Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 5, Episode 4 - Celebrity Roast - full transcript

(Alton Brown)
5,000 B.C. --

A FEAST CELEBRATING
THE VERNAL EQUINOX

HAS AT ITS CENTER
A WILDEBEEST ROAST.

1198 A.D. --
A FEAST CELEBRATING

THE ENGLISH CONQUEST
OF THE FRENCH

INCLUDES ELK, SWAN,
AND BEAR ROASTS.

2001 A.D. --
A FEAST CELEBRATING
THE NUPTIALS

OF MARGARET
AND HAROLD WILSON

HAS AT ITS CENTER
A ROAST BEEF.

SINCE THE DAWN OF CUISINE,
NO FEAST HAS BEEN COMPLETE

WITHOUT A BIG OL' HUNK
OF ROAST BEAST.



THE TROUBLE IS THAT
EVERY TIME A MODERN COOK

REACHES FOR ONE OF THOSE SKIMPY
LITTLE SINGLE-SERVING CUTS,

THE ROAST AND ITS
MARVELOUS MOUND OF LEFTOVERS

COMES JUST A LITTLE BIT
CLOSER TO EXTINCTION,

AND THAT IS A REAL SHAME,

BECAUSE IF HISTORY HAS
TAUGHT US ANYTHING, IT'S...
(guests)
WOW!

(guests applauding)
IT'S THAT NO MATTER
HOW LAME THE TOAST,

A GOOD ROAST
IS ALWAYS GOOD EATS.

AGAIN?

LIKE BARBECUE,
TOAST, AND CREAM,

THE WORD ROAST SUFFERS FROM
MULTIPLE MEANING DISORDER.

AMONG ITS MANY CONNOTATIONS,

ROAST CAN REFER
TO THE EXPOSURE
OF FOOD TO DRY HEAT,

LIKE "CHESTNUTS ROASTING
ON AN OPEN FIRE."



ROAST CAN ALSO MEAN
ANY CUT OF MEAT

THAT CAN BE OR HAS BEEN
PREPARED BY SUCH ACTION.

TECHNICALLY, THIS MEANS
THAT POT ROAST

ISN'T REALLY A ROAST AT ALL
BECAUSE IT'S BRAISED,
NOT ROASTED.

NOW REGARDLESS
OF THE CRITTER
FROM WHICH IT COMES,

ALL TRUE ROASTS
SHARE CERTAIN
COMMON PHYSICAL SHAPES.

FOR ONE THING, THEY'VE GOT
A LOW SURFACE-TO-MASS RATIO,

MEANING THEY'RE SHAPED
MORE LIKE A SPUTNIK

THAN A DICTIONARY.

THEY ALSO WORK AND PLAY WELL
WITH DRY HEAT,

AND THAT MEANS THEY'VE GOTTA
COME FROM TENDER REGIONS
OF THE BODY.

TAKE A LOOK.

REGARDLESS OF THE QUADRUPED
IN QUESTION,

ANY MAP OF THE ROAST WORLD
WOULD HAVE TO INCLUDE

THE RIB AND LOIN PRIMALS,
AS WELL AS THE TENDERLOIN,

AND MAYBE,
TO A LESSER EXTENT,

THE SIRLOIN,
PARTS OF THE RUMP

AND PARTS
OF THE INSIDE ROUND --

ALL MUSCLES
THAT EITHER DO...

WELL, ALMOST NO WORK OR JUST
A LITTLE BIT OF WORK.

SOUNDS SIMPLE, RIGHT?

AND YET, IRONICALLY,
THE HARDEST PART
ABOUT ROASTING

IS FINDING THE RIGHT ROAST
TO ROAST.

QUESTION.

HOW CAN ANY CULTURE THAT HAS
MORE LAWYERS THAN BUTCHERS

CALL ITSELF A CIVILIZATION?

HEY, MY BROTHER'S
A LAWYER.

OOH, THE SHAME
YOUR PARENTS MUST BEAR.

WELL, AT LEAST
THEY STILL HAVE ME.
TRUE.

