Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 3, Episode 11 - Mission: Poachable - full transcript

(doorbell ringing)

(Alton whistling)

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

OH, HELLO, SIR
GOT YOUR DICEY'S PIZZA.

HEY, THAT'S NOT
A DOUBLE DICEY'S DISASTER.

NOPE, THAT'S THE PIZZA
YOU NEED.

WHAT?
JUST TAKE A BITE.

HEY, THAT'S...
GOOD.

HEY, MISTER.
YEAH?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
I'M JUST THE MESSENGER.

PIZZA GUY?
YEAH?



HOW DO I GET SOME MORE?
YOU GOT A KITCHEN
IN THERE, DON'T YOU?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
MAKE MY OWN?
THERE YOU GO.

HOW?
YOU GOT A TV IN THERE,
DON'T YOU?

A 42-INCH.

WE'LL BE IN TOUCH.

AMERICANS SPEND
ABOUT $20 BILLION A YEAR
ON PIZZA.

I WOULD SUGGEST THAT ABOUT
$19,999,000,000 OF THAT

ACTUALLY GOES TOWARDS
PLACEBO PIZZAS --

PALATE-DEADENING DISKS
WHO LONG AGO SOLD THEIR SOUL

IN THE NAME OF FAST FOOD,

WHICH IS KIND OF IRONIC
WHEN YOU CONSIDER
THE FACT THAT TIME

IS ONE OF THE CRUCIAL
INGREDIENTS

OF QUALITY PIZZA.

THERE YOU GO, SWEETHEART.



NOW WHY AM I OUT
EVANGELIZING LIKE THIS?

WELL, PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW
THAT GREAT PIZZA STARTS
IN THE HOME.

NOW I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
WITH A PHONE CALL, EITHER.

NOW WHAT ARE THE OTHER
KEY POINTS TO GREAT
PIZZA MAKING?

WELL, YOU'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO BE PATIENT.

RIGHT, PIZZA GUY?
UH-HUH.

LET'S SEE, WE'VE ONLY
GOT A COUPLE MORE
STOPS TO MAKE.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE
PETUNIA STREET IS?
YEAH, I KNOW WHERE
IT IS.

GREAT, JUST SIT TIGHT.

AND YOU STICK TIGHT,
THIS IS "GOOD EATS."

PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME.

TOPPINGS DO NOT
GREAT PIZZA MAKE.

BEHOLD, THE AMERICAN PIZZA.

MORE OFTEN THAT NOT,
ALL THESE STRATA

OF RAW VEGETABLE,
SALTY MEATS,

INSIPID CHEESE FOODS,
AND INNOCUOUS SAUCE

REALLY ONLY MASK
A DEEPER DEFICIENCY --

IT'S RIGHT HERE --
CRUST WITH ALL THE FLAVOR
AND TEXTURE OF A MOUSE PAD.

TRUTH IS, IF YOU START WITH
THE RIGHT CRUST,

IT WILL TAKE YOU
VERY FEW TOPPINGS

TO GET YOU
PIZZA PERFECTION.

OF COURSE, WE HAVE TO DEFINE
WHAT THAT PERFECT CRUST IS.

LIKE A FRENCH BAGUETTE
OR A CRUSTY ITALIAN LOAF,

IT'S A SYMBIOSIS
OF CRUNCHY AND CHEWY.

THAT REQUIRES A DOUGH THAT'S...
WELL, A LOT LIKE BUBBLE GUM.

IT'S GOTTA BE PLASTIC ENOUGH
TO EXPAND

TO ACCOMMODATE
AN EVER-INCREASING VOLUME
OF GAS,

AND IT'S GOT TO BE
ELASTIC ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY
HOLD THAT GAS IN.

OPEN.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE GAS,
WE'LL DEAL WITH
THAT PART LATER.

WHAT ALL THIS MEANS
IS THAT WE NEED A DOUGH

WITH A LOT OF THAT
MAGICAL MESH CALLED GLUTEN.

NOW THAT CAN ONLY COME ABOUT
FROM THE MEETING OF WATER

WITH THE PROTEIN
IN WHEAT FLOUR,

AND THEY HAVE TO BE KNEADED
OR AGITATED TOGETHER.

