Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 5, Episode 10 - Squash Court - full transcript

(Alton Brown)
PETER, PETER,
PUMPKIN EATER,

HAD A WIFE AND UH...
COULDN'T KEEP HER.

SO HE PUT HER
IN A PUMPKIN SHELL,

AND THERE HE KEPT HER
VERY WELL.

AND SINCE HARD SQUASHES
CONTAIN HIGH CONCENTRATIONS

OF VITAMINS, MINERALS,
AND BETA CAROTENE, SHE
LASTED A COUPLE OF MONTHS.

("girl puppet")
WHAT?
YOU BETTER LET ME
OUTTA HERE!

("boy puppet")
WHAT, GOOD ENOUGH
FOR CINDERELLA,
BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

AT LEAST SHE
MET A PRINCE!
WHY, I OUGHTA...

(Alton)
WHATEVER, KIDS.

THE PUMPKIN IS NOT
THE ONLY MAGICAL
GOURD IN THE VALLEY.



THERE'S
THE ACORN SQUASH,
THE BUTTERCUP,

THE DELICATA,
THE HUBBARD...

HEY, HUBBARD --
SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER
NURSERY RHYME!

MAYBE FOR YOU,
BUT TO ME, IT JUST
SOUNDS LIKE...

WHEN COOKING WITH HARD,
OR WINTER, SQUASHES,

ONE MUST RECKON WITH
THE BOWLING BALL PRINCIPLE,

WHICH STATES THAT
WHEN DEALING WITH FOODS

THAT ARE EXCEEDINGLY HARD
AND UNWIELDY,

ONE SHOULD USE A KNIFE
AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.

IN FACT, WHEN IT COMES
TO HARD SQUASH,

I LIKE TO KEEP
MY GOOD CUTLERY
SAFELY SLOTTED,

AND REACH INSTEAD
FOR A VERY INEXPENSIVE,

ASIAN-STYLE
VEGETABLE CLEAVER, OKAY?

NOW APPROACH YOUR SQUASH,
AND THE FIRST THING TO DO



IS TO MAKE SURE THAT IT'S
STABLE ON THE CUTTING BOARD.

IF IT'S NOT, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO TAKE A LITTLE SLICE
OFF OF THE BOTTOM.

THIS LOOKS PRETTY GOOD
TO ME.

NOW TAKE YOUR BLADE

AND PLACE IT
RIGHT OVER THE CENTER.

THEN...

TAP.

THERE.

NO FINGERS DAMAGED.

NOW I LIKE
TO SPLIT THIS AGAIN --
QUARTER IT.

THERE...

AND ONE MORE.

I LIKE TO QUARTER
NOT ONLY BECAUSE
IT'S EASIER TO COOK,

BUT IT'S A LOT EASIER
TO SEED.

YOU'LL NOTICE THAT
THERE ARE A LOT OF SEEDS,

AND THEY'RE HELD TOGETHER
WITH SOME REALLY KIND OF
NASTY-LOOKING,

ALIEN-MEMBRANEY
KIND OF THING.

IT'S REALLY TOUGH
TO GET OUT OF THERE.

I LIKE TO USE
AN ICE CREAM SCOOP --

THE KIND THAT'S GOT
THE SHARP LITTLE EDGE THERE.

JUST REACH IN
AND SCOOP IT OUT,

BUT DON'T THROW THESE AWAY.

JUST LIKE PUMPKINS,
THESE SEEDS CAN BE LAID OUT
AND ROASTED

AND ADDED
TO A LOT OF DISHES,

WHICH WE WILL
GET TO SHORTLY.

NOW THAT WE ARE SPLIT
AND POLISHED,

WE'RE READY
TO MEET THE HEAT.

JUST BRUSH OR SPRITZ
WITH BUTTER

AND SPRINKLE
WITH SALT AND PEPPER.

