Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 5, Episode 3 - Crepe Expectations - full transcript

Crepes are a great wrap with a bad rap. Truth is, crepes are incredibly simple, versatile and good eats. All you need is science, a good pan and a limber wrist. Alton Brown then performs crepe technique for a live audience.

TELL ME WHERE
YOU ARE.
IN A RESTAURANT.

AND WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HE'S LAUGHING.

THE MAD FRENCH CHEF?
YEAH, AND ALL HIS
LITTLE FRIENDS, TOO.

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?
(in accent)
ZEEZ ARE NOT CREPEZ.

CREPEZ ARE THIN AND LIGHT
AND TENDER.

THEZE ARE LUMPY
LIKE YOUR FUZZY
AMERICAN HEAD.

WHAT WENT WRONG?

I DON'T KNOW.

WRONG BATTER,
WRONG PAN, WRONG FLIP...

WRONG COOK!

ALTON, I'M GOING
TO COUNT TO THREE,



AND YOU'RE GOING
TO WAKE UP RESTED
AND REFRESHED.

ONE, TWO, THREE.

WHOO, SO DID WE
MAKE ANY PROGRESS TODAY?

IS IT POSSIBLE THAT
THIS MAD FRENCH CHEF
YOU KEEP SEEING

IS SOME SORT
OF MANIFESTATION OF
A FEELING OF INADEQUACY?

INADEQUACY?

GEE, WHAT WOULD I HAVE
TO FEEL INADEQUATE ABOUT?

TELL ME ONLY THE GOOD
THINGS THAT COME
INTO YOUR MIND

WHEN YOU THINK
ABOUT CREPES.

CREPES...
WELL...

CREPES...
GEE, WHAT DOES THIS HAVE
TO DO WITH CREPES?

YOU TELL ME.

WELL...

YOU DON'T BELIEVE
IN HIM, DO YOU?



YOU DON'T BELIEVE
HE EXISTS

EVEN THOUGH I'VE SEEN
HIM OVER AND OVER,

AND I'VE TOLD YOU
ABOUT ALL THIS...
PERHAPS HE IS
AN INWARD SYMBOL

OF YOUR FEAR
OF CREPES.

CONQUER CREPES
AND YOU CONQUER HIM.
PERHAPS?

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD
GET OUT YOUR PAD
AND WRITE ME A PRESCRIPTION.

PERHAPS YOU NEED
TO GET IN TOUCH
WITH YOUR FRENCH SIDE.

TRUST FRENCH,
WALK FRENCH,
TALK FRENCH,

COOK FRENCH,
DRIVE A FRENCH CAR,
GET A BERET,

AND THEN MAYBE
EVENTUALLY YOU WILL
BE ABLE TO SAY IT.

SAY WHAT?

CREPES ARE...

OH, NO...
NO, NO, NO, NO!

THAT I DO NOT SAY.

ALTON, YOU HAVE
TO DO THE WORK.

FINE.

CREPES ARE GOOD EATS.

GOOD, THAT'S ALL
THE TIME WE HAVE TODAY.

OKAY, I'LL TAKE
THE BERET FOR SURE,

I'VE GOT TO HAVE
THAT BERET.

THAT PILLOW,
THAT "I'D RATHER
BE IN PARIS" PILLOW.

OH YEAH, THAT'S NICE.

THE JERRY LEWIS
BOX SET,

AND IS THAT A "FRENCH
FOR STUPID AMERICAN COOKS"?

DEFINITELY NEED
ONE OF THOSE,
THAT WILL BE GREAT.

I'LL TAKE
THIS BUMPER STICKER
AND ONE OF THESE FLAGS.

HEY, IS THAT ONE OF
THOSE GRILL MEDALLIONS
UNDER THERE?

YEAH, OOH, I WANT
ONE OF THOSE
AND A KEY CHAIN.

HEY, HOW MUCH
IS THE CREPE PAN
IN THE WINDOW?

IT'S 75 FRANCS.

IT LOOKS LIKE
IT'S GOOD AND HEAVY,

AND THAT MEANS
EVEN HEAT DISTRIBUTION.

THE SHOULDERS ARE STEEP
SO THAT THE CREPE STAYS
PERFECTLY ROUND,

AND YET, THE SIDES
ARE SHORT AND FLARED

SO YOU CAN TURN IT EASILY.