NOW THE MORE PROTEIN
YOUR FLOUR HAS,

THE MORE GLUTEN
CAN BE PRODUCED.

IT STANDS TO REASON
THAT THE BEST PIZZA DOUGH

ONLY COMES FROM HIGH-PROTEIN,
OR HARD FLOURS.

NOW THOSE ARE USUALLY
MARKETED AS BREAD FLOUR,

BUT IF YOU WANNA GIVE
YOUR PIZZA THAT EXTRA
LITTLE SOMETHING,

REACH FOR BREAD FLOURS
MADE SPECIFICALLY
FOR BREAD MACHINES.

THEY'VE GOT MORE PROTEIN
IN THEM THAN ANYTHING ELSE
ON THE SHELF.

THE DOUGH BEGINS WITH
TWO TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR,

ONE TABLESPOON OF SALT --
KOSHER --

ONE TABLESPOON
OF PURE OLIVE OIL.

FOLLOW THAT UP
WITH 3/4 CUP
OF WARM WATER --

NOT COLD, NOT HOT,
WARM.

THEN COMES THE FLOUR.

ONE CUP OF BREAD FLOUR MEASURED
BY THE SCOOP-AND-SWEEP METHOD.

THEN WE HAVE A TEASPOON
OF INSTANT YEAST
SPRINKLED RIGHT ON TOP.

FOLLOW THAT UP WITH
ONE MORE CUP OF FLOUR.

(French accent)
HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY
INANE?

YOU MUST BLOOM THE YEAST
IN A WARM SUGAR WATER

BEFORE YOU ADD ZEE FLOUR.

ACTUALLY, CHEF,
THAT'S INSTANT YEAST

AND REQUIRES NO SUCH
PAMPERING.

I TELL YOU, ONE OF THESE DAYS,
I'M GONNA...

WELL, I GUESS HE DIDN'T CARE
FOR MY YEAST INFLECTION.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD
REPAIR TO THE LAB.

PIZZA DOUGH GETS ITS RISE
FROM THE GAS PRODUCED
BY BILLIONS AND BILLIONS

OF UNICELLULAR FUNGI
CALLED YEAST.

THEY CHOMP DOWN ON THE SUGAR
IN FLOUR-BASED DOUGHS.

HAVE A LOOK,
THEY ARE REAL PIGS.

(sound of chewing)

ONCE THEIR LITTLE FEEDING
FRENZY IS OVER...

(sound of belching)

THAT'S RIGHT,
YEAST BELCH MAKES
BREAD RISE.

UP UNTIL A COUPLE
OF CENTURIES AGO,
BREWERS MADE ALL THE YEAST.

THEY'D SCRAPE FOAM
FROM THE FERMENTING
BEER TANKS,

DRY IT,
AND SELL IT TO BAKERS.

IN FACT, OF THE 160 OR SO
KNOWN STRAINS OF
COMMERCIAL YEAST,

THE ONE USED IN BREAD MAKING
MOST OFTEN

IS SACCHAROMYCES CERVEVISIAE,
BEER SUGAR,

AND IT COMES IN MANY GUISES.

FOR INSTANCE,
COMPRESSED OR CAKE YEASTS.

IT'S BASICALLY ZILLIONS
AND ZILLIONS OF YEAST

THAT ARE WIDE AWAKE
AND READY TO GO,
COMPRESSED INTO BLOCKS.

NOW SOME BAKERS SWEAR
BY THIS STUFF,

BUT I THINK IT'S MORE
TROUBLE THAN IT'S WORTH.

YOU GOTTA REFRIGERATE IT,
IT'S GOTTA BE COVERED
JUST RIGHT.

IT'S LIKE ADOPTING
AN OLD GOLDFISH --

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO,
IT'S GOING BELLY UP
IN A WEEK,

SO I SKIP IT.

NOW AS MY FAUX FRENCH FOE
POINTED OUT,

ACTIVE DRY YEASTS,
WHICH ARE BASICALLY REGULAR
YEAST DEHYDRATED

AND BROKEN INTO GRANULES,

ARE LIKE SEA MONKEYS --
THEY MUST BE RESUSCITATED
IN WARM WATER

BEFORE THEY CAN EAT
AND MAKE GAS.

