Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 5, Episode 13 - This Spud's for You Too - full transcript

(car engine stalling)

(eerie music)

BOTHER!

MA'AM, I'M SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU,

BUT MY TRUCK BROKE DOWN
JUST UP YOUR...
YOU'RE NOT ALTON BROWN,
HOST OF "GOOD EATS"?

WELL, ACTUALLY,
I AH...

GET THAT A LOT,
BUT IT'S A MISTAKE.

I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF
GOOD... THAT GUY.

YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG,
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

I AM FRANCES ANDERSEN,
AND I AM YOUR
BIGGEST FAN.
OH.

BART, MY BOYFRIEND,
HE LOVES YOUR
POTATO RECIPES.
REALLY?



PROBABLY BECAUSE
HE'S A POTATO FARMER.
REALLY?
THAT'S EXCITING.

NASTY PIECE OF NIGHT OUT,
DON'T YOU THINK?
YEAH... YOU KNOW,

I WISH YOU'D COME UP
WITH MORE POTATO DISHES,
THOUGH.
YEAH?

HE'S GETTING
PRETTY BORED, AND
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY?

THE QUICKEST WAY
TO A MAN'S HEART...
THROUGH HIS STOMACH.

YEAH.
WOW... WELL, THAT'S
QUITE A GRIP YOU HAVE THERE.

YOU KNOW,
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

IF YOU'LL LET ME COME IN
AND USE YOUR PHONE
TO CALL A TOW TRUCK,

WE WILL TALK SPUDS APLENTY
UNTIL IT GETS HERE.
OH, WHY DON'T YOU
COME ON IN?

YOU'RE GOING TO
CATCH YOUR DEATH!

I JUST RESCUED
MR. "GOOD EATS"!

(whispering)
ED, LISTEN,

I'VE GOT ALTON BROWN HERE,
THE "GOOD EATS" GUY.

WELL, HIS TRUCK
JUST BROKE DOWN
UP THE ROAD,



AND HE JUST
KNOCKED ON MY DOOR!

NO, NO, NO,
DON'T COME TONIGHT.

COME BY AND
TOW IT TOMORROW,
IN THE MORNING.

SO, CAN HE MAKE IT OUT
TONIGHT?
NOPE...

ONE OF HIS HEIFERS
IS... CALVING.

YOU KNOW HOW THAT IS.
OH.

SO... I GUESS
YOU'LL HAVE TO
STAY THE NIGHT.
HERE?

WELL, THE NEAREST HOTEL
IS 15 MILES.

BESIDES,
IT'LL GIVE US TIME.
TO...?

TO COOK, SILLY!
HUH... OKAY.

HEY!

WHERE DID YOU
GET THIS STUFF?

OH, YOUR PROP GUYS HAVE
THIS FABULOUS WEBSITE.

OH, THEY DO,
DO THEY?

WOW, SOME SPUDS
YOU GOT, LADY!

I EVEN
POKED HOLES IN THEM,

AND ROLLED THEM
IN OIL AND SALT,
JUST LIKE IN THE SHOW.

AH... YEAH...

ARE THOSE ALL
JUST FOR YOU AND BART?

ACTUALLY, JUST BART.
REALLY?

YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD CONVERT THIS INTO
A CORNUCOPIA OF GOOD EATS.
LIKE WHAT?

WELL... AH...
LIKE SOUP, FOR INSTANCE.

BART LOVES SOUP!
YEAH?

WELL, THE KEY IS

THAT WE'VE GOT TO
BREAK THE MEAT DOWN
AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

WHILE DAMAGING AS FEW
OF THE STARCH GRANULES
AS POSSIBLE.
WHY?

WELL... OTHERWISE
YOU'LL TURN IT
INTO LIBRARY PASTE,

WHICH DEFINITELY
IS NOT...

GOOD EATS.
GOOD EATS.
YEAH, PERFECT.

OKAY, I'M GOING TO
GO GET MY CASE.

HERE IS YOUR SHINY,
NEW... RICER.
WHAT'S A RICER,

AND WHAT'S A RICER HAVE
TO DO WITH POTATOES?

WELL, OPEN THAT
PLUNGER THING THERE.

GREAT...
SEE THOSE DIES IN THERE?

TAKE THOSE OUT.

ANYTHING THAT GETS
RUN THROUGH THIS THING
RUNS THROUGH THESE,

AND THEY ALL COME OUT
LOOKING LIKE RICE.