BUT GOSH, DO I REALLY NEED
A PAN JUST FOR CREPES?

PERHAPS MONSIEUR WOULD PREFER
AN ELECTRIC PAN,

VERY EFFICIENT,
125 FRANCS.
OH, 125 FRANCS.

WHAT ELSE DOES IT DO?
JUST CREPES.

JUST CREPES?
CREPES.

DOESN'T THAT SEEM
KIND OF SILLY?
C'EST LA VIE.

(voice over phone)
SUICIDAL CHEFS HOTLINE,
THIS IS SHIRLEY.

SHIRLEY, IT'S
ALTON BROWN CALLING.

ALTON, WHAT'D THEY DO,
CANCEL THE PROGRAM?
NO, IT'S WORSE
THAN THAT.

IT'S MY CREPES,
THEY'RE FAT AND LUMPY.

FAT CREPES, SOUNDS
LIKE LEAVENING TO ME,
ALTON,

DID YOU ADD ANY
BAKING POWDER TO THEM?

NO, I WOULD
NEVER DO THAT.

DID YOU LET THE BATTER
REST FOR A FULL HOUR?

UM, SHOULD I HAVE?
YEAH, ABSOLUTELY.

YOU NEED TIME
FOR THE BUBBLES
TO ESCAPE,

AND YOU NEED
TO HYDRATE YOUR STARCH

SO THEY'LL BE
NICE AND TENDER.

LUMPY...
HOW DID YOU MIX
THESE TOGETHER?

WELL, WITH A WHISK,
OF COURSE.
GO WITH A BLENDER,
ALTON,

IT'S MUCH, MUCH SMOOTHER
AND MUCH, MUCH FASTER.

TRY THAT AND GIVE
ME A CALL LATER, OKAY?

OKAY, I WILL, THANKS,
SHIRLEY.

OKAY, READY TO TAKE
ANOTHER STAB AT
THIS LITTLE PROBLEM.

I'M GOING TO DO IT
SHIRLEY'S WAY THIS TIME.

WE'RE GOING TO MAKE
A BASIC CREPE BATTER
IN THE BLENDER.

TWO LARGE EGGS,

3/4 CUP MILK,

1/2 CUP OF WATER,

A CUP OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,

AND ABOUT THREE TABLESPOONS
OF MELTED BUTTER.

NOW IF YOU WANTED
SOME EXTRA NUTTINESS,

BROWN THE BUTTER FIRST.

LID ON, BLEND FOR SEVEN
TO TEN SECONDS ON HIGH.

ANY LONGER AND THE FLOUR
AND WATER WOULD GET TOGETHER
AND FORM GLUTEN,

WHICH WOULD TOUGHEN
THE CREPES,

AND THEY WOULD HOLD BUBBLES,
AND THEY WOULD GET FAT
AND NASTY.

OOOH, I DON'T WANT
TO GET INTO IT.

NOW IF YOU WANT TO MAKE
A MORE SAVORY CREPE,

WE'RE GOING TO USE THE EXACT
SAME INGREDIENTS --

EGGS,

MILK, WATER...

FLOUR, AND BUTTER.

PLUS, WE'RE GOING TO ADD
ABOUT 1/4 TEASPOON OF SALT,

THAT'S LIKE,
TWO BIG PINCHES,

AND SOME FRESH HERBS,
1/4 CUP.

ANYTHING BUT ROSEMARY
WILL DO HERE,
IT STICKS IN YOUR TEETH.

NOW THE SHORT BLEND TIME
WILL ENSURE THAT THE HERBS
DO NOT GET OBLITERATED.

FINE, LOOKS GOOD.

OH, YOU WANT
A DESSERT CREPE?

NO PROBLEM,
SAME INGREDIENTS.

WE'VE GOT THE EGGS

AND THE WATER

AND THE MILK

AND THE FLOUR,

SAME AMOUNT OF BUTTER.

AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO GO
WITH A TEASPOON OF
VANILLA EXTRACT

AND ABOUT 2 1/2 TABLESPOONS
OF SUGAR.

SAME BLEND TIME.

NOW WE MOVE THE BATTERS
STRAIGHT TO THE REFRIGERATOR

AND LET THEM REST
FOR AT LEAST AN HOUR.

YOU COULD PUT THEM ON HOLD
FOR AS LONG AS 24 HOURS

WITHOUT ANY REAL LOSS
OF QUALITY.