IF THE WATER GOES OVER
140 DEGREES,

YOU'VE GOT A MICROBIAL
MASSACRE ON YOUR HANDS.

MOST COMPANIES ALSO OFFER

A STRAIN TURBO-CHARGED
MUTANT YEAST BRED FOR SPEED.

I'M NOT A BIG FAN
OF THESE RAPID-RISE YEASTS

BECAUSE AS WE'LL SOON SEE,
THERE'S MORE TO YEAST
THAN GAS.

NOW INSTANT YEAST IS MORE
LIKE A HARDY STRAIN
OF ACTIVE DRY YEASTS

THAT'S BEEN BROKEN INTO
VERY, VERY SMALL GRANULES

AND THEN PACKED WITH
VITAMIN C, ASCORBIC ACID,

WHICH REALLY TURNS
THE YEASTS ON.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS STUFF
IS THAT IT CAN BE MIXED

DIRECTLY WITH
THE DRY INGREDIENTS.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE
SOAKED OR BLOOMED
BEFORE USING.

THAT MEANS IT'S EXTREMELY
RELIABLE AND EXTREMELY
USER-FRIENDLY.

HAVING NEVER BEEN
MUCH OF A POUCH MAN,

I BUY POUND BAGS OF YEAST
AND THEN SPLIT IT UP

SO THAT I'VE GOT A SMALL
WORKING SUPPLY HERE
IN THE FRIDGE

AND REINFORCEMENTS
IN LONG-TERM, AIR-TIGHT
STORAGE NEXT DOOR HERE.

BY THE WAY, THE EXPIRATION DATE
ON THE BAG WILL ALWAYS
BE A YEAR

FROM THE DATE
OF MANUFACTURE,

BUT KEPT VERY COLD AND DRY,
YOU'LL GET TWO YEARS
OUT OF IT, EASY.

NOW WE MIX.

IF YOUR MIXER COMES WITH
A PADDLE ATTACHMENT,
NOW IS THE TIME TO USE IT.

IT IS THE BEST TOOL
FOR JUST BRINGING
THE DOUGH TOGETHER.

START IT OFF ON LOW
SO THE FLOUR DOESN'T FLY UP
IN YOUR FACE LIKE A BOMB.

NOW IN THE MEANTIME,
YOU WANT TO LUBE UP
YOUR HOOK, MATEY --

BREAD HOOK THAT IS --
WITH A LITTLE
NON-STICK SPRAY.

THAT'S GONNA MAKE SURE THAT
LATER ON, THE DOUGH WILL NOT
CLIMB OUT OF THE BOWL.

NOW WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE THIS,
YOU ARE READY TO CHANGE OVER
TO THE HOOK.

ONCE YOU'VE GOT THAT IN PLACE,
YOU'RE GONNA GO AGAIN ON MEDIUM

FOR 15 MINUTES.

THE HOOK IS GONNA FOLD
THE DOUGH AND STRETCH
THE DOUGH,

AND IT'S GONNA CREATE
LITTLE BITTY AIR BUBBLES,

WHICH IS GREAT
FOR THE YEAST BECAUSE...

WELL, YOU KNOW THE HARDEST
PART OF BLOWING A BUBBLE...

GETTING IT STARTED.

YOU SEE, YEAST CAN BLOW
A LOT OF GAS,

BUT THEY CAN'T START
THEIR OWN BUBBLES,

THEY DON'T HAVE
THE LUNG POWER FOR THAT.

OH, BY THE WAY,
KNEADING ALSO GETS
GLUTEN GOING.

YOU SEE, WHILE IT'S SITTING
THERE IN THE BOWL,

THE FLOUR PROTEINS
LOOK SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE
IS DRY, NESTED NOODLES,

BUT WET THEM, AND THEY
LOOSEN UP AND INTERMINGLE.

NOW KNEADING IS ALL ABOUT
LINING THESE PROTEINS UP

SO THEY FORM AN ELASTIC
BUNGEE-LIKE MASS.

THIS PROCESS, CALLED
DEVELOPMENT, TAKES TIME.

