Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 12 - Tofuworld - full transcript

EACH DAY, WE ASK OURSELVES
THE SAME OLD QUESTION...

WHAT TO EAT?

BACK WHEN WEBSITES WERE
PLACES WHERE SPIDERS LIVED,

OUR PANTRIES AND COMMON
SENSE TOLD US WHAT TO EAT,

BUT COMMON FOOD SENSE
HAS BEEN DROWNED OUT

BY THE BANTER
OF CULINARY BODHISATTVAS

WHO HAIL A FOOD ONE WEEK
ONLY TO CONDEMN IT THE NEXT.

AS FOR OUR PANTRIES, WELL,
WHAT CHANCE DO THEY STAND

AGAINST THE KALEIDOSCOPE
AND CORNUCOPIA THAT IS
THE MODERN MEGA-MART?

WHERE CAN WE TURN FOR
SOMETHING THAT'S GOOD FOR US
AND TO US AT THE SAME TIME?

THAT SATISFIES OUR
CONFLICTING INNER NEED



FOR CONVENIENCE
AND CULINARY FULFILLMENT?

WELL, SUCH QUESTIONS CAN
FREEZE AN UNSUSPECTING COOK
IN THEIR TRACKS,

LIKE A VIRUS-CORRUPTED
HARD DRIVE.

WE NEED A HERO TO PIERCE
THE DARK SPELL OF MEDIA HYPE

AND RESCUE US FROM THE TOWER
OF PERPLEXING PLENTY.

NOW ANYBODY WHO HAS READ
THEIR BROTHERS GRIMM
KNOWS THE ANSWER...

MAGIC BEANS.

WHETHER CANNED OR DRIED,
BAKED OR BOILED,

PULVERIZED OR SOLIDIFIED,

BEANS DELIVER MEAT-LESS
BUT MEATY SATISFACTION

ALONG WITH HIGH-OCTANE
NUTRITION AND THE SHELF-LIFE
OF CARBON-14.

MAGIC?

MAYBE.

GOOD EATS?



DEFINITELY.

DRIED BEANS BELONG TO THE
ANCIENT BOTANICAL FAMILY,

THE LEGUMES.

THE WORD LEGUME STEMS
FROM... HERE IT IS,
LATIN, LEGO.

IT MEANS TO GATHER
OR COLLECT,

AND IT REFERS TO OUR ANCIENT
RELATIONSHIP TO THESE LITTLE
DRY GUYS HERE.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S PLENTY
OF EVIDENCE

THAT OUR ANCIENT ANCESTORS
KNEW PLENTY OF BEANS
ABOUT BEANS.

FOR INSTANCE, IN THE BIBLE,
BOTH EZEKIEL AND DANIEL
THRIVE ON BEANS

WHILE JACOB,
WAY BACK HERE,

ACTUALLY TRADES HIS
BIRTHRIGHT FOR A PLATE
OF LENTILS.

HOPE THEY WERE GOOD.

IT DIDN'T STOP THERE.

THE EGYPTIANS ACTUALLY
CALLED THEIR VERSION OF
PURGATORY "THE BEAN FIELD,"

WHICH SEEMS PRETTY ODD
UNTIL YOU JUMP OVER
TO THE ROMANS,

WHO ACTUALLY BELIEVED
THAT BEANS HELD THE SOULS
OF THE DEAD.

A LITTLE ODD, I THINK.

AND OF COURSE, THE GREEKS
WENT SO FAR AS TO HAVE --

HERE IT IS, I LOVE THIS --
A BEAN GOD.

YOU GOTTA WONDER WHAT
THAT TEMPLE SMELLED LIKE.

NOW PLUTARCH ACTUALLY
REFERRED ONE TIME TO
THE HABIT OF THE GREEKS

TO USE DRIED BEANS
AS BALLOTS IN THEIR
MANY ELECTIONS.

HE SAID,
"ABSTAIN FROM BEANS."