TELL ME,
WHAT DO YOU ROAST

WHEN YOU WANNA ROAST SOMETHING
REALLY SPECIAL?

AH, THAT'S EASY.

IT WOULD HAVE TO BE
A STANDING RIB ROAST.
AH, HE MUST MEAN
A PRIME RIB.

NOT NECESSARILY...
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE
THERE.

PRIME RIB MUST COME
FROM PRIME BEEF.

OTHERWISE, IT'S JUST
A STANDING RIB ROAST.

PRIME IS THE SOLID GOLD WATCH
OF THE BEEF WORLD.

IT'S BEAUTIFULLY FORMED
AND HEAVILY MARBLED.

YOU NOTICE THERE'S
NOT A LOT OF FAT
AROUND THE MEAT,

BUT THERE'S A GOOD BIT
INSIDE THE MEAT.

THAT MEANS IT'S GOING
TO MELT IN YOUR MOUTH

WHEN IT'S COOKED.

UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S NOT
A LOT OF PRIME OUT THERE,

SO YOU'RE GONNA BE
HARD-PRESSED TO FIND IT

OUTSIDE OF A TOP STEAKHOUSE
OR A SPECIALTY BUTCHER SHOP.

PERSONALLY,
I'M MORE THAN HAPPY

TO COOK AND CONSUME
A PIECE OF PRIME BEEF,

AS LONG AS SOMEBODY ELSE
IS PAYING FOR IT.

ONE NOTCH DOWN
IS CHOICE BEEF.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE WATCH
YOU'D WEAR TO WORK

AND TO THE OCCASIONAL WEDDING.

THERE'S NOT AS MUCH
INTRAMUSCULAR FAT

AND THERE'S A LITTLE MORE
AROUND THE OUTER MASS,

BUT THERE'S PLENTY
OF BEEF FLAVOR HERE

IN A RELATIVELY HIGH
MEAT-TO-BONE RATIO.

WHEN I'M BUYING,
I USUALLY BUY CHOICE.

NEXT DOWN IS SELECT.

SELECT IS KIND OF LIKE,
YOU KNOW,

THAT WATCH YOU KEEP
IN YOUR DESK AT WORK

WHEN YOU LEAVE
YOUR "REAL" WATCH AT HOME.

THERE'S A GOOD BIT OF BONE,
A GOOD BIT OF CONNECTIVE TISSUE,

AND IT'S KIND OF CHEWY.

THE TRUTH IS, MOST BUTCHERS
DON'T EVEN DEAL WITH THIS STUFF

EXCEPT AS STEW MEAT.

IT MAKES GREAT STEW
BECAUSE THERE'S A LOT
OF CONNECTIVE TISSUE.

WHEN IT COMES TO ROAST,
I'LL TAKE THAT ONE.

THAT'S A GREAT PIECE
OF MEAT, MR. B.,

BUT I'D SUGGEST
THIS ONE.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?
THEY'RE BOTH RIB ROASTS.

IT'S OFF
OF THE SAME RIB CUT,

BUT THIS COMES
FROM THE LOIN END.

WHAT DIFFERENCE
DOES THAT MAKE?

IT'S GOT ONE LESS
CONNECTIVE TISSUE,

AND IT ALSO HAS LESS
BONE MASS IN THERE,
AS WELL.

SO POUND FOR POUND,
DOLLAR FOR DOLLAR,

YOU'RE GETTING
MORE MEAT.
SO LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT.

SAME CUT,
BETTER VALUE,
LESS MONEY.
THAT'S CORRECT.

I'LL TAKE
FOUR BONES' WORTH.

HA HA HA...
ANOTHER GREAT REASON

FOR HAVING YOUR OWN
PERSONAL BUTCHER.

OF COURSE, WHEN YOU'RE
BUYING BEEF THESE DAYS,

YOU'RE GONNA RUN
INTO SOME OTHER TERMS

YOU'RE GONNA BE
CURIOUS ABOUT --

ALL NATURAL,
CERTIFIED ORGANIC,

HORMONE-FREE,
FOR INSTANCE.