THAT'S WHY THE 15 MINUTES
ON THE MACHINE.

IF YOU'RE DOING IT BY HAND,
IT'S GONNA TAKE TWICE
AS LONG,

AND THAT'S NOT INCLUDING
REST PERIODS.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU
DON'T DEVELOP THE DOUGH ENOUGH?

WELL, IT WILL TEAR BEFORE
YOU EVER GET IT OUT
TO A PIZZA SHAPE.

IF YOU OVERDEVELOP IT,
WHICH IS HIGHLY UNLIKELY,

THE GLUTEN WILL LITERALLY
DISINTEGRATE,

AND YOU'LL BE LEFT WITH
THIS KIND OF SOUPY MESS,

WHICH, TRUST ME,
ISN'T GOOD FOR ANYTHING.

SO HOW DO YOU KNOW
WHEN YOU'VE GOT IT RIGHT?

WELL, TEAR YOURSELF OFF
A PIECE OF DOUGH

AND MAKE YOURSELF
A LILLIPUTIAN PIZZA.

JUST WORK IT BACK AND FORTH
BETWEEN YOUR HANDS,

ROTATING IT AS YOU GO.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO IN
YOUR MOUTH WITH YOUR TONGUE

RIGHT BEFORE YOU BLOW
A BUBBLE.

IN FACT, YOU COULD DO
THIS IN YOUR MOUTH

BECAUSE LIKE GUM,
WHEAT GLUTEN IS NOT
WATER-SOLUBLE,

WHICH IS THE REASON
YOU'VE GOT TO CHEW A LOT

BEFORE YOU CAN SWALLOW
A NICE PIECE OF PIZZA CRUST

OR A FRENCH BAGUETTE.

NOW WHEN IT GETS
TO THIS POINT,
HOLD IT UP TO THE LIGHT.

NOW THAT IS WHAT
PROFESSIONAL BAKERS CALL
A WINDOWPANE.

IT'S LIKE A MEMBRANE,
THE HEAD ON A DRUM.

IF IT GETS TO THE POINT
WHERE IT TEARS BEFORE THIS,

WELL, GUESS WHAT,
YOU'VE GOT EXTRA
KNEADING TO DO.

NOW BEFORE THIS GOES DOWN,
WE NEED TO WORK ON THE SKIN
A LITTLE BIT.

WHAT I MEAN IS THAT YOU WANT
TO HAVE ONE SOLID SHEET
OF MEMBRANE COVERING IT.

WHERE YOU GET THAT
IS KIND OF FOLD IT IN
ON ITSELF

TO DRAW THE SKIN TIGHT
AND THEN GIVE IT A ROLL.

JUST KIND OF PUSH IT AROUND
ON THE TABLE.

YOU NOTICE I'M NOT
MOVING MY FINGERS.

WHY BOTHER?

WELL, IT'S GONNA MAKE IT
EASIER FOR THE YEAST
TO BLOW IT FULL OF GAS,

AND IT'S GONNA MAKE THE DOUGH
A LOT EASIER TO WORK WITH LATER
ON DOWN THE LINE.

THERE,
AWW, IT'S CUTE.

OKAY, INTO A STAINLESS STEEL
OR A GLASS BOWL.

JUST MAKE SURE THAT IT'S
ABOUT 4 TIMES BIGGER
THAN THE DOUGH BALL.

ADD TO THAT A COUPLE
TEASPOONS OF OLIVE OIL,

TOSS TO COAT,

AND COVER IT WITH A PIECE
OF PLASTIC WRAP

JUST TO MAKE SURE
THAT THE BALL DOESN'T
DRY OUT.

DON'T TRY TO MAKE
A PERFECT SEAL.

THEN INTO
THE REFRIGERATOR.

HEY, MONSIEUR,
THE DOUGH MUST RISE
IN A WARM PLACE,

THEN YOU MUST PUNCH
IT DOWN.
YOU WANT PUNCH, PUNK?

AHHH!

HE'S RIGHT, OF COURSE,
DOUGH WILL RISE FASTER
IN A WARM PLACE.

AFTER ALL, COLD SLOWS
YEAST'S METABOLISM,

THAT MAKES THEM EAT SLOWER
AND OF COURSE, BELCH LESS.

