Good Talk with Anthony Jeselnik (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript

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[music darkens]

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- This is "Good Talk
with Anthony Jeselnik."

You just hit the jackpot,
and no,

I do not wish to elaborate.

My guest tonight is a comedian,
actor, and--get this--

an improviser to boot.
- [laughs]

- One of my favorite people
in comedy.

Thank you for being here,
Nick Kroll.



- Thanks for having me, Anthony.

- Nick, I think one
of the most interesting things

about our dynamic is that
you're, like, the nicest guy

in show business...
- Mm-hmm.

- And I'm pretty much
pure evil, straight from hell,

yet not only are we friends,

but we always have a blast
working together.

- Yes.
- Uh, why do you think that is,

and I'll tell you
if you're right.

- [laughs]

I think you're--uh, I'm not
as nice as people think

and you're not as mean
as people think,

and so we meet
somewhere in the middle there.

- But you are, like--
you're nice,



and I mean, like,
a genuine--a genuine nice,

not a fake showbiz nice.
- Thank you.

I believe being nice to be

a much easier path through life.

- Mm-hmm.
- You know?

- Yeah.
- I don't think you're rewarded

for being mean to people.

- I mean, I've made
a career out of it, but, uh,

I--I see what you're saying.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Uh, "Big Mouth,"
your show on Netflix...

- Yeah.
- Is so great.

What made you want
to get into animation?

- Couple things.

Andrew Goldberg was my partner
on the show,

and my best friend
from childhood

s--I've known him
since first grade,

and Mark Levin and Jen Flackett,

who--the four of us
created the show--

they brought me the idea

about me and Andrew
going through puberty,

and it just kind of--
it made sense.

Immediately, it just felt--
it was like, "Oh, yeah, yeah,"

and then I think also, I was--

had been doing "The League"
and "Kroll Show."

I was pretty spent,
uh, physically,

making those shows,

and also, like, feeling
a little weird

about my face
constantly being on,

like, recognized as much,

and so I think there was
a little bit

of, like, "Oh, animation
might be a good way

"to be able to make
the stuff I want to make

"but not always be, like,

so, uh, physically out front
on it."

- Cool.
Let's take a look at a clip

from the Valentine's Day special

on Netflix.

- I know what we should do.

Flick Nick's nips!

- Ow!
- Yeah.

- Jeepers, stop.
- Yeah, this is fun!

- Make them stop!
Make them stop!

- They don't need to stop.

They're having fun
at his expense.

That's what boys do.

- Boys are assholes.

- Guys, stop!

Why are you being so mean to me?

- He's having a really bad day.
- [cries]

- Nick, we were
just joking around.

- Yeah, you're acting
like a chick.

- I'm not acting like a chick.
[cries]

- He's just a boy with breasts.

[laughter]

- Great stuff, Nick.
- Thank you, Anthony.

- Great stuff.

Uh, why do you think
you're so obsessed

with kids going through puberty?

- [laughs]
- I mean, is it something

you, like, can't control?

- Uh, I think it was--
I mean, it was partly, like,

I hit puberty late, and it--

I think it really fucked me up.

Uh, I think, like,

being a late developer--

being any p--I mean,
puberty just kind of

is such a seminal--

what's so funny to you
right now?

- The idea of you
hitting puberty in college

just cracks me up.
- Yeah, yeah.

Like, sophomore year,

like, all of a sudden
being like,

"What is this zit on my face?"

[laughter]

Wake up, be in class
with a boner.

[distressed groan]

- College sounds like a blast.

- Yeah, uh, college was fun.

Um, honestly, I think

puberty's just such
a rough time.

You feel so alone
when you're going through it

that having a show or--

and now there's a few shows
that are sort of

all, like, talking
about this stuff,

like "PEN15" and, uh,
"Sex Education,"

and--and a few other shows

that are--are doing a good job

of talking about this stuff,

and it's just--I think
just because it's fruitful.

It's just like, there's stakes
to it all, you know?

- So to sum up, it's cool
and not at all weird

that you make this show?
- [laughs]

Yeah.
- And the show itself

is so dense with jokes.

I mean, every line is a joke...
- Mm-hmm.

- Which is different from,
you know, the "Kroll Show"

or your act.
- Mm-hmm.

- W--was that--I mean,

you have jokes,
but it is character pieces

where you're building
to something...