CHRIS, THANKS
FOR SETTING ME UP, MAN.

JUST PUT THIS
ON MY TAB, OKAY?
UH, MR. B., I'M
GONNA NEED SOME CASH.

OH, BOTHER.

LIKE BALSAMIC VINEGAR
AND HARD CHEESE,

BEEF IMPROVES WITH AGE.

THAT'S BECAUSE,
LIKE VINEGAR AND CHEESE,

BEEF IS MOSTLY WATER.

IN FACT, ABOUT 8 1/2 POUNDS
OF THIS 10 1/2-POUND ROAST

IS, INDEED, H2O, A SUBSTANCE
NOT FAMOUS FOR ITS FLAVOR.

HOWEVER, IN JUST A FEW DAYS,

WE CAN ELIMINATE
ENOUGH OF THAT WATER

TO SERIOUSLY INTENSIFY
THE FLAVOR OF THE MEAT.

THIS IS GOING TO TAKE TIME,
BUT THAT'S OKAY,

BECAUSE MEANWHILE,
ENZYMES INSIDE THE MEAT

WILL BE HARD AT WORK
BREAKING DOWN CONNECTIVE TISSUE,

AND THAT MEANS
A MORE TENDER PIECE OF MEAT.

OF COURSE, THERE'S
A NOT-SO-WIDE LINE

BETWEEN AGING AND ROTTING,

SO WE HAVE TO OBSERVE
SOME GUIDELINES.

WE NEED A TEMPERATURE
BETWEEN 36 AND 38 DEGREES,

HUMIDITY AROUND 50 PERCENT,
AND PLENTY OF AIR CIRCULATION.

SOUNDS LIKE A JOB FOR...

YOUR FRIENDLY,
NEIGHBORHOOD CHILL CHEST.

NOW YOU COULD
LEAVE THE ROAST JUST
HANGIN' AROUND ON A PLATE,

BUT WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT RAW MEAT HERE.

THAT'S WHY I COVER MINE
WITH THIS PROLIFICALLY
PERFORATED PLASTIC BIN.

THE HOLES PROMOTE AIR FLOW
WHILE THE MEAT'S JUICES
ARE SAFELY SEQUESTERED.

NOW JUST PUT THIS
AS FAR BACK AND DOWN
IN YOUR FRIDGE AS POSSIBLE.

HOW LONG?

WELL, AS LITTLE AS 24 HOURS
WOULD MAKE A DIFFERENCE,

BUT FOR A 10-POUNDER
LIKE THIS, 72 HOURS
WOULD BE A LOT BETTER.

OH, YOU DO HAVE
ONE OF THESE, DON'T YOU?

THREE DAYS LATER,
AND THE MEAT

DEFINITELY LOOKS DRY
ON THE OUTSIDE.

HOW DRY IS IT REALLY?
WELL...

WOW, NINE POUNDS.

THAT'S A LOSS OF SOMETHING
LIKE, 12.7 PERCENT.

THAT MEANS THE MEAT'S
GOING TO TASTE
THAT MUCH MORE INTENSE

AND BE THAT MUCH
MORE TENDER.

NOW IF YOU'VE AGED MORE
THAN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

YOU MIGHT NOTICE SOME LITTLE
LEATHERY SPOTS ON THE MEAT.

THAT'S OKAY,
JUST TRIM THEM OFF,

MAKING THE CUTS
AS SHALLOW AS POSSIBLE.

YOU MAY ALSO NOTICE
A SLIGHTLY FUNKY AROMA.

THAT'S OKAY, THAT'S
THE SMELL OF SUCCESS.

NOW JUST COVER AND LEAVE
ON THE COUNTER FOR AN HOUR.

BY STARTING WITH
A ROOM-TEMPERATURE ROAST,

THERE'S GOING TO BE
LESS OF A DIFFERENTIAL

BETWEEN THE OVEN AND THE
INNER CORE OF THE MEAT,

AND THAT IS GOING TO HELP
THE ROAST TO COOK
MORE EVENLY THROUGHOUT.