HERE, USE THE SMALL ONE
FOR POTATOES.

JUST DROP IT RIGHT BACK DOWN
AND PUT THE COLLAR BACK IN.

YEP,
YOU'VE GOT TO TWIST IT.

THERE YOU GO.

OKAY, GRAB YOUR POTATO,
GET READY TO PUT IT IN.

CUT SIDE FIRST,
THERE YOU GO.

GOT A WORK BOWL?
YOU GOT IT!

GOOD, GOOD...
AND SQUEEZE.

YOUR WORLD WILL
NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

OKAY, LET'S SHOP
FOR SOME SOFTWARE
SHALL WE?
YOU GOT IT.

(thunk)
OOHHH.

OH... OKAY,
UMM... BUTTER.

BUTTER.
GREAT, BUTTER.

AH, LEEKS,
FRESH LEEKS OR...
OH, FRESH LEEKS...

LEEKS!
THOSE LOOK PRETTY NICE.

OKAY...
HEY IS THIS...

IS THIS CHICKEN STOCK?
OF COURSE.

HOMEMADE?
OF COURSE.

BART'S BROTHER BRAD
IS A CHICKEN FARMER.
OH, THAT'S NICE.

UMM... BUTTERMILK?
BUTTERMILK.

GOOD... SOUR CREAM?
SOUR CREAM.

EXCELLENT...
PARMESAN CHEESE.
PARMESAN...

RIGHT DOWN THERE.
OH, PARMESAN CHEESE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY CHIVES,
JUST BY CHANCE?
CHIVES.

OH, LET ME GUESS,
BART'S BROTHER CLIVE
IS A FARMER.

AND SOME GARLIC?
OH, I NEVER KEEP GARLIC
IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

GOOD GIRL.
IT'S IN A DRAWER.

YOU KNOW,
I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE

THAT YOU'VE GOT
A LOT OF LEFTOVER
CONTAINERS IN HERE

LABELED WITH
"GOOD EATS" TITLES.
UH-HUH.

(eerie music)

BUTTER'S MELTED.

OKAY, YOU SAY YOU'VE
YOU'VE WATCHED A FEW
"GOOD EATS" EPISODES.

WHAT'S NEXT?

WELL, THE LEEKS
AND GARLIC ARE AROMATIC,

SO I'LL COOK THEM IN BUTTER
OVER MEDIUM HEAT.

AND WHAT ELSE
WOULD WE ADD TO THAT?

KOSHER SALT.

WHY?
AH, TO DRAW OUT
THE FLAVOR AND AROMA?

ACTUALLY THE MOISTURE,
IT HELPS THEM TO SOFTEN.

ALWAYS ADD SALT TO A...
WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?

SWEATING.
YOU HAVE BEEN
PAYING ATTENTION.

IT'S SOFT.
GOOD.

I ALMOST GOT
OUTBID ON THAT.

OKAY, WHAT GOES NEXT?
WELL, I WOULDN'T
WANT TO ADD POTATOES

BECAUSE THEY'D
ABSORB THE BUTTER
AND BURN,
THAT'S TRUE.

AND I WOULDN'T WANT
TO ADD THE SOUR CREAM

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO
COOK THE SOUR CREAM,

AND THE BUTTERMILK
WOULD CURDLE...

AAHH, CHICKEN STOCK!
MMM... YOU'RE RIGHT...

SIX CUPS.

RAISE YOUR HEAT
AND BRING THAT
TO A SIMMER, OKAY?

THEN WE'VE GOT
A LIQUID BASE

TO ADD THE OTHER
INGREDIENTS TO, RIGHT?
GREAT.

MMM... IT'S SIMMERING.

I HAVE GOT ONE
JUST LIKE THIS.

NOT ANYMORE.

ALL RIGHT,
SO WHAT'S NEXT?

WELL, WE ADD THE REST
OF THE INGREDIENTS.

DUMP THEM ALL IN THERE?
SURE.

WELL... WE COULD,

BUT YOU KNOW,
IF WE JUST DUMP
THE BUTTERMILK IN THERE,

THERE'S STILL A CHANCE,
BECAUSE OF ITS ACIDITY
AND THE HEAT IN THERE,

IT STILL COULD CURDLE.

OF COURSE, IF WE DROP
THE SOUR CREAM
RIGHT IN THERE,

IT'S JUST GOING TO
FLOAT AROUND

LIKE THE BIG BLOB OF FAT
THAT IT REALLY IS.