- Sure.
- When this is just, like,

rapid-fire, almost like, uh--

like "Airplane!" or, uh,

or, uh, "Naked Gun."
- Yeah.

- Was that--did that
come naturally

as you were writing it?

- I think that's the beauty
of animation

is you just keep getting
to pile jokes on stuff,

and there are so many ways
to tell jokes

in the just physically
laying out a scene

that--that is harder to do
in live action,

and you keep getting
to, like, polish animation,

so, like, we can add
another joke on top of that,

we can call back that,
and it's a much more--

yeah, it's just,
you're able to keep adding

and polishing, in a way.

- Uh, Nick, what was the theme
of your bar mitzvah?

- I had a world theme.

- Who cares?

[laughter]

- Uh, Nick, you do
both stand-up and improv.

It's so rare for people
to be so good at both.

- Mm-hmm.

- How do you come so close

to pulling it off?

[laughter]

- Oh, man.
I do believe I straddle--

there are so many times
when I feel like

it's a larger thing in my life,

where I'm like,
"Ooh, why do I straddle both?

Like, why do I dip my toe
into improv?"

and then I'll do improv shows
and be like,

"Fuck, man,
I wish I were more, like,

you know, my--that muscle
was warmer," you know?

And the same with stand-up,
where I'm like,

"Oh, I just can't fully commit

to, like, fully jumping in
and engaging it,"

but, um...

but also, you know,

who fucking cares?
You know?

Who cares about any of this?
- Not me.

I just wanted
to kind of slam you

in a question.
- Yeah, I figured.

- Nick, looking at IMDb...
- Mm-hmm?

- Did you know that that stands
for "Internet Movie Database"?

[laughter]

- I did.
- You did?

- Yeah.
We used to joke around

that it was called
"I am Debbie."

[laughter]

- I'll be right back
with Nick Kroll,

but first, please enjoy
some stunning examples

of timeless comedy.

- Oh, my last girlfriend--

she was calling my penis
what I thought was, like,

a big, powerful, scary nickname.

She was calling it a weapon
of mass destruction.

Ah, sounded cool.

But I found out
she was calling it that

'cause she thought my penis
was really hard to find.

- So they were playing
Puff Daddy at the place.

You guys like Puff Daddy?

- The last two summers,

we had the West Nile virus.

- One day, there may be
a black president,

but there will never be
a black president

named Barack Obama.

- We have iPods, for God's sake.

We have iPods!

- Anybody here on Myspace?

Myspace?
Yeah.

Right on.
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

- Lending a crackhead 20 bucks

is like loaning out
one of your good knives

to O.J. Simpson.

You're never gonna see it again.

- "Timeless" was ironic there.
- Yeah, I can tell.

[dramatic classical music]

- And I'm back
with "Good Talk."

Hey, Nick Kroll,
when did you get here?

- I g--[laughs] That's funny.

- Yeah, it is.
Yeah, it is.

Uh, Nick, you've been
doing comedy for so long

Uh, who are some of your, like--

your comedic influences...
- Mm.

- Besides the way golfers dress?

- [laughs]

Um...

Oh, you really wish
I didn't have this buttoned.

Do you feel the button work--

the button up to the top
works for the golfer joke?

- I'm glad you're doing it
so I don't have to.

- Yeah.
- But I know--

we wrote this joke
well in advance...

- Yes.
- Not knowing

what you were gonna be wearing.

- But you figured it would be
somewhere in the--

in that vibe.
- I've never seen you

not look like you could be
carrying golf clubs.

- Really?
- Yes.

- What if I didn't
play golf but I just

carried golf clubs around with
me, like that was my thing?

Um...

you know, a big one for--
especially for me and Andrew:

um, when--when we
were around this age,

when we were around the--
like, 13,

the boys in the show,

we would watch "Wayne's World"

basically, like, every day,

- The movie or the--
like, the sketch on "SNL"?

- Uh, originally the sketch,
and then the movie.

Like, I--I kind of know that--

I'd say that might be
the only movie

that at one point,
I knew, like, every word to,

um, because I just also--

like, Dana Carvey's a big one,

I'm realizing now more and more.

I just heard him on, uh,
"Howard Stern,"

and I was, like,
remembering, like,

his years on "SNL" and how--

like, what a fucking star
he was.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- And I was like, "Oh, right,"
and, like,

specifically,
the Wayne and Garth model

of two characters
who are in the same world

uh, and there's, like,
this status play at hand.