IT ALSO GIVES US
TIME TO CONSIDER

THE COOKING APPARATUS
ITSELF.

TO ILLUSTRATE
HOW UTTERLY ELEMENTARY

ROASTING A GREAT ROAST IS,

I HAVE OPTED TO ROAST
MY ROAST HERE,

IN MY BROTHER'S OVEN.

AH, DON'T WORRY,
HE'S NOT GONNA MISS IT --

HE'S AT AN ORTHODONTISTS'
CONVENTION IN VEGAS.

BESIDES, I'M NOT SURE
HE WOULD MISS IT
EVEN IF HE WAS HERE.

NOW DO WE BRAVE A LOOK
INSIDE?

I'M AFRAID WE MUST.

HEY...
I FIGURED THAT MIXER
FOR A GONER.

UGH...

YOU KNOW, MOST OF US --
CERTAINLY MY BROTHER --

TAKE THIS SPACE FOR GRANTED
AND EVEN ABUSE IT A LITTLE,

AND THAT'S BAD, BECAUSE
WHEN IT COMES TO OVENS,

CLEANLINESS
IS NEXT TO HOT-LINESS.

NOW LET'S SAY,
FOR JUST A MINUTE,

THAT THIS IS THE INTERIOR
OF A REALLY CLEAN OVEN.

OKAY NOW, DEPENDING
ON WHETHER YOU OWN
GAS OR ELECTRIC,

WHEN YOU TURN
THAT THERMOSTAT TO BAKE,

ONE OF TWO THINGS
IS GONNA HAPPEN.

EITHER AN ELECTRIC COIL
LOCATED RIGHT ALONG THE FLOOR

IS GONNA START GLOWING RED,

OR A GAS BURNER LOCATED
JUST UNDER THE FLOOR

IS GOING TO FIRE.

EITHER WAY,
THE AIR NEAR THE FLOOR

IS GOING TO ABSORB AIR,
EXPAND,

AND GO UP
TO YOUR FOOD.

THERE IT'S GOING TO GIVE UP
SOME OF ITS HEAT
AND RETURN...

A LITTLE BIT COOLER,
THUS SETTING UP
A CONVECTION CURRENT,

WHICH, IF YOU HAVE
A CONVECTION OVEN,

IS GOING TO BE ENHANCED
BY AN ELECTRIC FAN.

BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE
GOING ON HERE, TOO.

INFRARED WAVES
ARE BEING EMITTED,

EITHER BY THE COIL
OR BY THE OVEN FLOOR ITSELF.

NOW THESE WAVES
ARE GONNA RICOCHET
ALL AROUND THE OVEN,

AND GIVEN TIME,
THEY'RE GONNA HIT YOUR FOOD

FROM JUST ABOUT
EVERY ANGLE --

EVEN THE NOOKS AND CRANNIES
OF THIS CHICKEN.

NOW SINCE THERE'S A PAN
PROTECTING YOUR FOOD

FROM DIRECT
THERMAL ONSLAUGHT,

THIS IS A RELATIVELY
MILD COOKING METHOD.

I MEAN, IT DOESN'T CARRY
THE KIND OF ENERGY WHOMP

AS 350-DEGREE OIL.

THEREIN LIES
THE ESSENCE OF ROASTING --

EVEN, OMNIDIRECTIONAL HEAT.

BUT WHAT HAPPENS
IF YOUR OVEN WALLS

ARE ALL SCUMMED UP?

(splat! sploosh!)
(globs hitting surface)

NOW THE ENERGY
MEANT FOR YOUR ROAST

IS BEING EITHER
DEFLECTED BY,

OR ABSORBED BY, THE GRUNGE
ON YOUR OVEN WALLS.
("chicken")
EEK.

NOW THAT'S NOT SAY
THAT YOUR BEAST

ISN'T GOING TO TAKE
A FEW HITS HERE AND THERE.

BUT BELIEVE ME, IN THE END,
IT'S GONNA END UP

BEING DONE ON ONE SIDE
AND UNDERDONE ON THE OTHER.