BESIDES HOLDING ONTO
THE SEASONINGS,

THE BUTTER'S GONNA BROWN
WHILE THE SQUASH ROASTS,

AND THAT'S GONNA BRING
A NICE COLOR

AND A NUTTY FLAVOR
TO THE PARTY.

GO FOR 400 DEGREES
FOR 20 TO 25 MINUTES,

OR UNTIL DONE.

WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER.

ASIDE FROM ENHANCING
THE FLAVOR VIA CARAMELIZATION,

THERE'S ANOTHER ADVANTAGE
TO ROASTING SQUASH.

IT SOFTENS THE MEAT ENOUGH
TO TRANSFORM EASILY

INTO A MYRIAD
OF APPLICATIONS

WITHOUT HAVING
TO RENT A JACKHAMMER
TO GET THE MEAT OUT.

THIS IS WHY --
WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION
OF SPAGHETTI SQUASH,

WHICH REALLY DO PERFORM
BETTER IN THE MICROWAVE --

I LIKE TO ROAST
ALL HARD SQUASH,

REGARDLESS OF TYPE, SIZE,
OR CULINARY APPLICATION.

NOW THESE SQUASH
WOULD MAKE A REALLY,
REALLY GREAT SIDE DISH.

BUT IF WE HAD ROASTED
TWO OF THEM...

WE'D BE TALKIN' SOUP.

THIS PROCEDURE
CALLS FOR SIX CUPS
OF COOKED SQUASH MEAT,

SO JUST TAKE
YOUR ICE CREAM SCOOP
AND GO TO WORK.

PILE THAT UP
IN AN INDEXED CONTAINER.

OF COURSE,
IT'S KIND OF TOUGH

TO READ SOMETHING LIKE THIS
BY VOLUME AND BE ACCURATE,

SO WHAT I LIKE TO DO
IS USE DISPLACEMENT.

I ADD 1 1/2 CUPS
OF CHICKEN STOCK --

JUST POUR IT RIGHT IN.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED
3 CUPS TOTAL, BUT WE'LL
SAVE THE REST FOR LATER.

THEN TAKE YOUR POTATO MASHER
TO IT, AND WORK OUT
ALL THE BUBBLES.

MAKE SURE THAT YOU'VE GOT
ALL THE LITTLE CAVITIES
OUT OF THERE, THEN READ IT.

YOU KNOW IF YOU'VE GOT
7 1/2 CUPS TOTAL,

SIX CUPS OF THAT IS SQUASH.

NOW THE SQUASH MIXTURE
GOES INTO A LARGE POT.

JUST USE A RUBBER SPATULA
TO DIG THAT OUT.

ANY REMNANTS
WILL BE RINSED OUT

WITH THE REST
OF THE CHICKEN STOCK.

JUST RINSE AND...
WELL, YOU KNOW.

THERE.

NEXT UP, 4 TABLESPOONS
OF HONEY --

ANY VARIETY WILL DO --

AND 1 TEASPOON
OF GRATED, FRESH GINGER.

NOW THIS WILL BE VERY EASY
FOR YOU TO PRODUCE

IF YOU USE
A MICROPLANE GRATER.

IF YOU LENT YOURS
TO YOUR NEIGHBOR,

YOU'RE PROBABLY
GONNA HAVE TO USE
A BOX GRATER,

AND AS WE ALL KNOW...

WELL, IT'S HARD TO GET
THE GINGER IN THE SOUP

WHEN YOU CAN'T GET IT
OFF THE GRATER.

OF COURSE, IF YOU
HAD WRAPPED YOUR GRATER

IN TWO LAYERS
OF PLASTIC WRAP,

NICE AND TIGHT,
YOU'D BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

NOW OF COURSE, THE TRICK
IS TO ONLY DO THIS

ON THE SMALL,
PERFORATED SIDE,

OR WHAT SOME FOLKS CALL
THE STAR-CUT SIDE,

WHERE THE METAL
PUNCHES OUTWARD.