BUT THIS IS ONE
OF THOSE CASES WHERE
FASTER IS NOT BETTER.

IN FACT, AN 18 TO 24 HOUR RISE
WILL PRODUCE BETTER FLAVOR,

AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT FLAVOR
IS WHAT FOOD'S ALL ABOUT.

ON TOP OF THAT, IT WILL
ACTUALLY GIVE THE DOUGH TIME

TO ABSORB SOME OF THOSE
YEAST BELCHES WE WERE
TALKING ABOUT,

AND THAT WILL LEAD TO A FINER,
MORE DELICATE STRUCTURE.

NOW I KNOW, THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE
PIZZA ON THE FLY,

AND WE'RE GONNA
TAKE CARE OF THAT,

JUST NOT YET.

FIRST, A STONE FLOOR.

PREHISTORIC PRECEDENTS
ASIDE,

HOT-ROCK BAKERY
IS ROCK-SOLID SCIENCE,

ESPECIALLY IF SAID ROCK
CAN ABSORB AND RADIATE
HIGH-LEVELS OF HEAT

WITHOUT CRACKING UNDER
THE STRAINS OF REPEATED
HEATINGS AND COOLINGS.

NOW YOU COULD MARCH DOWN
TO GOURMETS-R-US

AND PLOP DOWN $30 OR $40
FOR A PIZZA STONE,

BUT A WELL-PLACED,
UNGLAZED QUARRY TILE

FOR 99 CENTS
FROM A BUILDING SUPPLY

WILL DO THE JOB
JUST FINE.

SINCE THEY'RE POROUS,
TILES WICK STEAM
AWAY FROM THE DOUGH,

PRODUCING A CRISP CRUST.

START THIS IN A COLD OVEN
AND THEN CRANK THE HEAT
AS HIGH AS IT WILL GO

FOR HALF AN HOUR
BEFORE BAKING.

THIS IS A 12-INCH STONE,

AND I DON'T MAKE PIZZAS
OVER 12 INCHES,
SO ONE DOES THE JOB.

I'VE GOT IT STACKED UP
ON ANOTHER

SIMPLY SO I'VE GOT GOOD
CLEARANCE FROM THE DOOR.

NOW SINCE I'VE GOT
A FLAT BOTTOM HERE,

I JUST PUT IT RIGHT
ON THE FLOOR,

AND I LEAVE IT THERE 24/7,
NO MATTER WHAT.

IF YOU'VE GOT A COIL HERE,
JUST PUT YOUR STONE
ON THE LOWEST RACK.

BELIEVE ME, YOU CAN LEAVE IT
THERE ALL THE TIME.

(alarm ringing)

24 HOURS LATER,

AND OUR DOUGH IS ONLY
ABOUT 1 1/2 TIMES
ITS ORIGINAL SIZE.

THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE IT'S NOT
ABOUT GAS, REMEMBER?

IF WE HAD LEFT THIS TO RISE
ON THE COUNTER DURING
THAT TIME

IT WOULD LOOK
SOMETHING LIKE...

OH KEN,
I JUST LOVE PIZZA.

GOLLY, BARBIE,
HAVE YOU SEEN
MY DOUGH BALL?

IT WAS HERE ON THE COUNTER...
AAAHHH!

UH, OKAY, TURN IT OUT
ONTO A CLEAN COUNTER.

DON'T BOTHER DOING THIS
ON A CUTTING BOARD,

IT'LL JUST GET
IN THE WAY.

USE A KNIFE OR
A DOUGH SCRAPER
AND BISECT IT

LIKE AN AMOEBA
ON A BLIND DATE.

THERE, WE'VE GOT TWO ORBS.

WE BASICALLY WANT TO GET
THESE RESHAPED

TO BASICALLY WHAT
IT LOOKED LIKE BEFORE
WE CUT IT.

TURN THE FIRST SIDE,
DOME SIDE UP LIKE THAT

AND THEN MASH IT
GENTLY WITH YOUR HAND,

JUST TO GET THE REALLY BIG
AIR BUBBLES OUT.

THAT'S GONNA HELP
TO REDISTRIBUTE THE YEAST,
REDISTRIBUTE THEIR GASSES.