WELL, THERE'S
NO WAY MY ROAST

IS GONNA GET
A FAIR TRIAL IN HERE.

I COULD TAKE THE TIME
TO RUN IT THROUGH

MAYBE THREE OR FOUR
SELF-CLEANING CYCLES,

BUT I COULD ALSO FIND
AN INTERMEDIARY STRUCTURE.

EXCUSE ME A MOMENT.

NOW IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY,
THE ORIGINAL DUTCH OVENS

WERE MADE OF BRICK,
NOT CAST IRON,

AND THAT MAKES SENSE,
BECAUSE NOTHING

HEATS AS EVENLY
AS CERAMIC.

NOW THIS TERRA-COTTA PLANTER
BORROWED FROM A NEIGHBOR

IS GOING TO SOAK UP
WHATEVER HEAT

THIS THERMO-GEEZER
CAN GENERATE

AND THEN RADIATE IT EVENLY
TO THE ROAST.

NOW TO AVOID THERMAL SHOCK,

WE'RE GONNA START THIS
IN A COLD OVEN.

OH, AND SINCE WE'RE GONNA
WANT TO MAKE A PAN SAUCE,

WE'RE GONNA NEED ANOTHER
VESSEL THAT WILL FIT INSIDE,

JUST BIG ENOUGH
TO HOLD THE ROAST.

NOW WE WILL
BRING THIS UP TO HEAT,

BUT REMEMBER, NEVER,
EVER, TRUST AN OVEN.

MOST RELIABLE ROAST RECIPES

SUGGEST A TWO-TIERED
COOKING APPROACH.

FIRST, YOU SEAR THE MEAT
OVER HIGH HEAT

IN ORDER TO CREATE
A GOLDEN-BROWN
AND DELICIOUS CRUST,

THEN YOU DROP
THE TEMPERATURE

SO THAT THE ROAST
CAN FINISH LOW AND SLOW.

NOW THIS IS
A FINE PHILOSOPHY,

AND YET, FATALLY FLAWED,

BECAUSE THE HIGHER
THE HEAT INVOLVED

THE MORE PROTEINS
IN THE MEAT ARE DAMAGED,

THEREFORE THE MORE JUICE
IS LOST.

SO IF WE GIVE IT
ALL THIS HIGH HEAT
AT THE VERY BEGINNING,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
MORE JUICE LOST

THROUGH THE COOKING PROCESS,
SO I SAY, FLIP IT.

WE'RE GONNA START THE ROAST
AT A BALMY 200 DEGREES,

UNTIL IT REACHES
A CERTAIN INTERNAL TEMP,

THEN WE'LL PUT
THE SPURS TO IT.

IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL TAKE
A LITTLE TIME TO PREP

AND MAYBE CHECK ON
A FIRE EXTINGUISHER.

GOOD BEEF,
APPROPRIATELY AGED,

NEEDS VERY LITTLE HELP
IN THE FLAVOR DEPARTMENT.

A RUBDOWN WITH
A LITTLE CANOLA OIL,

A FEW GRINDS
OF BLACK PEPPER,

AND A LITTLE KOSHER SALT
IS ALL WE NEED.

NOW ASIDE FROM SEASONING,

THE SALT WILL ACTUALLY COAX
PROTEIN-RICH LIQUIDS

TO THE SURFACE OF THE MEAT,

AND THAT WILL AID
IN CRUST CREATION LATER ON.

ONCE UPON A TIME, DONENESS
WAS BELIEVED TO BE A FACTOR

OF WEIGHT, TIME,
AND OVEN TEMPERATURE.

SEE?
"BEEF, 20 MINUTES PER POUND
AT 300 DEGREES."

THIS LED TO MANY
A DISCOURAGED COOK

AND DISAPPOINTED DINER,

BECAUSE THIS FORMULA
CANNOT FACTOR IN

THE MOST CRITICAL
PIECE OF INFORMATION
IN MEAT COOKERY --

THE SHAPE OF THE MEAT
TO BE COOKED.