OF COURSE, THE LONGER
THE BATTERS SIT,

THE MORE MOISTURE
IS GOING TO BE
SUCKED UP BY THE FLOUR.

THAT MEANS THE BATTERS
ARE GOING TO GET THICKER
OVER TIME.

SO WHEN YOU ARE READY
TO PAN UP,

YOU MAY NEED TO ADD
A COUPLE TABLESPOONS
OF WATER,

JUST TO GET
THE CONSISTENCY RIGHT,

BUT DON'T DO THAT
UNTIL YOU'RE READY TO COOK.

(Shirley)
HAVE YOU TRIED
OTHER PANS?

SHIRLEY, I TRIED
EVERY PAN IN THE JOINT.
DID YOU TRY A CREPE PAN?

I DON'T HAVE
A CREPE PAN...

DO I NEED ONE?
ARE YOU MAKING CREPES?

I'M TRYING TO.
BINGO.

ALTON, HONEY, I'VE GOT TO GO,
I'VE GOT ANOTHER CHEF
ON THE OTHER LINE,

AND HE'S ALREADY TAKEN
OFF HIS CLOTHES.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

ONE DAY IN 1938,
A DUPONT SCIENTIST
NAMED DOCTOR ROY PLUNKETT

WAS PLAYING AROUND
WITH A GAS CALLED
TETRAFLUOROETHLENE.

HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE
A COOLANT LIKE FREON,

BUT HE MADE A MISTAKE,
AND HE POLYMERIZED THE GAS

INTO THIS KIND
OF NASTY, WAXY SOLID,

WHICH WAS CHEMICALLY INERT
AND EXTREMELY SLIPPERY.

HE DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH IT,

BUT HE WENT AHEAD
AND NAMED IT
POLYTETRAFLOUROETHLENE,

OR TEFLON FOR SHORT.

NOW THE MILITARY USED IT
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

THE COATED PARTS
INSIDE ATOM BOMBS,

AND THEN THEY PUT IT
ON NOSE CONES
ON MISSILES.

BUT IT TOOK A FRENCHMAN,
A FISHERMAN IN FACT,

TO START APPLYING IT
TO THINGS CULINARY.

HE STARTED BY PUTTING IT
ON FISHING TACKLE SO IT
WOULDN'T TANGLE UP.

AND THEN HIS WIFE
ASKED HIM TO PUT IT
INSIDE ONE OF HER POTS.

THE REST IS
NONSTICK HISTORY.

THIS PANS MADE
THE COUPLE A MINT,

AND TO THIS DAY,
TEFLON IS CONSIDERED

THE SLIPPERIEST SUBSTANCE
ON EARTH.

TEFLON DIDN'T CATCH ON
IN THE STATES RIGHT AWAY,

BUT ONCE IT DID,
BUSINESS WAS SLICK.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU,
MR. PEPE LA PEW?

BONJOUR, W, I WOULD LIKE
A TEN-INCH NONSTICK PAN
FOR COOKING CREPES.

WELL, THERE ARE
A LOT OF TEFLON PANS
ON THE MARKET,

BUT NOT ALL ARE GOOD
FOR COOKING THINGS
LIKE EGGS OR CREPES.

TAKE A LOOK.

ALL RIGHT, I WILL.

THOSE KNOBS REDUCE
THE SURFACE CONTACT
WITH THE FOOD --

LESS CONTACT,
LESS STICKING.

WELL, THAT'S PRETTY
DARNED INGENIOUS,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
I THINK FOR CREPES,

I NEED A NONSTICK SURFACE
THAT'S AS SLICK AS
MORICIA VALLEE.

THEN TRY THIS,
GENERAL DE GAULLE.

OH, WOW, THAT'S
WHAT I CALL SLICK.

HMMM, THE MORAL
OF THIS STORY IS,

NOT EVERYTHING
THAT'S SLICK IS NONSTICK,

AND NOT EVERYTHING
THAT'S NONSTICK IS SLICK --

AN IMPORTANT DIFFERENTIATION
WHEN COOKING EGGS OR CREPES.

SAY, IF TEFLON IS
THE SLICKEST SUBSTANCE
ON EARTH,

HOW DO THEY GET IT
TO STICK TO A PAN?

