Good Eats (1999–2012): Season 2, Episode 13 - Pork Fiction: A Rib for All Seasons - full transcript

"NO ONE STIRRED IN THE FARMHOUSE

"BEFORE NOON THE FOLLOWING DAY,

"AND THE WORD WENT ROUND
THAT FROM SOMEWHERE OR OTHER,

"THE PIGS HAD ACQUIRED THE MONEY

"TO BUY THEMSELVES ANOTHER
CASE OF WHISKEY."

WE'LL FINISH THIS UP NEXT
WEEK, BUT IN THE MEANTIME,

I DON'T WANT YOU BOSSING
THE OTHER ANIMALS AROUND,

OR IT'S RIGHT BACK TO "THREE
LITTLE PIGS," I SWEAR.

YOU GUYS LISTENING TO ME?

OKAY, GOOD.

FOR THOSE OF YOU FROM OTHER
PLANETS, THESE ARE PIGS.



A FAMOUS FRENCH
GASTRONOME WROTE,

"THE PIG IS BUT A GIANT DISH

"WHICH WALKS WHILE WAITING
TO BE SERVED."

HERE IN AMERICA, WE'RE
FOND OF SAYING,

"WE USE EVERYTHING BUT THE
OINK," OR IS IT THE SQUEAL?

ALL THIS VERSATILITY IS
GREAT, OF COURSE,

BUT IT CAN LEAD TO SOME
CONFUSION FOR THE HOME COOK.

CONSIDER THE CUTS... THERE
ARE HAMS AT BOTH ENDS,

THE SHOULDERS CALLED
THE BUTT,

AND UH... WHAT'S WITH
ALL OF THESE RIBS?

WELL, FUNNY I SHOULD ASK,

BECAUSE WE'VE CHOSEN THE
LOIN RIBS, OR BABY BACKS,

AS BASE CAMP FOR A
NUMBER OF EPISODES

DEDICATED TO EXPLORING THE
ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES OF PORK.



SO STICK AROUND,

THIS, NOT TO MENTION THESE,
ARE DEFINITELY "GOOD EATS."

WELL, I WOULDN'T EXACTLY CALL
IT ANOTHER WHITE MEAT,

PORK DOES PALE IN COMPARISON
TO BOTH BEEF AND LAMB.

THE REASON, AS MR. SPOCK
WOULD SAY, IS LOGICAL.

YOU SEE, GRAZING ANIMALS, LIKE
CATTLE AND SHEEP, EAT GRASS.

GRASS CONTAINS IRON, IRON
PRODUCES MYOGLOBIN,

MYOGLOBIN TINTS MEAT RED.

PIGS DON'T DO GRASS.

THEY'RE LIKE US... THEY EAT
EVERYTHING, CORN MOSTLY,

AND THAT'S WHY THEY
HAVE WHITER FLESH.

THEY ARE ALSO PRETTY
MODERN ANIMALS.

THEY'VE CHANGED WITH THE TIMES.

THEY'VE KEPT UP WITH
POPULAR DEMAND.

THEY'VE BECOME LEANER, CLEANER,

HEALTHIER ON THE HOOF
AND ON THE PLATE.

YET STILL, WHEN WE MEET
HEAD TO SNOOT

AT FINE ESTABLISHMENTS
LIKE THIS,

WE HAVE A FAILURE
TO COMMUNICATE,

WHICH IS WHY WE ARE HERE

VISITING MY GOOD FRIEND AND
BUTCHER, RICHARD METZGER,

WHO IS GOING TO TAKE
US ON A LITTLE TOUR

OF THE PORCINE RIBCAGE.

HOW ARE YOU
DOING RICHARD?
ALL RIGHT, HOW
ARE YOU?

I'M DOIN' FINE.

SO WHAT'S THE DEAL?

WELL, BASICALLY THIS
IS A PORK LOIN,

WHICH IS THE
BACK OF A PIG.

