Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 2 - Mussel Bound - full transcript

Join Alton Brown as he takes the blue shelled mollusks from bay to plate, buys a steaming rig, and ponders cooking wine.

(Alton Brown)
THE DAWN OF MAN.

HAVING CONSUMED
HIS LAST MASTODON,

HOMO ERECTUS SUSPICIOUSLY
PONDERS HIS NEXT CULINARY MOVE.

(speaking gibberish)

(Alton)
SEVERAL MILLENNIUM LATER,
A NAZI-PLAGUED AMERICA TURNS TO

THE PROTEIN-LADEN BIVALVE
FOR RELIEF FOR MEAT RATIONING.

STILL, THERE ARE SKEPTICS.

WAR IS HELL.
(mother)
WATCH YOUR MOUTH,
MISTER!

OUCH!

(Alton)
TO THIS DAY, A GREAT MAJORITY
OF MODERN AMERICANS

WOULD RATHER TAKE A QUICK
KICK TO THE COONSKIN CAP



THAN MUNCH A MOUND
OF MUSSELS,

WHICH IS A REAL SHAME,

BECAUSE EVEN OUR FOSSILIZED
FRIEND MIKOG KNEW THAT --

ASIDE FROM
A MAUI BEACH HUT --

NOTHING QUITE CAPTURES THE
MAGNIFICENCE OF THE OCEAN

QUITE LIKE A FRESH PLATE
OF MUSSELS.

SO JOIN US AS WE HUNT FOR,
CARE FOR,

AND CONVERT A MESS OF
THESE MAGNIFICENT MOLLUSKS
INTO SERIOUSLY "GOOD EATS."

(Alton)
SOME 6 1/2 BILLION POUNDS
OF MOLLUSKS ARE HARVESTED

FROM THE WORLD'S WATERS
EACH YEAR.

THAT MEANS THAT BESIDES
MAKING UP THE ANIMAL KINGDOM'S
SECOND-LARGEST PHYLUM,

THEY ARE THE MOST POPULAR
SEAFOOD ON PLANET EARTH.

IF YOU'VE NEVER PONDERED
THEIR VARIETY,

JUST TAKE A STROLL
DOWN ANY AMERICAN BEACH



AND JUST LOOK DOWN.

THAT SAND YOU'RE CRUNCHING ON
IS ACTUALLY THE CRUSHED REMAINS

OF ZILLIONS AND ZILLIONS
OF MOLLUSKS.

THAT'S BECAUSE
MOLLUSKS HAVE SHELLS.

YOU KNOW, IN THE CASE
OF A SNAIL OR A NAUTILUS,
IT'S ONE SHELL,

BUT IN THE CASE OF SAY,
CLAMS, SCALLOPS,

OYSTERS, OR MUSSELS,

THERE ARE TWO SHELLS
THAT OPPOSE EACH OTHER.

THAT'S WHY
THEY CALL THEM BIVALVES.

NOW MUSSELS ARE
ESPECIALLY INTERESTING

BECAUSE THERE ARE
HUNDREDS OF VARIETIES,

RANGING FROM MINUSCULE
FRESHWATER VARIETIES,

UP TO 15-INCH LONG
MARINE MAMMOTHS.

AND ALL MOST ALL OF
THESE VARIETIES ARE EDIBLE

BUT FOR SOME REASON,

WE ONLY PRESS A SMALL HANDFUL
INTO ACTIVE CULINARY SERVICE.

LET'S SEE, THERE ARE
THE GREEN-LIPPED MUSSELS
OF NEW ZEALAND,

WHICH USUALLY ARRIVE
IN THIS COUNTRY FROZEN.

THEN THERE ARE
MEDITERRANEAN MUSSELS,

WHICH ARE BEING CULTIVATED NOW
OUT IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST.

BUT MOST OF ALL
THERE ARE, WELL,

COMMON, OR BLUE MUSSELS,

AND THESE ARE THE MUSSELS
THAT MONOPOLIZE
THE MUSSEL-MUNCHING PLATES

OF BOTH AMERICAN
AND EUROPEAN EATERS.

WHEN IT COMES TO
BIVALVE REAL ESTATE,

THERE'S ONLY ONE CONCERN...
LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION.