Like, so many of my characters
and things like that

have--have some version
of that dynamic,

like, "Oh, Hello"
with me and Mulaney,

or PubLizity,

or Bobby Bottleservice
and Peter Paparazzo

or, uh, Rich Dicks.

Like, all of--
a lot of "Kroll Show"

kind of functioned
in some version of that duo

where Wayne and Garth
clearly are these two guys

from the exact same world
and--and environment,

and yet they have
these very different, like, uh,

status plays on it.

So that was a big one for me.
I love that movie.

- It's so funny,
running into Dana Carvey now.

Like, I grew up
the same way as you,

like, watching him
and being like,

"This guy's a genius,

the funniest person ever."
- Mm-hmm.

- And now, because he has kids

who are, like,
in their early 20s

and getting into stand-up,
he knows who we are.

Like, he came up to me
and wanted to shake my hand,

and I was like,
"I can't believe this guy

that I've loved my whole life

like, wants to meet me...."
- Yeah.

- And, uh--and talk to me
about his kids.

- Yeah, I, uh, did not have
that version of it with him.

Uh, I approached him.
He, uh...

He blew me off a couple times,
and then

and then someone introduced me
and said,

"Dana, you should know--
you should know

"who Nick Kroll is.

He's a contemporary
of Anthony Jeselnik."

- Yes, um...

- At which point, he engaged me,

and so I'm very grateful
to you for that.

- Let's cleanse ourselves
of this awkwardness right now

and watch a clip

from, uh,
the movie "Wayne's World."

- Great.
I love that movie.

- Did you ever find
Bugs Bunny attractive

when he put on a dress
and played a girl bunny?

- No.

[laughs]

[both laugh]

No.

- Neither did I.

I was--I was just asking.

- Still holds up today.
- Mm-hmm.

- Now, you said you and Andrew,
when you were younger,

would reenact "Wayne's World."

Was it, like, word for word,
you would do the sketches,

or would you make up your own?

- I think it was probably
a combination therein.

It was like, we would host, um--

I don't know, Anthony, if
you knew this, but I'm Jewish.

I don't know if you knew
that about me.

- Huh.
- Yeah, uh, and, uh,

I went to a Jewish day school

and we would, uh

Andrew and I would host, like,

the Purim talent show

as Wayne and Garth.

Um, do you know what Purim is?

- I don't even know
what day school is.

- Oh, God.
[laughs]

- Were there
Jewish night schools

for kids who were just too busy?

[laughter]

- They were already, like,

selling electronics and diamonds

during the day,
they were doing...

[laughter]

They were doing
elementary school at night.

Um, so anyway,

they--it was
the Purim talent show.

We hosted it.
I think we did--

it's like the Mad Libs of--
of you take, like,

the basis of Wayne's World bits

and then you replace it,
you know,

with, like, local references.

You know.
- Sure.

Do you see yourself as more
of a Wayne or a Garth?

- It really depends on the bit.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I'll comfortably go th--

like, both, play both.

- Who would you say I am?

- [laughs]

I think you're beta.
I think you're a--no.

- I'm Rob Lowe.

- You're Rob Lowe?
- Mm-hmm.

- How so?

- I hate both you guys

and I'm--
- Oh.

- And I'm gonna do my best

to steal Wayne's girlfriend.
- Yeah.

Tia Carrere.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

- Still getting it done.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Uh, Nick,
the Emmy-winning show

"Entourage"...
- Uh-huh.

- Aired from 2004 to 2011,

the golden age of television.

- Oh, yeah.
- I assume you are familiar?

- Oh, [high-pitched] yeah!

- Great.

We're gonna play a game
right now

called "Actual turtle,
or Turtle from 'Entourage'?"

- Copy.
- I'm gonna describe something.

- Mm-hmm.
- You tell me if I'm describing

an actual turtle...
- Uh-huh.

- Or Turtle
from the show "Entourage."

- Copy that.

- This turtle brings
street smarts

and an urban flavor
to actor Vinnie Chase

and his friends

and is a frequent user
of marijuana.

- This is Turtle
from "Entourage."

- It's your boy, Turtle!

- Oh, yeah!

[laughter]

- This turtle spends
its entire life at sea

except to lay eggs
several times,

every two to five years.

- I think that's
an actual turtle.

- It's your girl, sea turtle.

- Oh, yeah!

- [laughs] I saw turtles.

I met--I met a bunch of turtles.