SO IT'S ONE SIDE OF
THE BACK RIGHT THERE.
YEAH.

OKAY... WHERE ARE
THE RIBS?
YOU TAKE THIS THING
AND ROLL IT OVER,

JUST LIKE ROLLING
OUR PIG OVER LIKE THAT?

SO YOU'RE BASICALLY
ON THE INSIDE.

TAIL, HEAD...
THAT'S RIGHT,

AND THIS ONE RIGHT HERE
IS THE BABY BACK RIB.

OKAY, SO THE BABY BACKS

ARE THE VERY FIRST
ONES OFF OF THE
SPINE THEN.
YEAH,

JUST THE CLOSEST
TO THE SPINE.

YOUR BACKBONE WOULD
BE RIGHT HERE.

THIS RIGHT HERE
IS A SPARERIB.

OH, SO THAT JUST BUTTS
RIGHT UP AGAINST THIS.
THAT JUST ATTACHES
RIGHT TO THIS.

SO ONE RIB CAGE...
THREE RIBS REALLY.

YOU'VE GOT BABY BACKS,
SPARERIBS... WHAT IS THIS?
THIS RIGHT HERE IS
THE CHEST BONE.

YOU TAKE OFF, OFF THE
SPARERIB RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS WHAT MAKES
IT A ST. LOUIS-STYLE
CUT RIB.

WHY DO THEY CALL
'EM ST. LOUIS CUTS?
I HAVE NO IDEA.

HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN TO ST. LOUIS?
NO.

WELL, NEXT TIME I GO,
I'M GOING TO ASK THEM.

SO CULINARILY SPEAKING,

SPARERIBS, BABY BACKS--
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE
IN HOW YOU COOK THEM,

AND HOW THEY TASTE?

OKAY, LET ME MAKE
SURE I'VE GOT THIS
STRAIGHT NOW,

JUST SO THAT
I'M CLEAR.

WE'LL LOOK AT THE WHOLE
RIB CAGE ACTION THERE.

IF WE WERE ON THE
INSIDE OF THE PIG,

IT WOULD ALL LOOK LIKE
THIS, AND THE SPINE
WOULD BE UP HERE.

SO THE FIRST CUT'S THE
BABY BACK, WHICH IS
OFF THE LOIN,

AND THAT WOULD LEAVE
THE WHOLE SPARERIB.

YOU CUT OFF THE BOTTOM,
AND YOU GET THE
ST. LOUIS.

BEYOND THIS WOULD BE
BELLY--BACON--RIGHT?
WELL, NO.

THE BACON... THIS IS
SITTING ON TOP OF IT.

SO THIS IS SPARERIB,

AND THEN ON THIS
SIDE, THAT'S BACON.
YEAH, THE BACON
WOULD BE THIS THICK,

SITTING ON TOP OF THIS.
OH, DON'T YOU
JUST LOVE PIGS!

WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU WHAT, RICHARD,

I'M GOING TO GO WITH
FOUR OF THESE GUYS, IF
YOU'D WRAP THEM UP FOR ME.

ALL RIGHT.
THANKS A LOT.

NOW SEE, LUCKILY,
I'VE GOT A BUTCHER

WHO IS MY FRIEND AND
TAKES CARE OF ME.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU HAVEN'T MADE
FRIENDS WITH YOUR BUTCHER,

YOU REALLY OUGHT TO
THINK ABOUT IT,

BECAUSE FRIENDS DON'T LET
FRIENDS BUY JUNK.

OF COURSE, THESE DAYS,
QUITE A FEW MARKETS

ARE CHOOSING TO SELL...
RIBS IN THERE ORIGINAL
CRYOVAC CONTAINERS.

THIS IS HOW THEY'RE
PACKAGED BY THE PACKER.

NOW THIS IS OKAY BY
ME 'CAUSE NOT ONLY IS
THIS MORE ECONOMICAL,

BUT PROPERLY REFRIGERATED,

IT'LL KEEP TWO, THREE,
EVEN FOUR WEEKS.

