Good Times (1974–1979): Season 1, Episode 2 - Black Jesus - full transcript

ANNOUNCER: From
Television City in Hollywood:

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a payment ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you meet a friend ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Anytime you're
out from under ♪

♪ Not getting hassled
Not getting hustled ♪

♪ Keeping your
head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪



♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Scratching and surviving ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Hanging in a chow line ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪

[MUSIC BLARING]

Hey, Thelma, turn
down that noise in there!

What?

I said turn down that noise...

[MUSIC STOPS] In there.



What you yelling for?

You made me make a mistake.

So, what's the big deal?

Everything you
paint is a mistake.

That's the same thing
Rembrandt's wife said to him.

I don't know whether
he divorced her

or punched her in her big mouth.

You're my sister, so
I can't divorce you.

My name ain't Jack,

and I don't get scared
by no beanstalk.

Thelma, where's my gold paint?

How should I know
where your gold paint is?

Because every time it's missing,

you come up with a new
pair of psychedelic dungarees.

You can never find nothing.

Now I know why you can't paint.

You can't see.

Hey, JJ.

Hey, Michael.

What you painting there?

Hey, that's a street hustler.

Don't you know what today is?

Yeah, blue Monday,

followed by broke Tuesday,

followed by
disastrous Wednesday.

From there, the rest of
the week goes downhill.

Today is the beginning
of Black History Week.

Sweet Daddy Williams is black.

But you should be painting

someone more
relevant to black history.

Relevant? Are you jiving?

Sweet Daddy Williams
owns three apartment houses,

two Cadillacs and a Lincoln,

ain't never worked
a day in his life

and ain't never been to jail.

He's the same dude
that got shot five times

and ran seven
miles to the hospital.

If that ain't black history,
I don't know what is.

The Pan-African Council

is sponsoring an
art show this week.

If you had a better painting,
you might win a prize.

If I can get Sweet
Daddy Williams together,

we just may make
that scene, Michael,

but first I've got
to go downtown

and get some art supplies.

How are you going
to get art supplies?

You don't have any money.

Never bothered Robin Hood.

You'd better not let
Mama hear you say that.

Wow! Out of sight!

This is fantastic!

When did you paint this, JJ?

What? This.

Oh, last week.

What is it?

I call it Black Jesus.

Black Jesus.

Now, this is what
the brothers need.

Groovy, super heavy, yeah!

Relax, Michael.

It's only a painting,
not the second coming.

Hi, Michael. What's happening?

Hey, Thelma, how you like this?

What is it?

Don't show your ignorance.

This is Black Jesus.

Black Jesus, my foot.
That's Ned the Wino.

You mean the dude who's always
walking up and down the street

drinking wine and preaching?

Ned the Wino,

better known as
the Ghetto Prophet.

Yeah, he's always
predicting the end of the world

and asking for a
dime for some wine

so he can die happy.

Which he does, every night.

JJ, you sure know
how to pick your models.

A wino Jesus.

He's only a symbol of Jesus.

Hey, JJ, you should enter this

into the exhibit.

No way.

Now, Sweet Daddy
Williams here is one of a kind.

Just a few finishing touches

and he's going to be
ready for black history.

It sure is a shame to
keep this in the closet.

Hey!

Since both are just
symbols of Jesus,

a black family should
have a black symbol.

If Mama sees that there,
she's going to kill you.

Jesus may have your soul,

but Mama's going
to have your behind.

You're gone now, baby.

Thelma, put that magazine down

and get in that
kitchen and clean it up.

Hi, Mama!

How's things down
in the laundry room?

Well, I had a chat
with Princess Grace

and Elizabeth Taylor.

The princess was rinsing
her husband's shorts,

and Liz was waiting
for her diamonds to dry.

Now move out of my
way. I've got work to do.

But, Mama...

Honey, why do you keep
jumping up in my face?

I know what you look like.

Now, move.

Well, I hope the space
lab is out of the way,

because I am just
about to go into orbit!

I don't have to ask
who hung this here,

Michael Evans,

but before I hang
you in its place... why?

Mama, it's just a
symbol of Jesus.

Well, hello, symbol.
And goodbye.

But JJ painted him.

Don't finger me, Michael.

I had him in the closet

where he wasn't performing
no miracles for nobody.

Mama, couldn't we at least

let Black Jesus hang alongside?

Forget it.

The only Jesus I know is him,

and the one thing he
don't need is a partner.

Mama, how do we
know Jesus wasn't black?

He could've been from
the lost tribe of Israel.

They were supposed to be black.

I bet they were.

If ever a people
were lost, we're it.

Now, just hush up, both of you.

This picture has
been in my family

for as long as I can remember.

When I was a baby, I
don't know what I saw first,

my mama, my papa or this Jesus.

Now, he's the one
I know and love,

so let's close the subject.