I saw turtles fuck.

I went to the Galapagos
and I saw turtles,

like, old turtles fuck,

and they fucked
for, like, nine hours.

- Why in the hell
would you bring that up now?

[laughter]

This turtle's diminutive size

and softer-than-average exterior

often forces it into submissive,

or bitch-type, roles,

by its more dominant peers.

- I think that's gonna be
an actual turtle.

- No, it's your boy, Turtle.

- Oh, yeah!

- [sighs]

- This turtle once dated
Jamie-Lynn Sigler,

who has since been diagnosed
with multiple sclerosis.

- I'm gonna say that that's
the actual Turtle--

that's a tur-- that's Turtle--

I'm so flustered.

Um...

That is the actual Turtle
from "Entourage,"

is what I want to say.

- It's your boy, Turtle.

- Oh, yeah!

Great job, Nick.
- Mm-hmm.

- You only got one wrong,

which is shocking.

- Mm-hmm.

- We'll be right back
with more of two white guys

telling it like it is
right after this.

It's "Good Talk."

[bright classical music]

- We're right in the middle
of "Good Talk."

I'm Anthony Jeselnik,

this is Nick Kroll,

and it's too late
to turn back now.

Now, Nick, have you ever seen
the movie "Sophie's Choice"?

- Yes.
- Okay, great.

Then you're gonna be great
at this.

This is just like
"Sophie's Choice,"

It's called
"Agree or disagree."

- Okay.
- I'm gonna read you

a statement about comedy.
- Great.

- You're gonna tell me
if you agree with it

or disagree with it...
- Sure.

- Just like "Sophie's Choice."
- Great. It's amazing.

I totally zoned out during that,

but I think I'll remember now.
- Mm-hmm.

Agree or disagree.

Internet comments are helpful

and worth taking time to peruse.

- Uh, disagree.

- Disagree.
You've never gotten

anything good
out of reading comments.

- I think--I--
I remember, years ago,

watching a show
called "Iconoclasts"

on the Sundance Channel...
- Mm-hmm.

- Which is ostensibly
what we're doing here.

You know, Robert Redford
and Paul Newman

interview each other.

Turns out, Paul Newman's
cooler than Robert Redford.

- Mm-hmm.
- That is a--

- By a mile.
- Yes, correct.

So they had Maya Angelou
and Dave Chappelle

on an episode,

and Chappelle asked Maya Angelou

"How do you deal
with criticism?"

And Maya Angelou
ostensibly said,

"If you don't pick up
the compliments,

then you don't have to pick up
the criticism, either."

- Mm-hmm.
- And I've tried my best

to live by that ethos.

Like, if you don't--yeah.

If you don't let what--
anything coming in affect you

and what you're trying to do,

then--then the--

the negative stuff has
a lot less of an effect on you.

- But doesn't Maya Angelou
deserve all the shit she gets?

- [laughs]

Yeah.

- Uh, agree or disagree--

- Does it feel good
when you know--

when you know you got it?

When does that pop
into your head?

Like, when do you know
you're, like,

"I'm gonna fucking take down
Maya Angelou in a second"?

- Honestly, I'm so used to it

that, uh--that she shouldn't
have come at me.

- [laughs]
- You know what I mean?

Agree or disagree:
when it comes to stand-up,

you should just have fun
up there.

- [laughs]

See, you're telegraphing
in your delivery

where you stand on this.

I--I have-- for me personally,

I have to have fun up there.

Uh, I have to.
It cannot be--

because I don't write jokes
like you,

um, part of what is interesting
or charming about me

is going to be seemingly

that there's
something happening onstage

that might not happen again,

that is, like, this moment,

whereas everybody knows

that you sit alone
in a dark room

and write these awful thoughts.

- Yes,

but if I am having fun--

like, if it's not going well,

but I'm still having fun...
- Mm-hmm.

- It's still a good show.
- Yes.

- But I've done shows--like,
two shows in a night,

where I hate the first crowd
and I'm furious

and I'm just getting through it,

and the second crowd is amazing.

Uh, they're just, like,
giving me all the energy

and I'm having
the time of my life,

I'll walk offstage and be like,

"I hated that first show,
loved the second show,"

and someone will go,
"Anthony, watching you,

you cannot tell
the difference."

- Right, right.
- "Your character

"is so locked in
that any joy is lost.

"Like, the-- we have no idea,

uh, what's going
through your head."