LOOK FOR PACKS OF EITHER
TWO RIBS OR FOUR.

NOW YOU'LL NOTICE WHEN
YOU SHOP FOR PORK,

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND
ANY QUALITY GRADES...

NO SELECT, NO PRIME, NO CHOICE.

THEY JUST DON'T DO
PORK THAT WAY.

IF YOU WANT AN EXPLANATION,
JUST GO ASK A FED.

ALTHOUGH CONSUMER CUTS ARE
NOT QUALITY GRADED,

ALL FRESH PORK PRODUCTS
SOLD IN THE UNITED STATES

ARE INSPECTED FOR WHOLESOMENESS
BY STATE OR FEDERAL AGENCIES.

WHOLE CARCASSES, HOWEVER,
DO RECEIVE GRADES OF EITHER
ONE, TWO OR THREE OR FOUR,

DEPENDING ON OVERALL
MEAT YIELD.

SINCE THESE RATINGS RELATE
ONLY TO WHOLE ANIMALS

AND BEAR NO RELATIONSHIP
TO CONSUMER CUTS,

THEY ARE OF NO
CONCERN TO YOU.

THIS GRADING PROCESS,
HOWEVER, IS PAID FOR
VOLUNTARILY BY THE PACKER,

RATHER THAN YOUR GREATLY
APPRECIATED TAX DOLLARS.

ASK ANY PORCINE PROFESSIONAL,

AND THEY'LL TELL YOU THE
KEY TO RIB FLAVOR

IS IN THE MIRACULOUS MIXTURE OF
SALT, PEPPER, HERBS AND SPICES

CALLED A DRY RUB.

ADD A LITTLE SMOKE,
AND YOU'VE GOT A DIVINE
DEVICE CALLED BARBECUE.

THE ROAD TO BARBECUE MECCA
HAS LED THIS PORK PILGRIM

DEEP INTO THE BELLY OF GEORGIA.

IT IS HERE, AT THE
ANNUAL BIG PIG JIG

WHERE WE HOPE TO (sniff)
RUB SHOULDERS

WITH SEVENTH-LEVEL DRY-
RUB RIB MASTERS,

LOOSEN UP THEIR LIPS
WITH SOME BEER,

AND STEAL ALL THEIR SECRETS.

RUB'S REALLY KIND
OF, I GUESS,

THE SECRET TO THIS
BARBECUE, HUH?
IT IS A SECRET.

THAT'S YOUR RUB THERE,
I GUESS, HUH, JEFF?
EXACTLY.

YOU WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT'S IN YOUR RUB
THERE, JEFF?

I GUESS THE SECRET'S
IN YOUR RUB, HUH?

YEAH? UM...

YOU WANNA TELL ME
WHAT'S IN IT?

NO.

WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?

THE KEY TO IT IS THE
RUB RIGHT HERE.

AH... THE MAGIC DUST!

SO UM, YOU GONNA TELL
ME WHAT'S IN YOUR
RUB, MYRON?

I'D EITHER HAVE TO KILL
YOU LATER, OR MARRY
YOU, ONE.

LOOKS LIKE YOU
ALREADY MARRIED.
YA!

SO WHAT DID WE LEARN?

WELL, WE LEARNED THAT
PRO BARBECUERS,

BESIDES BEING IMPERVIOUS
TO BRIBERY BY BEER,

ARE AN UNSHARING, AND,
WELL, SLIGHTLY PARANOID

WHEN IT COMES TO
THEIR RUB VOODOO.

WELL, I SAY WE'VE GOT SCIENCE,

AND SCIENCE KICKS VOODOO'S
BUTT ANY OLD DAY OF THE WEEK.

WE'LL MAKE OUR OWN DARN RUB.

WE'RE GOING WITH WHAT WE
CALL AN 8, 3, 1 + 1 RUB.

AND WHAT WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT HERE IS PARTS...