NOW CLAMS LIKE TO DIG DOWN
INTO THE SANDY BOTTOM,

WHILE SCALLOPS ARE CONTENT
TO JUST SCUTTER ALONG
THE TOP OF IT

LIKE POLTERGEIST-POWERED
CASTANETS.

WELL MUSSELS ARE
PROFESSIONAL HITCHHIKERS,

AND THEY CAN ADHERE THEMSELVES
TO ALMOST ANY SURFACE

VIA TANGLED MASS OF
GLANDULARLY-PRODUCED THREADS

CALLED BYSSUS OR A BEARD.

AND IT'S THIS NATURAL VELCRO
THAT MAKES THE CULTIVATION

OR FARMING OF MUSSELS,

NOT ONLY POSSIBLE,
BUT POTENTIALLY PROFITABLE.

OH, LOOK,
HERE'S A MUSSEL FARM NOW.

THIS METHOD OF CULTIVATING
HAS BEEN DONE IN SPAIN
FOR CENTURIES AND CENTURIES.

IT'S CALLED RAFTING.

INSTEAD OF CULTIVATING
AND HARVESTING THE MUSSELS

RIGHT OFF THE BOTTOM
OF THE OCEAN --

WHICH CAN REALLY
INTERRUPT THE FLOOR,
REALLY MESSES THINGS UP --

HERE THEY'RE LITERALLY GROWN
ON HUNDREDS OF ROPES

JUST SUSPENDED
INTO THE OCEAN.

THIS WAY YOU GET
MAYBE 1,000, 2,000...

HECK, 3,000 MUSSELS OFF OF
EACH ONE OF THESE ROPES.

AND SINCE THEY'RE SUSPENDED
OFF THE FLOOR,

THERE'S NO MUD,
THERE'S NO SILT,

AND THEY ALL ARE HANGING
IN THE FOOD CHAIN.

SINCE THEY'RE FILTER FEEDERS,
THEY EAT OFF THE PLANKTON
THAT JUST GOES DRIFTING BY.

IT'S REALLY TAKEN OFF
HERE IN MAINE,

WHERE THE WATER IS
ESPECIALLY PLANKTON-RICH,

AND IT MAKES FOR A MUCH
BETTER PRODUCT ON THE PLATE,

YOU'VE GOT MUCH BIGGER MEAT
FOR A SMALLER AMOUNT OF SHELL.

AH, HERE WE ARE
AT TOLEF'S PLACE.

MORNING GUYS!

HEY, THE WATER'S
UP TO 38!
IT'S 38?

HECK, I SHOULD HAVE
BROUGHT MY SUIT!

(Alton)
THIS METHOD OF
MUSSEL FARMING

WAS INVENTED BY AN IRISHMAN
NAMED PATRICK WALTON,

WHO IN 1235,
FOUND HIMSELF SHIPWRECKED

ON A DESOLATE STRETCH
OF FRENCH COASTLINE.

HOPING TO SNAG
A FEW SEABIRDS FOR DINNER,

HE RIGGED A NET
BETWEEN SEVERAL STAKES

DRIVEN INTO THE SAND
JUST OFF SHORE.

HE DIDN'T CATCH MANY BIRDS,

BUT A FEW DAYS LATER
HE PULLED UP THE STAKES

AND VOILA, LOTS OF MUSSELS.

NOW WHY WOULD
A MODERN AQUACULTURIST
LIKE TOLEF OLSON

USE WALTON'S METHOD?

(Tolef)
WELL, THIS WAY
WE'RE ABLE TO CONTROL
OUR SUPPLY,

BUT EVEN MORE IMPORTANT
THAN THAT

IS THE QUALITY OF MUSSEL
WE'RE BRINGING UP.

A MUSSEL LIKE THIS
IN THE WILD

PROBABLY WOULD TAKE
SEVEN TO NINE YEARS
TO GROW TO MATURITY.
RIGHT.

SO YOU END UP
WITH A HEAVY SHELL,

A SMALL MEAT,
TOUGHER MEAT.

WE CAN BRING THESE
TO MARKET IN TWELVE
TO EIGHTEEN MONTHS --

DEPENDING ON THE SEED
SIZE THAT WE PUT DOWN --

OR EVEN AS LITTLE
AS TEN MONTHS.

THAT ALLOWS THEM TO
FOCUS ALL THEIR ENERGY

ON GROWING THE MEAT
AND NOT ON THE SHELL.