IF YOU TRY TO DO THIS ON
THE REGULAR GRATING SIDE,

YOU'RE GONNA END UP
WITH PIECES OF PLASTIC
IN YOUR GINGER,

BUT THIS WAY, YOU COME OFF
COMPLETELY CLEAN...

AND YOU PROBABLY WON'T EVEN
HAVE TO WASH THE GRATER.

BRING THIS TO A BARE BOIL
OVER MEDIUM-HIGH HEAT,

AND REMEMBER, HIGH VISCOSITY
PLUS HIGH SUGAR CONTENT
EQUALS EASY BURNING,

SO REMEMBER TO STIR
EVERY COUPLE OF MINUTES.

BY THE TIME
YOU SEE BUBBLES BREAK,

ODDS ARE GOOD
THAT THE SQUASH
WILL HAVE DISINTEGRATED

INTO PERFECTLY PALATABLE
LITTLE PIECES.

IF NOT, WELL,
WE'VE GOT THE TECHNOLOGY
TO TAKE CARE OF THAT.

YEP, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE
A SPINNIN' PIECE OF STEEL

RIPPIN' THROUGH
HOT, STICKY...

IT'S STARTING TO SOUND
A LITTLE DANGEROUS,
ISN'T IT.

YOU KNOW, WHAT WE
REALLY NEED HERE

IS A SHIELD
OF SOME SORT --
SOME KIND OF PROTECTION.

I'M THINKIN' MAYBE...

I'M THINKIN' MAYBE
AN OLD FRISBEE,

WITH A HOLE CUT IN IT
AND A SLOT,

SO YOU JUST KIND OF GO
LIKE THAT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M THINKIN'.

SAFETY FIRST!

PERFECT.

NOW WE'LL JUST FIND
WHATEVER NEIGHBORHOOD KID

IS MISSING HIS FRISBEE.
(clears throat)

NOW WE ADD IN
THE FINAL LAYER
OF INGREDIENTS.

WE'VE GOT 1/2 CUP
OF HEAVY CREAM,

AND IT DOES
NEED TO BE HEAVY,

BECAUSE THERE'S
NOT MUCH OF IT.

AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT,

ADD ABOUT THREE BIG PINCHES
OF KOSHER SALT,

AND SOME PEPPER.

NO...
WAIT A SECOND.

BLACK SPECKS
IN A NICE ORANGE SOUP --

WHY DON'T WE BREAK DOWN
AND BREAK OUT
THE WHITE PEPPER.

OF COURSE, IT'S REALLY
FINELY GROUND,

SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA
HAVE TO USE MUCH.

TWO SMALL PINCHES...
VERY FRAGRANT STUFF.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
NUTMEG,

AND I HAVE TO TELL YOU,

I'VE HAD THIS ONE FOR ALMOST
TWO YEARS NOW, OKAY,

AND IT STILL TASTES
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.

USE THE POWDERED STUFF,
AND IN SIX MONTHS
IT TASTES LIKE SAWDUST,

AND NOT EVEN SAWDUST
FROM A NUTMEG TREE.

SO JUST PUT YOUR MICROPLANE
GRATER OVER IT,

AND LET'S SAY
SIX NICE, BIG GRATES.

THAT'S PROBABLY ABOUT
1/4 TEASPOON, I'D SAY.

SMELLS GREAT.

AND THEN STIR TO COMBINE.

BRING THIS BACK
TO JUST A SIMMER
OVER MEDIUM HEAT.

A DOLLOP OF SOUR CREAM

AND A LITTLE SPRINKLING
OF CRYSTALLIZED GINGER

FINISHES THIS OFF NICELY.

AND OF COURSE,
THE BEVERAGE OF CHOICE --

GINGER ALE.

NOW THERE WILL BE SOME
SMALL DIFFERENCES IN FLAVOR,

BUT YOU CAN DO THIS DISH
WITH ANY HARD SQUASH AROUND --

EVEN THAT ONE.

GOOD-LOOKING PUMPKIN.