THERE.

NOW TO RESHAPE,
WE'RE BASICALLY GONNA MAKE
IT INTO A JELLY FISH, AGAIN.

JUST FOLD IT UNDER ITSELF
LIKE THIS,

STRETCHING THAT OUTER
MEMBRANE A BIT.

I USUALLY KIND OF MAKE
A COLLAR WITH MY FINGERS
AND JUST PUSH

SO YOU GET A NICE,
TIGHT ORB, OKAY?

SET ASIDE AND REPEAT.

NOW THERE'S ONE MORE STEP
IN THIS, BUT WE'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING TO THE COUNTER.

IT'S A LITTLE TOO SLIPPERY
RIGHT NOW 'CAUSE IT'S DRY.

PUT JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF WATER ON YOUR HANDS,

JUST BARELY WET THEM,

AND RUB IT ALL OVER
THE COUNTERTOP.

THAT'S GONNA CREATE JUST
ENOUGH SURFACE ATTENTION

TO ROLL THESE OUT.

OKAY, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE BIT TACKY NOW.

SO PUT IT DOWN,
AND AGAIN, WE'RE GONNA ROLL

BUT WITHOUT MOVING FINGERS.

SEE, IT STARTS TO ROTATE,
KIND OF LIKE ORBITING
AROUND THE SUN OR SOMETHING.

AND IT'LL TIGHTEN
AS IT GOES.

THERE, TIGHT AS A DRUM.

AGAIN, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO MOVE YOUR FINGERS.

NOW THIS GUY RIGHT HERE,
WE ARE GOING TO BAKE.

SO COVER IT UP
WITH A TEA TOWEL

AND LET IT REST
FOR ABOUT HALF AN HOUR.

THAT WILL GIVE TIME
FOR THE GLUTEN TO RELAX,

AND THAT'LL MAKE IT
A LOT EASIER TO SHAPE
THE PIZZA,

AND IT'LL GIVE THE YEAST
A LITTLE MORE TIME
TO DO ITS VOODOO.

THIS GUY, WE'RE GONNA
SAVE FOR LATER,

BUT WE STILL
HAVE TO ROLL IT.

SO AFTER TIGHTENING
IT UP LIKE THAT,

WE'RE GONNA PUT THAT
INTO A ZIP-TOP BAG,

WE'RE GONNA HIT THAT
WITH JUST A LITTLE BIT
OF NON-STICK SPRAY.

STAND BACK.

ZIP IT UP
AND PARK IT IN THE FRIDGE.

NOW YOU CAN USE THIS
FOR ABOUT THE NEXT
FIVE OR SIX DAYS.

THERE.

NOW WHILE WE'RE HERE,
I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO A FRIEND OF MINE.

IF THERE'S A SECRET
TO PIZZA MAKING,

IT'S BUILDING
ON A PEEL.

NOT ONLY IS THIS
THE ONLY DEVICE CAPABLE

OF DELIVERING
YOUR FLAVORFUL FLAT
TO AND FROM THE HOT BOX,

IT DOUBLES AS A CUTTING BOARD,
AN HORS D'OEUVRE TRANSPORT,

AND IF YOU'RE IN
A FRATERNITY...

WELL, WHATEVER.

NOW THIS IS
MY FAVORITE PEEL, EMMA...

ALL RIGHT, FORGET ABOUT IT.

MEDIUM-LENGTH HANDLE,
SPACIOUS WORK SURFACE,

AND DIRT CHEAP AT YOUR
NEIGHBORHOOD RESTAURANT
SUPPLY HOUSE.

OTHER NECESSARY HARDWARE,
THERE ISN'T ANY.

AND A ROLLING PIN
WOULD BE USELESS

BECAUSE AS YOU CAN SEE
BY THIS CROSS SECTION,

THE PROPER PIZZA LIP
IS NOT ROLLED.

ROLLING PIN WOULD DO THIS,
THIS IS ONLY AVAILABLE
THROUGH MANUAL MANIPULATION.

AFTER GIVING EMMA
A LIGHT DUSTING, YOU'RE
READY FOR STEP ONE --

FLATTEN YOUR BALL
INTO A DISK USING
THE HEEL OF YOUR HAND,

TURNING AS YOU GO --
DISREGARD ANY
POPPING BUBBLES.