SO WE GET A LARGE MEAT
OF SUPERIOR QUALITY.
NOW YOU GUYS USUALLY
DON'T BRING UP

THE WHOLE HARVEST
THIS WAY, DO YA?
NO, NO.

WHEN WE'RE DOING
A COMMERCIAL HARVEST,
IT'S ALL MECHANIZED.

WE BRING A BARGE IN,
AND WE BRING THEM UP
LITERALLY, BY THE TONS,

BUT ON DAY LIKE TODAY,
WE'RE JUST GETTING SOME
FOR A LOCAL RESTAURANT

AND FOR OUR OWN USE.
HEY, YOU GOT
A HITCHHIKER HERE.

YEAH, WE PICK UP
A FEW STARFISH.

WHEN WE PUT
THE FIRST RAFT IN
LAST SUMMER,

WE HAD A DUCK PROBLEM
EARLY ON,

AND THE DUCKS ATE
A BUNCH OF THE SEED
OFF OF THE LINE.

THEY JUST DIVE RIGHT DOWN
AND SNAG 'EM, HUH?

YES, THE EIDER DUCKS
AND THE SCOTERS,

AND WHAT THAT DOES IS,
IT LEAVES GAPS
IN THE LINE

WHERE WE'VE SEEDED
THE SEED,

AND IT GIVES
AN OPPORTUNITY FOR
THE STARFISH TO LAND,

THE SPAT,
THE STARFISH SPAT,
WILL LAND ON THE LINE.

IF THE COLUMNS
ARE PERFECT WITHOUT
THE DUCK DAMAGE,

THERE'S NO REAL
GOOD PLACE
FOR THEM TO LAND,
CAN'T GET A FOOTHOLD...

AND THEN WE DON'T HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH THEM.
LEG-HOLD, SO TO SPEAK.

SO OBVIOUSLY, THESE AREN'T
ALL READY FOR THE PLATE,
NO.

YOU GOT A LOT
OF LITTLE GUYS IN HERE.
THAT'S THE OTHER THING
WE GET, TOO --

AS A PROBLEM
WITH THE DUCKS --

WHEN THEY KNOCK
THE SEED MUSSEL
OFF THE ROPES

IT CREATES GAPS,
AND THEN,

THE MUSSEL SPAT ALSO
SETTLES ONTO THE ROPES.

SO WE END UP
WITH TWO GENERATIONS.
AH.

WE'VE GOT
YOUR MARKET SIZE,
RIGHT.

AND THEN WE HAVE
OUR SEED SIZE.

AND WHEN WE HARVEST,
WE'LL PUT THE SEED SIZE
RIGHT BACK DOWN.

OH, SO YOU'RE JUST
GONNA RECYCLE THESE BACK?
EXACTLY.

SO THERE'S NO WASTE
IN THIS OPERATION?
NO, THERE'S NO WASTE.

THEY'LL GO
RIGHT BACK DOWN
ON NEW ROPES.

SO BASICALLY,
THIS IS THE ONE SEAFOOD --

AT LEAST, THAT
I CAN THINK OF --

THAT IS ABSOLUTELY BETTER
CULTIVATED THAN WILD.
YES, THERE'S ABSOLUTELY
NO DOUBT IT.

I DON'T THINK ANYONE
WOULD ARGUE THAT.
WOW.

SO WE'VE GOT TO
PICK ALL THESE OFF
BY HAND?
YES.

ALL RIGHT, WELL
LET'S GET TO IT.

(Alton)
THIS BEARD, OR BYSSUS,
IS SO TOUGH, SO RESILIENT,

THAT IN ANCIENT TIMES,
GREEK FISHERMEN...

THEIR WIVES ACTUALLY
WOVE GLOVES OUT OF THESE

FOR THEM TO USE
AS WORK GLOVES,
AND THEY WOULD STAND UP

TO A WHOLE LIFETIME OF USE,
SOMETIMES GENERATIONS,
THEY WOULD BE HANDED DOWN.

THE ONLY TRICK WAS,
SHE HAD TO KEEP THEM
IN A BUCKET OF WATER...

SALTWATER.

(Alton)
HAVING SPENT SEVERAL HOURS
GRADING MUSSELS

IN THE COLD,
MAINE AFTERNOON,

I THOUGHT I KNEW TOLEF
WELL ENOUGH TO ASK HIM FOR

HIS NUMBER ONE PIECE
OF SEAFOOD-BUYING ADVICE.