IF YOU WERE TO TAKE,
SAY, A SMALL --
ONE POUND --

BUTTERNUT SQUASH,
CUT IN HALF,

SLATHER IT UP
WITH A LITTLE OLIVE OIL,

SPRINKLE ON SOME
SALT AND PEPPER

AND PUT IT IN YOUR
375-DEGREE OVEN

FOR, SAY, 45 MINUTES,

YOU WOULD PRODUCE
FOR YOURSELF

A VERY FINE SIDE DISH
FOR ALMOST ANY MEAL.

BUT IF YOU WERE TO ALSO
BAKE, SAY,

FOUR RUSSET POTATOES,

WELL, THEN WE'D BE
TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING

ENTIRELY DIFFERENT.

WE'D BE TALKING ABOUT...

MAKING DUMPLINGS.

"DUMPLINGS FROM SQUASH?"
YOU SAY...
WELL, SURE.

I MEAN, DUMPLINGS ARE
MOSTLY STARCH, RIGHT?

AND THESE THINGS
ARE MOSTLY STARCH, AS WELL.

THE KEY, THOUGH, IS THAT TO
MAKE A DOUGH OUT OF THESE,

WE'VE GOTTA WORK WITH
THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE, OKAY?

THEY CAN'T BE
FRESH OUT OF THE OVEN,

BUT THEY CAN'T BE TOO COOL,
EITHER,

OR THE STARCH INSIDE THEM
WILL GELATINIZE

AND GET HARD,
AND THAT'S A BAD THING.

SO WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO
IS LET THE STEAM OUT

AND LET THEM COOL DOWN
A LITTLE BIT,

BUT NOT TOO MUCH.

SO WE'RE JUST GONNA
POKE SOME HOLES
IN THE SPUDS...

AND THEN WE'RE GONNA
OPEN IT UP.

POP...

POP...

POP...

POP.

NOW WE'LL LET THOSE
BLOW OFF A LITTLE STEAM

WHILE WE AMASS THE REST
OF OUR SOFTWARE,

STARTING WITH
ONE LONE CHICKEN EGG.

TO THAT, WE ARE GOING TO ADD
A LITTLE BIT OF FLAVORING,

NAMELY...

NUTMEG, SQUASH'S
FAVORITE FRIEND, I SWEAR.

JUST A BIT, GRATED
RIGHT ONTO THE EGG --

LESS THAN A PINCH, EVEN.

PERFECT, I'D SAY.

WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD
AND BEAT THIS LIGHTLY.

NOW THE EGG'S
REALLY IMPORTANT --
EVEN JUST ONE OF THEM --

BECAUSE IT PROVIDES
BOTH FAT AND PROTEIN,

AND THE PROTEIN'S
ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT

IF THE STARCH IS GOING
TO HAVE ANY STRUCTURE.

OF COURSE, IT'S GONNA TAKE
EVEN A LITTLE MORE STARCH,

IN THE FORM
OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR.

YOU NEED ABOUT 1 1/2 CUPS
FOR THE DUMPLINGS THEMSELVES,

AND ANOTHER, SAY,
1 CUP FOR THE WORK SURFACE.

WE'RE ALSO GOING TO NEED...

BUT THEN, WE'VE ALWAYS
GOT THAT AROUND, DON'T WE.

ANYONE'S WHO'S EVER
OVERWORKED MASHED POTATOES

WILL TELL YOU THAT
THERE'S A VERY THIN LINE

BETWEEN LIGHT AND FLUFFY
AND GUMMY AND NASTY.

THAT'S BECAUSE
THERE'S A VERY THIN LINE

BETWEEN A NICE, RIPE,
PLUMP STARCH GRANULE
AND ONE THAT'S...

(making spluttering sound)
BEEN BLOWN TO PIECES.

SO YOU WANNA TREAT
THIS MIXTURE --

THE SQUASH AND THE POTATOES,
THAT IS --

WITH AS LITTLE VIOLENCE
AS POSSIBLE,
JUST 'TIL IT LOOKS...