If Jesus was black, the
Bible would've said so.

But it does say so!

What are you talking about?

I read about it.

It's in Revelations.
Chapter 1, verse 14.

I read about it in
Mohammed Speaks.

It says, um... "His
hair is like wool,

and his eyes are
like flame of fire."

Well, Lord have mercy.

It sure do say that, don't it?

And see, Mama?

Look at that hair.
Like wool, ain't it?

And look at them
eyes. Red like fire!

Yeah, they sure is.

Junior, how come you
decided to paint this?

I don't know.

All of a sudden,

I just had divine
thoughts on my mind.

And for JJ, that's a first.

What? Having divine thoughts?

No, having a mind.

I guess I ought to be grateful

for JJ having Jesus on his mind

in any color.

Then we can hang
him on the wall, Mama?

Please, Mama?

All right, but just for
Black History Week.

After that, he comes down.

Good. I'll go get a hook for it.

Hi. I'm Willona.

Fly me.

Fly me straight to the kitchen
and pour me a cup of coffee,

and make it like I like my men:

Hot, black and strong.

Willona, don't you ever come in

without making a joke?

No, but I was out
with one last night.

Five-feet-one, 250 pounds,

bald-headed, with
eight pair of hands...

all working at the same time.

One of them, huh?

Well, at least you
had a night out.

Where'd he take you?

To see The Day of The Dolphin.

Do you know what it's
like watching a dolphin

while you're trying to
fight off an octopus?

Your old man not home yet?

No.

Which one of his
three underpaid jobs

is he working overtime on?

He had to take off
from work this afternoon

and go down to the
Internal Revenue.

They're going to audit him.

Thanks, baby.
Audit him? What for?

They disallowing
the use of his yacht

for business?

I don't know what's going on.

They said in the letter

that they claim he
owes them $110.

You've got to be kidding.

The president made $200,000
and only paid $700 in tax.

I wonder what kind of
deduction he put on his return.

Took Israel to lunch.

Hi, Willona.

Hi, Gramps. What you got there?

This is Black Jesus.

Oh, that's nice.

He's hanging there
for Black History Week.

Junior painted him.

Thelma, when I sent
you into the kitchen,

I told you to clean, not lean.

Junior, what made
you paint Black Jesus?

His face came to me in a vision.

It seems to be coming
to me in a vision too.

It's Ned the Wino.

Uh-oh.

Would you say that again?

Uh-oh.

I meant her.

I said it's Ned the Wino.

No wonder his
eyes are red like fire.

It's from drinking muscatel.

Michael, did you know
this was Ned The Wino?

Sure, but that's not important.

It's just a symbol.

It is important.

Junior, before I tear
your divine skinny arms

out of your divine
string-bean body,

why did you pick of all people

Ned the Wino for Black Jesus?

Well, he passed
out in the gutter,

and he's the only one
who'd hold still long enough

to pose.

Well, that does it.

Black History Week or
no Black History Week,

he's coming down off that wall

and out of this
house. Take him down.

Have no fear, because
Santa Claus is here.

Hey, Daddy!

Thelma, this is for you.

And this is for my little man.

You ready, set, hut! Hut!

And JJ, here you go, man.

Out of sight! Thanks, Dad!

Hey, cool, a new
pair of sneakers!

Just what you need for
your next protest march, huh?

Too much!

I may wear these
outside my clothes!

I want to know where
you got the money.

Wait a minute, baby.

I got one more magic trick.

Now, just turn around
and close your eyes.

James... Turn around
and close your eyes.

Oh, all right.

All right, now, just
keep your eyes closed.

Hush, hush, hush.

All right, baby, open your eyes.

James, this is
the coat I wanted!

What did you do, James?

Go partners with
the Chicago police?

I love having a coat
to keep me warm,

but I don't want one that's hot.

This money come right
from the Internal Revenue.

I thought you owed them.

I did, and I paid them...
out of what they owed me.

What?

Remember last year
all that money we spent

on that operation you had?

Baby, it turned
out that that money

was what they call
a medical deduction.

After I finished paying them,

I still walked out the
door with 140 big ones.

I tell you, Florida,
I can't believe it.

It's like we all of a
sudden got a miracle.

James, just 'cause you
got some money back

from the Internal Revenue

don't mean he had
anything to do with it.

Baby, I don't know what you got

against Black Jesus there.

Nothing, except I
got a lifetime contract

with the real one here.

Maybe you ought to
hold out for one season,

see if he comes
up with better terms.

James, that is pure blasphemy,

and I'm not going to
have you talking that way

in this house!

Where are you going?

I'm going to enter
Sweet Daddy Williams

in the art exhibition.

You're going to
enter a street hustler?

The only prize you'll
win is from the Mafia.

Ain't no doubt I'm going to win.