WATCH THE DATE
WHEN YOU BUY IT.

DON'T BUY OLD SEAFOOD.

SEAFOOD IS DELICIOUS,
AND SO MANY PEOPLE THINK
THEY DON'T LIKE SEAFOOD

BECAUSE THEY'VE HAD
INFERIOR SEAFOOD.
RIGHT.

WATCH YOUR DATES WHEN
YOU'RE BUYING SEAFOOD.

WELL, IT'S RIGHT THERE
ON THE LOT TAG, RIGHT?
EXACTLY.

(Aston)
EVERY CONTAINER OF BIVALVE
SOLD LIVE IN THIS COUNTRY
BEARS ONE OF THESE.

IT'S CALLED A BED
OR LOT TAG.

IT'S KINDA LIKE THOSE TAGS
ON A PILLOW OR MATTRESS.

YOU CANNOT REMOVE IT
BY PENALTY OF LAW,

AND THAT'S BECAUSE IT BEARS
ALL THE INFORMATION ABOUT

WHERE THOSE MUSSELS CAME FROM,
WHO PACKED THEM,

WHEN THEY WERE PACKED...
EVERYTHING.

THAT WAY, JUST IN CASE
SOMEBODY DOES GET SICK
FROM THE MUSSELS --

WHICH IS EXTREMELY RARE --

THERE WILL BE A PAPER TRAIL

TO LET INVESTIGATORS KNOW
WHERE EXACTLY THEY CAME FROM.

NOW IF YOU BUY MUSSELS
IN A SMALLER, CONSUMER PACK,

TAKE A LOOK
AT THE LITTLE TWIST TIE.

YOU'LL NOTICE THAT
THERE'S A CODE ON IT,
OR A SERIES OF NUMBERS.

THOSE CROSS-REFERENCE
THAT VERY SAME TAG,

SO KEEP HOLD OF IT
IF YOU BUY MUSSELS THIS WAY.

NOW IT'S NOT
ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED
FOR YOUR FISHMONGER

TO KEEP THESE TAGS VISIBLE,
BUT MINE DOES.

HE KEEPS IT RIGHT UP THERE
IN THE WINDOW
WHERE THE MUSSELS ARE,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
THAT SHOWS ME RESPECT.

I LIKE THAT.

(Alton)
IMMEDIATELY POST-HARVEST,

THE MUSSELS PROCEED
DIRECTLY TO A PROCESSING PLANT

WHERE THEY ARE
DE-TANGLED, DE-BEARDED,

DIVORCED FROM ANY
UNINVITED HANGERS-ON,

THEN WASHED, SORTED,
PACKED, AND SHIPPED --

LIVE AND WELL --
TO A GROCER NEAR YOU.

(Alton)
SINCE THEY DON'T HAVE FINS,
OR SCALES, OR FACES
FOR THAT MATTER,

YOU MIGHT EXPECT
MUSSEL EVALUATION
TO BE LESS THAN A SNAP.

BUT A SNAP IS EXACTLY
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR,

OR AT LEAST
A SLUGGISH WINK...
THANKS.

ASK YOU'RE MONGER
TO HAND YOU
AN OPEN MUSSEL.

NOW IF IT CLOSES BY
THE TIME HE HANDS IT TO YOU,

OR IT DOES WHEN TAPPED,
IT'S ALIVE.

IT MAY NOT CLOSE
ALL THE WAY,

BUT THE MORE MOVEMENT
YOU SEE, THE BETTER.

NOW IF ALL THE SHELLS
ARE CLOSED,

JUST GRAB ONE AND TRY
TO SCOOT THE SHELLS BACK AND
FORTH ACROSS EACH OTHER.

IF THERE'S NO BUDGING,
YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

FINALLY TAKE A GOOD,
DEEP SNIFF.

IF SOMETHING
SMELLS ROTTEN...

THAT'S RIGHT,
IT PROBABLY IS.

NOW AS FOR THE AMOUNT,
I USUALLY GO BY COUNT,
NOT WEIGHT.

SEVEN TO EIGHT
LARGE MUSSELS PER HEAD

MAKE A GOOD
FIRST COURSE,

WHILE 15 TO 20
ARE A GENEROUS MAIN COURSE,

BUT I ALWAYS ADD AT LEAST
ONE EXTRA SERVING
TO THE ORDER.