WELL, LIKE THAT.

NOW YOU CAN GO AHEAD
AND SWITCH TO A WOODEN SPOON

AND STIR IN
THE EGG MIXTURE

AND ABOUT HALF
OF THE FLOUR.

THAT'S GONNA BE
ABOUT 3/4 OF A CUP.

WHY HOLD BACK?

WELL, THE FLOUR'S
REALLY THERE

TO COUNTERACT THE MOISTURE
IN THE SQUASH AND POTATOES,

AND SINCE THOSE ARE
AGRICULTURAL PRODUCTS
THAT HAVE BEEN COOKED,

THERE'S REALLY NOT ANY WAY
TO KNOW HOW MUCH
IT'S GOING TO TAKE.

SO JUST WORK IT IN
IN BITS.

IF WE NEED MORE,
WE CAN ALWAYS ADD IT LATER.

DID IT MENTION THAT NOW
WOULD BE A REALLY GOOD TIME

TO PUT ON A GALLON
OF WATER TO BOIL?

HEAVILY SALTED,
I MIGHT ADD.

THERE, WE'VE GOT IT ALL IN,
AND I'D SAY

THAT'S STILL A BIT
ON THE WET SIDE,

SO I'M GONNA WORK IN
JUST ABOUT ANOTHER TABLESPOON.

STILL WANT IT TO BE
A LITTLE BIT WET,

BECAUSE WHEN WE ROLL THIS
OUT ON THE COUNTERTOP,

WE'RE GONNA DO IT ON FLOUR,
AND IT'S GONNA TAKE UP
SOME THEN.

IF WE GET IT
TOO DRY HERE,

IT'LL JUST MAKE ROLLING OUT
VERY DIFFICULT.

THERE.

THAT LOOKS PRETTY GOOD.

NOW IT'S TIME
TO CLEAR THE BOARD.

SINCE THIS PROCEDURE
CAN BE A LITTLE MESSY,

I LIKE TO GO WITH
FULL FRONTAL COVERAGE,

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,

AND MAKE SURE
THAT YOU'VE GOT

AS MUCH ROOM AS POSSIBLE
TO WORK WITH.

IF YOU'VE GOT JUST
A SMALL COUNTER,
USE THE COUNTER.

DON'T USE A CUTTING BOARD,
IT'LL NEVER WORK.

NEXT THING IS,
COVER THIS WITH JUST
A LITTLE BIT OF FLOUR.

TRY TO MAKE IT
A VERY EVEN COVERAGE.

KIND OF THROW IT
LIKE YOU'RE PLANTING SEEDS.

THERE.

NOW WE'RE GONNA TURN OUT
THIS ENTIRE MASS

RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE.

THERE...

AND DUST THE TOP
WITH FLOUR.

KIND OF THINK OF THIS AS
A BIG BALL OF BISCUIT DOUGH.

DON'T THINK OF IT
AS POTATOES AND SQUASH.

IT'S NOT,
IT'S AN ACTUAL DOUGH.

OKAY, WHEN YOU GET IT
INTO A BALL,

GRAB YOUR DOUGH BLADE --

YOU CAN USE JUST
A REGULAR KNIFE,
BUT A DOUGH BLADE'S NICE --

AND DIVIDE THIS
INTO HALF, OKAY?

THEN EACH ONE OF THOSE
GETS BALLED UP...

AND SPLIT AGAIN.

SO NOW WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT QUARTERS, RIGHT?

EACH ONE OF THESE
GETS BALLED UP...

AND GUESS WHAT?

DIVIDE IT AGAIN,
SO THAT YOU END UP

WITH EIGHT PIECES THAT
ARE BASICALLY THE SAME SIZE.

ONE-TWO, THREE-FOUR,
FIVE-SIX, SEVEN-EIGHT.

IF THEY'RE NOT PERFECT,
THAT'S OKAY.