Already got my acceptance
speech memorized.

"Ladies and gentlemen
of the Awards Committee,

"I humbly accept first
prize for my masterpiece.

"Time does not permit me
to thank everyone involved,

"but I would like to thank

"a few people who
made this possible.

"First, my mother and
father, who made me possible.

"And also my sixth grade teacher

"for not turning me
in to the principal

"when he discovered
my first painting

"in the boys' bathroom.

"And last but not least, I
would like to thank myself

for being the ebony
genius that I am."

If he don't win
first prize for talent,

he's bound to win it for guts.

I'm going to leave
it up to you, Mama.

Fix anything you want
for my victory dinner.

I'll tell you something, baby.

If this painting here

brings Junior as much
luck as it brought me,

you could start

fixing that victory
dinner right now.

Oh, James, one lucky
break don't mean a thing.

Hey, Ma! Dad!

You'll never guess!

Something I always
wanted. What is it?

You know Larry Williams?

He asked me

to go to the Isaac
Hayes concert tonight.

You know, the Larry
Williams asked me.

Oh, Ma, can I go?

It's all right with me. Okay.

Thanks, Ma. I'm so happy.

This is my lucky day!

It still don't mean a thing.

It don't, huh?

Looks to me

like Black Jesus is
doing his thing real good.

Thelma going to an
Isaac Hayes concert

don't exactly compare

to the miracle of the
loaves and the fishes.

Daddy, I'm going to be

the foxiest sister
at the concert.

I know you will be, baby.

Ooh, thanks, brother!

I hope you're proud
of yourself, James.

Now you got her
worshiping a wino.

Baby, all I know is

things are finally
getting together.

The Evans family is
starting to get some luck!

James, luck is not

what Jesus was sent to us for.

He was sent to us
to teach us humility

when things are going good

and faith to carry through
when things are bad.

[KNOCKING]

Now, get this straight.

Jesus has nothing
to do with luck.

Hey, man, your number hit!

Your number came in!

25 pennies gets you
150 of the long green.

Oh, have mercy.

Oh, BJ, you really got
us a roll going, baby!

James, you know that's
just another coincidence.

Anyway, you promised
you wouldn't gamble.

This ain't gambling.

With this dude
blowing on the dice,

ain't no chance
of me crapping out.

With you talking that way,

there's every chance
of me walking out.

I know you wouldn't
leave me now...

not just when things
are starting to go good.

That's the best time.

I love you too much to
leave you when it's going bad.

Florida, I've got
something to tell you.

Is it good news? Yeah.

Don't tell me.

What's happening, Willona?

Well, that good
luck hanging there

is seeping right
through the walls

into my apartment.

I just got a call
from the octopus

asking me for another date.

That don't sound like good news.

Well, it is.

I just found out he
owns a gas station.

Now I'll be able to say
those three little words.

I love you?

No, "Fill 'er up."

You're cashing in
too, huh, Willona?

I just hit the number.

Black Jesus, you're
really turning it on,

honey.

Don't you two understand?

It's still just a few
other coincidences.

I just got $5.00!

Oh, no!

You did it, BJ! You did it!

Where did you get $5.00 from?

Well, I was walking
down the street,

and there was this accident,

and the guy in the
car gave me $2.00

to say that the guy
in the truck did it,

and the guy in the
truck gave me $3.00

to say that the
guy in the car did it.

Did you see the accident?

Nope.

Then why didn't you
give those people

their money back?

I tried to, Mama, but
by then a cop came,

and nobody wanted no money back.

Hey, Thelma, I just got $5.00!

Great, Michael!
Well, how do I look?

This is what I'm
going to wear tonight.

Ooh, honey, let me look at you.

You look just like I
looked... five years ago.

Mm-mm-hm.

Ten.

Hmm?

Fifteen, and
that's my last offer.

Thelma, you look just fine.

Nobody going to be
looking at Isaac Hayes

at that concert tonight.

Here. Take $5.00 spending money.

James, she's already
got enough money

to go on a date with a boy...

a dollar and a dime.

A dime to call me
if she needs me,

and a dollar to get home
if she can't reach me.

A dollar and a dime,
hell. Keep the 5.

Let the boy know he's going
out with a rich man's daughter.

Thanks, Dad!

Well, I'm going to
go back to my place

and wait for some
more good news.

Maybe they'll call to tell me

that my ex-husband's
double hernia came back...

and I'm getting
custody of the truss.

Well, what do you got
to say now, woman?

Just one thing.

I've had it with
everybody believing in this.

Ned the Wino is going
back to the closet.

Let him perform his
miracle of the mothballs.

No, Black Jesus is
going back up on the wall,

where he's going to
continue to perform

the miracle of the Evans family.

That's final, baby.

Now, look here, Florida.

You got any other explanation
for all this good luck?