YOU'LL SEE WHY
SOON ENOUGH.

THE TRICK NOW IS
TO KEEP YOUR MUSSELS ALIVE.

FEEL A LITTLE FUNNY
ABOUT HAVING LIVING THINGS
IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR?

DON'T.

AS LONG AS THEY'RE ALIVE,
THEY'RE NOT DECOMPOSING.

AND AS THEY'RE
NOT DECOMPOSING,

THEY'RE NOT
A BACTERIAL PLAYGROUND.

BUT THEY ARE SOME PREREQUISITES
FOR MUSSEL LONGEVITY.

FOR ONE THING,
NO WATER, OKAY?

FRESH WATER KILLS MUSSELS.

THEY'RE MARINE CREATURES,
RIGHT?

THE SECOND THING
THEY'VE GOT TO HAVE IS AIR.

THAT'S WHY I NEVER PUT THEM
IN A PLASTIC BAG
OR A PLASTIC WRAP.

GO WITH A BIG BUCKET, BOWL,
PAN, OR A LEXAN LIKE THIS.

THREE, THEY'VE
GOTTA HAVE HUMIDITY.

I LIKE TO JUST TAKE
A FEW FOLDS OF PAPER TOWEL,

MOISTEN IT LIGHTLY,

AND LAY RIGHT
ACROSS THE TOP.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
THEY MUST HAVE COLD.

COLD SLOWS DOWN
THEIR METABOLISM.

SINCE COLD SINKS
INSTEAD OF RISES,

I LIKE TO PUT A ZIP-BAG
FULL OF ICE CUBES...

RIGHT ON TOP.

CHANGE THIS DAILY.

(Ashton)
DECIDING ON
A MUSSEL-COOKING METHOD

REQUIRES A LITTLE
DEDUCTIVE REASONING.

I MEAN, HERE WE'VE GOT
A BUNCH OF FRAGILE
LITTLE CREATURES

ALL HOLED UP INSIDE
MINIATURE FORTRESSES.

NOW NOT ONLY DO WE WANT
TO OPEN THOSE FORTRESSES

AND EXTRACT THOSE
MINIATURE CREATURES,

WE WANT TO COOK THEM
TO PERFECTION

AND PRESERVE ALL OF THEIR
LIQUID AT THE SAME TIME.

HMMM... SOUNDS LIKE
WE NEED STEAMING.

NOW THAT DOESN'T
NECESSARILY MEAN WE NEED
A FANCY ELECTRIC STEAMER,

OR ONE OF THESE NOT
SO FANCY BAMBOO STEAMERS.

AND WE DON'T NEED
AN INSERT MADE TO GO
INSIDE A SPECIAL POT.

BUT WE DO NEED A POT,

AND SINCE A POT IS
SOMETHING WE OFTEN NEED,

I THINK WE'D BETTER PUT
W ON THE CASE,

OR SHOULD I SAY,
OUT OF THE CASE.

SO W... POTS.

YOU WANT AN 8-QUART POT
WITH A TIGHT-FITTING
FLAT LID

AND TWO LARGE
RIVETED HANDLES,

AND NO METAL DISK
SOLDERED ONTO
THE BOTTOM, EITHER.

MOST METALS OXIDIZE
TO SOME DEGREE --

THAT IS,
BOND TO OXYGEN --

WHICH CREATES
A PROTECTIVE BARRIER

TWO MILLIONTHS
OF AN INCH THICK.

I LOVE IT WHEN
SHE TALKS METALLURGY!

SULFUR COMPOUNDS,
LIKE THOSE FOUND IN EGGS
AND THE ACID IN WINE,

EASILY REMOVE THIS LAYER
AND ATTACK THE
METAL BENEATH.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT
CAST IRON?

IRON AND UNFINISHED
ALUMINUM ARE
ESPECIALLY VULNERABLE.

ENAMEL CAST IRON
GETS AROUND
THE REACTION,

BUT IT'S A BEAST
TO CLEAN AND
PRONE TO CRACKING.

AHM, ANODIZED ALUMINUM?

ANODIZED ALUMINUM IS
ACID-IMPERVIOUS,

BUT THE SURFACE
IS VULNERABLE TO
ABRASIVES AND DROPPING.