FIRST, THEY SANDBLAST
THE SURFACE OF THE PAN
TO ROUGHEN IT,

THEN THEY APPLY A PRIMER
WITH TEFLON ALREADY
EMBEDDED IN IT.

NOW WILL YOU MAKE LIKE
TEFLON AND SLIP OUT
OF MY SIGHT?

AU REVOIR, MADEMOISELLE.

(Alton)
MY SHINY NEW NONSTICK PAN
IS GETTING NICE AND TOASTY

OVER MEDIUM HEAT.

NOW EVEN THOUGH
THIS IS A NONSTICK PAN

AND DOESN'T TECHNICALLY
NEED ANY LUBRICATION,

WE'RE GOING TO ADD
SOME ANYWAY

BECAUSE WE'D LIKE TO ALSO
MAKE OUR CREPE SLICK.

AND THE BUTTER WILL
ALSO BRING A NICE
NUTTY FLAVOR TO THE PARTY.

WE DON'T A LOT,
JUST ENOUGH TO COAT
THE BOTTOM OF THE PAN.

NOW AS FAR AS
ADDING BATTER,

I LIKE TO JUST USE
THIS LITTLE 1/4-CUP MEASURE

TO KEEP THEM
KIND OF HONEST.

FOR A PAN THIS SIZE,
I'M PROBABLY NOT GOING
TO USE

MORE THAN ABOUT AN OUNCE
OF BATTER.

SO THE HEAT LOOKS
ABOUT RIGHT --

MY BUTTER IS BUBBLING
BUT NOT BURNING.

SO IN GOES THE BATTER,

AND I LIKE TO KEEP
THE BATTER MOVING

FOR QUITE A WHILE
AFTER IT'S IN THE PAN.

THAT'S GONNA HELP IT KIND OF
SET UP NICELY.

NOW IF THE HEAT IS
A LITTLE TOO HIGH,

THE BATTER IS GOING TO START
TO SCRAMBLE ON THE BOTTOM,

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET
LITTLE HOLES...

AND WELL, I CAN SEE
IT'S ALREADY HAPPENING.

OH, WELL.

LISTEN, THE TRUTH IS
THAT NINE TIMES
OUT OF TEN,

THE VERY FIRST CREPE
IS NOT GOING TO WORK OUT
ANYWAY --

THE HEAT IS GOING
TO BE A LITTLE OFF,

OR THE BATTER
IS GOING TO BE OFF.

JUST GO AHEAD AND COOK
THE GOSH DARN THING
AND SERVE IT TO THE DOG.

HECK, THAT'S WHAT
HE'S THERE FOR, RIGHT?

NOW THAT WE'VE GOT
THAT TAKEN CARE OF,

OUR PAN IS PERFECTLY LUBED,
AND WE CAN COOL OFF
THE PAN A LITTLE

AND TRY AGAIN.

JUST KEEP THE PAN MOVING,
BARELY.

YOU'LL SEE IT
START TO THICKEN,

AND WHEN IT DOES,
YOU CAN SLOWLY LET THE PAN

COME BACK DOWN.

NOW IF YOU'VE LUBED
CORRECTLY,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE
ANY STICKING,

EVEN ALONG THE VERY,
VERY THIN EDGE,

AND THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE
YOU'LL KNOW WHEN TO FLIP
THE CREPE

JUST BY WATCHING
FOR THOSE CORNERS

TO TURN BACK ON THEMSELVES
A LITTLE.

NOW WHEN IT COMES TIME
TO FLIP,

A LOT OF FOLKS LIKE TO USE
THIS LONG WOODEN SPATULA
AND SCOOP AND FLIP IT,

BUT I WAS RAISED
IN PANCAKE LAND,

SO THAT'S A FLIP FOR ME.

LET THIS SIT FOR ABOUT
ANOTHER TEN SECONDS

JUST TO SET
THE OTHER SIDE.

YOU CAN STOCKPILE YOUR
CREPES AND KEEP THEM WARM

FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR
IN AN OVEN

SET TO ITS
VERY LOWEST SETTING.

BUT ONCE YOU'VE ACCUMULATED
THIS MANY,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER
A LONG-TERM STORAGE SCENARIO.

YOUR REFRIGERATOR
CAN PROVIDE SANCTUARY
FOR UP TO A WEEK.

JUST MAKE SURE
THAT YOU PUT
A LAYER OF WAXED PAPER

IN BETWEEN EACH CREPE
AND SEAL IT UP

IN A RESALABLE BAG.