... PLUS ONE, WHICH WE'LL
GET TO SHORTLY.

NOW IT DOESN'T MATTER
IF WE'RE DEALING WITH

GRAMS, OR TONS, OR BUSHELS.

IT DOESN'T MATTER
AS LONG AS IT'S THE
CORRECT NUMBER OF PARTS.

SO WE CAN USE ANYTHING
TO MEASURE THIS.

FOR INSTANCE... THE LID OF THIS
WELL-PLACED BOX OF BAMBOO FORKS.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MEASUREMENT
THAT IS, BUT IT'S PERFECT.

NOW IT'S IMPORTANT WHEN
YOU SCOOP THIS STUFF,

THAT YOU KIND OF PACK IT DOWN,

BECAUSE AS YOU CAN SEE, IT
GETS A LOT OF AIR UNDERNEATH
IT.

SO JUST PACK IT DOWN,

AND COUNT TO EIGHT.

ONE... TWO... EIGHT...

EIGHT PARTS LIGHT BROWN SUGAR.

MOVING DOWN THE LINE, WE'VE
GOT THREE PARTS OF KOSHER SALT,

ONE PART OF CHILI POWDER.

NOW SEAL UP NICE AND
TIGHT IN A MASON JAR,

OR SOME OTHER JAR
THAT YOU'VE WASHED,

AND SHAKE TO COMBINE.

RIGHT NOW THIS IS KIND OF
LIKE A NO-FRILLS AUTOMOBILE.

IT'S A RUB BUT IT'S BASIC...

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE CHASSIS,
WHEELS, ROOF, THAT'S ABOUT IT.

AS FAR AS THE ADD-ONS GO, CD
PLAYER, WIRE-WHEEL COVERS,

SEAT WARMERS, THAT
KIND OF THING...

WELL, THAT'S THE PLUS
ONE PART OF THE EQUATION,

AND THAT IS COMPLETELY
UP TO YOU.

YOU COULD USE JUST
ABOUT ANYTHING.

YOU COULD USE ANOTHER PART OF
CHILI POWDER IF YOU WANTED TO,

BUT WE'D LIKE TO MIX
THINGS UP A LITTLE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE'VE
DISCOVERED THERE ARE SIX THINGS

THAT WE'D LIKE TO MIX UP
INTO THAT ONE PART,

STARTING WITH BLACK PEPPER.

NOW THESE ARE JUST SMALL
AMOUNTS THAT ARE GOING TO
ADD UP TO THE ONE PART--

CAYENNE, JALAPEÑO SEASONING...

WHICH IS REALLY JUST DRIED,
GROUND JALAPEÑOS WITH SOME
OTHER SEASONS ADDED...

A LITTLE OLD BAY--A
PERSONAL FAVORITE OF MINE--

RUBBED OR DRIED THYME,
FOR AN HERBAL NOTE,

AND THAT LEAVES US WITH JUST
ENOUGH ROOM FOR ONION POWDER.

THERE WE GO...
YEAH, THAT'S ONE PART.

NOW THAT GOES ON TOP AND,
AGAIN, WE COVER AND SHAKE.

NOW, SEALED UP
TIGHT IN THIS JAR--

KEEP IT AWAY FROM HEAT OR REALLY
BRIGHT LIGHT, LIKE SUNLIGHT--

THIS WILL LAST UNTIL BELL
BOTTOMS COME BACK AGAIN.

AND OH, NOTE A "GOOD EATS"
REFINEMENT HERE...

ONE LID FOR SEALING AND
UNDERNEATH, ONE FOR SHAKING.

COOL, HUH?

NOW LAY EACH SLAB OUT,

ON ITS OWN BIG PIECE OF
HEAVY-DUTY ALUMINUM FOIL,

AND MAKE SURE THAT THE
SHINY SIDE IS DOWN.

THAT WILL MAKE THE HEAT COME
IN JUST A LITTLE BIT SLOWER,

WHICH IS GOOD.