AS FOR THE POTATOES...

WELL, LET'S
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

WHY DON'T WE JUST...
DO YOU HAVE A WHISK?
SURE, RIGHT IN THERE.

HERE, YOU HOLD THAT.

IF WE WERE
TO TAKE THE BUTTERMILK

AND POUR IT
INTO THE POTATOES,

THE STARCH
OF THE POTATOES

MIGHT HELP PREVENT
THE BUTTERMILK
FROM CURDLING, RIGHT?
RIGHT.

THEN... OF COURSE
THIS STUFF'S PRETTY...
PRETTY CHUNKY,

SO WHY DON'T WE
JUST PUT ALL THAT

RIGHT IN THERE,
OKAY?

AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT,

WE MIGHT AS WELL PUT IN
THE PARMESAN CHEESE,
RIGHT?
YUM!

OKAY,
WITH ALL THAT TOGETHER,

YOU JUST BEAT THAT
INTO A PASTE LIKE THAT,

AND THAT'S
ALSO GOING TO HELP

TO BREAK UP THE POTATOES
A LITTLE BIT MORE,
RIGHT?
RIGHT.

IT'S KIND OF LIKE
AN EMULSION, LIKE AH...
SALAD DRESSING.

NOW JUST HELP ME
GET THAT IN THERE.

THERE.

NOW,
THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.

BRING IT BACK
TO A SIMMER.
GREAT.

THEN WE PUREE IT?
WHY WOULD WE PUREE IT?

WHY NOT?
OKAY, IF YOU STICK
A BLENDER IN THERE,

OR POUR IT INTO
A FOOD PROCESSOR
OR WHATEVER,

WE'RE JUST GOING TO
BEAT UP MORE OF
THOSE STARCH GRANULES

WE WERE
GOING TO TALK ABOUT.

THAT'S OKAY FOR
RIGHT WHEN WE SERVE IT,

BUT IT'S GOING TO
START GETTING GLUEY AND
START SETTING UP HARD

RIGHT THERE
ON THE TABLE.

AND YOU CAN FORGET
ABOUT LEFTOVERS, THEY'D
BE LIKE RACQUETBALLS.

THIS WAY,
THERE WILL STILL BE
SOME TOOTHSOMENESS.

YOU'LL BITE DOWN, AND
YOU'LL GET A NICE
LITTLE BITE OF POTATO.

YOU KNOW, BART'S
GOING TO LIKE THAT
BECAUSE...

BART'S A POTATO FARMER.
BART'S A POTATO FARMER,
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

IS IT FINISHED?
ALMOST...
GOT ANY VINEGAR?

WHAT KIND?
SHERRY.

DON'T CALL ME SHERRY...
JUST KIDDING.

OH, PERFECT.

OKAY, TWO TABLESPOONS.

WHY NOW?
WELL, BECAUSE IF WE
HAD ADDED THIS DURING
THE COOKING PROCESS,

IT WOULD HAVE CURDLED
THE BUTTERMILK FOR SURE.

BUT NOW THAT THE STARCH
HAS HAD EXTRA TIME TO COOK,
IT'LL BE PERFECTLY SAFE.

MAY I SERVE YOU?
PLEASE DO.

(eerie music)

THERE WE GO.
MMM.

(eerie music)

WOULD MADAME LIKE
SOME PEPPER?
PLEASE DO.

YOU KNOW,
I REALLY HAVE TO THANK YOU
FOR TAKING ME IN.

THIS WAS
A REALLY NASTY NIGHT.

(knocking sound)
LOOK, WE'VE ENDED UP...
OH MY GOSH,
IT'S BART!!!

HE'S EARLY...
NO, WE'RE LATE,
COME ON!

WELL, I WANT TO
EAT MY SOUP.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM...
OOHHH!

UGH.
HIDE IN HERE.

OH, IF HE FINDS YOU HERE...
OH, HE'S SO JEALOUS.
BUT WE'RE NOT DOING...

OH, JEEZ...
MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
OOHHH... COMFORTABLE,
I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE!

COMING, BART DARLING.

(humming)
GOOD NEWS, A.B.
OH... WHAT?

BART LOVED THE SOUP.
OH, THAT'S GREAT.

AND HE INVITED ME TO THE
CHURCH SOCIAL TOMORROW.
OH, THAT'S GREAT, TOO.