I LIKE TO LABEL MINE
BY TYPE.

NOW IF YOU NEED AN EVEN
LONGER-TERM SOLUTION,
WELL, LOOK DOWN.

YOUR FREEZER WILL BUY YOU
AN ENTIRE MONTH.

YOU KNOW, I'VE
BEEN MAKING CREPES
ALL DAY LONG,

AND I HAVEN'T HAD A SINGLE
MAD FRENCH CHEF MOMENT.

I THINK I'M GOING
TO CALL THAT DOCTOR

AND CANCEL NEXT WEEK'S
APPOINTMENT.

THAT'S RIGHT, DOC,
I AM CURED.

HOLD ON,
GOT ANOTHER CALL.

HELLO?
(mad French chef)
CURED, LIKE A GREAT
BIG HAM MAYBE.

UH, HOLD PLEASE.

DOC, IT'S HIM,
HE'S ON THE OTHER LINE.
WHO IS ON THE LINE,
ALTON?

YOU KNOW, HIM,
THE FRENCH CHEF,
HE'S THERE.

ALTON, TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR CREPES.

WELL, I MADE
A BUNCH OF BATCHES.

I MADE PLAIN AND SAVORY
AND SWEET.

THEY'RE ALL OVER
THE PLACE,
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.

(mad French chef)
HOW DID YOU FILL THEM,
TELL THE DOCTOR ABOUT THAT.

WELL, I DIDN'T
FILL THEM WITH ANYTHING.
SOUNDS LIKE WE HAVE
SOME MORE WORK TO DO.

I GUESS SO.
FILL YOUR CREPES
AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO ABOUT HIM,

HE'S ON THE OTHER LINE
RIGHT NOW...
ALTON, THERE IS NO ONE
ON THE OTHER LINE, GOODBYE.

(mad French chef)
SHE DOESN'T BELIEVE YOU,
HA, HA, HA.

OH, YOU ARE SUCH
A SUCKER...
AU REVOIR.

DOC WANTS ME
TO GO FRENCH, FINE.

THERE'S NOTHING
FRENCHIER ON EARTH
THAN A DUXELLE,

OR AS THE FRENCH SAY,
A DOO-ZHELL.

IT'S REALLY JUST A PASTE
OF MUSHROOMS AND ONIONS
COOKED TOGETHER,

BUT OVER THERE, THEY USE IT
FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU CAN USE IT
AS A SOUP BASE,
A SAUCE BASE,

YOU CAN STUFF IT
INTO CREPES.

HECK, I'M PRETTY SURE
THERE ARE BUILDINGS
OVER THERE

BUILT ON A FOUNDATION
OF DRY DUXELLE.

ANYWAY, YOU'RE
GOING TO NEED
A MEDIUM ONION,

DICED.

AND A POUND OF MUSHROOMS.

NOW I LIKE TO MIX IT UP
AND USE HALF BROWN MUSHROOMS
AND HALF SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS.

SLICE THEM ALL,

AND YES, I DO LIKE
AN EGG SLICER FOR THAT.

AND THEN FINELY DICE
HALF OF THAT.

PERFECT.

SWEAT THE ONION
OVER MEDIUM-LOW HEAT

WITH TWO TABLESPOONS
OF BUTTER JUST UNTIL
IT TURNS PALE.

THEN ADD THE MUSHROOMS
AND SEASON WITH A TEASPOON
OF KOSHER SALT.

NOW JUST ALLOW
THIS MIXTURE TO COOK,
STIRRING EVERY FEW MINUTES,

UNTIL IT REDUCES
TO ABOUT A THIRD
ITS ORIGINAL SIZE.

REMEMBER, MUSHROOMS
ARE MOSTLY WATER.

POUR IN FOUR OUNCES
OF WHOLE MILK,

AND THEN LET THAT
REDUCE DOWN

UNTIL IT BECOMES KIND OF
LIKE A LOOSE PASTE.

THEN ADD 1/2 CUP OF
SHREDDED PROVOLONE CHEESE.

STIR UNTIL IT KIND OF
COMES TOGETHER

INTO KIND OF A POT PIE
KIND OF CONSISTENCY,

YES, THAT'S
A TECHNICAL TERM.