NOW JUST SET THESE
OFF TO THE SIDE,

AND WE'LL WORK THEM
ONE AT A TIME.

YOU COULD DO THIS
AS ONE BIG MASS,

BUT BELIEVE ME,
IT WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT
TOO MUCH FOR YOU.

NOW THIS DOUGH
IS PRETTY SMOOTH,

SO I'M NOT GONNA TRY TO GET
A LOT MORE FLOUR INTO IT.

WHAT YOU WANNA DO
IS VERY GENTLY ROLL IT
INTO A SNAKE SHAPE.

I'M REALLY JUST
APPLYING PRESSURE

WITH MY TWO MIDDLE FINGERS,
OKAY?

THAT'S WHAT'S ACTUALLY
DOING THE PUSHING.

THE POINT IS TO TRY
TO GET IT NICE AND LONG

AND ABOUT 1/2-INCH THICK
WITHOUT ACTUALLY
BREAKING IT.

YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO MAKE YOUR MOVES

MORE AND MORE GENTLE
THE LONGER YOU GET.

AND IF IT DOES BREAK,
JUST STICK IT BACK TOGETHER.

BELIEVE ME,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

I GUESS THAT'S WHAT,
ABOUT TWO FEET LONG?

THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.

NOW TAKE YOUR DOUGH BLADE

AND JUST CUT THESE INTO
ABOUT 1/2-INCH-LONG PIECES.

KEEP FLOUR ON IT.

YOU'LL NOTICE I KIND OF LIKE
TO GO DOWN AND OUT
A LITTLE BIT.

THAT WAY, IT DOESN'T STICK.

NOW THESE CAN EITHER BE TAKEN
STRAIGHT TO THE POT FOR COOKING,

OR YOU COULD PUT THEM ALL
ONTO A FLOUR-COATED SHEET PAN,

FREEZE THEM
FOR ABOUT FIVE HOURS,

THEN PUT THEM
IN A ZIP-TOP BAG
AND FREEZE THEM FOR USE

SOMETIME LATER
IN THE CENTURY.

WHEN YOU'RE READY TO COOK,

YOU WANNA DO IT
IN BATCHES --

NO MORE THAN ABOUT
TWO DOZEN AT A TIME.

THEY REALLY DO NEED ROOM
TO MOVE AROUND IN THERE.

NOW WHEN THEY HIT THE WATER,
THEY'RE GONNA SINK.

BUT AS THEY COOK, THE WATER
INSIDE THE DUMPLINGS

IS GOING TO EXPAND
AND TURN INTO STEAM.

THAT'S GONNA MAKE THEM
LESS DENSE THAN
THE SURROUNDING WATER,

SO THEY'RE GONNA
FLOAT TO THE SURFACE
AS SOON AS THEY'RE DONE.

SO IT'S PRETTY CONVENIENT.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS WAIT FOR FLOATERS
AND THEN FISH THEM OUT.

AS SOON AS THEY ARE DONE,

MOVE THESE INTO AN
ICE-WATER BATH

TO HALT THE COOKING PROCESS.

IF YOU SKIP THIS,
YOU'RE JUST GONNA END UP

WITH SOME VERY NICE-TASTING
LITTLE PIECES OF RUBBER.

SO ONCE YOU'VE GOT
THE WHOLE BATCH
COOKED AND COOLED,

MOVE THEM ALL TO A TEA TOWEL
TO DRY THEM OFF,

THEN TO ANOTHER CONTAINER.

NOW SINCE THEY
CAN STICK TOGETHER,

HIT THEM WITH A LITTLE BIT
OF OIL...

AND TOSS.

AT THIS POINT,
YOU COULD GO AHEAD
AND REFRIGERATE THESE

FOR UP TO THREE DAYS,
OR YOU CAN COOK 'EM.

THE SERVING POSSIBILITIES
ARE PRETTY MUCH ENDLESS.

MY FAVORITE
IS REALLY SIMPLE.

