don't wait up for me tonight,

'cause it's going to
be a long evening.

♪ Tonight, tonight
Won't be just any night ♪

Now I've seen everything.

You let the wolf out the door

and you're going to lock
Little Red Riding Hood up.

Yeah, how come
it's all right for him

to go out on a date and not me?

Well, he ain't my daughter. I
ain't got to worry about him.

Well, he's going out with
somebody's daughter.

Well, then, let
her father worry.

Daddy, I haven't
done anything wrong.

Thelma, just go
to your room, baby,

till I can figure this out here.

Mama?

Now, James... Don't
worry about Eddie.

I'm going to treat it
real diplomatic-like.

I'll just say, "Eddie, she
can't go out this evening.

She's got a fever
of 105 degrees."

Then I'll throw him
down the stairs.

Daddy, you're nothing
but a male chauvinist!

Now, you hear that?

You hear the dirty
words she done picked up

from reading that trash?

James, "chauvinist"
ain't no dirty word.

You ain't never seen it

on the walls of
none of the projects,

have you?

Hey, Mama.

What's the matter with Thelma?

She's crying like crazy.

It's nothing that
concerns you, son.

Go back in your room and study.

Mama, why is it that every time
something goes on around here,

I've got to go back in
my room and study?

You know, I'm going
to be smart in school,

but I sure am going to be stupid

to what's happening around here.

Michael, go on
back in your room.

Daddy...

Don't "Daddy" me. Go
on back in your room now.

James... your daughter
is in there crying.

Baby, you've got to understand.

I love our sons, both of them,

but Thelma's the only
daughter we got, baby.

She's special.
She's my little girl.

Little girl?

Have you had a
good look at her lately?

Yeah, and that's what
scares the hell out of me.

Baby, I know we raised her right

and I know she
knows right from wrong,

but 21 years old... Oh, James.

Did you see the look in her eyes

when she started
talking about him?

I had the same glow on my face

when I told my
parents about you.

Yeah, well, you
had reason to glow.

Well, so has she.

Now, Eddie is somebody special.

He's going to be a
college professor.

Pfft.

So he uses a lot of big
words you don't understand.

Oh, that's him now.

Look, this is a very
special moment for Thelma.

Well... Come on,
at least talk to him.

Okay...

but I ain't going
to let him snow me.

Hi, I'm Eddie Conroy.

Is this the Evans' apartment?

Well, it ain't Let's
Make a Deal.

You must be Mr. Evans.

I'm Thelma's mother.
Won't you come in?

Yes, thank you, ma'am.

Is Thelma ready?

Ready for what?

The concert starts
in about half an hour.

She'll be ready
in a little while.

You know how girls are.

Yes.

I'll bet you do.

James, please.
Won't you sit down?

Yes. Thank you.

Would you like a drink?

A cup of coffee?

A soda pop?

No, thanks.

Why don't you offer him
a belt of booze? He's 21.

James...

Young man, do you mind
if I ask you a question?

No, sir. go ahead.

How did a dude like you
ever meet my daughter?

Well, I interviewed her while
I was doing my research.

Research?

Yes, I'm completing a
thesis for my master's.

Thesis?

This cat even uses short
words you don't understand.

You see that, James?

He interviewed
Thelma for his thesis.

What's it about?

Well, it's called "Sexual
Behavior In The Ghetto."

This?

I found Thelma to be one of
my more interesting subjects.

You wrote about my
daughter in this here thing?

She's page 25.

When a 21-year-old cat

goes out with a
16-year-old girl,

he ain't looking
for no ice cream.

I don't understand.

I understand you wrote a
filthy piece of trash here,

and I don't appreciate you

getting my daughter
mixed up in it.

I told you 21 years old
ain't nothing but trouble.

I ought to drop
him... Oh, James.

A college thesis
can't be dirty... can it?

No.

I interviewed a cross-section
of ghetto residents

and asked them about
their sexual behavior.

Yeah, well, it still don't sound
like Mother Goose to me.

Just tell me one thing, baby.
What does it say on page 25?

My interview with Thelma

helped to prove a
strong theory I have.

You see, in broken
homes with just one parent,

there's a high percentage of
loose attitudes towards sex.

He's right, James.

That's what Thelma's
interview's about.

It says so right here.

"But in homes with a
solid family foundation,

"especially a
strong father figure,

"the incidence of
unwanted pregnancies

is almost nonexistent."

You mean page 25 is clean?

It sure is.

And that's all
Thelma's interview

was all about.

It makes real nice reading too.

What did you say was the
reason for Thelma's low...

Incidence.

"Homes with a solid
family foundation."

No, I mean the part after that.

Oh, "strong father figures."

Yeah.

That's the part.

Hey, uh, Thelma,
what's keeping you, girl?

Don't you know your date's
out here waiting on you?

Hi, Eddie.

Hi, Thelma. Wow, you look great.

Thanks.

Thank you, Daddy.

Mm-hm. Have a nice time, baby.

We will, Daddy.

Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

Good night. You take
care of my little girl, now.

You know, if Eddie needs
more work on his thesis,

he can come up here
and fire away anytime,

because like he
said in the paper,

I'm the expert on how
to raise kids, right?

Right.

Junior, what you
doing home so early?

It ain't but 8:00.

It was a bad scene, man.

I knocked on the girl's door,

her father answered the door,

smelled the mouthwash
on my breath,

saw the gleam in my eye,

and slammed the
door right in my face.

Score one for another family
with a strong father figure.

♪ Mmm... ♪

♪ Just looking out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how it all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

Good Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