WELL, I AGREED TO MAKE
THE POTATO SALAD
THAT'S GREAT.

BECAUSE I KNEW
YOU'D HELP ME.
THAT'S NOT... GONNA HAPPEN!

IF POTATO SALAD'S
GOING TO BE ANY GOOD,

YOU'VE GOT TO MAKE IT
THE NIGHT BEFORE.

IT'S... IT'S 2 A.M.!
WELL, WE'D BETTER
GET A MOVE ON.

OOHH... JEEZ...
HEY, HEY, HEY!

I SUPPOSE
YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME

YOU GOT THIS
ON THE INTERNET?
I TOLD YOU I WAS
YOUR BIGGEST FAN.

SO WHICH POTATOES
DO WE CHOOSE?

OH, WAXY POTATOES
LIKE THESE RED ONES.
YEP.

THEY STAY FIRM
WHEN COOKED...
FEWER BALLOONS.
HMM... FEWER BALLOONS.

WELL,
YOU'RE KINDA RIGHT.

THEY'VE GOT A LOWER
STARCH CONTENT AND
HIGHER INTERNAL MOISTURE

WHICH MEANS
THEY'LL SOAK UP LESS
OF THE COOKING WATER,

AND THAT MEANS
THEY WON'T FALL APART,
SO PUT HER HERE.

I LIKE TO GO WITH MOSTLY
THESE SMALL LITTLE GUYS.

WHY ARE YOU PICKING
THE LITTLE ONES?

WELL, BECAUSE SMALLER
COOKS FASTER, RIGHT?

AND THE WAY I SEE IT,
IF YOU GET THEM
ALL THE SAME SIZE

THEY'RE ALL GOING TO BE
DONE AT THE SAME TIME,

AND THAT MAKES OUR JOB
A LOT EASIER.

SO PUT THESE IN A POT,

AND ADD
JUST ENOUGH COLD WATER
TO COVER THEM.

AS SOON AS THESE
COME TO A BOIL,
DROP THE HEAT TO LOW.

WE JUST WANT TO
SIMMER THEM, OKAY?
HOW LONG DO WE
LET THEM COOK?

WELL, IT'S KIND OF
HARD TO SAY.

IT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH
WATER'S IN THE POT, AND
HOW BIG THE POTATOES ARE.

I'D CHECK THEM
IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES,

AND THEN
EVERY THREE MINUTES
THEREAFTER.

WHAT YOU WANT TO
WATCH FOR, ESPECIALLY,
IS CRACKED SKINS.

IF YOU SEE ANY,
YOU KNOW YOU'VE EITHER
COOKED THEM TOO HARD

OR TOO LONG.

(whispering)
DON'T WATCH THEM.

ARE THEY DONE?
LET'S FIND OUT.

RUN HER THROUGH.

I'D SAY SO,
GO AHEAD AND DUMP THEM.

WHAT'S THAT FOR?
WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT'S THAT FOR?
WE'VE GOT TO STOP
THE COOKING PROCESS.

A LITTLE ICE,
PUT IN THE POTATOES,

AND WE'LL ADD SOME WATER.

WE'RE ONLY GOING TO
LEAVE THIS IN HERE

FOR MAYBE...
TWO, THREE MINUTES,
JUST TO STOP THE COOKING.

WE WANT TO SLICE THEM
WHILE THEY'RE WARM.
OH.

AH... YOU PEEL.
UGH... PEEL, PEEL, PEEL.

THIS IS THE PART
I'M DREADING.

WHOA, WHOA SISTER,
WHAT'S WITH THIS?

YOU DON'T NEED A PEELER,
JUST GRAB THAT TEA TOWEL
OVER THERE.

TEA TOWEL...
OKAY, PICK UP A POTATO.

TEA TOWEL?
YEAH.

PUT IT IN THERE,
PUT IT IN THERE...

RUB.
OOHHH!

MAGIC!
YEAH, MAGIC.

THAT'S HOW YOU GET THEM
CLEANED OFF.

OKAY, YOU PEEL,
AND I'LL SLICE.
THERE YOU GO.

AH, AH, OH, OH...
WITH THAT?

I THOUGHT YOU'D HAVE
SOME TYPE OF COOL TOOL.

THAT MORE LIKE IT?
NICE!

YEAH, IT'S NOT BAD...
ALL RIGHT,
KEEP GOING.

LAST ONE.

GREAT.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
ANY ZIP-TOP BAGS AROUND HERE,
WOULD YOU?