GIVE IT A TASTE
AND ADD MORE SALT

AND PLENTY OF PEPPER
IF YOU LIKE.

NOW PLACE TWO CREPES
ON A BUTTERED SHEET PAN.

MAKE SURE YOU USE
TWO ON THE BOTTOM

JUST AS KIND OF
AN INSURANCE POLICY.

THAT WAY, IF ONE STICKS,
YOU'LL STILL BE ABLE TO GET
YOUR CAKE OFF THE PAN.

LADLE ON A THIN LAYER
OF THE DUXELLE,

THEN SPRINKLE
WITH CHOPPED CHIVES.

TOP THAT WITH ANOTHER CREPE
AND JUST REPEAT

UNTIL YOU'VE GOT
A NICE LITTLE STACK.

GO AS HIGH AS YOU LIKE,
BUT I THINK WE'LL
KEEP THIS ONE

TO ABOUT EIGHT.

SPRINKLE PARMESAN
ON THE TOP LAYER

AND THEN POP IT
INTO A 250-DEGREE OVEN

JUST LONG ENOUGH
TO WARM IT THROUGH.

CUT IT INTO WEDGES
AND SERVE AS AN APPETIZER

OR ALONGSIDE A SALAD
AS A MAIN COURSE.

OF COURSE, YOU'RE GOING
TO BE WANTING DESERT,
TOO, RIGHT?

HOW'S THIS FOR FRENCH?

THE YEAR 1897,
THE PLACE PARIS.

AN ACTRESS NAMED
SUZANNE REICHENBERG,
KNOWN AS SUZETTE,

IS PERFORMING
AT THE COMéDIE FRANçAISE,

AND A PARTICULAR SCENE
CALLS FOR HER TO PREPARE
AND SERVE CREPES ON STAGE.

NOW STUNT CREPES
WERE PROVIDED NIGHTLY

BY A LOCAL RESTAURATEUR
NAMED MONSIEUR JOSEPH.

THIS IS OUR VERSION
OF THAT DISH.

COMBINE FOUR OUNCES
OF ORANGE LIQUEUR

WITH A TABLESPOON EACH
OR WHITE AND BROWN SUGAR.

HEAT THESE OVER MEDIUM HEAT
UNTIL THE SUGAR MELTS

AND THE LIQUID REDUCES
AU SEC.

MONTER AU BEURRE
WITH 1/4 POUND
OF SOFTENED BUTTER.

AS SOON AS THE SAUCE
STARTS TO TIGHTEN UP,

ADD THE CREPES
ONE AT A TIME,

COAT, AND THEN FOLD
INTO QUARTERS.

THEN PLATE ALONG
WITH SOME ICE CREAM
AND A LITTLE SAUCE...

(phone ringing)
EXCUSE ME.

HELLO?
(mad French chef)
YOU IDIOT, YOU DID NOT FLAMBé.

YOU MUST FLAMBé
THE CREPES SUZETTE,
EVERYONE KNOWS THAT...

I KNOW, I KNOW,
FLAMBé...

IT IS INDEED PART
OF THE WHOLE CREPES SUZETTE
MYTHOLOGY,

BUT IT DOESN'T
LIGHT MY FIRE

BECAUSE IT DOESN'T
DO ANYTHING FOR THE FOOD.

SEE, FOR THE ALCOHOL
TO BURN, IT HAS TO BE
IN VAPOR FORM,

SO IT'S NOT BURNING,
IT'S NOT IN THE FOOD
ANYMORE...

IT'S THEATRE
CREATED FOR THEATRE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW THAT WE'VE
GOT THAT OUT OF THE WAY,

I GOTTA GO FIGURE OUT
WHAT TO DO WITH
THE REST OF THESE CREPES.

PARDON.

(Alton muttering)
NOW WHAT TO PUT
IN THERE...

LET'S SEE, LITTLE QUICHE
LORRAINE ACTION.

SOME EGGS...
LOTS OF EGGS.

ADD A LITTLE MILK
TO THAT...

MIXING...

SOME SALT,

GROUND BLACK PEPPER.

JUST FOLD
AND UNFOLD.

TIME TO FILL.

SOME SAUTEED ONION ACTION,

SOME CRUMBLED-UP BACON...
BACON!

OF COURSE, CHEDDAR CHEESE,
THE SHARPER THE BETTER.

USE A LADLE FOR FILLING.