- Yeah.

- Agree or disagree:

singing, dancing,
or playing an instrument

is cheating in stand-up comedy.

- [exhales pointedly]

Oh.
I disagree.

- Why?

Who are you trying to protect?

- So many people.

Uh, you know--
you know what it was?

It was, I thought
the question was just gonna be,

"Singing, dancing,
or playing music,"

and I was just gonna say
dancing.

Like, I didn't know there was
gonna be more to the question.

I was like, "Oh, I know
the answer to this,

I know it," and I wasn't even
agree or disagree.

I just knew that I was like--
my answer is "dancing,"

um, and then,
as you finished the question,

then I was like,
"What if I danced onstage?"

I'd like to dance onstage.

Uh, but I've never done it
because it's not, uh, funny

and it just makes me
wanting to seem cool.

- You want to dance onstage?

- I wanna dance onstage.

I wanna dance--
I just wanna dance, I think.

- I mean, you could Ellen it up

if you wanted to.
- Oh, my God.

- People would love it.
- Would you dance

when on "Ellen"?
- No, I don't dance

at, like, places
where people go to dance.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

If you see me dancing,
call an ambulance

because I am--I am this close
to alcohol poisoning.

- [laughs]
- It happens,

but, uh--but I am--
I am dead drunk.

- Oh, man.

If you just walked into a club

and saw you dancing alone
to, like, Morrissey...

- Mm-hmm.
- Just like,

like, weeping
on the dance floor,

just kind of, like,
swinging back and forth.

- Would you go into that bar?

- Yeah, I would fucking go
to that bar

and hang out.

Um...

uh, do I think it's cheating?
What do you think?

- I think there are exceptions.

- Yeah?
- You know what I mean?

Like, Steve Martin played
the banjos sometimes.

- Sure.
- Like, great.

You know, he's still
a great stand-up.

Uh, I think
that stand-up, though,

is a pure art form,

and that it should just be

you and a microphone.
- Yeah.

- Uh, last one.

Agree or disagree:

more children
should be doing stand-up.

- [laughs] Disagree.

I-I don't think more children

should be doing stand-up,
Anthony.

- Me too.
I agree with you on that one.

- Oh, that's awesome.

I don't think kids

should be able
to do any show business.

- Mm?
What about porn?

- That's fine.

- Did somebody say D block?
all: No.

- Well, then I guess
the honor is mine.

D block, coming up next.

The talk is good.

- [laughs]

[stately classical music]

[dramatic classical music]

- Time to wrap it up
like a PSA from the '90s.

Nick, I like to end every show

with a segment called
"Make God laugh,"

where we talk
about a comedian friend of ours

who's no longer with us.

Tell me about your experience
with Brody Stevens.

- The amazing thing
about Brody is he--

especially when he passed away,
you realized

he knew every comedian

like, from movie stars

to, like, open mic-ers,

'cause he kind of
continued to do

every type of show.

Like, as we stopped doing, like,

like, the smaller, like,
back-of-a-bar shows,

he continued to do those shows,

so everybody has, like,
their version of--

of being around him,

but I met him, I don't know,

probably like '04
or something like that

the first time in LA, or--

uh, and he's just--you just--

he's kind of
an immediate, uh, presence.

- And I--most people
know him as a stand-up.

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, I certainly didn't know

he did any acting,

but let's take a look at a clip

of, uh, Brody Stevens
on "Kroll Show."

- I'm here to get you in shape.

I wanna whip you up.
You wanna be a father?

- Yeah!
- Pushing the stroller.

Taking them to school.

Soccer practice.

- I'ma make my kid proud

by getting all jacked up!

- Get jacked up!

- Yeah, let's do this!
- Let's do this!

- Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam!

- Don't sh--no, no, no.
Don't shoot the surfboard.

- Okay, I got carried away,
Lactic.

- You got carried away.

- We love you, Brody.

I hope God is enjoying

watching you do
a bunch of push-ups

right now.

I'd like to thank my guest,
Nick Kroll,

for putting his career
in my hands.

Nick, you were hilarious
tonight,

a great friend,
an even better guest,

- Tony Jes, thanks so much
for having me.

- Make sure to check out
season three of "Big Mouth"

on Netflix
and "The Addams Family"

in theaters soon--or now.

We tape these
pretty far in advance.

Check your local listings
or something.

That's "Good Talk."

[dark classical music]

♪ ♪

[stately classical music]

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