RIGHT IN THERE.
GREAT, GOOD DEAL.

AND I ALSO KNOW
YOU'VE GOT SHERRY VINEGAR,

BUT DO YOU HAVE
ANY APPLE CIDER VINEGAR.
OF COURSE.

WELL, LET'S GET SOME.

AND WHAT'S
THE VINEGAR FOR?
WELL, HERE'S THE THING.

THESE POTATOES
ARE STILL WARM, RIGHT?

AND THAT MEANS THAT
THEY'RE STILL POROUS.

ONCE THEY COOL DOWN
AND THE STARCH SEALS UP,

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
BE POROUS ANY MORE.

SINCE WE'RE GOING TO
BE PUTTING A RATHER FATTY
DRESSING ON IT,

IT MAKES SENSE THAT
WE SHOULD TURBO-CHARGE IT
WITH A LITTLE FLAVOR NOW,

AND ACIDITY
WOULD BE PERFECT.

SO GIVE ME ABOUT
THREE TABLESPOONS.
TABLESPOONS...

AH, JUST POUR
AND I'LL SAY WHEN.
ALL RIGHT.

WHEN.

WE'LL SEAL THIS UP,

GET AS MUCH OF THE AIR OUT
AS POSSIBLE,

AND REFRIGERATE OVERNIGHT.

AS IN,
WE GO TO SLEEP NOW.

HE BLINDED ME
WITH SCIENCE.

WHAT?
IT WAS JUST OUT OF GAS,
THAT'S IT?

CAN'T YOU BREAK SOMETHING?
THANKS!

OH, GOOD MORNING,
SLEEP WELL?

ACTUALLY, I NEVER KNEW
YOU COULD PUT POTATOES
INSIDE A MATTRESS.

DID YOU THAT
THE HUACHO INDIANS

HAVE OVER 1,000 WORDS
FOR POTATOES?

YEAH, WELL, COMFORTABLE
ISN'T ONE OF THEM.

WAS THAT ED
ABOUT MY TRUCK?
OH, BAD NEWS.

ED SAYS
YOU THREW A BASKET.

BLEW A GASKET?
THAT'S IT.

OH, YOU'RE SO SMART.

WELL, I GUESS
WE MIGHT AS WELL

GET THIS SALAD DRESSED
FOR YOU AND BART.

WELL, I'VE PUT OUT
THE MISE EN PLACE.
PRONOUNCED PLAS.

PLAS... WHATEVER.

FRANCES,
THE PROPER POTATO SALAD
IS NOT A PLOP AND STIR.

WE NEED TO INTEGRATE
THE INGREDIENTS
IN A PROPER ORDER,

SO THAT WE GET
THE RIGHT FLAVOR
IN EACH AND EVERY BITE.

IT ALL BEGINS
WITH 3/4 CUP OF THAT
MAYONNAISE RIGHT THERE,

AND A VERY NICE
HOMEMADE MAYONNAISE
THAT IS.

OKAY TO HEAT THAT UP
A LITTLE BIT

A TEASPOON
OF DRY MUSTARD.

EXCELLENT...
JUST MIX THAT TOGETHER.

GOOD... THEN WE
SLOWLY GET LARGER.

THAT'S TWO TEASPOONS
OF GARLIC,

AND A TABLESPOON
OF TARRAGON,

AND 1/4 CUP
OF THE PARSLEY.

FOLD THAT TOGETHER,

AND THEN WE'LL WAIT
AND BRING IN
OTHER INGREDIENTS

ONCE THAT'S INTEGRATED.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE
ABOUT GOT IT.

OKAY, 1/4 CUP
OF THE CORNICHONS --
CHOPPED FINE --

1/2 CUP
OF THE RED ONION --

ALSO CHOPPED FINE --

AND 1/2 CUP
OF YOUR CELERY,

ALSO CHOPPED...
WELL, VERY THIN,
ALMOST ON THE BIAS.

GOOD JOB,
YOU GOT IT?
GOT IT.

OKAY, BRING THAT DOWN HERE,
AND I'LL GET THE POTATOES.

NOW WE'RE GOING TO
DUMP THIS IN

WITH THE VINEGAR THAT
IT'S SOAKED IN, OKAY?

THERE'S ALSO GOING TO BE
A LITTLE STARCH THAT'S
COME OUT OF THE POTATOES.