STAINLESS STEEL
IS YOUR BEST
NON-REACTIVE BET,

BUT IT NEEDS TO BE CLAD
WITH ANOTHER METAL TO BE
THERMALLY EFFICIENT.

CLAD... EXACTLY
WHAT IS THAT?

THE BEST STEEL PANS
HAVE A LAYER OF ANOTHER,
MORE CONDUCTIVE METAL,

EITHER ALUMINUM OR
COPPER SANDWICHED
BETWEEN THE STEEL LAYERS.

SUCH PANS ARE
MORE EXPENSIVE,

BUT THEY LAST,
BASICALLY, FOREVER.

WELL, LOOKS LIKE
STEEL-PAN ALLEY
FOR US.
HEY, I'M NOT FINISHED.

CASE CLOSED!

NOW AS I SAID, WE'RE
NOT GOING TO NEED
ANY FANCY INSERTS

TO TAKE CARE OF
THE STEAMING,

BUT A GOOD COLANDER
IS A GREAT MULTITASKER

AND IF IT HAPPENS TO FIT
INSIDE THE POT,

WELL THEN, YOU'VE GOT A
REALLY GREAT STEAMING RING.

IF IT DOESN'T FIT
INSIDE THE POT,

HECK, JUST BUY YOURSELF
A CHEAP, FOUR-DOLLAR COLANDER,

CRUSH THE HANDLES IN
WITH PLIERS,
YOU'RE GOOD TO GO.

HERE'S OUR PLAN.

POSITION MUSSELS
IN COLANDER, INSIDE POT,
OVER FLAVORFUL LIQUID.

HEAT SAID LIQUID,
UTILIZING THE RESULTING VAPOR
TO COOK THE MUSSELS WHO,

IN A FUTILE ATTEMPT
TO REGULATE THEIR
RISING BODY TEMPERATURES,

WILL OPEN THEIR SHELLS,
RELEASING THEIR LIQUIDS,

WHICH WILL BECOME PART
OF THE FLAVORFUL LIQUID,
WHICH WILL BECOME A SAUCE,

WHICH WE WILL LATER SERVE
ON TOP OF THE BOWL OF MUSSELS.

BEHOLD, OUR
FLAVORFUL LIQUID...

THREE TABLESPOONS
OF OLIVE OIL,

TWO TABLESPOONS
OF MINCED GARLIC,

ONE LARGE LEEK, CLEANED,
TRIMMED AND CHOPPED,

ONE TOMATO,
PREFERABLY A RIPE ROMA,
SEEDED AND CHOPPED,

AND 1 1/2 CUPS
OF WHITE WINE.

WE START BY SWEATING
ABOUT THREE TABLESPOONS

OF THE OLIVE OIL

WITH THE GARLIC
AND THE LEEKS.

NOW YOU NOTICE I PUT THIS
TOGETHER IN A COLD PAN.

THAT'S BECAUSE WE'RE
GOING TO SWEAT, NOT SAUTE,

AND SINCE WE WANT TO
GET A LOT OF FLAVOR

OUT OF THOSE VEGETABLES VERY
QUICKLY WHILE SOFTENING THEM,

IT'S ALWAYS SMART TO ADD
A PINCH OF SALT.

THAT WILL DRAW OUT
THE MOISTURE.

NOW PUT THIS ONTO
MEDIUM-LOW HEAT

AND COOK UNTIL
THE VEGETABLES SOFTEN.

NOW, MUSSEL WORD.

(Alton)
THESE DAYS, MOST MUSSELS
MAKE IT TO MARKET
RELATIVELY MUCK-FREE,

BUT JUST IN CASE,
I LIKE TO GIVE THEM
A PRE-COOK SPRAY DOWN.

I ALSO LIKE TO GO OVER THEM
AND LOOK FOR ANYTHING
THAT'S KINDA CRUSTY,

AND JUST KINDA BRUSH IT OFF
WITH A STIFF BRUSH.

OCCASIONALLY, YOU'RE GOING
TO FIND A MUSSEL THAT...

AHH, STILL HAS
HIS BEARD INTACT.

IN THAT CASE, LEAVE IT ON
UNTIL RIGHT BEFORE COOKING.