AND SINCE THAT'S A RATHER
FUZZY PIECE OF LOGIC,

I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
SKIP THE TIME THING
ALTOGETHER.

TRUTH IS, THE ONLY WAY
TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON
IN YOUR MEAT

IS TO TAKE ITS TEMPERATURE.

NOW THERE ARE A LOT OF
DIFFERENT MEAT THERMOMETERS
TO CHOOSE FROM,

BUT I LIKE THE PROBE STYLE
THAT CAN STAY INSIDE THE MEAT

THROUGHOUT
THE COOKING PROCESS.

I LIKE KNOWING
WHAT'S GOING ON.

POSITIONING THE PROBE
IS CRUCIAL.

JUST SET THE PROBE
RIGHT IN DEAD CENTER

AND DRIVE IT DOWN
INTO CENTER MASS.

JUST MAKE SURE
YOU DON'T HIT ANY BONES.

PERFECT.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW --
210 DEGREES, I'LL BUY THAT.

NOW THE RIG COMES OUT...

LID COMES OFF...

THE ROAST GOES IN...

WATCH OUT FOR THE PROBE.

THE LID GOES BACK ON,

THE RIG GOES IN THE OVEN,

AND OF COURSE,
SO DOES THE THERMOMETER,

JUST SO YOU CAN
KEEP A CHECK ON THINGS.

HOW IS A TEN-POUND ROAST
LIKE A SCRAMBLED EGG?

WELL, IF THEY'RE BOTH DONE
WHEN THEY COME OUT OF THE PAN,

THEY'LL BE OVERDONE
BY THE TIME THEY HIT THE PLATE.

THAT'S BECAUSE FOOD
DOESN'T STOP COOKING

JUST BECAUSE YOU
TURN OFF THE HEAT.

THERE'S SUCH A THING
AS CARRYOVER HEAT,

AND THE GREATER THE MASS,
THE MORE THE TEMPERATURE

IS GOING TO RISE
POST-OVEN.

NOW AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

THERE'S ONLY ONE TEMPERATURE
FOR A RIB ROAST,

THAT NARROW RANGE OF JOY

IN BETWEEN 127 AND
132 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT,

CALLED MEDIUM-RARE.

NOW I'M GONNA COUNT ON
ABOUT 10 TO 12 DEGREES
OF CARRYOVER,

SO I'M GONNA SET THE ALARM
ON MY THERMOMETER

TO GO OFF AT 118 DEGREES.

NOW HOW LONG
IS THIS GONNA TAKE?

WELL, THAT DEPENDS
ON THE ROAST.

(beep-beep-beep-beep...)
(thermometer alarm sounding)

IT SEEMS WE HAVE ARRIVED

AT OUR FIRST THERMAL
DESTINATION, 118 DEGREES.

WELL, LET'S JUST TAKE A LOOK
AT WHAT'S HAPPENED INSIDE.

UGH...

NOW BE CAREFUL
WHEN YOU OPEN THIS,

'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE
SOME STEAM, ALL RIGHT?

OPEN IT AWAY FROM YOU.

WELL GEE, NICE,
BUT KIND OF PALLID,

BUT THAT'S OKAY, IT'S ONLY
MOSTLY COOKED AT THIS POINT.

STILL, WE'RE GONNA
GIVE THIS A REST.

JUST TAKE IT STRAIGHT UP
TO A COOLING RACK

OR A CUTTING BOARD --
WHATEVER --

AND THEN COVER IT
WITH FOIL.

BUT YOU DON'T WANNA
PULL OUT THAT PROBE,

SO JUST CUT THE FOIL
TO GO AROUND IT.
(beep-beep-beep-beep...)
(alarm sounding)

BE SURE TO TURN OFF
YOUR ALARM.

THERE...
NOW HOW LONG
TO LET THIS REST?

WELL, UNTIL THIS
STOPS GOING UP.

THAT SHOULD BE
JUST ENOUGH TIME

TO GO TO OUR NEXT
THERMAL DESTINATION,

WHICH IS...
500 DEGREES.