Yes, I have. What?

Has it ever occurred to
you that this is the first time

this family sat down for
more than five seconds

discussing the Lord?

Maybe that's why

all your good things
are happening.

Now, look, baby,

I'm not putting down
what you believe in,

but I also ain't giving
up the first good thing

I ever had going for me.

All you've got going
for you is superstition.

Call it what you to,
but, baby, it's working.

Now, look, I've got an interview

for a job tomorrow,
and it's a good one.

Maybe this time they
won't turn me down

'cause I only got a
sixth grade education.

Florida, I've got a
feeling I'm going to get it.

And with Black Jesus' help,

baby, I could work
myself up to foreman,

then plant manager,

then owner of the factory.

No, that's asking too much.

I'll settle for foreman, BJ.

You ought to settle
for a straitjacket.

What are you saying?

Look, James, don't you know

I'm wishing all the
best for you too?

When you go on that
job interview tomorrow,

I'll be praying for you.

Baby, you can pray all you want.

Now, he ain't going to
hurt, but he's going to help.

[YELLING]

Would you stop that noise?

Hush the noise.
Hush the noise, now.

Hey, Junior, how did it go?

I didn't even enter.

When I got there,
eight other dudes

had a painting of unique
Sweet Daddy Williams.

I think he's this month's
Jet Magazine centerfold.

Hey, JJ, did anybody
have a painting like this?

No.

Like I told you
in the first place,

this is the one
you should enter.

The Pan-African
Council would really dig it.

Maybe you're right, Michael.

Maybe that's the
kind of jive they go for.

Now, wait a minute, Junior.

You ain't going to
enter that in the exhibit.

But, Dad, it's his best shot.

Yeah, well, it's my
best shot too, son.

Now, I need him here, Junior.

He's made things happen for me.

Now, you've got a
lot of other paintings.

There must be something
else you can enter.

Nothing else as good.

You're going to have to
find something, Junior,

'cause my luck
ain't leaving this wall.

JJ couldn't win a prize

with any of his
paintings anyway.

That's how much you
know. JJ has real talent.

Yeah? Well, if
he's got real talent,

how come he never sold anything?

He will. Just give him time.

He's had lots of time,

but nothing's ever happened.

He said he was going to be star

of the basketball team,

and the coach dropped
him after the first practice.

That's only because
he was too tall.

When he jumped, his
nose got caught in the net.

There, he's clumsy.

That's enough of that, children.

He's not supposed
to be an athlete.

He's an artist.

An artist? He's an amateur.

Thelma, that's enough

of you putting
your brother down.

No, Ma.

Maybe Thelma's right.

Where do I get off

thinking I could win
a prize, anyway?

You need a whole bunch
of talent and training for that.

I ain't even close.

Now, you hold on
just one minute, Junior.

You're my son,

and the last thing I ever
want to hear you doing

is running down your own thing.

Now, painting is
your thing, ain't it?

Well, I want it to be.

Well, all right, then. Paint on.

What are you going to do, James?

Look, I know what I'm doing.
Just let me deal with this.

Here, son, you take
this down to the art show

and take it down there proud,

'cause you've got just as
much chance of winning

as any of the rest of them cats.

But what about your luck?

Junior, that's your
painting. It ain't mine.

I ain't got no right to it.

Don't just sit there with
your butt glued to the chair.

Get up and get to stepping.

Yes, sir. Thanks, Dad.

All right.

Uh, Junior...

You think maybe you
could get it Xeroxed?

Don't that make you feel good?

Yeah, baby, but you know,

it would have made
me feel a whole lot better

if I'd have waited
another half-hour

before I got rid of
Black Jesus. For what?

By then, the results would
be in from the last race.

James...

Hey, Junior, how did it go?

I lost.

Oh, son, I'm sorry.

That's all right, Mama.

Van Gogh wasn't famous
till after he was dead.

I ain't even lost an ear yet.

JAMES: Uh, wait
a minute, Junior.

Put him back in the closet.

Huh?

He ain't brought you no luck.

I think Black Jesus'
winning streak is over.

Okay.

Put him back on the wall, JJ.

Huh? You mean that, baby?

We might as well have
both of them up there.

With this family,

we can use all the
help we can get.

Dy-no-mite!

♪ Just looking out
of the window ♪

♪ Watching the asphalt grow ♪

♪ Thinking how it all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head above water... ♪

♪ Thinking how it all
looks hand-me-down ♪

♪ Good Times Good Times ♪

♪ Keeping your
head above water ♪

♪ Making a wave when you can ♪

♪ Temporary layoffs ♪

NARRATOR: Good
Times is recorded on tape

before a live audience.

♪ Easy credit rip-offs ♪

♪ Good Times ♪

♪ Ain't we lucky we got 'em ♪

♪ Good Times ♪♪