OF COURSE, HE WASN'T TALKING
ABOUT THE FOOD,

HE WAS MEANING
AVOID POLITICS.

TO THIS DAY, WE HOLD
BEAN-COUNTERS IN A CERTAIN
AMOUNT OF CONTEMPT.

A LEGUME IS BASICALLY ANY
PLANT THAT BEARS A POD
WHICH CONTAINS EDIBLE SEEDS.

WHEN YOUNG, SOME LEGUMES,
LIKE GREEN BEANS, SNOW PEAS,
OR SUGAR-SNAPS,

ARE TENDER ENOUGH TO EAT
POD AND ALL,

BUT AS THEY AGE,
THE PODS TOUGHEN,

THAT'S WHEN WE HARVEST
THE INNER SEEDS.

GREAT NORTHERNS,
FOR INSTANCE,

ARE SIMPLY THE MATURE SEEDS
OF WHAT WE CALL GREEN BEANS.

NOW MANY GROCERY STORE
VARIETIES,

SAY, NAVIES, BLACK TURTLES,
PINTOS, KIDNEYS

ARE RELIABLE, PRACTICAL,
FAMILY SEDAN SORT OF BEANS.

OTHERS,
SAY THESE APPALOOSAS

OR THESE SOLDIER BEANS

ARE CALLED
HEIRLOOM VARIETIES.

THEY'RE LEGUMINOUS ODDITIES,
RECENTLY SNATCHED FROM THE
JAWS OF EXTINCTION

TO STAR IN A SPECIALTY
CATALOGUE NEAR YOU.

NOW AS ALL THIS DIVERSITY
SUGGESTS,

LEGUMES JUST LOVE TO GET
TOGETHER AND TRADE THEIR
GENETIC MATERIAL.

THINK BACK TO BIOLOGY 101.

OR WAS IT MAYBE BOTANY?

WELL, ANYWAY, IT'S UNLIKELY
THAT THAT MASTER OF THE
DOMINANT AND RECESSIVE,

GREGOR MENDEL, WOULD HAVE
EVER BEEN ABLE
TO MAKE A CAREER

OUT OF SEXUAL REPRODUCTION
IF IT HADN'T BEEN
FOR THE BEAN.

AH YES, YES.

OH, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

GENETIK, ZUM SPASS!

IF I'D KNOWN THAT BIOLOGY
WAS SO EXCITING,

I WOULDN'T HAVE SLEPT
THROUGH THAT CLASS.

NOW DESPITE DIFFERENCES
IN SHAPE, SIZE, TEXTURE,
COLOR, AND FLAVOR,

DRIED BEANS ARE
SURPRISINGLY SIMILAR
WHEN IT COMES TO COOKING.

SOMETHING THAT GIVES THEM
AN EDGE OVER THEIR NEAREST
PANTRY PALS, THE GRAINS,

WHICH ARE HIGHLY
IDIOSYNCRATIC.

ALLOW ME TO PRESENT
MY BEAN BOARD.

(crew)
WOW!

LIKE IT?

I MADE IT MYSELF,
WOULDN'T MARTHA BE PROUD?

HEREIN LIE ALL THE POSSIBLE
OPTIONS LEADING TO
SUCCESSFUL BEAN COOKERY.

NOW NOTICE THERE ARE
NO GUARDRAILS,

AND THERE'S
A PITFALL OR TWO,

BUT BY AND LARGE,
NO HIDDEN DANGERS.

WANNA PLAY?
I DO.

I'VE EVEN BROUGHT
MY LUCKY BEAN TOKEN.

SO WE CAN MOVE DIRECTLY
FROM THE STARTING LINE
TO STEP ONE... SORTING.

THE OCCASIONAL ROCK, STICK,
OR DIRT CLOD

WILL SLIP PAST THE SORTING
TECHNOLOGY OF THE PLANT.