THEN TAKE A CLEAN PAIR
OF NEEDLE NOSE PLIERS,

GRAB THE BEARD
RIGHT DOWN AT THE BASE

AND JUST RATCHET IT OUT
LIKE THAT.

HEY, THAT MAKES THIS
A LEVER.

I WONDER WHAT KIND.

PAUL?

WHO'S PAUL?
I'M LEVERMAN!

AND THAT MY GOOD MAN,
IS A FIRST-CLASS LEVER.

AS OPPOSED TO WHAT,
A LOW-CLASS LEVER?

NO, YOU PUTZ,
AS OPPOSED TO
A SECOND-CLASS LEVER.

OKAY... PAUL!

I'M NOT PAUL,
I'M LEVERMAN!

WHATEVER!

BY THE WAY,
DON'T PUT THIS DOWN
THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL, OKAY?

IT'S LIKE A HANDFUL
OF NAILS.

AS SOON AS THE AROMATICS
ARE NICE AND SOFT --
AND THEY ARE --

GO AHEAD AND
ADD THE TOMATO

AND THE 1 1/2 CUPS
OF WHITE WINE.

TURN THE HEAT UP
TO MEDIUM-HIGH
AND BRING THAT TO A SIMMER.

AND HEY, YOU KNOW
THAT OLD ADAGE
ABOUT COOKING WITH WINE?

YOU MUST NEVER,
NEVER COOK WITH WINE

THAT YOU WOULD
NOT DRINK!

OKAY, YOU WANT
TO TASTE, CHEF?

(whispering)
RUN, RUN!

IF CHEF HAD LET ME
FINISH MY SENTENCE,

HE WOULD HAVE HEARD HOW I FEEL
ABOUT COOKING WINE.

YOU SEE, I DON'T THINK
IT'S GOTTA BE GREAT.

IN FACT, UNLESS I'M PLANNING
TO REDUCE IT DOWN

INTO A GLAZE
OR A PAN SAUCE,

I NEVER LAY OUT MORE THAN
ONE DEAD LINCOLN
FOR COOKING WINE.

AFTER ALL, WHAT DO I
REALLY WANT OUT OF IT?

A LITTLE ACIDITY,
A LITTLE FRUITINESS,

AND JUST ENOUGH ALCOHOL
TO EXTRACT THE
ALCOHOL-SOLUBLE FLAVORS

FROM THINGS LIKE
THE TOMATOES.

NOW OUR LIQUID
IS AT A BOIL,

SO IT'S TIME TO INTRODUCE
OUR LITTLE FRIENDS

TO THEIR
FINAL RESTING POT.

JUST INSERT THE COLANDER
RIGHT IN THERE,

LID IT UP,

AND START A
THREE-MINUTE COUNTDOWN.

(beeping sound)

THREE MINUTES HAVE GONE BY,

AND IT LOOKS LIKE
WE'VE HAD A LITTLE BIT
OF RISING IN THERE.

THEY'VE ACTUALLY
PUSHED THE LID
RIGHT OFF THE POT.

SO TAKE A LOOK.

ODDS ARE REAL GOOD
EVERYTHING IS OPEN.

IF THEY'RE NOT,
JUST KIND OF
MOVE THEM AROUND,

CLAMP THE LID BACK DOWN,
AND GIVE THEM
ANOTHER 30 SECONDS.

IT'S PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE
THEY DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SPACE.

THESE ARE ALL WIDE AWAKE
AND READY TO GO...

OR NOT WIDE AWAKE.

SO I'M JUST GONNA DUMP 'EM
RIGHT IN THE BOWL.

IF YOU SEE ANYTHING
THAT'S NOT OPEN
AND LOOKS LIKE IT'S DEAD,

GET RID OF IT RIGHT AWAY

BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING WORSE
THAN A DEAD MUSSEL...

SEE THAT?
THERE'S A CRACK THERE.

THAT ONE'S NEVER
GOING TO OPEN.
HE'S A GONER.

OKAY, TURN YOUR ATTENTION
TO THE LIQUID.

THERE'S A LOT OF FLAVOR
IN THERE NOW.

THE MUSSELS HAVE OPENED UP,
RELEASED ALL OF THEIR LIQUOR,

BUT WE NEED SOMETHING
TO KINDA THICKEN IT UP
A LITTLE BIT.

THAT'S TOO THIN TO REALLY
BE CALLED A SAUCE.