THEN STEP TWO --

GIVE IT SOME LIP
BY PICKING IT UP,

PINCHING ABOUT AN INCH
INTO THE DOUGH,
AND ROTATING.

THERE, STEP THREE --
STRETCHING.

I LIKE TO START
BY PASSING THE DOUGH

BACK AND FORTH
WHILE ROTATING IT,

AND IT'LL JUST KIND OF
LOOSEN UP THE DOUGH.

THIS IS FOLLOWED
BY GENTLE STRETCHING.

YOU WANT TO USE
YOUR KNUCKLES FOR THIS,

KEEPING YOUR FINGERS
OUT OF THE WAY.

THEN THE FUN PART,
SPINNING.

NOW THERE ARE A LOT
OF FOLKS OUT THERE

THAT THINK THE WHOLE
PIZZA SPINNING THING
IS JUST FOR SHOW,

BUT ACTUALLY,
IT'S PHYSICS AT WORK --

CENTRIFUGAL FORCE
TO BE EXACT.

YOU SEE, AS THE PIZZA SPINS,
THE HEAVIER MASS
AT THE OUTER LIP

IS TRYING TO ESCAPE
FROM THE INNER AXIS,

AND THAT STRETCHES
THE DOUGH EVENLY
ALL ACROSS...

BOY, I'M A NERD.

YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO
THIS HELICOPTER BUSINESS,

YOU CAN DO YOUR STRETCHING
RIGHT DOWN ON
THE TABLETOP.

JUST TAKE IT AND STRETCH
IT OUT BY HAND,

BEING SURE TO TURN IT
EACH TIME.

NOW YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET
A PERFECTLY ROUND PIZZA
THIS WAY,

BUT YOU WILL GET
A PAPER-THIN PIZZA,

WHICH CAN BE
A PRETTY DARN GOOD THING.

NOW IF YOU GET YOUR DOUGH
ALL LAID OUT,

AND THEN YOU LET IT GO,
AND IT SHRINKS BACK IN
LIKE THAT,

THEN THAT MEANS THAT
IT IS MORE ELASTIC
THAN PLASTIC,

AND YOU PROBABLY COULD HAVE
RESTED YOUR DOUGH
A LITTLE BIT MORE.

DON'T GET FRUSTRATED,
IF YOU WANT IT EVEN BIGGER,

JUST LET IT SIT
ON THE COUNTER
FOR MAYBE FIVE MINUTES,

AND IT'LL LOOSEN UP.

OKAY, WHEN YOU GET
YOUR PIZZA THE SIZE
THAT YOU WANT --

I LIKE THIS FOR
A NICE SINGLE SERVING --

YOU WANNA GIVE
THE PEEL A SHAKE

TO JUST MAKE SURE
THAT THE PIZZA IS LOOSE,

BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING
WORSE THAN GETTING
YOUR PIZZA ALL DRESSED UP

ONLY TO FIND THAT YOU CAN'T
GET IT OFF OF THE PEEL.

THIS LOOKS GOOD.

WE'VE GOT SOME CHOICES --
AT THIS POINT YOU COULD
DRESS AND BAKE,

AND YOU'D HAVE A VERY,
VERY THIN, CRISPY CRUNCH.

BUT IF YOU LET IT LAY HERE
FOR ABOUT ANOTHER 1/2 HOUR,

IT'LL RISE
A LITTLE BIT MORE,

AND YOU'LL HAVE A SLIGHTLY
THICKER, SLIGHTLY CHEWIER
CRUST --

THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

I START WITH OLIVE OIL
JUST AROUND THE RIM.

NOT ONLY IS THAT
GONNA ADD FLAVOR,

IT'LL ALSO HELP THE CRUST
TO BROWN WITHOUT BURNING.

I'LL TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
THERE'S BEEN PLENTY A NIGHT

THAT I'VE JUST SLATHERED
THE WHOLE THING IN
EXTRA-VIRGIN OLIVE OIL,

THROWN ON SOME KOSHER SALT
AND SOME FRESH CRACKED
BLACK PEPPER

AND CALLED IT A DAY.