SO IT'S A GOOD IDEA
TO GIVE YOUR LITTLE ONES
THE ONCE-OVER.

WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,
KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR ANY...

DISCOLORED, CRACKED,
SHRIVELED, OR OTHERWISE
LACKING LEGUMES.

COOKING WILL NOT IMPROVE
A BAD BEAN.

HAVING WISELY STOPPED OFF
AT THE SORTING STEP,

WE MAY NOW HOP HAPPILY OVER
THE BEAN PIT OF DESPAIR

TO STEP TWO...
WASHING.

MOST PROCESSORS DON'T WASH
THEIR BEANS AFTER DRYING,

BECAUSE OF COURSE, THAT
WOULD REHYDRATE THEM,

WHICH WOULD KINDA DESTROY
THE REASON FOR BEING DRY
IN THE FIRST PLACE,

SO A QUICK SPRAY
WILL KNOCK OFF THE DUST.

HAVING WISELY WASHED,
WE CAN NOW LEAP OVER
THE FILTHY BEANS

AND GO DIRECTLY
TO THE NEXT STEP... SOAKING.

BUT WE HAVE TO DRAW
A CULINARY AXIOM CARD.

ALL BEANS MUST BE SOAKED
OVERNIGHT,

THEN THEY MAY BE COOKED,
THAT'S IT.

TECHNICALLY DRIED BEANS
DON'T HAVE TO SOAK
BEFORE THEY'RE COOKED,

BUT IF THEY DON'T, THEY'LL
TAKE TWICE AS LONG TO COOK

AS SOAKED BEANS WILL,

AND IF THEY'RE OLD BEANS,
THEY'LL TAKE LIKE,
THREE TIMES LONGER.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION REALLY
ARE LENTILS AND SPLIT PEAS,

WHICH ARE SMALL AND
FAST-COOKING ANYWAY.

AND OF COURSE, BLACK BEANS
CAN GET BY WITH A THREE
TO FOUR HOUR SOAK,

BUT EVERYTHING ELSE
GETS THE LONG SOAK.

DRIED BEANS, IN THIS CASE,
A POUND OF GREAT NORTHERNS,

WILL DOUBLE IN VOLUME
DURING SOAKING,

SO START WITH ENOUGH LIQUID
TO COVER BY A COUPLE
OF INCHES.

THE ACTUAL AMOUNT OF LIQUID
DOES NOT MATTER,

AS LONG AS THE BEANS
STAY SUBMERGED.

IF THEY SWELL UP
ABOVE THE WATERLINE,
THEY WILL EXPLODE!

OKAY, THEY WON'T EXPLODE,

BUT IT WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE
TO COOK EVERY BEAN
IN THE BATCH EVENLY

BECAUSE THE BEANS ON THE
BOTTOM WILL BE MORE HYDRATED
THAN THE BEANS ON THE TOP.

NOW I LEAVE THESE COVERED
AND COUNTERED OVERNIGHT.

BUT THE FRIDGE IS OKAY, TOO,
IF NOT A LITTLE SLOWER.

YOU'LL KNOW THEY'RE READY
WHEN A BEAN SPLITS EASILY
BETWEEN YOUR FINGERS,

AND IS JUST TRANSLUCENT
ON THE INSIDE.

ACCORDING TO THE BEAN BOARD,
THERE IS A FAST-LANE OPTION
TO THE SLOW SOAK --

THE SPEED SOAK.

WHERE YOU SIMPLY BRING
THE BEANS AND THEIR WATER
TO A BOIL,

TAKE THEM OFF THE HEAT
AND LET THEM SIT
FOR ABOUT FOUR HOURS.

HOWEVER, THE TEXTURE
OF SAID BEANS DOES LEAVE
SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED.

BUT HEY, SPEED BEANS ARE
BETTER THAN NO BEANS AT ALL.

NOW WHILE THAT SOAKS,
WE DO HAVE TIME TO
CONTEMPLATE COOKING.