AND I CAN ONLY HOPE THAT
CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG HERE
CAN MAKE IT.

TIME TO GET CRUSTY.

NOW WE MAY NOT REALLY CARE
ABOUT THE INTERNAL TEMPERATURE

ON THIS ROAST ANYMORE.

AFTER ALL, IT IS
THOROUGHLY RESTED.

BUT WE DO HAVE AN ISSUE,

WHICH IS IF WE PULL OUT
THIS BIG, METAL PROBE

AND PUT THIS ROAST
IN THE OVEN, IT'S
GONNA SPOUT LIKE A WHALE.

SO JUST LEAVE THAT
WHERE IT IS,

BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO
PLUG THIS UP ANYMORE.

NOW LET'S CHECK ON THE OVEN.

SAY, 505 DEGREES...

WHO THOUGHT THE OLD GUY
HAD IT IN HIM.

NOW LET'S GET THIS OUT
AS QUICKLY AS WE CAN,
CAREFULLY.

WE DON'T WANNA WASTE
ANY OF THAT ENERGY.

THERE...
ALWAYS OPEN AWAY,

SLIDE THAT ROAST
RIGHT BACK INTO PLACE.

THERE'S GONNA BE
SOME SIZZLING,
AND THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

MAKE SURE
YOU'RE CENTERED UP,

LID GOES BACK ON,

AND CAREFULLY BACK IN.

THERE WE GO.

NOW WE MAY NOT CARE
ABOUT TEMPERATURE ANYMORE,

BUT WE DO CARE ABOUT TIME
AT THIS POINT,

AND I'M FIGURING
ABOUT 15 MINUTES

BETWEEN US AND CRUST.

GO BEYOND THAT, AND YOU'RE
PROBABLY TALKING TOAST,

ANOTHER THING ALTOGETHER.
(beep!)
(turns alarm on)

(beep-beep-beep-beep!)
(timer alarm sounding)

THERE WE GO.

NOW THAT IS WHAT
I CALL CRUSTY.

AS BEAUTIFUL A SIGHT
AS THAT IS, THOUGH,

THERE IS ANOTHER ONE
WAITING FOR US.

BUT FIRST, WE'VE GOTTA
MOVE THIS TO A CUTTING BOARD

AND JUST COVER IT WITH
THE VERY SAME PIECE OF FOIL.

I'M STILL LEAVING THAT PROBE
IN THERE FOR NOW,

AND LOOKY WHAT WE'VE GOT.

THAT'S WHAT THE FRENCH
CALL FOND.

IT BASICALLY MEANS
INSTANT SAUCE.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS ADD WATER TO LIBERATE IT.

OF COURSE, THE FIRST STEP
TO MAKING A SAUCE
OUT OF THIS

IS TO GET RID OF
AT LEAST SOME OF THE GREASE

THAT'S ACCUMULATED IN THERE.

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT
THROW THIS GREASE AWAY,

BECAUSE IT IS REALLY GREAT
FOR MAKING YORKSHIRE PUDDING,

BUT THAT'S ANOTHER SHOW.

OOH, DON'T WANNA WASTE THAT.

NOW PUT THIS BACK
ONTO HIGH HEAT.

AS LONG AS YOU'VE GOT
COOKTOP-PROOF BAKEWARE,

THIS ISN'T GONNA
HURT ANYTHING.

YOU CAN DO IT IN METAL IF YOU'VE
GOT A METAL PAN THAT FITS,

BUT GLASS IS FINE, TOO.

NOW IN ORDER TO TURN THIS
INTO A SAUCE,

WE'VE GOT TO DEGLAZE
THESE BITS --
DISSOLVE THEM --

AND BASICALLY ANY TYPE OF
WATER-TYPE LIQUID WILL DO.

IN FACT, THERE'S NOTHING
QUITE LIKE WATER
TO DO THE JOB,

SO POUR IN
ONE CUP'S WORTH.

OF COURSE, AS WONDERFUL
A SOLVENT AS WATER IS,

IT'S NOT REALLY FAMOUS
FOR BRINGING A LOT OF FLAVOR

TO THE PARTY,
SO I ALSO LIKE TO ADD

ONE CUP OF RED WINE.