NOW LAY ON THE RUB, AND
DON'T BE PRISSY ABOUT IT.

CONTACT IS CRITICAL.

NOW DESPITE THE NAME, RUBBING
IS NOT ACTUALLY NECESSARY,

BUT A LITTLE BIT OF
PATTING ALONG THE WAY

WILL MAKE SURE THAT PLENTY
OF CONTACT IS BEING MADE.

THERE, PUSH ON AND FLIP.

NOW THIS OTHER SIDE DOESN'T
MATTER QUITE AS MUCH,

SO DON'T GO OVERBOARD.

IT'S MOSTLY THE CONVEX
SIDE THAT WE'RE AFTER.

WHY ALUMINUM FOIL?

WELL, BECAUSE WE CAN BASICALLY
SHAPE THE PAN TO FIT THE FOOD,

WHICH IS A GOOD THING.

AND OF COURSE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO WASH IT... I LOVE THAT.

SO BRING IT RIGHT
UP IN THE MIDDLE

AND JUST FOLD IT OVER
ONCE AND THEN PUSH DOWN.

WE DON'T WANT TO DO
ANY FANCY CRIMPING,

BECAUSE WE'VE GOT TO
GET BACK INTO THESE

TO ADD SOME LIQUID LATER.

NOW THESE ARE GOING TO GO
RIGHT BACK INTO THE
REFRIGERATOR

FOR AT LEAST ONE
HOUR BEFORE COOKING.

YOU COULD DO THIS THE
NIGHT BEFORE, AND IT
WOULD BE EVEN BETTER.

NOW WASH THOSE PORKY HANDS.

THE SENSUOUS, UNCTUOUSNESS
THAT COMPELS US

TO LICK OUR FINGERS
WHEN RIB EATING

COMES FROM A POWER DEEP WITHIN
THE RIBS THEMSELVES...

GELATIN.

ALL ANIMAL MUSCLE IS MADE
UP OF BUNCHES OF FIBERS,

HELD TOGETHER AND IN PLACE
BY VARIOUS CONNECTIVE TISSUES.

SOME CUTS, LIKE TENDERLOIN,
DON'T DO MUCH WORK,

SO THEY DON'T HAVE A LOT
OF CONNECTIVE TISSUE.

BUT OTHER CUTS,
INCLUDING OUR RIBS,

THAT EITHER WORK A LOT
OR HAVE A LOT OF BONES,

DO HAVE A LOT OF
CONNECTIVE TISSUE.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TURN AWAY.

BZZZZZZZZT!!!

OKAY... OKAY.

NOW JUST PRETEND FOR A MINUTE

THAT THIS IS A BUNDLE OF
MUSCLE FIBERS, RIGHT?

THESE EXPOSED WIRES ARE THE
ACTUAL MEAT FIBERS THEMSELVES.

NOW THEY'RE ALL SURROUNDED
BY CONNECTIVE TISSUES,

JUST LIKE THESE WIRES ARE
SURROUNDED BY INSULATION.

BUT THEY'RE NOT ALL ALIKE.

SEE, SOME OF THESE
TISSUES DON'T DO MUCH,

BUT DRAW UP AND GET
CHEWY WHEN COOKED.

WE'LL CALL THOSE GRISTLE.

BUT OTHERS, SAY
THESE RED GUYS HERE,

THEY'RE COATED IN A PROTEIN
CALLED COLLAGEN.

AND UNDER THE RIGHT
CIRCUMSTANCES,

COLLAGEN DISSOLVES
INTO GELATIN--

THE STUFF THAT MAKES
RIBS SO FINGER-LICKING GOOD,

AND BRINGS BODY TO
HOMEMADE STOCKS,

EVEN HELPS GELATIN
DISHES TO SET.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, JELL-O WAS
ORIGINALLY NAMED AFTER GELATIN.

NOW HOW DOES THIS AMAZING
TRANSFORMATION OCCUR?