SO MANY DELICIOUS
POSSIBILITIES,

HOW WILL WE EVER DECIDE?

HEY, GIVE THE WHEEL
OF BEANS A SPIN,

AND SIT BACK
AND ENJOY THE RIDE.

WHAT WILL IT BE?

ONLY THE WHEEL CAN SAY
FOR SURE.

COULD IT BE SIMMER,
PUREED, SALAD, SOUP,

SO MANY POSSIBILITIES.

AH, BAKED!
IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

THE HARDWARE?

JUST A POT, BUT
PREFERABLY NOT ANY POT,

A CAST-IRON DUTCH OVEN.

WHY DUTCH?

BECAUSE THIS PARTICULAR
CASTING PROCESS WAS
INVENTED IN HOLLAND.

WHY OVEN?

BECAUSE IT WAS ORIGINALLY
INTENDED TO BE BURIED IN
THE EMBERS OF A DYING FIRE.

IN FACT, IF YOU'VE GOT
A REALLY OLD ONE,

IT'LL HAVE LITTLE LEGS
AND A LIP FOR STACKING COALS
ON TOP.

WHAT MAKES THIS PARTICULAR
DEVICE SO DIVINE?

DENSITY, MY FRIENDS,
LOTS OF DENSITY.

YOU SEE, SOME FOODS,
LIKE OUR BAKED BEANS,

LIKE TO BE COOKED VERY LOW
AND VERY SLOW.

BUT MODERN OVENS AREN'T
SO GOOD AT LOW AND SLOW

BECAUSE THEY'VE GOT
THERMOSTATS THAT CYCLE THEM
ON AND OFF, ON AND OFF.

THAT'S WHERE CAST-IRON
COMES IN.

THIS VESSEL WILL HEAT EVENLY
AND REDISTRIBUTE THAT HEAT
EVENLY,

WHICH IS GOOD FOR BEANS.

OF COURSE, ON THE INSIDE,
TEETH.

YOU SEE, AS WATER
TURNS TO STEAM INSIDE
A COVERED VESSEL,

IT CONDENSES ON THE LID
AND JUST DRIPS OR RUNS BACK
DOWN ONTO THE FOOD WILLY-NILLY.

THESE TEETH ENSURE THAT
THOSE DRIPS ARE EVENLY
DISTRIBUTED.

NOW THE SOFTWARE.

A POUND OF BACON, CHOPPED,
AN ONION, CHOPPED,

AND TWO JALAPEÑO PEPPERS,
CHOPPED.

STIR OVER MEDIUM HEAT
UNTIL ENOUGH FAT

HAS RENDERED OUT OF THE
BACON TO SOFTEN THE ONION.

NOW IF YOU WANT TO AVOID
ALL THAT BACON,

GO AHEAD AND USE IT,
JUST DON'T CHOP IT UP.

THAT WAY YOU CAN FISH
THE STRIPS OUT WHEN
THE BEANS ARE DONE.

IF YOU WANT TO AVOID
THE BACON ALTOGETHER,

WELL, GO WITH 1/4 CUP OF
GOOD-QUALITY OLIVE OIL.

THE BEANS WILL STILL BE
DARNED GOOD,

YOU JUST WON'T CRY FOR THEM
WHEN THEY'RE GONE.

THIS WILL TAKE
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

THANK YOU, THING.

NOW THAT EVERYTHING IS SOFT,
STIR IN 1/4 CUP
OF TOMATO PASTE --

THAT'S TWO TABLESPOONS --

ALONG WITH 1/4 CUP
OF DARK BROWN SUGAR

AND 1/4 CUP
OF DARK MOLASSES.

THE ACID
IN THE TOMATO PASTE

AND THE CALCIUM IN THE
MOLASSES ARE CRUCIAL
BECAUSE...

SUGAR AND CALCIUM
IN THE MOLASSES

KEEP THE GLUE BETWEEN
THE CELLS FROM DISSOLVING.