THAT'S GOING TO HELP
TO HOLD THINGS TOGETHER.

JUST FOLD AWAY.

NOW WE'RE
PUTTING THESE IN LAST

SO THAT
WE STIR THEM UP THE LEAST,

AND THAT MEANS
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO
BREAK APART SO EASILY.

OF COURSE,
SINCE WE CHILLED THEM,

THEY'RE HOLDING TOGETHER
PRETTY NICELY.

SOME SALT...

AND SOME PEPPER.

(knocking sound)
OH, MY GOD,
IT'S BART!

WELL GOOD,
I'M GLAD TO MEET...
HEY, JEEPERS!

(Frances)
HURRY, HURRY!

WELL,
WHY CAN'T I MEET...
GET IN THERE!

I JUST WANT TO SAY HI...
AND STAY HERE
'TIL I GET BACK!

AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHY
WE HAD TO CHILL THE POTATOES
OVERNIGHT!
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.

IT'S BECAUSE...

HELLO, IS THIS ED,
THE MECHANIC?

HI, YEAH,
MY NAME'S ALTON BROWN.

YOU'VE GOT...
YEAH, YOU'VE GOT
MY TRUCK DOWN THERE.

LISTEN, AH...
HELLO, HELLO?

WHAT IN HECK'S NAME
IS A ROAST-Y?

YOU MEAN A ROSTI?

WHO YOU TALKING TO?
AH... NOBODY.

YOU KNOW,
IT'S JUST A LITTLE...
KIND OF... SWISS HASH BROWN.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT
THE BIG LUG WANTS
FOR DINNER TONIGHT.
YEAH?

WHO DO I LOOK LIKE,
SPUDS MCKENZIE?
WELL NO,
YOU LOOK LIKE...

COME ON,
WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.
OUCH, JEEZ!

WE'RE GOING TO NEED
THREE YUKON GOLD
POTATOES,

AND SINCE
THEY ARE MEDIUM STARCH,

THEY'RE REALLY PERFECT
FOR THINGS LIKE ROSTI.
WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE THEY'VE
GOT JUST ENOUGH STARCH
TO HOLD TOGETHER,

BUT NOT SO MUCH
THAT THEY GET MUSHY.

YOU KNOW, THE REALLY
COOL THING IS,

IF YOU WERE TO PARK THIS
IN THE REFRIGERATOR
OVERNIGHT,

THEN MAKE YOUR ROSTI,

THE ROSTI
YOU MADE TOMORROW

WOULD BE BROWNER
THAN THE ONES
YOU MIGHT MAKE TODAY.
BECAUSE?

BECAUSE COLD
TELLS THE POTATO

TO START CONVERTING
STARCH INTO SUGAR,

(eerie music)
AND SUGAR BROWNS
QUICKER AND DEEPER
THAN STARCH DOES.

AND HEY, TO SOME FOLKS,

WHEN IT
COMES TO POTATOES,
BROWN IS GOOD.

WHEN IT COMES TO
A LOT OF THINGS,
BROWN IS GOOD.

AH... SINCE
I'M NOT GOING TO BE HERE
COME TOMORROW,

WE'LL JUST SKIP
THE REFRIGERATION

AND GO STRAIGHT
TO THE GRATING.

YOU HAVE A GRATER,
RIGHT?

OH MY.

YOU KNOW, THESE THINGS
CAN LEAD TO VERY
DANGEROUS SITUATIONS.
YOU DON'T SAY?

YEAH, UMM... SEE,
BECAUSE THEY DON'T
HAVE ENOUGH LEGS,

YOU PUSH ON THEM
AND THEY... WELL...

IT'S JUST DANGEROUS.

I'LL GET ANOTHER ONE.

THIS IS
A MUCH BETTER GRATER.

SEE, IT'S
GOT MORE SIDES,

SO WHEN
YOU GRATE WITH IT,
IT'S A LOT MORE STABLE.

SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST
GIVE IT A TRY THERE.

OH, WOW.
SMOOTH, HUH?

WELL,
IT'S MY GIFT TO YOU

FOR RESCUING
A STRANDED TRAVELER.

WELL, I'M AFRAID
YOU MIGHT BE STUCK HERE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE MORE.

YOU GRATE,
I'LL FIND AN ONION.
GREAT.

I'VE GRATED THE POTATOES
AND THE ONION.

IT MADE ME CRY.
SORRY.

HERE, LET'S TAKE
THE WHOLE THING
FOR A SPIN.