WELL, IT ALL HAS TO DO WITH...

UNLIKE STEWING, WHERE
MEAT LITERALLY COOKS

COMPLETELY SUBMERGED IN LIQUID,

BRAISING UTILIZES JUST ENOUGH
LIQUID TO KEEP THE FOOD MOIST

WHILE IT COOKS.

NOW COLLAGEN BEING A
PROTEIN, COULDN'T CARE WHAT
LIQUID IT DISSOLVES IN.

BUT SINCE WE PLAN TO TAKE THIS
BRAISING LIQUID LATER ON

AND REDUCE IT INTO A SAUCE,

IT WOULD BE A VERY GOOD THING
TO HAVE A BALANCE OF...

SO INTO A MICROWAVEABLE
CONTAINER WILL GO...

FOR MOISTURE AND ACIDITY,

ONE CUP OF WHITE WINE.

BOLSTER THAT WITH TWO
TABLESPOONS OF WHITE
WINE VINEGAR...

IF YOU DON'T HAVE WHITE
WINE VINEGAR, IT'S OKAY,

JUST USE ANY VINEGAR
THAT YOU'VE GOT...

TWO TABLESPOONS OF
WORCESTERSHIRE SAUCE.

THAT TAKES CARE OF THE SALTY.

NOW FOR THE SWEET, A
TABLESPOON OF HONEY.

I NEVER MEASURE THIS STUFF.

I JUST FIGURE THAT EACH
SQUEEZE IS A TEASPOON...

SO THREE SQUEEZES...
ONE, TWO, THREE.

THREE TEASPOONS
MAKES A TABLESPOON.

NOW REALLY LAST BUT NOT LEAST,

TWO SMASHED AND CHOPPED
CLOVES OF GARLIC.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE PRETTY WITH IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BE FANCY WITH IT.

NOW WHY GARLIC?

HEY, GARLIC DON'T
NEED NO REASON!

THERE WE GO, AND LOOK IT'S
PRE-CHOPPED FOR US.

SO IF YOU SMASH RIGHT, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING ELSE.

JUST SCOOP THAT RIGHT
IN AND LID IT UP.

WE'RE GOING TO PUT THIS IN
THE MICROWAVE FOR ONE MINUTE.

MEANWHILE, WE WILL
PREP THE RIBS.

(beep beep)

MINUTE'S UP AND
EVERYTHING IS MELTED UP,

SUGARS HAVE DISSOLVED NICELY,

SO ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS
INTRODUCE THIS TO THE RIBS.

AND WE DON'T HAVE TO
UNWRAP EVERYTHING,

JUST OPEN UP ONE END OF THE
CRIMP AND TURN IT INTO A
FUNNEL.

IT LOOKS LIKE A COUPLE OF BIG,
SILVER, WIDE-MOUTH BASS.

MAKE SURE THE OPENING
IS OVER THE TRAY,

IN CASE YOU DO ANY SPILLING,
WHICH I USUALLY DO.

HALF THE LIQUID GOES
INTO THIS SIDE,

AND HALF THE LIQUID
GOES INTO THIS SIDE.

AND JUST GIVE THE TRAY A
LITTLE BIT OF A TILT,

JUST TO KIND OF DISTRIBUTE
EVERYTHING DOWN THERE.

HEAR IT GURGLE, GURGLE.

THEN CRIMP UP THE ENDS.

NEXT STOP FOR THESE BAD
BOYS IS A 225 OVEN,

FOR 2 1/2 HOURS.

NOW AGGRESSIVE OVEN MANAGEMENT
IS REQUIRED HERE,

SO COOK BY YOUR INSTRUMENTS,
NAMELY THE OVEN THERMOMETER.

IF IT GETS TOO HOT IN HERE,
THE MEAT IS GOING TO DRY OUT,

IN SPITE OF ALL THAT LIQUID.