ORDINARILY WHEN YOU HEAT
FRUITS OR VEGETABLES,

THIS GLUE BETWEEN
THE CELLS DISSOLVES

AND THE CELLS
FALL APART,

BUT IF YOU'VE GOT SUGAR
OR CALCIUM THERE,
IT DOESN'T DISSOLVE,

SO YOU CAN COOK
BOSTON BAKED BEANS
FOR DAYS!

HANDY, HUH?

AND SO, WITH
THE DUTCH OVEN HOT

AND THE ALLIED INGREDIENTS
STANDING BY,

OUR HERO AWAKENS FROM HIS
LONG SOAK TO DISCOVER

THAT HE STANDS AT A FORK
IN THE ROAD.

NAMELY, DO WE DRAIN
OR NOT DRAIN AWAY
THE SOAKING WATER?

OF COURSE, TRADITION
HAS AN OPINION.

YOU MUST THROW AWAY
THE SOAKING WATER.

THIS IS THE ONLY WAY
TO PREVENT THE TUMMY MUSIC.

TUMMY MUSIC?
WHAT THE HECK IS
TUMMY MU -- OH!!

OH SURE, BLAME THOSE POOR
DEFENSELESS LITTLE BEANS

FOR YOUR EMISSION
CONTROL PROBLEMS.

WELL, WHETHER YOU
LIKE IT OR NOT,

THE TRUE ENEMY LIES WITHIN.

OVER THE LIPS,
PAST THE GUMS,

LOOK OUT STOMACH,
HERE IT COMES.

ONCE YOUR LATEST NOSH
IS MASHED TO MUSH
IN THE STOMACH,

IT MOVES OFF TO THAT
MOLECULAR CHOP SHOP,
THE SMALL INTESTINE.

THERE, CHEMICAL
SLEDGEHAMMERS CALLED ENZYMES

FURTHER DISMANTLE
YOUR MEAL.

IT IS THEN ABSORBED
BY THE INTESTINAL WALL

AND BECOMES BODY FUEL.

UNFORTUNATELY, BEANS
CONTAIN LARGE NUMBERS
(woman's voice)
MALFUNCTION, MALFUNCTION.

OF HUMONGOUS SUGARS
CALLED OLIGOSACCHARIDES.

ALAS, THE HUMAN TOOLKIT
LACKS AN ENZYME CAPABLE OF
CRACKING SUCH A COLOSSUS.

SO THEY SKIP
THE ABSORPTION STEP

AND MOVE OFF TO THE LARGE
INTESTINES INTACT.

THERE, A HOST OF VORACIOUS
BACTERIA LAY IN WAIT
FOR A PASSING MEAL.

NONE OF THIS WOULD BE
PARTICULARLY COMPELLING
BUT FOR ONE FACT.

YOU SEE, WHEN THEY EAT,
THESE BACTERIA

GET REALLY BAD...

(coughing)

GAS.

BUT THERE ARE SOLUTIONS.

FOR ONE THING,
CHEW THOROUGHLY.

THE MORE THE BEANS ARE
BROKEN DOWN, THE BETTER.

THERE ARE COOKS OUT THERE
THAT CLAIM THAT THE MEXICAN
HERB EPAZOTE PREVENTS GAS,

BUT SCIENCE HAS YET
TO BEAR THAT ONE OUT.

WHAT WE DO KNOW FOR SURE

IS THAT CERTAIN KINDS
OF MOLD PRODUCE AN ENZYME
CALLED ALPHAGALACTOSIDASE

WHICH CAN DIGEST
OLIGOSACCHARIDES.

SO YOU CAN EITHER EAT THIS
WITH YOUR BEANS

OR YOU CAN SPRINKLE ON
A FEW DROPS

OF ONE OF THE COMMERCIAL
APPLICATIONS CONTAINING
THE SAME ENZYME.

EITHER WAY, YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO DIGEST THE WHOLE THING...