JUST PUT A SMALL SKILLET
OVER HIGH HEAT,

AND WHEN IT'S
REALLY RIPPING,

I ADD ABOUT 1 TABLESPOON
OF SOFTENED BUTTER.

NOW IT'S IMPORTANT
TO HAVE THE BUTTER SOFTENED

SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE SURE
THE FIRST PART THAT MELTS

DOESN'T BURN BY THE TIME
THAT IT'S DONE MELTING,

IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

ADD TWO SAGE LEAVES,
CHOPPED VERY, VERY FINE.

JUST TOSS THAT FOR A SECOND
IN THE BUTTER,

AND THEN ADD 1 CUP
OF VERY, VERY DRY DUMPLINGS.

TOSS TO COAT IN THE BUTTER,
AND THEN LET THEM FRY.

JUST TURN THEM SLOWLY
EVERY MINUTE OR SO

UNTIL THEY ARE
BROWN AND CRUNCHY
ALL THE WAY AROUND.

A LITTLE BIT
OF PARMESAN CHEESE --

OR A LOT,
IF YOU'RE LIKE ME --

GRATE ON SOME PEPPER,

AND YOU'VE GOT
A PRETTY FANTASTIC MEAL.

AND OF COURSE,
YOU CAN DO THIS WITH
ANY HARD SQUASH YOU LIKE.

(in exasperated tone)
OHHH.

ALL RIGHT,
YOU WANT PUMPKIN,
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU PUMPKIN.

LIKE ITS COUSIN
THE ZUCCHINI,

PUMPKIN MAKES
EXCELLENT BREAD,

ESPECIALLY IF YOU
CAN GET YOUR HANDS

ON A SMALLER,
MORE IMMATURE SPECIMEN.

IT ALL STARTS
BY TURNING YOUR HOT BOX
TO 350 DEGREES.

THEN USE EITHER A BOX GRATER
OR THE SHREDDING DISC
ON A FOOD PROCESSOR

TO TURN THIS INTO...

THIS.

YOU'RE GONNA NEED 3 CUPS,
AND THAT'LL PROBABLY TAKE

ABOUT HALF
OF A SMALL PUMPKIN.

WE'RE GONNA SET THIS ASIDE,
BUT I DON'T WANT IT
TO DRY OUT,

SO I'M JUST GONNA PUSH
A PIECE OF WET PAPER TOWEL
ON TOP OF IT.

TIME TO FACE THE DRY GOODS.

TAKE 2 CUPS
OF ALL-PURPOSE FLOUR,

ADD 2 TEASPOONS
OF GROUND CINNAMON

AND 1/2 TEASPOON
OF KOSHER SALT,

THEN 1 TEASPOON
OF BAKING SODA

AND 1/4 TEASPOON
OF BAKING POWDER.

THERE'S NO QUESTIONING
WHERE THIS LOAF

WILL GET ITS LIFT.

THE WET WORK BEGINS
WITH THREE CHICKEN EGGS,
BEATEN LIGHTLY.

I NEVER, EVER
WORK WITH EGGS --

IN A BATTER, AT LEAST --
WITHOUT BEATING THEM FIRST.

YOU JUST NEVER GET
GOOD INTEGRATION.

SO AS SOON AS THOSE
KIND OF HOMOGENIZE,

YOU CAN SLOWLY POUR IN
1 1/2 CUPS OF SUGAR.

NOW ODDLY ENOUGH,
SUGAR IS USUALLY TREATED
AS A WET INGREDIENT

IN PROFESSIONAL
BAKING RECIPES

BECAUSE OF ITS ABILITY
TO LIGHTEN THINGS
LIKE EGGS AND LIKE BUTTER.

JUST BEAT THAT IN
NICE AND SLOW

'TIL IT MAKES
A SMOOTH PASTE.

NOW AS SOON AS YOU DON'T
SEE MUCH IN THE WAY
OF GRAININESS ANYMORE,

SLOWLY TRICKLE IN
3/4 CUP OF VEGETABLE OIL.