IN THAT CASE, NO AMOUNT OF
DISSOLVED GELATIN IN THE WORLD

WILL EVER BRING THAT LIP-
SMACKING GOODNESS BACK.

WHEN IT COMES TO
RIBS, SPEED KILLS,

SO DO NOT ATTEMPT TO
PICK UP THE PACE ON THIS.

YOUR PATIENCE WILL BE REWARDED.

(beep beep beep beep)

WELL, THE TIMER SAYS
THE BRAISE IS DONE,

BUT THERE'S ONLY REALLY
ONE WAY TO KNOW FOR SURE,

AND THAT'S TO LOOK AND FEEL.

SO SLIDE OUT YOUR RACK,

AND JUST OPEN UP ONE END
OF ONE OF THE POUCHES.

YOU CAN DO THIS
WITH A PAPER TOWELS,

BUT I'M TRYING TO SACRIFICE
MYSELF FOR SCIENCE HERE.

THERE NOW JUST GRAB
ONE END, LIFT UP,

AND THEN REACH FOR
ONE OF THE... OUCH...

ONE OF THE RIBS FURTHER BACK.

JUST GRAB IT AND
GIVE IT A TWIST.

NOW IF YOU FEEL THE BONE JUST
ROTATING IN THE SOCKET,

THAT MEANS THAT THE COLLAGEN
HAS STARTED TO DISSOLVE

AROUND THE BONE,

AND THAT MEANS THAT
THESE RIBS ARE DONE.

SO I'M GOING TO GET MY
SAUCIER OUT, BUT YOU CAN
USE ANY WIDE PAN,

AND JUST LAY... AH!

LAY THE PACKET RIGHT IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE PAN LIKE THAT.

TAKE YOUR KITCHEN SHEERS AND
JUST SNIP A HOLE IN THE FOIL.

IT'S LIKE OPENING A
NICE BARREL OF WINE.

IT'LL DRAIN RIGHT OUT.

NOW ALL IN ALL, I'D SAY
THAT WE GOT ABOUT

A CUP AND A HALF OF
LIQUID BACK OUT OF THIS,

AND THOSE ARE FINE
LIQUID ASSETS INDEED.

BECAUSE AFTER ABOUT FIVE, MAYBE,
TEN MINUTES ON HIGH HEAT,

THIS IS GOING TO CONVERT DOWN
TO A BEAUTIFUL, RICH GLAZE

THAT'S GOING TO HAVE A
LOT OF CLINGING POWER.

IT'S GOING TO STICK TO THE RIBS

BETTER THAN ANY BARBECUE
SAUCE YOU COULD EVER BUY.

TEN MINUTES LATER AND A HUMBLE
BRAISING LIQUID IS REDUCED DOWN

TO A BARBECUE
SAUCE THAT'S SUITABLE

FOR BOTTLING AND SELLING
FOR SIX BUCKS A SHOT.

'COURSE THAT WOULD
PROBABLY REQUIRE

SPECIAL LICENSES AND PERMITS,
SO WE'LL JUST STICK TO THIS.

GET THIS OFF OF THE
HEAT, BY THE WAY,

BECAUSE WHEN IT GETS TO
THIS CONSISTENCY,

THE NEXT STEP IS BURN,
AND IT HAPPENS VERY QUICK.

SO LET'S GO AHEAD AND
OPEN UP THE RIBS,

BUT DO NOT REMOVE
THEM FROM THE FOIL.

THE FOIL IS ACTUALLY GOING TO
HELP US GET THEM COLORED

ONCE THEY ARE UNDER THE
BROILER.

NOW GRAB YOUR NEAREST BASTING
BRUSH--THIS IS THE ONLY WAY--

AND LITERALLY PAINT THE
GLAZE RIGHT ONTO THE MEAT...

JUST LIKE THAT, IT'S LITERALLY
LIKE PAINTING A HOUSE.

WE REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET
A SUPER THICK LAYER ON THERE,

OR IT WILL DEFINITELY BURN.