TEMPORARILY.

SO AS FOR
THE SOAKING LIQUID,

SURE, A FEW OLIGOSACCHARIDES
HAVE LEACHED OUT INTO IT,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
SO HAVE A FEW VITAMINS
AND A GOOD BIT OF FLAVOR.

SO REGARDLESS
OF WHAT HE SAYS,

I SAY DON'T THROW THE BABY
OUT WITH THE BATHWATER.

OF COURSE, THAT IS NOT GOING
TO BE QUITE ENOUGH LIQUID
TO COOK OUR BEANS.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE
AT LEAST FOUR CUPS,

SO GO AHEAD AND TOP IT OFF
WITH SOME VEGETABLE BROTH.

THAT'S STILL NOT A LOT
OF LIQUID, REALLY,

BUT THEN,
THIS IS A BRAISED DISH,

SO IT DOESN'T REALLY
TAKE MUCH.

IT DOES TAKE A TIGHT LID,
HOWEVER.

GET THAT IN...

NOW WE FINISH UP WITH OUR
LAST SEASONINGS...

1/4 TEASPOON
OF CAYENNE PEPPER,

A TEASPOON OF BLACK PEPPER,
THE FRESHER THE BETTER,

AND TWO TEASPOONS
OF KOSHER SALT.

EXCELLENT!

NOW BRING THIS TO A BOIL
OVER HIGH HEAT.

OH, I FORGOT TO MOVE!

LET'S SEE, WE SEASONED,
WE ADDED SALT...

AND, OH, JEEZ,
HIM AGAIN.

JAMAIS SEL!

YOU MUST NEVER ADD SALT
TO THE WATER UNTIL THE
BEANS ARE ALMOST COOKED!

SALT WILL CRACK
THE BEANS!

DID YOU NOT HEAR
THE LADY?

THE TOMATO PASTE
AND THE MOLASSES
AND THE BROWN SUGAR

ARE GONNA KEEP THE BEANS
FROM CRACKING.

BESIDES, IF YOU WAIT
UNTIL THEY'RE FINISHED
TO ADD THE SALT,

THEY'RE GONNA TASTE
LIKE PAPIER-MâCHé.

PAPIER-MâCHé?
HOW DARE YOU SPEAK
FRENCH TO ME,

YOU FUZZY-HEADED,
NINNY AMERICAN?

AS SOON AS YOUR BEANS
BUBBLE,

GIVE THEM A QUICK STIR,

AND CLAMP ON THE LID

AND MOVE INTO
A 250-DEGREE OVEN.

KEEP IT THERE
FOR SIX TO EIGHT HOURS.

IN FACT, I LIKE TO START THEM
RIGHT BEFORE I GO TO BED

AND THEN CRACK THEM OPEN
AND HAVE 'EM FOR BREAKFAST.

IS IT WORTH ALL THAT TIME?

YEAH, IT IS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
IN ABOUT FOUR HOURS,

YOUR HUMBLE ABODE WILL FILL
WITH AN AROMA

THAT, WELL,
MAKES A HOUSE A HOME.

NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR BAKED BEANS?

NO PROBLEM,
JUST CONSULT THE WHEEL.

AH, SALAD.

GOOD, NOW ALL WE NEED
IS A POT.

OH.

NOW IF WE ONLY HAD
HALF A CELERY STALK

TIED IN A NEAT
LITTLE BUNDLE

WITH A CARROT, A FEW SPRIGS
OF THYME, A LITTLE PARSLEY
AND A BAY LEAF OR TWO,

WE'D REALLY BE
ON TO SOMETHING.

OH, AND OF COURSE,
HALF AN ONION.

BAY IS A CLASSIC BEAN HERB,

BUT NOT ALL BAY
IS ALIKE.

IMPORTED BAY,
USUALLY FROM TURKEY,

IS THE DRIED VERSION
OF LAUREL,

THE STUFF THAT TOGA TYPES
USED TO WEAR LIKE TIARAS.