I'VE PROBABLY
GOT ENOUGH HERE
FOR TWO BATCHES,

BUT THAT'S OKAY.

FULL UP TO THE TOP
AND INTO THE OVEN.

(Alton)
NICE.

NOW LET'S SEE IF WE CAN
GET ONE OF THESE LOVELIES
OUT OF HERE.

OUCH, HOT.

THERE WE GO, PERFECT.

(Alton)
HOW IS IT?
MMM, IT'S DELICIOUS.

AND YOU SAY THE FLAMBé
DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
FOR THE FLAVOR?

NOPE, IT'S ALL
FOR SHOW.
FASCINATING.

OBVIOUSLY, YOU'VE
GOTTEN IN TOUCH
WITH YOUR FRENCH SIDE.

WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU
LEARNED?

WELL, I KNOW ONE THING,
WHEN YOU'RE MAKING CREPES,

YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE
THE BATTER REALLY,
REALLY LOOSE,

YOU'VE GOT TO LET IT REST
SO THAT THERE WON'T BE
TOO MANY BUBBLES IN IT.

YOU'VE GOT TO TOAST
BUTTER IN THE PAN

RIGHT BEFORE
YOU ADD THE BATTER.

AND GET THIS,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE

ONE OF THOSE FANCY
FRENCH CREPE PANS,

ALL YOU NEED IS A GOOD
TEFLON PAN.

OH, AND GET THIS,
YOU MAKE ONE BLENDER
FULL OF BATTER,

AND YOU SPLIT
IT IN HALF.

TO ONE HALF,
YOU ADD HERBS AND SALT TO
FOR SAVORY CREPES.

FOR THE OTHER HALF,
YOU ADD SUGAR
AND FLAVOR LIKE...

ORANGE JUICE?
ORANGE JUICE, YEAH,
YOU'RE ON IT, ORANGE JUICE,

AND YOU GET LIKE
TWO COURSES OUT OF
ONE BLENDER, IT'S AMAZING.

HMM, GO ON.
WELL, I WILL.

YOU CAN STACK 'EM,
YOU CAN ROLL 'EM,
YOU CAN FOLD 'EM,

YOU CAN TWIST 'EM UP,
YOU CAN MAKE A LITTLE
CAKE OUT OF 'EM,

AND GET THIS,
THE LEFTOVERS,
YOU JUST WRAP

AND REFRIGERATE
FOR UP TO A WEEK,

OR YOU COULD FREEZE THEM
FOR UP TO A MONTH.

AND SINCE YOU'VE MADE
THESE DISCOVERIES,
HAVE YOU SEEN...
HIM?

DOC, YOU ARE LOOKING
AT A FRENCHMAN-FREE ZONE.

WHAT'S THAT?

I WANT YOU TO TELL
THE MAD FRENCH CHEF YOU
DON'T NEED HIM ANYMORE.

YOU WANT ME TO TALK
TO AN OVEN MITT?

IT'S AN IMPORTANT STEP
IN YOUR RECOVERY.
ALL RIGHT.

YOU'VE BEEN RIGHT
ABOUT THINGS SO FAR, I GUESS.

JUST...

I DON'T NEED
YOU ANYMORE.
(French accent)
I'LL SAY.

WHAT YOU NEED
IS A QUICK KICK
TO THE HEINIE.

(Doctor)
MAYBE THIS WASN'T
SUCH A GOOD IDEA
AFTER ALL.

(mad French chef)
HEY, WHO ASKED YOU,
SWEET KNEES?

WHY DON'T YOU GO GET ME
AN ESPRESSO, HUH?

(Alton)
HEY, DON'T TALK TO HER
THAT WAY.
HEY, WHAT'S THIS?

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN
MAKING THE PANCAKES
AGAIN, HUH?

THOSE ARE NOT PANCAKES, BUSTER,
THOSE ARE CREPES,

AND THEY ARE LIGHT,
AND THEY ARE THIN,
AND THEY ARE TENDER,

AND THEY'RE GOOD.
YEAH, GOOD AND LUMPY,
I'D SAY.

WHY, I OUGHT TO.
YOU THINK YOU CAN
GET AWAY WITH THAT?

(sounds of fighting)

I MAY GET A BOOK DEAL
OUT OF THIS GUY YET.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME
ON "GOOD EATS."

HEY, GIVE ME SOME SUGAR,
HUH?