THIS GOES UNDER THE BROILER.

BUT I'M NOT ABOUT TO
TELL YOU HOW LONG.

THE REASON IS, I DON'T WANT
YOU TO WALK AWAY FROM THIS,

EVEN FOR A MINUTE.

BECAUSE IN AS
LITTLE AS 30 SECONDS,

THAT SUGAR IS GOING TO
START TO BUBBLE ON TOP,

THAT'S IN THE GLAZE... IT'S
GOING TO START TO CARAMELIZE.

AND IN AS LITTLE AS A MINUTE,
IT'S GOING TO BE BROWN.

TEN MORE SECONDS,
AND IT WILL BE BLACK.

SO KEEP A VERY CLOSE EYE ON IT.

NOW THERE ARE A LOT OF
RIB SHACKS OUT THERE

THAT WOULD PROBABLY JUST PLOP
THIS RIGHT ON THE PLATE AS IS.

THEY BUY THESE HUGE PLATES
AND JUST LAY THEM OUT.

IT'S IMPRESSIVE, BUT IT'S
KIND OF TRICKY TO EAT.

SO WHAT I LIKE TO DO

IS TO SEPARATE EVERYTHING
INTO TWO RIB CHUNKS.

IT ALSO MAKES IT A LOT
EASIER TO GLAZE, BUT THAT'S
GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

SO JUST LOOK DOWN AT THE
BONES, TURN IT BUMP SIDE UP,

AND JUST SLICE RIGHT
IN BETWEEN THE BONES--

ABOUT EVERY TWO.

PUT A LITTLE BIT
OF THE HOT GLAZE

RIGHT IN THE BOTTOM OF A
STAINLESS STEEL BOWL,

BIGGEST ONE I'VE GOT.

AND JUST ADD THE RIBS AND
TOSS THEM IN WITH THE SAUCE.

JUST LAY THEM ALL OUT,
AND KIND OF TOSS AROUND,

JUST TO MAKE SURE THAT
EVERYTHING IS EVENLY COATED.

THAT WAY EVERYONE
WILL BE GUARANTEED

OF GETTING THE CORRECT
PROPORTION OF MEAT TO SAUCE

IN EVERY LOVIN' BITE.

THERE WE GO... THAT'S IT.

NOW USUALLY WHEN I DINE
ON RIBS, I DO IT RIGHT
IN THE KITCHEN.

WHY?

WELL, THERE ARE
DRAPES IN THE DINING
ROOM, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT.

SO PLATE GOES DOWN,

AND I SEE ABSOLUTELY NO REASON
TO PUT ANYTHING ON IT BUT RIBS.

NOW FOR YOU DEVOUT
PITMEN OUT THERE,

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO NOTE,
THAT NEVER IN THIS PROGRAM

HAVE WE REFERRED TO THESE
LUSCIOUS RIBS AS BARBECUE,

BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT.

BARBECUE REQUIRES SMOKE, AND
OF COURSE, WE DID NOT USE SMOKE.

BUT YOU HAVE TO ADMIT, EVEN
WITHOUT STRIKING A SINGLE MATCH,

YOU CAN TURN OUT A DELICIOUS
SLAB OF RIBS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
FOLLOW THE RIB PROTOCOL.

THAT MEANS GIVING THEM A RUB,

GIVING THEM A REST IN
THE REFRIGERATOR,

BRAISING THEM SLOWLY,

THEN REDUCING THE BRAISING
LIQUID TO A GLAZE,

THEN GLAZING THE RIBS, AND
THEN BROILING THEM FINALLY.

WELL, THAT'S NOT FINAL...

WHAT'S FINAL IS EATING THEM,
WHICH CAN GET A LITTLE MESSY.

I'M ALTON BROWN.

THIS IS "GOOD EATS"...
SO IS THIS.

AND, AH, YOU MIGHT WANT
TO LOOK AWAY AGAIN.