TRADITIONALLY, THIS DISH
CALLS FOR BUTTER OR CREAM,

AND LOTS OF IT
TO THICKEN IT UP.

BUT I GOTTA TELL YA,
I'M ALREADY SANSABELT
CHALLENGED HERE,

SO I'M GONNA LOOK FOR
SOMETHING THAT

WILL ADD FLAVOR AND TEXTURE
WITHOUT A LOT OF CALORIES.

THE ANSWER?
MUSSEL MEATS, THEMSELVES.

JUST REACH IN AND GRAB
ABOUT TEN OF YOUR MUSSELS.

JUST PULL 'EM RIGHT OUT
OF THE SHELL LIKE THAT --

WATCH FOR PIECES
OF SHELLING --

AND THROW THEM
INTO A BOWL.

JUST LET THEM
COOL DOWN A LITTLE
AND SCOOP THEM OUT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO USE
A SPOON OR ANYTHING ELSE.

AS YOU CAN SEE,
WE'VE GOT A LOT MORE LIQUID
THAN WE ACTUALLY STARTED WITH

BECAUSE OF ALL THE LIQUID
THAT THE MUSSELS RELEASED,

SO IT'S TIME
TO THICKEN THIS UP.

OF COURSE, THAT WON'T DO IT,

BUT THIS WILL.

NOW IF YOU DON'T
HAVE A STICK BLENDER,
THAT'S OKAY.

YOU COULD DO THIS
IN A BAR BLENDER TOO,

AS LONG AS IT'S GOT A GOOD,
TIGHT LID ON IT.

I DON'T SUGGEST DOING IT
IN A FOOD PROCESSOR, THOUGH,

IT WILL MAKE
A REALLY BIG MESS.

THERE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT
WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

NOW THERE'S
NOTHING LEFT TO DO

BUT TO PLATE, SAUCE,
AND EAT.

JUST POUR EVERYTHING
RIGHT ON TOP.

AHH!

THERE!

NOW YOU COULD SERVE IT
JUST EXACTLY LIKE THAT,

BUT YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE BIT
OF CHOPPED PARSLEY

MIGHT BE NICE.

WE LIKE TO
CALL THIS "BAMMAGE."

THERE WE GO.

NOW WE SUGGEST
THAT YOU SERVE THIS

WITH A NICE LOAF
OF CRUSTY BREAD.

IT MAKES EXCELLENT SOP,
AND THAT'S GOOD

BECAUSE IT'LL KEEP YOU
FROM LICKING OUT OF THE BOWL
WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED.

I HEAR THAT'S OKAY
IN SOME CULTURES.

I'M PRETTY SURE
THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM.

(Alton)
I BELIEVE IT WAS MISS PIGGY
WHO SAID OF BIVALVES,

"I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE
WHO WOULD WANT TO
EAT SOMETHING SLIMY

"THAT COMES ON AN ASHTRAY."

WELL CLEARLY,
THE DIVINE MISS P

NEVER LOCKED SNOOT
WITH THE LIKES OF THESE.

BESIDES, IF SHE HAD KNOWN
OF THE MUSSEL'S MANY
HEALTH BENEFITS,

SHE WOULD HAVE SQUEALED
A DIFFERENT TUNE,
RIGHT DOC?

WHY YES,
BESIDES VITAMIN B
AND OMEGA FATTY ACIDS,

MUSSELS CONTAIN
AS MUCH PROTEIN AS BEEF

BUT WITH ONLY A QUARTER
OF THE CALORIES AND
NONE OF THE SATURATED FAT.

DOLLAR FOR DOLLAR,
MUSSELS CAN'T BE BEAT
PROTEIN-WISE.

NOW SOYBEANS,
ON THE OTHER HAND...
GET OFF SOYBEANS.

ANOTHER SHOW,
ANOTHER SHOW,
ANOTHER SHOW.

NOW WE HOPE
WE HAVE INSPIRED YOU

OR AT LEAST COAXED YOU
OUT OF YOUR SHELL

REGARDING THE HUMBLE MUSSEL.

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY.

THEY DON'T REQUIRE
ANY DIGGING, NO SHUCKING,

AND LOOK, THEY EVEN MAKE
THEIR OWN UTENSILS.

UMM, THAT'S
NOT JUST CONVENIENT,

THAT'S "GOOD EATS."