NOW AS THIS COMES TO A BOIL,
JUST SCRAPE IT.

I LIKE TO USE
A WOODEN SPATULA,

AND YOU'RE LITERALLY
GOING TO SCRAPE THOSE BITS

OFF OF THE BOTTOM
OF THE PAN.

NOW A LOT OF FOLKS
LIKE TO USE
JUST WINE FOR THIS,

BUT I REALLY DO THINK
THAT WHEN IT REDUCES DOWN

IT'S WAY, WAY TOO STRONG.

SO JUST KEEP SCRAPING
UNTIL YOU FEEL NOTHING
BUT SMOOTH GLASS,

AND THEN REDUCE THIS
BY HALF.

WHEN YOUR SAUCE
IS DOWN BY HALF,

TIME FOR A QUICK
HERBAL ADDITION.

SAGE IS WHAT I LIKE, AND NO,
I DON'T WANNA CHOP IT UP,

'CAUSE I JUST DON'T WANNA
HAVE TO FISH OUT

ALL THOSE LITTLE
SPENT GREEN BITS LATER.

THREE OR FOUR LEAVES
WILL DO.

JUST GIVE IT A GOOD BRUISE
AND THEN TOSS IT IN.

LET THAT COOK
FOR ANOTHER 60 SECONDS --

NOT A SECOND LONGER --
THEN STRAIN AND SERVE.

OH, WE'VE GOT MEAT TO CUT.

WHENEVER CARVING TIME
COMES AROUND,

I REACH FOR...
ELECTRIC,
(rrrrr!)
(starts and stops knife)

AND THIS IS WHY.

NOW THESE ARE FOR LATER,
AS IN, FOR ME.

NOW WE'VE BASICALLY GOT
A BIG, BONELESS ROAST,

AND I LIKE TO TAKE OFF
THIS BIG HUNK OF FAT
RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS WHY THE DOGS
ALL LOVE ME.

NOW WE'RE BASICALLY FACING
A BIG, RIB-EYE ROAST.

START SLICING FROM THE END,
AND MAKE SURE YOU DON'T GO
LESS THAN 1/2 INCH.

NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME
FOR REVIEW.

REMEMBER, WHEN IT COMES
TO A GREAT ROAST,

WHERE AND WHAT YOU BUY
MATTERS A LOT MORE

THAN WHERE YOUR ROAST IT,
SO TALK TO YOUR BUTCHER.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE
A BUTCHER,

WELL, FIND ONE...
SOON.

(Alton reading steps)

MMM...

NOW I KNOW THAT
STANDING RIB ROAST

IS TECHNICALLY
A SPECIAL-OCCASION
KIND OF FOOD,

BUT HEY, WHO'S TO SAY
WHAT QUALIFIES
AS A SPECIAL OCCASION?

I MEAN, MAYBE YOUR
NEW SWEEPSTAKES ENTRY
CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY,

OR MAYBE THE NICE LADY
WHO READS THE METER
DROPPED BY,

OR MAYBE IT'S WEDNESDAY,
OR MAYBE...

(brrr!)
(phone rings)
EXCUSE ME.

MAYBE YOUR BROTHER
COMES HOME FROM LAS VEGAS.

HEY, HOW WAS THE CONVENTION?

YOU'RE KIDDING,
THEY BROKE IN?

(talking softly)
SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."

(normal voice)
I HOPE THEY DIDN'T
TAKE ANYTHING IMPORTANT.

OH, NOW THAT'S
JUST FREAKING ME.

SAY, THEY DIDN'T HAPPEN
TO GET MY MIXER, DID THEY?

NO?
HMM.

WELL, I JUST...
NEVER MIND, NO...

NO, I'M HAVING A TV DINNER...
NAH, NO SPECIAL OCCASION.
(laughing)

Captioned by
Scripps Networks, Inc.
UH-HUH, YOU WOULDN'T
LIKE IT.