IT LENDS A SUBTLE PERFUME
TO EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES,

ESPECIALLY BEANS.

CALIFORNIA BAY,
ON THE OTHER HAND,

IS RELATED
TO THE EUCALYPTUS TREE,

AND MAKES EVERYTHING
IT TOUCHES TASTE LIKE
VICK'S VAPOR RUB.

OKAY, NOW ADD JUST ENOUGH
LIQUID TO THESE BEANS

TO BARELY COVER THEM,
OKAY?

BRING IT TO A SIMMER,
PARTIALLY COVER,

AND COOK
FOR ONE TO HOURS.

BUT DON'T BOIL.

FACED WITH ALL THAT VIOLENCE,
THE BEANS WILL FALL APART.

NOW SINCE THESE BEANS HAVE
NEITHER ACID OR CALCIUM TO
PROTECT THEM FROM CRACKING

WAIT UNTIL THEY'VE BEEN
SIMMERING HALF AN HOUR

BEFORE ADDING TWO TEASPOONS
OF KOSHER SALT.

AND CHECK ON THE LIQUID
FROM TIME TO TIME,

ADDING JUST ENOUGH
TO KEEP THEM COVERED.

(mad French chef)
OH, SACREBLEU!

UH-OH, SOUNDS LIKE
WE'VE HURT ANOTHER
TRADITIONAL SORE SPOT.

BEANS MUST BE COOKED
IN A LARGE POT OF WATER,

THREE TO FOUR TIMES
AS MUCH AS THE BEANS.

THIS WILL CONVEY MORE HEAT
AND ALLOW FASTER COOKING.

YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD JUST
ABOUT ALL THE TRADITION
I'M GONNA TAKE OUT OF YOU!

(mad French chef)
MORON!

ONE OF THE MOST MAGICAL
THINGS ABOUT BEANS

IS THAT, UNLIKE PASTA,
BEANS ACTUALLY COOK FASTER
IN LESS WATER.

NOW JUST THINK ABOUT
THAT ONE A SECOND.

MAKE YOUR HEAD HURT?
ME, TOO.

THAT IS, UNTIL I TALKED TO
MY FAVORITE FOOD SCIENTIST
ABOUT PLANT PROTEIN.

PROTEINS ACTUALLY
ABSORB WATER.

NOW THIS IS PROTEINS
IN THE BEANS THEMSELVES

THAT ARE, SLURP,
SOAKING IN WATER.

BUT PROTEINS ARE ALSO
WATER-SOLUBLE,

SO IF YOU'VE GOT A
MASSIVE AMOUNT OF WATER,
LIKE IN PASTA,

A LOT OF YOUR PROTEINS
ARE DISSOLVED OUT THERE
IN THE WATER,

INSTEAD OF IN THE BEANS,
GRABBING WATER FOR
THEMSELVES TO EXPAND.

(Alton)
SO A SMALL AMOUNT
OF WATER?

LESS IS BETTER!

ANYTHING ELSE?

ACTUALLY, YOU CAN ADD
A LITTLE OIL
TO THE WATER

TO PREVENT FOAMING.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT
IN PASTA

BECAUSE THE OIL
WILL COAT THE PASTA

AND THEN IT CAN'T ABSORB
THAT WONDERFUL SAUCE,

BUT A LITTLE OIL IN
BEANS TO PREVENT FOAMING
IS FINE.

TOLD YOU SHE WAS HANDY.

OKAY, WHEN THE BEANS
ARE JUST TENDER,
KIND OF AL DENTE,

THEY'RE READY FOR
YET ANOTHER MAGICAL
TRANSFORMATION.

DRAIN THE BEANS,
MAKING SURE TO REMOVE
THE CARROT BUNDLE,

AND THEN TOSS,
WHILE HOT,

WITH 1/3 CUP EACH
EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL

AND LIME JUICE.