BUT IF YOU MUST USE SAUCE,

YOU COULDN'T DO ANY BETTER
THAN OUR OWN SAUCE

FROM PANTRY RAID II --
SEEING RED.

NOW THE TRICK TO SAUCE
IS TO USE AS LITTLE
AS POSSIBLE.

I'VE ONLY GOT ABOUT
1 1/2 OUNCES SITTING HERE.

LADLE IT RIGHT INTO THE MIDDLE
AND THEN SWIRL IT OUT.

YOU CAN USE BOTTLED SAUCE,
YOU COULD EVEN USE
CANNED CRUSHED TOMATOES,

AS LONG AS YOU DRAIN
THEM THOROUGHLY.

YOU SEE, I'VE BARELY GOT
A LITTLE LAYER ON THERE.

IF YOU PUT A WHOLE POOL
ON THERE,

BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL HAVE
AN INGREDIENT SLIDE,

AND IT WILL BE UGLY.

NOW NEXT UP, HERBAGE.

I LIKE THYME -- FRESH --
OREGANO -- FRESH --

AND PEPPER FLAKES --
RED, DRY.

NOW WHY PUT THESE ON TOP
OF THE SAUCE AND UNDER
THE CHEESE?

'CAUSE DOWN HERE,
THEY'RE NOT GONNA BURN.

SPEAKING OF CHEESE,
I LIKE TO GO WITH
THREE VARIETIES

STARTING WITH MOZZARELLA --
THE CLASSIC --

AND FOLLOWED UP BY JACK
AND PROVOLONE.

WHY BOTHER WITH THREE?

WELL, THE TRUTH IS THAT ONCE
A CHEESE REALLY HEATS UP,

IT HAS A TENDENCY TO LOSE
SOME OF ITS CHARACTER
AND FLAVOR,

SO I FIND THAT GIVING IT
SOME CONTRASTS

AND SOME PLAYMATES
TO GO WITH,

IT GOES A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

THERE, YOU CAN USE ANYTHING
THAT YOU LIKE.

THAT, IN MY BOOK,
IS PIZZA.

ALTHOUGH, OCCASIONALLY,
I DO ADD THINGS LIKE
ROASTED GARLIC,

SUN-DRIED TOMATOES,

OR MAYBE SOME
ASPARAGUS SPEARS,
BUT NOT TODAY --

A BLISTERING-HOT
OVEN AWAITS.

JIGGLE JUST TO GET
THE LIP OUT,

GO TO THE FAR EDGE,

AND THEN JUST LAY HER
OUT LIKE THAT.

T-MINUS SEVEN MINUTES
AND COUNTING.

BEHOLD, GOLDEN-BROWN,
MELTED, AND DELICIOUS
ON TOP.

TAKE A PEEK UNDERNEATH,
NICE AND BROWN THERE.

GET YOUR PEEL
ABOUT HALFWAY IN,

PULL BACK, AND JUST SHUFFLE
IT RIGHT ON.

A THREE-MINUTE REST
WILL ENSURE A CLEAN CUT.

NOW GRANTED, THESE ARE GOING
TO BE THREE OF THE LONGEST
MINUTES IN YOUR LIFE.

OH, WE'LL USE THE TIME
TO REVIEW.

LET'S SEE, USE INSTANT YEAST

BECAUSE YOU'LL HAVE
BETTER SUCCESS,

USE BREAD FLOUR
BECAUSE THE HIGHER PROTEIN

MEANS CHEWIER CRUST,
WHICH IS NICE,

LET THE DOUGH RISE LONG
AND SLOW IN
THE REFRIGERATOR,

STRETCH IT OUT,
DON'T ROLL IT,

DRESS IT SIMPLY,

BAKE IT HOT AND FAST
ON QUARRY STONES,

AND LET IT REST
FOR AT LEAST THREE MINUTES.

AWW HECK, THAT'S BEEN
LONG ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS DEFINITELY
GONNA TAKE A LITTLE LONGER

THAN DELIVERY FROM DICEY'S,

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT,
I GOTTA SAY,

GOOD EATS IS ALWAYS
WORTH IT.