IT'S REALLY,
REALLY CRUCIAL

THAT THIS MIXTURE
STAY DRY.
WHY?

WELL, BECAUSE
IF IT'S DRY,

(eerie music)
THEN AS THE OUTER STARCH
LAYERS START TO COOK,
OR GELATINIZE,

THEY'LL PULL MOISTURE
FROM THE INSIDE
TO THE OUTSIDE,

WHICH IS GOOD
BECAUSE THE INSIDE
WILL BE FLUFFY AND LIGHT

AND THE OUTSIDE WILL BE
CRISP BUT NOT GREASY.

IF WE LEAVE WATER
ON THE OUTSIDE,

THEN THE STARCH
WILL JUST PULL
THAT WATER INWARD,

AND THAT MEANS AN
INTERIOR THAT'S DENSE,

AND AN EXTERIOR
THAT'S GREASY.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT
THE ONIONS?

WELL, GOOD.... GOOD...
GOOD POINT.

SEE, THE ONION
DOESN'T HAVE ANY STARCH,

BUT IT DOES CONTRIBUTE
A LOT OF MOISTURE
TO THE SITUATION.

WE JUST HAVE TO PUT A
STOP TO THAT RIGHT NOW.

OKAY, WELL, I SEE YOU'VE GOT
1/2 TABLESPOON OF BUTTER

MELTED THERE
IN YOUR NONSTICK PAN,
THAT'S JUST SWELL.

NOW WE'VE GOT
FOUR SERVINGS HERE.

SO I'M GOING TO TAKE
ABOUT 1/4 OF THIS,

AND YOU ARE
GOING TO SEASON IT

WITH SALT AND PEPPER.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU WANT TO JUST
TOSS THAT A LITTLE BIT.

WELL NOW, WHY DON'T WE
JUST SALT IT
ALL AT ONCE, YOU?

WELL, IF WE SALT
THAT WHOLE THING, YOU,

THEN BY THE TIME
WE'RE READY FOR
THE LAST BATCH,

IT'LL ALREADY BE
SOAKING WET

BECAUSE THE SALT WILL
PULL ALL THE MOISTURE OUT,
AND WE DON'T WANT THAT.

ALL RIGHT, WE'RE JUST
GOING TO SCATTER THIS
IN THE PAN.

THEN KIND OF USE
YOUR SPATULA --

DON'T WORRY,
I'LL DO IT --

TO KIND OF PULL THAT
INTO A NICE, ROUND,
SHAPE LIKE THAT

AND JUST PUSH DOWN.

(eerie music)
YOU HEAR HOW THAT IS
JUST BARELY SIZZLING?

YEAH.
YOU GOT THAT...
YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT
YOU WANT TO HEAR,

AND YOU WANT TO HEAR IT
FOR THE NEXT SEVEN MINUTES.

IT'S REAL IMPORTANT
THAT YOU STAY RIGHT HERE.

I'M... I'M GOING TO GO
CHECK ON SOMETHING.

SMELLS LIKE
IT'S TIME TO FLIP.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO
DO THAT?

AH, WELL, FIRST
FIRST WE'RE GOING TO
PUT A LITTLE BUTTER

HERE ON TOP, OKAY?
OKAY.

THERE... NOW,
CAN I HAVE THAT?
YES.

I'M GOING TO SLIDE THIS
ONTO A LID, OKAY... RIGHT?

AAAHHH!
THAT'S IT,
THERE YOU GO.

NOW JUST COOK THIS
FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES

OR UNTIL IT LOOKS LIKE THAT
ON THE UNDERSIDE.

THEN YOU CAN EITHER
EAT IT RIGHT AWAY --

A LITTLE SOUR CREAM
IS REALLY, REALLY NICE --

OR IF YOU WANT TO COOK
THE REST OF THE BATCH,

JUST SLIDE THAT
RIGHT ONTO THE RACK
INSIDE YOUR OVEN,

SET FOR LOW, OF COURSE,
AND IT'LL STAY CRISP
FOR ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

(knocking sound)

WHY, LOOK.
IT'S BART!

I'LL HIDE.
NO, WE'LL FACE HIM
TOGETHER THIS TIME,
HONEY.

OKAY, I'LL CATCH UP.

I MAY HAVE LOST THE MAN,

BUT I'LL ALWAYS HAVE
"GOOD EATS."

Captioned by
Scripps Networks, Inc.