TOSS IN A RED ONION,
MINCED,

A HANDFUL OF CILANTRO,
CHOPPED,

TOP IT OFF WITH A TEASPOON
OF GROUND CUMIN

AND A TEASPOON
OF CHILI POWDER.

TOSS WELL,
AND THEN CHILL THOROUGHLY.

THEN TASTE AND THEN
ADD SALT AND PEPPER
TO TASTE.

GOT NO TIME TO SOAK?

GOT NO TIME TO COOK?

NO PROBLEM...
HUMMUS IS HERE.

THAT IS, OF COURSE,
IF YOU HAVE A PROPERLY
STOCKED PANTRY.

IT ALL BEGINS WITH
A FOOD PROCESSOR...

A LOT OF THINGS DO.

WHAT YOU NEED IS TWO
TO THREE CLOVES OF GARLIC,

CHOPPED FINE.

THEN ADD ONE CAN
OF GARBANZO BEANS...

CHICKPEAS, SAME THING,

ALONG WITH ABOUT HALF
OF THEIR RESERVED LIQUID.

PROCESS FINE...

OR ALMOST FINE.

GOOD.

NOW ADD TWO OR THREE
TABLESPOONS OF
SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER,

MORE IF YOU LIKE IT.

A NICE HANDFUL OF PARSLEY,
THE ZEST AND JUICE
OF ONE LEMON,

A FEW GRINDS
OF FRESH BLACK PEPPER,

VERY GOOD.

AND OF COURSE,
A COUPLE OF HEAVY PINCHES
OF KOSHER SALT.

PROCESS THIS TOGETHER

UNTIL IT COMES INTO A PASTE.

NOW DRIZZLE IN ABOUT 1/3 CUP
OF EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL.

YOU WANT TO BRING IT
JUST TOGETHER INTO
A PASTE CONSISTENCY.

MORE LIKE MAYONNAISE,
REALLY, THAN PASTE.

THANK YOU, THING.

NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

YOU'VE MADE HUMMUS,

THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN
TO PITA BREAD, CROSTINI,
OR CELERY

SINCE, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW WHEN.

MMM.

OF COURSE, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO PUT IT IN A BOWL.

I'M KIND OF EAGER
TO DIG IN HERE,

SO IF YOU DON'T MIND,
I'M GOING TO TURN

THE BEAN BANTER OVER
TO MY PERSONAL DIETITIAN.

CAROLYN, GO FOR IT.

OKAY, BEANS ARE A GOOD
SOURCE OF SOLUBLE FIBER,

WHICH IS GREAT
FOR YOUR HEART,

AND IT ALSO CAN HELP
LOWER YOUR BLOOD SUGAR
AND KEEP IT MORE NORMAL.

THEY'RE A GREAT PROTEIN
SUBSTITUTE,

AND THEY'RE RICH IN
FOLIC ACID AND CALCIUM,
SO IT'S A GOOD DEAL.

WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT.

NOT ONLY ARE DRIED BEANS
THE PERFECT PANTRY FODDER,

THEY TASTE TERRIFIC
AND CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE,

OR AT LEAST EXTEND IT
A LITTLE BIT.

I THINK THAT'S ABOUT
AS CLOSE TO MAGIC AS WE CAN
EXPECT "GOOD EATS" TO GET.

SO THE NEXT TIME
YOU'RE DRIVING AROUND

AND YOUR KIDS ARE
IN THE BACK SEAT SINGING
THAT OLD CAMP SONG --

YOU KNOW THE ONE --
SING ALONG WITH THEM.

CAROLYN, TAKE IT AWAY.

HEY, GREENS -- BEANS
ARE A FABULOUS FOOD.

THEY'RE...
GREENS, WHY DID I
CALL 'EM GREENS?

GREENS ARE
A FABULOUS FOOD...

NOT THIS SHOW,
BUT, UH, YOU KNOW...