TRICKLE IT IN,
JUST LIKE YOU WERE MAKING
A SALAD DRESSING,

VERY SLOWLY.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE MAKING
AN EMULSION.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

ONE GOOD, HEAVY TEASPOON
OF VANILLA EXTRACT.

AND NEED I TELL YOU --
THE BETTER THE EXTRACT,

THE BETTER THE BREAD'S
GONNA BE.

PERFECT.

OH, AND GO AHEAD
AND TOAST YOURSELF
1 CUP OF PUMPKIN SEEDS

AT 400 DEGREES
FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

SINCE THIS IS TECHNICALLY
A QUICK BREAD,

HOW WE BRING
ALL THESE THINGS TOGETHER
REALLY MATTERS,

BECAUSE AS SOON
AS THE WET STUFF

HITS THE DRY CHEMICAL
LEAVENING,

IT'S GONNA ACTIVATE
AND START PRODUCING BUBBLES.

WE WANNA HOLD THAT OFF
FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE,

SO WE'RE GONNA
FOLD EVERYTHING

INTO THE WET STUFF FIRST --

THE PUMPKIN...

AND THE PUMPKIN SEEDS.

UNDER ORDINARY CIRCUMSTANCES,
I'D POUR THE WET STUFF
ONTO THE DRY STUFF,

BUT THIS IS REALLY,
REALLY THICK,
AND IF WE DID,

IT WOULD PROBABLY LEAVE
LITTLE POCKETS
IN THE BOTTOM

AND BE TOUGH,
SO I'M GONNA ADD THE DRY

ON TOP OF THE WET
THIS TIME.

YOU JUST WANNA
FOLD THIS ENOUGH
TO BRING IT TOGETHER.

YOU DON'T WANNA MIX IT
ANY MORE THAN NECESSARY.

THERE...
JUST BROUGHT TOGETHER.

NOW THIS GOES
INTO A NONSTICK LOAF PAN,
AND INTO...

INTO THE MIDDLE
OF A 325-DEGREE OVEN

FOR ABOUT 1 HOUR
AND 15 MINUTES,

OR UNTIL THE POINT
OF A PARING KNIFE

INSERTED IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE LOAF
COMES OUT CLEAN.

AHHH...
GOOD, AND GOOD FOR YOU.

COUNTER-COOL YOUR LOAF
FOR 15 MINUTES,

THEN TURN IT OUT
ONTO A RACK

AND LET IT COOL
FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

THAT'S GOING TO ALLOW
THE STARCHES TO FIRM UP

SO THAT WHEN
YOU CUT INTO IT,
IT WON'T FALL APART.

YOU LIKE MUFFINS?
NO PROBLEM.

THE VERY SAME AMOUNT OF MIX
IN MUFFIN TINS

IN A 325-DEGREE OVEN
FOR 30 MINUTES

WILL BUY YOU THESE.

(Alton)
PETER, PETER,
HARD SQUASH COOKER,

HAD A WIFE WHO WAS...
("girl puppet")
A REAL LOOKER!

(Alton)
YEAH, ALL THAT
VITAMIN A AND POTASSIUM
WAS DOING HER WONDERS.

THE BETA CAROTENE,
COMPLEX CARBS,

FOLIC ACID,
PANTOTHENIC ACID,
AND VITAMIN C

WEREN'T HURTING EITHER.

AND SINCE IT CONTAINS
SO MUCH FIBER,

PETER WAS FEELING
MUCH LESS...

WELL, GRUMPY.

BEST OF ALL, THE FOOD
WAS SO DELICIOUS,

MRS. PUMPKIN-EATER DIDN'T
EVEN WANNA LEAVE THE HOUSE.

AND SO, ALL'S WELL
THAT ENDS WELL,

ON ANOTHER EPISODE OF...

Captioned by
Scripps Networks, Inc.